The Games We Play
by Kate2008
Summary: COMPLETE: Everything is a game on the UES, and everyone is playing. C is willing to do whatever it takes to win B back but B just wants revenge, right? But if life is a game and everyone is playing someone has to lose. LM/B/C, J/N, D/S. Set after season 1
1. Let the Games Begin

This is my first try at writing a fanfiction everyone so here's hoping that you guys enjoy it. I requested a beta but was too anxious to post to wait for a reply, so there is probably some bad spelling/grammer. If you let me know I'll fix it :).

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl that is the work of some very brilliant people.**

Set after the season finale.

Rated T: for language

* * *

"I just can't believe he never showed, S" Blair exclaimed into her phone, "I thought, well, I thought he really cared about me, maybe even loved me. At very least he owed me an explanation for that awful text from Gossip Girl about that interior designer."

"I know B, I thought he really cared too. But he is Chuck Bass and you had to know there was always a chance of this with him. Plus, you weren't exactly willing to accept an explanation" She added with a slight sigh. "Just forget about Chuck, forget about him and come stay in the Hamptons with me." Serena really was worried about Blair. It seemed as though this whole thing with Chuck was really getting to her. Ugh, her step brother was so not worth it and Blair would see that if she would just come to the Hamptons.

"Seriously Serena, he waited a week to call me, a full seven days, there was no way I am going to let him think that I was just sitting around waiting on him to call. No, that is not okay for a Waldorf and I am a Waldorf." Blair spoke defiantly. She refused to let Chuck see her looking weak and pathetic. "And as far as coming to the Hamptons goes, I'm happy here with Marcus. No reason to return to a world with Chuck Bass in it any sooner than absolutely necessary. I thought you would understand Serena, I mean you left the city to get away from Cabbage Patch."

Serena sighed and knew she was about to have to admit what she didn't want to. Yes she wanted Blair here because she didn't want Blair to have a lonely summer, but she also wanted her hear because she herself was having a lonely summer. "Okay okay, I guess you're right but Blair, this isn't about me and Dan, this is about the fact that you are missing out on all of the great parties and gossip here and B, I miss you. I don't want to spend the whole summer without my best friend." Serena paused to see if Blair would say anything, when she didn't she continued. "And about Marcus, B, how well do you even know this guy. You and I both know that you are just dating him with the hopes that Gossip Girl will somehow find out and Chuck will be jealous."

"Serena, actually, I am quite fond of Marcus, he is such a gentleman, I mean he even has a title. Chuck doesn't even begin to measure up to that." _Now if only I could believe the things I'm saying maybe I could convince everyone else_ thought Blair even as she tried to proclaim Marcus's good traits. "As for the Gossip Girl post, I am way ahead of you S, before long everyone will know. So you see there really is no reason for me to come."

"Please Blair, please, I just I really need someone here with me right now. Bart and Lily are fighting already, Eric seems to have a crush on the pool boy, I haven't seen or heard from Dan since the wedding, my only company is Nate and he is back with Vanessa, so she is here too. I hate being the third wheel, I need you." Almost as an afterthought she added. "And what did you mean about it being taken care of Blair?"

Thankfully Serena was playing right into her hands. Sure Blair wanted to go to the Hamptons but she had to make sure Serena was desperate enough to have her there that she didn't mind that Blair was bringing Marcus with her because if Marcus wasn't there she wouldn't be able to exact her revenge on Chuck. Oh yes, Serena was giving her exactly what she wanted without even knowing it. "Okay, I'll come, under one condition, Marcus is coming with me. About the rest you'll find out soon enough."

"EEEEK, OMG, thank you thank you thank you. We are going to have so much fun. I'll tell my mom to have two of the guest bedrooms fixed up immediately. I love you B and thanks again."

"I love you too S." She replied effectively ending their very productive conversation. Immediately after hanging up with Serena, Blair prepared for phase two of the revenge she had planned. She had already had Roman take the pictures on her phone, now all she had to do was send them to Gossip Girl with a little teaser of information. Chuck Bass better be ready when she arrived in the Hamptons, because the games were about to begin.

* * *

Serena was lying on her beach towel about to fall asleep. She was so excited Blair was coming to the Hamptons that she had totally forgotten about Blair's little remark about Gossip Girl until she heard her phone beep.

**Seems like our Queen B is having plenty of fun of her own without our favorite Upper East Side playboy. Apparently she's found herself quite the tasty European. My sources say he is none other than the Lord Marcus, 9****th**** in line for the British Crown. Looks like a keeper B, wonder what C is going to have to say about this?**

Serena looked down at the picture of Marcus and Blair holding hands and walking through the Vineyard and another of them kissing as they watched the sun set. Blair must really mean business, Serena thought to herself as she looked down at the text from Gossip Girl. Blair _is_ really good, she even looks like she has genuine feelings for this guy, which is completely impossible when she is clearly still in love with Chuck. How else could she explain Blair's reluctance to come to the Hamptons and her near break down on the phone.

Either way, she was just glad Blair was joining her. If Blair had something up her sleeve they could deal with it later, she could not stand another moment alone with Nate and Vanessa.

* * *

Nate Archibald was lying on the couch in his family's media center watching some indie flick with his girlfriend Vanessa when the text arrived. "Vanessa, you are not going to believe this Gossip Girl blast."

"Nate, you know I don't follow all that stuff, that's your world not mine" She was a little disgruntled that Nate had interrupted the film just to bring up Gossip Girl.

"Ha, you're going to have to start caring if you are going to be going to Constance this fall." He replied with a smug smile on his face. After a lot of begging and pleading with Vanessa and the Board of Trustees for Constance and St. Judes, Nate had succeeded in getting Vanessa a scholarship to attend school with him next year so that they would be able to spend more time together.

"Yes, Nate I am going to school with all of you Upper East Side trust fund babies but it doesn't mean that I have to get interested in all this hype about Gossip Girl"

"When it comes to something that affects us I think you do." Nate stated as he passed Vanessa his phone. As Vanessa read the text and looked at the pictures, Nate couldn't help but think that he was lucky. He couldn't believe that he had found a girl as chill and laid back as he was. Thinking about how they had ended things at the beginning of the summer made him cringe a little because he couldn't imagine his summer without her in it. Even though it had taken a little stalking and a lot of flowers to get her to give him another chance, he knew that it was worth it,_ they_ were worth it. Vanessa's voice snapped him out of his little zone out.

"Nate, I just don't see how Blair getting a new guy has any effect on us, unless you are thinking that you want the Queen Bitch back." For the first time in a long time Vanessa was actually worried about her relationship with Nate. Sure she had made him work for it but she had known from the beginning that she would take him back. There had been a few times where she was jealous because Serena knew him better than she did but nothing like this, if Nate wanted Blair back she didn't know how she would handle it.

"No, Vanessa, no." Seeing the concern cross her face he jumped to make her understand. "I just mean this is going to affect Chuck and what affects Chuck affects . . ."

Nate didn't even get to finish his sentence as none other than Chuck Bass himself stormed into the room yelling "Nathaniel!"

"Who does she think she is, I mean I'm Chuck Bass. Girls don't leave me, I leave them. If she would just f'ing let me explain we would already be back together. I am going to kill that little British pansy, I don't care how far up in the line to be king he is, as soon as I get my hands on him, I will make him wish he had never been born. No one touches my girl and gets away with it." Chuck exclaimed with a murderous look on his face as he stood in front of the couch holding his cell phone so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Vanessa whispering in Nate's ear, "I see what you mean."

"Scram Punky Brewster. Nathaniel and I need to talk." Chuck snapped with a look of distaste covering his features.

Vanessa did not tolerate being spoken to in that way, especially not by the likes of Chuck Bass; of all of Nate's friends he was the most detestable, even more so that Blair Waldorf and she didn't have many kind words for her either. "Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"Chuck" Nathaniel said in a warning tone. "Be. Nice."

Ugh, Chuck thought, why can't Nathaniel get over his little obsession over the river, to think there was going to be another Brooklyn at their school next year. "Fine, Vanessa I'm most deeply sorry, what I meant to say was, could you please give myself and Nathaniel a moment."

"Whatever, I'm going to hit the beach Nate, see you later." And with a quick kiss she was gone.

"Really Nate, I don't know what you see in her, what does she have you watching anyway?" Chuck replied as soon as the little artsy girl was out of earshot. At the same time, he took the remote from it's place on the coffee table and turned off the stupid film.

"Chuck, we've been through this, I like Vanessa and that's that, you are going to have to accept her eventually. I take it you've seen the latest Gossip Girl post?"

"No shit Nathaniel, did you think I just came barging in on your little love session here because I wanted to join you in watching this awful film? No, I came to tell you that you have to help me get Blair to the Hamptons, once she's here I know that we can fix this."

During Chuck's rant, Nate's phone buzzed, hmmm a text from Serena.

**OMG N I finally convinced B to join us in the Hamptons! The only bad news she's bringing her new fling LM. I still can't wait!**

**Love always,  
S**

Nate chuckled as he looked up at Chuck. "Doesn't seem like you are going to have to wait too long."

Chuck took a minute to respond. "If that's how she is going to play it, game on."

**Spotted: B and LM getting on a plane to JFK, we knew you couldn't stay away for long B. C breaking up a little love fest between N and V, we might just have to thank him for that one, those two are getting way too lovey dovey lately. Hmm I wonder how C's taking the news about B and her new boy toy, can't be good and with everyone converging in the Hamptons you know there's a scandal just waiting to happen. Let the games begin. Until next time,**

**xoxo  
Gossip Girl**

* * *

**Authors Note: I'm so excited and nervous, please read and review!**


	2. Everyone Who's Anyone's In the Hamptons

Chapter 2:

Thanks for the reviews guys, you are all so great. I will try to get as many of the relationships in as I can for those of you who enjoy some diversity.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl that is the work of some very brilliant people.**

Rated T: for language

_Flashbacks in italics _

* * *

Blair braced herself as she walked through the tunnel to the airplane. She was breathing hard, really hard. Why was she flying commercial again. Oh right, she was flying commercial because Lord Marcus wanted to show all of _his people_ that he was just like them. Not only were they flying commercial, they were flying coach, ugh. She was probably going to get some sort of infectious disease.

At that very moment, she felt a warm, gentle hand on the small of her back, at first she somehow believed it was Chuck; he was the only one who had ever touched her like that. With so much care and gentleness, as if she might break. The words, "Don't worry baby I'm going to be with you every minute of the flight," snapped her out of whatever foolish daydream she was in. Chuck would never say something so utterly cheesy, nor would he ever call her _baby._ No, this was Marcus, kind, faithful Lord Marcus. She could do this, anything to make this guy want her enough to make Chuck die with jealousy and if she had a little fun with Marcus along the way so much the better. You never know, once she drove Chuck mad with jealousy, wrapped him around her finger again, then dumped him on his selfish ass, she and Marcus could really have a relationship. After all he was the perfect gentlemen.

He couldn't believe Blair Waldorf was doing this for him. Blair who wouldn't use a public restroom unless it was an absolute emergency, was going to fly coach for him. Of course this was no easy feat for him either, mingling with the masses was his PR agents idea and if the press saw him with the wealthy, well mannered Blair Cornelia Waldorf so much the better. She was exactly the kind of girl his publicist wanted him dating after his past couple of escapades. Blair must really like him. What a wonderful surprise, he thought that he was just going to be her rebound guy but there might actually be something in this for him other than a pleased publicist.

As Marcus led her to their seats he took out a sanitary wipe and ran it quickly over the armrests of Blair's seat without anyone but her noticing. She mouthed a silent "Thank You."

"Anything for the lady." Marcus's reply was accompanied by a short bow.

Giggling Blair thought, maybe this plane ride wouldn't kill her, if only all of these people would quit whispering and staring.

* * *

Dan was brooding, lying on his bed, with his ipod playing the most depressing music he knew. His summer could be described as dismal at best. He missed Serena, there was absolutely no way he could deny it, even though he had been trying to do just that for the past month. Without her his life was just wrong. But Serena had lied, lied to him since the day she met him, and that was something that he couldn't handle, no matter how much he missed her. He was completely wrapped up in his brooding until the shouts of his little sister jerked him out of it.

"DAAANNN, DAANNN, come here Dan and hurry." Jenny screamed as she ran crazily around the apartment.

Dan appeared seemingly out of no where, grabbing his sister's shoulders to slow her down. "Okay wait a second, what's wrong Jen?"

"WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? EVERYTHING! I am suppose to have an appointment with Eleanor Waldorf tomorrow and today her assistant informed me that Eleanor has left for her Hamptons office and expects me to meet her there! Dan, I don't have a way to get to the Hamptons, I can't take the Hamptons' bus by myself. You have to be sixteen or have someone sixteen or older with you or they won't let you even buy a ticket and Dad won't be off tour for another month. After working my ass off all summer, I am going to lose all I've worked for because I can't get to the Hamptons!"

It didn't take Dan long to make up his mind, everyone else was in or headed towards the Hamptons, so why shouldn't he go as well. "Okay Jen, I'll go with you to the Hamptons."

"You will, OMG Dan thank you so so so so much. I promise the next time you need a favor, whatever it is, I'm down." Jenny's heart felt like it could finally slow down, everything was going to be alright, she was going to Hamptons to meet with THE Eleanor Waldorf, who was going to love her designs. With everything falling into place, now all she needed was the perfect guy to make her happy and if she was going to find that anywhere, it was definitely the Hamptons.

"Just one question Jen, where are we going to be staying, during this trip?" Dan was curious about how they were going to afford to live in the Hamptons for a few days.

Jenny's reply was quick and to the point. "Eleanor Waldorf's place of course, I am her design intern after all."

It took Dan a minute before realizing the where Eleanor Waldorf lived so did Blair and where ever Blair was so was Serena. Not knowing if this was a good thing or a bad thing Dan started to regret agreeing to help. Dan was about to commence brooding all over again when he heard his sister's annoyingly happy voice.

"Oh Dan, don't be concerned, you won't have to see Serena at all, Blair is staying with the Van der Woodson – Bass family this summer, just like always. The only people at Eleanor's are going to be members of the design family." As she walked into her room she turned back to add, "Hurry up Dan, you've gotta pack, I have no idea how long Eleanor will want me there and we have a bus to catch."

As Dan watched his sister bounce off to get packed, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment at the news that he wouldn't be seeing Serena after all. He had to snap out of this funk and maybe the Hamptons were the perfect place to do just that.

**Gossip Girl here, it appears we are expecting some more late arrivals here in the Hamptons. B and her new guy on a flight here, in coach no less (were you that desperate to come see us B?), when low and behold Little J and recently single Lonely Boy were seen boarding the Hamptons' Bus late this afternoon. Is our favorite Brooklyn boy looking to reclaim something, or should I say someone, he lost. I'll be the first to know, which means you'll be the second.**

**xoxo **

**Gossip Girl**

* * *

"Chuck if you don't stop pacing you are going to wear a hole in the carpet man. I mean really, Blair will get here when she gets here." Nate never thought that he was going to be the one listening to Chuck's girl drama. Wasn't it supposed to be him complaining to Chuck about Blair not the other way around? What was the world coming to?

"Nathaniel, I can't stop moving, when I move it helps me plot and right now I _need_ to plot. I have to be ready to sweep Blair off her feet and away from the wannabe King as soon as she steps foot in the Hamptons." Chuck said as he continued to pace. Gripping his cell phone tightly and starting to dial a number.

"But, Chuck, really do you think doing this is going to help you win Blair back? She is going to be furious with you."

It was almost funny to him, how hard Nate was trying to be supportive and helpful; but right now he didn't have the patience for him. "Nate, be quiet I need to make this phone call and yes Blair is going to be furious but she will get over it, just like she is going to get over the fact that I didn't meet her in Tuscany." She had to forgive him, especially once he told her that he had come to her father's chateau in France to win her back.

_All he was thinking as his hired car pulled up the drive of the chateau was that he was going to do whatever it took to get Blair back. He couldn't handle being without her. As he walked up the walkway he could see Roman and Harold sitting in the living room, snuggling up and drinking wine. Who cared if they were gay, at least they were happy, unlike him._

_Chuck's heart was pounding harder than imaginable as he knocked on the door, he hoped Blair would agree to see him, maybe even answer the door herself. He held his breath as the door opened, channeling all his hope towards her not slamming it in his face. But the opening door revealed an angry looking Harold._

"_What are you doing here Chuck. You aren't welcome in our home, not after what you did to my little girl."_

_At that Chuck realized he had hurt Blair more than he thought he had in his worst imaginings. "Sir, please can I just see her, please, I need to explain myself."_

_Roman appeared in the door frame next to Harold, "Chuck really just go home. She is finally happy again. For a long time even the new clothing samples that I had acquired wouldn't cheer her up."_

_To which Harold added, "And we aren't going to let you back into her life again, the place she went to after you left her wasn't a good one and I refuse to allow some spoiled brat like you send her back there."___

Chuck was confused. What place was he referring to? Was Blair depressed, had she been hurting herself? If he had caused her that much pain he couldn't bear it. "Sir, could you tell me something, please?" A sigh from Harold caused him to continue on. "Is she happy now? Here in France."

_Harold's answer hurt him more than it should have. "Yes Chuck, my little girl has finally gotten over you, she is happy."_

_With a simple, "Okay" Chuck turned and left, he knew that Harold and Roman weren't going to tell Blair he had stopped by and he had to let them because Blair was happy._

Chuck cringed at the thought of that memory. He should have stayed. He should have fought for her then and there but he wanted her to be happy. Now he realized that the only way either of them could really be happy was if they were together. So he continued dialing the number.

After two rings he heard the voice of his delightful step mother. "Lily, oh, Serena's out picking Blair up," with this he looked at Nate with raised eyebrows, "that's fine, I'm actually calling to speak with you. Is there a chance that you could have my room prepared. Nathaniel's house is a feeling a little stifling. Thank you so much. I'll have my stuff sent right over. Sure I'll be there by dinner. Goodbye Lily."

As Chuck clicked his phone shut Nate couldn't help but think that Chuck must really be in love with Blair to give up his summer of freedom to win her back. "Are you sure about this Chuck?"

"I've never been more sure of anything man. I can't lose her." As he said the words he knew they were true. "I'm going to go have my stuff sent over, I want to be there when she gets back. The look on her face is going to be absolutely priceless."

"Well good luck man."

"Thanks, I'm going to need it. I'll keep you updated."

* * *

"Serena, you can let go now, SERENA" Blair finally managed to shake herself out of the hug in which her best friend had her locked in. "Serena meet Lord Marcus."

Marcus made a sweeping bow, gently picked up Serena's hand, and placed a light kiss on it. "Any friend of Blair's is a friend of mine."

"Could you be a little less cheesy?" Serena pretended to be disgusted going as far as wiping her hand off on her jean shorts but was secretly charmed. The guy was Blair's type alright. "Well come on guys the car's waiting, my mom wants us home in time for dinner she said something about us having a guest. Plus I left my phone at home and you know I can't stand to be without my cell."

As they walked out towards the car, Serena swore she saw Dan but then she shook her head. She knew better than to think Dan would come to the Hamptons.

**Spotted: V catching some rays at the beach with N. S picking up B and LM at the airport. C seemingly directing the loading of his stuff at N's house. Where you going C? Not leaving us I hope. And for a last little tid bit seems like I wasn't wrong before, D and little J seen ariving in the Hamptons, but when am I ever wrong. You know you love me.**

**xoxo **

**Gossip Girl**

**Author's Note: I hope everyone enjoyed the update. Please read and review, thanks.**


	3. The Best Plans are Led With a Smirk

**Hi guys, I loved reading all of your reviews, please keep reviewing, it motivates me.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl**

* * *

Chuck had known the moment that she stepped into the house. The scent of her perfume instantly filled his nose, he heard footsteps so dainty that they could only belong to her, and finally her voice, a voice he hadn't heard in two months, reached his ears. There was no one else in the world as attuned to everything Blair Waldorf as he was.

Right now they were only separated by a wall and a cracked doorway. She was standing in the living room with Serena, Marcus, and Eric and he was just steps away in the media room. Yet he refused to reveal himself. Now was certainly not the time. First he needed a plan. He couldn't have Marcus getting jealous or suspicious around him, so he had to make Marcus trust him with Blair and that would never happen if he barged in right now.

So he would wait, but he couldn't resist peaking through the crack in the doorway at Blair and her company. God she was beautiful. A summer in France had done her well. The natural glow that her skin always possessed was illuminated by a light tan. He wanted to touch her right then and there, caress her skin, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her lips. Just as his thoughts started to become indecent he realized that he had been seen.

"Shit" Chuck muttered under his breath as Eric made up some excuse about playing Guitar Hero and retiring to the media center. Chuck backed away from the door to ensure that no one else would see him as Eric entered the room.

"Chuck! What are you doing here?" Eric whispered as he closed the door behind him.

Chuck decided the best way to deter Eric from the fact that he had just been spying on a roomful of people was to try to change the subject. "No, long time no see bro, how's your summer been?"

"Chuck, really, not that I'm not glad to see, cause I am; but what are you doing here?"

Seeing that there was no way around, Chuck decided that he would have to admit his plan to Eric. It's not like that was the hardest thing to do in the world, Eric was a pretty cool little brother and he trusted him. "Well, if you must know, I am here to win Blair back."

"Yeah, that explains why you are in the Hamptons, but not why you are in our house." Eric who was normally very quick with these things had to take a minute to think about the situation since it appeared that Chuck wasn't going to offer up any more information. Then it hit him, "Chuck, you aren't living here are you?"

As he watched Eric's eyes light up he knew the kid had figured it out. So he just gave Eric a nod. "Don't tell anyone I'm here, okay, they will all find out when I am ready."

"Okay, I'll go along with this, but don't hurt Blair again, she is as much a sister to me as you are a brother." With that warning Eric started towards the door. "I'm heading out to the pool, no one else will be out there because they are all afraid there is something going on with me and the pool boy."

"Thanks man, really, and don't worry, the thought of ever hurting Blair again makes me sick." After Eric left Chuck just kept sitting on the couch thinking about what he was going to do next.

* * *

As Jenny and Dan approached the front porch, they were accosted by an anorexic looking girl with a clipboard and a radio.

Her look could only be described as one of disdain, "May I help you? Are you lost?"

Jenny took over immediately "I'm Jenny Humphrey and this is my brother Dan, we are here as guest of Eleanor. I'm her design intern, now if you could show us to our rooms that would be wonderful."

The assistant was surprised to say the least, she was sure that these two kids were just more wandering tourists. "Right this way please."

* * *

As she led them to their room a car pulled into the driveway and none other than Serena Van der Woodsen stepped out.

She hated this house, always had because it was full of Eleanor's design team twenty four seven. But Blair _needed _her favorite Jimmy Choos and they were in her upstairs room. Since Blair was busy unpacking she had agreed to go get them. As she walked up the stairs she couldn't help but feel that the house was more bustling than usually. When she reached Blair's room, she heard sounds coming from the room, like someone was in there.

Bursting into the room Serena saw none other than Jenny Humphrey rifling through the clothes in Blair's closet. "Jenny what are you doing? Blair is going to kill you!"

"Serena! Hey, why would Blair kill me, I'm just here because I'm her mom's intern." Jenny was sure that Serena must be confused about something.

"Jenny, that's Blair's dress you're wearing. It's an original. And this, this is Blair's room. She is not going to take kindly to this." By the look on Jenny's face she could tell that Jenny had had no idea that this stuff was Blair's.

"I didn't know, really, I thought Eleanor had just left me some clothes. Omigod, the last thing I want to do is to make Blair angry all over again."

"Calm down, I'm not going to tell her, just don't wear her clothes. Not that I don't trust you but I am hear to pick some of them up anyway, so I'll just go ahead and get all of them."

"Jenny, did my razor end up in your bag." Dan walked into the room, not having any idea what was going on inside. "Serena?!"

"Dan?! What are you doing here." Serena was just as surprised as he was, completely caught off guard.

"Nothing, I'm just leaving." With that Dan disappeared back through the doorway.

"Wait, no, you don't have to," but it was too late Dan had already left. So, that was him she had seen when she was picking up Blair. Dan was in the Hamptons.

"Serena, I'm so so sorry, I should have warned you, I wasn't even thinking about Dan being here. Really. How about I help you get Blair's things together, then you can get out of here and you won't have to see him any more than necessary."

"That would be great." Seeing Dan had definitely put a damper on her day.

**Looks like S and D had a little reunion of sorts, in the Waldorf house no less. You sure send them running don't you S?**

**xoxo**

**GossipGirl**

* * *

As Vanessa watched Nate run down the beach she couldn't help but think that the boy was built. She couldn't believe how quickly she was falling for those beautiful eyes and adoring smile. Vanessa really didn't think she would ever get over Dan but she already felt more for Nate than she ever thought possible.

"Hey Vanessa, do you need some more sun screen, I wouldn't mind putting some on" Nate said with a wink.

"Sure, that would be great." Even though she had just reapplied sunscreen she wasn't about to pass up the chance to have Nate's hands on her.

* * *

Unpacking was much more boring than Blair remembered, she usually loved hanging up her own clothes but lately every clothing item just made her think of Chuck. Like the slip she had worn that night at Victrola, and the dress she wore on the plane to Europe. So she was trying desperately not to remember how any of these clothes were connected to Chuck.

Marcus gently knocked on Blair's door before opening it, "Blair, I think I'm going to go play tennis, Serena's brother said he take me to the Club."

Blair was so distracting she just answered automatically. "That's fine, be back for dinner."

Marcus walked up and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before leaving.

Blair went back to mechanically unpacking her clothes. She started moving her jewelry from her travel case into the jewelry box on the dresser. When she picked up her Erikson Beamon necklace, she couldn't help letting a tear escape her eyelid before slinging the necklace across the room and into the trash can.

**See something you don't like B? One person's trash is another one's treasure.**

* * *

Chuck was already dressed and ready to go when Marcus came down the stairs. He had to admit, the plan was genius, he would take Marcus to play tennis and they would _bond._ When Marcus had unpacked Chuck was waiting in the living room. They had talked and Chuck had simply introduced himself as Serena's brother. So when Marcus had mentioned playing tennis Chuck had immediately offered to go with him.

"Hey man, ready to go?" Chuck had to admit Marcus was a fairly nice guy; but that didn't change the fact that he had to get Blair away from him.

"Yeah, lets go, I've already had the car pulled around."

As Chuck started out the door he saw Blair's phone sitting on the table and couldn't resist sliding it in his pocket. He couldn't let Gossip Girl tell her he was making friends with her new fling before he was good and ready. So with Blair's phone in his pocket, Serena's phone dead, and Eric's vow of silence, he knew his appearance with Marcus at dinner would be a complete surprise. Chuck couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face.

**Spotted: N rubbing V down with sunscreen, D doing more brooding over his Serena interaction, S and little J loading up a car with Queen B's clothes, B getting some unpacking done, and the most interesting of all, C and LM playing tennis together at the Hamptons's Club. What's up with that? I'll be the first to know**

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**Authors Note: Please read and review and feel free to let me know what you want to see happen (especially with the Dan/Serena storyline). Sorry this one was shorter than the others but I had told several people I would have it up today so . . . I'll try to make the next one longer. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

**Hi guys, I loved reading all of your reviews, please keep reviewing, it motivates me.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language**

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"Vanessa, can we not watch another indie film?" Nate was dreading sitting through another one of the eternally boring films. Vanessa wouldn't even make out with him during these films she actually wanted to "watch" them. He didn't know how he could handle sitting through another one.

"Awe come on Natie, don't be unreasonable. It's just one movie." Vanessa pouted.

"You've never called me Natie before, Blair's the only one who ever called me that." Nate was a little creeped out to say the least.

Vanessa abruptly sat up from her position on the couch, an angry look quickly coming over her face. "Did you just compare me to your ex-girlfriend, Nate? Is that what you've been doing the whole time we have been together, comparing me to the Queen Bitch? How I kiss? The things I say? The movies I want to watch? Am I not good enough for you? Am I not enough like Blair?"

At this point, Nate really was freaked out, this was totally out of nowhere. Now she really did sound like Blair. Blair when she was jealous of Serena. The Blair he felt sorry for and grew to hate. That jealousy was the worst part of Blair. He couldn't handle another relationship wrapped up in jealous. "Whoa, whoa, slow down Vanessa, I just said that Blair is the only one who ever called me Natie. I didn't say you weren't good enough. I'm sorry you thought that." He could stay calm. He wouldn't over react.

But apparently she would. "Of course you won't admit that you would rather be with Blair. I thought you loved me." By this time there were tears running down her face and her voice was choking.

Nate was completely thrown by this and he couldn't take much more. He could feel himself tensing up, closing her out, and shutting down their relationship, "Vanessa I do love you, is there something wrong?"

"Yeah, there is something wrong. You are still in love with your ex girlfriend." She was standing up by now.

"Fine, I'm done. We are done. I can't go through another relationship controlled by jealousy. I will always love Blair, but I don't want to be in a relationship with her. And one day you are going to realize that and when you do you are going to realize that you ruined this. Please leave."

"Wha a a at? You're ending us, just like that, because of one stupid argument. You can't do this Nate. I won't let you throw what we have away again."

"Vanessa, I refuse to go through that again. Now please leave before I have you escorted off the property."

As he watched Vanessa leave he felt nothing but relief. How could a relationship that had made him feel so free only this morning, suddenly make him feel so trapped. All he knew was that the main draw to his relationship with Vanessa was that she was nothing like Blair and the other girls from his world. She just proved him wrong and he wasn't going to deal with it. He picked up his phone and called Lily van der Woodsen, "Lily hi, do you think I could come over for dinner, my house feels empty, thank you, I'll be right over."

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Chuck reached over the net to shake Marcus's hand. The pansy boy had played a good game, but even Nate could rarely beat Chuck. Most people would never think that Chuck was good at anything "athletic" just because he didn't feel like being on the school teams. Tennis was something he had been doing since he could hold up a racquet and he knew from the beginning that Marcus didn't stand a chance.

"Congratulations man" Marcus wasn't used to being beaten, probably because people always let him win, sometimes it sucks being 9th in line for the crown. Therefore anyone who really played him immediately earned his respect. "I have to admit, I'm not really used to losing. People usually let me win."

Did this little British boy really think that Chuck was going to just let him win? Really that is just absurd. "Sorry if you're disappointed, letting someone else win isn't in my nature." Chuck stated with disgust apparent in his voice and the look on his face.

It took Marcus a minute to realize that Chuck thought that Marcus had wanted him to let him win and once he did he was quick to try to correct. "No, no, I'm glad you didn't. It's great to really play, I like being challenged." As he spoke he noticed the look on Chuck's face change back to a more amiable one.

"Well, then" Chuck was almost embarrassed for jumping to that conclusion "What do you say we hit the showers then head back to the house, I know Lily wants all of us there for dinner?"

"Sounds like a plan" Chuck was definitely a potential friend in America. "So Chuck, how close are you and Blair?"

Chuck had to hold back his laughter in order to answer. "Blair and I have known each other since we were kids, we're friends. She's my toughest, well second toughest, critic." He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face at that last statement. He was surprised with how honest he had been with Marcus though, that wasn't something that he had intended and for his plan he should have probably have pretended that they weren't that close, he didn't want Marcus feeling threatened just yet.

"Wow, so I guess you know her pretty well, huh?" Marcus could tell that Chuck had been very forthright with him, so he figured he could ask Chuck a few things about Blair.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Chuck couldn't help but remember exactly how well he knew Blair and the tape of their night in the limo played itself over in his head. From her kissing him, to him asking her if she was sure, all of it was important to him. Every single second seared into his memory ever since. Not that anyone knew this, but he hadn't slept with a single other girl since that night in the limo. Sure he had tried to get over her a couple of times but he always just ended up telling the girl to leave. Just like he had done with Amelia.

Marcus could tell Chuck was thinking about something, but decided to go ahead and ask him some things. "So, Chuck, would you mind telling me some stuff about Blair, like when's her Birthday all I know is that she has every intention of going to Yale next year and I want to know her better?"

Chuck was caught off guard to say the least. He hadn't expected Marcus to ask him questions about Blair. Some of which he was fairly certain he was the only one who knew the real answer to. So after looking hard into Marcus's eyes for a good minute he uttered a cautious "Okay."

When Marcus just continued staring at him he continued. "Well Blair's birthday is November 17" That was an easy one he was surprised that Blair hadn't already informed Marcus of that. If she hadn't even told him her birthday there was a good chance she didn't intend to be with him that long. It was an interesting thought, one he would have to think over later one.

"So, she's a Scorpio? Hmm, I should have already guessed that." This time it was Marcus who had the secret smile on his face. He remember when Blair had gotten angry at him one day because he wouldn't admit she was right about something. She was so stubborn. "So how about her favorite flower?"

Chuck thought it was best if he didn't try to decipher Marcus's response so he just continued. But he definitely wasn't going to answer the next one honestly. He was the only person who knew that Blair preferred hydrangeas to roses and he wasn't about to let someone else in on his insider knowledge. So he just told Marcus Nathaniel's strategy. "Roses, red and white roses. Not yellow, not pink, not purple, red if they are for some kind of romantic date, white if you are asking forgiveness for something, and red and white if you are sending her flowers just because."

Even through their shower's Marcus continued firing the questions.

"Favorite color?"

"Red" the truth.

"Favorite store?"

"Well that depends, I guess I would say Barney's." a lie, Chuck knew Blair's real favorite store was Tiffany.

"Okay, I don't even know what that is, anyway, favorite gemstone?"

"Diamond" Another lie, Blair's favorite were rubies but her mom found them gaudy so she rarely wore them.

"Well diamonds are a girl's best friend" Marcus said with a chuckle. By now they were drying off and getting ready. Chuck had advised him to bring a change of clothes appropriate dinner, because he didn't think they would be back in time to change. "Does she have any pets?"

"Two kind of. Her father's cat, Cat, whom I am sure you have met and then her cat at home Kitty Minky." No need to lie there.

"Yes, I met Cat. Her role model?"

"Audrey Hepburn" the truth.

"Her favorite food?"

"Sushi and berries not at the same time but she likes both" half truth, Blair really did love berries but she had mentioned once that she only ate sushi because she thought people expected her to like it, he had a sneaking suspicion her favorite food was pizza.

"Favorite type of chocolates?"

"Godiva, Signature Collection." Another half truth, he knew that while most people preferred the signature collection Blair definitely liked the Gold Collection better.

They were to the car by this point. "Favorite sport to watch?"

"She prefers to play them, but she does watch horse racing but you have to bet for her." She actually loved watching boys play lacrosse, pollo, and tennis. Blair also never missed the Olympics and always loved to watch ballet. As for the horse racing, she hated it when Nate would bet for her, she always liked to place the bets herself and she usually won.

"So she plays sports?" He was curious at this, he couldn't see his Blair getting all sweaty in sports.

"Yeah she plays field hockey, tennis, golf, she figure skates, and use to take ballet." All the truth.

"Does she like any type of stuffed animals or anything?"

"Yeah, she likes stuffed cats a lot." A total lie, he was going to have to trust that if Marcus gave her a stuffed cat she would be too much of a lady to tell him that she thought stuffed cats were totally idiotic. Seeing as how she never told Nate, he didn't think it would be a problem. Blair was a traditionalist and as only he knew the only kind of stuffed animals she liked were bears.

"Well, thank you Chuck, you didn't have to tell me that stuff, so thanks."

"No problem." And for Chuck it really wasn't because just after the questioning began he came up with a plan. He would prove to Blair that he was the only one who knew her, really knew her. With his new "friendship" with Marcus he was sure Marcus would tell him before he did any of this stuff and every time Marcus gave her a gift that he thought was her favorite, Chuck would give her something that really was. Yes eventually he would win Blair back, but as the car pulled into the ten car garage he couldn't help but be a little nervous because when he opened that door Blair Waldorf, the Blair who thought he cheated on her and abandoned her, would be sitting in side. He hadn't even realized he had hesitated until Marcus had to call for him halfway up the drive. When they approached the door, Chuck had Marcus back to talking about the game of tennis.

**Spotted: Our C deep in conversation with B's LM after a sweaty game of tennis. V leaving N's in tears. What's the matter V, everything not what you imagined? N leaving soon after looking royally pissed. I guess there's trouble in Paradise.**

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About an hour earlier

Serena and Blair sat in Blair's room getting dressed. It had been so long since the two of them had been able to do this. They had fashion show after fashion show, trying on practically the entire contents of their closets. They were giggling and making pictures just like old times.

"Ugh, S, I am so jealous that you can wear yellow. It just isn't my color." Blair said as she zipped up Serena's little yellow sundress.

"Omg, B, don't even get me started. You look good in every color. But I can't wear pastels at all and red looks so much better on me than it does on you." Serena never understood why Blair thought anything didn't look good on her.

Blair did a little twirl in front of the mirror and watched as the mid thigh length red dress sun around her. The day was perfect. She was with her best friend and with her phone missing and Serena's totally dead she hadn't even had to deal with Gossip Girl. As she began to sort through her lipstick for her favorite red one, she asked Serena something that had been bugging her all day. "So, Serena, do you have any idea who this mysterious guest is?"

Serena couldn't help but noticed how happy Blair appeared to be, if not as happy as she was during that week with Chuck, she was still happy. "Actually I don't. My mom just said we had company. At first I had no idea but she had added a second mystery plate last time I was there so I think it might be Nate and Vanessa."

Immediately Blair just wanted to go back to France, she didn't want to see either of those people.

Noticing the crestfallen look on Blair's face Serena immediately went over and wrapped her arm around her best friend. "Blair I'm so sorry I mean I forgot you and Nate still weren't speaking and you never have liked Vanessa. It probably isn't even them, don't worry about it." Blair seemed to perk up a bit at this, so Serena knew she was on the right track. "So tell me about Lord Marcus."

At this Serena knew she had said the right thing because Blair suddenly was back to the happy Blair of only moments before as she gushed about all of the gentlemanly attributes of Marcus. One thing Serena did notice was that not once did Blair mention any feelings that she had for him other that she thought he was the perfect boyfriends. But not once did she indicate that she was falling for him. At this point Serena knew that she was right to begin with, Blair was as much in love with Chuck as ever, but the worst part was, Blair didn't even know.

The girls were ready to head downstairs when they heard the front doorbell ring and the butler answering it. They couldn't tell who it was so they just decided to head on down the stairs. When Blair saw Nate standing in the foyer all by himself she couldn't help but give a small smile. She was encouraged when he returned the smile.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs Serena jumped on Nate and hugged him before excusing herself to the kitchen.

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"Hey Mom! What are you doing?" Serena said as she gave her mother a hug.

"I'm just making sure the cooks get everything right. We don't want Lord Marcus to think ill of us do we?" Lily was a little surprised that Serena was in the kitchen at all. "Why aren't you out spending time with Blair? I know that you have missed her."

As Serena pushed herself up onto the counter she told her mom about the fact that Nate and Blair hadn't spoken in almost 6 months and she thought that they needed some time.

"Well that was nice of you Serena. I guess with Nate coming for dinner us girls are going to be a little outnumbered."

"Wait, what are you talking about mom? It should be about even right. You, me, Blair, Eric, Marcus, and Nate."

"Serena I know that you and Chuck have had your differences but do you not even count him as a person any more?"

"WHAT! Chuck's eating with us?" Serena was alarmed to say the least she had to go warn Blair before Chuck appeared from where ever he was hiding

"Yes of course he is darling, with him living here I insisted that he be here for family dinners."

"Oh no, I have to warn Blair." And Serena rushed back into the living room area.

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Before Serena's polite exit of the room

"So . . ." Blair said standing awkwardly and picking her nails.

Blair looked beautiful tonight, but really nervous and noticing Blair's discomfort Nate decided to just get it over with, "Blair, I'm really sorry, I was a hypocrite, and even though I think breaking up was the right thing for us, I treated you like total shit and you didn't deserve it."

Blair immediately exhaled as Nate spoke. So he was apologizing. She had some apologizing to do of her own. "Nate, it isn't like it was your fault, not really. The way Chuck looked at me, like I was the only girl in the world, just felt so good. I really liked being the only girl in the world for someone and your reaction was totally reasonable, I mean I should have told you. So I forgive you for everything, do you think that you can forgive me too?"

He couldn't help but cringe when Blair spoke of how he neglected her but he definitely deserved it. "I forgave you more than a month ago, I just didn't know how to say it. Do you think that we could be friends?"

"Friends sounds great." After which the shared a warm embrace before Blair asked, "Wait a minute, where is Vanessa?"

"Well friend, Vanessa and I actually broke up this afternoon."

Blair made a move towards the kitchen, "Well then I better let Lily know Vanessa won't be joining us."

Before she could get far Nate grabbed her hand. "Why would you do that, Lily wasn't expecting Vanessa, I called and asked if I could come after we broke up."

"So then who's the other plate for?" Blair was back to being quite puzzled.

Suddenly Nate realized that Blair had absolutely no idea that Chuck was living with her and decided it was just best to shrug and try to change the topic.

Almost on cue Eric van der Woodsen walked into the room from where the media center where he had been hiding out. Chuck had just texted him that he was home so he thought it was safe to emerged.

"Oh hey, Eric, where's Marcus?" Blair was a little grateful that Eric was in the room, maybe he knew who the guest was.

"Umm, Blair I don't know."

Before Blair could make any further inquiries she heard the sound of male voices, laughing like old friends. But nothing could have prepared her for the blow that hit her when she saw Marcus walk into the house with none other than Chuck Bass.

Serena reached the room 30 seconds too late, as Chuck had already arrived. And by the look on Blair's face she could tell that her best friend had been completely blindsided.

Chuck saw that everything had gone completely as planned and Blair had no idea that he was living with them. Yes her face was definitely priceless. "What's the matter Waldorf, not happy to see me?"

**Let this be a lesson to you all: Always make sure you know who's coming to dinner, lest you might get a surprise. And if you are like B, it might not be a good one. **

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**Authors note: I made this one extra long because this one was actually fun to write. **

**1) Yes I know Kitty Minky isn't in the show but she is in the books so I had to include her.**

**2) Vanessa may be a little out of character but I thought her storyline needed something interesting.**

**3) I really hope everyone liked it.**


	5. Swimming With a Shark

**Hi guys, I love reading all of your reviews, please keep reviewing, it motivates me.**

**I have been updating pretty much once a day but I'm about to go to college so I am going to try to update at least once a week. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language**

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Blair knew the look on her face had to be one of shock. So many things hit her all at once. Chuck was here he was the other dinner guest. He had been the "brother" that Marcus had gone to play tennis. How could she have been so stupid to think Marcus would have been playing tennis with Eric. Eric didn't even play tennis. She had just assumed it was Serena's brother Eric, just like she had assumed that Vanessa was the other dinner guest. Well there would be no more assuming on her part. She was not going to be tricked again. Blair recovered especially quickly. It had taken all of five seconds for her to process this and compose herself.

During those few seconds Serena had appeared at Blair's side. She might have been too late to tell Blair that Chuck was coming to dinner but she could still support Blair, "He's living here" was all she whispered in Blair's ear and Blair just gave her a slight nod of recognition, she wasn't about to break the stare she was currently giving Chuck.

With a plan in her head Blair decided it was time to get in the game, seeing as how Chuck was already playing. Recognizing that Chuck had already won over Marcus, outward nastiness wouldn't work for her this time, no she was going to have to take a different approach. "Of course I'm happy to see you Chuck, I mean we are friends after all." As Blair said this she walked over and gave Chuck a polite hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Chuck was surprised to say the least. He knew that Blair would recover quickly from the surprise of seeing him, but he wasn't sure what she was getting at now. Why wasn't she yelling at him or something, instead she was hugging him and saying that they were friends? He couldn't help inhaling her sent as she hugged him, but she pulled away much sooner than he would have liked. When she pulled back he saw it in her eyes, that coldness that he had seen so many times before, Blair was pissed. But Chuck couldn't help but think there's his girl.

After giving Chuck a quick look that would have had him lying dead on the floor if looks could kill. She continued with her charade. "So Chuck, I see you've met my boyfriend Marcus." She said as she moved over to Marcus with a beaming smile on her face.

Marcus answered before Chuck could get the chance. "Yes, Chuck was kind enough to take me out for a game of tennis."

Blair put a small pout on her face as she wrapped her arms around Marcus, "I missed you this afternoon baby."

Chuck was almost disgusted by how obvious she was being but at the same time he knew that he would kill to have her act like that towards him.

"Baby, I was only gone for a few hours." Marcus said, but the look on his face made it obvious he was pleased with how much Blair seemed to want him. "I'll make it up to you. I promise" He lifted her face up and kissed her, gently at first but he deepened it quickly.

Throughout the kiss, Blair couldn't help but think that this wasn't her best work, she had been whiney and pouty but she couldn't believe that Marcus had fallen for it.

It took Nate clearing his throat to get Marcus to stop kissing her. Blair giggled before glancing at Chuck and raising her eyebrows.

Chuck wanted to punch Marcus more at that moment than he had ever wanted to punch someone in his life. He wanted to cause him pain because whether Marcus knew it or not, watching them kiss felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest. This in addition to the smug smile that Marcus held on his face was enough to make Chuck want to kill him all over again.

It was Serena who broke the awkward tension, "Since we are all here, how about we go sit down to eat?"

Everyone nodded or spoke their assent before following Serena into the dinning room.

As they were walking Serena whispered to Nate, "You knew didn't you?"

Nate simply nodded in return.

Serena was more than a little angry at this point and decided to take it out on Nate, "So what, you came over to watch the show? Don't worry I'm sure that there will be plenty of fireworks later." Serena fired at Nate, in a hushed tone.

"No, Serena, I didn't come here tonight to watch Chuck and Blair go at it, I don't have any intention on getting involved in that mess." Nate said with a distant look on his face.

"Then why are you here Nate?"

"I'm here because Vanessa and I broke up and I didn't want to be alone, okay?"

The look on Nate's face told her that he wasn't lying and she instantly felt awful. "Oh Nate, I'm sorry I mean you should have said something sooner, I wouldn't have accused you of, you know trying to add to the drama."

"I just didn't think it was important as to why I was here. But yeah Vanessa got all weird and jealous this morning, she accused me of comparing her to Blair."

"Well were you, comparing her to Blair I mean." Serena knew Vanessa and Vanessa was a smart girl, she was down to earth, and she didn't see her having that reaction for no reason.

"Vanessa called me Natie." Nate figured that would convince Serena. "I simply said that she had never called me that before and that that was what Blair called me."

Whoa, Vanessa had called him Natie, that was not the Vanessa she knew, no that was not like her at all. "Wow, that doesn't even sound like Vanessa."

"I know and I didn't want another relationship that was centered on jealousy, so I ended it." Nate missed the fun and happy Vanessa but he wasn't willing to wait for that Vanessa with the jealous needy version.

Lily had instructed them to take the long way to the dinning room, which involved going outside the back and walking around to a side entrance simply because she didn't want Lord Marcus to see the kitchen in its messy state. But even though Serena and Nate had talked the whole way there, everyone else had walked in complete silence.

Sitting down was a mess to say the least, everyone kept switching around trying to end up where they wanted. Finally everyone was seated. On the right side of the table sat Eric, Marcus, and Blair, across from Blair sat Chuck, Nate across from Marcus, and Serena across from Eric, with Lily at the head of the table. No one looked exactly happy about the seating but no one seemed to find it intolerable.

Lily could sense the awkward tension so she decided to start by talking to Lord Marcus, "So, Lord Marcus, why don't you tell me about yourself?"

With a charming smile Marcus began talking, "Well, Lily, first there's no need to call me Lord Marcus, just Marcus is perfectly fine but about me. Well I grew up in a chateau in the English countryside . . ."

As Marcus continued his life story Lily sat completely engrossed. However the rest of the table was a different story. Eric looked like he was about to fall asleep, Serena and Nate were playing tic tac toe by drawing lines with their fingers on the table cloth, Blair's eyes were wandering around the room, and Chuck well Chuck was watching Blair.

Oh no here he goes again, Blair couldn't help but think to herself. Marcus was great and fun to be around but if you asked him about himself he talked for hours. I guess you could say he was a little narcissistic. Blair had begun to start rethinking her plans, it seemed as though she wasn't going to have to do anything different to make Chuck fall for her again, he seemed to be as enamored with her as ever, so it appeared that her plan would be much simpler. All she was going to have to do was stay with Lord Marcus, by the look on Chuck's face when she and Marcus kissed, she knew that seeing her with Marcus was driving him crazy. Blair had no idea what was going on until she felt a kick from across the table. Wtf, who did Chuck Bass think he was, now he was kicking her from across the table.

When Blair glared at him, Chuck simply raised his eyebrows before saying, "Yes Blair, why don't you tell us all how you two lovebirds met?" With all eyes on Blair and her's on Chuck, Chuck mouthed "Your welcome." Before turning his attention to what Blair was about to say. After all this might prove to be useful information.

Chuck had saved her from being embarrassed, that didn't change anything but it surprised her that he wouldn't want her to look stupid in front of Marcus. "Well, I was attending a soirée of sorts at the home of the St. Claire's. While I was there Madison St.Claire told me there was someone who had been asking questions about me." She said this with a pointed glance at Marcus. "I told her to tell him I wasn't interested, but Marcus didn't take no for an answer, and while I was dancing he came up and asked to cut in. After that evening, we have been virtually inseparable and with Marcus attending Yale this fall, and me heading there next year, everything was just too perfect, just like a movie."

Everyone gave their smiles and nods at how perfect it was, except Chuck who had a fake smile plastered on his face. Chuck was nauseated to say the least, after sitting through Marcus's monologue then Blair's testimony of their perfect movie relationship, he was more sure than ever that he and Blair belonged together. This guy wasn't intense enough for Blair, she deserved someone who could match her wit, her scheming, and her passion, toe for toe, and the only person that could do that was Chuck.

By the time Blair and Marcus had finished talking, dinner was over and Serena suggested that they all go out to the pool for a dip before bed. Everyone agreed except Chuck, who said that there was something he needed to take care of, and Eric who said he had spent enough time at the pool today.

Chuck didn't really have anything to do but he didn't really feel like being the odd one out so he headed up to his room, and watched them from his window. Chuck looked on as Nate and Marcus grabbed Serena and Blair and jumped in the pool with them. He saw them chicken fight and dunk eachother. Chuck saw how the girls giggled and swam and the boys chased them. He watched Marcus push Blair against the side of the pool and kiss her. He actually laughed out loud as they attempted to kiss underwater and Marcus almost choked. Nate decided to go home around 11 and Marcus got out and went upstairs soon after. Once he was sure Marcus was in his room, Chuck pulled on a pair of swim trunks and snuck down the stairs. He snuck into the pool house, while Serena and Blair were turned away. From there he heard Blair tell Serena to go on up that she was just going to swim by herself for a few minutes. Saying that it helped her clear her head. Chuck had expected Blair to do this, he knew that she loved swimming alone. So he was ready and waiting.

Blair had been swimming when she felt a disturbance in the water. She turned around expecting to see that Serena or Marcus had come back. When she saw that it was Chuck only a foot away, she almost screamed and probably would have if she wasn't so shocked. Instead she settled for moving away from him. "Chuck, what are doing, trying to give me a heart attack?"

Chuck chose his words carefully, "No, Blair, I just need to talk to you. Please."

Neither Chuck nor Blair had noticed that they had started moving in a circle of sorts, "Chuck, we don't have anything to talk about anymore. You cheated on me and abandoned me in Italy."

"I didn't cheat on you. I considered it then I couldn't, I haven't been with anyone but you since, well since that night at Victrola." Saying this Chuck looked down. He couldn't believe that he had admitted that, he just wanted her to believe him so badly that he had to go for it. "And I didn't abandon you either. I tried to call you at the hotel in Italy and I eventually found out that you had gone on to France. Then I tried your cell and you wouldn't answer."

Blair couldn't decide whether or not she could believe the things Chuck was saying, "Not that I believe you about any of that, but why didn't you come with me on the flight, Chuck?"

They continued circling each other as Chuck responded "I . . . I . . . I was scared Blair, okay. I was scared that I cared too much about you and that that would change me."

The honesty on Chuck's face told her he was telling the truth, but Blair still wasn't about to forgive what he had done. "Then when you got over your _fear _why didn't you come to France."

Chuck was getting a little aggravated at the fact that she wasn't believing him. "I DID, your father and Roman wouldn't let me see you. They said that they weren't going to let me hurt you again, that you were finally happy again. So I convinced myself that if you were happy I could live with that, but I can't Blair and I don't believe that you are happy with Lord Marcus anyway."

The circles they were swimming had gotten much smaller and they were left within touching distance again. "I am happy Chuck, you apparently don't know me as well as you think you do." Blair said with a smirk. "And my father and Roman would never not tell me that."

"Call them and ask Blair. Or better yet, call my damn travel agent. As for Marcus, I know that someone that dull and drab could never make you happy Blair. You deserve someone with your passion and your wit, Blair. Marcus doesn't even begin to match those and you know it. I saw you at dinner. But I do." These last few words were whispered into Blair's ear as Chuck had moved behind her. He had his arms around her was as he bent his head to kiss her neck.

Blair didn't resist as his kisses moved to her ear were he nibbled before whispering, "You don't belong with Marcus, you belong with me."

As Blair was on auto pilot as her head turned to meet his lips. Chuck deepened the kiss. Kissing her with more passion and fire than he knew possible. She turned around in his arms to grasp his hair and he ran his hands up her back. He pulled back for a minute and looked into her eyes, right as he was about to move back in Blair suddenly pulled away.

"I can't Chuck. I care about Marcus and he hasn't done anything wrong. And I can't let myself fall for you again. Everytime I do I get hurt, and I don't want to be hurt again."

"Blair, please, I wouldn't hurt you again." But he knew it was over for tonight, he could feel Blair pulling away.

As she swam toward the ladder she gave Chuck one last look, the look was sad, but determined.

Chuck waited for her to leave before he got out himself and went to his room.

**Late night swim B? Did you think C would leave you alone that easily? I spy with my little eye a little B getting caught back in the spider's web. You know you love me.**

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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Author's Note: Sorry guys, I know that this isn't my best work but I wanted to get it up before I left for college. As always reviews are appreciated.


	6. Whatever It Takes

**Hi guys, I love reading all of your reviews, please keep reviewing, it motivates me.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language**

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Suddenly, Chuck took off up the stairs, he realized that he hadn't said everything to Blair that he needed to say. He reached her door just as she was closing it and stopped it with his foot.

"Chuck, what are you doing, I told you down in the pool that I can't do this?" Blair hissed. She didn't want to talk loudly enough that they woke anyone else up.

"I heard you Blair but I have something I have to say," Chuck said his voice hushed but gentle. When Blair didn't tell him to leave he continued, "You need to know that I'm not giving up. I'm not going anywhere. If you want to be with Lord Marcus, that's fine, but I'm not going to crawl away with my tail between my legs like I did last time. I'm going to fight for you," he paused for a moment to look at Blair's face, which was a mixture of surprise and something he wasn't sure he recognized. Blair started turning around to shut the door, when he caught her arm, "And Blair, I'm going to win." He left her rendered immobile from shock in the doorway to her room but not before flashing the smirk that said he was sure about what he had just said.

As Blair just watched Chuck Bass walk away from her, suddenly she exhaled a breath that she didn't even know that she was holding. Chuck was going to fight for her. That single thought just sat in her head for a few moments. It was all she could possibly think about. She could still feel tingles where he had grabbed her arm. She finally backed into her room where she dried off and changed into her night gown methodically before lying down on the bed. Now If only she could fall asleep.

Walking away from Blair just then had been one of the most difficult things that Chuck had ever done. He knew that if he had kissed her that she wouldn't have stopped him and they would have ended up in bed together. But as much as Blair turned him on, he knew that first he had to prove to her that they were right together. If they slept together now, the relationship would never last. So for now, Chuck just had to settle for telling Blair that he wasn't giving up.

Just as Chuck was about to fall asleep he heard a light knocking on the door. At first he thought that it was a figment of his imagination but then he heard it again. He knew it was Blair by the sound of the knock alone but he was still surprised to see her standing there when he opened his door. She was wearing only a small silk night gown and it didn't leave a lot to the imagination, not that he hadn't seen everything there was to see of Blair Waldorf. "Hello Waldorf. How may I be of service?"

"I just kept thinking about something you said earlier in the pool about why you didn't come with me to Italy. You said that you were scared about me changing you but I know that there is something else. You wouldn't just suddenly decide to not show up." Blair felt that she had to know the answer. It was a need that she couldn't even begin to explain; but to her, it felt like the answer he gave her meant everything.

"My dad got home. He gave me a lecture about how I was growing up and having a real girlfriend with responsibilities and sacrifices would change me. He told me that life as I knew it was done and that taking you to Italy was going to change everything. And I didn't want anything to change."

"Chuck, I know that that isn't all, sure you are afraid of changing the relationship thing was completely new to you but why are you afraid of letting me get close. It's like you are afraid of caring too much about me or something. But not because you think that it will change you. You didn't seem to mind exclusivity. So what I need is for you to tell me why you are scared of caring about me." Blair's desperation at finding out the mystery that is Chuck Bass only seemed to worsen as she continued speaking.

"Blair, I can't answer that. Why can't you just leave it at me being scared?" Chuck realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he should have said something, anything else. Even if he wasn't ready to tell her the truth, he should have made up a reason but of course he just said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Chuck, don't you see how important this is for me to know. We can't have a relationship if you have a problem with letting yourself really care about me. This thing with us can't work if you won't let me in. I'm scared of you hurting me again but I could never even begin to hurt you because you won't let me close enough."

"Blair it isn't like that," Chuck said as he tried to grab her hand.

Blair pulled her hand out of reach and began backing across the hallway, "Chuck, when you decide to actually let me in, let me know, because I can't know if we have a shot at a relationship if you won't even talk to me." Blair immediately retreated to her room where she fell into a restless sleep.

This time it was Chuck left in the doorway. He closed the door quietly before leaning up against it and sliding down. When he reached the floor he let his head fall into his hands and he cried. He cried for the first time since his mom died. If this thing with Blair didn't work out, he had no one to blame but himself and his issues. Chuck knew why he was scared of falling more in love with Blair but the reason was directly connected to the reason he couldn't open up to her. And the worst part was that he didn't know whether or not he would ever be able to tell her the truth.

* * *

The house was almost eerily quiet when Serena walked down the stairs. She knew that her mom had left the Hamptons for a few days after dinner last night but she was never the first one up. Serena had the cook make her an omelet and she decided to call Nate and see if he wanted to go ahead to the beach while the others kept sleeping. Nate agreed to swing by and pick her up so Serena finished her omelet. Serena didn't have to change because she had gotten ready as soon as she woke up, knowing that she was going to be heading to the beach. She heard Nate honking from outside just as she finished up a note for the rest of the house.

Serena hopped into Nate's car with a simple hello. Nate turned down the radio because he was quite curious about how things had gone after he left the house. "So Serena, how was the house after I went home? I mean with Chuck and Blair so close together I am sure there has to have been some fireworks."

"Whoa Nate, you must really want to know. You are never the first to start a conversation." Serena feigned surprise.

Nate chuckled a little before becoming serious again, "Well?"

Serena took the hint and started talking. Blair had no idea that she had heard the entire exchange in the hallway between her and Chuck. "Apparently, Blair and Chuck had a discussion at the pool after the rest of us left because I heard them talking in the hall afterwards. Chuck told Blair that he wasn't giving up on her, no matter what. About an hour after that Blair knocked on Chuck's door and asked him what he meant about being scared. I don't know what he told her about being scared but I can only assume that it was at the pool. Chuck couldn't give her an answer and Blair said that they could never be if he couldn't even admit why he was scared to be with her. Then everything got really quiet again."

"Wow, so Chuck really went for it didn't he? I mean I knew that he was determined but he really isn't going to give up." By this time they were pulling into the beach parking.

"Yeah, I can tell that Chuck still really cares about Blair but he hurt her so much that I don't think that she could possibly forgive that." Serena said as she laid out her beach towel. "Umm , Nate, would you mind putting sunscreen on my back?"

"Sure" Nate said, automatically taking the sun screen and starting to rub her down.

"Vanessa, why are we even here?" Dan asked, "We aren't in the water, you aren't laying out, we aren't playing volleyball. Please tell me that we aren't here so that you can look for Nate?" Dan was genuinely pissed off. Vanessa drug him all the way to the beach and they weren't doing ANYTHING. She was just walking around looking at people. It was obvious to him now that she was just hoping to run into Nate.

"Dan please understand, the guy I am in love with just broke up with me. As the best friend it is your obligation to be there for me in my time of need. And right now I need to look for Nate. I have to make him see how great we are together." Vanessa wanted Nate back, more than anything. She loved him. So when she stared ahead and saw him rubbing sun screen all over Serena's body she acted on impulse, grabbed Dan, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Dan was shocked at first, what the hell was Vanessa doing but out of the corner of his eye he saw Serena and Nate together. He wasn't over Serena by a long shot, so instead of pulling away he wrapped his arms around Vanessa and deepened the kiss. He was positive that Serena and Nate had seen because they were standing directly in their line of vision. Dan moved his attention to Vanessa's neck before whispering, "Play along." After breaking the kiss he took her hand and walked toward the water before pretending like he just noticed Serena and Nate.

Vanessa smiled and waved, "Hey guys"

"Serena, Nate, what's going on? By the way Serena, I'm sorry I was so rude yesterday, I was just surprised to see you there." Dan said in a tone that could only be described as friendly.

The shocked look on Nate and Serena's faces was indescribable, seeing Dan and Vanessa together like this completely through them for a loop. "Hey, and Dan it's fine, I mean you probably didn't expect to see me there any more than I was expecting to see you." Serena kept a smile on her face but there was a note of hurt evident in her voice. She was still very much in love with Dan but he was already with Vanessa.

Nate was even more shocked. He had only broken up with Vanessa yesterday, yet here she was making out with Dan Humphrey. They were so coupley, how had this even happened. But he knew that he had to at least acknowledge their presence, which he did with a tilt of his head and a simple "Hey."

After a couple minutes of awkward silence Dan went ahead and spoke. "Well we really should be going, we are supposed to meet Jenny for lunch to celebrate her meeting with Blair's mom." By this point Dan was getting nervous. He didn't know how much longer he could hold up this charade. He just wasn't into Vanessa like that anymore and he was starting to get unsure as to whether or not he wanted Serena to think that he was. Dan was already regretting his spur of the moment decision to play along with Vanessa's little game.

Everyone said their goodbyes before Dan and Vanessa walked off. As they walked Vanessa couldn't help but worry as to whether or not she had done the right thing. Nate had not reacted well when Blair had dated someone else.

Nate couldn't help but say out loud, "How could Vanessa go to Dan so quickly? It was just yesterday that she was begging me to take her back and now she is already with Dan. How can she do that to me?"

"I don't know Nate and I think Dan is really moving on, I mean he said that that was what he wanted but I was still hoping that maybe he would reconsider."

**Hello Upper East Siders, my sources tell me we have some very interesting couple switching going on in the Hamptons. N and S spotted looking chummy and D and V seen sharing a passionate kiss on the beach. I wonder why none of them look very happy? You know you love me.**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

* * *

Earlier that morning

Chuck was sitting at the kitchen table. Blair hadn't come out of her room yet. She usually didn't wake up until 11 or so during the summer so that wasn't a real surprise. What was a surprise was who he was 

sitting eating breakfast with. Marcus was directly across the table from him, eating and describing in detail his plans for Blair tonight.

"So you think Blair is going to like all that, right?" Marcus looked genuinely concerned that she wouldn't enjoy everything he had planned.

"Of course she will, Bair is the most romantic girl in the world, she will love all of that stuff." And unfortunately Chuck knew he was telling the truth. Blair was going to love the flowers, the chocolates, the fact that Marcus was cooking for her even if he was making her sushi. Chuck knew that Blair was going to love everything about it and if Marcus could really give Blair what she wanted he wasn't sure that he could fight that.

"Good man, because I so want to hit that tonight. I mean Blair and I have been together for over a month, it is about time I got some ass. And if romance is the way to do, then I'm all for it." Marcus said with a nasty smirk on his face.

Chuck's head snapped up so quickly that he probably could have gotten whip lash. Had Marcus the perfect gentlemen, just said that he wanted to have sex with Blair tonight? And the way he said it was beyond disgusting. Chuck had to restrain himself from lunging over the table and slamming his fist into Marcus's face. How could he have thought for a second that he could let Blair be with this guy? No way was that happening. He was going to do whatever it took to keep Blair safe and win her trust back. "High five man, I mean who doesn't want to tap that?" Chuck knew he had to play along or there was absolutely no way that he was going to get Blair away from this jerk. No he was going to need a new plan. He texted one of his dad's personal assistants and told him to pick up a vase of hydrangeas, a box of Godiva Chocolate's Gold Collection, and the pizza he would take care of himself. Yes, he was going to get Blair away from Marcus and show her that he was the only one who really knew her.

Marcus couldn't help but smirk. Yeah he was finally going to get some pay out for being Blair Waldorf's lapdog for the past month and he couldn't wait to have her in his bed. He couldn't definitely see a friendship developing with Chuck, I mean Chuck is the whole reason he knew so much about what Blair liked. He had a lot of arrangements to make so he went ahead and excused himself.

As he watched Marcus walk away, the only thing he could think was that he didn't know if all of that stuff was going to be enough to get her back.

* * *

Blair woke up to the sound of knocking on her door. After quickly checking her appearance in the mirror Blair said "Come in." Honestly, she was expecting Serena or Marcus. She didn't expect two maids coming in with vases full of flowers. One bouquet was red roses accompanied by the Godiva Signature Collection the other was blue hydrangeas with the Godiva Gold Collection. There was a note on each box of candy. She took the one from the Signature Collection first. Reading it only made her smile.

_Dearest Blair, _

_I hope that you will join me this evening for a candlelight sushi dinner at 9:00pm._

_Love,_

_Marcus_

Marcus was so sweet. So what if she didn't like sushi, he was wonderful and he was asking her out on a romantic date. Then there were the other flowers. She knew who they were from because there was only one person out there who knew that her favorite flower was hydrangeas. So she hesitantly took the card from the top of the box. Her hands were shaking so badly that she didn't think that she would actually be able to read it; but somehow she managed.

_B, _

_I love you and I know you love me too. I know that we can make this thing between us work. Meet me this afternoon at 6:30pm in the Media Center. I promise I will tell you what you want to know. _

_Yours Always,_

_C_

Blair couldn't stop shaking. Chuck was promising to tell her why he was so scared of being with her. He said he loved her. Blair couldn't even think about Marcus all she could think about was Chuck's note. As she went down stairs she was expecting to have someone to talk to but from the two notes left she knew she was by herself for the rest of the afternoon. Marcus was out preparing for their dinner and Serena had gone with Nate to the beach then she was hanging out at his place. Well tonight was going to be interesting that was for sure.

**Spotted: B getting flowers . . . from two men. Looks like our B has more than one beau.**

* * *

Chuck waited in the Media Center as patiently as he could. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. He had never told anyone any of this, even Nate. On top of that, he was going to do it in the most romantic way that he knew how. He was going to sing for Blair. No one knew that he could sing or play the guitar so he knew that she would be surprised.

When Blair walked into the room the first thing she noticed wasn't the pizza on the table or the guitar in Chuck's hands, it was the desperate look on Chuck's face. So when Chuck gestured toward the pizza she went ahead and took a piece before sitting down. The next thing she new Chuck was strumming on his guitar.

He watched Blair's eyes widen as he started playing and widen further as he began to sing.

_A strangled smile fell from your face_

_It kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

_Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes_

_She said if we're gonna make this work_

_You gotta let me inside even though it hurts_

_Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see_

_She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be_

_You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together_

_I know you deserve much better_

_Remember the time I told you the way that I felt_

_And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself_

_Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes_

When Chuck finished he looked back up at Blair. Shock was written all over her face and she was crying. Shit what had he done now, she wasn't supposed to cry. "Blair are you okay?" He was already next to her chair by this point, gently wiping her tears.

"I didn't know that you could sing." Blair managed to get out. She had so many emotions running through her all at the same time that she found it difficult to articulate. "But that doesn't tell me why Chuck."

Chuck smirked, there was his Blair. "The why, I am getting to." He took a deep breath before he continued. "This is something I have never talked about, with anyone. You already know my mom died when I was nine. Well after that my dad got me a puppy and I named her Daisy after my mom's favorite flower. Daisy was still just a puppy but one day I wanted to bring her to school with me. I snuck her in my backpack and she stayed quiet all day long. That afternoon I went to Central Park and let Daisy run around. A big dog got a hold of her and he died."

"Chuck that is so sad, but I still don't see what that has to do with me."

"Don't you see Blair, everything I love dies. I'm scared to love someone because every time I love something I lose it. I thought if I could prove to myself that I didn't love you, then I wouldn't lose you. I know that it's backwards but I've never let myself love someone before. But Blair, I love you, I love you so much that I can't be without you." As he said this he moved so close that his lips were just a half inch away from hers. He wanted her to finish the kiss and with only a couple of seconds looking into his eyes, she did.

The kiss was fiery from the start. But the longer that they were connected the more passionate it became. She ran her hands up and around his back and locked her fingers in his hair. Simultaneously, Chuck was running his hands from her face down her body until he was grasping her thighs. He picked her up and started carrying her over to the couch. After laying her down he only said one thing. "You sure?"

In response, Blair grabbed his face and pulled his lips back to hers.

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**Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took so long to update, college is absolutely nuts. Hope you all really like this chapter though. **

**  
The song I used is Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse.**

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	7. I Spy

**So I know it has been over a month but I really don't want to just quit writing, so for anyone who is still interested here's Chapter 7. And I must add that I am terribly terribly sorry for not updating sooner, I actually had this chapter ready at one point but my computer crashed so now I have to start over again. Anyways, I hope you like it and as always please read and review.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Warning: ****I am marking this chapter as rated M because the beginning is a little sexual but I don't anticipate that it is enough that the whole story needs to be rated M.**

* * *

Chuck responded to her kiss with just as much passion as she had kissed him with. It was amazing how much he wanted Blair, and not just because she was beautiful. He wanted her mind, her body, her heart, he was 100 in love with her and he knew it. Somehow finally admitting this made him desire her even more. So as he allowed his hands to explore her body and remove her articles of clothing, he began to feel a fire that he never even knew existed before this point. He let his kisses trail down her jaw line to the special place on her neck where he knew she loved to be kissed.

She couldn't think. It was as simple as that. Chuck was trailing kisses down her neck and there was this intense need and desire rushing through her body. She didn't just want Chuck, she needed him. Blair wasn't thinking about what everyone else was going to think, she wasn't thinking about how she was going to break up with Marcus, she was just thinking that she needed Chuck. She could feel her body getting impatient though. And when she felt Chuck move away from her she tried to grip into his hair and back to stop him.

Chuck was amused that Blair wouldn't let him pull back. He let her win for a minute because it wasn't like he wasn't enjoying their intense make-out session but eventually he had to reach back and detach her arms from him. When he heard Blair make sounds of frustration, he couldn't help but smirk. "Hold your horses Blair, I'm just getting some protection."

At hearing that Blair smiled and started to reach over and take off his shirt.

Wow was she impatient, Chuck couldn't help but think. Not that he was any less so, he just knew that they had to take precautions or they might regret it later. But he had never realized before how difficult it was to put on a condom while someone was trying to take your clothes off. Once he had finally finished he got started removing Blair's undergarments.

Chuck was removing her matching La Perla bra and thong set when she realized that there was something very important that she had yet to make clear. So as he finished Blair set up. She could tell that Chuck was confused by the look on his face and he propped himself up on one arm to see what was the matter. "Don't worry, nothing's wrong." Blair clarified, "I just realized that I have something important to tell you. Something that you have made clear to me, but I haven't done the same for you."

As Blair said this, Chuck saw the sweetest, most angelic smile he had ever seen cross Blair's face. Chuck knew what she was about to say before she even opened her mouth and he reached up a hand to cup her cheek. "Blair, you don't have to say it just because I did. I don't want to rush you, I want you to say it when you are ready . . ."

Blair placed one finger on Chuck's lips to get him quite before she said the words that she had been feeling for so long without even knowing it, "I love you. It wasn't something I expected to happen and I can't pinpoint the moment that it did, but I do, I love you. What I felt for Nate was nothing compared to what I feel for you."

"I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before, with the exception of my mother." Chuck interrupted without thinking.

"Chuck, I wasn't done." Blair reprimanded with a small smile. "I'm sorry it took me so long to admit that I cared, and even longer to admit that I am in love with you. I want to be with you, regardless of what has gone on between us. I can't deny the fact that we fit."

"Can I talk now?" Chuck said with a smirk. When Blair nodded, he spoke. "It wasn't like I was rushing to admit my feelings either, but I should have, because I think that I have probably always loved you. You were the only girl that I ever respected enough not to try something with. Sure you were Nate's girlfriend but that wouldn't have stopped me if I hadn't already cared. You are beautiful, smart, classy, and sexy as hell, in short, everything that I have ever wanted." Chuck noticed Blair blush as he admitted things he never thought he would. I'm sorry for the things I've said and done, I was stupid and insecure and that is probably not going to go away over night, but I'm working on it."

Blair didn't break the intense gaze traveling between them as she replied, "Chuck, I know who you are and I will never ask you to be someone else. I could never ask you to change for me."

"Blair, there are some things that I want to change. I want to be the kind of guy that you can count on to be there for you, the kind of guy that you can be in a relationship with."

"I know you have insecurities though and I'm willing for us to have a relationship that might not last because of that, but I'm going to put my all into it for as long as you want me."

"Forever, I will want you forever Blair." And with that Chuck kissed her. This time it was different. No less amazing or less passionate, but there was a spark even more special than before.

"Make love to me Chuck." Chuck understood the significance of those words. This wasn't sex, this wasn't an scandalous affair like before, they weren't screwing each other, they were making love. They were moving together in perfect harmony and as he pushed inside her and she arched her back there was a feeling of rightness, of perfection. Regardless of the flaws in their relationship, their love, was perfect. When they were done, Chuck simply held her and let her sleep.

* * *

Chuck simply laid there watching Blair sleep curled tightly against him. Her hair may have been tangled and her make up may not have been fixed but he thought that she had never looked more beautiful. Glancing out the window to the pool, Chuck got lost thinking about what had just happened between them. He had confessed everything to Blair and instead of feeling nervous or uneasy about her thinking he was too complicated, too damaged, he felt complete relief. That wasn't to say he wasn't still insecure, who wouldn't be with their very first relationship being so new, its just that he felt that he finally could be completely open with someone. Blair knew him, knew everything about him and still wanted to be with him. Chuck was so lost in thought that he didn't realize that Blair had awakened until she started talking.

"Lot on your mind?" Blair said with in a soft voice. Blair had been watching Chuck stare out the window for several minutes because she could tell that he was deep in thought and she didn't want to disturb him. Finally she couldn't wait any longer to see what he was thinking so she started talking.

"Just you" Chuck said as he kissed her forehead.

"Shit" Blair suddenly exclaimed as she extracted herself from Chuck and jumped off the couch completely naked. "Shit, shit, shit, I have to go meet Marcus." Blair started grabbing clothes off the floor, not even noticing the look on Chuck's face. If she had, she would have stopped immediately because Chuck was pissed.

"Wait a second Blair" Chuck said grabbing her arm. Blair flipped toward him with a confused look on her face. "I'm not okay with that. I'm not just going to be your side guy again. I thought you understood that before we made love."

The look on Blair's face went from one of confusion to one of understanding, as she realized what Chuck thought she was doing. Chuck thought she was going back to Marcus. Once she understood, Blair softened her eyes and smiled down at Chuck who was still sitting on the couch. She walked over to him and sat on his lap. Blair reached up her hand to his face and kissed him. Deeply and passionately.

At first Chuck didn't respond to her kiss but he couldn't resist her long and soon he was pulling her into him. He still wasn't sure what was going on but he could never resist Blair. He felt her giggle into the kiss "What now Waldorf?" Chuck said, with his lips still against hers.

To talk Blair had to pull back. "Ahh Bass, you didn't think I was going back to Marcus did you?"

"Maybe" Chuck said blushing a little himself. He realized that his insecurity issue had caused him to jump to conclusions as usual. "You know I'm still working on the whole trust thing and the first thing I thought when you said you were late meeting Marcus was of the time before the Cotillion when you left to meet Nate."

"I haven't really given you a precedent for trusting me so I can't really blame you but I do have to get dressed." Blair said as she stood back up, with more difficulty this time because Chuck really didn't want to let her go.

Blair was gathering her clothes as Chuck who had simply been relishing the view started speaking again. "Why don't you just rejoin me on the couch. Marcus can deal with you being a little late." Chuck said with a smirk.

"Well," Blair started with an innocent look on her face, "I was going to break up with him, but . . . "

Chuck jumped off the couch and immediately started picking up clothes. "In that case, let me help you."

* * *

The sound of them laughing as they half gathered Blair's clothes and half kissed made Marcus want to vomit. It was taking serious restraint for him not to go running down the stairs to the media center and kill Chuck. But he knew that he couldn't if his plan was going to work and as hard as he had prepared for this, he wasn't going to blow it now.

There were a lot of things that money and power could buy you. One of those was surveillance system installed in under an hour flat. Which he had realized had been necessary the second he had read the card on Chuck's flowers this morning. The maid had done exactly as he asked and shown him anything else Blair was receiving. They must think he was so stupid, that he wouldn't pick up on their clandestine romance, no he had known all along. The second he mentioned Blair's name in front of Chuck he had known that Chuck was in love with her. When Chuck was filling him in on all things Blair, Marcus had seen right through the act. He had always suspected that Blair might be using him, especially when she invited him to the Hamptons with her, but he wasn't sure what she was using him for until he saw her face when Chuck walked through the door after their game of tennis. Blair was using him to make a guy jealous and that pissed him off, he was not some kind of rebound guy. He had kept a close eye on them. Noticing them each sneaking looks at the other throughout dinner, he had watched them at the pool from his room. Watched as he touched her and kissed her. Blair was his and nothing upset him more that to see someone touching his things. Their hallway conversations made him even angrier. That is when the plotting began. Blair might have started off as good publicity but she was gorgeous and fiery, with a body that screamed "fuck me." In short something worthy of possessing. Plus nothing made him want something more, than someone else telling him he couldn't have it. Provoking Chuck that morning had been so much fun. He had loved dangling Blair in front of his face, knowing that there was nothing Chuck could do about it. So he persuaded the maid to bring him anything sent to Blair and when he saw Chuck's note he called some of his people and had them sneak in and install a video and sound surveillance system in the media center that linked to his bedroom. It hadn't been difficult with everyone either out or locked away in their rooms. Blair hadn't even been awake yet. He had thought it was a long shot that he would actually get something good from the surveillance but it turned out to definitely be something that he could work with.

The day was about to get really interesting. He chuckled to himself about the fact that Blair actually thought he was cooking for her. He had never cooked a day in his life and wasn't about to start now but that was the romantic thing to say so he had said it. He straightened up his tie as the machine finished running. But to think Blair actually though that she was breaking up with him tonight. It was almost laughable. No Blair wasn't going to breaking up with him at all, Marcus thought as he inserted a copy of the footage into a case and slide it down in a gift bag. This was one present he was sure Blair wasn't going to enjoy.

**Careful who's watching B because sometimes you play games with the wrong people. In which case you just might get burned.**

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AN: Hope everyone enjoyed the update, sorry it took so long. As always, please read and review.

* * *


	8. A New Player

**So here's the next chapter, updated much sooner as promised. For those of you reading the story I am switching it over to TV shows next time I update. :) Anyways, I hope you like it and as always please read and review.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language**

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Chuck was floating on air. Everything was going to be fine. He and Blair were really going to go for this and he wasn't scared anymore. Sure somewhere inside he was still insecure, who wouldn't be with his history, but he trusted Blair. She knew him and he knew her and nothing was going to pull them apart again. He refused to let it. Chuck didn't think he had ever been this happy and he knew that everyone could see it on his face by Nate's reaction when Nate opened the door to his house.

**Why Mr. Bass, you look quite happy. Could this have to do with a certain beautiful brunette?**

"Chuck, dude, I take it things with Blair are fixed." Nate said with a huge grin. He was happy for Chuck and by the look on Chuck's face Chuck was finally happy himself.

"Why Nathaniel, for once you're being quite perceptive." Chuck said with a look of mock shock.

Nate shoved Chuck playfully and acting offended "Hey, that's was harsh."

But Chuck knew Nate understood he was just messing around by the smile on his face and Chuck continued on in the house. "Since you apparently can already tell how things are going for me, what's up with you. I know I wasn't here for you during the mess with Punky Bruster because of my own drama, so tell me Nathaniel what can I do for you?" Chuck said as he sat down on the couch.

There was his best friend. Chuck was always there for him. "Chuck how could I begrudge you for that! You are always listening to me complain about some girl or another and you are always the person I come to with my problems. The switch of roles should probably happen more often." Nate said as he plopped down next to Chuck on the couch. "But, since you asked . . . "

At this Chuck chuckled. "I knew there had to be something." Chuck said smirking.

Nate just shook his head, "You know me too well Chuck." At this point Nate continued to relay the entire Vanessa, Serena, Dan episode from earlier that day.

"This one's simple man." Chuck had helped Nathaniel work through plenty of messes in the past. In his opinion this one was relatively simply. "Who do you want Blair, Vanessa, or Serena but for your safety you better not say Blair cause then we would have a problem." Chuck added the last bit with a smirk.

"No worries man, I assure you Blair and I were done. Even if you too weren't together, there is too much water under that particular bridge; plus Blair and I are finally friends again and its nice. As for the rest, Serena clearly doesn't want a relationship with me. She is still hung up over Dan and apparently so is Vanessa." Nate said as he dropped his head into his hands.

"Nathaniel, if you want something are you really going to let Humpty Dumpty stand in your way? Really, I thought I taught you better than that. If you want Serena this is the perfect opportunity to show her, she isn't attached to Humpty and you can show her how much better the two of you are together. Or if it is Punky Bruster who you want, I highly doubt she is already back in love with Humphrey when just yesterday she was all over you. So think about it, decide which woman it is that makes you smile just by thinking about her and go for it. Get your girl."

"Chuck, that has to be the sappiest thing that I have ever heard you say. But thanks." Nate said, smiling for the first time since the beach today. He knew which girl it was that made him feel that way and he was going to show her just how he felt.

"What can I say, I'm a man in love." Chuck said with quite possible the biggest grin he had ever shown.

**Spotted: C and N having a heart to heart over the women in their life and both finishing with smiles. Who's the lucky girls gentlemen. I think I speak for all of Manhattan and the Hamptons in saying I wish it were me. **

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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Blair's heart was pounding in her chest as she walked down the staircase to the romantic dinner Marcus had set up. Not because she was nervous, because she wasn't. Sure she felt bad about breaking up with Marcus, he was a gentlemen and an all around nice guy, and she hadn't treated him well; but her heart was pounding because she was excited. This felt right. For the first time in her life, she was completely certain that she was doing the right thing. She was in love with Chuck and she wanted to be with him. Plus, Marcus deserved to be with someone who could love him the way she loved Chuck.

"You look lovely tonight Blair." Marcus said in the most Prince Charming like voice he could muster.

"Thank you Marcus." They carried on with dinner for a while before Blair couldn't wait any longer. "Marcus there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Really? Go ahead darling." Marcus said, still keeping his voice perfectly calm. "Well, actually wait a second, you weren't planning on breaking up with me were you? Because I think you'll reconsider."

Blair had heard Marcus's voice change as he spoke. By the end there was almost a hatred in it. And the look on his face, was terrifying. She suddenly had an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What? What are you talking about Marcus." Blair stuttered.

"Don't play dumb Blair it doesn't suit you." Marcus spat as he handed her the gift bag. Blair cautiously opened the bag and the disc case as Marcus continued. "On that disc you'll find a tape of your and Chuck's escapades from this afternoon and you can break it if you want I have several copies. Don't look so surprised darling. Did you really think I was that stupid? By the look on your face I would say that you did indeed. Well well, what an ego bruiser. No, you little slut, I knew all along what was going on with you and Charles."

"Please, don't use this tape. I'm sorry for hurting you really, I felt awful but I have to follow my heart." Blair was terrified. She had never seen this side of Marcus and it scared her.

"You silly little girl. Originally, I didn't give a shit. But I've decided that you are worth my time. You see, you are exactly the kind of woman I want beside me and I am determined to have you."

"I don't care," Blair said shaking her head, "show the tape to the world if you want to, it won't make me be with someone like you."

"I'm sorry you said that Blair. Well in any case, I came prepared for that answer." Marcus said as he pulled a folder from a bag he had at his feet. "You see in this folder is evidence that your Chuck Bass was using his club Victrola to run a prostitution ring and a minor slave trade in which he arranged for a sell of one of his dancers to the highest bidder. Complete with witnesses willing to testify in a court of law."

"Let me see that." Blair said as she jerked the folder out of Marcus's hand and attempted to read it in her own shaking hands. "There's no way any of this is true." Blair said, certain of her answer.

"Of course not." Marcus said with a shrug. "But you know Chuck's reputation, and with as many witnesses as I have paid to set it up, he would certainly be put away for a very long time for it. I'm a very powerful man Blair and you would do well to learn not to cross me. Now you have a choice. Either, your Chuck Bass goes away for a very long time or you do what I want."

Blair was having trouble processing all of this. It couldn't be happening. She couldn't lose Chuck and as realization sank in she realized that either way she already had. Could she do it though? Could she sacrifice her own happiness to keep Chuck safe? When Blair looked into her heart she knew she had to. "Okay, you win, what do you want?" Blair said utterly defeated. But of all the things that ran through her head of what Marcus was going to ask, what happened next was something that she had never considered.

Marcus got down on one knee and opened a little black box with held a huge diamond ring. But the unusual thing was the malevolent look on his face and the venom in his voice. "Marry me."

**Sometimes when you are playing poker, you think you have a great hand and you don't do much to hide it, maybe you have three Aces. So you bet all in, but sometimes when you do that, the player next to you turns a Royal Flush and you lose everything. Better luck next time B, and in the mean time maybe M could teach you a thing or two about having a good poker face because from what we hear he's the master.**

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**AN: Yeah I know that it's short and a little unrealistic but I have an exam tomorrow and I was itching to get this part up. I love you guys :)  
**


	9. The Forfeit

**So here's the next chapter, updated much sooner as promised. So even though I said that I was switching over next time I added an extra update in honor of Cryzzel (Cher's) Birthday and I'll be switching over next time. Anyways, I hope you like it and as always please read and review.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

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Blair's jaw dropped and she was rendered completely speechless.

"Honey close your jaw, it's unattractive." Marcus said as he took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger.

"Whhaat? Whyyy? I don't understand. Why do you want to marry me when you know that I don't love you. When you know that I love someone else." Blair was confused and furious.

"You see Blair, there's nothing that I want more than something I can't have. Plus, you are the perfect mate so to speak. Beautiful, smart, undeniably sexy, and on top of all of that you have a spotless reputation which will please my PR agent."

As Marcus explained things, Blair couldn't help but be disgusted by the very things that Chuck had said just hours before that made her blush.

"My PR agent has been on me for some time now to choose a bride, so that the new Duchess can be properly trained. And you my dear are not only perfect for the job of Duchess but as of yet you are the only girl who has kept me occupied for longer than a week. That is a feat unto itself. You see we will be perfect together." Marcus chuckled as he stroked Blair's face.

Blair had started to panic. He was actually serious, Marcus was crazy. This whole thing was crazy but she had to do it. She had to protect Chuck from whatever Marcus could have done to him. Even though she kept repeating that she wouldn't cry, she felt one tear slide down her cheek.

"Aww, don't cry, a bride to be should never cry. I've already decided that our wedding will be after you finish high school. We'll move to England and you can attend school there if you want, I was thinking Oxford. But that's something we can worry about later, for now I think we should go upstairs."

As Blair followed Marcus up the steps to her bedroom she promised herself that she would never cry again. She was strong and this was something that she had to do, so she would do it. Marcus opened the door, allowing her to enter and Blair didn't even notice as he didn't shut the door.

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Chuck was walking up the main stair case of the Van der Bass home with a little bounce in his step. He had never been this excited to see someone in his life. Blair would have ended things with Marcus by this point as the abandoned dinner downstairs indicated, and they would finally be together. He paused on the stairs as he heard the grunting of a male. WTF thought Chuck. What male in this house was getting some? It must be Serena, maybe she and Humpty Dumpty had worked things out after all. Whatever, it didn't really concern him.

When he reached the hallway and saw through the open door of Blair's room he immediately fell into the wall. His knees couldn't even begin to support him at the sight of Marcus on top of Blair, Marcus inside of Blair, his Blair, the girl he had told just hours ago that he loved, the girl who had returned the same sentiments. At that moment, Marcus looked to the doorway and gave the most evil smirk imaginable. Chuck felt like his heart was being ripped out as Blair turned her head to follow Marcus's. The look of horror on Blair's face killed him. She had thought that she could keep this a secret from him. She had thought he wouldn't find out. He knew it; he knew he should have never confessed his feelings that she couldn't be trusted. With that he shut the door and walked back to his room.

As soon as he reached his room he collapsed on the floor and cried. Cried for his mom, for Daisy, for what he had lost with Blair, before he came to the conclusion that he was right about women to begin with. His only use for them was for his own sexual pleasure; they couldn't be trusted for anything else.

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As soon as she saw Chuck, Blair started struggling under Marcus and he held her down. "Stop it Marcus!" But he didn't let up, he just laughed. "I SAID STOP! I have to go to him, you don't understand, you don't know what this is going to do to him, finding out like this." Blair pleaded.

"You're right Blair, I don't know, and I don't care." After which he clamped his mouth back on top of hers and finished what he had started.

Blair lay awake that night, waiting on Marcus to fall asleep. Once he had, she gentle extracted herself from his grip and pulled on her clothes before making her way quietly over to Chuck's room. She didn't knock because she knew he wouldn't answer and on top of that she didn't want to make any extra noise.

"What are you doing here Blair?" Chuck asked when he noticed her standing just inside of his room. His tone was emotionless, dead.

"Chuck please listens to me, I'm sorry, I can't explain it but I didn't have a choice." Blair pleaded.

_It's a shame that it had to be this way  
It's not enough to say you're sorry  
It's not enough to say you're __sorry_

"Shut up Blair; don't tell me you didn't have a choice. I SAW YOU." Chuck's voice was increasing in volume as he sat up from his bed.

"Please, listen to me. I don't want to hurt you." Blair tried to place her hand on his face and he grabbed it.

_Maybe I'm to blame  
Or maybe we're the same  
But either way I can't breathe  
Either way I can't breathe_

"BLAIR, I SAID BE QUIET." Chuck said forcefully as he pulled her to him. Then with obvious hatred and hurt in his voice he softly said, "I'm so sick of all of your lies and games. You said you were going to end things with him. That you wanted a relationship. What was it, all some kind of game so that you could hurt me as badly as I hurt you? That's twisted even for you Waldorf and I can't believe I fell for it. You went through with it even after I told you why, after I told you about my mother. You're sick Waldorf. "Chuck said as he released her arm, effectively pushing her away.

_All I have to say is goodbye  
we're better off this way  
we're better off this way_

"Chuck please, I love . . ." Blair begged.

"Don't. Don't say those words to me ever again." Chuck interrupted. "You don't mean them and I don't want to hear them from your mouth. There's no possible explanation for what you just did Waldorf. None at all, is there?"

_I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive  
Cause everything we've been through  
And everything about you  
Seemed to be a lie  
A guiltless twisted lie  
It made me learn to hate you  
Or hate myself for letting it pass by_

Blair noticed the slight inkling of hope at the end of Chuck's sentence. He wanted to be able to forgive her but she knew that he couldn't because she had to protect him and if he knew he would never let her. So Blair just sat there, not answering his question.

"That's what I thought." Chuck said, in a resigned tone.

_All I had to say is goodbye  
We're better off this way  
We're better off this way  
All I had to say is goodbye  
We're better off this way  
We're better off this way_

Blair was desperate to try to get through to him, to make him understand that this wasn't his fault, so she spoke rapidly so that he couldn't really interrupt. "But Chuck, there's something you need to know. It wasn't because I don't love you because I do. Just know that. Know that I love you in a way that I have never loved someone we just can't be together, it isn't something that you did or something that I did, there's just outside circumstances that mean it can't happen." But it didn't seem to matter. By the look on Chuck's face he had already shut down completely.

_And every, everything isn't only  
What it seemed so take back these  
Words that you told me  
It's time to say goodbye  
It's time to say goodbye  
It's time to say goodbye  
Goodbye  
Bye_

"Leave Waldorf. Go back to your Lord and stay the Hell away from me. For good this time."

_  
Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong___

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Blair got up to leave and right as she was walking through the door she heard Chuck say in a cold controlled voice reminiscent of the old Chuck Bass, "Why don't you try shutting the door next time, unless you're in to that whole voyeurism thing. It's a little too kinky Waldorf."

She knew with that that there was nothing else that she could do, the damage was done, she had hurt Chuck in a way that only she could do and nothing could ever fix that, so she went back to her room and slipped back into bed with Marcus. But as she was crawling back in bed she had the sudden urge to run to the bathroom where she threw up everything that had been in her stomach before collapsing on the ground in tears.

*FLASH BACK* (the night of the Van der Bass wedding)

_"Chuck I have to tell you something" Blair said as she raised her head from his chest. _

_  
"What is it Blair?" Chuck said a little concerned. Blair sounded so hesitant and this was all so new that he didn't know what it could be._

_"I have a little problem. Sometimes when I get too stressed or when I'm hurting about something, I throw up." Blair wasn't done but Chuck had sat them both up and was already holding her hand when she continued. "It's gotten better, I mean the last time _

_I did it was during that mess this spring, but I just wanted you to know, because I trust you and I thought that well, I thought that I could share that with you."_

_Chuck stroked Blair's hair as she spoke. Blair was telling him that she was bulimic. He had always known, he had observed her for so long and had always wondered how no one else had noticed. Not that she flaunted it or anything but it was like no one ever looked close enough to see. Which was probably the truth. No one ever saw Blair. Not like he did at least. That she was telling him was a huge deal. "Thank you, for telling me I mean."_

_"You're welcome." Blair half giggled. "I'm not sure how to actually answer that."_

_"No I just know that that had to have been hard for you just then and I wanted you to know that no matter what I am always going to be here for you. If you ever need me, if anything ever happens, call me and I'll be there."  
_

_ "Thank you." Blair said before leaning in to kiss Chuck._

*FLASHBACK II* (two days before Tuscany)

_"Chuck can you come over" Blair cried into the phone. _

_"Give me ten minutes Blair" Chuck had said before shutting his phone and running to the limo. As soon as he had gotten the call he had known what had happened. When he walked into the bathroom he just sat down on the floor and held her head. _

_"I didn't want to, it's just my mom made me try on this dress and I couldn't fit in it then well then this happened." Blair sobbed into Chuck's chest._

_"Stand up Blair" Chuck said as he pulled her to her feet and positioned her in front of the mirror. _

_"What are you doing Chuck" Blair said confused._

_"Look at yourself in the mirror Blair." Which she did. He could see on her face that she was disgusted by the sight. _

_"Blair what do you see?" Chuck asked gently._

_"I see a pathetic girl who can't get control of her life. She's ugly and fat and her hair is a mess." Blair responded. _

_"I don't." Chuck said back._

_"Then you're not looking at the same girl."_

_"Maybe I'm not" Chuck replied. "Because the girl I see is amazing, and beautiful. She has an amazing body and I've never seen anyone like her."_

_"Nope, not the same girl."  
_

_ "Blair, listen to me" Chuck said resting his hands on her fragile shoulders. "The girl I see is the girl everyone sees but you. Look again and I want you to say 'I'm beautiful and there are people who love me.'" _

_"I'd be lying."_

_"No you wouldn't be Blair." _

_Blair looked back at Chuck, at the sincerity in his eyes, then turned toward the mirror and opened her mouth. "I . . . I'm beautiful and people love me." Blair stammered.  
_

_ "Good job Blair." Chuck said as he turned her back around and held her as she cried. At which he heard her utter a quiet "Thank you."_

_*END OF FLASHBACKS*_

Blair lay down on the floor and allowed herself to cry for only five more minutes before standing up and looking in the mirror. _Chuck was wrong_ Blair thought to herself. _That girl isn't beautiful. That girl doesn't have anyone who loves her anymore, that girl is alone. _

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**Sometimes a player gets fed up with the game and quits, right C? And sometimes when that happens we end up all alone, without the people that we thought that we were always going to have. Either way you can always count on me to keep playing. **

**You Know You Love Me**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**

**AN: As I said before Happy Birthday Cher :) I'm sorry it couldn't be a happier one for you. But soon I promise :)**

**As always please read and review.**

**Song: Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade **

**(I took the liberty to change like two of the words lol)**


	10. Hate Me

**ATTENTION: BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU HAVE READ CHAPTER 9 PRIOR TO OCTOBER 29 YOU NEED TO GO BACK AND READ IT AGAIN BECAUSE I CHANGED/ADDED SOMETHINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THE STORY!!!!!**

Here's the next chapter, what can I say I'm on a roll.

One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters

Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.

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Nate knew that he had to talk to Serena. He had to tell her what he was feeling. He knew that she could sympathize. Imagine his surprise when he opened the door to go talk to her and she was already on his doorstep.

"Hey Nate, I thought maybe we could talk." Serena said as she walked into Nate's house. "You see I need something from you right now. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend."

"What?" Nate replied stunned. He had been going to see her to tell her that he wanted Vanessa back. "I can't do that Serena, I want to be with Vanessa."

"Yeah, and I want to be with Dan but unfortunately I just checked with Jenny and they are legit together. So please can we just give it a shot. I can't be alone right now."

Nate saw the look in her eyes. Serena had been for him at times when no one else had. How could he say no? "Okay."

"Okay" Serena replied before leaning in to a hug from Nate.

-

-

-

**-**

**-One-**

**-**

**-Month-**

**-**

**-Later-**

**-**

-

-

"Blair you're not happy." Serena said as she pulled Blair's dress for the Gala out of the closet. Serena had been watching her friend carefully for the past month and she knew that she couldn't be happy with Marcus.

"Mind your own business, Serena! Like your relationships are so perfect, you've had a fake boyfriend for the last month." Blair snapped but she knew her friend was right. In fact she wasn't just unhappy she was miserable. Marcus had been dragging her around the Hamptons from charity ball, to some gala, to art openings, usually two or three a day. It was all about publicity he said. They had been officially engaged for almost a month now and it was killing her slowly.

"B, I know you are still in love with Chuck, Nate told me that you guys were together right before you and Marcus got engaged and I see the way that you look at him, every single time he is within a foot of you. Especially when he brings one of those tramps over and makes a show of being all over them. Blair, why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to Chuck?" Serena said as she pulled Blair over to the bed to sit.

"You wouldn't understand S." Blair's voice cracked near the end.

"You don't know that B. Is it the title? Is it your other friends? What?" When Blair didn't answer, Serena tried to prompt her further. "Come on B, you can tell me anything."

With that Blair looked in to Serena's eyes and knew that she wanted more than anything to just be there for her but Blair was scared. What if Marcus found out that she told? He had warned her not to do that, not to tell anyone. Maybe she could just tell Serena that it wasn't her choice and just not say what Marcus had on them. "I don't want to be with Marcus, S."

"Then don't be Blair, I'm sure that Chuck will understand, he loves you." Serena didn't understand Blair sometimes."

"It's not that easy S, I don't have a choice." Blair looked away from Serena as she said that last part.

Serena was even more confused with that, "Of course you do B, you always have a choice."

"Not this time S, Marcus knows things" Blair said cautiously hoping that that would be enough to clue Serena in but of course Serena had to have everything spelled out for her. "Marcus knows things that he can use against me and Chuck." There she had said it.

"Blair I don't understand, what could Marcus possibly know that could hurt you." Serena said, concern written all over her face. What was going on with Blair.

"I can't tell you, he might find out and then this would all be for nothing." Blair said standing up. "Now help me finish getting ready."

Serena knew Blair well enough to know that that was all she was going to get out of her at that moment so she resolved to figure out what was going on and take care of it later.

Blair reached into her drawer and pulled out her necklace for the Gala. It was the one that Chuck had given her on her Seventeenth Birthday. Seeing it almost made break down, she was so alone. She thought that she was strong enough to do this but she wasn't sure anymore. It was too hard, she couldn't be with Marcus, it was killing her. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror anymore. She just saw that same ugly pathetic girl that she use to see. And as much as it was hurting her, she knew it was hurting Chuck more. And then the song on the radio changed. Hate Me by Blue October and Serena started to change the station.

"Ugh I hate this song." But Blair reached out her arm and stopped Serena from changing it. This song was one that Blair hadn't heard in so long, and she had never really understood it before now.

***FLASHBACK* (first semester sophomore year)**

_The song on Nate's stereo changed to some moody song and as Serena and Blair started whining (Nate always did like the strangest music) Chuck and Nate both said that it was a good song and told them to be quiet._

_"Come on Blair" Nate said. "Blue October's a cool band"_

_"And these lyrics are so raw." Chuck said pensively._

_Nate looked at him funny. "Sometimes I don't understand you man, I mean I listen to music for the music not some words." To which Serena nodded in response._

_Blair had to admit that sometimes Nate was a little clueless and as was her best friend. But she looked up at Chuck and their eyes connected and let him know that she understood._

_**I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face  
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space**_

_**(Chorus)  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.**_

***END OF FLASHBACK***

She remembered how her eyes hadn't left his that entire song and now that she thought about it she realized that he likely had felt a lot from this song. If he had really loved her as long as he had said then this song probably exemplified the things that kept him from going after her and now it reminded her of why she could do this. She loved Chuck but she was doing this to protect him. No matter how alone she was, or how much she missed him she could do this. She could make him hate her enough to get over her. Then she wouldn't think about him because every time she did she got sick .

_**I'm sober now for 3 whole months  
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.  
In my way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight  
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind**_

Chuck wasn't there anymore to clean her up when she had an incident and she was going to have to handle this on her own, alone. Tonight she would hurt him again, worse than ever before, then she would ask Marcus to leave for England now and he would never have to think about her again. He could just hate her. She could do this for him. He had done it for her, this summer when he thought he would only hurt her in the end, he had left her. She could be strong enough to let him hate her.

_**  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.**_

She walked over to him at the Gala, with glares from Marcus and Chuck's date and pulled his ear close before whispering in Chuck's ear. "You were never good enough, you were never half the man that Marcus is, you're pathetic, and that you ever thought that I could be with someone as damaged as you is laughable, which I have of course been doing all along. Oh the hoops that you jumped through for me. It was ridiculous, you're ridiculous, and I hate you ." With which she reached up to her neck and ripped off her necklace and let it fall to the floor at Chuck's feet. She pulled out Marcus's ring which she had been keeping hidden, with Marcus's permission and slide it on her finger making sure Chuck and everyone else noticed. Then she walked away, strait to Marcus where she grabbed his arm and led him to a side lounge.

_**And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand  
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"  
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"**_

_**  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.**_

All the while Chuck had just stood there. This wasn't like Blair, she wasn't this cruel was she? No, he couldn't let himself feel this way about her anymore. He couldn't keep trying to see the good in her. But it was almost like she was trying to make him hate her. Saying the very things that would do the trick. Well she had succeeded.

**Upper East Siders, I have some sad news to announce. From what I hear it sounds like our very own Blair Waldorf is going to be leaving us. The exact date is still unknown but I saw the proposal announcement myself. Blair Waldorf is engaged and will eventually leave the UES to go be a Duchess over in dreary old England. Seems like she and C are off for good. Oh B, whatever is he going to do without you, what are we going to do without you?**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**AN: I might have cried writing this one lol. Anyways I hope you enjoyed it. As always, R & R if you want me to continue.**

**Song: Hate Me by Blue October  
**


	11. Keeping Score

**ONE NOTE: I CHANGED THE SCENE WITH CHUCK AND BLAIR TO OCCUR AT AN AFTER PARTY FOR THE GALA.**

**So here's the next chapter, updated relatively quickly :) AND it's a pretty long one! So please read and review.  
**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

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Chuck took two strides forward to where Blair was pulling on Marcus's arm. "Wait just a minute Blair, I need to talk to you first."

Marcus glared at him. "Go away Bass, my fiancé wants nothing to do with you, which I think she just made perfectly clear." Marcus was sneering.

"Oh don't worry Marcus you don't need to fret about me trying to win back your little prize, I just need to reiterate something to her." Chuck said in his politest voice possible.

Marcus didn't want to cause a scene so with a threatening glance at both of them he told Blair to meet him in the lounge in ten minutes.

"Chuck, what the hell do you think you are doing? I thought I just made things perfectly clear." Blair emphasized her point by trying to move around Chuck to follow Marcus. She didn't want to make this any harder on either of them, but Chuck was being difficult.

Chuck managed to prevent Blair from leaving and instead took her by the elbow and led her to the dance floor, where he cued the DJ. "You see Blair, I've requested you a song and I couldn't very well let you leave without hearing it. And it is only right for us to dance it together." Chuck made sure that everyone heard what he was saying.

Blair was confused at first but when the music started her whole body tensed up. Chuck couldn't be doing this. He was calling her out in front of all of these people, he was trying to prove to everyone that she didn't love Marcus and on top of that he was exposing their affair because everyone was watching them, everyone had heard what he had just said to her.

_**Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?**_

Chuck saw Blair's eyes widen in horror when she realized what the song was and for a second he wanted to take back what he was doing but then he remembered the words that she had just said to him and he came to the conclusion that she deserved this.

_**Then think of what you did  
And how I hope to God he was worth it.  
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin.**_

Chuck took command of the situation and pulled her to him and started dancing with her.

Blair knew she didn't have much of a choice so she went along with it. Other people were dancing too but she knew that everyone was watching.

_**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me**_

Chuck had pulled her back against him and began running his hand up her thigh. At which point he felt her body start to respond; even though he knew that Blair's mind was telling her not to.

_**Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me**_

Blair couldn't stop herself from responding to the way Chuck was touching her and before long they were grinding in the middle of the dance floor. As Chuck ran his hands up her body and spun her to face him.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

"Chuck" Blair gasped as she felt his hands up her dress. But she couldn't stop, she didn't want him to stop.

_**So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus  
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?  
(Let's pick up, pick up)**_

_**Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part  
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.  
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.  
Now let's not get selfish  
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?**_

As the chorus approached Chuck forced himself to stay emotionless. He couldn't let Blair see that he still wanted her. He just wanted to embarrass her and show her what it was like to be with him so that being with Marcus would be that much harder, but he wasn't going to fall back into that trap himself.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

They continued dancing with Chuck's hands roaming her body and hers clutching his hair. He had her dress hiked up and she didn't even care anymore. She didn't care about Marcus or what other people thought. She didn't even care that everyone was watching as Chuck kissed her neck and nibbled on her ear.

_**Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat**_

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**_

Blair looked up into Chuck's eyes and instead of seeing the intense heat that she expected to see, she saw coldness. She was shaken back to reality when Chuck said the next words along with the music.

_**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me**_

Then Chuck pulled Blair to him so that his mouth was right at her ear once more. "You see Blair you still lose. Everyone has seen what a slut you really are. Look around Blair, everyone saw what we just did on the dance floor. Everyone heard the words of the song. I may be damaged but you, you're the pathetic one and I think it is clear by your response to that little dance of ours that you are the one in all of this who is losing out because clearly Marcus just can't satisfy you like me."

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

_**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**_

By the end of the song Chuck had finished what he was saying and a stunned Blair looked around and saw that sure enough everyone had watched their little show, at which point she turned and ran.

**Spotted: B and C on the dance floor getting sexual after their little showdown earlier. Even I can't keep up with these two but from the looks of it I would say that C definitely won this round. But what does it matter if they both end up losing?**

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Serena was running, she had completely abandoned Nate near the drink table as soon as she saw what was going down with Chuck and Blair. Then when she saw Blair run she got scared. Serena knew at that point that she had to tell Chuck what was going on with Blair; at least what she knew of it because Blair was in too deep and Marcus seemed like a scary guy.

Chuck saw Serena running across the room, seemingly towards him. He looked around wondering who she might be running towards but he didn't see anyone he recognized. She isn't running to me is she, thought Chuck. "This better not be about Blair" Chuck said the second Serena reached him.

"It is Chuck," as Serena said this Chuck was already turning around, "but, damn it Chuck, listen to me!" Serena said.

Chuck whipped back around, not caring that people were still staring, "Listen to what Serena, listen to how Blair was plotting against me this whole time, that this was her revenge, getting me to say those damn words so that she could destroy me. NO, I won't listen and I won't feel bad about what I just did. Blair deserved it."

Chuck had to stop to take a breath and Serena jumped in the second she heard a pause. "No, Chuck, listen to how Marcus is blackmailing Blair." Serena didn't say anything more, she wanted to let what she had said be fully absorbed.

"You're lying." Chuck was astounded that Serena would involve herself in this game. What did she have to get out of torturing him further.

"No I'm not Chuck, she told me so herself. All I want is for Blair to be happy and being with Marcus will never be something that makes Blair happy. She's dying inside Chuck." Serena was pleading with him by now, she knew that the Chuck that loved Blair was inside of him, she could see it.

Chuck wanted to believe her so badly. He wanted to believe that Blair had a real reason for doing this to him; but how could he with everything that had happened. All they ever did was hurt each other. "Maybe you aren't, but maybe I can't be happy with Blair either. Maybe too much has happened."

Chuck was softening, she could tell by the sound of his voice. Serena was getting through to him. So she looked directly into his eyes when she said. "Or maybe you can't be happy with anyone else. Maybe you two are made for each other." She saw the change in his eyes when it happened. Chuck believed her.

"Damn it van der Woodsen, you better be right." Chuck said in a low voice. "As he started walking toward the hallway, he turned back and said one word, "Thanks." He might have said more but he had a girl to find and if it really was true he had some serious damage control to do.

Serena was content, she had done everything she could to help Blair but in doing that she realized something, she deserved to be with the person she loved too. She had to go find Nate.

**Hmmm S, looks like you might have had a lightbulb moment.**

**_________________________________________________________________________________**

Chuck was walking down the hallway, trying to find Blair, when he heard arguing coming from a side door. He could recognize Blair's voice and as luck would have it, the door was already cracked open. What he saw and heard, almost killed him.

"What did you think you were doing Blair?" Marcus said as he grabbed her arm.

"Let go of my arm Marcus." Blair demanded.

Instead of doing what Blair asked he gripped her arm tighter and pulled her closer to him. "No Blair, you embarrassed me tonight, a future Duchess cannot conduct herself in that manner. Not to mention the way that you announced our engagement was disgraceful in itself. Then you went and acted like a whore on the dance floor. EVERYONE SAW YOU!" As he spoke he continued tightening his grip.

Blair was trying to be strong but finally the pain became to much for her and she cried out.

"Be quiet Blair." Marcus demanded as he spun her around and clamped his free hand over her mouth. "Or did you forget our little deal?"

Blair shook her head no and Marcus brought his hand down from her mouth letting it come to rest on her shoulder.

"That's good Blair because I would hate to have to use all that evidence against you. So are you going to be a good girl now?" Marcus said stroking her neck.

"Yes" Blair said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Good." Marcus said releasing her from his grip.

At that Blair exhaled and reached up to rub her arm. She knew it was going to bruise later, it was already red.

"Go home, Blair, I'll go clean up the mess you have made of the evening." Marcus said as he walked out the door.

Chuck had just barely made it out of Marcus way as he left. But as soon as he knew the coast was clear he went strait into the room that Marcus had exited. The sight he saw was enough to make him want to kill himself. Blair was sitting on the floor with her back to the couch sobbing into her hands.

Blair didn't hear anyone come in, she was crying to hard. How had things ended up like this, then she heard a low voice.

"Why didn't you tell me Blair?"

It was Chuck, Chuck was standing just inside the door staring at her. He knew, he knew everything. "I couldn't" Blair whispered looking up at him. The look on his face was devastating.

"Blair, I'm suppose to protect you. How can I do that if you don't let me?" Chuck questioned moving closer.

"I didn't need protecting, Chuck." Blair said as she tried to stand.

"What do you mean Blair? You obviously do by what I just witnessed. Whatever Marcus has on you, I can take care of it." Chuck moved over and helped her up.

"No, I don't Chuck because it isn't me he has stuff on." Blair said, looking up into Chuck's eyes for the first time since he walked into the room.

_**The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting  
It couldn't be that we have been this way before **_

Blair's eyes told him everything. She had done this to protect him. She was giving up everything she truly wanted for him. "You're doing this for me." Chuck said, not in a question but a statement.

_**I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core **_

Blair nodded. "Marcus has so much power Chuck he can do things you wouldn't even be able to fix."

_**But hold your breath **_

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind**_

"I don't care Blair. Don't you see that." Chuck pleaded. "Whatever it is we can face it together."

_**I won't live to see another day  
I swear its true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find **_

"Chuck the stuff he has fabricated against you, you would go to jail, for a long time and he has a solid case." Blair said.

_**This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart **_

"Blair, whatever it is, isn't worth giving up your life for. Do you honestly think I would want that? I would rather give up my own." Chuck continued looking Blair straight in the eyes, she had done this for him and the whole time he was hating her. "How could I have not noticed. I was so busy hating you and plotting to get back at you that I didn't see. I'm so sorry Blair."

_**You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed  
But I have loved you from the start **_

"I didn't want you to see. I tried so hard to be strong, I dealt with things." At that word she looked down and Chuck knew that she was referring to her eating disorder. "I wanted you to hate me, I thought it would be easier for you to move on if you did. And this, you knowing, doesn't change anything at all, I'm still going through with it."

_**Oh, But hold your breath**_

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind **_

"Blair don't you see, this changes everything. You can't honestly think I'm going to let Marcus do this. No way. Blair I love you and I'm going to fix this."

_**I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
It's impossible to find **_

"Chuck you can't just fix everything. Marcus has the check mate this time." Blair said, getting a little annoyed. She had to make Chuck realize that he had to let things stay the way they are.

_**So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep **_

"We don't have to let him have the control Blair. We can be together and eventually we will figure some way out of this mess." When Blair didn't respond Chuck continued. "You can let Marcus think he is still winning but really we will both know he isn't. Meanwhile, I will try to figure out a way to beat him at his own game."

_**And hold onto your words  
'Cause talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep **_

After a moment of nothing but looking in eachother's eyes Blair finally gave her answer. "Okay." Was all she said. Chuck smiled, a determined smile before bending down and kissing her.

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find **_

They made love for the first time in over a month. Chuck was gentle; he had no clue what Blair might have been through. Chuck could taste and feel her tears as they did and he knew that he was crying too. They could do this thought Chuck, they had to do this.

_**Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find **_

**I think I saw some white flags waving tonight. A secret coalition may be in the works. Watch out M, you may not realize quite the force you are messing with. When these two are separated they can be beaten, when turned against each other, they will destroy one another, but and this is a big but, when they are together they are a force to be reckoned with.**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**AN: I hope everyone liked this chapter as much as I loved writing it. I think it may be one of my favorites.**

**The songs are Lying Is the**_** Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off**_** by PANIC! At The Disco and **_**Fall For You**_** by Secondhand Serenade. I know I've been using a lot of music lately but so many have been fitting so well.**


	12. The id Factor

**IMPORTANT: **For anyone who doesn't know the id is one of Freud's psychological structures (the id, the ego, and the super ego) it is the part of the unconscious that is regulated by the pleasure principle and focuses on immediate gratification and ones internal desires (i.e. id).

**Sorry it took so long for this one. I love you guys. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

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Chuck laid on the chaise lounge holding Blair as she slept. He couldn't believe that there were back in this place again. He had sworn to himself that he would never go there ever again; but, that was before. Before he knew what Marcus had done to her. He couldn't believe some of the things that he had said to her over the past month; especially tonight. She had been trying to protect him and Chuck was hating her. He had purposefully embarrassed her in front of everyone that mattered to her.

Now as he looked over her he could see bruises. The one on her arm was huge and he had seen him do that to her, but even then he had no clue how badly he was treating her. Chuck saw bruises on her upper arms, with clearly defined fingerprints, a large one on her shoulder, and some on her ankles and legs. What had Marcus been doing to her? Chuck wanted to kill him. He wanted to go find him and kill him for doing this to Blair. But he couldn't, Chuck knew that he would never be able to get away with killing Marcus so he was just going to have to beat him at his own game. If he could find something substantial on Marcus then it would be over. He would get his sources working on that as soon as he could but Chuck really wanted to be the one to bring the guy down, for Blair.

He didn't want to have to wake her up but he knew that she had been sleeping for close to an hour and she needed to get home before Marcus. So very gently Chuck did what he always use to do when he needed to wake her up, he stroked her back. It was funny, most girls, that put them to sleep but not Blair, no, that was the easiest way to wake Blair up without really disturbing her. So he did it and sure enough within a minute Blair had opened her eyes.

Blair smiled. Only Chuck knew that rubbing her back would wake her up. No one else had ever figured that out. Sure it relaxed her like everyone else when she was awake but in all honesty it was her favorite thing to awaken to. As she looked into Chuck's eyes she could see so much compassion it was making her head spin.

"I love you Blair," Chuck whispered. As he looked directly into the eyes of the girl that he thought he had lost for forever.

"You know," Blair said, beginning the prop herself up, "I never thought that I would get to hear you say those words from you again and you can't know how good it is to hear you say them. And for the record, I love you too."

"In that case, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," Chuck grinned a happy smile and Blair giggled playfully, "Are you tired of them yet?"

"No, never" Blair said, suddenly serious again. "Chuck, I will never be tired of hearing you say those three words to me."

"You don't have to worry then Blair," Chuck said, serious now as well. "I'm never going to stop. Never again am I ever going to let you get away from me. No matter what. Blair, I feel like I should say again how sorry I am for how I've been acting. You were trying to protect me and I was treating you like total shit. Especially what happened tonight. I was a jerk."

"Chuck please don't apologize anymore. Yeah it hurt, but I didn't care what anyone else thought about us to begin with us. I was just worried about Marcus but when I'm with you I don't worry about anything."

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry. I didn't mean the things that I was saying, I just wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me." With that Chuck pulled her to him and held her.

After sometime, Blair spoke, "I can't believe we leave the Hamptons tomorrow, this summer has been one of the worst, and best," at best she looked at Chuck, "of my life. But school starts back next Monday."

"I know" Chuck said as he kissed her forehead. "But things will be easier. You have me now, and I am going to protect you. Plus, Marcus won't be living in the same house as you anymore, he will have to work times in to see you. While I will see you every day at school and be with you anytime he isn't. There will be more ways for us to sneak around." Chuck was trying every way he knew how to reassure her.

"Yeah, but going back to school means we only have a little over two months left to fix this." Blair didn't even realize what she had said until she felt Chuck freeze up.

"Four months" Chuck said in an alarmed voice, "What happened to the May wedding?" Chuck asked as he abruptly sat up.

Blair looked down. She had forgotten that he didn't know. "I asked Marcus to move up the wedding." Chuck looked confused, "I . . .it . . . This, us, not being with you was just too hard. I thought it would be easier on both of us if I got out faster. The wedding is the day before my birthday and we are leaving the next day."

Chuck's mind started racing. Blair's birthday, he only had until November 17th to stop Marcus, he thought that he had more time. Much more time. This was going to be difficult. Then he looked at Blair, "Wait, do you remember what happened last November 16?"

Blair was confused, Chuck's mood had changed so much in the past five minutes, serious, happy, somber, determined, confused, thoughtful, and now he seemed excited again. What would he be excited about in their situation.

He could tell Blair wasn't going to figure it out so he answered for her. "A limo pulled up at my club right at 12 on November 16 and I opened the door to find you when I was expecting Nate."

As soon as Chuck said that, Blair's eyes widened. OMG that was the night she had lost her virginity. To Chuck.

When Blair's face broke into a huge smile, he knew that he had finally done something right tonight. That was going to be his goal he decided. He didn't want Blair to think about that crap with Marcus, he was going to take her away from all of that every chance he got. She had been bearing that burden for too long, she should have never been dealing with it at all. Especially by herself. Chuck was going to take care of it. He was going to take care of her. If only he had a plan.

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"Nate, I need to talk to you." Serena said once she finally found him. Nate was dancing with some older woman and normally Serena had the good graces not to interrupt but it was important. She had to tell Nate how she felt.

"Sure Serena, wait just one moment while I finish my dance with my grandmother." As the song finished up he turned toward Serena. "Serena meet my grandmother, Gloria Vanderbilt. Grandmamma this is Serena Van der Woodsen, my date tonight."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Vanderbilt." Serena said taking the woman's hand a quickly exchanging niceties before dragging Nate away.

"Serena, what's wrong with you tonight? You've been all over the place." Nate said smiling. He didn't know what it was about Serena but this last month with her had been so amazing. She made him laugh. He was never this happy around anyone else. Overall he was just so glad that she had asked him to pretend to be her boyfriend because he knew now that it would have been a huge mistake to have gone after Vanessa. Vanessa was just a phase, something different, Serena was the one, other than Blair, Serena was the only girl that he had ever seen a future with. He had been meaning to tell her all night that he wanted to make the relationship real but he hadn't had the chance.

"Well, it's just all of this crazy drama with Blair and Chuck and Marcus, and Blair being engaged and not wanting to be and Chuck loves her and she loves Chuck and well it's just been a hectic couple of days." Serena was out of breath by the time she had finished and she still hadn't told Nate what she needed to say. She had made a mistake asking Nate to pretend to be her boyfriend. It hadn't helped her get Dan back, if anything it had pushed him further away. Sure this past month with Nate had been fun but they were just friends and helping Chuck and Blair tonight had made her realize that no matter what you should be with the one you love. Sure she loved Nate but not that way. Plus, Dan was here tonight, with some girl who wasn't Vanessa and she couldn't help but feel that this was her chance.

"Wow, you have been busy tonight" Nate said taking her hand. "So what is it you wanted so much to talk to me about, because when you're done, I've got something to tell you too."

"I just wanted to say that well I realized tonight in helping Chuck and Blair that being with the one you love is important" Serena said looking up at Nate's face. He looked so understanding.

"Of course it is Serena. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about too." Nate couldn't help but think that maybe Serena felt the same way about him that he felt about her. She had realized how right this way too.

"I'm glad you feel that way because well I think what we did, pretending to be a couple was well it was wrong."

Wait, had she just said that pretending to be a couple was wrong. That wasn't how he felt at all. "Really because well I kind of felt like maybe it was right. That maybe us being together is what was meant to be all along." Nate said genuinely shocked.

"Nate" Serena said almost pleadingly. "You know that I'm in love with Dan and we would never work. Not really."

"It seemed to me like we were working just fine Serena. I think I'm in love with you." Nate exhaled. He had been holding that in for a long time and regardless of what Serena was going to do he needed to say it.

"I'm sorry, Nate. I feel like we are back where we were this time a year ago and I'm sorry. I should have never asked what I did of you and right now I really need to go find Dan." Serena excused herself and hurried off.

"Serena," Nate called after her. "Serena . . .wait" But she wasn't listening. That hadn't gone as planned. That hadn't gone as he intended at all. He was angry. Nate downed his drink before returning to the bar and downing a couple more. Maybe Chuck was right, maybe women were all bad. Why try to find love when it was always biting you in the ass. At that point he grabbed a young blonde walking by and pulled her into a kiss and when she responded he led her up to one of the upstairs rooms. He was drunk and didn't even look at her face, that was Chuck's philosophy after all.

____________________________________________________________________________________

"Dan," Serena yelled across the room. "DAN, wait a minute," Serena was desperate. She had to tell him how she felt.

"Serena?" Dan asked finally turning around and finding her in the crowd. He dismissed the girl he was with, he had just used her to get into the party, he was really only here to keep an eye on Jenny. He was surprised that Serena was talking to him. They hadn't spoken more than cordial hellos since that day on the beach and he thought that she and Nate were together. But here she was, alone, looking for him. "What's going on?"

"Dan," Serena said, out of breath for the third time this evening. "I have to tell you something and you probably aren't going to like what I say at first but I think that maybe you will once we talk. I mean at least I have to try."

"Okay," Dan said a little confused. "Go ahead."

"Nate and I were never together. We were pretending because I had heard that you and Vanessa were together and I wanted you to be happy but I didn't want to be alone. So we've been pretending, but I heard that you and Vanessa broke up and I thought that I should tell you that I can't get over you and well, I'm still in love with you." Serena said about a mile a minute before looking down. She thought Dan would probably yell, or walk away, what she didn't expect was what he actually did do.

Dan couldn't help it, he laughed. He laughed so hard that he almost fell over.

"Dan, I don't appreciate being laughed at." Serena said a little distraught.

Dan held up his hand to signal her to stop and struggled to speak. "No . . . It's just . . . So funny. You see, Vanessa and I, we were pretending because we thought that you and Nate were together that day on the beach. I told Vanessa today that we had to stop letting people think we were together and she went back to New York with some artsy guy she met at the beach. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I can't get over you either." Dan said, softening his voice and moving closer to Serena.

At this Serena's face broke into a huge smile and she flung her arms around Dan's neck hugging him tightly. Before he pulled her back and kissed her.

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When she was grabbed by a nearby guy, her first thought was to struggle, then he kissed her and it was kind of amazing and his taste was strangely familiar. At that point she realized that she was kissing Nate Archibald and it was incredible. So when he started pulling her upstairs she didn't resist. She couldn't help but think that maybe Nate could finally see her as a woman and not just a kid. When they ended up in bed, she simply didn't question things, she was too into the moment. Jenny had no idea until the next morning that Nate didn't even realize it was her.

**Looks like tonight is a night for make ups and subsequent hookups, can't help but wonder what's controlling these Upper East Sidders this lovely evening. Normally they are so ettiquete oriented but it seems that they have let their ids take total control. Which always makes for some great gossip. :) But some of them should be more careful, like Little J, always take precautions when getting involved or didn't you learn from B last spring.**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**AN: Sorry guys I know it wasn't as much Chuck and Blair as usually but I have to get the rest of the story back and running so that I can integrate all of it later. Hugs and Kisses, and as always please review :)**


	13. Walking the Walk, of Shame That Is

**Fast update but it's a short one guys, I just need to get this filler type chapter up to continue with the story.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

Nate opened his eyes and immediately shut them. Damn that sun was bright. It immediately gave him a pounding headache. How much had he had to drink last night and where the fuck was he? He could feel something soft kind of like a pillow next to his side and these sheets were definitely not his. Learning from his mistake this time he only opened his eyes to a squint so that he could look around. This was when he noticed that the soft thing against his side wasn't a pillow after but a girl. Her blonde mess of hair was spread over his arm and she was curled against him breathing deeply. He slowly lifted the covers and sure enough they were both naked.

_Shit _

The night suddenly came back to him full force. Serena running off to find Dan after he confessed his feelings, _again_, him downing the glasses of Bourbon and vowing to be like Chuck when it came to women, and finally grabbing the blonde who he assumed was now laying against him and bringing her upstairs where they had spent the night. If he remembered correctly she had been a virgin and Nate was fairly certain he hadn't looked at her face once. Either that or he was too drunk to remember. Chuck would be so proud. Nate thought cynically.

At that point, the soundly sleeping girl started to awaken and rolled over onto Nate and which point he realized that the girl with no face was none other than Jenny Humphrey.

_Shit_

What the hell had he done? She undoubtedly had to have known who he was when they, oh my god, he had popped Jenny Humphrey's cherry. Dan was going to murder him if he ever found out.

_Shit_

That was when Jenny opened her eyes and smiled up at him. Nate gave her a kind of half smile back before she said "Good morning."

Nate didn't know what to say. How was he suppose to tell her that he didn't even know it was her when the Jenny Humphrey he knew had definitely wanted her first to be special. "Good morning."

"So last night, was, well it was amazing." Jenny said softly. It was like every girl's dream come true. Having her first time be with a guy that she had been crushing on for well for forever.

"Jenny," Nate started, "there's something that I need to tell you." He really didn't want to do this, but well, he felt like he had just had sex with his little sister.

"Okay go ahead" Jenny said, sounding so trusting.

"Last night, I was drunk and I was hurting." As he spoke he saw the glow fade from Jenny's face and the smile start to falter. "I'm sorry, last night was a mistake."

Jenny was already crying. This wasn't what was suppose to happen. Nate was suppose to tell her that he had always wanted her and that last night was as special for him as it was for her. And now she couldn't even get words out. He thought that she was a mistake.

"Jenny, I'm sorry. It's just you're like my sister and Serena and I had just had a fight and I well I didn't know that it was you until this morning." Nate said trying to be apologetic.

By this time Jenny was sitting up with the sheet wrapped around her. "Nate Archibald, you are a jerk." She said before slapping him across the face and jumping out of the bed. Still crying, she angrily grabbed her clothes and pulled them on before running from the room.

Nate felt bad, he really did, for doing that to Jenny. She didn't deserve to be treated like that. But, he couldn't help but think that it was fun. Not worrying about other people's feelings for a change and that was when he decided that he wasn't going to think about Jenny Humphrey anymore. No, he was going to call for room service and request a waitress to bring it up that he had spotted eying him last night. This new lifestyle was going to be fun once he got use to it.

**Spotted: Little J flying out of a hotel suite with tears streaming down her face and last night's dress. Your first walk of shame is suppose to be memorable and I have a feeling that this is a moment that she will never forget. Now if only we knew who her mystery guy was. When I know, you'll know.**

**Xoxo**

**Gossip Girl **

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

Shit

That was Blair Waldorf's first thought when she woke up still in the arms of Chuck Bass. How had that happened, she wasn't suppose to fall back asleep. Marcus was going to be angry. So Blair quickly shook Chuck awake. "Chuck . . . Chuck . . . CHUCK WAKE UP!"

When he was finally drug out of sleep by Blair, Chuck instantly freaked. How had this happened. He was already falling behind on taking care of Blair. Marcus wasn't going to be happy about this. Chuck held up a finger to Blair, signaling one minute and he found his cell phone in his discarded pants.

Blair was curious, who was Chuck calling. "Hello, yes, is this Laura Anderson?" Her mother's assistant, why was Chuck calling her? "Good, Ms. Anderson, oh okay Laura, yes this is Chuck Bass. I was wondering if you could maybe do me a favor." Blair raised her eyebrows at Chuck who smirked in return. "I need you to call Lily Bass and tell her that Eleanor Waldorf asked you to call and let her know that Blair dropped by last night and fell asleep there and that you just didn't want her to be worried. Yes, thank you so much. Goodbye." Blair was always amazing by Chuck's devious mind. Of course Lily would inform the whole house of where Blair was. It was perfect. "Chuck Bass, you are a genius."

"Well, I bought you some time, but you still need to hurry, you know how impatient Marcus can be and you have that brunch with Serena. But please try to be safe Blair." Chuck said helping her get up and get dressed.

"Okay, well, I love you Chuck." Blair said right before leaving.

"I love you too Waldorf." Chuck said with a sad smile.

Blair heard the elevator ding down the hallway and decided that she probably should hurry and try to catch it, if only so no one saw her doing the walk of shame.

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

Serena rolled over to find Dan smiling down at her. She couldn't believe they had fixed things. It was all so surreal. They had felt the same about well about everything and they had talked for hours before they made love. It was incredible, better than before because they had no more secrets.

Dan couldn't believe what had just happened with Serena. They were together again and he just knew that they were going to be better than ever. They knew what they were doing this time.

"Mmmmm, as much as I've enjoyed this Dan, I have to go. I am suppose to meet Blair for brunch and I have a feeling I'm already late." Serena reluctantly got out of bed and dressed, much to Dan's displeasure. "We'll do dinner tonight before heading back to the city. I promise."

"Okay, I'll see you then," Dan said before starting to get ready himself. He needed to head back and pack anyway. As Serena was walking out the door, Dan yelled, "Hey Serena, I love you."

Serena smiled a huge smile before saying, "I love you too Dan."

As Serena was walking down the hallway she saw and girl run past her into the elevator. Serena chased after her because she was fairly certain that it was Jenny Humphrey and she looked really upset. Serena just caught the elevator in time. "Jenny? What's wrong?"

Jenny looked up at Serena, oh just great, Serena of all people was going to see her like this, the only person worse would have been Blair Waldorf.

As if on cue, Blair Waldorf slid into the elevator. At which point Serena immediately pressed the emergency stop button. "Whoa, wait, are we all doing the walk of shame here? Because I definitely recognize all of these clothes from last night." Blair blushed and Jenny who was still crying looked away.

That was when Blair noticed Jenny's tears. There was no love lost between her and the Little Humphrey but the tears scared her for some reason. "Hey, J, what's wrong?"

Jenny snapped her head up. "Why do you want to know, so you can blog it to Gossip Girl."

Serena simply stood and watched. This was interesting, Blair seemed concerned.

"I probably deserved that but really Jenny what's wrong, please you look awful."

"There's the Blair Waldorf I know," Jenny said actually cracking a smile. "It's just that, my first time, I thought it was amazing and special, then the guy tells me that he didn't even know it was me until this morning. He said that I was a mistake. It was horrific." Jenny said as the tears started flowing again.

At which point Blair did something totally out of character and reached over and pulled Jenny into a hug. "Hey, its okay. I thought that my first time was like that too until well until later."

"No way Blair, I'm sure that your first time was perfect," Jenny said.

"Actually, my first time was with Chuck Bass, in the back of the limo, right after Nate and I had broken up." Blair said with a surprising calmness.

"Whoa, really Blair? I mean I guess I just always assumed that Nate was your first too." Jenny didn't even realize what she had said until she saw it in Blair's eyes.

"Wait, too, Nate, Nate was the guy from last night?" Blair questioned.

Even Serena had been snapped out of her day dream at that.

_Shit_

Jenny looked down, Blair was going to be pissed at her. "Yeah" Jenny said meekly.

"OMG that son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him." Jenny was right, Blair was pissed but not at her, at Nate. "No guy has a right to treat a girl like that, none at all." Blair said matter-of-factly.

Both Jenny and Serena looked at each other. Serena was the one to speak though. "Who are you and what have you done with Blair Waldorf?"

"What," Blair said with a shrug. "I'm in love, so sue me."

"With the amazing Lord Marcus." Jenny said with an eyeroll.

At that, Blair's smile fell. "No, not with Lord Marcus. With Chuck."

Jenny was awestruck, had Blair just said what she thought she said?

Jenny didn't have to speak to let Blair know what she was thinking. "There are things with Lord Marcus, bad things and I'm doing things I don't want to do. But it's going to be okay now, Chuck is going to take care of it." Blair explained.

"Wow, I didn't see that one coming." Jenny said.

Suddenly, Serena, feeling the need to lighten the mood, squealed, "Dan and I are back together!"

It was Blair and Jenny's turn to look surprised, "Really?" they said simultaneously.

"Yes, last night, we realized that we were both in fake relationships and well that we wanted to be together." Serena was glowing, so was Blair (even if a little dimmer). Seeing their happiness Jenny realized that it wouldn't do any good moping over what had happened with Nate. She just needed to go out and find a Prince Charming of her own.

Jenny smiled a real smile for the first time since Nate had awakened and told the girls what she was thinking. They were supportive and after all three had fixed their makeup and exchanged clothes, (No one actually needed to know that they were doing the walk of shame, did they?), Serena pressed the emergency off button and the three girls exited the elevators with linked arms, heading to brunch.

**Well I certainly didn't see that one coming. B, S, and Little J, seen exiting a Hamptons Hotel with linked arms, looking glamorous as ever. How did three walks of shame turn into such total girly time? I have a feeling we may never know, because as they all say, what happens in the Hamptons, stays in the Hamptons; but it won't if I have anything to say about it, after all its time we head back into the city.**

**you know you love me, **

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**AN: I know, not a lot of action in this chapter, but I promise, it is needed for later plots. Love you guys :)**


	14. Welcome Back UES

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

**Good morning Upper East Side and may I just say it is good to be back in the city. As glamorous as the Hamptons are Dorothy was right, there really is no place like home and now that we are back it should be interesting to see all of the drama that is sure to come with our return. **

**I'll be the first to know, and you'll be the second.**

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

Blair was pulling a brush through her already perfectly fixed curls and looking in the mirror when her phone buzzed. Looks like Gossip Girl was welcoming them all back. Blair simply rolled her eyes and kept getting ready_. I guess it's fitting_, Blair thought to herself. Gossip Girl was the real Queen of the UES in a way, an uncontrollable force that everyone bowed to. Blair just shook her head and slid her headband in her chocolate curls.

Marcus was going to attend Yale this year before transferring back to Oxford. This alone made her release a sigh of complete relief. He had been mad the other day when she hadn't come home but not as much as she thought he would be. He had left this morning for New Haven and she was free for at least a week or so. She and Chuck were going to have all the time in the world, but they still had to be careful because of Gossip Girl. She knew Marcus well enough to know that he would be checking up on her through that particular outlet and of course she was still publically engaged to him, the huge rock on her finger was a reminder of that.

Blair glanced down at the clock and instantly freaked. She had to leave now in order to get to school early and stake out the steps. After today it wouldn't be a problem, but she didn't particularly want to deal with any little freshman who thought that they could sit just anywhere this morning. So Blair hurried downstairs and ran out onto the curb. That was when she saw a large black limo sitting right outside her home. Blair couldn't help but smile as she ran over and hopped in. She always walked to school in the mornings, it helped clear her head but that Chuck had gotten up this early said wonders.

"Good morning beautiful," Chuck said as soon as the door was closed. This was totally out of character for him. He didn't wake up this early, well ever, especially not to go to school but he wanted to spend every moment he could with Blair. After all, who knew when the next time they could be alone together would be.

Blair blushed. "Good morning. You didn't have to do this you know," Blair said about to pull her seat belt on. "I know how you like to sleep . . ."

But Blair didn't get to finish her sentence because Chuck had stopped the seatbelt and pulled her to him. He shut her up with a kiss. It was long and deep and they immediately melted together.

Chuck pulled back momentarily to say in a husky voice that told Blair that he was turned on. "I know, but what I don't know is how much time we will be able to have together so, if this is what I get I'll certainly . . . "

This time it was Blair who shut Chuck up with a kiss and as they neared the school she was the one who messaged up to the driver with the little intercom system to drive around for fifteen minutes. _Screw the steps, she could take care of any bitch who wanted to mess with her later, right now she had far more enjoyable things to be doing._

**Spotted: A black limo seen circling the school. Looks like C's but we all know he never gets to school this early in the morning if he even deigns to come at all. **

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Uh-oh Jenny thought to herself. Blair was not going to like this. Blair was not going to like this at all. Sitting in Blair's usual spot on the steps was Penelope one of Blair's minions surrounded by underclassmen. It looked like two from each grade and Hazel was at her side. Jenny approached cautiously, thinking that maybe she should say something. "Penelope, what are you doing?" Jenny said standing in front of her on the steps.

Penelope looked around at the other girls and giggled. "Why if it isn't the little klepto." Penelope said standing up. "Go away, you're not welcome here."

Jenny could see that Hazel was trying her best to be like Blair, but it didn't really have the same effect. "You don't get to tell me where I can and can't be and don't you think Blair is going to be a little angry when she sees that you have created a little group of followers and are sitting in her spot."

"Oh silly Little J, don't you see, before long, it's not going to matter what Queen B thinks anymore." Penny raised her eyebrows in a manor of challenge.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into." Jenny said getting in Penny's face.

"What's going on here?" Blair said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Her checks were a little red from exertion but she looked as perfect as ever and no one but Jenny noticed the black limo pulling away. Blair was looking back and forth between the two girls.

Penelope immediately backed down and gave Blair a hug. "B, its so good to see you, how was your summer? I hear you are engaged."

Blair looked to Penelope, "My summer was fabulous, but you have yet to explain to me what is going on here on the steps." Blair said pointedly.

"Well you see," Penny said glaring at Jenny, "I was just assembling a group of the potentials for this year. I figured that you would want a complete rundown on which girls were suitable. Then Humphrey came up and started trying to cause drama."

Jenny looked Blair in the eyes while Penelope was talking and with a slight shake of her head, let Blair know that Penelope was lying.

Blair was quick. It's how she got to be in the position that she was in the first place, and it didn't take her long to realize what was actually going on. So in her nicest voice possible she responded. "Penelope, that's so thoughtful of you. I mean really having all of these girls waiting for me on the first day of school, right at my spot on the steps. You know," at this point Blair's voice changed dramatically, "if you weren't such a backstabbing bitch maybe I would believe you."

Penelope was immediately taken aback. She thought that Blair had believed her.

Blair moved in closer. "You know, if you weren't such an ugly hag maybe people might actually want you to be Queen of the UES. I mean really you should find a better plastic surgeon to fix that botched nose job. Then maybe you wouldn't have to try to assemble a court out of my cast offs. No offense to some of you girls," Blair said directing her attention to the group of underclassmen, then back to Penny, "but we vetted Kayla Dawson last year, did you really think I wouldn't realize that with your lame excuse?"

Penelope was speechless, this wasn't suppose to happen, Blair wasn't suppose to find out until it was too late. "You bitch!" Penelope screamed suddenly lashing out at Jenny, "You need to learn to mind your own business."

At which point Blair interjected. "And you need to learn to stop harassing my friends." At which point she said, "You're dismissed Penelope, you too Hazel. And unless you want the whole school knowing about that night with the St. Jude's polo team you should probably stay low, or you know transfer." Blair turned away from the two seniors and to the underclassmen. "As for the rest of you. Any of you who would like to stay and sit with us this morning is more than welcome. But you've been forewarned with what happens if you cross me or do something unsuitable. I won't hold it against you if you leave now."

But none of the girls left, they were in awe of the girl that was Blair Waldorf and couldn't help but want to be just like her.

**Showdown this morning on the steps of the Met. Looks like Queen B asserted her authority over all of Constance once more and knocked H and P down to the bottom of the social later faster than they could say Prada. Something curious though, it seems that B may be priming Little J to take her spot as Queen when she has to leave us and from what I can tell J might just be able to handle it. Don't we all just love the first day of school.**

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

_That's my girl. _Chuck watched from the wall of the school as Blair verbally and socially destroyed two of her former friends. That was the Blair that he knew and loved. The Blair that was strong and confidant and took charge of situations. It was good to see her in her element again. It killed him that he couldn't be up there with her. Congratulating her on her victory over those little underlings. But he would congratulate her later, in private, where they didn't have to pretend that they hated each other.

As class was about to begin, Blair walked passed Chuck and they exchanged glares that anyone who didn't know better would think were glares of hatred. Intense hatred that is, because they were filled with so much passion. But to them, they were lustful glares that meant that they would meet up right after classes ended.

Nate saw Penelope crying over against the back wall of the school right after classes should have started. He had read Gossip Girl's post and he knew that Penelope had always had a thing for him. She was kind of hot and he was kind of horny. So he approached her. "Hey there." He said offering her a silk handkerchief.

Her eyes were wide as she reached out and took it. "Thank you."

"You're too pretty to be crying," Nate said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and when she didn't stop him he leaned down and kissed her.

Later that day, Nate couldn't help but think that that had been entirely too easy. Easy women had been great all weekend but he was starting to think that he needed a challenge.

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**Spotted: P hooking up with an unidentified mystery man behind the school. What a slut? If you are wondering who the guy is you're not alone, so I've decided to propose a challenge. The first person to text me with the name of the boy and proof will get a present from yours truly and trust me this is a prize worth winning.**

**xoxo **

**Gossip Girl**

Dan and Serena walked through the courtyard into school after lunch and surprisingly no one even glanced their way. Serena was surprised, she had thought that them getting back together would have been much bigger news. That was when she noticed the next text from Gossip Girl. She had announced the prize for her challenge that she issued this morning. A prize that she didn't think anyone would be able to resist.

**So here it is UES Prince and Princesses. The prize I spoke of earlier is only one word long, but it could make or break your social life here at Constance and St. Judes. Immunity. That's right I said it. I am going to give the winner of my little challenge immunity. In other words, I won't post anything incriminating about that person on my site and there is a second part to this little prize. The person will not only receive immunity but veto power. All of my Gossip Girl posts will be filtered through them for the remainder of the year. Have fun playing kiddies, because the contest ends at midnight tonight. You have twelve hours. Oh and I should probably mention P, you can't play because I can't believe that you are telling the truth about your own dirty little secret.**

**xoxo **

**Gossip Girl**


	15. The Challenge

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

Nate looked down at his phone and laughed. Was Gossip Girl bored or what? This was so unlike her to do something like this. She was so curious to find out who Penelope was kissing that she offered that big of a prize. He had a feeling that this might be annoying. With a prize this good everyone was going to be trying to figure out who was hooking up behind the school which meant that people would probably figure it out and start looking for him. But so what if they did, it wasn't like he had any loyalties anymore.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Chuck and Blair found each other immediately. Both of them knew how important this was and they didn't even have to communicate in order to know to go to Chuck's place near the front wall. Blair didn't even care that she was missing class. This was quite possibly the biggest break that they had had all summer. If one of them could figure this out AND find proof, then they were safe from Marcus. Unless Marcus was home from Yale and could physically see them, he wouldn't know if they were together. They would be able to control Gossip Girl.

Chuck and Blair didn't say much at all when they found each other. A few silent nods was enough to know that they were on the same page. "Who?" Blair asked. This shouldn't be too difficult. Between the two of them they knew the ins and outs of the entire school.

"Andy St. Clair" Chuck suggested.

"No, remember he is a part of that Pure Teens group." Blair pointed out.

Chuck made a face. How could someone be a part of something so very wrong. Being a teenager was about having those experiences not stifling their manhood.

"I think it could be Landon Madison. Penelope was always impressed that he is one of James Madison's decedents." Blair suggested.

"No, he's in my first period and he was definitely in class this morning but Mike Dominic wasn't." Chuck replied in his very definitive way.

"No" Blair shook her head.

"Why?"

"Penelope thinks he has bad breathe."

"Okay. James Beckland."

"Ha, no." Blair said with a smirk and a giggle all in one.

"Why this time Waldorf?" Chuck said a little annoyed.

"Beckland is injured down there." Blair replied. "His doesn't properly operate right now."

"And you know this how?" Chuck said, turning until his side was against the wall instead of his back so that he could properly see her. He was more than a little jealous, he couldn't help it.

"Hazel tried to hook up with him this summer apparently." Blair said with a wave of her hand as a dismissal of the topic. She normally would have teased Chuck with the fact that he was obviously jealous but they were against the clock in this one. "Well if it's no one from either of our first periods who else could it be?"

"How about someone from the swim team, we haven't named any of them?" Chuck suggested. He was glad Blair didn't know about James from experience. Beckland was an alright guy and Chuck didn't want to have to kill him.

Blair rolled her eyes, "Chuck, they are at the Olympic Games remember. The whole team went to see Dawson swim. But what about someone inside the circle, maybe Carter Braizen."

"Can't be," Chuck answered. "Carter doesn't have this year's St. Jude's blazer and that is what the guy in the picture is wearing."

"Oh. So that eliminates all the alums. But speaking of what the guy was wearing," Blair said her eyes suddenly lighting up. Chuck knew that she had noticed something important. " Chuck, it's someone on the Lacrosse team." Blair reasoned. She was excited now.

"May I again ask why?" Chuck said now interested but still a little skeptical.

"Because the shoes, Chuck. Nate has the same one's, you know the one's he wears like everyday to get out of wearing loafers, but I mean the whole Lacrosse team has them."

"Wait a second" Chuck paused, no way could his newest suspicion be right. It wasn't possible, . . . was it? "It could be Nate." Chuck said, his mind working through the possibility and it becoming more and more probable in his head.

"Psh, no way." Blair said, not even considering the possibility. "This is Nate we are talking about, not you Chuck."

Chuck faked being injured. Grasping his hand over his heart like he had been stabbed. "Blair, I'm hurt." But then Chuck was serious again. "No but think about it, really. Was Nate wearing his Lacrosse sneakers today?"

Blair thought for a minute."Yeah, I think so, yeah he was." Blair concluded. After a moment more she added. "And there's no practice today because the coach wife is sick," Blair said as Andy St. Clair passed them in loafers.

"BINGO." Chuck said. With more than a smirk on his face, it was a smile, a big one.

"Nate's in Calculus." Blair replied with a smirk as she started flouncing her way up to the school.

"Wait, it's the first day of school and you know Nate's schedule." Chuck was yet again noticeably upset.

"Chill out Chuck, I made it last spring when he and I were together. Did you actually think I still followed him around or something?" Blair smirked turning back at him as she paused on her way into the building.

"Well, you know, I'm still getting use to this, okay Blair." Chuck responded suddenly serious. "You've never been my girlfriend before, hell nobody has, and I'm still not totally use to the fact that you are with me and not him."

Blair's smile faded just a little before she stepped up facing him and leaned in until her mouth was right at his ear. Where she said in a husky voice that she knew would calm Chuck's insecurities. "The only guy I want to follow around is you." Before quickly turning and heading into the school.

Chuck was breathing heavily. Damn she turned him on. He quickly followed her into the building though because as much as he wanted to grab her and call the limo, this right now was more important.

____________________________________________________________________________________

A challenge. Nate was bored. He had had every woman he wanted all weekend long and it was starting to get old. They all just swooned for him. So now he wanted a challenge no right now he needed a challenge and it just so happened that Nate Archibald knew exactly where to find one. Jenny Humphrey wouldn't want to give him the time of day now because of how he treated her so he decided to skip calculus and go find her.

He knew that she would be in the library. It was her study hall and she had her only little nook all the way in the back behind the stacks. When he approached, Jenny was deeply engrossed in some sort of art project. It looked like she was filming herself with one hand while sketching with the other. . So he walked up behind her and bent down next to her ear before saying in a low voice. "Hey Jen."

Jenny jumped almost right out of the seat and her camera fell to the floor. Her first instinct was to smack the person who had scared her but since she was too frightened to actually have noticed the voice she decided to turn her head and find out. When she realized that it was Nate who had scared her, she wished she had gone with her first instinct and smacked him.

"Whoa Jen, don't be scared it's just me." Nate said stroking her shoulder.

Jenny jumped up. "Don't touch me Nate."

Nate stepped towards her with his hands up in a surrender of sorts. "Hold up, Jen, I'm not going to hurt you I would never hurt you." He was excited, this was fun, like a game of cat and mouse.

"Bullshit Nate, you already did. I let you have part of me and you . . . You threw it away. So I'm asking you to leave me alone." What was he thinking. After the way that he had treated her this past weekend. No way was she going to just let him push her around. But she was close to tears and really didn't want him to see her cry. Last semester she wouldn't have minded, in fact Nate use to be the person that she went to when she couldn't handle everything else that was going on in her life. He centered her and now he had turned into some kind of jerk. In fact he reminded her a lot of the old Chuck Bass. But soon enough the tears were spilling over and she just wanted her Nate back.

"Jen, don't be like that. This weekend, I was drunk and messed up over Serena." Nate tried his best to look apologetic. He thought that he almost saw her crack, she looked almost ready to forgive him, he could tell that she wanted to.

"Come on Jen, I'm sorry." Nate said in a low voice as he slowly moved closer and wrapped his arms around her.

Jenny didn't know what she was doing, why was she letting him hold her. She was suppose to hate him but she couldn't help it. She wanted the safety and security that Nate use to symbolize for her. So she let him hold her and comfort her. She let him make her forget that he was the reason that she was upset in the first place.

Nate just held her for a minute. This had almost been too easy. He wanted a little more of a challenge so he decided to push her. To see how far she would go before snapping. So he tightened the hug a little and began moving his hands up and down her back. Her head was tucked into his chest and he bent his own done and started kissing her neck .

It took Jenny a minute to respond. What was Nate doing? But when she felt his mouth on her neck she tried to pull away. "Quit it Nate."

He didn't let her get away. He was still testing her limits. "Come on Jen, haven't you heard what happens in the stacks of the library. It's like the mile high club but for Constance and St. Jude's. " Nate said continuing to kiss her neck and letting his hands roam.

It felt good, to be doing this. Nate had the ability to make her feel things no other boy had even come close to. He was her first and only and this felt so good. His kisses so totally perfect, that she let him.

Nate was kissing her full force by now, then he ran his hands down to her thighs. She had on a short skirt and he let his hands go up it. He grabbed her thighs and lifted her, until she was straddling him. His hands were supporting her thighs as he continued to kiss her ferociously.

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Chuck pulled Blair out of Mr. Croaton's Calculus Class. She was going off on the teacher even as he pulled her into the hallway, shutting the door as he went. "What do you mean he's not in here? It's the first day of school and you are already tolerating skipping. What kind of teacher are you?" Blair scolded.

Chuck shut her up by pushing her against the wall and kissing her. Once she was subdued he pulled back. "Quite the tiger aren't you." Chuck smirked.

Blair hit his shoulder before maneuvering away. "We can't do that in public yet Chuck. Someone could see."

The reality of what she said hit him and he was back to business. "So any other guesses as to where our fallen Prince Charming might be."

"No," Blair replied, "but I do need to go give something to Jenny, you could come with me if you want, she's in the Library." Blair said in her sweet innocent voice.

"You don't even have to ask B, if you're there, I want to be there too." Chuck said completely serious. He kissed her hand before they walked on towards the library.

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When Nate nibbled on her bottom lip, Jenny suddenly flashed back to the other night, when she had lost her virginity to a guy that she thought she just might love and woken up to insensitive jerk. Something snapped in her, and Jenny started struggling. Kicking her legs and trying to pull away from Nate.

As Jenny started to fight, Nate couldn't help but think, that was his girl, he had wondered where the real Jenny had gone and who this girl was letting him take advantage of her in the library of all places. But he was turned on now and more than a little angry that she had let him get this far only to start resisting now. Girls were confusing. So he didn't automatically let her go.

Jenny was angry now, at Nate for doing this again, and at herself for letting herself be put in this situation. She finally managing to get her legs back on the ground and pushed Nate away. "God, Nate, you are just like Chuck use to be. What happened to you?"

"You know Jen, maybe I want to be that way. Maybe I'm tired of being boyfriend material. Maybe it's my turn to sleep around with maids, pop underclassmen's cherries, and fuck bitches like Penelope behind the school. Maybe I don't want to be nice anymore." Nate said in a low harsh voice.

Jenny gasped, Nate was the guy, behind the school with Penelope. That was just gross and no matter how good that had just felt she couldn't go there again. Who knew how many girls he had been with in this weekend alone. But she could tell, something was broken in Nate right now and there was nothing that she could do to fix it. So she glared at Nate before she walked over to her bag and started throwing stuff in it. Which is exactly what she was doing when Nate grabbed her from behind.

"Jenny, stay. I'm not done yet." Nate said in the same dangerous voice.

At which point, Blair came running around the corner, hearing the noise from a few stacks back. "Get your hands off of her Nate."

Chuck stepped out as well and simply walked over to Nate and grabbed his arm. "Come on man, lets go. You don't want to go there."

Nate let Chuck lead him away, but not without a lingering look back at a disheveled Jenny. He couldn't help but think that she looked hot standing there with messed up hair and lips red from kissing. He somehow wanted her more now than ever. Was this what it was like for Chuck with Blair. Did he want her because he wasn't suppose to have her, is that what led to his obsession? Nate didn't know and he wasn't entirely sure that he cared.

As Nate and Chuck left the library, Blair helped fix up Jenny's appearance. Before putting the rest of the things in her bag. "Come on J, lets go shopping at Barney's." Blair said locking her arm in Jenny's and smiling over at her completely forgetting the contest. Friends were more important.

Jenny looked at Blair and returned the smile. What neither girl realized was the blinking red camera light flashing from inside the bag.

**Tsk tsk my little socialites, I was expecting a better effort on your part. It's been three hours and I haven't even had a single suggestion for who our mystery man is. I'm so disappointed in all of you that I'm modifying your prize. The immunity still stands but only in the sense that you have veto power. The veto power was originally unlimited, I was feeling so generous two hours ago, but now it's down to two a day which is a weekly total of fourteen. For every hour that you don't figure it out the prize is going to decrease by two vetoes per week. So get on it UES the clock is ticking.**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

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**AN: please review :) **


	16. Confessions of an Upper East Side Teen

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

Dan watched from his and Serena's usual table in the courtyard as Blair and Jenny walked out of the library that separated the two schools with their arms linked. He didn't understand. He thought that Jenny was over trying to be friends with Blair Waldorf. Blair was a bitch and when Jenny was around her she became a person that Dan didn't like very much. Dan was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice Serena come up, until she wrapped her arms around him.

"What's on your mind Dan?" Serena asked as she stepped around in front of him.

How did he get so lucky, Dan thought. Serena was easily the most beautiful girl he had ever seen yet she picked him, twice. He didn't want to upset her by talking badly about Blair though. Blair was her best friend and she was protective of her to say the least. "Don't get mad okay."

Serena looked at Dan, something was bothering him, so she nodded to signify her compliance and Dan gestured with his head towards the curb.

When Serena turned around, she saw Blair and Jenny getting into a cab. Oh, that's what was bothering Dan. She turned back around to face Dan. She couldn't very well tell Dan how Blair and Jenny had gotten to be friends without telling Dan about Jenny and Nate in the Hamptons and she didn't want to do that to Jenny. "Don't worry about those two Dan." Serena said, trying to be reassuring.

"How can I not worry after what happened last time?" Dan said remembering the way Jenny had acted last spring. He hadn't liked his little sister very much back then and he didn't want his sister acting that way. She was better than that. "That girl, the girl Jenny turned into wasn't a good person and I don't want that happening again. Not to mention the fact that Blair doesn't care one bit about Jenny, she just wants another little minion to order around."

"Dan, I'll admit that Jenny went a little overboard last year but you have to trust that she knows what she's doing. And about Blair, Blair's different now. She isn't the same person she was a year ago either and I really think that she considers Jenny a friend." By the incredulous look on Dan's face, she could tell that he didn't believe for a second that Blair had changed. "Dan I swear, I've seen it myself, Blair is more mature and I have seen her with Jenny. She doesn't treat her like she did last year, she doesn't treat her like she does those other 'friends' of hers either, Blair treats Jenny like a friend, like she treats me."

"I still don't like it." Dan said with a grumpy but subdued expression.

"You don't have to like it Dan, you just have to deal with it." Serena said matter-of-factly. "Jenny's growing up, she's almost sixteen and you can't keep interfering in her life. I know you love her but at some point, you have to let her grow up on her own."

"I know" Dan said. "I just want what's best for her and I want to see her grow up to be a person that I can respect, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But that goes back to you having to trust her to make good decisions and as much as I know you aren't going to like this, you have to trust Blair." Serena reached over and laced her fingers through Dan's hand before tugging him to his feet. "Come on, lets go to the café, I want coffee."

Dan smiled as Serena drug him to a cab. As much as he hated to admit it Serena was right. He had to let Jenny make her own choices and just hope that they were the right ones.

**Tick tock Upper East Siders, the clock has struck four and you down to only twelve a week. At eight tonight when you are down to only four it will be only minus one every hour but by then it's not as much of a prize anyway is it?**

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Chuck took a long hit before sitting down on the bench next to Nate. Nate was glaring a little, but the pot had mellowed him out a lot from before. Now the glare was more appraising. What had driven Chuck towards Blair? Was it what was driving him towards Jenny? That he couldn't have her, or was it something else, did he always have feelings for Blair? What was it about her that caused him to want her so badly that he would risk their friendship. Chuck had told him right before they left the Hamptons that he and Blair were together again and that they had to keep it a secret for reasons that they couldn't say. He had just shrugged and gone along with it. He hadn't even asked what had brought them back together, what kind of friend was he? He and Chuck had been friends for as long as either could remember but he realized now that he didn't really know that much about Chuck, yet he felt like Chuck knew everything about him. How had that happened? When did he stop knowing what was going on with his best friend? Had he ever known?

Nate looked like he was contemplating something serious. His expression wasn't blank and his eyes were alert even though he had been smoking. Chuck couldn't help but think that this didn't happen all that often with Nate. Nate was a little bit of an open book. Always doing or saying the first thing that popped into his head. He always shared what was going on in his life with Chuck and it was Chuck's job to sort through the mess and the drama and find the proper solution for Nate. It had been that way for as long as he could remember but right now, right now Chuck had no clue what was going through Nate's head. Since when did Nate sleep with random girls, especially ones that he at one time called friends like Jenny. Did Nate not feel like he could confide in him anymore? Had Nate tried and Chuck simply been too wrapped up in Blair? Their friendship had been so strong but right now he didn't feel as though he knew the person sitting next to him.

"When did we switch roles?" Chuck said at the same time Nate said "What drew you to Blair?"

Both boys laughed, they would start talking at the same time. "You first." Chuck said.

"Okay." Nate smiled. "What I was trying to ask, was what drew you to Blair, like what made you want to be with her more than once? You had never wanted that before, so why her? And don't worry this isn't about me wanting Blair back or anything, I was just wondering what changed you."

Chuck smiled a genuine smile as he said, "I honestly don't know. I can't even tell you how long I had felt that way about Blair. I might have been in love with her from the start, I mean as far back as when we were children she was the only girl that I was ever curious about. The other girls were all so available and there was absolutely no mystery to any of them. I mean, she was the only girl I ever respected enough not to try something with, not to mention the only girl who schemes as much as I do. But for oh I don't know ninety percent of our lives, she was your girlfriend. And I really don't know that it was one thing, more one hundred things that made me want her."

Nate had never heard Chuck be quite so forthcoming with him, it was different, and Nate kind of liked knowing how Chuck thought. "Was one of those things, the fact that you weren't suppose to want her?" Nate questioned.

Chuck couldn't help but laugh. "That I couldn't have her, or maybe just that I shouldn't have her was the whole reason I chased her initially. Or at least that's what I told myself. You know me Nathaniel, it was always about the chase for me before Blair. But then with Blair, after I had had her, I still wanted her. That was so new to me. And maybe that too was partially because I shouldn't want her, she was your girl. When you wanted her back, I had this awful gut wrenching feeling that I would die if I lost her, and honestly I thought I was going to. When she went back to you it almost killed me. I was so angry at her for getting back with you that I said awful things to her but I don't think that I realized at that point that what I felt for Blair was love. Eventually, I did though, It was like I was drowning in all things Blair and I wasn't even with her. So I had to get her back, which I did. Then I got scared and pushed her as far away as I could and I think you know the rest." He had forgotten he was talking to Nate, but once he had started talking about how he felt about Blair, he just couldn't stop. When he looked over at Nate, his mouth was open as if he was in shock.

How could that have all happened without him knowing. Sure he had been preoccupied with other things, and at first Chuck hadn't talked to him about it for obvious reasons, then he had been so mad at Chuck that he wouldn't have listened but after that they had been okay, so why had they never talked about this? There weren't words for what he was thinking, all he could say was. "I didn't know."

"I know man, and I never blamed you for not knowing. I told you any of it before." Chuck was surprised but it felt good having someone to talk to. "So, what's on your mind Nathaniel, what's going on with you? I had said that it felt like we had switched roles recently me being the committed one, you going from girl to girl, what happened?"

Nate leaned his head back and sighed. "I thought that I wanted Vanessa and I was going to tell her until Serena told me that she and Dan were an actual couple. Serena wanted us to pretend to be together so that she didn't have to be alone so I agreed. Over the next month, I thought that I had fallen back in love with her, Serena that is, so I told her. But she told me exactly what she told me a year before. She didn't feel that way about me, she wanted Dan. So I made a decision to be more like you." Nate looked over at Chuck who couldn't help but interrupt.

"More like me?" Chuck had almost choked on the hit he was taking.

"Yes Chuck, I wanted to be the old you. I wanted to be able to not care about girls, to just sleep with whoever I want and not get involved. I started that experiment with some random girl at the last party in the Hamptons. I was drunk out of my mind and I had told myself that I didn't care who the girl was. Turns out it was Jenny." Nate let his head fall into his hands.

"I know, Blair told me." Chuck said quietly.

"Wait, Blair knows?" Nate said turning his head to face Chuck, who simply nodded. "That explains some of the cold looks I've gotten from her lately." Nate then continued with his story. "So then I started sleeping with every girl who would take me and I haven't been turned down yet. It got boring so quickly. Then I just wanted a challenge and Jenny well I knew that she would be a challenge, so I went for it with her. She didn't refuse until she lost control and then I just didn't want to stop. Damn it man, I just feel, I don't even know how to say it, I feel . . ."

"Lost" Chuck said filling in the blank. "You feel lost."

Nate studied his friend. "Yeah, that's it exactly, how did you . . .?"

"Know." Again Chuck filled in the blank. "I know because I've been there. Hell, I lived there for seventeen years of my life. It took finding Blair, to find myself. And as much as I hate that you are in that place I have to tell you that there's no easy way out of it. I spent my entire adolescence sleeping with every girl I met and I thought that that made me safe. Because I knew who I was, I knew that I was Chuck Bass and even though people despised me, I was okay with that. Then Blair happened and I wasn't okay with that anymore. She made me realize that I had been so wrong about everything that I thought I had been right about. It wasn't okay to just be that guy anymore. Somehow during that time I was even more lost. Lost between loving and hating Blair and loving and hating myself. It's hard, really hard but I'm not lost anymore, so it was all worth it."

Nate groaned, Chuck was getting a little sappy again. "Okay, okay, don't go all chick flick on me over there." Nate said.

Chuck smirked. "So now I have something to ask you" Nate motioned for him to go ahead. "Were you the guy with Penelope?"

Nate's expression told Chuck everything. He and Blair had been right but could he still do this. Could he be the person to throw Nate to the lions when he was clearly so lost. That would only cause him to slip further into this blackness that was starting to consume him. Chuck would know. So Chuck got out his phone and texted Blair.

**B**

**I'm still w/ N. It's bad. He's our guy but I can't rat him out to GG. 2 hard 2 explain in text. Palace bar 6.**

**C**

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Blair read Chuck's text message and felt her heart drop. Of course they couldn't tell on Nate with the whole Non-Judgmental Breakfast Club thing that they had going. What he did they did. She had just kind of been hoping that this had been their way out. After an afternoon shopping with Jenny and commenting on guys that she would look cute with, it just made her want to be able to be out in public with Chuck even more. Right now they were sitting at Fred's Café drinking coffee and eating sandwiches while they gossiped.

Jenny could tell by Blair's expression that the text she had just gotten had upset her. So she sat down her sandwich and tried to talk to her. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Blair tried to shake herself out of the melancholy mood that the text had just put her in. "Nothing that a little retail therapy can't fix." Blair said as she plastered a fake smile on her face.

Jenny wasn't fooled though. "After everything that I've told you over the past week and everything you have done for me, you have to know that you can talk to me. About anything at all. You need someone to be able to talk to B."

Blair couldn't help but give a little smile. Jenny Humphrey of all people was trying to comfort her. Well, she might as well go ahead and tell her. After all Blair had enough dirt on Jenny that she could destroy her all over again. But oddly enough, Blair trusted Jenny, quite possibly more than she even trusted Serena. "Okay." Blair replied before telling Jenny everything. "Well it started back when Nate and I were still together back at the beginning of last year, as you know he slept with Serena and the whole Masquerade thing but there was so much pressure from our parents and other people to be together so we were. Then you told me about the Masquerade ordeal and that night I asked Nate if he was in love with me. He didn't answer and I broke up with him. That was the night that I went to Victrola with Chuck. I had been drinking and Chuck dared me to get up on stage and strip. I did it because that was just the kind of mood I was in and latter that night when Chuck was driving me home in his limo, I lost my virginity." Blair paused to catch her breath.

"Wait, so you were serious about the whole losing it in a limo thing?" Blair nodded. "Wow, I mean that's incredibly romantic." Jenny said with a huge smile.

Blair was surprised. Of all of the words to describe what she and Chuck did in that limo, romantic was never one she would have thought of, but in all actuality it kind of fit. "I assumed that Chuck would treat me like any other girl and ignore me but he didn't. In fact he followed me around and on my birthday he bet that Nate wouldn't show. He was right and we ended up in bed together, again. But he also gave me my amazing Erikson Beamon necklace that night and treated me like a princess. After that we were pretty much always together. I was so happy, so free. Then Nate wanted me back and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be attracted to Chuck, I thought that I was suppose to be with Nate, and then Chuck screwed up. He manipulated me and I went running back to Nate. Chuck proceeded to blackmail me with our affair to keep me from being with Nate. I got together with Nate anyway then the whole pregnancy thing happened and Chuck blogged to Gossip Girl. He had wanted me to lose everyone so that I only had him left but then when that happened, he was so pissed at me for ruining his relationship with Nate that he said some awful things and I almost left for Italy. Everything else, I could have dealt with, but that was the one thing that made me just want to give up and leave. Chuck didn't want me anymore."

Jenny felt like she should say something. After all, at least part of that mess was her fault. "I'm sorry about all of that Blair. I mean I didn't know about everything that you were going through back then and I shouldn't have said anything."

"That's all water under the bridge now, don't worry about it." Blair said with a smile. "Serena convinced me to stay and you know the rest of that semester. Chuck and I got rid of Georgina together and then at the wedding he told me that he wanted me back. He was sorry for everything and wanted us to be together for real. I was in love but there was no way I was going to admit that to him. We were going to Tuscany together but Chuck bailed. That was hard, so hard. I didn't think I was going to make it through the summer. Then Serena convinced me to come to the Hamptons, so I came and brought Marcus. I couldn't show up to the Hamptons alone and so I used him to make Chuck jealous. Chuck saw right through it though. He called my bluff and promised me he was going to fight for me. He moved in to the Van der Bass house to be around me and proceeded to woe me all over again. He even wrote me a song about doing Whatever it Takes to get me back. He confessed all of his feelings and told me that he loves me and told me why he was so scared to be with me. It was magical."

"Then why are you and Marcus still together? I mean you're engaged Blair." Jenny questioned.

"Marcus videotaped me and Chuck together. Turns out he knew all along what was going on. As good as Chuck and I are at scheming, Marcus is better. He threatened to show the tape and I said that I didn't care. Chuck and I were committed and I had been planning on ending things with Marcus for good anyway. Then Marcus pulled out a file on Chuck. He's got a case, falsified evidence and everything against Chuck and if I don't go through with the marriage Marcus is going to have Chuck sent to jail."

At this Jenny's mouth had dropped open. She didn't know people actually did this kind of thing in real life. She thought that it was all in the movies.

"Yeah, so I broke Chuck's heart and tried to make him hate me. You were at the party, you say me and Chuck dance and fight. But Serena interfered again and figured things out. She told Chuck and he overheard me and Marcus. He vowed that we would fix this and so we have been trying ever since. We were hoping that we would be able to get the prize Gossip Girl was offering because then we could be together without being afraid that Gossip Girl would tip off Marcus. But there's no way that is going to happen."

Jenny suddenly realized that she knew what Gossip Girl wanted to know. "Yes there is B. It was Nate the guy was Nate, he told me so himself, today in the library." Jenny was excited. Maybe she could help Blair.

"I know. But Nate is still one of my best friends and I can't turn him into Gossip Girl." Blair said frowning.

Jenny realized then, that the text message had been confirming what Blair had probably already suspected, that the guy had been Nate. "I'm so sorry B."

"It's okay Jenny, this mess isn't your fault. I did this myself and now Chuck and I are dealing with the consequences. I need to go, I have to meet Chuck. Can I drop you off somewhere?"

"Yeah actually I kind of need to go by your mom's office, I have some stuff to finish up."

"Sure." Blair said as she stood up, leaving the tip for the waiter.

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"Sorry I'm late." Blair said, sitting down next to Chuck at the bar. It was six fifteen, she was almost never late but there had been some traffic.

Chuck stood up and gave her a hug. "Do you want to head upstairs. I don't want to be seen."

Blair got up and started heading towards the elevator before Chuck had even finished. Once they were both inside she said in a quiet voice. "I wish it wasn't Nate. If it was any other guy I could do it but Nate I can't do it to him."

"I know B," Chuck said lacing his fingers through hers and kissing her hand. "Nate's really lost right now. If this came out, I don't know what it would do to him."

"Don't worry, I get it. It's the whole Non-Judgey Breakfast Club thing. Lets just make do with the time we have. We are going to have to start finding ways to get around Marcus's ultimatum, we don't have time to worry about being seen in public so we will just have to be careful."

By this time they were in Chuck's room. He knew that they had a lot of work to do but tonight he just wanted to be with her and pretend like the rest of the world didn't matter. So he shut the blinds, locked the door, put out the do not disturb sign, and came back to Blair. Where he kissed her and pulled her onto the bed.

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Jenny was looking through her bag for one of her sketches when she saw the camera. Why on earth was it still blinking. OMG it was recording. It had been recording all along. That meant that Nate's confession was caught on tape. She opened the camera and rewound to the point in the library. There was a perfect view from the camera's position on the floor where she had dropped it when Nate scared her. Jenny quickly loaded the file onto her computer. Blair might not be able to turn in Nate, but she sure could and she had concrete evidence. A videotaped confession. Jenny opened her webmail where she sent an email to Gossip Girl.

**Gossip Girl,**

**I want to make a deal. I know who your mystery man is and I have proof but I don't want your prize. I want you word that you wont publish anything about the relationship between Chuck and Blair. I don't care what you post about me and other things related to Blair as long as you don't out her and Chuck's relationship and don't tell who won the competition, just keep it quiet. **

**Little J**

Jenny sat nervously at her computer waiting but she didn't have to wait long. The response was one word.

**Deal**

So Jenny attached the video (edited to be just the part where Nate admitted his affair, she didn't need Gossip Girl seeing the rest) and sent the email back.

**Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner, who has asked to remain anonymous. I have agreed to the winner's terms and am proud to announce that our mysterious man was none other than our very own N and from the sounds of the clip I received P isn't the only girl he's been messing with. Poor N, you seem a little lost, you've gone from dating the Queen B to screwing social outcasts behind the school. Find your way back to us soon. **

**xoxo**

**Gossip Girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**AN: This one took forever, I hope you all enjoyed. Thank you to those of you who review. It makes me happy :)**


	17. Things Happen When You Least Expect

**AN: So I noticed that when I talk as Gossip Girl I never indicate whether I'm sending an overall message visible to all the characters or simply narrating. So from now on if I am narrating it will also be in italics.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**THE FIRST PART IS DEFINTELY MATURE!!!! Skip to the next line if you don't like this kind of stuff**

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Chuck pulled Blair onto the bed, he knew that Blair was on birth control pills so he didn't bother with other forms of protection, not tonight. All the emotions running through him in that moment were insane. He was angry and disappointed and upset and he just wanted her so fucking badly.

Blair looked up and saw it in his eyes, the hungry passion that had consumed them both many times before. But this time there was an urgency to it that hadn't been there before; one that was almost fearful in nature. Maybe even their ids knew that they were running out of time together. Maybe that was fueling the fire behind this sudden assault on their emotions. All Blair knew was that she had to be touching Chuck. Any part of her at any time that wasn't touching him was a waste.

_**My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you**_

Chuck was aware that they were running out of time. But he tried to push it out of his mind. However, he couldn't help but think that with every touch, every kiss, that they were coming closer to their deadline. All too soon Blair would be turning eighteen and that meant that she would be getting married. So Chuck quit trying to push it away and instead used it. He used all of the urgency he was feeling in his love making. He practically ripped off her clothing, but she didn't seem to mind because she was too busy trying to do the same to him.

_**This fire rising through my being  
Burning, I'm not used to seeing you **_

Blair dug her fingers into his hair. Almost pulling, she was holding on so tightly, as he kissed and sucked on her neck. She knew that it would leave hickeys, but she didn't care. Being with him made her not care. So she let him continue this patter, working his way down her body. Sucking on the curve of her breast, grabbing her anywhere and everywhere he could. He grasped her thighs and pulled her legs over his shoulder before bringing her to orgasm with this mouth.

_**I'm alive, I'm alive**_

With her fingers still intertwined in Chuck's hair, she tugged his head back up to her mouth, where she kissed him deeply. She reached her hand down to help Chuck and found it wasn't necessary, he was already heard, so instead she guided him to her entrance, not that he needed any help there either.

_**I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing**_

She felt so damn good, thought Chuck as he moved inside her. They started rough and messy but as he moved inside her he slowed. He brushed hair out of Blair's face before bending down and kissing her earlobe. "I love you, Blair."

_**My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place**_

Only Chuck knew how to make her feel this way thought Blair to herself. She didn't know if it was because he was so experienced or if it was actually because they were so connected, so in love. She liked to think it was the later. "I love you too."

_**The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they all choose you**_

Their love making had been slow and steady for a long time. Chuck sometimes even amazed himself at his stamina. But eventually it started to become too much. He knew that Blair was getting close again as well because he knew her. Her fingers were grabbing and scratching at his back. He quickened his pace and she began to scream.

_**And so I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you**_

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

As she hit one of the most intense orgasms that she had ever had, she screamed, she cried Chuck's name. The one and only name she had ever cried during sex without forcing herself to do so. So she screamed and dug her nails further into his back, knowing that he wouldn't care. She knew he was close as well and she wanted him to experience the same pleasure she was so she tightened her grip on him in just the right way to finish him.

_**I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing**_

Maybe he was biased but Chuck was certain that Blair was the best he had ever had. She knew exactly what to do to bring him relief and she looked incredible doing it. So as he thrusted into her one more time he allowed himself to let go.

_**Take my hand  
I give it to you  
Now you own me, all I am  
You said you would never leave me  
I believe you  
I believe…**_

Blair had never allowed him to cum inside her before and it felt so different, like she was telling him that she trusted him, telling him that she was his and she loved it.

_**I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed**_

They both finished at about the same time; exhausted from their activities they fell asleep.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later, close to midnight, Blair heard her phone buzzing. She had a text message. Probably just Gossip Girl telling them that they had all failed her little challenge. When she actually read the message she gasped.

Upon hearing Blair gasp, Chuck instantly awoke. During the time that they had been together last spring he had become attuned to her stirrings and sounds so that he could help her with her little problem. He sat up but was relieved to find her still sitting on the bed and not on the bathroom floor. "What is it Blair?"

Blair simply turned to face him and held out her phone.

Chuck's eyes skimmed the Gossip Girl blast about Nate quickly. "What the hell? No one else knew, how did Gossip Girl find out?"

"It doesn't matter," Blair said quietly, "neither of us would have been able to do this to Nate."

Chuck nodded, "You're right, I know you are but I still can't fathom how anyone else could have identified him."

It suddenly clicked with Blair, she knew who had done it and as much as she would have liked to be mad, she couldn't be. Jenny had a right to hate Nate right now.

Chuck saw it in Blair's eyes when she figured it out so he skipped the normal questioning and went strait to the point. "Who?"

Chuck knew her so well, Blair thought. He knew when she had even the slightest inkling of something. "Jenny."

Chuck, upon seeing that Blair wasn't angry, just nodded. Yeah Jenny had a right to be pissed off at Nate right now, he just thought she would have taken her anger out in a different manor, one that didn't include Gossip Girl. "Nate's going to need us, now more than ever."

"I know" Blair responded. "But why does everyone's life have to fall apart at the same time? Can't anyone be happy."

Blair's phone buzzed in his hands, he went ahead and read the text before passing it to her and couldn't help but chuckle. "Well B, from the looks of the text you just got Serena seems to be doing just fine."

Blair was confused until she finished the text. From Serena, yep, her best friend was doing great.

**B **

**OMG Dan and I just made love on the roof of the Met. Even I have never done that b4. It was amazing. Hope things with C are great :)**

**3**

**S**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

Nate saw the message on his phone and couldn't contain his anger. He slung his phone across the room, shattering it into several pieces. Why couldn't people just mind their own business. He had told himself that he didn't care about that stuff. He didn't care what people were saying about him but now they were saying that he was "lost," no one was suppose to know that.

Nate put on his head phones and laid down on his bed. He didn't want to be like this, he didn't want to be lost, but he didn't know who he was anymore. He had never defined himself, not once in his life. He had just been who his parents wanted him to be, who Blair wanted to be, he had no clue what he wanted and everyone knowing wasn't going to help. Nate had never come to terms with the fact that he didn't have a real identity before. He hadn't been Blair's boyfriend for almost six months yet he didn't know who he was without her. He had gone strait from Blair to Vanessa to Serena to Jenny and he had no clue where this left him. So he sent a text message, hoping she would answer.

**I need u**

He sat there in his room waiting on an answer. Ten minutes passed and he was about to pick up the phone and call her when his phone beeped.

**that's a bad idea and u know it**

Yeah he knew it was a bad idea, he just knew that he needed to talk to her, to see her, he needed to know.

**please, u'r the only one who can understand**

He thought that that would get her. She had told him once that they would always be there for each other.

**r u at ur house?**

Nate knew then that she had caved.

**Yeah**

The next message was her quickest reply by far.

**b there in 10**

Nate breathed a sigh of relief. She really was the only one who could understand what he was going through. He was positive. But would she be willing to help him through this. When she had been lost he hadn't been there for her, hell it was his fault but maybe just maybe she would forget that and help him with this.

_**Who're you texting N? Another lady?**_

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Don't go Serena." Dan pleaded, trying to pull her back down onto the blanket.

"I'm sorry Dan I have to." Serena said pulling on her boots.

"Can't you do whatever this is later. Please." Dan said. "This is the first alone time we have had since we've gotten back together."

"I know Dan but this is important." Serena replied. She really did have to go, even though she would have much rather stayed here. She was apparently needed, or at least that is what the text claimed.

"Okay, okay, I said I would be more understanding this time" Dan said releasing his hold on her.

Serena turned back around, now fully dressed and gave Dan a quick kiss on the mouth. "Thank you." Before heading to the latter on the roof.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When Jenny saw Gossip Girl's text she immediately ran out to the sidewalk and haled a cab. She had to go tell Blair it was her so that Blair didn't get angry. She would have told her before but she was afraid that Blair would stop her from doing it and regardless of Blair's loyalty to Nate the benefit of this outweighed the cost. She knew that Blair was going to the Palace to meet Chuck so she knew exactly where to find her, she just hoped that she wasn't going to interrupt anything.

She knew that Bart and Lily were both out of town, Erik had gone with them and Serena was with Dan tonight so Chuck and Blair would be the only ones there. Jenny knew where the spare key to the apartment was like most of Erik and Serena's close friends but she thought she should knock anyway just in case.

When no one answered, she went ahead and let herself in. "Blair." Jenny called out.

When Chuck emerged from his room fully clothed Jenny was a little surprised. "Chuck, I'm sorry, I was looking for Blair, I assumed she was here, and I used the spare key under the fire hydrant in the hallway." Jenny was rambling.

"Shh, Humphrey, It's okay. Blair left about half an hour ago, she was heading home for the night because her mom is in town this week." Chuck said politely leaning up against his doorframe.

"Oh, okay. I really wanted to talk to her. There's something I have to tell her." Jenny said. She was so nervous. She wasn't comfortable around Chuck. Not because the stuff at the beginning of Freshman year, its just she didn't quite know how to act around him.

Chuck interrupted her again. "If it's about the Gossip Girl thing, she already knows that it was you." Chuck said standing all the way up and walking toward her a bit.

Damn it, Jenny thought to herself, Blair was going to be so pissed off at her. She wanted to tell Blair herself. What had she gotten herself into. Maybe, maybe she could tell Chuck why she did it. That might be easier.

Chuck saw the frantic look on Jenny's face. The girl looked fucking terrified. So he decided to go ahead and inform her that Blair wasn't pissed off. "Don't worry, she isn't mad, she knows about what happened with you and Nate and she thought that you had the right to reveal it, it just wasn't something that she could do herself." He saw Jenny visibly relax. "I on the other hand, thought that you could have handled it better. After all, you have to know what Nate is going through right now, you've seen him, you've been around him, yet you potentially pushed him further down just to keep Gossip Girl from blogging about you. Are you really that shallow?"

Jenny went from scared, to calm, to furious all within a couple of minutes. Chuck didn't have the right to talk to her like that, not after what she had just done for him and Blair. So she took a few steps closer to Chuck. "No Chuck, actually I'm not. In fact I didn't do it for me at all. I made a deal with Gossip Girl. I revealed the mystery man and she didn't post anything about the relationship between you and Blair. So after what I just did I think you should probably be a little less condescending."

Chuck Bass was taken aback and, an even rarer occurrence, he was speechless. For a long time he didn't say a word; he simply studied this girl in front of him. This girl who both he and Blair had done awful things to last year had done this for them. She had had the chance to gain immunity from Gossip Girl, to decide what Gossip Girl did and didn't post. He had tried to pretend earlier that it was shallow to want that but that kind of power was enormous in their world, yet she had given it up for them. Chuck looked her up and down. He opened his mouth and shut it twice before he finally said. "Thank you."

Jenny who had stood there allowing Chuck to process what had just happened simply replied. "My pleasure." She turned ready to leave.

"Hey Jenny," Chuck called out, using her actual name, something he didn't do to anyone very often. "Can I tell Blair?"

She had been surprised to hear her name. Chuck usually called her Humphrey, or Little Brooklyn but he had actually called her Jenny. She had kind of wanted to be the one to tell Blair but she figured that it would probably mean more coming from Chuck so she nodded.

"If you ever need anything, let me know." Chuck said sincerely. Offering his services in that way was another thing he rarely did, Chuck didn't like for anyone to think that they could rely on him, but after what she had done for him, the words just kind of slipped out.

After considering this for a moment Jenny replied. "Okay, I will." Before turning and leaving.

Chuck was still amazed and he couldn't wait to tell Blair what had just happened. They still had to find a way out of this but thanks to Jenny Humphrey things had just gotten a little less complicated.

**Spotted: J leaving C's suite with a smile on her face. S fleeing the roof of the Met leaving a half clothed Dan still up there. Where are you going in such a hurry S? As for B and N, both seem to be in hiding, wonder why? Only time will tell.**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Nate was pacing by the time he heard the knocking on the door. When it sounded he felt an instant apprehension wash over him. She had come, he didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing, she shouldn't be here, he knew that but he needed to figure this out and he had a feeling that she was the key to doing that. When he opened the door and saw her standing there he felt the apprehension go away, immediately replaced with relief. "Thanks for coming." Nate said opening the door.

"I told you, I would." Blair replied.

**Sometimes things don't go quite as we expect they would. Sometimes we get surprised. What happens during those times, may very well be the most important things of all.**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

________________________________________________________________________________**_____**

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm particular found of this chapter and as always, please review :)**


	18. Road to Hell is Paved w Good Intentions

**Here's the next chapter guys. I hope you like it ******

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**_________________________________________________________________________**

"Well are you going to let me in?" Blair said with an impatient tone. What was she doing here? This was a bad idea and if Nate didn't let her in soon she might just leave. She really shouldn't be here, she had lied to Chuck about where she was going. Blair didn't know why she'd lied to him it was just something about the way that Nate had sounded in those texts that she just didn't want to explain to Chuck but that still didn't explain why she had lied.

"Of course." Nate said opening the door and standing aside, motioning Blair to come in.

Blair walked into the Archibald's brownstone and Nate motioned her to continue on upstairs. That wasn't unusual. They never stayed downstairs, that was just for the parents. Blair wasn't even thinking and just continued on to Nate's room. Nate followed her in and closed the door. "Thank you for coming Blair."

Blair had been facing the other direction and spun around. "Why am I here Nate?" She had shown up because they had promised to be there for each other but she needed Nate to tell her why he had asked her to come.

In response Nate took two large steps forward, grabbed Blair's face, and kissed her.

Blair was shocked, that had been the last thing she expected and she was frozen. Nate was kissing her and she could feel herself responding before she really realized it. Blair suddenly unfroze and pushed Nate off her before smacking him. "NATE, what are you doing? I came here because I thought you needed someone to talk to. I wanted to be able to be here for you, but I love Chuck. We've been over for more than six months Nate and that was your decision."

"I'm sorry Blair." Nate said looking down. "It's just, I don't know who I am anymore, the last time that I really knew who I was, was when we were dating. I never had an identity apart from you and I never tried to figure that out. It feels like its all just come crashing down around me and I don't know how to be alone. I just thought that maybe if we could go back to how we were everything would be okay again and I would know who I was." Nate sat down on the lounge at the foot of his bed and let his head fall into his hands.

He was even more messed up than Blair had previously thought. She wasn't sure how to help him with this, but she knew that she had to try. Blair got on her knees in front of Nate. "Nate," He didn't look up. "Nate, look at me." Nate finally looked up. "We were never really good together, neither of us knew why we were together in the first place and we can't look to that for our identities. I figured that out last year, I couldn't let being your girlfriend couldn't define who I was and you can't do that either."

"But how Blair, how am I supposed to be myself, when I don't even know who I am." Nate said running his hands through his hair.

"Well first of all, sleeping with every girl you come in contact with isn't going to help." Blair said, scolding him in a way.

Nate looked up and grimaced. "I know, I just thought that it worked for Chuck for so long that maybe it could work for me. I could be that guy, the one who didn't care."

Blair's eyes softened. "Archibald, you could never be that guy. It's just not in you."

Nate smiled "Yeah, and after talking to Chuck I know that that was never his identity. He didn't find that until he found you."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Chuck opened the door before Serena even had a chance to get out her key. "Hello sister."

Serena rolled her eyes. "Okay Chuck why was it imperative that I come home immediately? I was actually having a nice night."

"Oh I know, I saw your text to Blair. Humphrey must be so disappointed that you had to leave." Chuck said, just like his old self.

"You're disgusting Chuck. Now tell me why I'm here." Serena said still right in front of the door.

"Nate needs us." Chuck said sobering up.

"Nate, you called me here because of Nate. I can't help him." Serena said turning and getting ready to leave.

"Serena," Chuck said grabbing her arm. "He was there for you last spring."

Those words were enough to remind Serena of the promise that they had made to each other. If one of them did something, they all did it. "Okay, what do we do."

"Well Blair is over there right now," Chuck said pointedly. He had known when Blair left that she had been lying to him. He could read her too well, plus he had seen her mouth Nate when she received the first text. "But Nate is going to need all of us."

"Wait, Blair is over there, with Nate, alone, and you're okay with that?" Serena said mouth gaping.

"Don't be so surprised Van der Woodson. I trust Blair." Chuck replied picking up his coat.

"It's just, just, I know how protective you are. I didn't know that you guys had gotten that level of trust in your relationship." Serena said, not moving.

"Well we have." Chuck said turning her around and leading her out. Well at least he hoped that they had. He could trust Blair, he could. He just had to keep reminding himself of that and he wouldn't lose his temper."

____________________________________________________________________________________

Blair was jolted. "Wait, Chuck said that, out loud?"

"Blair, you just don't know your effect on him do you? You matter more to him than anything and he thinks of you like a goddess. To him you're everything." Nate said. He thought that she deserved to know what she meant to Chuck.

"I'm no goddess." Blair said.

Nate replied without thinking. "I wouldn't be so sure of that Waldorf."

Blair blushed furiously. "Now, enough about me, you're the reason I'm here. When I was getting over you, and Chuck, and the whole scandal last spring, what I needed the most was time around people who loved me either way. At that point I was a little limited, everyone hated me, so it was mostly just me hanging around with Serena, Dorota, and ironically enough Dan. But you have a whole support system Nate. You've got Chuck, Serena, me, and you probably even have Jenny. Even after what you did to her."

Nate listened to Blair because he knew that she was right. Yeah he was a little messed up right now, but he still had his friends. Something Blair hadn't had and look at her, she was as strong as she had ever been. "I feel like such a drama queen." Nate said disgust apparent in his voice. "What was I even thinking, acting the way I was?"

"Nate, you are confused. There is nothing wrong with that. It's okay to be lost. Serena told me about what happened and I know that that had to hurt. You guys have always had something."

"No we haven't Blair, I just wanted so badly for a connection to someone that I equated what I felt for her to feelings of love. I've never really loved Serena, it was always you. Then I couldn't deal with the thing with you and Chuck. I was so hurt that I couldn't see reason, so I just jumped from relationship to relationship trying to force connections. Ironically enough, the only person I think I might have actually connected with is Jenny and I've screwed up any chance of a relationship ever happening there." Nate said.

Blair could tell that just talking was helping Nate. It was like he was working through some thoughts and ideas just by talking to her. This was good, it was working. "I wouldn't be so sure about that Nate. Jenny does care about you. But I don't want you trying to get involved with her romantically until you have some more of this figured out because if you hurt her, you are going to have to deal with me." The threat at the end what she said was definitely real and she could tell that Nate knew.

"When did you two become such good friends? Last time I remember, you guys hated one another." Nate honestly wanted to know.

Blair laughed. "It's actually a long story. It happened fairly recently. Actually in the elevator . . ."

Blair continued relaying the story and Nate couldn't help but smile. They were easily his two favorite girls and he was glad that they weren't at war anymore. "I'm glad." Nate said when she finished.

"Now, that's the Nate I remember." Blair said lightly. "I should go though, it's really late and I am supposed to be at home."

Nate stood up and helped Blair to her feet. "Thank you again." Nate said.

Blair reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling Nate into a hug. "Anytime Archibald."

Neither Nate nor Blair even heard the door open. "What the hell is going on here?"

_Oh shit._ Both Nate and Blair thought as they jerked apart and faced the door where Chuck stood looking irate with a disappointed looking Serena right behind him.

**Children, children, children don't you ever learn. My advice for today: If you're with someone, try not to get caught in the arms of someone else.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**AN: I know this one is kind of short but it was a good stopping point for this section. As always please review :)**


	19. Realizations

**Haha I know, quick update.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

No, this was not happening, he had not just walked in on Blair and Nate. No that hadn't happened. He had not just seen his Blair in the arms of his best friend. No. Chuck shut his eyes tightly, hoping that when he reopened them, this would have all just been part of his imagination. But he opened his eyes to see the same thing that he had just witnessed, except now Blair was trying to reach him, which for her involved climbing over the bed. He knew at very least he needed to cool down before speaking to her so he shoved Serena out of the way and took off out of the room.

Oh no, no, no, no. She had to catch Chuck, she had to tell him what had just happened wasn't what it had looked like. Serena moved out of her way and Blair was able to catch him halfway down the stairs. "Chuck, please, wait."

Chuck felt Blair's tiny hand grabbed his shoulder and heard her say his name and he couldn't resist turning around.

Blair inhaled deeply. She could see the careful control that Chuck was trying to maintain. He was doing his best not to lash out at her and say things that he didn't really mean. "Nothing happened."

Nate appeared at the top of the stairs and Chuck shifted his attention momentarily. "She's telling the truth man. We were just talking. Well actually I did something really stupid when she first got here, but I can still feel the sting of the slap that followed. She was helping me work some things out man I swear."

Chuck's eyes flicked back to Blair. "What did he do?" Chuck said curtly.

Blair wasn't about to lie. "Well, he kissed me but . . . " and she couldn't stop what happened next as Chuck bounded back up the stairs and punched Nate.

"Chuck man, I'm sorry . . ." was all Nate got out and he didn't even try to defend himself physically. There was no point Chuck was going to hit him and he definitely deserved it.

Chuck swung his fist hard into Nate's jaw and Nate went down but after the one punch Chuck backed away.

"Man did you have to punch me?" Asked Nate standing up fairly quickly and rubbing his jaw.

"Sorry Nathaniel, don't kiss my girlfriend again and I won't have to punch you again." Chuck said, with a lot less hostility than one would expect.

"Hey wasn't that line on like 7th Heaven?" Nate said lightheartedly.

Everyone laughed, it was like a huge ice breaker before Serena finally chocked out "You watched that show?"

"Come on Blair, lets go talk." Chuck said quietly, taking Blair's hand and leading her down to the formal sitting room downstairs away from the laughter. Chuck smiled a tense smile at her as he led her down trying to let her know that he didn't blame her for what had just happened but he knew that he hadn't succeeded in reassuring her because of the doe eyed look on her face.

When they reached the sitting room Chuck took both of Blair's hands and said simply," I'll tell you what I know and then you tell me what happened. Okay?"

Blair nodded and Chuck continued. "So I saw you get Nate's messages. When you got the first one, you mouthed his name." Chuck could tell Blair wanted to say something and he put a finger to her lips. "Let me finish Blair." She nodded again. "After when you said you were going to your mother's I knew that you were lying but I figured that I had to trust you and you wouldn't lie to me without reason. As hard as it was to watch you leave, knowing where you were going, I had to do it to prove to myself that I trusted you." Chuck took a breath. "Then I texted Serena and told her that Nate needed us all and we headed over. This leads us to me walking in on you two embracing. Okay now it's your turn."

Blair began talking after taking a deep breath. "Well, Nate texted me that he needed me. At first I told him no but he begged so I said that I would come. I don't even know why I lied about it. I guess I thought that you would get angry and jealous." Blair said looking down.

Chuck took one of his hands out of hers and proceeded to lift her chin so that his eyes met hers. "Blair, look at me. It's okay that you thought that."

"No it isn't" Blair said quickly. "You trusted me to not cheat but I couldn't even trust you not to get jealous Chuck, I feel awful."

Chuck brushed Blair's hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "Finish telling me what happened and then we can discuss the trust thing, okay?"

Blair looked into his eyes for a moment more before continuing. "Well I got here and Nate basically jumped me." Chuck's grip on Blair's hands tightened. "Don't worry, I pushed him away and smacked him." Chuck's grip released a little and he gave Blair a small smile, which she returned. "I was going to leave, I told Nate that what he did was stupid and I loved you and he stopped me from going. He told me that he just wanted to know who he was and that without me he honestly didn't know. So then we talked about how I had gotten over him, about the fact that a girl couldn't define him, and eventually that he couldn't go around sleeping with ever girl he met." Blair looked at Chuck pointedly. "Nate explained that he did it because he thought it worked for you for so long and I told him that he could never be that guy."

Chuck tensed up, the hurt obvious in his eyes. _Blair still thought that Nathaniel was better than him, that Chuck was beneath her. _

"Hey now," Blair said quietly, "Let me finish before you start judging what I say."

This time it was Chuck's turn to nod, unwillingly accepting the fact that Blair had the right to explain herself.

"Nate then told me that it wasn't your identity either. Which I always knew but the fact that you admitted that to him, meant a lot." Blair gave Chuck a big smile. By this time, they were a lot closer together than how they had started, they were almost touching all over. "Then we talked about you and what I meant to you. Nate claims that I am the reason you found your identity, which I'm still not sure I believe but then I got the subject back to Nate. I told him that he had something that I didn't have last spring, people to support him."

At this point, it was Chuck's turn to look ashamed. _He had put Blair through a lot last semester._

Blair bent down to catch his eye before standing back up. He of course followed her. "Don't worry about that Chuck, it's in the past." Blair gave Chuck a quick kiss on the cheek before continuing. "So, Nate and I talked about how he had all these people who cared about him and would be there for him, no matter what. Then we talked about Jenny. The fact that Nate actually has feelings for her and never really had feelings for Serena or Vanessa. I told him to stay away from her until he was better and we talked about mine and Jenny's new friendship. I told him I needed to go home and he helped me up. I gave him a hug, just as friends, and you guys walked in."

Chuck exhaled. Nothing had happened, he had continually reminded himself that he trusted Blair but it was good knowing that he was right in doing so. "Okay about the trust thing, then I have to tell you something." Blair cocked her head inquisitively. "Trust thing first, surprise later." Chuck said jokingly before becoming serious. "Blair, it was difficult for me to just stand by and let you go to Nate but I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. I don't blame you for not telling me. I have given you a million reasons to think that I would get pissed and none to say I wouldn't; while, you have already been working on showing me that I'm the only guy for you. When I saw you in his arms, I freaked out a little but I maintained control for the most part." At this Chuck smirked.

"Chuck that's not fair and you know it. Not that I don't want you to trust me, because I definitely do, its just you act like I can do no wrong, even when I mess up, you act like I don't and it scares me." Blair whispered the last four words.

_**I never promised you a ray of light  
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday**_

"No I don't," Chuck said in disbelief. "Blair, you never have to be scared of me and you didn't do anything wrong in this case though. . . "

_**I give you everything I have  
The good  
The bad**_

Blair interrupted. "See there it is again. I did do something wrong Chuck. I messed up. I lied to you."

_**Why do you put me on a pedestal  
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below**_

Chuck immediately started talking. "I already told you, I gave you no reason to be able to trust me, so there is no reason . . . "

_**So help me down  
You've got it wrong  
I don't belong there**_

"CHUCK I LIED TO YOU!" Blair screamed. Taking her hands out of his, she ran one through her hair and stopped halfway through, griping her beautiful curls.

_**One thing is clear  
I wear a halo  
I wear a halo when you look at me**_

Chuck was immediately silenced, by Blair's outburst. He didn't understand why she was so upset. He told her he wasn't angry. It's like she wanted him to be mad. "Blair, I don't get it this time. I don't understand." Chuck said tersely.

_**But standing from here  
You wouldn't say so  
You wouldn't say so if you were me **_

_**And I  
I just wanna love you  
Oh  
Oh  
I  
I just wanna love you **_

Blair turned around and took a deep inhale, before facing Chuck again. "Chuck you've been letting things slide ever since we got together months ago in the Hamptons. You explain away all of my little mistakes yet equate all of your missteps to major flaws."

_**I always said that I would make mistakes  
I'm only human and that's my saving grace  
I fall as hard as I try so don't be blinded **_

When Chuck stayed quiet, Blair continued. "You have to realize that I mess up too. I screw up just like you do. I lied to you and I shouldn't have. I was wrong and you have to deal with these things now. You can't just push them away or they are going to build up. Then one day I'm going to do something small or big, who knows, and you aren't going to be able to deal with it. That's why I'm scared. "

_**See me as I really am  
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin**_

_**So pull me from that pedestal  
(Pull me from that pedestal)  
I don't belong there  
(I don't belong)**_

Nate did that. If there is one thing I am sure of after today, its that Nate thought of me as some perfect girlfriend, who couldn't screw up, couldn't make mistakes, then when I did, everything fell apart. I don't want that to happen to us Chuck. I can't handle that happening to us. I don't want to mess up but I know I will because I'm not perfect. I'm just me." By this time tears were pouring down Blair's face and she was barely chocking out the words.

_**One thing is clear  
I wear a halo  
I wear a halo when you look at me  
But standing from here  
You wouldn't say so  
You wouldn't say so if you were me **_

Chuck walked over and wrapped his arms around Blair. Pulling her tiny frame to him.

_**Why you think that you know me  
But in your eyes I am something above you  
It's only in your mind  
Only in your mind **_

Damn it she was right and he knew it. He had been doing exactly what she claimed he was. He loved her so much that he was refusing to see any flaws, any mistakes. "I'm sorry Blair, I'm so sorry." Chuck held her while she cried. "I thought I was so aware of all of your imperfections, but I think those imperfections made you perfect to me. Ahh, I'm as lost as Nathaniel sometimes." At this Blair couldn't help but laugh.

_**One thing is clear  
I wear a halo  
I wear a halo when you look at me  
But standing from here  
You wouldn't say so  
You wouldn't say so if you were me  
And I  
I just wanna love you  
Oh  
Oh  
I  
I just wanna love you **_

"I'm still not angry about tonight Blair. I love you and there's no crime in that but I see your point. I'll try my best not to fall into the clichéd "the sun itself sees not 'til heaven clears" type of thing."

Blair's head snapped up. "Chuck Bass, did you just quote Shakespeare?" Blair had a look of surprise on her face, one that was only about a third exaggerated.

"Don't look so surprised Blair, I actually like learning on my own terms, that just happens to come from my favorite Sonnet. Do you know what it means?" Chuck said in return.

"Of course I do Chuck, I am poised to be valedictorian." Blair replied defiantly.

"Well," Chuck rebutted raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, fine, I don't." Huffed Blair, she didn't like admitting that she didn't know something.

Chuck smirked and Blair batted his arm playfully. "Just tell me and quit gloating Bass."

His face warmed to a smile. "It means, that people are blinded from reason by love. So what I'm saying to you is that I will try my hardest not to do that. I will attempt to be as unbiased as possible for you."

Blair smiled, she knew this wasn't something people normally asked their boyfriends. Seriously how many girls went around asking their boyfriends to get mad at them. But she knew this was right and the fact that Chuck understood her meant everything to her. Blair reached up and kissed him hard.

Chuck laughed as he struggled to detach Blair from himself. "Wait Blair, wait." Blair finally pulled back frustrated. "The surprise. I haven't told you the surprise."

Those words caused Blair's eyes to light up. This must be good if he was willing to stop her onslaught of kisses to tell her. "Well, what is it?"

"So I had a visitor today." Chuck began teasingly.

Blair was getting impatient "AND . . .?"

She was adorable when she was anxious and Chuck couldn't help but draw it out, smirking his trademark smirk the entire time. "Yes, after you left."

"CHUCK BASS tell me right now." Blair demanded.

"Okay, okay," Chuck said laughing. "Jenny stopped by to talk to you."

_Jenny?_ Blair wanted so badly to interrupt but she knew that she would find out sooner if she just kept quiet.

Chuck then threw a curveball. "How would you like to go on a date tomorrow night? Like a real one. I would pick you up, we could go out to dinner. Nothing too public but you know, not at home either." Chuck sat quietly waiting for Blair's response, he knew that he had confused her, forced her thoughts to change tracks.

"Chuck, that has nothing to do with what we are talking about, quit changing the subject. Anyway, it doesn't matter, you know we can't because of Gossip Girl." Blair said, she was obviously irritated.

"That's where you are wrong, it has everything to do with what we were talking about. Gossip Girl isn't an issue anymore for us. Thanks to Jenny that is." Chuck said smiling broadly.

"Chuck that doesn't make any since!" Blair replied frustrated once more.

Chuck smiled again, waiting on Blair to connect the dots and it only took a few seconds before he saw her beautiful brown eyes illuminate.

"Jenny, turned Nate into Gossip Girl, for us?" Blair said, clearly as a question.

Chuck nodded. "She made a deal. She gave Gossip Girl the info that she wanted and Gossip Girl didn't post anything about us, _ever_."

Chuck didn't have to tell Blair what that meant. She knew all too well the threat that Gossip Girl had posed to their plans. "OMG," was all that Blair could get out. "I can't believe Jenny would do that. That's huge."

"I know." Chuck replied suddenly serious. "Now what do you say to dinner."

Blair decided to pay him back for his teasing earlier. "Hmmm, I'll have to think about it." But she couldn't hold out when Chuck made his puppy dog face at her. "Fine" Blair said. "Of course I want to go to dinner."

Chuck immediately cupped her face and pulled her to him. Kissing her just like before. It was so freeing. There was a sense of reckless abandon that didn't even need to exist because they were in a way in the clear. Their tongues were dancing together as Chuck pressed Blair against the nearest wall. They were already heated from the argument and they allowed excitement of the moment to overwhelm them.

Chuck ran his hands up her skirt and grasped her thighs, hoisting her up around his waste. As Chuck was reaching for her underwear, Blair heard the bark of a dog. Nate's dog never use to bark when she and Nate were making out. _Wait a minute_ thought Blair, _Nate's dog_, _Oh shit they were in Nate's sitting room about to have sex._. Suddenly Blair's mental processes caught up to her hormones and at the last possible moment she grabbed Chuck's hands on her thighs and pried them off.

At first, Chuck just thought Blair was being rough. It wouldn't have been the first time that she had scratched him during sex. But when she pulled his fingers off her thighs he didn't know what she was doing.

Once Chuck's hands were off of her Blair gracefully managed to land on her feet. Where she immediately started fixing her clothes.

Chuck was astounded. The only time they had ever stopped in the middle of foreplay before was when Nate had interrupted them before the Debutante Ball, never had they stopped of their own volition. "What the hell Waldorf?" Chuck said, his sexual frustration pouring over as his raging hard on was having trouble going back in his pants.

Blair got down on her knees and got his pants zipped before quickly standing back up, much to Chuck's dismay. But then she added through clinched teeth. "Look around Chuck, where are we?" which Chuck did and Blair saw both surprise and astonishment cross his face. Then in a low seductive voice she added. "Now while I still have momentary control over my hormones I suggest we move to the limo before we end up christening Nate's living room."

"Yes ma'am ." Chuck replied. "But when we say goodbye to our friends you are going to have to stay in front of me unless you want them to know what we've been up to." Chuck added with a smirk.

Blair laughed out loud before pulling Chuck out into the foyer.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Nate sat on the stairs holding an ice pack to his jaw while Serena stood against the wall shaking her head. "I don't understand you Nate."

He wasn't entirely sure what Serena was still doing here, "Serena, what are you even still doing here. I didn't call you, I didn't ask you to come."

"Nate that's not what I meant." Serena said a little exasperated, she didn't know why she hadn't left yet either. "I want to understand you, I do, but you have to talk to me."

Nate was annoyed. He and Serena had been friends for a long time but right now, if she was in his life it would only complicate things because the only one worse at actually solving problems than him was Serena. "I don't need you to understand, my life is too complicated right now to go around explaining everything to every person. I called Blair because she knows what's going on with me and she could help. All you ever do is complicate things."

His words stung her a little. They had been friends for so long yet he didn't want her involved in his life right now. "Nate, I'm just trying to be here for you. I want us to be able to be friends."

"And we can be. Just not right now. This stuff that I am dealing with is partially because of you and I need to get things sorted out before you get involved again. Honestly Serena, when have you ever been able to help someone through something without getting involved or making it worse." Serena was taken aback, she wasn't very found of this version of Nate, "Never. And right now, right now, I can't afford for this to get any worse. I have things that I need to sort out and while I'm glad that you want to be friends these are things that you aren't going to be able to help me with. So please Serena just give me some space."

This Nate was honest. Brutally honest, but on some level Serena knew that he was actually right. He may be mean or rude but that was his way of coping. Of dealing with whatever it was that he didn't want to talk about. So all that she could do was respect his wishes. "Okay, Nate, okay. Just know that when you are ready, I'll still be here."

Nate smiled a small smile, looking up at Serena from the stairs. God she was beautiful, but he realized without a doubt that he didn't have feelings for her past friendship, for the first time he could remember, he didn't want her. "Thanks."

At that they both heard Blair scream.

Nate rolled his eyes. "Please don't let them be having sex in my mother's sitting room."

"Nate I think they are just arguing, sounds to me like Blair is just yelling at Chuck." Serena said laughing a little.

"Ha." Nate replied. "You've never heard Blair in bed." Nate added with a smirk similar to one Chuck would give.

"Gross Nate, I so didn't need to know that." As Serena replied they heard a crash.

"Oh well, I hope at least they don't break anything. The grandparents are pretty much covering us right now but mom would still be pissed if any of the crystal got broken." Nate said shaking his head. Those two were like forces of nature, you couldn't keep them apart if you tried.

Serena couldn't help but laugh again and Nate joined her as a disheveled Blair and Chuck appeared in the foyer. Blair standing directly in front of Chuck.

"So did you guys work things out?" Serena questioned raising her eyebrows.

Blair, obviously out of breath replied. "Yes S, everything is fine, we are just going to head out." It was difficult to talk. It felt like she had just run a marathon and she could feel Chuck's hard on against her back. She was just trying to get out of there as quickly as possible but what was said next surprised her.

"You guys didn't break anything during your sexual escapades did you?" Nate asked rather good naturedly.

Blair tried to keep a straight face. "I don't know what you're talking about Nate." But as she finished she and everyone else burst out laughing.

After several minutes Chuck tightened his grip on Blair's hand and spoke. "Nothing's broken and we didn't have sex so your living room is still perfectly clean, but we do need to head out. It's almost four and we all have school tomorrow." He began pulling Blair out of the room as he backed up.

"Oh look Chuck Bass is concerned about school." Serena added sarcastically. "I never thought I'd see the day. I however am also going to head out." Serena said as she grabbed her purse and walked out the door.

As Chuck and Blair were walking towards the door themselves, after saying their goodbyes of course, Nate put a hand on Chuck's shoulder and Chuck turned around. "Hey man, are we cool?" Nate asked almost nervously.

Chuck turned his head to a smiling Blair before facing Nate again. "Yeah man, we're cool."

"Bye Nate" Blair added before stepping through the doorframe.

"Goodbye guys and thank you both, for everything." Nate said sincerely, shutting the door behind them.

**Spotted: B, C, and S all at N's house. Looks like the Breakfast Club is back together dealing with yet another crisis. I don't know if I want them to succeed this time. Tonight is a night for realizations, whether its realizing that your letting yourself be blinded by love, realizing that your friends are going to be there for you no matter what, or maybe realizing that sometimes there are friends that you are better off staying away from.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**AN: Hey guys. To those of you that I promised some Darena action, I'm sorry it's coming this section just took longer than I thought so it will have to come later. **

**I have exams right now and honestly I'm not sure if I am going to continue this story, I' a little low on inspiration right now, lol. **

Oh yeah, the song that I used part of is Halo by Bethany Joy Galeotti


	20. Are You Ready?

**AN: I just wanted to say that I am so so so so so so so sorry for any of you that thought that I was complaining about not getting reviews on my story. My lack of inspiration is because I am having boy problems with a guy that has definitely been my inspiration for the CB stuff and I was really upset about it yesterday but don't worry I am going to continue just a little sporadically because of exams.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

Blair jumped out of the shower and hurriedly dressed for school. Thank goodness she had already decided in the limo what she was going to wear today. She hadn't slept a wink the entire night. She had started in Chuck's bed room, then the big intervention at Nate's, then she and Chuck had spent the rest of the night in his limo, finishing what they had started in Nate's sitting room. However, even though she hadn't slept at all, somehow she wasn't even the least bit tired. Sex had somehow managed to completely replace sleep and Blair couldn't help but think that that was convenient. Unfortunately though, she knew that the sex high would only last for another couple of hours, that's why she had called Dorota and had her prepare six to-go cups of coffee, she figured that after the night that they had had last night, and what they were sure to face at school today with the Nate scandal exploding, the group was going to need all of the energy that they could get. As she looked in the mirror to fix her hair and apply her make up Chuck appeared beside her reflection.

"Damn it Chuck, I told you to stay in the limo." Blair said loudly over the blow drier. Leave it to Chuck Bass to have had a change of clothes for himself in the limo, but besides that, she knew that Chuck would just distract her from getting ready.

Chuck shrugged. "I was bored." He moved to sit on her bed. "I promise I'll stay out of your way." Chuck added.

"Fine." Blair replied as she finished blow drying and started opening her make up bag. She didn't have time to get ready and argue with Chuck about whether or not he should have stayed in the limo.

"You know, you don't need that powdery stuff that you are about to put on right?" Chuck stated, interrupting her own thought process, while gesturing at the brush in her hand.

Blair talked to him through their reflections in the mirror. "Yes, I do Chuck, you don't know anything about make up. Now shush, you're distracting me."

"Blair, really you don't need it, you're already beautiful and that stuff would only mute you're natural glow." Blair was about to disagree when she took another look at her reflection. Sure enough she was kind of glowing. Her cheeks were already a light pink and her eyes looked bright. So instead of applying the powder she picked up her mascara put on two quick swipes before adding a coat of Chuck's favorite red lipstick and turning around. "Well I guess, that's what being in love does to you."

Chuck smiled one of the large bright smiles that he reserved for Blair alone before getting up and reaching for her hand. "Lets go Waldorf."

Blair looked at his hand for only a moment before taking it, lacing her fingers through his and following him out the door of her bed room and down the stairs. In the foyer, Dorota handed Blair a tray with the to-go coffee and they went on to the limo.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Serena groaned as Dan walked up behind her and grabbed her around the waist. She knew he was just trying to be playful but she was really not in the mood. She hadn't gotten any sleep after she had left Nate's house and she could barely hold her eyes open.

Dan walked around until he stood in front of Serena, "Serena, what's wrong?" Dan asked sincerely. He was a little worried. The last time that he had seen her look this awful was back when she thought that she had killed someone.

The worry in Dan's voice got to her a little and his eyes were so concerned that she felt her mood soften a little. He was one of the few people that ever had that effect on her. "I didn't get any sleep last night, but don't worry about it, I'll be okay." She didn't mention that she was also still a little miffed that Nate had wanted to confide in Blair but not her. That he found her incapable of helping other people with their problems. Okay so she was more than miffed, she was pissed off. It was ridiculous, trusting Blair over her.

"Okay." Dan said, his concern not totally erased. "Well, why didn't you sleep?" He could tell it wasn't just the sleep thing so he figured maybe he could talk it out of her.

"I just had to deal with some family stuff." Serena said in an attempt to evade his question, her friends were family to her anyway. She didn't really want to tell him that she had been at Nate's last night.

Dan knew that he was starting to push Serena a little, he could see her getting cranky again but he thought maybe a little more wouldn't hurt. "Do you want to talk about it?"

_Why couldn't Dan just get the picture and leave her alone this morning_ thought Serena. "No Dan, not really." Serena said, snapping just a little.

Dan raised his hands up as if in surrender. "Okay, okay, we don't need to talk about it. Just if you want to some time, we could, I just wanted you to know that." He definitely didn't want Serena pissed at him, things between them had just gotten better again.

Serena had opened her mouth to say something when Jenny appeared before her, looking fairly cheery. "Hey guys, umm Blair just sent me a text to come find you guys, she's almost here and she wants to talk to you."

Serena groaned once more. What on earth did Blair want this morning? Serena turned back to face Dan.

Dan, who was picking up his bag, sensed that Serena was waiting on him to say something. So he pretended as though their earlier argument hadn't happened and said. "So I guess I'll see you at lunch?"

Serena noticed that Dan had dropped their earlier topic. "Yeah." Then she leaned in and kissed him, until Jenny coughed.

"Um, guys, you don't have to say good bye, Blair wants to see both of you." Jenny said once she had their intention.

Dan was caught of guard. "No Jenny, you must have misread her text, Blair Waldorf hates me."

Even Serena was a little surprised. "Yeah, Jenny, I mean Dan is definitely not Blair's favorite person."

Jenny just rolled her eyes and opened her phone. When she found the text she read it aloud. "J, I'm about 10 from school. Could you do me a huge favor and find D and S and bring them to the steps. Thanks girl. B." Then she looked at her brother and Serena in a told you so kind of way. "See, she wants to talk to both of you."

Serena didn't know what to say, she was tired and now really confused, so she didn't say anything, she just started walking towards the steps.

Jenny followed Serena until she noticed Dan wasn't behind her. She turned around to face Dan standing exactly where he had been like someone had stupefied him. "Dan, come on, whatever this is, you know if Blair wants to talk to you then it is probably pretty important, plus it's not like you have anything better to do."

Dan simply shook his head, "Thanks Jenny, great to know what you think of my life." Jenny raised her eyebrows. "But unfortunately you have a point."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nate was simply walking aimlessly in the direction of St. Judes. He had yet to decide whether or not he was even going to go to school today. Maybe it would be better if he just went to the park and smoked a joint. At very least it would chill him out a little. It was fairly nice out today, but he could already feel fall on its way. Yeah a joint was the way to go today.

He had just turned around to head to Central Park which was in the opposite direction, when a limo pulled up beside him. He didn't stop walking, he knew it was Chuck. The window rolled down and he was waiting on Chuck to give him some kind of man-to-man talk; however, the voice he heard surprised him.

"Get in the limo Nate." Called Blair.

Even though that hadn't been the voice he was expecting it didn't stop him. But it did cause him to give a response. "No thanks Blair, I think I'm good."

Blair wasn't going to take any of Nate's indecisive crap this morning, she had people waiting on them at school and she didn't really have time to mess with it. "Archibald I said get in the car right now."

The tone in Blair's voice stopped him in his tracks. He knew that tone all to well and with that he knew that she wasn't caving on this one. So when the door popped open he slid in, moving to one of the side benches. Once Nate's eyes had adjusted to the light, he noticed the way Blair was leaning against Chuck, his arm draped around her. It was almost as though they were one fluid person, automatically adjusting to even the slightest movement on the part of the other. Nate watched as Blair fixed Chuck's ascot and gave him a quick kiss and he couldn't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy. He had been so stupid when things came to Blair. He didn't know if they were right for each other, and obviously she was in love with Chuck, but Nate couldn't help but think that it could be him that she was leaned up against, him that she was kissing, his knee that her small delicate hand was placed on. He always seemed to want what he couldn't have, the only time that he hadn't was the short time that he and Blair had been together after Christmas of the past year. Yet again it seemed that everything always came back to Blair. He was such an idiot for letting her go, but now, now he had to let her be happy. Nate had to snap himself out of his moody reverie. Yeah it was obvious that he still had feelings for Blair but in all actuality now was not their time, she was Chuck's girlfriend, the only girl that he had ever loved, and Blair loved him back. So, Nate was going to move past it, productively this time. He was going to stay away from girls like Serena for a while because they were nothing but trouble when it came to this kind of stuff. The only bad thing was, he knew that even though he was apparently still hung up on Blair, he had a serious draw to Jenny Humphrey. He didn't know what it was about her but if he and Blair weren't a possibility then that is the only girl he would really want to be with.

While Nate was thinking, Chuck whispered in Blair's ear. "I think there's something wrong with Nate babe. I mean he looks even hazier than usual. Are you sure you want to make him go to school in this condition?"

Blair reached up and fixed Chuck's ascot. Through her teeth she responded, "Chuck, I know what I'm doing." She wasn't someone who liked her judgment being called into question and he knew that.

Chuck reached out a hand stroked her jaw line. "I know Waldorf, I'm just worried about him."

Blair had been instantly subdued by the feel of Chuck's hand. "Me too" she whispered.

As Blair turned back around Nate finally spoke. " So why is it so important that I go to school today?" It had taken him a long time to shake himself out of his little daydream about how stupid he had been and how stupid he wasn't going to be anymore.

"It's simple Nate," Blair had readjusted to where she was sitting forward in her seat and Chuck had followed, never letting their bodies separate; all of this was not lost on Nate. "The only way to make a scandal go away is to let everyone get it out of their system. If you fight it, or hide from it, then they are like sharks they tear you to bits. BUT if you go to school today like absolutely nothing happened, let them say what they want to say, and act like it doesn't affect you, then it'll all be over by the end of the week and they will have moved on to some other scandal. Plus, it's not like it's that big of a deal. You are only going to get crap from the girls, the guys are going to worship you for it."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that Blair. Normally guys think of it as a good thing when you sleep around or do it all over the school but not with girls like Penelope. All of the guys think she nasty and now everyone knows I slept with her, everyone thinks I slept with EVERYONE." Nate was getting a little heated. He had never liked other people knowing his business and he knew that he wasn't going to enjoy all the rumors that were sure to spread about him having diseases or him being a manwhore. The worst part was that every girl he had turned down was going to stick it to him hard. That was when the next post from Gossip Girl hit.

_**(Hi B, since you seem to have indirectly won my little prize, I thought I would give you an advance warning on this one, better mobilize the forces this is going to be a bumpy ride)**_

**Ladies and Gentlemen look what I have here. After some digging around into our newest scandal with N. It seems I have uncovered an even bigger one. It seems as though after N's father ran off sometime last year he left the family in a whole lot of debt. The Vanderbilt's have been taking care of things for months. So it looks like N is . . . Poor, maybe he was screwing around for money, who knows, but the word on the street is that P gave him a nasty little disease you know where. So if I were you girls, I'd keep my distance.**

**you know you love me**

**(well maybe not you N)**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

"Oh My Fucking God" said Blair. "Gossip girl just sent me a personal message, warning me about something that she is going to send later and I seriously can't believe she went there, it's not like any of it's true in the first place."

Chuck and Nate were both alarmed and confused. It was obviously something Gossip Girl had sent but what? Nate was the first to try and ask. "Blair what does it say?"

"I just don't get it, why is that bitch making up lies?" Blair wasn't even paying attention to the guys.

Chuck reached over her shoulder and grabbed her phone. He read the text and didn't say anything, but Blair turned and examined his expression. His eyes were flaming, she could see the anger. "See," Blair said. "None of that is true." But Chuck's continued silence scared her.

"Guys," Nate yelled. "What's in the text?"

Blair jumped, before biting her lip. "Nate, I know it isn't true, so it doesn't really matter." Then she turned to Chuck "Right?"

Chuck passed the phone to Nate. "Nathaniel, I'm sorry." The look on Chuck's face told Blair everything. The text was true, the important part at least. Nate's family was broke and in their world, there was no coming back from that.

Nate read the text and as he did, Blair could see everything in him crashing down. His voice was emotionless as he asked Chuck, "How long?"

Blair just sat there looking between the two most important guys in her life, as Chuck tried to answer Nate. "How long what Nathaniel?"

"HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?" Nate snapped. "AND DON'T FUCKING PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW, I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES!"

Chuck kept his cool. "Since this summer." Nate started to interrupt but Chuck held up a hand. "I found your mom crying one day in the house when I was living there. She told me everything and I helped her convince your grandparents to take care of you guys. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to tell me when you wanted to tell me."

Nate closed his eyes and inhaled. His breathing was ragged and he knew it. But when he looked back up he stared Chuck straight in the eye. "Thanks." Then Nate turned to Blair. "So, are you still sure that we can handle this."

Blair didn't ask questions because she had already put all the pieces together in her head. "Well, I don't know how long we have until the masses get the message but I already have some people waiting for us at the steps. I'm going to forward this one on to Jenny so that she is prepared just in case." Which she did promptly.

Nate was following Blair until he heard Jenny's name. "Jenny? What does Jenny have to do with this Blair?" The look in Nate's eyes was almost anxious, he was flipping out enough about everything, the last thing he need were more complications. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

It was Blair's turn to get a little frustrated. Why on earth was everyone doubting her this morning. "Damn it guys, quit questioning me this morning, I mean really, I wouldn't have asked Jenny to help out if I didn't think that you guys could handle it. I already warned you Nate, I'm not going to let her get hurt."

Nate was resigned. Blair was right, he had to do this, he had to just bite the bullet, even if it was going to be more difficult than they were originally, it was still what was necessary.

_**Are you ready for this B? Cause here goes nothing**_

Blair got a text from Gossip Girl first before it happened but the limo pulled up to the steps less than a minute later.

"Okay guys," Nate said sounding semi -confident. "Let's get this over with."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**AN: Sorry I'm in the middle of finals guys so the writing is really touch and go but I hope you all like this chapter. I love hearing your feedback so please review.**


	21. Mobilizing the Troupes

**Aloha from beautiful Hawaii everyone. Sorry it's been so long since my last update I had exams then straight to Hawaii so I haven't had much time to write. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

Phones were beeping as Blair opened the door to the limo. She immediately spotted Jenny, Dan, and Serena waiting at the bottom of the steps. Blair hadn't moved away from the limo door yet when Jenny's head popped up.

Jenny mouthed "Is it true." Blair nodded and calmly moved out of the way.

Chuck handed Blair the coffee and stepped out of the limo, moving to the opposite side of the doorway, clearing the way for Nate to step out. People hadn't been expecting to see Nate get out of the limo as well so it turned out to be a fairly nice cover. But people didn't stay oblivious for long and the whispers were all audible as the trio moved towards the Met steps.

Blair couldn't help but think that Dan looked confused. Oh well, he would understand in time. What was important right now was that he was here. So instead of addressing the strange looks they were all giving her she started handing out coffee. "Okay guys, this is going to be a long day and four of us are going on almost no sleep trying to deal with all of this mess last night."

Dan looked at Serena "Family problems, huh?" His tone was a little judgmental and he knew it so when he saw Serena start to react he placed his hand on hers and softened his voice. "Don't worry about it."

Serena gladly accepted the coffee, but Dan took it hesitantly. "Why am I here Blair?" Dan said refusing to hold onto the coffee until Blair told him.

Blair could feel that Dan wasn't holding the coffee completely and she figured that she might as well just go ahead and answer his question. "Well, Dan." Dan's eyes went wide when he heard her say his name. The world had gone crazy this morning, but he didn't interrupt. "If you are with Serena then you are one of us." There was a shocked kind of silence for a moment and everyone was thinking the same thing, _Had Blair Waldorf, the biggest bitch on the Upper East Side just accepted Dan Humphrey, the wannabe writer from Brooklyn, as part of their group? _

Dan finally broke the shocked silence. "Who are you and what have you done with Blair Waldorf?"

Blair couldn't help but smile a little. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She said jokingly before adding, "Was I really that bad before?"

"Yes" Dan said, with Serena and Nate close behind adding different versions of the same word. To which Jenny sheepishly added "Well, kind of."

Blair looked at Chuck with raised eyebrows, "Don't you have anything to add?"

Chuck could tell by her tone of voice and the smile on her face that she wasn't offended. "You know I love your bitchy side Blair, its half the reason I fell in love with you. You are the only person as cruel and calculating as I am."

Blair couldn't help but laugh, before adding, "Dan would you just take the coffee." She was tired of holding it and they had way more important things to be discussing right now. Jenny quickly accepted the coffee as did Nate.

But when it came to Chuck he wrinkled his nose. "Blair I don't like coffee."

"Well its not like you can drink scotch in the morning and you are going to need to be on your game today with this new Gossip Girl blast." Blair said practically forcing the coffee into his hands.

Chuck took it and downed in quickly to get it over with. He hated it when Blair was right but he knew that in this case she definitely was.

Blair turned back to address the rest of the group. "Okay so that brings me to why I wanted to talk to you all today. So by now I am sure everyone has seen the last couple of post by Gossip Girl. Well, as a result of that Nate is going to need every single one of us. We are the some of the most powerful students at this school, I take that back we are likely the six most powerful students at this school."

When she saw the surprised looks on Dan and Jenny's faces she added. "Money isn't everything guys. You are both smart and the teachers love you. Plus Dan you are dating Serena which is like automatic immunity and Jenny you are my friend and people don't mess with that either, except maybe Penelope and Hazel but they shouldn't be a problem. So right now our best form of offense is just going to be showing everyone that we are standing by Nate no matter what happens. We aren't going to come out attacking the post, we aren't going to hide either though. We let this mess run its course and we support Nate. Okay I think that's all I have to say." Blair said at the end of her rather long monologue.

Jenny was the next to speak. "I feel like we are suppose to add like a 'one for all and all for one' at the end of that." She said jokingly.

Chuck couldn't help but retort. "Yeah or we could be less gay and not." What could he say, he was a little grouchy when he hadn't slept.

Blair glared at Chuck until he raised his hands in surrender once more. "I'm just kidding Waldorf." Then he looked at Jenny. "Sorry I wasn't trying to be an ass. Not really at least."

Jenny laughed. "It's fine guys. I was just kidding."

Blair was alarmed when she looked at her phone and saw the time. "Shit, look at what time it is guys. We only have ten minutes before class. We should probably get back over to the school. Is everyone ready?"

Nate interrupted the chorus of yes's and nods to say. "Wait a second guys. I just wanted to say thank you, to all of you. You don't have to do this, I wouldn't blame you. I have been awful to you guys recently. Some of you have every right to hate me." Nate added looking at Jenny. "So I just wanted to say thanks."

Jenny gave him a small smile and everyone again added their own little comment from Chuck's "Man you're my brother, where else would I be." To Serena, "You guys were there for me last spring when you weren't even on speaking terms with each other. To Blair, "Of course we are going to be here. We're the Non-Judging Breakfast Club."

"Come on guys we better go." Blair said as class time got even closer. "The last thing we want right now is to be late and draw even more attention to ourselves."

As everyone began to walk across the street, Jenny placed a hand on Nate's arm. "Walk with me." She said in a soft voice.

Nate was surprised but he slowed to match her step.

"So, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not mad anymore, and I don't hate you for what happened. The first time I was tipsy and you were upset and the second time was almost as much my fault as it was yours. I let you kiss me. But like Blair said, I'm here for you just like everyone else. I know that you are going through a lot right now."

Nate immediately pulled Jenny into a hug. "Thank you Jen. I don't deserve it but thank you."

Blair glanced back to see Jenny and Nate hugging and couldn't help but smile before shooting a slight glare at each of them. They would be perfect together in time, but she couldn't encourage a relationship right now, they both had to do a little healing first.

By this time they had reached the courtyard of the school. Normally this late before class it would have been empty but it was obvious that they were all waiting a certain someone to show up. The noise volume of the surrounding group of students was rising by the minute. Blair could pick up on certain common phrases.

"I wonder if its true."

"Maybe he slept with Penelope for money"

"I heard that he's been living under a bridge in Central Park."

"How could he sleep with Penelope and not me."

"Haha, the Archibald's are broke."

"You know it's true, Gossip Girl is never wrong."

But through all of the talking, not one of the group reacted. They just kept walking. If anyone said a comment directly aimed for them to here it, Blair would raise her eyebrows and smirk in a 'are you really sure you want to say that in front of me' kind of way.

They group survived the gauntlet and as they were about to head to their separate schools, Blair added one last thing for Chuck's ears alone. "Keep a close eye on Nate, he is a lot more fragile than he seems and if this ends poorly, he may lose all the progress that he has made the last few days." Chuck nodded before following the other two guys into St. Jude's.

Blair then turned towards Jenny. "J, you still have feelings for Nate don't you?"

Jenny blushed furiously and nodded. "Are you mad, because if you want me to stay away from him I will."

Blair smiled, "No, J it's fine I am only worried about you. Don't jump in with Nate too fast. You know what he is going through right now and you can be there for him emotionally without being there for him romantically. I don't want you getting hurt. But once this is all over, I will be completely supportive of you guys."

Jenny grabbed Blair and hugged her. "Thanks B."

Blair smiled, "Come on, we're going to be late."

Serena watched the exchange with a little jealousy. She envied the closeness that she was seeing between Jenny and Blair, she and Blair hadn't been like that in a long time and she couldn't help but be a little envious of Jenny at that moment.

**Spotted: The Non-Judging Breakfast Club's membership has expanded from B, N, S, and C to include not so Little J and not so lonely boy D. How very curious. B and C appear to be friends again. What a shame, was I the only one rooting for that evil alliance to stick? Speaking of relationships, S and D had a little tiff this morning but they appear to have sorted things out and do I see romance on the horizon for N and J, maybe so, only time will tell. In the meanwhile, it seems as though B and J's friendship is in it for the long haul, and S looks positively green with envy. Careful S, green really isn't your color. But what of V, we haven't seen Punky Bruster since the Hamptons, is she out of our story for good? I think not, from what I hear she is making a very dangerous change in schools. Cardigan anyone?**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl **

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The bell to begin first period hadn't even rang yet when the assaults started.

"Damn Archibald, you fuck sluts like Penelope and you're broke, I always knew I was better than you." It was Jasper Whitney, he claimed his family was some racing horse legacy or something. Nate's anger flared and he was about to respond when he heard Chuck's voice.

"Really Jasper, Nate is of a caliber you could never dream of. I mean honestly I hear you are the only guy Penelope's ever turned down." Chuck said enticing Jasper intentionally leading him into a trap.

Jasper took the bait. "That's not true I fucked her last month, just ask." It took Jasper a moment to realize exactly what he had just said. As the whole room of boys burst into laughter and Chuck smirked. "I didn't . . . I . . . Only meant . . ." Jasper tried to get out before turning around and shutting his mouth.

Nate turned to Chuck. "I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately but thanks man."

"Anytime Nathaniel, anytime." Chuck said before sitting down in the seat next to Nathaniel.

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Blair was walking down the hall when she passed Penelope and Hazel talking loudly. "You know without money Nate has absolutely nothing going for him." Penelope said.

Hazel replied, making sure Blair could hear her. "That whole little clique is just a sinking ship of sluts like Serena, Blair, and Chuck and poor kids like Nate, Jenny, and Dan."

Blair's head snapped around. "Didn't I already deal with you girls yesterday? I thought you learned your lesson, I have power and you don't. I am about to be a Duchess," Blair said holding up her hand with Marcus's ring on it. She figured she might as well get some use out of this while she could. "And what are you going to be, trophy wives whose husbands cheat on them with high school girls just like you are now. Nate is worth more than the two of you put together and so are the rest of my group of sluts and destitutes."

Hazel and Penny's eyes both widened before they turned and walked the opposite direction. Blair rolled her eyes and moved on. This was going to be a long day.

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Dan was waiting outside of Nate's 2nd period when it was over, they had 3rd together so he showed up to walk with Nate. He had had free period and left a little early in order to make it to Nate's class and he wasn't sure why he did it. Maybe it was because these people had included him in their group, maybe because he understood what it was like to be at this school and not have any money, he wasn't sure. He just knew that he was taking the job of protecting Nate seriously. He may not carry the clout with the other students that Chuck, Blair, Serena, and even Jenny did, but Dan was smart and he was plenty prepared.

Nate was more than surprised to find Dan waiting for him outside of his classroom like a body guard. He just shook his head. "You guys are good you know that." Nate couldn't help but chuckle. "With the exception of that class, I haven't been alone yet today.

Dan smiled. "That's our job." But he couldn't help but laugh too.

They were walking down the hall talking about nothing unparticular when Sebastian Duke came up behind Nate and pushed him. "I never did like you much Archibald, and now I know why. You are pathetic."

Nate jerked around ready to take a swing at him when Dan stepped in . " That wasn't a very classy move, but what can you expect from new money. You're family has nothing on the Vanderbilt's, who date back how many generations of wealth and power Nate, like 30 or something." Nate nodded. " Talk about pathetic Duke, you should probably check the stock in Duke power, it's down a little low today, I think I might have heard the word bankruptcy mentioned on the news this morning."

As Dan uttered that last sentence he saw Duke's face blanch. "Oh did you not want anyone to know that? Sorry man." Dan said before stepping around Duke in the hallway.

Nate was right on Dan's heels. "Dude, that was scary, you just reminded me of Blair."

Dan couldn't help but laugh, "Of course I did, I learned from her."

"I never thought I would be saying this Dan, but thanks."

"Not an issue Nate."

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Blair hadn't paid any attention to the hint in the Gossip Girl message that Vanessa was coming to Constance until that day at lunch. They had decided to eat inside with the guys because it was pouring the rain. That was when Blair saw her, Vanessa was in the lunch line. Blair's mouth dropped open and suddenly everything clicked. She turned toward Nate who was sitting at her right. "Did Vanessa know about your money situation?"

Nate looked at Blair, then behind her where Vanessa was standing in line. "Yeah, I mean we were dating when it happened."

Blair's eyes lit up. "That little Bohemian bitch did this and she is going to pay for it. Showing up at Constance is one thing, whatever that would have drawn some serious heat from me in the first place but she is the only one who could have done this Nate and trust me she is going to regret it. Coming here though, that's a challenge, one I am all too willing to meet."

The rest of the table just looked at Blair as she plotted. Chuck smirked, Blair was in a league all her own when it came to this sort of thing and he was just going to let her take point on this one.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Lunch was almost over when Serena saw Vanessa heading out of the cafeteria. She excused herself muttering something about having to finish an assignment and followed Vanessa. Once in the hallway she yelled. "Vanessa hey wait up."

"Oh hey Serena" Vanessa said turning around.

Serena glanced behind her. "Look I can't talk long. I'm just here to warn you. Blair thinks that you sent the blast about Nate's money problems and she's coming after you, full force."

"Whoa, Blair thinks I did that? I would never do that to Nate. But wait, why are you telling me this isn't Blair your best friend?" Vanessa asked, suspicious of Serena's motives.

"She use to be but now it's Blair and Jenny, or Blair and Chuck, or Blair and Nate, or hell even Blair and Dan." Serena said, obviously angry about Blair's lack of attention.

"I'm sorry things are weird with you guys, but that still doesn't explain why you are warning me and why you don't think it was me in the first place." Vanessa said, still questioning.

Serena couldn't help but laugh. But the laugh didn't sound normal. It was a dark laugh. Serena lowered her voice and leaned toward Vanessa. "Silly girl haven't you figured it out yet? It was me." Serena said before turning and leaving Vanessa there in the hallway, shell shocked.

**Surprises abound on the UES, who's on which side now? I can't even keep up these days. But either way, its time to draw those battle lines kids. There's a war to be fought.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl **

**AN: I hope you all liked it, if you did let me know :). **


	22. Secrets, Scandals, and Sabotage

**A/N: I've been stuck in airports for the past day or so, so I have had quite a bit of time to write. So here's the next installment. I hope you enjoy and as always reviews are very much appreciated. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

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_What the hell? _Vanessa was still standing there in the hallway outside the cafeteria. Had Serena just said what she thought she had. That was insane, no that was beyond insane. Serena Van der Woodson had just warned her that Blair was going to come after her because Serena had told Gossip Girl that Nate's family was poor and Blair thought it was Vanessa. WTF that was crazy even for the UES.

Nate had secured the scholarship to Constance for her back when they were still together. He had wanted her to come here so he could see more of her but then they had broken up. She had gotten the scholarship though and the art program here was so good that she couldn't possibly resist. So she decided to come anyway, plus Nate was here and if coming here let her see more of him so be it. Vanessa definitely still wanted him back. Now it seemed as though she was going to be dealing with a slightly psycho Serena and a pissed off Blair. Oh yes, it was a wonderful decision to come to Constance.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Blair walked into her 5th Period English class to find no other than Vanessa sitting right next to her usual desk. Blair walked right by her and casually knocked Vanessa's books off. "Whoops." Blair said sliding into her usual seat.

"No problem Blair." Vanessa said, trying her best to keep the animosity out of her voice. She was about to have to have a serious conversation with Blair Waldorf and she didn't particularly want to start it off fighting. "I know what you think I did Blair and I just wanted you to know that I didn't." Vanessa said, she really didn't want to start blaming Serena either though because then Blair would really just think that she was making up stuff.

Blair narrowed her eyes. "You were the only one who knew other than Chuck." Blair added in a more subdued voice. "I didn't even know until this morning."

"Blair I'm still in love with Nate. I wouldn't do that to him." Vanessa wasn't about to bow down and kiss Blair Waldorf's feet but she really didn't want to challenge her either.

Blair scoffed and turned up her nose. "I don't know what Nate was thinking getting involved with someone like you." At this point Blair had turned away from Vanessa to face the front of the room. She didn't care what the girl was saying, Blair didn't believe a word coming from her mouth.

"What's that suppose to mean, Blair?" Vanessa said. She was trying desperately not to get angry. She knew from experience that that was not the best way to deal with Blair Waldorf.

Blair turned her head just slightly towards Vanessa. "You know very well what I mean. You are nothing more than Brooklyn trash, you don't belong in our world Vanessa and the sooner you figure that out, the better."

Vanessa gritted her teeth. "I may not be like you Blair. I may not have the money, the clothes, or the Upper East Side address but I'm not someone that you can just push out of your way or ignore and I'm telling you that I didn't send the Gossip Girl blast."

Blair tried not to be intrigued by what Vanessa was saying but she couldn't help but be a little curious. That girl stood up to her in a way very few did. So she found herself angling herself in Vanessa's direction once more.

Vanessa was a little motivated by Blair's apparent interest and kept going. "I would suggest re-evaluating your options for who might have known and going from there. It's amazing what a little jealousy can do to motivate someone to act in ways that they would have never thought possible before."

Class was starting and Blair turned back to the front of the room but she couldn't help but think about what Vanessa had said. What if it hadn't been Vanessa? Who else might have known?

Vanessa could tell that Blair was thinking it over and as much as she disliked the girl she knew that Blair was smart. If anyone could figure it out, it was Blair.

**Spotted: C defending N to JW, surprise surprise not, B knocking H and P down another couple of pegs, another non surprise, then we have Not-So-Lonely Boy Dan Humphrey dissing SD in a very Queen B like manor, way to go D, we didn't know you had it in you. S and V seen conversing in the hallway, then B and V in 5th period. V sure is getting a lot of attention from the it group her first day at Constance.**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the day had gone off without many more problems. Everyone defended Nate when necessary but other than that, everything was going pretty much like a normal day on the UES; other than the strange appearance of love notes in Nate's locker. There had been several. Some with offers of money for a date and others just saying that they would love to get to know him better. Apparently, there were some girls at Constance who were more than willing to deal with Nate drama if they thought they had a chance with him.

"Hey Blair, wait up!" Nate yelled as he came down the stairs of St. Jude's, "You have to look at this one." Nate said, handing Blair a note. She had read several throughout the day. Most were just humorous but she could tell that this one was serious.

_Nate,_

_I wanted you to know how much I still care about you. We've been through a lot and I think _

_that we still have a real shot at having a future. I forgive you for everything that's happened between us, I know that we were just caught up in our feelings. I promise I don't hate you, all I want is for us to have a real chance to be together. All my love._

"It's not signed." Blair stated matter-of-factly. "Do you know who sent it?"

"It has to be Jenny don't you think? I mean who else would have to forgive me for something?" Nate said, fairly confident in his answer.

Nate seemed sure but Blair wasn't, "I don't know Nate, I mean it doesn't read like something Jenny would write. Plus, it isn't always what you think needs forgiving, sometimes you have to forgive people for things that they don't even know they have done. I mean what if it's Penelope saying she forgives you for what happened behind the school, or Vanessa forgiving you for breaking up with her, and didn't you fight with Serena last night?"

"Honestly Blair, Serena?" Nate said disbelievingly. Blair was the smartest girl he knew, maybe the smartest person he knew period but sometimes she let her mind run away with her.

Blair rolled her eyes. "I didn't really mean Serena and probably not Vanessa either, I was just using some examples of things that an injured party might find needed forgiveness."

Nate just kept shaking his head. "I just have a feeling that its Jen, Blair."

Blair pursed her lips, she wanted to say something but she didn't want to crush Nate's hopes. He obviously wanted Jenny to be the one who sent the note, but she highly doubted that Jenny would start pursuing Nate already when Blair had suggested that it was too soon. She decided that she better just go ahead and say it. "Or maybe you just want it to be Jenny."

Nate narrowed his eyes at Blair, "Why can't you just let me be happy for ten minutes Blair?"

Blair reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "Nate, you know I want you to be happy. Think back over the past few days, what have I done to make you think that I don't simply want your utmost happiness?"

Nate's eyes softened. "I'm sorry B, I was just so excited about the note, I really think that Jen and I have a shot together."

Blair smiled a big smile. "For the record, I think you do too. I just didn't want you thinking that there was already more than there is. You guys need to take things slow."

At that point, they both saw Jenny exit Constance. Blair waved and Nate smiled. "Go" Blair said pushing Nate towards Jenny.

Nate turned back and smiled. "I love you B."

Blair rolled her eyes. "You too, Archibald."

As Blair watched Nate walk over to Jenny she was now ready to focus on herself for today, she was anxious beyond belief for the day to end because she and Chuck had a date for tonight, their very first. He was picking her up in the limo and everything. So as Blair exited the school, she waved to Jenny and nodded at Nate who was nearby. For once she wasn't worried about Nate because she knew that Jenny would take care of him, she was just excited to get home and start getting ready.

Blair smirked at Chuck as she saw him standing by his limo and he smirked back. They passed each other as he was starting to get in and she let her fingers brush through his. It was their special way of saying 'See you later.' Chuck usually took her home but today she felt like walking, plus Chuck had mentioned that he had some stuff he needed to take care of this afternoon if they were going out tonight. So Blair was leaving him to that and choosing to walk the few blocks to her home instead.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Serena didn't wait for Dan at their usual spot that day after school. She needed time to think, there was too much going on inside her head and she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. But that didn't stop her from looking around as she was heading out from the school. She scanned the masses of students, girls giggling and guys getting ready to head out for sports practice of some sort. She saw Blair and Nate talking then Jenny came out and Blair waved to her. Serena couldn't help but narrow her eyes. Blair didn't even seem to notice her as she walked down the stairs yet she was waving to Jenny across the courtyard. Then Blair nodded at Nate and Nate and Jenny left together. Since when were Jenny and Nate so close, weren't they suppose to hate each other after what happened last weekend. And Blair, Blair was so absorbed in Chuck that she didn't even realize how Serena felt. When had this happened, when had she lost her best friends to Jenny Humphrey and Chuck Bass. Serena just wanted things back to normal, back to how they were suppose to be, when Blair was her best friend, when Nate adored her, when she was happy. Suddenly one day she woke up to find that it was gone, all of it. That's why she took out her phone and snapped the picture of Blair and Chuck's obvious flirting in the courtyard and that's why she sent it to Gossip Girl. Serena had already sent the tip about Nate, now Blair and Chuck, she was willing to do whatever it took to get her friends back.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Vanessa watched as Serena exited the school, watched as she snapped the picture of Chuck and Blair, and watched her send it to Gossip Girl. She had no clue what was going on with Serena. Why was she sabotaging her friends like this. Vanessa knew it wasn't her business but she couldn't help but get involved because with Serena acting like this Nate was going to get hurt. Vanessa was in love with Nate as ever, she had even left him a note in his locker today, telling him that she wanted to be with him, she hadn't signed it though because she figured that he would know it was her. So yeah she wanted Nate back but she also wanted him to be happy and with Serena making random attacks on him she had no clue what was going to happen next. That's why she picked up her phone and called the first number on her speed dial. "Dan hey, can we meet? It's about Serena."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

At the same time, Jenny was walking with Nate towards the subway stop. He couldn't exactly afford the town car anymore and he thought that if Jenny was riding the subway to Eleanor's office he might as well ride it the stop or two to his brownstone.

Jenny couldn't help but notice that as they walked Nate was walking very close to her. His arm occasionally brushing hers. Their fingers grazing one another's casually as they walked. Jenny couldn't help but day dream just a little of the possibility that just maybe something could happen between them, maybe they could be a couple, maybe Nate had real feelings for her, as Blair thought he did.

"Thank you Jen." Nate said, suddenly breaking through her revere. He had wanted to say something earlier, no matter what Blair had said to warn him, he still thought that the note was from her.

Jenny turned her head to study him. "For walking you to the subway stop?" Jenny said almost laughing.

Nate couldn't help but laugh as well, he hadn't phrased his thank you well. He bumped her shoulder gently and she could feel his breath on her cheek as Nate said, "No, I mean, thank you for not hating me for what I did to you." He figured that would clue her in to what he was talking about, it was straight from her note after all.

Jenny's breath caught in her throat. Nate's proximity was almost too much for her to take and when she spoke it was in a breathy voice. "You already thanked me for that this morning Nate."

By this point they had stopped walking and were standing by the subway station entrance. "I know Jen, it's just that I feel like I can never thank you enough for that, especially for today."

It was obvious in that moment that they both wanted to kiss each other. The tension in the air was so thick but just as they started to move closer both bounced back as if they were shocked. They couldn't do this, Blair was right, both of them needed more time. Jenny turned and started heading down the subway stairs but turned back when she realized that Nate wasn't behind her. "Aren't you coming?" she asked trying to keep her voice normal.

"Actually, I think I'll just walk." Nate didn't trust himself at that moment not to pull her into a dark corner and kiss her and he knew that right now that was not a good idea, so he thought it best to stay away from her for now, regardless of the fact that she had basically confirmed his suspicions about the note if not directly.

Jenny was disappointed but at the same time she knew that it was better for them not to be near each other right now so she nodded and went on down the stairs.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

As Chuck rode in his limo, he made phone call after phone call, checking in with his various PI's seeing if any of them had found anything on Marcus yet. "Damn it Paul, you are the best guy I've got and all you can tell me is that he got ticketed last year for participating in a automobile race. I need something real, something concrete against this guy and if you don't find something for me I will make sure you never work again." Chuck said angrily before snapping his phone shut. He couldn't believe it, there was absolutely nothing on Marcus out there. He had in his employment the best PI's in the world yet no one could find anything at all. But he pushed these thoughts from his head, he would have them keep looking and he would do some digging on his own, but for now he had a date to get ready for.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Blair tapped her foot impatiently waiting on the elevator doors to open; she had a lot to do to get ready for her date tonight. But when the elevator door opened she almost passed out.

"Hey baby, I missed you." Marcus said a huge smile on his face

_Last night_

_Marcus sat on his dorm bed, typing a paper on his laptop but all he could think about was how much he didn't want to be there. How much he would rather be in New York City. Wait, New York, that didn't make sense he was suppose to want to be in England. But he didn't have much time to think about it as his roommate Mason came barging through the door. _

_"Marcus man, come on, lets go party, you know DKE wants us both to pledge and even if we don't we might as well hit up the parties while we can." _

_Marcus had considered returning to his alias as James but then he decided there wasn't much point anymore, he was only going to be there for a couple months, then he was going to be headed back to England a married man. He however was more than happy to go party, he couldn't stand being cooped up in this dorm room writing a bloody party any longer. "Let me grab my jacket."_

_"That's what I'm talking about." Mason added as they hurried out the door. _

_Once at the party Marcus just couldn't seem to have any fun. But Mason was determined to change that, "C'mon man, look at all these hot chicks. I bet you could hook up with anyone of them." However, Marcus just shrugged. Mason was undeterred. "Hey man, look at that girl in the corner, the one in the black top."_

_Marcus looked but his distaste was obvious. "Too trashy, I like my girls with some class."_

_Mason was determined to help his roomie get some action tonight so he kept looking. "Okay then, how about the girl on the couch. She looks classy."_

_Again Marcus looked but the girl hardly piqued his interest. "Too blonde. I like my girls with chocolate curls, dark warm brown eyes that sparkle when she smiles and turn fiery when she's angry, full red lips that look constantly kissable, looks fragile at first but at the same time you know that she can hold her own and an air about her that screams 'Yeah I'm a bitch, do you have something to say about it' and that girl meets none of those specifications."_

_Mason looked around and didn't see a single girl that fell into Marcus's categories. "Dude, don't you think that's a little specific, it sounds to me like you have a particular girl in mind."_

_Marcus hadn't even noticed until Mason said something but he had definitely just describe a particular girl, he had described Blair Waldorf. "Damn it all to bloody hell." Marcus cursed under his breath. Fuck it, how had this happened, when did Blair Waldorf become all he could think about. Shit, damn, fuck, he didn't want to be at this party, he didn't even want to be at fucking Yale, he didn't want to be anywhere that Blair Waldorf wasn't, damn it he had fallen for the bloody girl._

_Mason was more than confused. "Umm, dude, why don't you just forget about whoever she is and hook up with one of these girls, one night stands don't need to be ideal, you know."_

_Marcus snapped. "Dude, why don't you stop calling me dude and mind your own fucking business." Mason looked startled. "You know what, I'm outta here. Don't expect to see me again." Marcus left the house and immediately dialed his assistant. He was done with this little trip to Yale, he was going back to the city, immediately.  
_

"What are you doing here Marcus? Aren't you suppose to be at Yale or did you flunk out already? Money and nobility can by you a lot of things but intelligence isn't one of them." Blair said stepping into the foyer. She certainly wasn't happy to see him, there would be no date for her and Chuck tonight.

Marcus sauntered up to Blair. "So I guess it's safe to say you didn't miss me. But just so you know, I didn't flunk out of Yale, I simply decided there was no point in going to school there for a month or so only to leave and transfer back to Oxford. So I just came back to New York."

Blair's jaw clenched, damn it, this was going to complicate things. Marcus was going to be in New York, she and Chuck weren't even going to have a chance to be together. "Whatever." Blair said brushing past him and moving towards the staircase.

Marcus couldn't deny that her dismissal made his stomach drop but he had time, he was going to be seeing her everyday until their wedding. He could make her see that he was right for her. "Okay Blair, you can be that way if you want but our wedding date is quickly approaching. Today's September 19th, our wedding is going to be November 16th, the day before your birthday, that's less than two months Blair so you better start getting used to me."

Blair didn't stop on her route to her bedroom. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Leave it to Marcus to screw everything up, then taunt her about it. She went strait to the bathroom where she jammed her fingers down her throat and threw up everything she was feeling.

She could barely see through the tears streaming down her face to dial Chuck's number. The second she heard his voice she whispered into the phone, "Chuck I need you. But be careful, Marcus is here."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Serena was walking in Central Park, thinking about everything that was happening. She couldn't help but wonder why Gossip Girl hadn't posted anything about the picture she had sent of Chuck and Blair yet. She was still thinking when she heard '_All the eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a Circus. When I crack that whip everybody gonna trip just like a Circus.'_ It was her cell phone blaring Britney Spears's new hit Circus. She thought about not answering but when she saw that it was Dan she decided she might as well. He was the one constant in her life recently. "Dan, hey."

"Serena we need to talk."

**Attention UES, N and J were seen getting up close and personal next to the subway stop on 5th and S wandering around Central Park by herself. On another note, our dashing Lord Marcus is back and B doesn't look too happy about it. Having second thoughts B?**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**


	23. Disaster Zone

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:**

**Okay guys here's the deal. I have about seven more chapters left of this storyline the way I currently have it set up. I can end the story there or I can modify the current ending a little and keep the story going. So this time I'm not asking for reviews (if you want to review go right ahead I always love getting them :) ) but I am asking everyone who reads this if they think I should start a new storyline instead of ending it, end the story, or finish this story and write a sequel of sorts. Please, Please, Please, let me know what you think. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

____________________________________________________________________________________

Blair's words echoed through Chuck's head as he yelled at the limo driver to go faster,_ I need you_, _Marcus is here_,_ I need you_, _Marcus_ _here, need you_. Damn it. He slammed his fist against the car window. Blair had been doing so well, but he knew what this meant, this meant that she had slipped, it meant that she had made herself sick again. What the fuck was Marcus doing back anyway? Wasn't he suppose to be off at Yale?

He felt like they were getting stopped at every single stop light in the city; the traffic so jammed that it was taking half an hour every block. Damn the Palace, where Chuck had been when he got Blair's call, for being located on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, damn Blair for being old money and living on the Upper East Side to begin with, and damn his father for being new money. The way it was going it was going to be hours before he reached Blair, there were still at least twelve more blocks before her house and Blair needed him right then; so, he buzzed up to the driver to tell him to keep working his way towards her apartment and he got out of the limo.

At first Chuck just walked briskly but soon the urgency and desperation in her voice got to him and he started running. Dodging people on the sidewalk was a challenge to say the least, but as he got closer to the Upper East Side, the crowds thinned out. He didn't run, for anyone. Except apparently Blair, and he had a feeling that if she needed him he would run a marathon for her.

Chuck was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost passed Blair's apartment. But he looked up just in time to see Marcus leaving and from what he heard Marcus tell the bellman, he wouldn't be back tonight. Without Marcus to worry about, Chuck was free to go into Blair's building without fear of being seen.

All of the doormen knew Chuck well, most tipping their hats in his direction as he made a beeline for the elevator. The bellman at the elevator took one look at Chuck and knew why he was here. He had worked at this building several years and had been called to bring room service to the penthouse for Ms. Waldorf a few too many times before the subsequent arrival of Ms. Van der Woodson and in the past year Mr. Bass only an hour or so later to not realize what was going on. It was a shame that Ms. Waldorf did this to herself; but, it was no wonder considering the girl's father leaving and her mother never being home, poor thing. However, he couldn't help but wonder what Mr. Bass was doing here when Ms. Waldorf was supposed to be engaged, and hadn't her fiancé just left? Hmm . . . The Waldorf penthouse seems to be having quite the interesting day.

Chuck tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the elevator. This was taking too long, he needed to get to Blair quickly. Chuck turned to the bellman, "Do you know what's taking the elevator so long?"

The bellman knew it must be bad if Chuck was this impatient to get up there. "Sir, I believe a family is moving out on one of the floors above us and it seems as though they are occupying the elevators." The bellman heard Chuck curse under his breath and spoke without even thinking. "Mr. Bass, follow me."

Chuck was a little startled at first but this bellman had always been good to him in the past. Chuck had a feeling that this guy had some suspicions about Blair's problem and he had always seemed to go out of his way to be nice to Chuck when he was here. So Chuck followed him back behind the employee desk and even though he knew the man must be helping him out he couldn't help but ask. "Sir, where are we going?"

"Employee elevator." The bellman said quickly as they came to the elevator door. "Get in Mr. Bass. It will take you straight to the Ms. Waldorf's floor." he said pressing a button. "But please don't get caught, I would rather not lose my job."

Chuck was perplexed at why this bellman was being so nice and he snuck a quick peek at the man's name nag before speaking. "Thank you Mr. Jamison and in the case that you do get fired, you will always have a job at the Palace Hotel."

As the doors closed Mr. Jamison tipped his hat.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Serena had agreed to meet Dan at his father's art gallery. There was nothing going on there tonight so it should be deserted. She walked in to find Dan sitting on one of the bar stools looking disappointed and Serena knew instantly that his disappointment had to do with her. She hated how judgmental Dan could be. That had been one of their problems all along. "What is it Dan?" Serena asked crossing her arms.

"How could you do that to Nate? You two have been friends since you were kids, yet you threw him under the bus for no apparent reason? And you would have done it Chuck and Blair too if it weren't for Jenny. Who are you anymore?" Dan said to a defiant Serena.

"What do you mean 'if it weren't for Jenny'?" Serena said, the question in her eyes obvious.

Dan clinched his eyes shut. Damn it, Serena didn't know about the deal with Gossip Girl. Now he was going to have to tell her and the way this conversation was going he could tell that she wasn't going to like it. He reopened his eyes to Serena standing there looking very Blair like, tapping her foot and everything and that was beyond scary. "Jenny is the one that told Gossip Girl about Nate and Penelope. He confessed to her while she was working on an art project that involved a video camera. So she gave the footage to Gossip Girl in exchange for Gossip Girl agreeing not to post anything on Chuck and Blair's relationship." Serena's eyes were wide at this. "I honestly thought you knew, I hadn't thought everything through or I would have realized that you didn't. I figured Blair would have told you."

"Who all knows this?" Serena asked, the anger apparent in her voice.

Dan knew at this point lying would get him no where. "Blair, Chuck, and Jenny obviously, then Chuck told me today and Nate was there, so him too."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Serena screamed "And no one thought to tell me?"

"Serena, I already told you, I thought you knew. But this doesn't change the fact that what you did to Nate and what you tried to do to Chuck and Blair, was wrong. Not just wrong, it was malicious. They are your friends and they didn't deserve it."

"You've been included in our little group for all of, I don't know 12 hours Dan, yet you are siding with them over me, when we've been together for over a year now." Serena stated in a biting tone.

Dan couldn't help but snap back at her. "Yeah Serena and what does that say about you? Huh? I've been a better friend to them in the past twelve hours than you have your entire life."

"None of this is your business!" Serena raged.

"Serena, it is my business if it has to do with you. You're my girlfriend and I love you." Dan said trying to rid himself of the judgmental tone.

Serena walked up to Dan, he actually thought that she was going to smack him but instead she wrapped her arms around him and said. "I love you too."

____________________________________________________________________________________

Chuck was surprised at how quickly the employee elevator moved, before he knew it was opening in the kitchen of the Waldorf penthouse. Dorota was standing in the kitchen fixing what looked like hot tea when Chuck appeared from the service entrance. She jumped, almost spilling the tea and looking quite startled until she realized that it was Chuck. "Oh Mister Chuck. You scared Dorota but is good you are here, Ms. Blair need you. Here take tea up to her." Dorota said placing the tea mug into Chuck's hands.

Chuck immediately went upstairs. Chuck knocked on her bedroom door and said softly. "Blair. Blair." When there was no response Chuck continued in assuming that Blair was still in the bathroom. Her room was immaculate as ever, she was always the perfectionist. But Chuck moved quickly to the bathroom door; where he placed his ear to the door. He could hear Blair sobbing on the other side of the door which relieved him a little, at least she was conscious. So he knocked first. "Blair, is it okay if I come in?" Chuck asked as he turned the door knob, or at least attempted to, it was locked.

He heard Blair gasp on the other side and a strangled version of her voice say. "Chuck, I need you."

Shit she sounded awful, thought Chuck, he was going to kill Marcus. "Blair, you are going to have to unlock the door or I can't come in." After a moment Chuck heard the lock click but he waited a minute before saying. "Okay Blair, I'm coming in" as he opened the door.

_**She loves her mama's lemonade,**_

_**Hates the sounds that goodbyes make.**_

_**She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.**_

The sight before his eyes frightened him. Chuck couldn't help but think that Blair had been messier this time, like she hadn't prepared for this like she normally did. Usually she laid a towel on the floor for her knees, wore a bathrobe or something more comfortable just in case she got it on herself, which she definitely had this time, and she usually pulled her hair back. But this time, Blair was on the floor of the bathroom, the jacket she had worn to school near the door, the headband in her hair was skewed, her skirt up almost around her waist, her face covered with makeup that had fun down with her tears, Blair Waldorf was a mess. But even then Chuck thought she looked beautiful

_**She swears that there's no difference,**_

_**Between the lies and complements.**_

_**It's all the same if everybody leaves her.**_

Chuck got down on his knees in front of Blair, bent over and placed his hands on either side of her face. Chuck placed a kiss on her forehead before gently reaching up and removing her headband. Blair didn't even move as Chuck brushed back her hair. Chuck stood up for a moment, got a wash cloth from the cabinet under the sink and wet it before getting back on the ground with Blair. He used it to wipe off her face. Cleaning off the makeup, the tears, everything.

_**And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,**_

_**The pictures that she sees make her cry.**_

Chuck then placed kisses on each of her cheeks, then her mouth, along her jaw, and down to her neck; where he continued placing soft gentle kisses until he reached the collar of her shirt. He took off her shirt, button by button, kissing down Blair's chest with each button he undid. Chuck pushed the blouse off her shoulders and took it off her arms.

_**And she would change everything, everything just ask her.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,**_

_**And she just needs someone to take her home.**_

Chuck then moved down to her feet, he removed her shoes one at her time, kissing each one of her feet. Blair was normally ticklish and that would have made her giggle, but not this time. Chuck stood up and rolled up his sleeves then walked over to the bath tub where he started a hot bath. He poured some of Blair's favorite bath stuff in before moving back and helping her stand.

_**She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant, **_

_**Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.**_

Chuck bent down and pulled down her skirt before pulling down her La Perla underwear. He then reached up and unfastened her perfectly matching bra, before helping her step into the bath.

"Blair, how's the water? Is it too hot?" Chuck asked gently. Most people didn't know he could be like this. Hell he didn't even know that he could be like this until he was with Blair, until she needed taking care of.

_**She never stays the same for long ,**_

_**Assuming that she'll get it wrong.**_

_**Perfect only in her imperfection.**_

Blair shook her head and opened her mouth to speak.

"You don't need to say anything Blair." Chuck said, kneeling by the tub.

"Yes, I do." She whispered.

_**She's not a drama queen, **_

_**She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired.**_

"I need to say thank you Chuck. Thank you for being here, thank you for loving me even when I don't deserve it."

_**She would change everything for happy ever after.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,**_

_**But she just needs someone to take her home.**_

Chuck was smiling a soft smile until Blair said she didn't deserve his love. Then Chuck's smile instantly fell from his face. He seemed angry even. "Never say that again Blair. Never say that you don't deserve my love."

_**Cuz she's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's okay.**_

"No you're not perfect; but, you're perfect for me. No you're not the most beautiful girl in the world; but you're the most beautiful girl in my world. You are everything anyone could ever want. If anything, I don't deserve your love." Chuck paused for a moment, taking in Blair's face, shocked at his outburst. She sat up as he continued talking.

_**And she would change everything, everything just ask her.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster**_

"You are the only reason that I am someone worth loving Blair. You know who I was before you, you know the kind of things I did back then. I've changed because I love you. You know me Blair, like no one knows me. Without you Blair, I am nothing." Chuck annunciated the last three words before leaning in and kissing Blair.

_**And she would change everything for happy ever after.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster**_

Blair kissed him back, forcefully, a lot more so than Chuck expected in her current condition. So Chuck pulled back. "Waldorf, careful, you've had a rough night."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Bass, I'm not going to break." And with that she pulled his face to hers and kissed him.

_**But she just needs someone to take her home.**_

_**Yeah she just needs someone to take her home.**_

____________________________________________________________________________________

After a few moments of holding Serena, Dan pulled back. "So are you ready to talk about why you did it?"

Serena bit her bottom lip before taking a seat on the barstool across from Dan. "It's simple really. I thought that if there was a big enough crisis the group would ban together again to fix it. The Fabulous Four, The Non-Judging Breakfast Club, we would be back to how we use to be. It was always the four of us, so different yet so similar. Blair, Nate's doting girlfriend and my best friend, the perfect, popular girl. Nate, Blair's boyfriend so confused and in love with me, the handsome, golden boy. Chuck, Nate's best friend who was always secretly in love with Blair, the bad boy. Then me, Blair's best friend who also happened to have a thing with her boyfriend, the blonde party girl." Serena looked up at Dan who was listening attentively.

"Last year, after I went away, things changed a lot. We weren't the same people. Blair, was just getting her popularity back after what she did with Chuck. Nate, was dating Vanessa and hated both Chuck and Blair. Chuck, was as in love with Blair as ever, maybe even more so, but he thought that getting his best friend back was more important. As for me, I was a reformed party girl in love with a guy from Brooklyn but my past kept catching up with me. But when I was in crisis, they were all there for me. Everything went back to how it was suppose to. But now, Blair, is best friends with Jenny and dating Chuck but engaged to Marcus. Chuck, is dating Blair and trying to stop the wedding but also back to being Nate's best friend. Nate, is more lost and confused than ever, he wants me to stay away from him, he would rather talk to Blair or be with Jenny. And I am exactly where I was last year only without the past and without a best friend."

"Okay so you wanted things to go back to how they were?" Dan asked.

Serena smiled and looked down. "That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted my friends back and I thought that if there was a crisis, it would bring us all together. Nate told me this summer that his family was having money issues, then the other night he said that the Vanderbilts were taking care of things, so I told Gossip Girl. I created a crisis to bring us back together. But things didn't turn out like I thought." Serena looked back up.

"Blair and Chuck didn't include me in the planning; they included Jenny in my place. Jenny who Nate holds a new fascination for, who Blair finds to be a better friend. No one even noticed I was there and I felt so, so, so alone. I decided that I needed to break up the new alliances. That's why I targeted Chuck and Blair. I would have comforted her, then she would have realized that I was the only one who was always there for her." Serena started crying. "I just wanted things back to normal, that's all I wanted."

Dan got up from his bar stool, walked over to Serena, and held her, before saying. "You're going to have to tell Blair. She needs to know how you felt."

**I'm seeing a lot of tears on the Upper East Side tonight. Why so sad ladies? **

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

____________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed it. This chapter was sad to write but fun too. Please remember to let me know what you think I should do as far as continuing the story.

Song: Beautiful Disaster, Jon McLaughlin


	24. If You Get Sloppy, You Get Caught

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, this one took a while to get written with family here and everything. I hope you enjoy it and as always reviews are very much appreciated.I am also having some serious formatting problems so sorry its messy :(  
**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chuck's first sensation as he awakened was of soft Egyptian Cotton on his naked skin. One would think that after a month he would have gotten used to waking up on it instead of his own silk sheets, used to waking up under her down comforter rather than his sleek silk covering, used to waking up with his head on his her multitude of fluffy pillows rather than the slim couple of pillows on his own bed. But every single morning he still went through the same cycle of realization of where he was; Blair Waldorf's bed. At that realization he smiled, there was no place in the world he would rather be.

The past three weeks had been kind of like a dream and they had absolutely flown by. Chuck had spent every single night at Blair's house. Her mother wasn't home and wouldn't be until right before the wedding and Dorota knew that he was good to Blair so she didn't mind too much. And of course none of Chuck's family cared. They all assumed he was just at his suite in the Palace. Every morning they would go to school together in his limo. After school Blair rode with Chuck to about a block away from wherever she was meeting Marcus and walked the last block. While Blair was with Marcus, Chuck worked with his PI's on finding something on the Lord and when she and Marcus were done with whatever they were doing for the day Blair called Chuck and he showed up, no matter how late. That was their daily routine and it was consistent. It seemed as though everyone else's lives had plateaued as well. Dan and Serena were still together even though Serena had been a little distant as of late. Jenny and Nate were still in the weird space between friendship and a relationship and Nate was still receiving love letters albeit less than he originally did. The most persistent were the anonymous ones. It was like everyone was existing in a time loop. Nothing was changing, every day the same and Chuck didn't mind one bit other than it was slightly omnificent. Like the calm before the storm.

Chuck rolled over and opened his eyes expecting to find Ms. Waldorf next to him and frowned when all he saw were rumpled sheets. Usually he was the first one awake and he preferred it that way. Chuck didn't like to miss one waking moment with Blair. For a minute he thought that he had missed one of his favorite parts of the morning; the private concert that Blair didn't even realize he enjoyed. He couldn't help but remember the first time he had heard Blair sing. It had been the morning after Marcus came back, the first morning he had awakened in Blair's bed.

_Flashback_

_Chuck awakened with Blair's head on his arm. She was sleeping peacefully. Looking at her right then no one would even begin to guess the various horrors in her life. Chuck carefully slid his arm out from under her head and helped ease her head back to the pillow._

_ After showering Chuck came back to find Blair propped up in bed smiling. "Good morning Bass."_

_Chuck still dripping wet smirked an evil smirk._

_Blair recognized it instantly and knew exactly what he had in mind. "Chuck Bass don't you dare." Chuck started moving towards the bed. "No, Chuck, no." But it was too late Chuck had already pounced. He was tickling, kissing, and hugging her all at the same time and it was getting her very wet. "Stop it. Stop it." Blair said in between the gasping and giggling. Finally she struggled free and jumped off the bed and Chuck just lay there; completely exhausted. _

_"Now if you will excuse me, since I'm already wet I'm going to get in the shower." Blair said trying to act mad but failing miserably as she cracked a smile. _

_Chuck continued laying there, thinking about how crazy it was that he and Blair could act like this; a real couple. Who would have ever guessed? That's when he heard what he thought must be the radio. _

**_We were both young, when I first saw you_**

**_I close my eyes and the flashback starts_**

**_I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air  
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns_**

**_See you make your way through the crowd _**

**_And say hello, little did I know_**

_He hadn't noticed a radio in the bathroom before, maybe it was one of those shower radio things and he just hadn't ever seen it. Chuck kept listening, this song was familiar, he had heard it on Blair's i-pod but something sounded different about it. _

**_That you were Romeo _**

**_You were throwing pebbles_**

**_And my daddy said stay away from Juliet_**

**_And I was crying on the staircase _**

**_Begging you please don't go_**

**_And I said_**

**_Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone_**

**_I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run_**

**_You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess_**

**_It's a love story, baby, just say yes_**

_Then he realized, there were no instruments with this version. That must be it, Chuck thought. It's just a live version or something. But even without the instruments something was a little off about it. _

**_So I sneak out to the garden to see you_**

**_We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew_**

**_So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while_**

**_Oh, oh, oh_**

**_'Cause you were Romeo,_**

**_I was a scarlet letter_**

**_And my daddy said stay away from Juliet_**

**_But you were everything to me_**

**_I was begging you please don't go_**

**_And I said_**

**_Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone _**

**_I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run_**

**_You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess_**

**_It's a love story, baby, just say yes_**

**_Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel_**

**_This love is difficult, but it's real_**

**_Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess_**

**_It's a love story, baby, just say yes_**

_That wasn't the right singer either. He was sure of it. The singer for this song had a country twang that Chuck hated, he didn't even know why Blair listened to it but she did and he was sure this singer wasn't the same one. _

**_Oh oh_**

**_I got tired of waiting_**

**_Wondering if you were ever coming around_**

**_My faith in you was fading_**

**_When I met you on the outskirts of town_**

**_And I said_**

**_Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone_**

**_I keep waiting for you but you never come _**

**_Is this in my head, I don't know what to think _**

**_He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring _**

**_And said_**

**_Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone_**

**_I love you and that's all I really know_**

**_I talked ot your dad, go pick out a white dress_**

**_It's a love story, baby, just say yes_**

**_Oh, oh, oh, oh_**

**_'Cause we were both young when I first saw you_**

_Suddenly it hit him. This wasn't the radio or some kind of special recording. It was Blair, singing in the shower and she was good. Better than good, she was amazing. But Chuck knew Blair and if he said anything to her then she would be self conscious of it and he wouldn't get to hear her sing in the mornings any more. So instead he sat there and enjoyed it. She sang the entire time she got ready and as Chuck got ready himself he just listened._

_End Flashback_

Chuck smiled when he heard her start singing, he hadn't missed it after all. Chuck was fairly certain that she wasn't even aware of the fact that she sang loud enough that anyone could hear her and he was sure that she didn't know that he always tuned in.

Chuck had learned two things from her singing though, one that Blair had a beautiful voice, two that he could predict Blair's outlook for the day by what she sang. If it was something like Hate Me by Blue October or Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, he knew that today wasn't going to be a great day; either Blair was in a bad mood or she was going to be seeing a lot of Marcus. If it was one of their songs like Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse or With Me by Sum 41, she was in a very romantic mood. But as much as he enjoyed those days, the best days were the ones that she woke up singing happy songs, like Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna or Beautiful Day by Aerosmith.

**_You'll say, we've got nothing in common_**

**_No common ground to start from_**

**_And we're falling apart_**

**_You'll say, the world has come between us_**

**_Our lives have come between us_**

**_Still I know you just don't care_**

He didn't know this song and as someone who listened to a lot of music that was really uncommon. But it worried him a little that the lyrics were kind of depressing. It sounded as though it was about a couple breaking up with each other. He knew Blair wasn't thinking of ending things but at the same time those kind of lyrics weren't very happy or romantic.

**_And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"_**

**_He said," I think I remember the film_**

**_And as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"_**

**_And I said, "Well that's one thing we've got"_**

Chuck couldn't help but smile when he heard the chorus. Breakfast at Tiffany's was Blair's favorite movie and the chorus was definitely bouncy. This was a good sign.

**_I see you, the only one who knew me_**

**_And now your eyes see through me_**

**_I guess I was wrong_**

**_So what now, it's plain to see we're over_**

**_And I hate when things are over _**

**_When so much is left undone_**

He loved the chorus and could tell that Blair liked the song by the sound and volume of her voice. But he still had no clue on what this song meant as far as the day was concerned.

**_And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"_**

**_He said," I think I remember the film_**

**_And as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"_**

**_And I said, "Well that's one thing we've got"_**

Chuck decided it was probably time Blair knew he listened to her sing every morning, besides he really wanted to know about this song. He was curious as to why he had never heard it before. Did she write it or something?

**_You'll say, we've got nothing in common_**

**_No common ground to start from_**

**_And we're falling apart_**

**_You'll say, the world has come between us_**

**_Our lives have come between us_**

**_Still I know you just don't care_**

So Chuck stepped from the bedroom into Blair's huge bathroom quietly so that she wouldn't notice at first. She was drying her hair and not paying a bit of attention.

**_And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"_**

**_He said," I think I remember the film_**

**_And as _**

Blair's eyes got wide as she noticed Chuck and she abruptly stopped singing. "CHUCK BASS!" Blair turned around absolutely furious. Her eyes were narrowed and she was shaking the hairdryer in her hand at him. "Were you spying on me or something?"

Chuck smiled and chose not to answer her question. "What does that song mean Blair?"

Blair slightly less angry and a lot more confused "What are you talking about Chuck? What do you mean 'What does it mean? It's a song it means nothing. I can't believe you could hear me, I'm such a bad singer and you just let me make a fool of myself."

Chuck stepped forward and placed a hand on the side of Blair's face. "Blair you have one of the most beautiful voices that I have ever heard."

"Don't lie to me." Blair snapped. Before trying to push him out of her bathroom. Like she had that time after they had fallen asleep plotting against Georgina.

"Waldorf, I'm not lying. You are amazing. I just want to know what that song means. I listen every morning as you get ready and it's my favorite part of the day. I get to see the piece of you that you hide from everyone and it cues me in on how you're feeling. But this song this song stumped me. I don't understand what it means but I want to. I could tell you were happy when you were singing it." Chuck said with a gentle smile.

Blair let out a breath she had no idea that she had been holding before leaning in and kissing Chuck. "Not that I am letting you off the hook for listening to me sing when I thought no one could hear me nor do I think I am a good singer but the song is my favorite. I don't know what you mean about what it means but I love it. A couple has everything in the world coming between them but they are able to reconcile that simply by the shared experience of a movie. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's for the first time after I heard that song. It was released when I was four or five I'm not sure. Now if you will let me finish getting ready I was actually in a good mood before you snuck up on me."

"So what has you in such a good mood?" Chuck asked a little ashamed of listening to her sing for so long without telling her.

At that Blair smiled, "Well, Marcus had to go make some arrangements concerning his groomsmen getting here he left yesterday and won't be back until tomorrow morning at the very earliest so we have the day to ourselves."

Chuck smirked his signature smirk before bending down and giving Blair a seductive kiss. "What do you say we get the day started off right then?" He said in a husky voice before backing up into the shower.

Blair stood there shaking her head.

"Come on Blair, it's not like I'm asking you to skip school, it's Saturday." Chuck said almost whining.

She continued standing there for a moment as though she were contemplating her options before dropping her towel. "Why not? To quote Edward Cullen 'If I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.'"

Chuck continued smirking as Blair joined him in the shower. "You know I hate chick books but that Cullen character knew what he was talking about. "

Blair reached for the shower curtain and pulled it closed before turning to Chuck. "Funny I prefer you." Blair said in a voice that sounded sincere before Chuck turned on the water and started kissing her.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dan walked into the café where he was suppose to be meeting his girlfriend, a girlfriend that he was very unhappy with at the time. She had promised that she would tell Blair that she had been the one to tip off Gossip Girl about Nate but she had yet to do so. He had promised to give her time, so that she could find the right moment to tell Blair. It had been four weeks and he had been lying to the people that he now called friends. He sat there listening as Blair plotted against Vanessa, a girl who had been his friend since he was a kid because even though Vanessa had mildly distracted Blair, Blair had now given up searching for another possible suspect. Blair was going to start going after Vanessa and that was the last thing he wanted. Serena was his girlfriend, Vanessa and Blair his friends, he just wanted everything out in the open so that no one would be targeting anyone.

Serena walked in the door to the café, she had been dreading this. Every moment with Dan lately had felt like a guilt trip. She knew that she needed to tell Blair what she had done; but, she didn't know how.

"Hey." Dan said as he kissed his girlfriend good morning.

Serena pulled away. "Don't think I don't know why you wanted to have breakfast. I know I need to tell Blair. I heard her plotting against Vanessa too. I hope you don't think she is a bad person because of it, she's just trying to protect her friends. Plus, I think she may be using it to distract herself from all of the other stuff in her life."

"I'm not mad at Blair." Dan knew what Blair was going through, Chuck had told him and Nate both a while back. "She is just looking out for everyone, I respect that, a lot. For a long time I didn't understand why you and Blair were friends. It didn't make sense. You were so nice and she was such a bitch but I get it now. Blair is the way she is for a reason, she's seen and been through a lot in her life and now well now she has the need in her to protect everyone, she's like a lioness or something. So no I'm not mad at Blair at all, I just don't want Vanessa getting hurt when she didn't do anything wrong." Dan said looking into Serena's eyes.

"It's just I finally feel like she and I are getting closer again, I don't want to lose all of my friends." Serena said looking away.

Dan shook his head. "Serena you can't let Vanessa take the blame for what you did; but know that no matter what, you will always have me."

"I'll tell her this weekend." Serena said quietly.

Dan wanted to believe her he really did but he had heard her say that so many times. "I've heard those words before Serena."

Serena's face fell Dan had completely lost faith in her. She didn't know that it had come to this. "But you've never heard me promise because I don't make promises. This time though I am. I promise that I will tell Blair by Monday morning before she can hurt a hair on Vanessa's head."

**Spotted: S and D looking testy over croissants. What's up with those two lately? About to call it quits again? I don't know but when I find out, you'll be the first to know.**

** xoxo**

** gossip girl **

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Blair giggled as Chuck kissed her belly button and continued doing so as he placed kisses all over her stomach.

Chuck saw Blair's digital camera on her nightstand and picked it up. "Smile" Chuck said snapping a picture of Blair.

"CHUCK! I'm naked." Blair said unable to decide if she should smile, hide under the comforter or hit him.

Chuck kept shooting pictures, she was covered by the comforter, not that he would have minded nude pictures or anything but he knew Blair and that wasn't her thing. He turned the camera towards himself and took a couple. "Don't worry so much Waldorf your decent." Chuck said flipping the camera towards her and showing her the pictures. With that Chuck moved next to her and started snapping pictures of both of them. Some smiling, some laughing, some romantic looking ones. He took a couple of them kissing before finally laying the camera aside.

"You know I haven't forgiven you yet for this morning?" Blair said playfully.

Chuck frowned and moved until he was over Blair. His arms on either side of her head supporting his weight. "You are an amazing singer and I don't feel like I should be ashamed for wanting to hear you sing. I knew if you knew that you wouldn't sing anymore but this morning I was stupid and curious."

"I wish you'd stop saying that." Blair said quietly.

Chuck's expression changed, becoming extremely intense, and suddenly he rolled off of Blair and stood up. "Come on Blair, get dressed, I have something I want to show you."

Blair did mostly out of curiosity. Chuck could definitely be spontaneous when he wanted to be. "Where are we going?" Blair asked as she grabbed a skirt and top from her closet and put them on while Chuck called the limo.

"You'll see." Chuck said, taking her hand and leading her out of the hotel to the curb where his limo was waiting.

They drove for about twenty minutes not saying much. Blair had her head resting on Chuck's shoulder and he had his arm around her. Finally, the cab came to a stop outside a place Blair had never been. "Chuck, where are we?" Blair asked.

Chuck followed Blair out of the limo and walked to the entrance of the building. He opened the door for Blair and she walked in to some sort of lobby. "We are on the Upper West Side at my one of my dad's newer ventures."

Blair looked around the room, it looked like a waiting room of some sort, not like a doctor's office; way more comfortable looking than that. There were sofas, chairs, tvs, a snack table, and what looked to be a front desk with a door to the right of it. "Which is . . ."

Chuck looked back to Blair and smirked. "A recording studio."

"Wait, what?" Blair said her eyes wide. "You brought me to a recording studio? Why on earth would you do that?"

"So many questions Waldorf, why don't you just trust me for a while?" Chuck said taking her hand and walking towards the door. He nodded at the receptionist as he passed and she handed him a folder. "There's the materials you asked for Mr. Bass."

"Thank you." Chuck said as he took the folder and opened the doorway. There was a long hallway with many rooms coming off of it. Chuck led Blair to one near the back. He opened the door and sure enough there was a first class recording studio.

Chuck walked through the electronic section into the sound booth where he opened the folder and placed a copy of some sheet music on a music stand. Blair looked at him. "What exactly do you expect me to do, Chuck?"

He smiled. "Sing Waldorf, all I expect you to do is sing." Chuck said walking out of the sound booth and shutting the door. He continued on to one of the office chairs in front of the sound station. Chuck looked at Blair who was standing there with her arms crossed.

"I'm not going to sing Chuck, you can just forget it."

Chuck smirked. "I knew you were going to say that; but really Blair, what's the worst that can happen? I've been listening to you sing for almost a month and I'm the only one who will ever hear this."

Blair shook her head. "No way, I'm not going to embarrass myself again."

Damn she was stubborn. "Come on Blair, have you even looked at the song, it's one of your favorites?"

Blair looked down, it was Breathless by the Corrs. It really was one of her favorites, she didn't even know how Chuck knew that.

Chuck could tell that she was considering it, she just needed a little push. "Come on Blair, don't you trust me."

Blair bit her lip. "Fine Bass but no one but us will ever hear this, deal?"

"Deal." Chuck said. "Now put on the headphones and I'll cue the backtrack. All you have to do is sing."

Blair took a deep breath and kept telling herself. I shouldn't be nervous it's just Chuck. So she picked up the headphones and put them on, before nodding at Chuck that she was ready. She watched as he pressed a couple of buttons then the music started. Blair closed her eyes, it wasn't like she needed to look at the words to the song in the first place, then she sang.

**_Go on_**

**_Go on_**

**_Leave me breathless_**

**_Come on_**

**_The daylight's fading slowly, but time with you is standing still_**

**_I'm waiting for you only, the slightest touch and I feel weak_**

**_I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide_**

**_And I'm losing the will to try_**

**_Can't hide it, Can't fight it_**

Her nerves had completely dissipated. This was just like singing in the bathroom at home or something. It was just her and Chuck. No one else. So she began to let herself have some fun with it.

**_So go on_**

**_Go on_**

**_Come on leave me breathless_**

**_Tempt me, tease me _**

**_Until I can't deny this loving feeling_**

**_Make me long for your kiss_**

**_Go on_**

**_Go on_**

**_Yeah Come on_**

**_Yeah_**

**_And if there's no tomorrow and all we have is here and now_**

**_I'm happy just to have you_**

**_You're all the love I need somehow_**

**_It's like a dream although I'm not asleep_**

**_I never want to wake up_**

**_Don't lose it, Don't leave it_**

By this point Blair was dancing as she sang into the microphone and Chuck couldn't help but smile, she looked and sounded amazing, and so at home singing. After Blair heard this track she wouldn't be able to deny the fact that she had a great voice. It would be impossible.

**_So go on_**

**_Go on_**

**_Come on leave me breathless_**

**_Tempt me, tease me _**

**_Until I can't deny this loving feeling_**

**_Make me long for your kiss_**

**_Go on _**

**_Go on_**

**_Yeah _**

**_Come on_**

**_Yeah _**

**_Yeah_**

**_yeah _**

**_Yeah_**

Blair couldn't believe it, she was having so much fun. It felt like such a release, to just be in that room singing. She could pour her soul into it if she wanted to, let everything she was feeling be released into the song and she did.

**_And I can't lie_**

**_From you I cannot hide_**

**_And I've lost my will to try_**

**_Can't hide it, Can't fight it_**

**_So go on _**

**_Go on _**

**_Come on leave me breathless_**

**_Tempt me, tease me _**

**_Until I can't deny this loving feeling_**

**_Make me long for your kiss_**

**_Go on _**

**_Go on_**

**_Come on leave me breathless_**

**_Go on _**

**_Go on _**

**_Come on leave me breathless_**

**_Go on_**

**_Go on_**

As Blair finished she immediately took of the headphones and walked out of the booth to Chuck, who had stood up. "Thank you, Chuck. Even if I am a horrific singer, thank you for bringing me here, I needed that."

By way of an answer, Chuck reached down and clicked a few buttons and the sound of Blair's singing filled the room.

Blair's eyes widdened in shock. After a few seconds she looked into Chuck's eyes. "That girl singing, that's me?" She asked.

Chuck nodded. "That girl singing is you."

"Can I do it again?" Blair asked knowing he would never refuse her.

Chuck smiled. "Tell me the song and I'll load up the backtrack."

Chuck and Blair spent the rest of the afternoon there in the studio. Goofing off, recording tracks, mostly just Blair but a couple they did together. It was fun, more fun than either one had allowed themselves to have in a long time.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Marcus was a little disappointed when he arrived at the Waldorf's apartment that afternoon. Blair wasn't there and he had been looking forward to surprising her. He was suppose to be in England still but as soon as he had gotten there he just got on a plane right back to JFK. He didn't need groomsmen, he needed to be around Blair. It drove Marcus crazy being away from her, especially now.

Over the past month Blair had started acting well different. At first it had been the same, her hating him and ignoring him. But he didn't try to force her to do anything. He didn't insist on any affection. The most he did was kiss her hand. Then one day it was as though Blair had decided that she was going to quit fighting it, fighting him. He continued to give her space, but now she had started to talk around him, help him plan the wedding. She smiled more, she let him hold her hand, kiss her cheek. A couple of times they had even kissed. He wanted all of her, but he was determined now more than ever that if he continued to let her be and be nice then eventually she would fall in love with him.

Marcus wasn't quite sure what to do with himself while he waited on Blair to return. He paced the room before sitting down. He was excited to be surprising her. He hoped that she would be happy to see him but he didn't have to wait very long because only a few minutes after he had been there the object of his affection burst into the room giggling. She looked happier than Marcus had ever seen her and she was accompanied by Chuck Bass.

They obviously didn't see him sitting in the dark because they continued laughing as Chuck wrapped his arms around Blair from behind, tickling her. Blair turned her head, twisting her body until she found Chuck's face, where she kissed him. Chuck loosened his grip allowing Blair to fully face him before tightening it once more. They were getting passionate quickly.

Marcus had seen enough. He stood yet they were in their own world and didn't even notice. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Marcus said venom in his voice.

Chuck and Blair flew apart realizing immediately that they had been caught. "Marcus" Blair started. "Let me explain."

"Don't Blair, I think I've seen enough that I can make my own judgments. You see Blair, I think that I can easily say that you have been playing me for the past couple of weeks. Placating me, pretending that you were developing feelings for me, all so that I wouldn't monitor you enough to realize that you were sneaking around with your ex."

Blair looked down, he was right and she had felt a little guilty about misleading him but at the same time, Blair knew that he deserved it because of what he was doing to them. At the same time, she couldn't deny that the hurt on his face upset her a little. "Marcus, I'm sorry but honestly what did you expect, did you really think that I would give in that easily." She felt the strength of Chuck's arm around her, supporting her and relaxed into it.

Marcus's jaw was set. "You are my fiancé Blair, as such, you will do as I say. You two will not see each other again, with the exception of school, and there you will not speak. You will act as though you do not know that the other exists."

There was a coldness in his eyes that Blair hadn't seen since he got back from Yale and it scared her. "Please Marcus, I'm in love with Ch . . ."

She didn't finish as Marcus held up a hand and screamed. "SHUT UP BLAIR! I GAVE YOU SPACE. I ALLOWED YOU TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED. THERE WERE NO RULES, NO GUIDELINES, I LEFT YOU ALONE. YET YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO SLEEP WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE. NO MORE, I WILL NOT BE PLAYED A FOOL." He breathed in before saying in a more controlled voice. "So your little rebellion is done Blair. The last thing I need is my fiancé running around like a whore. Therefore Blair, this affair you've been carrying on is over."

Chuck whispered in Blair's ear. "Don't give in to his demands Blair, stand up to him."

Blair looked to Marcus, then turned to face Chuck. "It won't do any good Chuck. Marcus is always going to win." Blair started backing up away from Chuck towards Marcus.

When she reached him he put his arm around her "Good girl Blair." He smiled before looking up at Chuck. "The second order of business for tonight is the problem of groomsmen. You see I missed my opportunity to arrange for my friends from England to come back here and surprise Blair with some interesting news. But that is besides the point for the time being. You see I now need groomsmen and I have decided who better than Blair's oldest friends. Nate, Dan, and Eric will be my groomsmen, and you Chuck, you will be my best man. I want you to have a front row seat to the wedding." Marcus said with an evil grin. "Now for the news. Blair you know who my grandmother is, you know that my cousins are William and Henry. It was always assumed that William will be the next King to rule for a long period of time, his father Charles is in rather bad health and likely won't out live his mother. It has however been uncovered that Prince Charles was born before the marriage of my grandparents, no one knew, it was well covered to say the least. He was born out of wedlock therefore by British common law he and his heirs are removed from the line of succession. That would leave me sixth in the line of succession, but my uncle Andrew the Duke of York, believing that there was no way that he would ever be first in line to the throne of England has made a vital error. Unbeknownst to the rest of the family, he converted to Roman Catholicism, thus removing himself and his children from the line."

Blair snapped around. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What I am saying is when we marry you will be Blair Waldorf Rhodes Princess of Wales. As I am now third in line for the crown after my father and brother."

Chuck's mouth fell open, he had to be joking. "First of all you are insane if you think that I will be your best man when you force Blair to marry you, secondly, no way in hell are you third in the line of succession. That kind of stuff would have been all over the news."

Marcus smiled. "That's where you're wrong. They are trying to cover it up from the tabloids for as long as possible but it will get out eventually. As for the matter of my best man. If you want everything to continue to go smoothly you and Blair will do as I say. Now leave Bass, your presence is no longer needed here."

Chuck looked at Blair, who looked as though she was in shock. He begged her with his eyes to tell him to stay. But she shook her head; so Chuck turned the other direction and stormed out.

Once Chuck was gone Marcus turned to Blair, "What do you say we go watch a movie? I was thinking Roman Holiday." But he didn't wait for an answer as he took Blair's hand and led her upstairs to her room where he already had Roman Holiday set up on the screen. "Well aren't you going to thank me?"

Blair just stared at him, still not speaking before sitting on the bed and pressing play.

Marcus shrugged before joining her. "Fine don't talk to me, you'll learn eventually that I am much better company when I am conversational but if you don't want to talk that's fine, Princess."

**I always thought that in games cheating was completely fair. If you were good enough to sneak around and get away with it, then you deserved to win the game. But if you were sloppy, if you made mistakes and didn't cover your tracks then you deserved to get caught. **

** you know you love me,**

** xoxo**

** gossip girl**

**_________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed, please review :)**

**I used a lot of music in this chapter:**

**Love Story: Taylor Swift**

**Breakfast at Tiffany's: Deep Blue Something**

**Breathless: The Corrs**

**(All of which are great songs, that you should all totally listen to)**


	25. Picking Sides

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I started a new fanfic so I'm doing double duty. I hope you enjoy it and as always reviews are very much appreciated. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.**

* * *

"You know Blair you wouldn't be under constant supervision if you hadn't been so rebellious." Marcus said in effort to try to get Blair to see that he wasn't the bad guy. He didn't want her to hate him but the thought of her being with Chuck drove him insane. "Now stop giving me so much attitude and make some decisions."

Blair and Marcus were sitting at Tavern on the Green, the location Blair had chosen for the Reception, with the wedding planner, trying to make some more planning decisions. But Blair was obviously not in the mood after the stunt Marcus had pulled last night. If he was going to make her follow his stupid rules she certainly wasn't going to do so willingly. So Blair sat there like a spoiled brat with her arms crossed as both Marcus and the wedding planner stared at her.

Any normal wedding planner would be asking questions but Marcus had hired Audrey Bishop under the pretense that no questions be asked. She was rather known for agreeing to those sorts of terms in her line of work; that's what made her so popular with the wealthy families today. As far as marriages went there were a lot of shady things that occurred. The sheer number of parents who still arranged their children's marriages without the child's consent would astound most people. Audrey didn't know what the deal was this time. The girl was young, possibly still under 18; yes I believe they said that the wedding was going to be the day before the girl's 18th birthday. She had met the mother, who seemed all too eager for this match to take place while the daughter did not. This however is where the puzzle didn't quite fit together. Usually, in cases where the daughter was being married off to a man she didn't love it had something to do with money but the Waldorf's had plenty of money. No there was something even weirder going on here. But instead of blowing the whistle Audrey did what they were really paying her to do and tried to reason with the bride. She did this by following the three basic rules of being an UES wedding planner, let the bride know that you recognize that she is unhappy, allow the bride to believe that you are on her side, and lastly when all else fails appeal to the bride's sense of propriety. "Okay it's clear that you are unhappy about something Blair. I can see by your attitude that this wedding isn't something you want."

At this, Marcus had to pretend to be angry; he knew the plan though. It was all a means to an end to get Blair Waldorf to plan her wedding and walk down the aisle. "Audrey, you have no right to interfere. This is our business."

Blair was smirking as she looked between the young wedding planner and Marcus who were obviously entering into some sort of power struggle.

Audrey continued with the charade. "Now, Marcus I know that you clearly want to marry this girl but it looks to me like maybe the feeling isn't mutual."

Blair rolled her eyes and continued to sit there. There was nothing that this Audrey girl could do to make her want to plan this wedding, nothing at all.

Marcus looked at Audrey in a way as if to say 'I told you so.' He had known that Blair wasn't going to give in just because some wedding planner said that she felt bad for her. No Blair was more stubborn than that.

Great this is one of the difficult ones, thought Audrey. Why couldn't they just let her be nice to them and get it over with? But no they had to be bitches. So she dropped the polite, nice act. "Okay fine Blair, you obviously know that this wedding is happening one way or the other. Either you can plan it yourself with my help or you can sit there and act like an immature child while I make all the plans myself. Trust me, you won't like the circus that I turn your wedding into; I'm sure that society will remember it for years to come as the tackiest wedding they had ever seen." Audrey could tell she had finally gotten Blair's attention but since the girl hadn't said anything she pulled out a folder. "Now I was thinking this neon orange dress with the tiers of ruffles for the bridesmaids." Audrey said as she pointed to one of the most horrendous dresses she had the pattern for.

Blair suddenly snapped into action. "Like hell you are turning my wedding into some kind of circus." She hated that she had caved but really what was her other option.

It was Marcus's turn to smirk, this wedding planner knew what she was doing and it was her turn to turn to him with a look that said 'I told you so.'

Audrey had never once failed when it came to these matters and Blair Waldorf was certainly not going to be the first. The third rule always got the girls in the end.

"Okay fine, if I'm doing this I'm doing it right." Blair said pulling out a folder. The rest of the table could see that she had clearly been planning her wedding since she was a young girl as the first couple of pages were cut out from magazines. "She pointed to a dress near the back, "The bridesmaids' dresses will be a dark brown, like a deep chocolate color. Each dress will be made of the same material yet it will be slightly different in style so as to best suit the girl. My bridesmaids are Jenny, Serena, Iz, and Kati. I'll call today to make arrangements for Kati to be here. My dress will be custom made; Jenny is currently working on the design. The wedding is at St. Andrew's Church, the flowers in the church will be white hydrangeas, the bridesmaids will carry red roses and I will carry white ones of course. This is the playlist for the wedding singer whose name I have listed right here. As for cake, the bakery For Heaven's Cakes, is a block from here on the east exit of the park, I'm going there later this afternoon to choose from my final three. I've been going down there since I was five trying to decide on my wedding cake so that won't take long. Now if there's anything else Audrey," Blair said with a pointed glare, "Feel free to contact me. Otherwise, I think we're done here." Blair said standing from the table and walking out of the restaurant.

Marcus looked at the wedding planner, whose mouth was still gapping open and shrugged before chasing after her.

**Spotted: B and LM at For Heaven's Cakes, THE bakery of the UES, choosing a cake for the upcoming nuptials after B told off the wedding planner at Tavern earlier in the morning. With the wedding only a month away, let's hope our B doesn't turn into bridezilla.**

* * *

Serena walked into school Monday alone. She had been avoiding Dan all weekend and certainly didn't want to see him now. She still hadn't told Blair that it wasn't Vanessa and she knew that if Dan found out that he was going to be angry with her. She had after all promised him that she would tell. Serena had until lunch to find a way to tell Blair what she had done, the problem was that she could never find the right moment. How do you go about telling your best friend that you stabbed them in the back? So the day continued on and Serena kept her mouth shut.

As Serena was walking into the lunchroom, the group had taken to eating in here because of the guys didn't much like eating outside; they actually ate the cafeteria food and to do that they needed a table. The girls had relegated the steps to mornings and afternoons instead.

Dan saw Serena from where he was standing in line and hurried over. "How did it go with Blair?" Dan asked concern written all over his face.

"Well, it went." Serena said looking down.

"Serena, you did tell Blair, didn't you?" Dan said narrowing his eyes a little. He noticed Serena looking at something behind him so he turned. At that moment Dan watched as Blair 'accidentally' spilt cranberry juice all over Vanessa. "Serena, don't make me choose between all of you, because you aren't going to like the outcome."

Serena who had been feeling guilty was suddenly angry. "Is that an ultimatum Dan?" she snapped.

Dan paused, did he really want to do this, he and Serena had only been back together for a little over a month; but he knew it was the right thing to do. "Yeah, Serena it is."

"Unbelievable Dan. Well you can forget it, I'm not telling Blair. I refuse to ruin our friendship for Vanessa."

Dan ran his hand through his short hair before saying in a hushed voice. "I wish you hadn't said that." Dan turned and left the cafeteria, walking out to the courtyard.

He sat down on his and Serena's favorite table and got out his phone. If Serena wasn't going to tell Blair, he knew someone who would.

**To: tipsgossipgirl com  
V wasn't the one who tipped you off about N's money issues it was S. Same S who tried to tip you off about C and B. **

He stared at his phone for a minute. Could he do this? Could Daniel Humphrey play the game that all of those other Upper East Siders had been playing since they were children? Without another thought he clicked SEND.

* * *

Chuck walked into the cafeteria to see Blair sitting with Serena, Jenny, and Nate at their usual table. He wasn't quite sure what the protocol was for this, was he suppose to pretend like he didn't see her or something? No, no way, Marcus could go to hell. So instead of going and getting food, Chuck walked straight to the table and took his usual seat.

Blair's eyes widdened and she turned to Chuck. "What are you doing?"

Chuck turned to her and said nonchalantly. "I'm eating lunch with my friends Blair."

"We aren't supposed to talk to each other Chuck, what if Marcus finds out?"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Yeah because Marcus is going to come into the cafeteria to check up on us."

As though Chuck had made it true with his words, Marcus walked through the cafeteria doors. Blair glared at Chuck and was about to stand up, as the beeping began. The entire cafeteria got out their phones to see the latest from Gossip Girl.

**Well, well, well, today we sure do have some exciting news. It seems as though our LM is actually a prince, third in line to the throne after some shady goings on with his uncles, Charles and Andrew. British news stations broke the story about two minutes ago. Seems like our Queen B, really might be Queen after all. In other news, I had an interesting tip today. We all know how every time you tip me it's anonymous, unless you sign it. Well someone has clued me in on where a couple of my more interesting tips came from. It seems like your friends aren't as trust worthy as we thought they were, are they B? Looks like S is the one who exposed N's little money problem and don't feel left out B, she sent some stuff about you too, I just didn't feel the need to post it. With friends like these, who needs enemies?**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

Blair's head snapped towards where Serena was sitting. "How could you S. Nate is supposed to be your friend too?"

Serena looked amongst her friends. "Blair, Nate, I'm sorry, I am. Please just give me a chance to explain."

Nate interrupted. "I can't believe you would do this Serena." The betrayal apparent in his eyes.

"Guys, please, I was hurt, I thought that if there was a crisis . . ."

"Enough Serena," spoke Blair, in a voice that everyone at school had grown to fear. "Gossip Girl was right, with friends like you who needs enemies." With that Blair walked off, towards an approaching Marcus. Who's hand she took as she led him from the cafeteria.

"Nate please, listen to me." Serena said reaching for his hand across the table.

Nate jerked his hand back. "Why Serena, tell me, why'd you do it?"

Serena spoke quickly thinking that this might be her only chance. "I was so alone, everyone was moving on without me. You didn't want me around, Blair didn't want me around, you guys had both replaced me with other people." She said glancing at Jenny and then Chuck. "So I thought that maybe if there was some kind of crisis, like the one I had last spring, it would bring us all back together again. I'm so sorry." As she finished Serena looked into Nate's eyes and knew that her explanation had done little to nothing to keep him from hating her.

"So wait, let me get this straight. You drug my family issues out for the whole school to see, just so that you wouldn't feel 'left out.' That's pathetic." Nate said before standing and leaving as well.

Jenny stood up right afterwards. "You know Serena; maybe if you had just talked to them about how you felt, none of this would have happened. But you know those two as well as I do, so you know that you have probably just lost them for good." Then she followed Nate out.

Serena turned to Chuck. He was the only one still sitting there. "Thank you Chuck. For not just leaving too."

Chuck turned to face her, a look of disgust on his face. "Oh no sister, don't thank me just yet. The only reason I'm still here is because I can't follow Blair out. I feel the same way about you as the rest of them do."

Serena bit her lip. She was trying her hardest not to start crying. Even Chuck hated her. "Chuck, you of all people should understand. After all you set Nate up at Cotillion last year and then you told Gossip Girl about you and Blair . . ."

Chuck held up a finger to silence her. "Yes and I paid for my mistakes. And if I know Blair, which of course I do, now you're going to pay for yours." With that Chuck stood like the rest and sauntered out of the cafeteria; he had better things to do with his time than babysit Serena. If he wasn't going to be allowed to see Blair, then he was most certainly going to look for something to use against Marcus and he knew just where to start.

"How could you Dan?" Serena said walking up to her supposed boyfriend. "I would have told her eventually, I would never have let something serious happen to Vanessa."

Dan couldn't withhold his judgment on this one. "Well that's not what it seemed like to me Serena, not even slightly. I gave you every opportunity to tell Blair but you wouldn't. So I took care of it. Now if you will excuse me, I am supposed to go meet Nate." Dan said, doing what everyone else in Serena's life had done that day, walking away.

**Sorry S, looks like C was right, everyone has to pay for their crimes somehow. **

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

**

* * *

A/N: I know this one isn't really long but this one and the next were originally the same chapter but I've split them. Hope you enjoyed**

**Reviews are appreciated.**


	26. Choosing Your Battles

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I started a new fanfic so I'm doing double duty. I hope you enjoy it and as always reviews are very much appreciated. **

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**WARNING: It does get more M rated near the end.**

* * *

Blair was still furious with Serena as she and Jenny walked toward Bendels. It had been a week since the Gossip Girl blast on Serena but Blair hadn't even spoken to her. She couldn't bring herself to do it. "You know, I still don't understand how Serena could do something like that. Not to her friends."

"I can." Jenny practically whispered.

Blair's head snapped towards her. "WHAT? Jenny you have to be kidding."

Jenny really hoped that Blair wouldn't hate her after what she was about to say. "It's just, I know how it feels to be left out. To feel like Blair Waldorf, would rather spend time with someone else than me. Let me tell you, it isn't fun. So yeah, I get it. I mean I've done some pretty shitty things myself when I was feeling like my friends, weren't my friends. That's why I went to Nate last year." Jenny said looking down.

Blair stopped walking and faced Jenny. "I'm sorry. For making you feel like that but this with Serena was different. She knew exactly what she was doing."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you Blair, so did I. I knew that I was seriously messing with you when I told Nate, but I did it because somewhere inside of me I just wanted to feel part of it. Feel like I was important. All I'm saying is that maybe you should talk to her."

Eventually after looking at Jenny for a minute, Blair nodded. "Okay, I'll talk to her; but in the mean time I have something that I wanted to ask you."

They had started walking again, "Okay." Jenny said, waiting anxiously to hear what Blair wanted.

"So, I was wondering if you would be my maid of honor, I mean hopefully I won't be needing your services but still?" Blair said nonchalantly.

Jenny stopped once more. "Are you serious?"

"Of course." Blair said as if it was no big deal.

Jenny shrieked and jumped on Blair hugging her.

Blair laughed and they started walking again towards Bendels. "Now, how about we have a girl's night out Saturday night to celebrate? We'll go pick something hot out at Bendels today to wear, my treat."

Jenny simply locked arms with Blair and smiled. "Sounds great."

* * *

Chuck had buried himself in all things Marcus over the past few days. It was frustrating because other than being the classic bad boy in the royal line, there was nothing that Marcus had done that was anywhere near enough to get rid of him. Car racing, speeding tickets, bimbo girlfriends, one of whom was possibly pregnant. None of it added up to be enough. In the US the pregnant ex might have gotten some kind of response but the British royals were full of illegitimate children. Hell it was what had led to Marcus being third in line.

Wait, third in line, Marcus was now third in line, and it had happened so suddenly, maybe there was something fishy about it. Maybe Marcus was involved in some way. It was definitely worth a shot. So Chuck placed the phone call to his travel agent. "Hi, Mia I need a first class ticket to London, England. Yes the red eye flight tonight is perfect. Thanks."

Chuck hung up the phone. Now he only had one more thing to do before heading to the airport. So he got out a piece of the personalized stationary that his dad had insisted long ago that he have and wrote a note to Blair. He knew that he would be able to get close enough to give it to her in person but he knew someone who could. All that he had left to do was take a detour through Brooklyn.

Chuck had texted Jenny while he was in the limo on the way over and she knew he was in a rush so she was already waiting at the café when he got there. Chuck had picked the place because he knew no one hardly knew it existed so it should be safe from the eyes of Gossip Girl and Marcus.

Chuck hopped out of the limo and darted quickly inside, it was starting to rain and he didn't particularly want to be wet on the flight over. He walked in the door to see Jenny sitting at one of the back tables and walked straight over. "Thanks for meeting me on such short notice."

"No, it's fine this place is less than a block from my house and I could tell it was important." Jenny said sipping on the coffee that she had ordered.

"Yeah it is." Chuck paused sitting down. "I'm leaving for London tonight." Jenny's eyes widdened but Chuck continued. "I have a lead on Marcus, or at least somewhere to start and since I can't be around Blair anyway I figure it is a better use of my time scoping it out with my PIs than sitting around here moping."

Jenny nodded her head. "You're right. What do you want me to tell Blair?"

Chuck had to admit the girl was a lot like Blair, she was quick when it came to figuring things out. She knew exactly why Chuck had contacted her and he hadn't even had to say it. "You don't have to tell her anything. Just give her this letter." Chuck said pulling the letter from his jacket pocket. "Don't do it at school, there will be too many people watching, especially with Marcus coming to collect Blair for lunch every day. Only give it to her when you are sure you two aren't going to be seen. Marcus can't know what's in this letter."

Jenny nodded again. "That might take a couple of days though, won't Blair worry about where you are?"

"Yes, but she knows that I am working on a way out of this mess so as long as you reassure her then she should be fine." Chuck said before looking down at his watch. "I should be going, I need to get to the airport."

Jenny stood up as Chuck did. "Okay, well good luck, and be careful." It was so weird, she felt like she and Chuck were friends, when not that long ago she had been terrified of him.

"Don't worry Humphrey, I will be." Chuck said smirking before he left.

**C spotted boarding an airplane at JFK. **

* * *

Marcus had been hesitant to let the girls go out but he figured that Blair had been good lately and Chuck had seemingly disappeared so what was the harm in letting Blair have a little fun. But, he had almost stopped her when he saw her leaving the house with Jenny, the dress she was wearing was one of the shortest he had ever seen her wear and he couldn't help but ask again. "Where is it that you are going?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "Quit acting like my father. We're just going to hit up a couple of clubs, I'll have my cell on me the entire time if you want to check up on me. We've been over this Marcus, I deserve a night out with my best friend."

Marcus relented. "You're right of course, I just don't like being away from you."

Blair shot him a half smile before stepping in the elevator with Jenny and heading out.

Once the elevator doors were closed Jenny whispered. "For a minute I thought he was going to stop us."

Blair looked at her friend. "For a minute, so did I."

The girls were determined that they were going to have fun tonight. So they hailed a cab and headed downtown.

They were sitting in the cab giggling and gossiping, when Jenny got a text.

**Hey Jen, **

**Wat up**

"Ugh, it's Nate." Jenny said, letting her head fall back on the headrest.

Blair turned toward her. "Wait, I thought you liked Nate."

Jenny sat up. "I do, it's just I can't figure him out. I don't know what he wants us to be, friends or more than that."

Blair smiled, "I know one way to find out." Blair grabbed her phone and started texting.

**N,**

**B and I r heading to Bluelight, c u there :)**

**J**

"Blair what did you do?" Jenny said accusingly.

"Oh nothing." The phone buzzed in Blair's hand.

**I'm w/ Dan mind if he joins**

Blair smirked.

**Nope**

"Blair stop it, what are you doing?" Jenny asked trying to grab the phone.

Blair let her have it. Nate was already meeting them and they were at their destination.

"OMG B, you didn't." Jenny gasped reading the conversation.

"I did." Blair said laughing as she climbing out of the cab and walking to the front of the line where the bouncer didn't hesitate to let her in.

The girls made a pit stop at the bar. The bartender and Blair knew each other so he agreed to keep their pocket books so that the girls could hit the dance floor. It wasn't too packed but they didn't mind people watching them. So they danced there with each other, with no one, with guys nearby and the guys easily spotted them when they walked in.

Nate motioned them over to the bar and the girls followed.

"Hey boys." Blair said smiling.

Dan's eyes almost bugged out of his head when he saw their outfits. "Jenny what are you doing wearing that?" Dan asked.

Blair smirked good naturedly. "Oh leave her alone Brooklyn, it's not that bad, look around."

Dan did and realized that Blair was right, she and Jenny had on a lot more clothes than 90 percent of the other girls in the club. So he gave a little shrug.

"Blair, Jenny" Nate said nodding at each of them.

"Hey Nate." Jenny said walking over to the seat next to him. "Want to come dance with us." Blair had her all kinds of nervous with all of the hints at making Nate something more than a friend.

Nate wanted to dance with her, he really did but at the same time he wasn't sure that he was ready yet. What if things got to heavy with them and he did something he would regret? Nate just wasn't willing to risk it. "Maybe later Jen."

Jenny couldn't help but be disappointed but she hid it well under the flashing blue lights and loud music. "Okay, suit yourself party pooper." Jenny started heading back out towards the mesh of throbbing bodies. "Come on Blair." She shouted from the dance floor where she was already being surrounded by guys.

Blair turned to Nate, "Eventually you are going to have to let Jenny in you know."

Nate looked at Blair confused, "Wait, I thought that you thought that I should wait?"

"Yeah like a couple weeks." Blair said as though it were obvious. "It's been months Archibald. Just think about it before you push her away next time, okay?"

Nate nodded and Blair turned to Dan, "What about you Lonely Boy, want to come dance?"

Dan had kind of zoned out and had to do a double take. He thought that Blair Waldorf had just asked him to dance. "I'm sorry, what?"

Blair smirked. "Do you, want to dance, with me?" She asked clearly enunciating. "Come on Dan, don't be a drag, it's not like you have to do anything the girl does all the hard stuff."

Dan looked at Nate who raised his eyebrows before turning back to Blair, "Sure why not?"

Nate watched as Dan followed Blair out to the dance floor. Dan had turned out to be quite the friend, he had stayed loyal even after the Serena stuff had gone down. He laughed as he watched Blair dance on him. On him definitely being the right phrase. Dan was pretty much just standing there while Blair did her thing; sliding her body up and down Dan's. Nate also watched as Jenny danced with several boys.

After about half an hour, Dan leaned toward Blair during a slow song, "You know you really don't have to keep dancing with me. I know your only doing it because you feel sorry for me because other than my sister you are the only girl here that I know."

Blair looked up at Dan. "I'm not doing this for you, well I kind of am. You've been a good friend to Nate, to all of us. I know you were originally included because of Serena but even after the mess on Monday you stuck around. I mean you are kind of part of the gang now. But it's kind of for me too because while Jenny is dancing with other guys to make Nate jealous, there's no one I want to make jealous, in fact I don't even know where Chuck is." Blair added almost getting chocked up but moving past it quickly. "And yeah we've had our differences but I know that you know the whole deal about me and Chuck and Marcus so you won't be expecting anything more out of this than dancing and having fun."

Dan nodded his head. "Okay, now why doesn't Jenny just say something to Nate instead of dragging all these guys around in front of him. If my sister has to be dating someone, he's pretty much as good as it comes."

Blair smiled. "I know, but you've got to give them time to sort it all out."

Jenny rushed up as the song ended, a little out of breath. "Blair, wanna come to the bathroom with me a minute?"

Blair looked up to Dan. "Do you mind?"

"No, of course not." Before Dan even finished the girls were headed off in the other direction. So Dan headed back to the bar with Nate.

"Hey man, nice dancing out there with Blair." Nate joked.

"Haha, very funny Nate. I know I can't dance. I have embraced this fact." Dan joked before turning a little more serious. "So you and my sister have something going?"

Nate was worried at first, he didn't usually date girls with brothers. "Well, not really, I don't . . ."

But Nate didn't get to finish because Dan interrupted. "Go for it."

Nate grinned. "Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, but if you break her heart, I'll kick your ass." Dan said laughing.

"Thanks man, really." Nate said with a genuine smile still on his face.

Blair and Jenny were in the bathroom fixing their hair and makeup when Jenny started in on Nate. "Really B, I just don't know what else I can do. I feel like I've made it perfectly clear that I want us together tonight but Nate doesn't seem to get the picture. Then I throw myself at other guys and he doesn't even look jealous. I don't know what comes next."

Blair smirked. "I have an idea or two left before we give up for the evening. Ready to head back out?"

"Sure." Jenny said as they started walking back towards the crowd.

"Hold up a sec J, I've got to stop by the DJ." Blair said detouring.

Jenny was only alone for a couple of minutes but she was hit on by three guys before Blair got back. "Sorry that took so long, let's go get the guys."

Blair and Jenny walked up once more to the bar. That's when the sounds of the song Blair had just requested started reverberating through the club. "Oooooo I love this song, Come on boys lets go." Blair added raising her eyebrows at Nate.

_**You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes**_

_**Yeah you, PMS, like a bitch, I would know**_

_**And you always think, always speak cryptically**_

_**I should know, that you're no good for me**_

Nate stayed where he was though as the others headed back out. "I'll stay her at least a little longer." He looked for Jenny's reaction this time and could tell that she had wanted him to join them; but she joined the others as well.

_**Cause you're hot then you're cold**_

_**You're yes then you're no**_

_**You're in then you're out**_

_**You're up then you're down**_

_**You're wrong when it's right**_

_**It's black and it's white**_

_**We fight, we break up**_

_**We kiss, we make up**_

Nate watched. It looked like they were all having fun. Blair and Dan were goofing off, dancing and jumping and laughing. Jenny was as well but not as much so.

_**We used to be just like twins, so in sync**_

_**The same energy, now's a dead battery**_

_**Used to laugh bout nothing, now you're plain boring**_

_**I should know that you're not gonna change**_

Blair took Jenny's hands and they started dancing together. Doing one of those girlie best friend dances that he had seen Serena and Blair do so many times before. Dan was still out there with them, dancing and laughing, as they all twisted and spun around. Nate was starting to be a little jealous. He missed fun.

_**Cause you're hot then you're cold**_

_**You're yes then you're no**_

_**You're in then you're out**_

_**You're up then you're down**_

_**You're wrong when it's right**_

_**It's black and it's white**_

_**We fight, we break up**_

_**We kiss, we make up**_

Nate couldn't help but listen to the lyrics of the song, which was something that he never did until last year when he and Blair broke up and all he did for a few days was listen to music. It was like the DJ God was trying to send him a message with this song or something; saying that he was being like the guy in the song when it came to Jenny.

_**You, you don't really want to stay, no**_

_**You, but you don't really want to go-o **_

_**You're hot then you're cold**_

_**You're yes then you're no**_

_**You're in then you're out **_

_**You're up and you're down**_

That's when Nate's eyes connected with Blair's out on the dance floor and she winked. So it wasn't some kind of DJ God sending him a message, it was someone much more powerful.

_**Someone call the doctor**_

_**Got a case of a love bi-polar**_

_**Stuck on a roller coaster**_

_**Can't get off this ride**_

_**You change your mind like a girl changes clothes**_

Nate shook his head as Blair motioned for him to join them and she finally shrugged and turned around.

_**Cause you're hot then you're cold**_

_**You're yes then you're no**_

_**You're in then you're out**_

_**You're up then you're down**_

_**You're wrong when it's right**_

_**It's black and it's white**_

_**We fight, we break up**_

_**We kiss, we make up**_

The song finished and started blending into a new one and Nate couldn't help but laugh at the irony. Blair didn't know this song, at least he didn't think she did, so this one could very well be some kind of sign.

_**I hold on so nervously**_

_**To rid my drink**_

_**I wish it was cooling me**_

_**But so far it's not been good**_

_**It's been shitty**_

_**And I feel awkward as I should**_

This song was like his anthem right now. Speaking the way he felt, in a way that he couldn't.

_**This club has got to be **_

_**The most pretentious thing**_

_**Since I thought of you and me**_

_**Well I am imagining **_

_**A dark lit place**_

_**Or your place or my place**_

He watched Jenny alone this time as she wound her arms around some guy's neck, dancing with him in a way that Nate wanted to dance with her.

_**Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you**_

_**I want to make you move**_

_**Because you're standing still**_

_**If your body matches what your eyes can do **_

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

But he couldn't bring himself to do it, he kept putting it off because he didn't want to ruin anything.

_**I hold out for one more drink **_

_**Before I think**_

_**I'm looking too desperately**_

_**But so far has not been fun**_

_**I should just stay home **_

_**If one thing really means one**_

But he continued watching as her body snaked along some other guys, wishing that it was his body she was rubbing herself against.

_**This club will hopefully **_

_**Be closed by three**_

_**That will be cool with me**_

_**Well, I'm still imagining**_

_**A dark lit place**_

_**With you place on my place**_

At that moment, Jenny's eyes looked with his and stayed there throughout the chorus. It was as if she was summoning him to her and oh how he wanted to go.

_**Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you**_

_**I want to make you move**_

_**Because you're standing still**_

_**If your body matches what your eyes can do **_

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

The instrument break hit and Nate simply couldn't take it anymore so he downed his drink and started walking away from the bar towards the dance floor. When he reached Jenny he simply pulled her to him and started dancing with her.

_**Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you**_

_**I want to make you move**_

_**Because you're standing still**_

_**If your body matches what your eyes can do **_

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

Jenny seemed startled at first but soon enough she wrapped her hands around Nate's neck and started dancing with him. They had somehow maintained eye contact throughout Nate's walk over and the dancing and the gaze between them was intense. Nate leaned his head down at the same moment that Jenny tilted hers up and they kissed. The kiss was deep and passionate, as though they had been waiting to do it for a long time, which they kind of had.

_**Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you**_

_**I want to make you move**_

_**Because you're standing still**_

_**If your body matches what your eyes can do **_

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

Blair watched as Jenny and Nate finally kissed. It was their eyes were locked even as Jenny's body snaked up and down Nate's. Blair turned to Dan and raised her eyebrows to check that he was okay with it and he nodded.

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

_**You'll probably move right through me on my way to you**_

As the song came to a close Dan led Blair off the dance floor. "I think I'm going to head home. I think it will be a lot easier for me to go know knowing that my sister is probably going to be leaving with a guy then to actually see it."

Blair looked towards Nate and Jenny who looked so intimate out on the dance floor. It was hard to watch them being so free and together when she couldn't be like that with the guys she was in love with. "I think I'm going to head out to. Let me go let them know okay."

Blair walked up to the couple still dancing and said loudly over the music. "Guys Dan and I are heading home. Have a good time."

Jenny grabbed Blair's arm. "Wait. I have something for you in my purse."

The girls walked up to the bar and the bartender handed them their bags. Jenny reached in hers and took out the letter from Chuck and placed it into Blair's bag.

"What is that Jenny?" Blair asked curiously.

"Umm, I can't say here. But you'll know when you read it." Jenny said hugging Blair goodbye.

Blair shrugged and she and Dan went outside to catch a couple of cabs. They would have shared but Dan's apartment was further downtown and Blair's was uptown.

"Tonight was fun Humphrey." Blair said as she got into her cab.

As Dan was shutting her cab door he smiled. "That it was Waldorf."

Back inside Nate walked up to Jenny at the bar and wrapped his arms around her. "What do you say we head out of here too."

Jenny turned her head to face him."Okay."

**Spotted: B, J, N, and D seen dancing the night away at Bluelight. Looks like they had fun. B and D left in separate cabs but N and J didn't. I see romance on the horizon for those two.**

* * *

Blair was in the cab on the way home when she remember the note in her bag. Immediately she took it out and opened it. It was from Chuck, she recognized the stationary that he hated so much but his father had insisted upon.

_B,_

_I'm sorry that I had to run off without telling you. We haven't been allowed to speak to one another and I thought that showing up at your house would be a little suspicious so I called Jenny and had her meet me to give you this. I've found something on Marcus, or at least I hope that I have. Something really strange is going on with the British royals and I think Marcus could be involved. I called my travel agent and booked the red eye out, hopefully no one will see me heading to London. Blair, I am going to fix this I swear. Stay safe and out of trouble while I'm gone._

_I love you Blair, always have, always will._

_Chuck_

Blair was crying by the time she finished the letter. This wasn't fair, she loved Chuck and it had taken them both so long to admit it, now the only way they could say it to one another was through letters. They couldn't even text because Marcus was getting the reports from her phone. Something inside her snapped at that moment. It was like she was suddenly thinking clearly again. She was Blair Waldorf, people didn't tell her what she could and couldn't do, she told them.

* * *

Nate opened the door to his house and led Jenny up the stairs.

"You're sure no one's here?" Jenny said quietly.

Nate turned where he was at the top of the stairs and brushed a stray hair off of Jenny's face. "My mom is still staying in the Hamptons. Are you okay Jen, you know that if you don't want to do this we don't have to."

"No, Nate, I want to." Jenny said leaning up and kissing him softly.

_**The dawn is breaking **_

_**A light shining through**_

_**You're barely waking **_

_**And I'm tangled up in you**_

_**Yeah**_

Nate took her hand and guided her to his room. Which was surprisingly clean. "Jen," Nate said turning around. "I really just want to make sure you know before we do this that it isn't like last time, that I am fully aware of what we're doing and I want to be with you."

_**You're open, I'm closed**_

_**Where I follow, you'll go**_

_**I worry I won't see your face **_

_**Light up again**_

Jenny looked at him, seeing the sincere apology in his eyes. "How about we pretend that last time never happened. That this time, is our first time because we were different people then and I want to be with this Nate Archibald. The one that cares about me and checks to see that I'm okay."

Nate took a step towards her. "That sounds perfect." He bent over and started kissing her. Still gently but infused with passion now.

_**Even the best fall down sometimes**_

_**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme **_

_**Out of the doubt that fills my mind **_

_**I somehow find, you and I collide**_

Jenny reached to the hem of Nate's shirt and slowly pulled it over his head, before kissing him again.

Nate stepped behind her, moving her hair over one shoulder and kissing her neck on the other as he unzipped her dress.

_**I'm quiet, you know**_

_**You make a first impression**_

_**I've found I'm scared to know **_

_**I'm always on your mind**_

The dress was strapless and slid down as Nate lifted Jenny's arms above her head. She then turned to face him and dropped her arms to his belt. He continued kissing her as she unbuckled his belt and let his pants fall.

_**Even the best fall down sometimes**_

_**Even the stars refuse to shine**_

_**Out of the back you fall in time**_

_**I somehow find, you and I collide**_

Nate bent down and lifted her, cradling her in his arms and she leaned upwards and kissed him as he carried her over to the bed, where he laid her down. He lifted himself over her, careful not to put too much of his weight on her.

_**Don't stop here**_

_**I've lost my place**_

_**I'm close behind**_

Nate was sure to be gentle, he wanted this time to be perfect, especially if Jenny was going to think of this as her real first time, since he had screwed up her actual first time so much. So as she unclasped her strapless bra, he slowly removed her underwear and his own. He moved back to her neck kissing her there and along her jaw and to her mouth.

_**Even the best fall down sometimes**_

_**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme **_

_**Out of the doubt that fills my mind **_

_**I somehow find, you and I collide**_

Before he entered her he looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you." Then he pushed in. She arched her back as he moved inside her. He was slow and sensual about his movements and Jenny moved with him.

_**You finally find**_

_**You and I collide**_

_**You finally find**_

_**You and I collide**_

They were both close to climax and Jenny whispered, "I love you too Nate." Before they both came.

* * *

Blair wasn't surprised to find Marcus in the foyer when she got home; she had grown to expect it. But tonight she was actually glad that he was there. "Good, you're here. I don't have to go find you." She said as she walked towards him.

Marcus stood and moved toward her. He would normally be pleased that Blair wanted to see him but he knew that tone in her voice all too well. "What's the problem tonight Blair? Are you going to whine and bitch some more about what I will and won't let you do?

Blair shook her head and smirked stepping right up in front of him and resumed speaking in a controlled steady voice. "No Marcus, I'm done whining and bitching because you see I've realized something. All this time you have been pushing me around, trying to control me, why? Because you want me. It's all about power with you and you have spent the past two weeks trying to prove to me that you have power over me. Why? Because you are scared I'll figure out that in reality you don't."

Marcus's jaw was set as Blair raised her eyebrows and continued. "The only thing you have you are already using against me to get me to marry you. Something all of us have neglected to notice is that if you use that now to punish me for not doing what you want, then there's no way in hell I'm walking down that aisle. So you see Marcus, I'm really the one with the power. You are going to get what you want as long as we can't find a way to stop you. But until then you have no power; so you see there's absolutely no need for me to whine and bitch."

Marcus was about to start talking but Blair raised her hand to signal him to stop. "Don't bother contradicting me Marcus. What are you going to say, that you'll release the sex tape, Marcus? Because I know you won't."

This time Marcus managed to get a few words in. "And how would you know that Blair?"

"For one thing you say that you want me to be happy, not enough so that you wanting me to be happy outweighs your desire to possess me, but either way, releasing that tape would not make me happy. Second, I have a suspicion that some part of you actually gives a damn about me and you wouldn't do something like that to me. And as with those rules that your wedding planner follows, if neither one of the first two things happen to actually be true, I am banking on the fact that you wouldn't marry someone, maybe not even be allowed to marry me, if I had a sex tape out."

Marcus stood there for a minute glaring at Blair, before his gaze abruptly softened, almost as though his outer defensive shell collapsed. "I would have never used the tape, and not for the third reason, either." Marcus said defeated. But his voice gained strength as he continued. "But I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about this Blair."

Blair smirked. "Yet there's nothing that you can do about it because you know I'm right."

Marcus tilted his chin up signifying that she was indeed right but he didn't say anything.

With that Blair continued. "Now for the new rules."

Marcus rolled his eyes and Blair couldn't help but laugh, not really a genuine laugh, it was more the laugh of someone who had been scheming. "I'm not naïve enough to suggest that we not see each other. You are my fiancé whether I like it or not and we will be expected to be seen together. Therefore, we will go out together three days a week, Saturday mornings we will have some kind of brunch outing, one night a week we will go for a dinner date, and one day a week we will go out on some form of group date, a party or a double date. In these times hand holding and mild affectionate touching is acceptable, a hello or goodbye kiss on the cheek or lightly on the mouth is also allowed, simply because it is expected. Other than in these instances, there will be no touching, no more visiting me at school for lunch, no showing up here; that stuff is done. If you need me you can call me. I will do whatever I want to do with whomever I want to do it. Do you get it Marcus, I'm taking my life back."

Marcus ran a hand through his hair. He knew that there was absolutely nothing that he could do about this so he complied. "So what now?"

"Well that's easy Marcus, now you go home. I trust you know your way out." Blair said haughtily as she turned and walked up the stairs to her room.

As soon as she was there she put on her nightgown, looked in the mirror, and smiled she was back. So she picked up her phone and called Chuck. It went straight to voice mail, it was after all something like six am in London. "Chuck, it's me Blair, come home. I've taken care of Marcus until the wedding and I miss you."

* * *

Chuck got Blair's message as soon as he woke up. There was a lot of work that still needed to be done in London but it took him all of two minutes to decide that it was nothing that the PIs couldn't look into now that Chuck had shown them where to look. So he took the next flight in.

**Change is in the air Upper East Siders and may I just say that it was long overdue. Tonight was definitely the night for picking your battles, fighting the fight, and letting the chips fall where they may. With all the insanity that hit the streets today, I can only wonder what tomorrow brings. Until next time,**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**

* * *

**

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed, I know it's long. Reviews are always appreciated.

**Songs:**

**Hot N Cold: Katy Perry**

**Paralyzer: Finger Eleven**

**Collide: Howie Day**


	27. 8 Seconds Left in Overtime

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I am back at school and still doing two fanfics so I'm stretched a little thin. I hope you all enjoy.**

**One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**WARNING: It does get more M rated near the end.**

**___________________________________________________**

Chuck had seen Blair for the first time since he left for England when he picked her up for school because the first plane he could get, didn't get in until that morning. After some serious catching up in the limo, he dropped her off at the steps so that he could meet Nathaniel and smoke a joint before heading in.

Blair reluctantly got out of the limo, only to find Serena sitting with Penelope and Hazel on the stairs. Blair shook her head and rolled her eyes as she walked up the street to where Jenny was standing. She had finally gotten her priorities in order; who cared who the Queen B was of some stupid high school. Real life was more intense, and way more important.

Serena noticed immediately that Blair didn't care. She was taken the thing that she thought Blair would care about the most and Blair barely blinked a perfectly made up eyelash. That was the only reason that Serena had done this; she wanted to get Blair's attention and didn't know another way. So she jumped up and ran down the street after Blair. "Blair, please wait up." When Blair didn't stop Serena yelled louder. "Are you ever going to stop being mad at me, it has been two weeks and I miss my best friend?"

Blair turned around, almost causing Serena to run into her. Serena was expecting anger or emotion of some form but Blair looked almost peaceful. "I'm not mad at you Serena. I'm just over it. Over everything. I'm done with all the childish high school games."

Serena looked at Blair for a minute and Blair looked back. "You're different now aren't you?"

Blair looked to Jenny, then looked across the street where she spotted Dan taking a hit with Nate and Chuck. That surprised even her but she looked back at Serena and after thinking about it she nodded. "I think so."

"I get that but Blair I am so so sorry and I want you back as my friend. Please. I only did it because I missed you guys . . ."

Blair smiled. "You don't have to finish Serena, Nate, Chuck, and Dan have pretty much filled me in. If it was me I probably would have done something different but I get it. This new different me gets it. I don't want to spend my time being angry at the people I care about." At that Blair turned and spun Jenny around as well before linking arms with both girls. "By the way, the fitting for your bridesmaid dress is tomorrow."

Serena gave Blair a side hug and squealed before continuing with them towards school. Or at least she would have if she hadn't spotted Dan, Nate, and Chuck walking towards them. "B, I'll catch up with you guys later okay, I really need to talk to Dan."

Blair laughed. "Go get your man back S." She and Jenny continued on, now accompanied by Nate and Chuck, both of whom shot Serena a not so nice look, leaving Serena and Dan to talk.

"Hey." Serena said shyly.

"Hey." Dan said. He hadn't smoked nearly enough to be high but he definitely felt good and he was tired of all of the childish games. He wanted to be with Serena and that was that. So after a few moments of standing there awkwardly listening to her apologize, he pulled her into a hug. "I love you Serena and all I ever wanted was for you to fix things with everyone else. I understood what you did from the very beginning."

When Serena brought her head back up she was crying. "Everyone is making this a lot easier than I thought they would. I would have punished me more. The only person that hasn't forgiven me now is Nate and Chuck but Chuck will now that Blair has."

Dan smiled. "They're your friends Serena. They want you back as their friend more than they want you to pay for what you did. As for Nate, he will come around. He and Jenny are together now and he's the happiest I've seen him since that time last year after Christmas when things were going well with him and Blair."

"I don't deserve you." Serena said smiling through her tears.

Dan laughed. "Funny, a year ago I would have said the same thing about you." He was glad that they were back like they were suppose to be. "Lets go to class."

Serena nodded and laced her fingers with his before heading into the school courtyard.

**Look's like things are back to normal on the UES. S and D are back together and I for one am glad. With thins so tumultuous in the lives of our other high school royalty we need a little stability in our lives. Speaking of changes, J and N seem to have made the leap from friendship to relationship, V didn't look too happy when she saw them in the courtyard this morning. I guess someone still holds a flame for our deliciously confused N. As for B, it seems like she and C are friends once more. Or is it more than that? With B's wedding quickly approaching she better make a decision quick. So what is it B, are you in on this engagement or are you out? **

**you know you love me,**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**_________________________________________________________________________**

Blair would stop time if she could. Ever since she and Serena had made up, it had felt like the world was flying by. She had always wanted her life to be a movie but she wanted scenes with dialogue and it felt like everything was some kind of musical montage.

Everyone was getting frantic. Two weeks until the wedding and her birthday party. It felt like she was running out of time. They all were.

_**I never knew,  
I never knew that everything,  
Was falling through.  
That everyone I knew,  
Was waiting on a cue,  
To turn and run,  
When all I needed was the truth.**_

The wedding plans were starting to consume Blair's life; while at the same time, Chuck's was being consumed by finding anything on Marcus. Everything he had tried, every lead, every possibility, had come up empty and he wasn't sure if there was anything else he could do.

_**But that's how it's got to be.  
It's coming down to,  
Nothing more than apathy.  
I'd rather run the other way,  
Than stay and see,  
The smoke and who's still,  
Standing when it clears.**_

Jenny and Serena had taken over planning Blair's birthday party. It was the least they could do. As soon as the rehearsal dinner was over the party would start. It could give Blair one last night to be a high school girl, having a normal birthday party with her friends.

_**And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.**_

Nate and Dan were trying their best to help Chuck. They along with Chuck and Eric were still Marcus's best men; however, Marcus had no idea that they knew that Blair didn't want to marry him. They acted like they were his friends hoping he would confide, something, anything, in them that they could use against him.

_**Let's rearrange.  
I wish you were a stranger,  
I could disengage.  
Just say that we agree,  
And then never change.  
Soften a bit,  
Until we all just get along.**_

Every moment they weren't working and even most of the ones that they were, Chuck and Blair were together. Drinking in the time that they could because they didn't know how much time they were going to have.

_**But that's disregard.  
You find another friend,  
And you discard,  
As you lose the argument,  
In a cable car,  
Hanging above,  
As the canyon comes between.**_

Blair was getting scared. It was Thursday and the Wedding was Sunday. Chuck was finding anything and neither were Dan and Nate. She buried herself further in the wedding plans, hoping against all hope that something would turn up.

_**And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on - oh.**_

The night of the rehearsal dinner, Dan was picking up Marcus's suite at the drycleaners. As he paid the woman she stopped him. "Wait, sir, this was in the pocket of the suit."

Dan thanked her and walked out. He hadn't thought much of the paper until he noticed that it was a letter. From Marcus's father of all people. Dan couldn't resist opening it, who knew, it might be just what they were looking for. As he read the letter he thought he was going to collapse. If he was reading it correctly this letter indicated that Marcus and his father were trying to dispose of his brother. Trying to make him ill. His father thought Marcus would be the better king. This was crazy and exactly what they were looking for. He had to get it to Chuck.

_**And suddenly,  
I become a part of your past.  
I'm becoming the part,  
That don't last.  
I'm losing you,  
And its effortless.**_

The letter Dan had given him at the beginning of the rehearsal dinner was burning a hole in Chuck's pants as he sat there playing the good best man. As soon as they were done and headed to the party he pulled Blair aside. "We may have something. I need to look into it so I'll be late to your party."

Blair immediately grabbed her coat. "I'll go with you." The hope in her eyes was evident.

Chuck kissed her cheek. "No, you can't miss your own birthday party. I'll be there soon."

_**Without a sound,  
We lose sight of the ground,  
In the throw around.  
Never thought that you wanted,  
To bring it down.  
I won't let it go down,  
'Till we torch it ourselves.**_

Blair went to the party and it was fabulously done. Every last detail was perfect and all of her high school friends were there. It was everything she would have wanted but all she could think about was where Chuck was and what he might have found.

_**And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.**_

Chuck checked with the PI's but none of them had noticed anything off about Marcus's father and his brother was in perfect health. Chuck didn't know what this meant. He was still at the ballroom where the dinner was held pacing when Marcus walked in. Chuck tried to hide the letter but Marcus had already seen it.

"Ahh, so you found the fake? I hoped you would." Marcus smirked.

Chuck who was normally so controlled couldn't help but react. "What fake would you be referring to?"

_**Everyone knows,  
She's on your mind  
Everyone knows,  
I'm in over my head.  
I'm in over my head.  
I'm in over my...  
**_  
Marcus grinned. "The letter in your hand. I planted it weeks ago hoping Humphrey would find it and pass it along to you. I wanted you busy so that you wouldn't be around. I guess I will just have to be content with the fact that it kept you away from Blair on her last night here."

Chuck's face had taken on a vicious look. "You son of a bitch." Then he stormed past Marcus and hailed a cab to Blair's party. The asshole was right, he had caused him to lose hours that could have been spent with Blair.

_**  
And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.**_

"Did the lead pan out?" Blair said sneaking into the room and shutting the door behind her. Blair was careful when sneaking away from the party, she didn't want anyone to come looking for her especially since either way she and Chuck were going to want to be alone. She had been hopeful but the look on Chuck's face told her everything. He hadn't been able to find anything substantial. After everything they still weren't going to be able to get out of this mess. That had been their last hope. Blair grabbed the banister to the bed and allowed herself sit down for the first time all evening.

"It was a set up. Marcus wanted me to find it to keep me busy." Chuck reached over and grabbed her hand. He had failed. How could he have failed, how? Why couldn't they beat this. He had exhausted all of his resources trying to find some kind of proof, just a tiny piece of hard evidence that they could use against Marcus; but all of his people had been unable to deliver. He himself had worked day and night trying to figure something out, he literally hadn't slept in days and if he did it was never more than an hour at a time. But he couldn't give up hope, he had to keep trying for Blair because he couldn't lose her, not again, not after everything. "Blair, there's still time, I can still find something." Chuck said starting to get up.

But Blair stopped him, saying in a quiet, defeated voice, "No there isn't Chuck. The wedding is tomorrow afternoon and then, well then we leave tomorrow night."

Chuck couldn't help but notice that Blair sounded tired and broken down. "I'm not giving up Blair, I can't. I can't give up because I can't lose you." Chuck said sounding desperate himself. She may not be able to fight anymore but he wasn't going to stop. If he lost her he didn't want to go on living anyway.

"Chuck, it was always a stretch, a part of me was still hoping but we eventually just have to face the fact that I'm going to have to go through with this marriage. There isn't another option. It's not because we didn't try. God knows we did but I have to think that if we were going to find something we would have already found it." Blair said with more conviction than she knew that she possessed.

"Blair, I'm not going to let you go through with this to protect me. Why can't you get that if you aren't in my life I don't want to live, you shouldn't be doing this for me." Chuck was getting angry and frustrated because they really were out of options. Damn it, it wasn't suppose to be like this. In the movie that was their lives he would have found the evidence just in the knick of time and rushed in on his white horse to rescue Blair. But they were never the movie type. No Chuck and Blair were representative of reality and in reality things were so much more difficult. But part of that difficulty is what made things worth it. But this, this wasn't fair.

"Please Chuck, I don't want to argue tonight. If tonight is all we have together I don't want to remember it filled with arguing." Blair said looking Chuck straight in the eye. Blair had no intention to return home tonight. Marcus knew where she was going to be and even if he minded she didn't care.

The exhaustion in her voice was evident once more. Blair had truly given up. Chuck knew her well enough that he could tell. Hell he knew her better than anyone ever could and that is how he knew that tonight he just needed to give her what she wanted. Chuck brushed a strand of her chocolate curls back from her face before whispering, "Okay."

_**I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

Blair hadn't even been aware that there was music playing in the room until she heard the words of the song. She had to smile because it fit so well. It was a special version of the Sarah McLachlan song that Jason Mraz had arranged with Sarah's permission and performed at the Constance/St. Jude graduation the year before. She looked over at the mirror in the room and Chuck kissed her shoulder. Blair knew he was remembering this same night a little less than a year ago, Chuck comforting her for a very different reason. Blair locked her hand with his and whispered, "Remember me," before kissing Chuck.

_**Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one **_

Chuck wanted to give Blair everything in the world. Damn he would give his life for her but he knew that she wasn't going to let him. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, so much he wanted to say but most of all he wanted to give her what she wanted. "Always, Blair." Chuck said against her lips. "I will always remember you. I couldn't forget you if I wanted to and I would never want to."

_**I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

Blair closed her eyes. Trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill out. "I love you Chuck Bass." she managed to choke out.

The pain in her voice almost killed him. And he barely breathed out the words, "I love you Blair Waldorf. Always have, always will."

_**I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard **_

Blair had known exactly what Chuck was saying. They were like one person, or two halves of one person and neither knew how they were going to survive without the other. After all that they had been through, Blair couldn't help but think that this wasn't fair, Audrey Hepburn movies never ended like this, she always came out on top in the end. But Blair had realized that her life wasn't a movie, she wasn't Audrey, this was life and life wasn't fair. Chuck had been her rock, he had helped her through some of the toughest times in her life and she was willing to give up everything to save him. After the number of times that he had saved her, she knew that he deserved it. So she was determined to protect him, whether he wanted her to or not.

_**But I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories **_

Chuck kissed Blair again, so softly that it was just a slight tingle at first. A tingle that burned, but he didn't stop there. He didn't want to let her go but she was determined and if tonight was all they had then he was going to make sure that every moment was a memory that she could keep. He slowly undressed her and then himself, never breaking eye contact. Even when the tears started falling, Chuck never looked away.

_**I was afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light**_

Soon she was crying and she could see how much it hurt Chuck but she could also see his determination to give her this night. He kissed her in all the places that made her moan, only breaking eye contact when there was no way around it. He was attentive in the extreme, giving her more pleasure than she had ever thought possible. She tried more than once to return the favor and he simply whispered, "It isn't about me and even if it was, being with you, that's more than enough."

_**And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

Blair had no idea how many hours passed because time meant nothing that night but she was sure there was nothing that she was going to forget about it. As they made love for the last time she swore that she would always remember everything about Chuck. His scent, his touch, the way he tasted, the sounds he made, the way he felt inside her. She would remember it all for as long as she was alive.

He spent the entire night taking care of her every want and need and memorizing everything about her. The curves of her body, the way she breathed, the feel of her lips, the touch of her hair. Everything. He internalized it all promising himself that there was nothing about Blair Waldorf that he wasn't going to remember no matter how far away from him she was, she was always going to be with him in his memories and in his heart.

_**Weep not for the memories**_

_________________________________________________________________________

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it. The songs were Over My Head by the Fray and I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **


	28. Wedding Bells

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I am back at school and still doing two other fanfics so I'm stretched a little thin. I hope you all enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**_____________________________________________**

Chuck was simply watching Blair sleep. He couldn't help but think that this would be the last time he got to do this. He had failed her in every way possible. He couldn't let her do this to save him, he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve her at all, why should she be the one to pay for this when it was all happening because he couldn't handle the way he felt about her to begin with. No, he wouldn't let her do this.

"Blair, wake up." Chuck said rubbing her back.

Her eyelashes fluttered as she slowly awoke in her favorite place; Chuck's arms. "I'm getting married today." She whispered.

Chuck shook his head. "No you're not Blair. I can't let you."

Blair rolled her eyes. "We've had this argument a thousand times Chuck and I always end up winning. I'm doing this. I won't let you get sent to jail when you didn't do anything wrong."

"The only reason I always let you win is because I thought I could find a way out of this. I never intended to let you get married Blair." Chuck said seriously.

"You don't have a choice Chuck, we can't fight Marcus; there is absolutely no way that we would win." Blair said snapping.

"We can win Blair. My lawyers are the best money can buy. He may have the crown but I've got more money that the entire British royal line. Anyone he can buy off I can pay higher. This isn't a discussion Blair. I'm telling you you're not getting married to that son of a bitch."

Blair bit her lip and glared at Chuck. She thought that they had settled this. "I won't risk that and if I am going to lose you one way or another then I would rather it be like this, with me getting married."

"Blair, why don't you understand, this isn't your problem so stop trying to be the martyr, I can handle all of it myself." Chuck said angrily, standing up.

Blair was practically screaming now. "Don't you get it? I love you and I will not let you go to jail for me, I would rather die. I am getting married today whether you want me to or not Chuck and I would rather spend what time we can together not fighting."

Chuck didn't know what else he could do. He was so angry his eyes were blurring. Chuck could feel his heart pounding and the blood pulsing through his veins. He grabbed his clothes throwing them on. Maybe if she realized how unworthy of saving he was she wouldn't go through with it. "I'm done Blair, I refuse to stand by and watch you marry him. The game's over I quit." He then stormed out, well aware of the fact that he left Blair in tears.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Wedding bells are ringing today for the reigning UES Princess. I hear everyone who's anyone is going to be at the church except maybe C. What's the matter C, don't like the thought of B marrying someone else? See you all at the church.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

Marcus was looking all over the Church for his groomsmen. Chuck was of course missing, Marcus had definitely expected it. Chuck probably thought that he could find something in time to stop the wedding. Unfortunately for Chuck, there wasn't anything that he could threaten to expose that would make Marcus not go through with this, he was suppose to be the bad boy so a little acting out here and there wouldn't really hurt his reputation. So he was looking for Nate to promote him to best man.

Marcus didn't even realize where he was until he heard voices on the other side of the door. He was in the bridal chamber and it sounded like Blair was in the attached bathroom with Serena and Jenny. Marcus didn't have time to get out, only to hide, so he did in one of the empty closets. Just as he had properly concealed himself, Blair and her two best friends walked back into the room. Blair looked stunning in her gown. Jenny had done a wonderful job, it was a white strapless dress, simple and yet elegant and classy. Something one imagined an old Hollywood movie star to wear. Blair's hair was curled and flipped into an up do with curly tendrils framing her face. She took his breath away.

"Blair I'm sure he'll show up." Serena said. Which Jenny immediately followed with. "He would never let you go through this alone. Oh and by the way I texted Gossip Girl yesterday telling her to lay off of the numerous posts about you and Chuck. The deal was that she didn't post anything about you guys yet lately that's all she's posting. She texted me back instantly saying that since there is technically no relationship then the terms of are agreement are void. I'm sorry B, but I tried."

Blair was dangerously close to tears and her make-up was already done. Marcus could since disaster on that particular horizon. "Don't worry about it Jenny, that's not important anymore. I just want Chuck. You didn't see him this morning. He hates me for doing this. He doesn't care that it's all just to protect him, he can't stand that I am marrying some other guy. Chuck acted like this whole thing had been a game."

At that point Nate and Dan walked into the room. "Blair you look beautiful." Nate said with a twinkle in his eye.

Dan looked at Blair, Serena had texted them and told them that Blair needed their support. "You know he is going to be here right? Blair he loves you and Nate's right, you look amazing."

Blair looked around at all of her closest friends. "I don't think I can do this." Her voice was weak and she was shaking. Marcus didn't know if he had a heart at all but hearing her sound and look like that made something in his chest hurt. It felt like something was squeezing inside making him gasp for breath. In that moment he almost called it all off but right before he revealed himself none other than Chuck Bass walked in the door.

Blair looked up at him. "Chuck." She whispered.

Chuck looked at her so pail and fragile in all her glamorous clothing and wanted to hurt himself for doing what he did this morning. He should have known better than to try to change Blair's mind. "Waldorf, I still am not okay with this wedding happening, I would rather deal with the fallout than lose you." Blair acted as though she was going to speak and Chuck held up again. "But I'm not going to argue with you anymore, I learned a long time ago that once you've decided on something you're going to do it."

Blair stood and ran and hugged him. Chuck kissed her forehead then her lips and was still locked in her embrace with the door opened once more, revealing Harold Waldorf, ready to walk his daughter down the aisle.

Harold's eyes widdened taking in the scene before him. Serena, Dan, Nate, Jenny, and Blair and Chuck still holding each other were all present in the room. He was shocked to say the least. "Shouldn't you all be somewhere else?" Harold asked.

Everyone nodded and Chuck gave Blair a lingering stare before walking out the door. In the hustle and bustle Marcus managed to move from his spot in the corner closet to the bathroom which was accessible from the outside. That way he would eventually be able to sneak out but he could still hear. Now that he had started eavesdropping, he couldn't seem to stop.

"Blair, what did I just walk in on?" Harold had been watching his daughter closely over the past few days that he had been in town and he was concerned. His daughter was much too young to be getting married and she and Marcus hadn't even known each other that long. She clearly still had feelings for Charles Bass yet she was marrying another man.

Blair put on her best innocent face. "Nothing daddy, my friends were just wishing me luck and giving me the whole something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue things."

Harold narrowed his eyes scrutinizing Blair, he could tell that his daughter was lying to him but he let it go. "If you are doing this to get back at Chuck for leaving you this summer don't do it baby. While I enjoy vengeance as much as the next person, it's no good if you don't end up happy."

"This has nothing to do with revenge." Blair practically snapped.

Harold frowned. He knew he had to tell Blair about Chuck's visit. "Blair, when you were staying with us in France Chuck came. He wanted to see you and Roman and I wouldn't allow it. I'm sorry I just didn't want you to be hurt by him again but from the look in his eyes that night and the look in his eyes five minutes ago that boy couldn't hurt you without killing himself. He is in love with you Blair, more in love than I have ever seen a boy his age be." Harold was ready for Blair to be angry with him but she gave him a sad smile instead.

"I know." Blair said quietly. "I know all of that. Chuck told me about his visit late this summer and I know how he feels about me."

Harold became insistent. "Most people never know that kind of love Blair; if you feel the same way about him then you have to stop this wedding."

Blair smiled at her father, she wanted to tell him she did but she knew she couldn't so she simply looked at the clock and said, "Let's go find my bridesmaids, it's time."

Harold shook his head at Blair. "I don't approve of this."

Blair smirked this time. "You don't have to, I know I'm not 18 but mom can sign the marriage license and I'll be 18 tomorrow anyway so it doesn't really matter." Blair said walking towards the door.

"I could refuse to walk you down the aisle." Harold said following her.

Glancing back at her father as she opened the door Blair said assuredly. "But you won't because just like Chuck, if I'm going to do this you're going to be there." Then Blair turned and walked through the doorway, with her dad close on her heels.

Marcus had listened to the whole thing. He had never known why Blair and Chuck had split in the first place; it apparently had something to do with him not going to France though. But Marcus didn't have time to ponder it because he looked down at his watch and realized that it really was time so he exited the other end of the bathroom and hurried around to the front of the church where his groomsmen were waiting, glaring at him. All pretenses were apparently off. "Suck it up boys, we have a wedding to get through." All four plastered on fake smiles and followed him to the front of the church.

Meanwhile Blair was at the back of the Church with her bridesmaids and flower girl. As the music started, the little flower girl that Blair had never actually met started down the aisle. Once she was near the front Kati started walking, she had flown in this morning to be here for Blair's wedding, then Isabel followed Kati. Before she started walking Serena turned and hugged Blair. "I love you B."

"You too S." Blair whispered as Serena started walking.

Jenny turned and faced Blair, taking one of her hands. "Are you ready to do this? Or if you want I'll go up there right now and tell them that the whole thing is off?"

Blair shook her head and Jenny kissed Blair's cheek before starting down the aisle.

As soon as the aisle was cleared, Blair heard the guests rise, and the music of her favorite song begin. As the notes of Jesu Joy of Mans Desiring echoed through the church, Blair began to walk. When she was in sight of the altar, her knees begin to shake. She looked at her bridesmaids and her future husband but it was the sight of Chuck looking at her and smiling that got her to the altar.

The preacher began the ceremony but Chuck and Blair never stopped looking into each other's eyes. To anyone other than Marcus and the groomsmen it would look as though she was focused on her future husband but she wouldn't have cared if the whole church knew. Even as Blair said her vows she looked at Chuck. When the preacher asked the all important question, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Blair's gaze never left Chuck's as she practically whispered. "I do." Both Chuck and Blair were struggling to maintain their composure as Blair officially became the wife of someone else.

**Gossip Girl here. For all of you lowly folk who didn't get the invite to the biggest social event of the season, it was a lovely ceremony, if only B could have taken her eyes off a certain best man. Did you think I wouldn't notice B? Never forget I notice everything.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

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A/N: Hope you all enjoyed it. I have Chapter 29 finished and I am really excited for you guys to get to read it but I am forcing myself to update my other two fanfics before I post it. So if all goes well I will have a lot of updates the next couple of days.

Reviews are always appreciated.


	29. The Good Guys Don't Always Win

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I am back at school and still doing two other fanfics so I'm stretched a little thin. I have been so looking forward to posting this chapter, it's been done for a very long time and I am so excited for you all to read it. I hope you all enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**__________________________________________________________**

Chuck stumbled a little and had to grab on to the tent for balance. He could usually hold his alcohol better than this but his emotions seemed to be wrecking havoc on his level of alcohol tolerance. Not that that stopped him from refilling his glass of scotch. The wedding was hell to watch, especially from right next to Marcus. He could see Blair's face again as she promised to love, honor, and cherish Marcus until the day she died. His only consolation had been that she was looking at him the entire time. Seeing her face, hearing those words in his memory, just made him drink again. From his new place against the tent Chuck saw Blair getting ready for her father daughter dance. He knew which song she would have chosen and at that moment he made a split second decision to do something insane. Chuck ran up onto the stage and grabbed the microphone, he suddenly felt totally sober now that he had something to focus on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. It is now time for the father daughter dance. If our bride would please step out front here."

Blair gasped as she heard Chuck's voice over the microphone. What was he doing? She moved quickly to the stage where she said through her teeth. "Chuck, what are you doing?"

Chuck smiled at her before bending down. "I want to give you something special."

To which Blair hissed, "Chuck you're drunk."

"Don't worry so much Waldorf." Chuck replied, effectively ending the conversation. He then turned around and cued the band. "Go Waldorf, you're dad's waiting."

Blair turned toward the dance floor where sure enough her dad was waiting for her. Waiting for her special dance, the one she had dreamed about since she was a kid.

As Chuck started singing, Blair took her father's hand and they began to dance.

_**Back when I was a child  
Before life removed all the innocence**_

_**My father would lift me high  
And dance with my mother and me and then  
Spin me around till I fell asleep  
Then up the stairs he would carry me  
And I knew for sure I was loved**_

"Blair" Harold said to his lovely young daughter, whose head was resting against his chest.

"Yes Daddy?" Blair replied looking up at her father.

"Why am I dancing the father daughter dance, at the wedding of my almost eighteen year old daughter to a man that she doesn't love?" Harold said in a soft voice.

_**If I could get another chance  
Another walk, another dance with him,  
I'd play a song that would never ever end  
How I'd love love love, to dance with my father again**_

Blair's face turned white. Was it that obvious that she didn't love Marcus. She thought she had done a good job acting.

"Don't worry baby girl, no one else, except perhaps your mother, your friends over there" Harold said gesturing to where Jenny and Nate were standing with Serena and Dan, "and Chuck himself even knows, oh yes and the groom of course. You've played the role of the glowing bride well. But I'm your father and I can tell when my little girl is in love and when she isn't." Harold added brushing a curl that had fallen from Blair's hair behind her ear.

"Daddy you're wrong I do love him." Blair said trying to deny what her father found so blatantly obvious.

_**When I and my mother would disagree  
To get my way I would run from her to him  
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me(yeah, yeah)  
Then finally make me do just what my momma said  
Later that night, when I was asleep  
He left a dollar under my sheet  
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me**_

"If by him you mean Chuck, then yes I know." Harold smiled a sad smile. "I told you this morning before you walked down the aisle that Chuck came to France this summer, that you shouldn't go this far for revenge, that he loves you, yet you claimed that you knew all of this and that none of this was about revenge. But if that isn't what this is about I don't understand why we are where we are dancing to this song that always makes you cry."

"I can't explain Daddy." Blair said in a voice that was barely a whisper.

_**If I could steal  
One final glance  
One final step  
One final dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never ever end  
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again**_

"Try" Harold was pleading with his daughter. He wanted to understand more than anything.

Blair thought about it for a moment. How wonderful it would be to confess everything to her father and let him make it all go away. But then the consequences flashed before her eyes. The sex tape, Chuck going to jail and she couldn't do it. Blair squeezed her eyes shut, willing it to all go away, but she reopened them as resolved as ever. "I can't."

_**Sometimes I'd listen outside her door  
I'd hear how my mother cried for him  
I'd pray for her even more than me  
I'd pray for her even more than me**_

Harold's eyes were still pleading with his daughter. Begging her to tell him what was going on.

"Just know that I'm okay, that I'm safe." Blair could tell it wasn't enough. "I don't think that Marcus loves me, because I'm pretty sure that he doesn't know the meaning of the word, but he cares about me in his own weird way, he would never let anything bad happen to me. Plus, you've always said that I should have been born a princess right?" Blair added with a sorry attempt at a smile.

"That isn't funny Blairbear." Harold said with a serious tone.

"I know." Blair whispered.

_**I know I'm praying for much too much  
But could you send back the only man she loved  
I know you don't do it usually  
But dear Lord she' s dying to dance with my father again**_

"I'm not going to get you to change your mind am I" Harold said defeated.

Blair shook her head.

"Okay then, but if things change and you aren't safe, call me and I'll be in London in less than six hours, okay?"

"Okay" Blair said before laying her head back on his shoulder to finish the song.

_**Every night I fall asleep  
And this is all I ever dream**_

No one in the room was surprised when Chuck had gotten up on stage. They had seen him drinking in corners all night stealing looks at the bride. Everyone knew what had gone unsaid; the Bass boy had always been in love with the Waldorf girl. So no one said anything as he drank himself sick. They had expected him to stumble on stage and make a drunken toast, as was the job of the best man, and probably make a fool of himself. While no one was surprised when he went up there, everyone was surprised when he started singing. Not a single one of them knew that he was so talented.

When he finished the song, the actual wedding singer was pissed but Eleanor Waldorf walked over and dismissed him. She saw the way that Charles Bass looked at her daughter. He had been looking at Blair like that since they were children and more recently she had noticed the way that her daughter looked at him. Eleanor was not about to come between Charles and the microphone if it kept him from making a scene at this reception. Nothing good would come of challenging him tonight. So when he finished the father daughter dance and announced that it was time for the bride and groom's special dance, Eleanor did nothing to stop him.

Blair looked at Chuck as Marcus approached her on the dance floor. Chuck tipped his head at her, telling her silently to go dance that everything was fine and he was going to continue singing. Blair knew that this was a song that very few people could possibly pull off, she had chosen the wedding singer that she had based on this song because Marcus had insisted that it be their song. But there was no doubt in her mind that Chuck was going to be able to pull it off so as the intro came to an end she took Marcus's hand.

_**I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,  
While you're far away and dreaming,  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,  
I could stay lost in this moment forever,  
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,**_

Chuck's eyes were not leaving Blair and he didn't care who noticed. It wasn't that unusual for the wedding singer to watch the couple he was singing to was it? So he watched as Marcus spun the love of his life around the floor as he sang words that expressed how he felt for Blair in a way he wasn't sure he would ever be able to articulate.

_**I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.**_

It was hard, harder than he thought it would be when he had the idea, but he wanted to give her something more, more than last night, more than the wedding gift that he would give her later. He wanted to give her the gift of hearing him sing her these words, since he couldn't be the one dancing with her.

_**Lying close to you,  
feeling your heart beating,  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,  
And then I kiss your eyes,  
And thank God we're together,  
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,  
Forever and ever.**_

Blair couldn't focus on anything around the room as Marcus spun her around, but she found Chuck anytime she could manage and every time she was able to find him her eyes connected with his. She tried to communicate in those fleeting glances the feelings that she was experiencing. The love, the gratitude, for all he was doing for her, to make her happy.

_**I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.**_

She knew that she was suppose to be looking at her husband, sharing this moment with him but she really didn't care. This was her wedding and she was going to stare at whoever she damn well pleased. This was a dance that she wasn't ready to be doing but if she had to do it, she would only want to do it with Chuck. At that moment, when Blair's eyes connected with Chuck's once more she realized that she could have been ready to promise her life to someone today, she could have promised it to Chuck, she loved him that much.

_**And I don't wanna miss one smile,  
I don't wanna miss one kiss,  
I just wanna be with you,  
Right here with you, just like this,  
Well I just wanna hold you close,  
And feel your heart so close to mine,  
And just stay here in this moment,  
For all the rest of time  
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah**_

Marcus danced with Blair, his bride, he thought that marrying her would change things somehow; make things different. Maybe she would snap out of this fixation she had with Chuck. They were in high school, they couldn't really be in love. He could offer her everything she had ever wanted in life, he had just made her a fucking Princess, yet here she was spending their special dance looking at Chuck Bass. He couldn't help but feel his heart clinch, if she wasn't going to realize that he could be everything for her now, would she ever? Blair was his wife now, he had her in every way possible, he had control of every facet of her life, everything except her heart. The part of her that he wanted more than anything he couldn't even touch.

_**I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.**_

But Marcus forced these thoughts from her head, maybe one day she would feel that way about him he told himself. So he reached up with one hand and gently turned her face to look at him. "Blair, at least try to pretend like you aren't miserable, try to pretend like you don't hate me."

_**I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.**_

Blair bit her lip as she looked up at him and he couldn't help but think that she was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen and as she nodded and plastered a big smile on her face he felt happier than he had all night because he thought that maybe somewhere in that smile there was a little bit of happiness on her part and he wanted her to be happy with him.

_**Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing **_

"I'm going to go outside for a bit Blair, I need some fresh air." Marcus said as the song came to a close.

Blair cocked her eyebrow. "Am I supposed to come with you?"

"No darling," Blair cringed at the term of endearment and Marcus cringed at her reaction. "It's your wedding reception, dance with one of your friends, have fun." But even though it still felt like he was in pain from her outward rejection of calling her darling, he was able to give her a smile with the last statement.

"Okay" Blair said, for the second time to a man after dancing with him.

As Marcus left the room Blair walked over to where Serena, Dan, Nate, and Jenny were standing talking to each other. "Hey guys are you having fun."

They all stopped talking and embraced her when they realized that Blair was with them. The two girls gushing about how beautiful she looked while the guys stood awkwardly. They group was beginning to talk about what everyone's plans were for later when they heard Chuck's voice on the microphone again.

"Okay everyone; next I have a special treat. If our beautiful bride would come up on stage for a moment"

Blair glared.

"Come on Princess, I need you up here for this next song." Chuck said smirking.

Blair walked towards the stage, she knew Chuck wasn't going to quit so she might as well go ahead and go up. When she got on stage Chuck handed her a microphone. "Chuck I'm going to ask you for the second time tonight, what are you doing?"

Chuck shot Blair another smirk. "We're singing Blair." Blair's eyes widened in shock.

"No Chuck, no, we are not doing anything." Blair said starting to leave.

Chuck reached out and grabbed her arm. The smirk was gone, a serious look on his face instead. "Please Blair, sing with me."

Blair looked into his eyes then nodded and Chuck smiled one of those smiles he reserved only for her before cueing the band.

"Wait Chuck, what are we singing? Do I even know the song?" Blair said slightly panicked.

"Blair it's the version you like of When the Stars Go Blue, you know Bethany Joy Galeotti and Tyler Hilton?" Chuck said trying to ease any worry she had, he knew that Blair had never sung in front of anyone but him in her life.

Blair smiled and lifted the microphone. "_**Dancing where the stars go blue. Dancing where the evening fell**_. _**Dancing in my wooden shoes, in a wedding gown**_" Blair looked at Chuck as she sang, she was so nervous. She had never sung in front of anyone other than Chuck before.

Chuck smiled a reassuring smile at Blair and looked at her as he sung his own lines. "_**Dancing out on seventh street**_. _**Dancing through the underground**_. _**Dancing little marionette, are you happy now, yeah." **_

Chuck continued looking at Blair, to make sure she was still okay. "_**Where do you go when you're lonely"**_

Blair was starting to actually enjoy singing, not that she ever hated anything she did with Chuck, she even loved arguing with him. "_**Where do you go when you're blue"**_

They both smiled as they sang their first line together._**"Where do you go when you're lonely, I'll follow you"**_

Chuck faced the audience who was obviously enjoying their performance as he continued. "_**When the stars go blue, When the stars go blue"**_

Blair was comfortable now and was even looking towards the audience as the fell into the song's easy pattern where Chuck sang the line of the verse and Blair echoed. "_**Laughing with your pretty mouth(Laughing with your pretty mouth), Laughing with your broken eyes (Laughing with your broken eyes), Laughing with your lover's tongue, **_They looked back to each other as they sang the next words together once more "_**in a lullaby yeah"**_

And they continued like that for the rest of the song, singing together, harmonizing perfectly, both of their voices fitting together seamlessly. They alternated looking at each other where they exchanged smiles and looking at the audience almost completely in sync with one another.

_**Where do you go when your lonely**_

_**Where do you go when your blue**_

_**Where do you go when your lonely I'll follow you**_

_**Yeah yeah**_

_**Where do you go when your lonely**_

_**Where do you go when your blue**_

_**Where do you go when your lonely, I'll follow you **_

Blair and Chuck looked at each other, both meaning the words that they each sang individually in the next two lines, Chuck then Blair.

_**follow you **_

_**follow you**_

Before both coming back together, finishing out the song.

_**Yeah yeah**_

_**When the stars go blue**_

_**When the stars go blue**_

_**When the stars go blue**_

_**When the stars go blue **_

_**Where do you go when your lonely**_

_**Where do you go when the stars go blue**_

Everyone applauded insanely and Blair curtsied and nodded at Chuck before stepping off the stage and returning to her friends. Nate, Jenny, Serena, and Dan, all went insane; none of them knew that she could really sing. Sure they had all listened to her sing with the radio but none of them had ever heard her sing like that.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Chuck said searching the room until his eyes locked with Blair's once more "it has been a pleasure being with you. I sincerely hoped that you have enjoyed the evening. I have a few more songs this evening then I must bid you all a good night."

Blair looked around for her dad or Marcus but when she didn't see either, Nate offered her his hand. Blair turned to Jenny. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not B, it's your wedding, you get to dance with whomever you want." Jenny replied shooing them towards the dance floor.

_**We were as one, babe  
For a moment in time  
And it seemed everlasting  
That you would always be mine  
Now you want to be free, yeah  
So I'm letting you fly  
'cause I know in my heart, babe  
Our love will never die, no**_

Nate smiled as he and Blair danced. "You know, I always thought that the day I saw you in a wedding dress it would be at our wedding." He looked down at Blair with his gorgeous green eyes flecked with gold, the third guy of the evening who had bestowed upon her such a sad smile.

"So did I Archibald." Blair replied, a nostalgic tone to her voice. Unlike the last dance, even though she was very aware of the words Chuck was singing and his exact location, she spent this dance looking at her partner, Chuck wasn't the only one that she had to say goodbye to tonight.

_**You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby**_

"You were my first love, Nate, and until about six months ago I would have said that this day, this dress, all of the festivities, would be in celebration of our marriage. I had always planned on being Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Archibald. You know that." Blair gave him a look that clearly stated that what she said was true, in case he had any doubt at all. "But we weren't perfect Nate, I know it was really only a year ago or less but we were so young so innocent. Exactly what a first love should be. Then there was a time when I considered the possibility of one day being Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Bass." Blair smiled wistfully and snuck a glance at Chuck, the irony of the words that he was singing certainly wasn't lost on her. Oh yes he had picked this song out just for them.

_**I ain't gonna cry, no  
And I won't beg you to stay  
If you're determined to leave, girl  
I will not stand in your way  
But inevitably,  
You'll be back again  
'Cause you know in your heart, babe  
Our love will never end, no**_

"I'm always going to love you Blair. You are as much a part of who I am as New York City is. I'm glad that you are still a part of my life even though we are only friends now. You know how much I care about Jenny, but there is always going to be a part of my heart that belongs to you because you were my first love too." Nate said as they continued their dance.

"Archibald, so what, it takes me getting married to a Lord, no excuse me a Prince, for you to finally admit that I was your first love? If I had known that I would have gotten married a long time ago." Blair joked. "No seriously Nate, thank you for being so wonderful the past month or so. You have really been there for me in a way that few others have."

_**You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby**_

"Blair, after everything that we have gone through together, everything that you have helped me with, I certainly wasn't going to let you and Chuck go through this alone." Nate said, sounding almost a little offended that she felt the need to thank him. "I just wish that I could have done more." He was clearly referencing the fact that he had not been able to find anything on Marcus either.

_**I know that you'll be back, girl  
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh  
I know that you'll be right back, baby  
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time**_

Blair bit her lip; she couldn't help but think that they had done everything they could though. "Maybe . . . Maybe there just wasn't anything to find. You know it's possible that Marcus really hasn't done anything past what he has done to me and Chuck." Blair rolled her eyes trying to let her attitude keep the tears from falling.

_**  
You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my, my baby **_

Nate leaned forward and kissed Blair's forehead. "You didn't deserve this B. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you Nate." Blair said softly.

_**(You'll always be a part of me)  
You will always be  
(I'm part of you indefinitely  
(Girl, don't you know you can't escape me)  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
(And we'll linger on)  
We will linger on  
(Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
(No way, you're never gonna shake me  
(Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby)**_

_**Always be my baby...**_

The song drew to a close but Nate and Blair didn't move away from each other. Chuck was still on stage but he was downing a glass of bourbon by the piano.

Dan walked up and surprised both Nate and Blair by asking, "Do you mind if I cut in for the next dance."

Blair smiled at both boys. "Not at all, it's only fair if I steal each of my best friends' dates equally." She even laughed a little.

Nate nodded. "I'll be back over in a song or two." Nate then walked over to Jenny and brought her out to the dance floor; just as Chuck started singing.

_**What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time**_

Blair had to admit, Dan's dancing had improved considerably from when they had first met. He now actually moved pretty well. "Dan I really wanted to thank you." Blair said as they danced. "I mean you didn't owe any of us anything yet you have been there for us as though you've been best friends with us our whole lives."

_**Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you**_

Dan smiled at her, "You did that you know. The day when you brought us all coffee on the steps. That's when it started. It was weirdly instantaneous how I went from hating, my apologies on that, to thinking of you as one of my best friends, all in one day."

_**All of the things that I want to say  
Just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here**_

Blair smiled in return. "I'm sorry I was so awful to you for so long. I think originally I was just a little jealous that Serena had found this new boyfriend. The fact that you were from Brooklyn just made you an easy target when I wanted to get at Serena. But I've grown up a lot over the past year, or so I've been told." Blair said rolling her eyes.

_**Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you**_

Dan couldn't help but laugh at the show of attitude on Blair's part. "It seems as though you kind of outgrew high school. I guess that's what going through real life problems like all of this does to a teenager."

Blair's smile was wistful now. "I had actually forgotten that I was one of those; a teenager I mean. Teenagers aren't supposed to spend Senior year of high school trying to get out of an engagement while planning their wedding."

_**Something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything she does is beautiful  
Everything she does is right**_

Dan's smile was sad too. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more, I thought that letter was real yesterday. I feel awful that it only ended up keeping you and Chuck apart for a short time."

"Don't worry about it Humphrey, you did everything you could." Blair said sincerely.

_**Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of**_

"You know what?" Dan asked, "I think I am even going to miss it when you are mean to me Blair. No one's going to be here to call me Cabbage Patch anymore."

Blair gave Dan a sad smile. "I'll be sure to tell Chuck to call you that every once in a while."

_**You and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and  
It's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you**_

Dan shook his head, "That's not what I meant, well it kind of is, but what I was trying to say was that I am going to miss you Blair. I feel like I don't know, we're friends now and I respect you probably more than any woman I know." Dan said stumbling over his words.

Blair smiled, a genuine smile this time, "We are friends," and after a second she added, "Brooklyn."

_**What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive **_

Dan gave Blair a hug and signaled to Nate with the tilt of his head that he could dance with Blair again. He knew that Nate was still in love with Blair and always would be so he didn't want to take time away from them either.

Nate walked over as Chuck downed another glass on stage. "So Chuck sings, huh. Did you know?" He asked Blair as he reached her during Chuck's break.

Blair smiled at the memory. "Yeah I did its how he got me back this summer."

Nate cocked his eyebrows but didn't ask anything more, it was obvious that Blair wanted to savor the memory alone, it was something private. "As do you?"

Blair blushed, "Not really."

Nate shook his head and smiled. "You really don't see yourself very clearly." Before anymore could be said the music of Chuck's next song began. "One more dance B?"

"Of course Nate, who else would I want to dance with?" Blair said smiling. But the smile quickly fell from her face when she realized what song Chuck was singing. This was not a song she imagined would be sung at her wedding, this was not a wedding song at all. And when Chuck began to sing his voice sounded raw, almost as if he was in pain. Blair looked up at Chuck and his eyes confirmed what his voice had merely suggested; he was in pain and this, this was killing him.

_**Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?**_

Blair looked back to Nate for a few minutes. She need to ask him something, but when she spoke her voice sounded a little raw as well, as if maybe she was about to cry."Will you promise me a few things?"

"Anything Blair." Nate replied automatically. Noticing the change in her voice, they weren't joking anymore.

_**'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won**_

Blair laughed and hit Nate playfully, trying to lighten the mood. "You know you are suppose to say depends on what it is." She didn't like the sudden change anymore than he did.

"Why bother Blair when I am just going to say yes to whatever it is?" Nate said with a smile, that was genuine just not exactly jovial.

_**So I took what's mine, my eternal right  
Took your soul out into the night**_

Blair couldn't help but smile in return but when she spoke, she did so rapidly, as if she didn't have much time. "Promise me that you will take care of yourself because you can't let yourself get lost like before, not without me here to fix you."

Blair smirked in a way that Nate couldn't help but think that she had picked up from Chuck and Nate nodded.

_**It may be over but it won't stop there  
I am here for you if you'd only care**_

"Secondly, promise me that you will be good to Jenny. She is going to need you now more than ever. I fully expect her to take over my social position and she can't do that without some help. I don't mean just at school although that is likely still important to her but she is going to have to do the stuff that I use to do like plan all of the seasons big parties." Blair said, glancing at Jenny for a moment, the urgency still in her voice and motions. "Plus, she and I are closer than you might think and it is going to be hard for her, losing her best friend."

Nate nodded again. He didn't pretend to understand the social structure of Constance but he would do what he could and the losing his best friend thing he was definitely going to be able to sympathize with. Blair was definitely one of his closest friends, the closest other than Chuck.

_**You touched my heart you touched my soul  
You changed my life and all my goals  
And love is blind and that I knew when  
My heart was blinded by you**_

"Lastly, I need you to promise me to take care of Chuck." Blair's voice cracked as she looked up at Chuck who was pouring his heart out on stage. "I know things have been rough between you two since last year with everything that happened but losing me is going to be really hard on him. There are things in Chuck's past that are going to make it really difficult to move on after I am gone and you have to make sure that he does. There is going to be a part of him that wants to shut everyone out and you can't let that happen. I am terrified for him if he pushes you guys away."

Nate's brow furrowed. He knew how much Blair mattered to Chuck. Chuck had changed everything about himself for her because he loved her that much. He was going to have a hard time getting Chuck to let go of Blair. "I'll do my best on the last one but you know I can't make any promises with that other than that I'll be there for him."

_**I've kissed your lips and held your head  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed  
I know you well, I know your smell  
I've been addicted to you**_

Blair nodded. "That's all I'm asking Nate. Be there for your best friend because he is going to need it." Blair looked at Chuck, this time for several seconds, without saying a word. He stood on stage holding the microphone, which he had detached from the stand, in both hands, singing into it with everything he had.

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

The words of this song were painful for her to hear because she knew that Chuck meant every word he said. "Chuck is probably going to become destructive and depressed." Blair said still looking at Chuck, but speaking to Nate. "He will do his best to make everyone hate him. He will say the things that will hurt the most, to try to make you leave him alone. Just don't let him push you away. Please." Blair finally looked back at Nate with that last word.

_**I am a dreamer and when I wake  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take  
And as you move on, remember me  
Remember us and all we used to be**_

"Blair you have my word. I will do everything in my power to be there for Chuck . . . And Jenny." Nate said looking Blair directly in the eye.

"Thank you Nate." Blair said before looking back to Chuck.

_**I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile  
I've watched you sleeping for a while  
I'd be the father of your child  
I'd spend a lifetime with you**_

The society members present were horrified. The Bass boy was practically announcing his affair with the new Princess Rhodes at her wedding reception and the silly little girl didn't seem to care; not that there was anything that she could do now. Sure they had all suspected but these things just weren't said; not in proper society. Eleanor wanted to do something but she knew it was too late the damage had been done.

_**I know your fears and you know mine  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine  
And I love you, I swear that's true  
I cannot live without you**_

Blair allowed herself to stare at Chuck as he sang to her, words that she had no idea that he could express aloud but that in her heart she knew were true. She always had.

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

During the instrumental break Chuck dropped his hands and walked down the stairs at the side of the stage. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief thinking he was done; there would be no huge scene. The Bass boy wasn't going to break down crying on stage, they had gotten off with a slight slipup of details in a song, nothing worse. None of them realizing that he still held the microphone and he was nowhere near finished.

Chuck approached Blair and Nate moved aside. Chuck took one of her hands in his own and held it tightly as he lifted the mike back up with the other.

_**And I still hold your hand in mine  
In mine when I'm asleep**_

Blair was shocked and so shaken up as Chuck moved to kneel on the ground. Still holding tightly onto her hand and locking his eyes with hers.

_**And I will bear my soul in time  
When I'm kneeling at your feet**_

Chuck sang directly to Blair not caring what everyone else saw and heard.

Blair forgot that it was her reception, that there were people watching. It was only her and Chuck and he was saying goodbye.

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

Chuck moved back to his feet dropping the microphone to the ground and taking Blair's face in his hands, still singing the words to a song that felt like it was written for them and them alone.

_**I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow**_

_**I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.**_

Chuck's forehead was against Blair's as he finished the song. He placed a quick rough kiss on her mouth, the tears running down their faces mingling. But then he turned and left the tent, left her life. Blair stood in the middle of the dance floor, holding her sides, tears running down her face.

Jenny rushed up and grabbed her, Serena close behind and they took her to the nearest bathroom, both making excuses all the way.

"Too much to drink."

"You know how emotional brides can be."

"It's one of those monthly things, you know."

"Hard to say goodbye to childhood sweethearts."

"Of course she's happy, it's just a lot to take in, she's not even 18 you know."

**Spotted: C making a scene at B's nuptials. We knew that when B got married it was always be a spectacle but this wasn't quite what we imagined. **

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The reception had calmed down after the scene. Blair had reappeared later on with Marcus back at her side. He had surprised her by not saying anything about what had just happened between her and Chuck. The last time they had made a scene he had been furious but today he seemed to be understanding.

Marcus sighed. He had watched everything from the balcony as Blair said goodbye to all of her friends during dances. He could pretty much tell what they discussed and it made him sad to be doing this. He had to steel himself as he watched her with Chuck. After the scene, he had given her time before going and bringing her back. After they spent an hour more, talking with their guests and dancing he whispered in her ear. "It's time to get going Blair."

She looked at him and nodded and he watched as she moved over to her friends and said goodbye for the last time to all of them. He could hear her as she professed her love for all of them telling them thank you several times.

When she returned to his side Marcus turned to her and said in a quiet voice. "They can visit anytime they want to Blair and we can come back here and see everyone as well. I also expect that they will be there for our second ceremony over in England for the Queen." Blair actually let a genuine smile slip through her façade there; it was something that she rarely allowed Marcus to see. "I don't want you to feel like I am locking you away in some cage."

But her smile fell away at the last bit and she replied. "No you only wanted me bound in matrimony." Before taking the arm he had offered her and letting him lead her out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Chuck got out of the taxi; he hadn't had time to get his limo driver to Tavern on the Green. He must have passed out and now Blair was about to leave and he would never see her again. He was lucky that in all of his drunkenness he hadn't lost Blair's wedding gift. He had been working on this for weeks, just in case they couldn't stop the wedding and he couldn't persuade her not to go through with it. Chuck ran towards the landing pad. It was ironic; this was the same landing pad where he was supposed to meet Blair at to go to Tuscany. He hadn't shown up that time; but this time was different, this time he was showing up. He had been so scared that he wasn't going to make it but when he got there Blair hadn't gotten in the aircraft.

She was standing there as Marcus called to her from inside, looking around almost as if she was looking for something, as if she thought that maybe just maybe Chuck was going to show up and stop her from leaving or at very least to say goodbye and it was starting to rain. When Blair spotted him running towards her she couldn't help but start to cry. "I didn't think you were going to show, I . . . I didn't think that I was going to get the chance to say goodbye."

Chuck reached out and wiped Blair's tears with his thumb, not that it mattered with how hard it was beginning to rain. "I'm so sorry for how I acted earlier at the reception. I was just so upset after _You and Me_ that I lost it a little." Blair didn't say anything so Chuck continued speaking, "But Blair, I was always going to show."

Blair couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face and she was shivering all over. "Chuck, none of that stuff matters, all that matters is that you're here."

Chuck pulled her closer and reached with one hand into his pocket. He pulled out an i-pod and placed it in her hand.

"What is this? Blair asked, examining the i-pod touch in her hand before quickly sliding it in the pocket of her jacket, it was pouring and she didn't want it ruined, whatever it was.

By way of an answer Chuck kissed her, a long deep kiss, his tongue slipped between her lips, kissing her until they were both out of breath. By now both were drenched but neither cared. He moved his mouth to her ear, "I love you Waldorf, always have, always will."

Then he was gone, he moved quickly, away from Blair and before she could stop him or he could stop himself he walked away.

Blair called after him as he walked away. "I love you too, Bass."

Chuck stopped. He stood there about ten feet away from the love of his life but he knew that he couldn't turn around or he wouldn't be able to just leave. So Chuck kept walking even as he heard Blair sobbing and screaming his name.

**Ladies and gentleman, I have sad news to report. It seems as though our B and C are done for good if their rainy goodbye at the landing pad is any indication. Sure B's married but we still had hope. Guess that means everyone's favorite bachelor is back on the market and it's prime shopping season.**

**you know you love me,**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**A/N: Yay you all finally got to read the chapter that I have been working on for so long. I hope you all enjoyed It and as always reviews are much appreciated. **

**Songs**

**Dance With My Father: Luther Vandross**

**I Don't Want to Miss a Thing: Aerosmith**

**Always Be My Baby: David Cook**

**You and Me: Lifehouse**

**Goodbye My Lover: James Blunt**


	30. Chuck and Blair's Infinite Playlist Pt 1

**I'm not calling the hiatus officially over but this is more of a break in the hiatus. When I'm not behind I'll write and if I finish anything I'll post it. You guys are all amazing and so understanding and I totally love you. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**__________________________________________________________________**

Blair crossed her arms over her chest and allowed the sobs to rack her body as Chuck disappeared from her sight. She stayed there crying in the rain until she felt a pair of arms wrap around her.

Marcus wasn't even thinking when he ran out of the helicopter towards a crying Blair, she was in pain. So he ran to her and wrapped his arms around her.

At first Blair was scared, it was Marcus, he must be angry with her, but then she realized how gently the hands were holding her, almost as if they were cradling her.

"Shhh, Blair its okay," He said softly. He continued to hold her there for what might have been minutes or hours, neither knew for sure, before suddenly and unexpectedly she collapsed in his arms still crying. Marcus picked her up and carried her over to the helicopter which would be taking them to the main plane.

Marcus continued to hold her in the helicopter, both of them soaked. He bent over and placed a kiss on her forehead and Blair didn't stop him but she did glare at him.

"Please don't be like this." Marcus said quietly. Blair had finally stopped crying, yet she was still looking at him as though she wanted him dead. He was starting to think that she wasn't going to respond, but when she did, he would have rather she hadn't.

"And how would you want me to be Marcus. Happy? Happy, that you blackmailed me into marrying you? Happy that I just said goodbye for the last time to the man I love?" Blair was sitting up by this time and now she was screaming. Marcus reached out to touch her face and Blair smacked his arm away. "No Marcus, I'm not happy, I'm miserable. I have to spend the rest of my life married to a man I hate." She was in her own seat now, fastening herself in.

Marcus couldn't prevent the hurt from showing on his face, but he tried to remain calm. "I'm sorry that you feel that way Blair . . ." but Blair interrupted him.

"Didn't you hear me? I HATE YOU!" Blair yelled.

Marcus couldn't take it anymore, he had fallen head over heels for this girl and was willing to do almost anything for her; but she was screaming at him, saying that she hated him. So he snapped. "You know what Blair," he said getting in her face, making her eyes go wide with shock at Marcus's sudden and violent response. "I. Don't. Care." She didn't say a word and he continued. "Didn't you hear me? I don't care how you feel. You don't want to be happy? FINE. You are only hurting yourself. You are my wife whether you like it or not and you might as well get use to it." He backed away from her. When he saw the look on her face he wanted to take it all back, every word. Worse he wanted to kill himself because she was obviously petrified of him and after the way he had treated her she had every right to be. But he didn't want that, he just wanted her to be happy with him; that's all. Of course he cared. But it was too late so he did damage control as best he could. Marcus softened his voice and moved slowly to where Blair was practically cowering in her seat with her back against the window. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that Blair."

But Blair turned her body away from him and looked instead out the window at her beloved NYC. Perhaps for the last time, who knew if Marcus really would allow her to visit. He had made it perfectly clear just then that she was no more than his property.

"Blair please look at me." with no response he continued. "Blair don't be afraid of me please. I . . . I love you." He said quietly.

After a minute of sitting close to Blair, watching her, wanting nothing more for her to just look at him in that moment, Marcus sighed and faced forward. He couldn't help but think that he had just pushed Blair even further away and what was he thinking saying those words out loud to her. She obviously didn't feel them in return and saying them would just give her more power over him. But he couldn't bring himself to regret the words. He meant them he really did and whether she liked it or not, he needed her to know

The helicopter landed and they moved over to the private jet. Marcus moved close to Blair as they were walking over, continually trying to talk to her but she wasn't even listening to the words coming out of his mouth. As they were walking up the plane steps, Blair said curtly, "I'm changing clothes, I'm tired of being cold and wet." Before continuing into the plane, grabbing her suitcase, and heading to the bathroom.

In the bathroom as she was changing, Blair heard something fall to the floor. It was the i-pod Chuck had handed to her. She had almost forgotten about it. Once, she had changed she sat down in a seat on the plane as far away from where Marcus was sitting as possible, got out her head phones and started exploring the i-pod from Chuck.

Blair knew Chuck well enough to know that he wouldn't just give her an i-pod for the sake of giving her an I-pod. No, there was something on this i-pod she just had to find it. She looked at the song list, there were thousands. So she kept looking on the i-pod until she found it. There was only one playlist other than the default ones. A playlist called Always Have, Always Will. Blair clicked it immediately and a song list came up.

Blair looked through the song list but she didn't recognize a single name. The Beginning, You Sure, Role Reversal? None of these made any sense and every single one had an intro. She clicked on the first title, it was labeled Start Here. She was surprised when she heard Chuck's voice.

"Blair, if you are listening to this I am so sorry, I failed you in so many ways if you are actually hearing me right now. Now enough of that, that isn't what this playlist is about; it's about us; our story. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride." Blair couldn't help but smile, what had Chuck done? The track switched to the Intro to The Beginning and she heard Chuck's voice once more.

"I could never in my life manage to forget this song. It was a wild night at Victrola and this girl that I had always thought was the perfect lady got up on stage and danced. If I could pinpoint the moment that it happened I would say that this is the moment that I fell in love with you. " Blair still wasn't quite sure where this was going, then she heard the notes of the song. It was Stripper by the Sohodolls but Chuck was the one singing.

_**Well Anna you're late  
And Maya, I'm here.  
The boys in the band,  
Decide to appear.  
We walk through the door  
Savor the air.  
The girls on the floor,  
I've come here to stare.  
We've come here to stare.**_

Yeah

Don't touch the girls,  
Don't kiss the girls,  
I have the right to pull the girls.  
Get in a fight,  
On every night,  
The scratches, the bruises and the bites.  
But I wanna touch,  
And I wanna kiss,  
And if you say no then I will persist,  
With you tonight,  
You'll make it right.  
You know that you're wetting my appetite.

_**You can call me x,  
You can call me y,  
You can call me z,  
You can come and try.  
Come and try.**_

Don't know what you think you're doing to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! Stripper)  
Don't know what you see its getting to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! I wanna be your mister)  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na

Blair remembered that night perfectly. Sure she had been drunk but the entire time she had been on stage her entire body had been tingling with excitement. She had been free and even dare she say it happy.

_**Like you're perfume,  
Your skin is smooth.  
The way you move,  
I'm in the mood.  
Tease the crowd,  
Please the crowd,  
I'm boiling I want you to see me now.  
You get me girl,  
When you're nervous well,  
And when your hand is in the thong.  
You may be right,  
I close them tight,  
You're saving the best for me tonight.**_

You can call me x,  
You can call me y,  
You can call me z,  
You can come and try.  
Come and try.

Don't know what you think you're doing to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! Stripper)  
Don't know what you see its getting to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! I wanna be your mister)  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na  
Na na, Na na, Na na, Na na, Na

She remembered the entire experience as though it were yesterday. The lights, the other girls, and most of all Chuck's eyes. He watched her every move. Blair remembered him toasting her because she had proved him wrong. She hadn't been anywhere near in love with him at this point. But he was one of her best friends and looking back now she could see that that is where it happened for him. Where he realized that he cared about her as more than a friend and more than all of those other girls he toyed with.

_**I've come to stare,  
I've come to stare,  
You like me to stare?  
I like your underwear.**_

I've come to stare,  
I've come to stare,  
You like me to stare?  
I am a voyeur.

Don't know what you think you're doing to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! Stripper)  
Don't know what you see its getting to me,  
(Hey! Stripper, Hey! I wanna be your mister)

Blair turned more towards the window. She knew that if Chuck had done what she thought he had then she was going to be going through a rollercoaster of emotions and some of them were going to be very happy. She wanted to make damn sure that Marcus didn't think that any of those happy emotions were for him.

Blair was anticipating the next song. She knew what it was going to be. The title You Sure made perfect since now. "When you danced on that stage that night I was more in awe of you then I ever thought I could be. Then in the limo you kissed me. You were the first and only girl I have ever asked if they were sure. I didn't want to mess things up with you."

As the music of With Me filled her ears Blair let herself go back to that night, except this time it was Chuck's voice singing those words to her. This song had been playing on the radio in the limo the night that she had lost her virginity to Chuck. Listening to these words now; knowing how Chuck felt about her even then; it made them mean so much more.

_**I don't want this moment, to ever end,  
Where everything's nothing, without you.  
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile,  
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.**_

Through it all, I made my mistakes.  
I stumble and fall,  
But I mean these words. 

She remembered how she felt that night in the car. She felt wanted, desired, appreciated; all things that she hadn't been feeling from Nate for a very long time. She loved the way it felt; almost like it was a drug.

_**I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul,  
I hold on to this moment you know.  
Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go.**_

That's why she thanked Chuck for ride home. She thought maybe just maybe he would say something to make her feel like that again and he did._ You looked amazing up there tonight._

_**Thoughts read are spoken, forever in doubt.  
And pieces of memories fall to the ground.  
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go.  
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.**_

All the streets, where I walked alone,  
With nowhere to go.  
Have come to an end.

He had fed the thing inside of her that needed to be wanted, desired, appreciated. Wanting more of the feeling she moved closer to him. Her eyes telling him to close the distance he had and she had kissed him.

_**I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul,  
I hold on to this moment you know.  
Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go.**_

Blair remembered how passionate the kiss had been. It was the first kiss she had ever received that made her feel desired. So when he had asked her "You Sure" she had fed the hunger and responded. It was so good to feel wanted.

_**In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies,  
When you don't know what you're looking to find.  
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies,  
When you just never know what you will find.**_

(What you will find, what you will find, what you will find.)

I don't want this moment to ever end.  
Where everything's nothing without you.

Blair recalled the way that Chuck had pulled her to him, pressed his body against hers, communicated to her that he wanted her. Blair had allowed herself to be completely engulfed by him, by the moment. They had flipped and twisted in the limo, kissing each other passionately. She remembered Chuck putting on protection before he entered her. She had tried to stop him; she had been impatient but he had shot her a look and said "I won't risk putting you through that."

_**I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul,  
I hold on to this moment you know.  
Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let (go).  
I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul,  
I hold on to this moment you know.  
Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, and I won't let go.**_

Those words were still echoing through her ears as she heard Chuck begin to speak again. "I still feel that way you know." The voice recording was husky; Blair could tell that Chuck was emotional. "The next song is a little funnier. I remember pulling up next to you the day after while I was listening to this in my limo. This song had always been the way I thought of girls so I thought that maybe if I listened to it; I could make myself think of you like that. Instead it turned out that everything was the opposite. You wanted to forget that night and I wanted a relationship." Blair knew the song before he started singing and after his explanation she knew exactly why he had titled the chapter Role Reversal.

_**We're best friends  
We hold hands  
We're in love  
You're my man**_

Darling, no  
That's not me  
I'm a ghost  
In the sheets 

Blair almost laughed at Chuck doing the voices in the first part of the song. Remembering that she had been to confession that morning just made her want to laugh harder.

_**Well is there something that you like about her?  
Yes. I like the way that her body bends in half.  
And is there something that you love about her?  
No. There ain't a woman in this world I wont' let go.**_

That was suppose to be Chuck's philosophy, use 'em and lose 'em, and that had been exactly what she had wanted him to do to her. Ignore her, pretend like it never happened. But she had been the one exception to his rule.

_**Come on baby,  
We get along  
Please don't just spoil it  
Don't steer us wrong  
Let's get together  
And get it on  
Let's get those clothes off  
Before I'm gone**_

You talk about me like you own me  
Baby, that's not fair  
I told you that I had somebody else  
You did not care  
And now you're talking on the phone  
You're telling all of your friends:

"We love each other!" (x8)

Chuck had invited her to breakfast that morning, BREAKFAST! Chuck never wanted to see a girl again after she had been in his bed yet he wanted to sit through an entire meal with her. She had been such a stupid little girl. All she wanted was Nate while Chuck was there begging her to even share a meal with him.

_**Well is there something that you wanted from her?  
Yes. I want her legs, her body and her cash.  
And is there something that you needed from her?  
No. And if she's playing hard to get, I'm out the door.**_

She had been mean to him pushed him away and what had he done? He had gone off and bought the necklace that she had put on hold for Eleanor or Nate to buy for her. It had been her favorite piece that she picked out and she didn't actually think that she was going to get it because it was pricey even for her.

_**Oh no, baby  
Don't say it's true  
Please say you love me  
Like I love you**_

_**Come on baby,  
We get along  
One week of danger  
Is not very long  
Let's get together  
And get it on  
Let's get those clothes off  
Before I'm gone **_

This of course caused her to think about that evening. Chuck had admitted for perhaps the first time in his life that he had feelings for a girl. That she meant more to him than a one night stand. Sure he had made that awful bet with her and snapped back at her but he was also the one who comforted her when Nate hadn't shown up. He had told her that she was beautiful. He was the first person to ever really make her feel that way.

_**You talk about me like you own me  
Baby, that's not fair  
I told you that I had somebody else  
You did not care  
And now you're trying to make me out  
To be some kind of a square  
You're talking on the telephone  
You're telling all of your friends:**_

"We love each other!" (x8)

Blair wasn't sure how such a funny song as One Week of Danger had left her in such a somber mood but she was excited to see what the title Sneaking Around was referring to. "So this song is one that sticks out particularly in my mind. If you remember, it was the first time that you had ever mentioned anything about us being more that just friends with benefits. At the time I went with you when you said that I didn't want people to know either but right then, I would have traded Nate for you in a heart beat."

_**I'm walking on the southern street, get to the river 'fore it runs too low.  
I'm walking on the southern street, get to the river 'fore it runs too low.**_

_**Old gypsy woman spoke to me, lips stained red from a bottle of wine.  
Old gypsy woman spoke to me, lips stained red from a bottle of wine.  
"The one that you are looking for, you're not gonna find her here."  
"The one that you are looking for, you're not gonna find her here, here."**_

At first she didn't really recognize the song. It's not the type that they normally listened to but suddenly something triggered in her mind and she remembered that this was the song that had been playing the day before Cotillion when she and Chuck had been in her room in the midst of foreplay when Nate had interrupted. You're A Wolf was the name of the song. She couldn't help but think back to the way in which Chuck had suggested that together they could be more than what they were apart. That she would be more than an accessory on him.

_**I'm runnin' on the northeast street, get to the ocean 'fore it runs too low.  
I'm runnin' on the northeast street, get to the ocean 'fore it runs too low,  
Get to the ocean 'fore it runs too low.  
"The one that you are looking for, you're not gonna find her here."  
"The one that you are looking for, you're not gonna find her here, here."**_

Old gypsy woman spoke to me, said, "You're a wolf, boy, get out of this town."  
Old gypsy woman spoke to me, said, "You're a wolf, boy, get out of this town."  
"You're a wolf, boy, get out of this town."  
"You're a wolf, boy, get out of this town."  
"You're a wolf."  
"You're a wolf."  
"You're a wolf."  
"You're a wolf."

Chuck may have recorded the song because it was the prefect summation of their period of sneaking around but for her the song meant even more. This was the first time that she had considered the possibility of what they were turning into an actual relationship. The song was short and soon enough she heard Chuck's voice again in the intro to Losing Control.

"Now we have come to the part in our story in which I start screwing up. The Debutante Ball. I was so bent on keeping you that I plotted and schemed to do it. I tried everything in my power to make sure that I didn't lose you to Nate. But of course you being you and knowing me as well as you do you figured out what I had done and told me that we were through. Looking back now it is almost funny to me that I was so terrified of losing you that I couldn't see that I was the one pushing you away. This playlist isn't just about our good memories, it is about everything, our entire story. So here is the point where I lost control."

_**We'd be so less fragile  
If we're made from metal  
And our hearts from iron  
And our minds from steel  
And if we built an armor  
For our tender bodies  
Could we love each other  
Would we stop to feel**_

_**And you want three wishes:  
One to fly the heavens  
One to swim like fishes  
And then one you're saving for a rainy day  
If your lover ever takes her love away  
Ooh ooh ooh**_

Blair loved what he had done to the song. It sounded so dark and husky as he was singing it in his low voice. She of course remembered this song. It was the song Chuck cued right after Nate had been thrown out.

_**You say you want to know her like a lover  
And undo her damage, she'll be new again  
Soon you'll find that if you try to save her  
It will lose her anger  
You will never win**_

And you want three wishes:  
You want never bitter  
And all delicious  
And then one you're saving for a rainy day  
If your lover ever takes her love away  
Ooh ooh ooh  
Ooh ooh ooh

When Chuck had cued the music, she recalled walking over to him. He started dancing with her and she hadn't stopped him. She had been looking for Nate and as soon as he told her Nate had been thrown out she had known exactly what he had done. She had immediately told Chuck that they were done. Now looking back she should have realized then that he only did it because he loved her so much that he didn't want to lose her.

_**And you want three wishes:  
One to fly the heavens  
One to swim like fishes  
You want never bitter  
And all delicious  
And a clean conscience  
And all it's blisses  
You want one true lover with a thousand kisses  
You want soft and gentle and never vicious  
And then one you're saving for a rainy day  
If your lover ever takes her love away**_

Blair could almost feel her memories as she remembered how he had tried to pull her back, to kiss her, and she had run away. It was one memory that still stung in her mind because she couldn't help but wonder what if she had stayed with Chuck then? Chuck's intro to Losing You came quickly and she didn't have to be told the real name of the song, it would be Apologize because that was the song that had been playing over the ballroom sound system when she and Nate had slept together.

"So Blair there is something I have to confess before this next song, I saw you and Nate that night at the Cotillion. I followed you out of the ballroom and watched from the stairs as you pulled him into the bedroom. I'm sorry I never told you but that's why I left for Monaco. That was the moment that I didn't just know that I wanted you but that I was genuinely in love with you."

_**I'm holding on your rope  
Got me ten feet off the ground  
And I'm hearing what you say  
But I just can't make you sound  
You tell me that you need me  
Then you go and cut me down  
But wait...  
You tell me that you're sorry  
Didn't think I'd turn around and say.. **_

_**  
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late **_

Blair clearly remembered what had happened that night with Nate. He had thought she was still a virgin and she had faked it very well. The sad thing was looking back the entire time all she was thinking about was showing Chuck that she couldn't be manipulated. That and the fact that now her life was back to being perfect.

_**I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
(But it's nothing new)  
Yeah yeah**_

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue  
And you say  
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you  
But I'm afraid 

Looking back she couldn't believe that she had every she wanted now then; and she had thrown all of it away. Sure Nate was a great guy and extremely important to her but what had she been thinking running to Nate. And Chuck had seen them and never told her.

_**It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
Woahooo woah**_

It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah  
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope  
Got me ten feet off the ground…

Blair felt a tear slip down her cheek as the intro to the next song started. "Ah yes, My Worst Mistake. Unfortunately not all of our memories are fond ones and since I'm really trying to tell our whole story; I've got to tell even the things that I regret and believe me I regret this more than anything I've ever done."

_**I don't think I want this anymore  
As she drops the ring to the floor  
She says to herself: 'You've left before'  
This time you will stay gone, that's for sure**_

And he shouted something else  
To drag her suitcase down the path,  
To the driveway  
She had never gone that far

Why had he put this song on there? He had to have known what it would do to her, thought Blair as the tears started streaming down her face. It was Happily Never After by Nicole Scherzinger.

_**Normally this would be the time  
That she would let him talk her out of leaving  
But this time, without crying  
As she got into her car, she said**_

No happily never after  
That just ain't for me, because finally  
I know I deserve better after all  
I'll never let another teardrop fall

She was close to sobs at this point and she could hear his voice in her head. "You're like one of my father's Arabians; rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would either."

_**As she drove away she starts to smile  
Realized she hadn't for a while  
No destination, she drove for miles  
Wondering why she stayed in such denial**_

Laughing about the way he shouted something else  
To drag her suitcase down the path  
To the driveway  
She had never gone that far

Those words had pushed her to the brink. She had dealt with everything else but she couldn't deal with that. Even then she couldn't lose Chuck. She had begged her mother that night. She had begged her to send her to Europe; to let her run.

_**Normally this would be, the time that she  
Would let him talk her out of leaving,  
But this time, without crying  
As she got into her car, she said**_

No happily never after  
That just ain't for me, because finally  
I know I deserve better after all  
I'll never let another tear drop fall

This song had been playing in the bar that night and again the following night as she was boarding the plane. She didn't realize that Chuck had even known. That he had paid enough attention to that night that he still remember what song was playing as he turned her away spoke volumes.

_**I'm done, I'm done  
(Said I'm so done)  
So done, I'm done, I'm done  
I'm free, I'm free, I'm free  
Free to be me.**_

She inhales an air she'd never breathed before...  
The air of no drama no more

However, it still took all the strength she had not to change the song. But Chuck had recorded it for a reason; to tell their story and as hard as it was to hear their story had had some side parts.

_**She said  
No happily never after  
That just ain't for me, because finally  
I know I deserve better after all,  
I'll never let another tear drop fall**_

No happily never after  
That just ain't for me, because finally  
I know I deserve better after all  
I'll never let another tear drop fall

_**Another tear drop fall**_

When the song ended Blair breathed a sigh of relief. She was well aware of the fact that they didn't talk for months after that which meant no song references until happier times. Chuck's voice had a smile in it when he spoke again. "Sorry for that last one. I know how hard that had to have been to listen to. This song is one I've included because of the date I heard it more than what was actually going on during the song."

Blair looked at the screen, having no idea what song was about to play. It said Finding My Way Back; but the next song that came to her mind wasn't until the wedding and that was what Chuck had recorded next.

_**Every time you walk away or run away**_

_**You take a piece of me with you there**_

_**Oh it seems like I'm walking right to your door**_

_**With my hearts still resting, looking for something more**_

_**Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?**_

_**I'm trying very hard to believe**_

Blair couldn't help but smile. It was Rufus's song. This had been the night that they had gone searching for Georgina. Later that night they had fallen asleep together on her bed. That had been the start of them as a real couple. That and the wedding.

_**Nothing feels right when I'm left here on my own**_

_**Left last night**_

_**It seemed like I waited too long**_

_**Are you going to ever see everything you mean to me?**_

_**I'm trying very hard to believe**_

_**Come back to me**_

_**You smile and you make my life complete**_

She was still smiling when the song ended and Chuck's voice began speaking once more. This time he was talking about The Wedding. "Blair, the wedding was one of the most important days of my life. Whether you know it or not, it was the first time I ever told anyone that I was in love with you. I told Nate and then I realized that I didn't want to be without you so I told you so in my best man speech. When you took me back I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. I am so sorry for screwing everything up."

_**We're not the same, dear, as we used to be.  
The seasons have changed and so have we.  
There was little we could say, and even less we could do,  
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.**_

Blair remembered the numerous things Chuck said to her that night. About how sorry he was and about the fact that he wanted a relationship with her.

_**We bury our love in the windsory grave.  
Along came the snow, that was all that remained,  
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks,  
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak.**_

His best man speech had been for her. She had known that from the start but later he had made sure that she knew. Blair would always remember the way in which he had kissed her that night.

_**And when spring arrived,  
We were taken by surprise when the flows under our feet,  
Led into the sea.  
Nothing was left for you and me.**_

Chuck had said that he wanted to take it slow but it hadn't stopped them from leaving early to go be together. It had been so long but both of them had still remembered everything about the other's body. They were a perfect fit.

_**We're not the same, dear.  
And it seems to me,  
There's more where we can go,  
With nothing underneath.  
And it saddens me to say,  
But we both know, well, it's true.  
That the ice was getting thinner,  
Under me and you.  
The ice was getting thinner,  
Under me and you.**_

_**  
**_Blair cringed knowing what was next. After this Chuck would have to jump to the end of the summer because they hadn't seen each other for two months after that week. She was wiping her tears away as Marcus sat down next to her.

Marcus reached up and pulled out her earbuds. "Blair talk to me. You've been listening to this damn thing for over an hour. Please don't make this difficult.

Blair reached into her bag and took out her spare set of head phones (she always kept extras) and plugged them into her ipod instead before turning once more towards the window and away from Marcus.

______________________________________________________________________________

**A/N: I don't know when Part II will be up guys. It's going to be just as long and I have a lot of work to do on it still. Either way I thought you guys deserved an update. Reviews are always appreciated. **

**Songs as they appeared to Blair: (Chuck's title, real title, singer)**

**The Beginning: Stripper - Sohodolls**

**You Sure: With Me - Sum 41**

**Role Reversal: One Week of Danger - The Virgins**

**Sneaking Around: You're A Wolf - Sea Wolf**

**Losing Control: Three Wishes - The Pierces**

**Losing You: Apologize - One Republic**

**My Worst Mistake: Happily Never After - Nicole Swartzenager**

**Finding My Way Back: Everytime - Lincoln Hawk**

**The Wedding: The Ice Is Getting Thinner - Death Cab For Cutie**


	31. Chuck and Blair's Infinite Playlist Pt 2

**IMPORTANT: So here's the deal guys, I'm basically swamped right now. Last semester I went for about two months or so without updating and I don't want that to happen again. I really enjoy writing so I am going to make a serious effort to update once a week. I love you guys**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**__________________________________________________________________**

All Marcus wanted to do was to comfort her as she cried, to make things better for her but every time he considered saying something he remembered that he was the cause of this. He was the reason that Blair was so unhappy. Each time he realized this he almost radioed to the pilot to turn the plane around. Seeing Blair like this was too much; it was hurting him to watch her. He hated these feelings. They weren't suppose to be there. Blair had somehow managed to worm her way inside his skull, into his gut, and worst of all into his heart. No girl had ever made him feel like this; so completely out of control.

When Marcus saw Blair start to sob he couldn't help but move next to her. He reached up and pulled out her earbuds. "Blair talk to me. You've been listening to this damn thing for over an hour. Please don't make this difficult." She had responded by removing the earbuds from her ipod and plugging in another set.

Damn it , damn her, because he certainly was damned because he couldn't do anything. He loved her to much to let her go, yet she hated him so much that she was miserable, and if she was miserable he was miserable. He continued to sit there though, sit there and watch his bride, the woman he had fallen obsessively in love with, ignore him.

______________________________________________________________________________

As soon as Blair faced the window she pressed play once more on her ipod if only to hear Chuck's voice in her head again. "I wish you weren't crying right now. I wish that I hadn't screwed up so much that you were reduced to tears at this point." For that moment Blair did stop crying. Only Chuck would know her well enough to know that she would be sobbing after the last song. "I messed us up Blair and as much as we've discussed it and you've tried to take some of the blame, you did NOTHING wrong. It was my fault that you were left alone in France, my fault that you had to turn to Marcus, I pushed you right into that bastard's arms. As you can see from the title we are to my little confession. I should have said it sooner you know. I should have told you what was going on with me. If I had everything could have been different." Blair could hear Chuck get a little choked up near the end of what he was saying. "But, I didn't and that can't be changed. So I'm going to quit talking about what I wish had happened and continue on our little journey. So here's Confessions."

_**A strangled smile fell from your face  
It kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay**_

Blair loved the gritty quality of his voice as he sang this song. It was so raw and she knew that that was because he meant every word.

_**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together  
Whatever it takes**_

She remembered everything form those stolen moments in the media center. She had been so shocked when he had started playing the guitar and singing. All she had wanted at that point was to understand where Chuck was going from.

_**She said if we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see  
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be  
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me**_

The had "made love" for the first time immediately after that. Sure they had had sex before but this had been so completely different. This was the first time they had slept together after saying those words that had been so difficult for each of them to say.

_**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
And give me a break  
I'll keep us together  
**_

They had thought that things were so difficult back then; but looking back Blair realized how simple everything had really been at that point. It was just Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair. The only thing standing in their way was themselves.

_**I know you deserve much better  
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt  
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself  
Let's hold onto each other above everything else  
Start over, start over**_

They had been blissfully unaware of the approaching storm that was Marcus. They had had no clue everything they had managed to build between them was about to come crashing down around them.

_**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together  
Whatever it takes**_

Blair's tears were silent now as she listened to Chuck's voice once more not knowing what song was next because she couldn't see the title through her tears. "Blair, this next song kills me to sing. I thought that everything was finally right with us when I came home that night to see you and Marcus together. I should have trusted then that you wouldn't do that to me. I was just so damn insecure that I didn't even think before reacting. I'm so sorry for that Blair. What you were going through was awful and I made it so much worse. That night when you came to my room I lashed out, saying things I never wanted to say. Things just went So Wrong, So Fast.

_**It's a shame that it had to be this way  
It's not enough to say you're sorry  
It's not enough to say you're sorry**_

_**Maybe I'm to blame  
Or maybe we're the same  
But either way I can't breathe  
Either way I can't breathe**_

Blair remembered that night so well. The song had been playing on a cd when she went into Chuck's room late that night after he had seen her with Marcus. She didn't know why she had gone. She had known from the beginning that she couldn't say anything to make the situation better without revealing everything about Marcus.

_**All I had to say is goodbye  
We're better off this way  
We're better off this way**_

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive  
Cause everything we've been through  
And everything about you  
Seemed to be a lie  
A guiltless twisted lie  
It made me learn to hate you  
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

She knew that if Chuck had known at that point he would have killed Marcus but she couldn't let him do that; she couldn't let him throw his life away because she had been too immature to just come home and deal with things with him. Chuck was so wrong before, so much of it was her fault.

_**All I had to say is goodbye  
We're better off this way  
We're better off this way  
All I had to say is goodbye  
We're better off this way  
We're better off this way**_

And every, everything isn't only  
What it seemed so hold these  
Words that you never told me  
It's time to say goodbye  
It's time to say goodbye  
It's time to say goodbye  
Goodbye

The hardest part of listening to this song again was remembering the way he told her to never say I love you to him again. _Don't. Don't say those words to me ever again._ _You don't mean them and I don't want to hear them from you're mouth. There's no possible explanation for what you just did Waldorf. None at all, is there?_ It was so weird to her that she could still remember his exact words. There was nothing that she wanted to forget more at that point; so of course that's what she remembered.

_**Bye**_

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Blair had finally stopped crying when Chuck's voice began again. This time she could actually see the title, _I Could Never Hate You._ She knew what was coming next even before he had started speaking. Sure a month passed but the next significant song for them had to be Hate Me by Blue October. "Serena told me that you were listening to this song while you got ready for the Gala. When she told me, the first thing I thought of was back when we were in middle school and you and I were the only ones who understood the lyrics. I felt them for you at that point. I always thought it would be best if you hated me; were disgusted by me because I was poison for someone as perfect as you. To find out that you used this song to get you through that time really resonated with me. I had a feeling that when you told me I was worthless it was because you wanted me to hate you but I didn't know for sure until Serena spoke to me later. And I wanted to hate you, so much; but I couldn't because as hard as I tried to let go I knew somewhere inside that you would always be a part of me."

_**I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face  
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space**_

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you. 

Blair had to bite her lip to keep the tears from falling. This song, these words, had been her source of strength when she needed it the most; as cliché as that was. She had been the one to push him away, she had done it because it was what needed to be done. That night she had just needed to give one final push.

_**I'm sober now for 3 whole months  
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.  
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight  
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind **_

_**Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you. **_

The second verse was so true for them. Sobriety hadn't been her issue, it was the disorder and that had never pushed him away but he had been there for her throughout it. He had been the one to pick up the broken pieces of herself in the bathroom. He had forced her to say that she was beautiful even when she thought the opposite. When she wanted to die, he hadn't let her. That was why she had done this for him. As much as he thought he didn't deserve her; he had done so much for her. That was why she had been willing to make him hate her.

_**And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand  
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"  
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"**_

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.  
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

His voice came again before she realized it. "Ahh, Revenge. It's suppose to be sweet isn't it? I thought I was getting you back for all the pain you had caused me. At that time I really believed that it had all been an elaborate plan to get back at me for leaving you earlier that summer. I can't believe I ever thought that you were that petty. All I could see was what I wanted to see. I made you out to be the villain in my mind but even that night as I tried to punish you for what I thought you did to me, it was a constant struggle not to let my feelings show."

_**Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?**_

_**Then think of what you did  
And how I hope to God he was worth it.  
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin.**_

_**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me**_

When Chuck had appeared in front of her and Marcus she had been worried about what he might do but when he assured Marcus it wasn't some attempt to win her back she had sensed that he was going to try to hurt her emotionally and with what she was putting him through she figured he probably deserved to try to get her back. So Blair allowed him to pull her to the dance floor.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus  
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?  
(Let's pick up, pick up)

_**Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part  
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.  
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.  
Now let's not get selfish  
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?**_

When they had started dancing she had tried so hard not to give in to him. Not to lose herself to her feelings for him; but Blair remembered losing all her inhibitions to him at that time.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat

She had been working so hard not to feel over the past month, not to let go and go running to Chuck, but that moment on the dance floor, as Chuck touched her, she gave in. She was so tired of suppressing it of hiding everything. Blair had allowed herself to be free of everything, if only for a few minutes.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**_

_**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me**_

When Chuck had sung those words to her the first time, she had felt it. She had gotten lost in their dance and his coldness and vengefulness was too much to take. Blair thought he meant those awful words and the scariest part was how close to the truth he was. She hadn't been happy with Marcus at all and the part that hurt the worst was that she knew this and couldn't do anything about t.

_**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**_

_**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**_

That song had brought back so many difficult memories for her yet she knew what was next and as she read the title, The Truth, she felt herself smile. The song that she was sure Chuck was referring to had been playing when he found her that night. As his voice started once more, she braced herself for the explanation he was sure to give.

"I hate to think where we would be today if Serena had never told me what she knew. Maybe we would be in the exact same place we are now, or maybe we would be in this place only without the knowledge that we weren't trying to destroy each other. Sure it would have been easier that way but at the same time we would have all of the memories of the past couple of months. They would be replaced by memories of plotting and destruction; so could never wish not to know. But Blair when I walked up to that door and saw the way that Marcus was treating you, I had to restrain myself from killing him. I wanted to, more than anything at that moment. I wanted to rip him limb from limb. But I knew at that moment that you needed me more than I needed to kill Marcus. So I went to you and you told me that you were doing all this for me. I still think that you were wrong to do that Blair, so very wrong. I'm not worth it. That night burns into my memory though. I had missed your taste so much, I had missed you."

_**The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting  
It couldn't be that we have been this way before  
I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core**_

But hold your breath . 

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind **_

It had been her intention to never let Chuck know what she was doing. She didn't want him finding out because she knew it would only make things more difficult. She had been so right about that. It was even harder to leave now, knowing the strength of the love that she was leaving behind but at the same time, like Chuck, she was glad that they knew.

_**I won't live to see another day  
I swear its true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find**_

This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed  
But I have loved you from the start 

He had given her hope that night, hope that he could fix this, that there was a way out. After Marcus hurt her that day, the gentleness that Chuck treated her with was so juxtaposed, so contrasting. Like it didn't quite fit. But still she let him give her hope.

_**Oh, But hold your breath**_

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
It's impossible to find 

She and Chuck had slept together many times and each time was special or different but as many times as they slept together only some of them she would classify as making love. Not that they didn't love each other during the others, they really did; however there were times that what they were doing was just so much more.

_**So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep**_

And hold onto your words  
'Cause talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep 

That night had been one of those times; a time when they weren't just going through the motions, weren't just overcome by passion, they were showing one another how they felt because words weren't enough.

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find**_

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find 

His voice singing that song was just so fitting and Blair was still so lost amongst her thoughts and his voice resonating in her ears that she was a little startled when she heard him speaking again and looked down quickly to see the title, Loving You. She had no idea what song this might be so she listened to his explanation.

"I almost didn't add this song on here but I decided that it was indeed a part of our story. We were so frustrated at this point because we knew that we were giving up a chance at being together more to protect Nate. It was an intense fiery culmination of our feelings and in the end I just couldn't leave it out."

_**My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you**_

This fire rising through my being  
Burning, I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive 

It was only a little strange to hear Chuck singing All Around You by Flyleaf, since it was generally always sung by a female, but Chuck made it work.

_**I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing**_

My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place 

That night had been so passionate. It was by far the most destructive that they had been with one another since they had gotten together again. That was the first time in so long that they fully gave over to their passions and desires and let them take control. Chuck had been being so gentle with her for so long. In all actuality, they hadn't had sex like this since winter of their junior year. It was so all consuming.

_**The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they all choose you**_

And so I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

She remembered leaving deep scratches down his back and she had had more than one hicky. The roughness of it was primitive in nature. It was their desire left untamed and unmonitored. It was everything they wanted culminating in pure unadulterated passion.

_**I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing**_

Take my hand  
I give it to you  
Now you own me, all I am  
You said you would never leave me  
I believe you  
I believe...

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed

Blair was breathing hard by the end of the song, it was strange what hearing the song could do to her. What it could make her feel. She looked down at the title of the next song, if only to distract herself, Still Learning. Blair wasn't sure what the song was going to be for this one and even when Chuck started talking she wasn't positive.

"It took me a lot longer than I would have liked to figure the whole relationship thing out. I wanted for it to be simply and easy, I just wanted to love you and let that be enough. You had to teach me so much. Like for instance, you had to teach me that you weren't perfect, even though I stand by the fact that regardless of whether or not you are perfect, you are perfect for me. BUT as you so clearly stated the night that you introduced me to this song, you aren't an angel."

_**You never promised me a ray of light  
You never promised there'd be sunshine everyday  
You gave me everything you had**_

_**The good  
The bad**_

Why did I put you on a pedestal  
Up so high that you can't see the ground below  
So I'll help you down  
I had it wrong  
You don't belong there

Chuck had completely rearranged the song, which was definitely a good thing seeing as how it was recorded by Bethany Joy Lenz. It only took a moment of listening for Blair to decide that she actually preferred his version of the song; but that wasn't hard to believe since she just plan loved to hear Chuck sing.

_**One thing is clear**_

_**You wear a halo  
You wear a halo when I look at you  
But standing from there  
I wouldn't say so  
I wouldn't say so if I were you  
And I  
I just wanna love you  
Oh  
Oh  
I  
I just wanna love you **_

She remembered clearly the night that she had had Chuck listen to this song. Blair had lied to him that night about where she was and he had caught her comforting Nate. Any normal boyfriend would have been jealous and lashed out but Chuck had equated it to his shortcomings rather than her own.

_**You always said that you would make mistakes  
You're only human and that's your saving grace  
You fall as hard as you try so I won't be blinded**_

I see you as you really are 

_**You have flaws and sometimes you even sin  
So I'll pull you from that pedestal  
(Pull you from that pedestal)  
You don't belong there  
(You don't belong)**_

Most girls would have loved to get off scot free from that situation but Blair had learned an important lesson with Nate. No relationship was perfect, no person didn't mess up, and the worst thing someone can do is ignore issues and flaws because then they build up and become to much to bear.

_**One thing is clear  
You wear a halo  
You wear a halo when I look at you  
But standing from there  
I wouldn't say so  
I wouldn't say so if I were you **_

_**And I  
I just wanna love you  
Oh  
Oh  
I  
I just wanna love you **_

Chuck had been doing that and it had terrified her because she didn't want to ever lose him because of something that could have been prevented by simply telling the truth. She remembered screaming at him that she had lied to him, that he couldn't just be okay with that.

_**I think that I know you  
But in my eyes you am something above me  
It was only in my mind  
Only in my mind**_

You wear  
You wear  
You wear a halo 

In a round about way this conversation almost led to sex in Nate's living room; which would have been quite difficult to explain later on. That conversation was one that probably saved their relationship, however short it turned out to be.

_**One thing is clear  
You wore a halo  
You wore a halo when I looked at you  
But standing from there  
I wouldn't say so  
I wouldn't say so if I were you  
And I  
I just wanna love you  
Oh  
Oh  
I  
I just wanna love you  
(I just wanna love you) **_

Blair knew the next song without reading the title or hearing Chuck speak, it would be Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin; however, she read the title anyway, You Are Beautiful. Chuck would call it that.

"Blair, when I got a phone call from you the night that Marcus came back I was more scared than I think I've ever been in my entire life. Your voice on the phone was terrifying. I didn't tell you this then but I actually ran about eight blocks to get to your apartment that night and if it wasn't for Mr. Jamison, the bellhop, I probably would have had some kind of aneurism because I couldn't get upstairs to you. I was so relieved when I reached you and you were okay, so relieved. I have a favor to ask you Blair. Try, for me, not to make yourself sick because I can't be there to take care of you and I can't live knowing that you are hurting yourself. I love you too much."

_**She loves her momma's lemonade,**_

_**Hates the sound that goodbye's make.**_

_**She prays one day, she'll find someone to need her.**_

_**She swears that there's no difference,**_

_**Between the lies and compliments.**_

_**It's all the same, if everybody leaves her.**_

_**And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,**_

_**The pictures that she sees make her cry.**_

_**And she would change everything, everything just ask her.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,**_

_**And she just needs someone to take her home.**_

Blair clearly remembered that night. Marcus came in and acted like a total ass. As she stormed up the stairs all she could think about was how good it was going to feel to let it all out. So she had gone strait to the bathroom and purged herself of all of it, like she wished she could purge herself of Marcus. This time she didn't even taken her normal precautions.

_**She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant, **_

_**Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.**_

_**She never stays the same for long ,**_

_**Assuming that she'll get it wrong.**_

_**Perfect only in her imperfection.**_

_**She's not a drama queen, **_

_**She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired.**_

_**She would change everything for happy ever after.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,**_

_**But she just needs someone to take her home.**_

She had called Chuck because she knew that he would take care of her; which he had done without pause. He had treated her like a precious doll even in that awful state. He told her how much he loved her and with that he had given her strength. The kind of strength that can only come from being loved, being needed.

_**Cuz she's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's okay.**_

_**And she would change everything, everything just ask her.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster**_

_**And she would change everything for happy ever after.**_

_**Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster**_

_**But she just needs someone to take her home.**_

_**Yeah she just needs someone to take her home.**_

"Now for one of my favorite memories; the first time I ever heard you sing in the shower. I have a surprise though because this one isn't me singing, it's you. I used one of the records you made in the studio, you'll notice, it's the same with Breathless as well. The first time I heard you sing was incredible to me. I had no idea that you were so talented and I honestly loved listening to you sing. It quickly became my favorite part of the morning. So here's _Singing in the Shower _also known as you singing Taylor Swift's Love Story. "

_**We were both young when I first saw you  
I close my eyes and the flashback starts  
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air  
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns  
See you make your way through the crowd  
And say hello, little did I know**_

That you were Romeo  
You were throwing pebbles  
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet  
And I was crying on the staircase  
Begging you please don't go

And I said  
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone  
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess  
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you  
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew  
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

Oh, oh, oh 

Blair couldn't help but sing along. She loved this song so much. It was one of her absolute favorites. When she saw Marcus look over at her she stopped immediately. He obviously knew that she could sing because he had heard her at the wedding but he certainly didn't earn the right to get a personal concert. She was going to have to be careful of that when she got ready in the mornings.

_**'Cause you were Romeo,  
I was a scarlet letter  
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet  
But you were everything to me  
I was begging you please don't go**_

And I said  
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone  
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess  
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel  
This love is difficult, but it's real  
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess  
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh oh

She and Chuck had been a lot like that song. People didn't want them together, they said that they were bad for each other but they had always found a way back to one another. As Blair sat there thinking she couldn't help but wish that Chuck had taken her away from all of it .

_**I got tired of waiting  
Wondering if you were ever coming around  
My faith in you was fading  
When I met you on the outskirts of town**_

And I said  
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone  
I keep waiting for you but you never come  
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think  
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring  
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone  
I love you and that's all I really know  
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress  
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

She would have married him if he had asked. If he had shown up in France with an engagement ring she would have married him. She knew that now. If Marcus wasn't in the picture she would marry Chuck any time, any place, any where. Blair looked down already knowing that the next song would be Breakfast at Tiffany's, but she wanted to see the title Chuck had invented, Getting Caught. Yep that was appropriate.

"I'm so glad that I was curious when I heard you singing this next song. If I hadn't been then you might never have known what a great singer you actually are. So here's to your favorite song."

_**You'll say, we've got nothing in common  
No common ground to start from  
And we're falling apart  
You'll say, the world has come between us  
Our lives have come between us  
Still I know you just don't care**_

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"  
She said, "I think I remember the film  
And as I recall, i think, we both kind of liked it"  
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was grinning from ear to ear and she knew it. This song just had that effect on her. It made her so happy. In a way it reminded her of their relationship. No one wanted them together and so many times they realized that they were nothing alike but they still found their way back.

_**I see you, the only one who knew me  
And now your eyes see through me  
I guess I was wrong  
So what now, it's plain to see we're over  
And I hate when things are over  
When so much is left undone**_

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"  
She said, "I think I, remember the film  
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"  
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

They had so many fights but it always came down to the fact that they were the only ones who really knew each other. No one else knew the real them and that was enough to keep them together.

_**You'll say, that we've got nothing in common  
No common ground to start from  
And we're falling apart  
You'll say the world has come between us  
Our lives have come between us  
Still I know you just don't care**_

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"  
She said, "I think I, remember that film  
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"  
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was thankful that Chuck had come in on her singing that day; thankful that he was curious because the fact that she sang was just another thing they had in common something else that they could share.

_**And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"  
She said, "I think I, remember that film  
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"  
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"**_

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"  
She said, "I think I, remember that film  
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"  
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was still smiling when she looked down at the next title, _And She Sings. _Chuck had mentioned earlier that he had her version of breathless on there so she knew what was coming. "I'm so glad I took you to my father's studio that afternoon and I'm so glad that you sang for me. It's one of those memories I mentioned earlier that I would never want to lose. Please never stop singing in the shower."

_**Go on**_

_**Go on**_

_**Leave me breathless**_

_**Come on**_

_**The daylight's fading slowly, but time with you is standing still**_

_**I'm waiting for you only, the slightest touch and I feel weak**_

_**I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide**_

_**And I'm losing the will to try**_

_**Can't hide it, Can't fight it**_

Blair remembered the nervousness she had felt going into that studio but Chuck had said something that really motivated her. He had said "Don't you trust me?" And Blair had felt like she owed it to him to do that after he had been so good with trusting her. So she had done it.

_**So go on**_

_**Go on**_

_**Come on leave me breathless**_

_**Tempt me, tease me **_

_**Until I can't deny this loving feeling**_

_**Make me long for your kiss**_

_**Go on**_

_**Go on**_

_**Yeah Come on**_

_**Yeah**_

_**And if there's no tomorrow and all we have is here and now**_

_**I'm happy just to have you**_

_**You're all the love I need somehow**_

_**It's like a dream although I'm not asleep**_

_**I never want to wake up**_

_**Don't lose it, Don't leave it**_

Her worries had quickly dissipated. It was just Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair, and there was nothing to be afraid of. Soon enough she had danced as she sang; having more fun than she had had in a long time.

_**So go on**_

_**Go on**_

_**Come on leave me breathless**_

_**Tempt me, tease me **_

_**Until I can't deny this loving feeling**_

_**Make me long for your kiss**_

_**Go on **_

_**Go on**_

_**Yeah **_

_**Come on**_

_**Yeah **_

_**Yeah**_

_**yeah **_

_**Yeah**_

She still remembered what a release it had been. She could pour her soul into it if she wanted to, let everything she was feeling be released into the song and she did. That day had been so good for her.

_**And I can't lie**_

_**From you I cannot hide**_

_**And I've lost my will to try**_

_**Can't hide it, Can't fight it**_

_**So go on **_

_**Go on **_

_**Come on leave me breathless**_

_**Tempt me, tease me **_

_**Until I can't deny this loving feeling**_

_**Make me long for your kiss**_

_**Go on **_

_**Go on**_

_**Come on leave me breathless**_

_**Go on **_

_**Go on **_

_**Come on leave me breathless**_

_**Go on**_

_**Go on**_

"So, this next song will always remind me of those few frantic weeks before the wedding. They seemed to be flying by. In our whole relationship we never seemed to have enough time. I hope you know how hard I tried during this time. All I wanted was to find something to stop that wedding from happening."

Blair looked down at the song's title right as Chuck started singing, Time Passed Too Fast. It fit so well because Chuck was right, they should have had more time.

_**I never knew,  
I never knew that everything,  
Was falling through.  
That everyone I knew,  
Was waiting on a cue,  
To turn and run,  
When all I needed was the truth.**_

But that's how it's got to be.  
It's coming down to,  
Nothing more than apathy.  
I'd rather run the other way,  
Than stay and see,  
The smoke and who's still,  
Standing when it clears.

And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.

Blair thought back to those weeks. They had been great because she had spent them with Chuck and her friends but all of them had been so busy the whole time trying to figure out a way out. Thinking about it now; knowing that they weren't going to find anything, Blair almost wished that they hadn't of even tried because they wasted so much time that could have just been spent together.

_**Let's rearrange.  
I wish you were a stranger,  
I could disengage.  
Just say that we agree,  
And then never change.  
Soften a bit,  
Until we all just get along.**_

But that's disregard.  
You find another friend,  
And you discard,  
As you lose the argument,  
In a cable car,  
Hanging above,  
As the canyon comes between.

And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.

As she continued listening to the song, Blair realized that she didn't regret it after all because if they hadn't of tried they would have never known for sure. Besides, it wasn't in any of them to just let things be and not try.

_**And suddenly,  
I become a part of your past.  
I'm becoming the part,  
That don't last.  
I'm losing you,  
And its effortless.**_

Without a sound,  
We lose sight of the ground,  
In the throw around.  
Never thought that you wanted,  
To bring it down.  
I won't let it go down,  
'Till we torch it ourselves.

And everyone knows I'm in,  
Over my head.  
Over my head.  
With eight seconds left in overtime,  
She's on your mind.  
She's on your mind.

Blair knew all too well what song was coming next and knowing this meant that she knew that she was going to be crying. Hearing this song again might very well break her heart. She looked down at the title, _Always Remember_, and it confirmed her suspicions. She was slightly in awe though, this had happened last night, how had Chuck managed to record this today?

"I promised you, the night before your wedding that I would always remember you and I will Blair. I tried my best to meet your every want and need that night and I hope that I succeeded because what I wanted more than anything was to give you a night that you could keep."

_**I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one 

Blair listened to the lyrics of the song. It was something that she hadn't done last night because last night she had been listening to Chuck. As she heard the lyrics she did as they said. She remembered back to when they were little and Chuck told her she looked pretty. She remembered the shared glances she and Chuck had about things that Serena and Nate would never quite understand. Blair thought back to some of their best scheming and plotting.

_**I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard 

Blair thought about the way Chuck had looked at her that night in the limo; like she was special. She thought about last year, their sneaking around together. She remembered her birthday last year; the way Chuck had comforted her and the Erikson Beamon necklace. Blair remembered the day before Cotillion when Chuck had told her that she was so much more to him than an accessory.

_**But I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light 

She remembered how Chuck had blackmailed her because he couldn't stand seeing her with Nate and how he was so upset that he blogged to Gossip Girl and called her a whore. She remembered Chuck's best man speech and telling Chuck about her problem. Blair remembered this summer; the lying, the games, telling each other they loved one another, and then Marcus. Blair remembered the Gala party, she remembered Chuck taking care of her.

_**And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories**_

And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
Weep not for the memories

Even as all of these other memories flew through her head, most of all she remembered last night. Everything about it had been perfect and she would always be grateful to Chuck for giving her that.

Surprisingly, Blair realized that she was smiling instead of crying. It killed her that they weren't together. If she thought about it enough she knew that she wouldn't be able to breathe because it hurt too much; but thinking about the memories, thinking about what made everything worthwhile didn't make her cry at all. At Chuck finished singing, she looked down at the next song, _The Wedding Singer_. Once more she shook her head. Blair had absolutely no idea how Chuck had pulled this off.

"What was I thinking getting on stage today? It was probably a bad idea from the start; but I suppose I just wanted to feel a part of your wedding and give you something else because I could never give you as much as you deserve."

_**I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,  
While you're far away and dreaming,  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,  
I could stay lost in this moment forever,  
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,**_

I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Thinking back to this morning, Blair realized how hard this must have been for Chuck. He was so angry with her for going through with the wedding but he kept giving her everything that she could possibly want. Over just the past few days he had given her so much.

_**Lying close to you,  
feeling your heart beating,  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,  
And then I kiss your eyes,  
And thank God we're together,  
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,  
Forever and ever.**_

I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.  


Blair thought that moment about how hard it was going to be to never see Chuck again. It had never been real before; but now, now she was moving an ocean away from him.

_**And I don't wanna miss one smile,  
I don't wanna miss one kiss,  
I just wanna be with you,  
Right here with you, just like this,  
Well I just wanna hold you close,  
And feel your heart so close to mine,  
And just stay here in this moment,  
For all the rest of time  
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah**_

I don't wanna close my eyes,  
I don't wanna fall asleep,  
Cause I'd miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing,  
Cause even when I dream of you,  
The sweetest dream would never do,  
I'd still miss you babe,  
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Blair remembered the point earlier today when she had realized that she could have married Chuck. It had taken her by surprise but as she sat there on the plane, listening to him sing those words once more, she knew it was true.

_**Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing **_

Blair smiled as she saw the next song, _Sing With Me_. "I hope that this song is in the right spot. It's the recording that we made that day at the record studio; but if things went as planned, we sang it together this afternoon at your wedding reception. I hope that it was the later."

_**Dancing where the stars go blue  
Dancing where the evening fell  
Dancing in my wooden shoes  
In a wedding gown**_

Dancing out on seventh street  
Dancing through the underground  
Dancing little marionette  
Are you happy now  
Yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely  
Where do you go when you're blue  
Where do you go when you're lonely  
I'll follow you 

_**When the stars go blue  
When the stars go blue **_

This afternoon, with Chuck, had been the first time she had ever sung in front of anyone. It had been surreal; but Chuck had made her feel so completely comfortable.

_**Ooh  
Ooh  
Ooh  
Ooh  
Ooh**_

Laughing with your pretty mouth

_**(Laughing with your pretty mouth)  
Laughing with your broken eyes  
(Laughing with your broken eyes)  
Laughing with your lover's tongue  
In a lullaby  
Yeah**_

Where do you go when you're lonely  
Where do you go when you're blue  
Where do you go when you're lonely  
I'll follow you

Yeah  
Yeah

She was actually thankful that he had called her up on stage. It had been like a dream to be singing in front of everyone; even if it was untraditional for a bride to do something like that at her own wedding. Blair had thrown tradition out the window when she fell in love with Chuck.

_**Where do you go when you're lonely  
Where do you go where you're blue  
Where do you go when you're lonely  
I'll follow you  
Follow you  
Follow you**_

Yeah  
Yeah  
When the stars go blue  
When the stars go blue  
When the stars go blue  
When the stars go blue

Where do you go when you're lonely  
Where do you go when the stars go blue

"I want you to know Blair that in all of these songs that I chose for your wedding, I mean every single word. Like this next one, no matter what happens, how far away from me you are you will always be a part of me. I couldn't stop you from getting married but I know you and I know that you will never forget what we've had together."

_**We were as one, babe  
For a moment in time  
And it seemed everlasting  
That you would always be mine  
Now you want to be free, yeah  
So I'm letting you fly  
'cause I know in my heart, babe  
Our love will never die, no**_

You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

Blair bit her lip trying not to cry. It had been difficult this afternoon; listening to Chuck sing all of these songs for her. She knew that he meant all of them too.

_**I ain't gonna cry, no  
And I won't beg you to stay  
If you're determined to leave, girl  
I will not stand in your way  
But inevitably,  
You'll be back again  
'Cause you know in your heart, babe  
Our love will never end, no**_

You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

She had shared this dance with Nate tonight and it had been nice. There would always be something there with Nate, even though she had lost her virginity to Chuck, Nate could claim so many of her other firsts; dates, kisses, heartbreaks, actually pretty much everything except for her first time had been with Nate and that was stuff you don't forget.

_**I know that you'll be back, girl  
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh  
I know that you'll be right back, baby  
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time**_

You'll always be a part of me  
I'm part of you indefinitely  
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way, you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my, my baby 

The dance had been an opportunity to say good bye to her first love and every girl deserves that. She was so glad that she and Nate were friends now and that he was so happy with Jenny. He deserved to be happy.

_**(You'll always be a part of me)  
You will always be  
(I'm part of you indefinitely  
(Girl, don't you know you can't escape me)  
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby  
(And we'll linger on)  
We will linger on  
(Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
(No way, you're never gonna shake me  
(Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby)**_

Always be my baby…

Blair had to wipe away a tear and she looked down to see the next song even though she knew what it would be. Chuck had called it _Just Us_, and Blair knew that it was You and Me, by Lifehouse.

"Blair, this song always reminded me of us because anytime that we are together I feel like we are all that matters. Time freezes and it's just us and I can't ever stop looking at you."

_**What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time**_

Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you 

Chuck was right about this song being like them. They had finally admitted that they loved each other knowing that they had nothing to lose and everything to gain and every time that they were together after that it was just them, the rest of the world didn't matter.

_**All of the things that I want to say  
Just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here**_

Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you 

Blair remembered dancing to this with Dan this afternoon, while Chuck sang. Dan had been wonderful the past couple of months and as strange as it was for Blair to think about, they had actually become friends. Close friends. She trusted Dan.

_**Something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything she does is beautiful  
Everything she does is right**_

Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of 

_**You and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and  
It's you and me and all of the people and  
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you **_

She trusted Dan and she was going to miss him. That fact surprised her. She would have never guessed that the day would come when she would miss Brooklyn. But thinking back over the past months, he had been there for her. She remembered the night when they had gone dancing, it had been so much fun, which was something she had been in desperate need for.

_**What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive **_

When Blair looked down at the next song, You Have Been the One, she readied herself for the tears that were sure to come. "I don't quite know what to say as an intro to this song Blair. I think the lyrics pretty much say it all. "

_**Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won**_

So I took what's mine by eternal right  
Took your soul out into the night  
It may be over but it won't stop there  
I am here for you if you'd only care

You touched my heart you touched my soul  
You changed my life and all my goals  
And love is blind and that I knew when  
My heart was blinded by you  
I've kissed your lips and held your head  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed  
I know you well, I know your smell  
I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me

As she listened to the lyrics her heart shattered. She remembered this morning; she had known that something was about to happen when she told Nate to take care of everyone. She saw the kind of pain that Chuck had been in singing.

_**I am a dreamer and when I wake  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take  
And as you move on, remember me  
Remember us and all we used to be**_

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile  
I've watched you sleeping for a while  
I'd be the father of your child  
I'd spend a lifetime with you

I know your fears and you know mine  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine  
And I love you, I swear that's true  
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me

The words of the song were so true for them. She knew now that Chuck would do anything in the world for her, including marrying her, or having children with her. He knew everything there was to know about her and she was pretty sure she knew everything about him. At very least she knew more than anyone else. They had been friends first, then lovers, and then they had realized that they were meant to be together.

_**And I still hold your hand in mine  
In mine when I'm asleep  
And I will bear my soul in time  
When I'm kneeling at your feet**_

Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me

When he had come to her on the dance floor singing then kissing her she had nearly died because as hard as this was for Chuck, it was hard for her two. He had been the one for her and always would be.

_**I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow**_

I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Blair was crying as quietly as she could manage but she could see Marcus watching her from a few seats away. She didn't want his attention but she thought that he would probably let her be after their last little conversation. There was a fairly large pause before Chuck started speaking again. At first Blair thought that that was it because as far as she knew, they were out of songs. However, when she looked down she realized that there was one more,_ My Promise_.

Chuck's voice sounded as though he had been crying when he finally spoke again. "This song isn't one you probably know, it's on here because it's the truth. I've done some stupid things in our relationship Blair and I'm sorry. Know that this is all true and that this song is my promise to you."

_**Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.  
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.  
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding  
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it**_

_**I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground  
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now  
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out  
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.**_

Blair listened to the words, understanding what Chuck meant about them being the truth. He had made up for the things that he had said last year and all the ways that he had messed up but it still felt like if something had been different than it wouldn't have come to this.

_**By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you**_

_**I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing  
My mind was closing, now I'm believing  
I finally know just what it means to let someone in  
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will  
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone  
I'd search forever just to bring you home,  
Here and now this I vow**_

She knew how many of Chuck's walls she had broken through. It had been a struggle ever step of the way but that had only made them closer. It seemed to her like he was now promising her that no matter where she was, if she would only ask, he would come for her.

_**By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you  
You know I'd always come for you**_

_**Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,  
Yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you**_

The chorus reduced Blair to tears once more. She knew that she was the only person that Chuck would do anything for if she asked. She knew that he would fight for her, lie for her, die for her. He loved her that much.

_**No matter what gets in my way  
As long as there's still life in me  
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you  
I'd crawl across this world for you  
Do anything you want me to  
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you  
You know I'll always come for you**_

"Blair, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you so I need you to remember that. Remember that no matter what happens as long as you call me, I'll be there, I promise. I wanted you to have this, to be able to listen to it, whenever you want, so that you will never forget that I love you, always have, always will.

As Chuck's voice stopped speaking Blair couldn't control her tears and so she sat it on repeat and laid her head against the airplane window.

______________________________________________________________________________  
**  
A/N: I know, it's been forever since my last update. I love you guys so much though for being so understanding. Btw, that's all for the ipod, we'll be back to the storyline in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo**

**kate**

**Song list as they appear on the ipod**

**Confessions: Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse**

**So Wrong, So Fast: Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade**

**I Could Never Hate You: Hate Me - Blue October**

**Revenge: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - PANIC! At the Disco**

**The Truth: Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade**

**Loving You: All Around You - Flyleaf**

**Still Learning: Halo - Bethany Joy Galeotti**

**You Are Beautiful: Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin**

**Singing in the Shower: Love Story - Taylor Swift**

**Getting Caught :) :Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something**

**And She Sings: Breathless - The Corrs**

**Time Passed Too Fast: Over My Head - The Fray**

**Always Remember: I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan**

**The Wedding Singer: I Don't Want to Miss A Thing - Areosmith**

**Sing With Me: When the Stars Go Blue - Bethany Joy Galeotti and Tyler Hilton**

**Part of Me: Always Be My Baby - David Cook**

**Just Us: You and Me - Lifehouse**

**You Have Been the One: Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt**

**My Promise: I'd Come For You - Nickelback**


	32. Welcome to London Princess

**IMPORTANT: So here's the deal guys, I'm basically swamped right now. Last semester I went for about two months or so without updating and I don't want that to happen again. I really enjoy writing so I am going to make a serious effort to update once a week. I love you guys**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

_________________________________________________________________________

"Blair, wake up." Marcus said quietly, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Blair we're in England." He had wanted to be as gentle as possible because more than anything he wanted her to forgive him for his behavior earlier. And he was slightly enthused by the small smile on her delicate features.

Slowly Blair began to stir. As she opened her eyes, she was met with the bright rays of sun pouring through the window and a male voice. She smiled thinking that Chuck must have opened the curtains to the room. Then Marcus's face came into focus and all the events of the past couple of days came flooding back into her mind. The window was an airplane window, she was in England, she was married to Marcus, and she was quite possibly never going to see Chuck again. The sudden impact of it all was almost too much to handle at once and she turned her head away.

Marcus had thought for one moment that Blair had forgiven him; that she was going to try to be happy. Then he realized that Blair must have been unaware of where she was because the second she truly woke up, her dazzling smile had become a frown. All the enthusiasm fell from his face when he saw her smile disappear; nothing had changed. As he stood up from the seat next to Blair and reached out his hand to help her, his voice was much more composed, the moment's excitement gone. "Come on, we have places to be this morning."

Blair knew that she needed to make a decision about how she was going to handle things. Either she could turn herself into Marcus's worst nightmare, treating him the same way that she had been over the past few weeks or she could try to be complacent. Blair made a split second decision and nodded her head, placing her hand in his.

As he pulled her to her feet, Marcus had to hold back a smile, the fact that she wasn't putting up a fight today meant that they had at least made a little progress. "Would you like to change first Blair? There will likely be paparazzi hounding us the second we step off this plane, since you are England's newest Princess and trust me they go crazy over us royals across the pond."

Blair looked at him for a moment, trying to find out what was in it for Marcus to be so considerate of her. With that she realized that he might really just care about her. So once again she nodded her head. "Okay, do you have any suggestions? I want to make a good impression." Blair said, even giving a little smile. If Blair was going to do this, she was going to really do it. She didn't do anything halfway.

Marcus couldn't help but smile then. "Anything you would pick would be fine Blair; you have impeccable style. But if you need a reference think Grace Kelly."

At first Blair felt nauseous seeing Marcus smile and hearing him complement her so cheesily, but she shook it off and went to her suitcase. After selecting a red tank dress that hit a few inches above her knees, a black cardigan, a pair of black pumps, and a black headband, Blair went to the bathroom to change. As she touched up her makeup, Blair couldn't help but wonder what she was doing. This was crazy, after everything Marcus had put her through why was she just going to give in to what he wanted. She looked into her own eyes in her reflection; they were so sad and something was missing from them. The sparkle that used to be there was gone, Chuck was gone. She didn't want to be miserable and that was her answer. That was why she was doing this, giving in. As much as she hated it, as much as she wanted to go home, Marcus was right, she could let herself not be miserable, she could let herself be like she was with Nate before she knew what real love was like; all she had to do was pretend. She had had the kind of love that most people only dream about with Chuck; she had had the fairy tale, if the ipod had taught her anything, it was that. Now she just had to be thankful that she had had the chance to have it and accept what she had now, with Marcus. Blair exited the bathroom and saw Marcus standing there near the plane's exit; waiting patiently and she knew that she could do this.

Damn his wife was gorgeous, was Marcus's first thought as Blair exited the restroom. He gave her another smile, this one she returned, if not brightly; but he would take it. "Well, Mrs. Rhodes are you ready to make your grand entrance? I'll have our bags brought in later so all we need to do is brave the cameras."

Blair answered by walking to Marcus and placing her arm in his. "Let's do this." With that they exited the plane together and were of course greeted by hundreds of flashes and chorusing photographers. Which Blair of course handled gracefully.

"Princess Rhodes look over here." Shouted one, to which Blair replied by flashing a gorgeous smile.

"How's newlywed life?" Yelled another.

Marcus decided to answer that one, not quite sure what Blair might say. "Fabulous so far." He said with a laugh.

Blair jumped in on the question as well. "Yes, I suppose we'll have to let you know on that one."

"What's it like to go from nobody to Princess?" Asked another reporter.

Blair laughed and said in a way that oozed charm. "Well, I was hardly a nobody." All the reporters laughed with her before she continued. "But, I suppose it's every girl's dream," she looked up at Marcus with eyes that could only be described as adoring before looking back at the cameras. "Don't all little girls want Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to Happily Ever After."

All of the reporters made awwing sounds as they continued snapping pictures as the royal couple stepped into their town car. Blair gave one last dazzling smile and wave before allowing Marcus to help her in.

Once Marcus had shut the door, Blair sighed and collapsed against her seat. Marcus looked over at her and shook his head. "You are incredible, you must know that."

Blair turned her head to face him and smirked. "What can I say, it's natural or if not quite natural it's the result of good Upper East Side breeding." She followed it with a soft smile before looking out the window.

Marcus watched as Blair took in the sights of London. He didn't want to spoil the change of heart that Blair had seemed to have but he was so curious that he had to ask. "Blair" Marcus said quietly to get her attention.

"Hmm" She said, looking back at Marcus.

"Not that I'm not appreciative Blair, but why have you suddenly decided to go along with all of this?" Marcus asked cautiously.

Blair scrunched up her eyebrows as she thought about it, in a way that Marcus could only think of as adorable, before she answered. "You were right earlier, I can choose not to be miserable. I've been through a lot in my life and I've always come out on top by taking what I have and working with it. So yeah, I don't love you and yeah, I do love someone else, but I get by, by making do with what I have. It's what I do."

"Okay." Marcus said, turning to face forward.

"Wait a sec." Blair said, causing Marcus to turn back towards her. "While we are being honest with each other, can I ask you something?"

Marcus looked at her as though she had asked one of the silliest questions that he had ever heard. "Blair you can ask me anything."

She took a deep breath before asking the question that she had been pondering for what seemed like forever. "Are we going to, you know, consummate the marriage?"

Marcus raised his thumbs and pressed them to his eye sockets as though he had a bad headache. He wasn't sure how to answer her. By English law, a marriage wasn't valid until it was consummated and especially in his new position such validation was important. The Queen would be furious if she found out that they hadn't already. However, he didn't want to rush Blair.

Blair had continued talking rapidly as he thought about it, as though she was trying to explain her need for asking. "Because before I would have definitely thought that you would well expect that from me but then after you came back from Yale things were different so I didn't know. And I just need to know whether or not I need to be preparing myself . . ."

After what seemed like an eternity he looked back at Blair and interrupted her, "Blair, slow down. We won't; not until you're ready."

Blair exhaled the breath that she had been holding and smiled. "Thank you, Marcus." With that she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.

That's when Marcus realized that the way to Blair was to put what she wanted above what he wanted or needed. That was the only way that she would ever truly come around. "But Blair, if you are asked about it, you must pretend as though we have because things won't go well if people find out otherwise."

Blair nodded and laid her head on his shoulder. "That I can do." She whispered.

As they arrived at Buckingham, Blair became nervous because for the first time she realized that she was about to meet the Queen of England. She looked over at Marcus and was surprised to find that he looked absolutely petrified. Knowing that it was vital that they make a good impression, Blair reached over and took hold of his hand. "There's nothing to be nervous about Marcus, she's still your grandmother."

He looked at Blair, "Yes, that's what she's always been before; my grandmother, the Queen of England. You see, it's me who's changed now because now I am Marcus Beckam Rhodes Prince of Wales. This will be the first time I've seen my grandmother as such." As he was speaking the car door was opened and he stepped out of the town car before turning to aid his new wife.

Blair knew that as a wife it was her job now to reassure her husband and as she allowed him to help her from the town car she spoke reassuringly. "And you will be fine."

"How are you so calm?" Marcus asked inquisitively. "I mean really Blair, you are walking strait into a meeting with the bloody Queen of freaking England only hours after our wedding."

Blair smiled reassuringly. "The lineage of Upper East Side royalty dates back further and their power is nearly as great, so let's just say I've had some practice." Blair said, her nervousness had actually been calmed a great deal as she focused on taking care of Marcus. "Plus, you aren't exactly the first Prince I've ever dated; just the first one I married." Blair said with a laugh.

Marcus raised his eyebrows intrigued as they started up the Palace stairs. "Really and may I ask who the lucky gentleman was?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "Actually, it was Prince Theodore of Denmark."

"Teddy?" Marcus asked in surprise and he was even more surprised at the sudden flash of jealousy that swept through him. Why did he have this intense urge to kill Teddy? They had been childhood friends; attending the same boarding school in Switzerland. "Was it serious?" He asked cautiously.

Blair could barely withhold her laughter at that question. "God no." She exclaimed. "He was supposed to be my date for Cotillion. We had gone on a few dates and ran in the same social circles; I had vacationed in Denmark for part of the previous summer and had gotten to know his parents. That's all there ever was with us because there was never any real spark on my side."

Marcus nodded his head in relief. "Good, I was afraid I was going to have to kill him." He said only half jokingly.

Blair giggled before realizing that they were now at the entrance to the Queen's office. She had been briefed in the town car on the proper etiquette; so as the butler knocked on the door and entered to announce them, they simply waited for the key words from the Queen.

"Come in." They heard through the solid Cherry Oak doors. Blair gave Marcus's hand one last squeeze before they confidantly made their way into the Queen's office.

**B, B, B oh how we miss you. Why ever did you leave us for dreary old London? Well, at least we are still getting updates from across the pond; seems like I've gone international guys! Here's some pics sent to me straight from London, England featuring none other than England's newest Princess and her hubby stepping out of a town car at Buckingham Palace. May I just say that the role of Princess totally suits you darling?**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

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**A/N: I know it's not as long as most of my chapters and there wasn't any C/B but I hope you all still enjoyed. Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo**

**kate**


	33. Are the Games Over or Just Beginning?

**IMPORTANT: So I'm still super busy, my classes are drowning me in homework this semester :( but I still intend on writing. I'm going for one update for each fanfic a week *crosses fingers that I can do that* lol**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

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Serena's eyes widened as she saw her step brother walk into the courtyard of St. Jude and Constance Billard at lunch time Monday. She hadn't seen him since the wedding reception, no one had. Most people had assumed that he had taken off again; hopped a plane to Monaco or somewhere in the Caribbean. Even Gossip Girl had been speculating as to where Chuck would run off to this time; she had even started the layout for a Where in the World is Chuck Bass? Game. Serena had secretly hoped that he might have chased after Blair to England but clearly that wasn't the case.

As Chuck walked into the courtyard he noticed all eyes turn to him; as phones were taken out and pictures were snapped. Why his arrival was such big news he had no idea. He had been shut himself up in his old suite at the Palace and turned off his phone the moment he had left Blair at the landing pad. He hadn't wanted to be bothered by any of his friends or that blasted Gossip Girl and the thought that Blair might text made him want to destroy his phone all together because if she did he would break down and that wasn't allowed. She did what she had to do and now he had to move on. Soon enough he noticed his step-sister among the gawkers and sauntered over. "Sister, would you care to inform as to what all of these infernal people are staring at?"

Serena shot him a look of utter astonishment. "Do you really need to ask me that Chuck?"

"Obviously I do Serena or I wouldn't bother asking. Now would you please answer the question?" Chuck said completely serious. He had no idea what had all of these people so awed about seeing him. Sure he was Chuck Bass but he graced their presence daily so he had no clue what all of the fuss was about today.

Serena had to think for a minute about what to say. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times in the process.

Chuck smirked. "Why on earth are you gaping like a fish Serena? Just tell me what the hell is going on!" By the end of Chuck's statement he was a little agitated. He didn't know what everyone's problem was.

At that Serena just said the first thing that came to her mind. "Everyone's wondering what the hell you are doing here, at school, in this state, hell even in this country."

Chuck shot Serena a confused glance. "And why is that? I don't have any reason not to be here."

Finally accepting the fact that Chuck was actually being serious Serena actually answered without further prompting from him. "Umm I don't know Chuck; maybe they all thought that you would run off like you usually do or at very least shut yourself up somewhere for a while. Haven't you been reading Gossip Girl at all Chuck?"

Chuck shrugged. "I turned off my phone."

"Well turn it back on!" Serena practically shouted.

After shooting his step sister a look that said "you're f'ing crazy" Chuck pulled out his phone and turned it on. Immediately it started buzzing, as he had known it would. There were 45 missed text messages and 15 voicemails, Nate Nate Jenny Dan Serena Jenny Nate GG GG GG Serena Dan Dan Jenny Dad GG Lily Dad Eric GG Jenny Serena Nate Serena GG GG etc. He scrolled quickly through them all but he couldn't but feel a clinch in his gut that not a single one was from Blair. Chuck rolled his eyes as he looked through the Gossip Girl posts. "What is all of this nonsense? Where in the World is Chuck Bass? What the hell? I am late for school and suddenly I've skipped the country?" He read aloud in a mocking voice the post that he assumed started this mess. "Gossip Girl here. Any guesses on where the enigmatic C has disappeared to this time? I have a feeling we won't be seeing our favorite playboy for a while now since B stomped on his heart and flew off to England." Chuck looked up at Serena. "Seriously, what is all this crap?"

Serena's eyes were wide once more. Chuck was acting like this was all no big deal. Blair was gone and Chuck was acting as though it was just a regular day on the Upper East Side. She was about to shake some sense into him when Jenny walked out of Constance with Nate and spotted them. Her eyebrows shot up and she quickly hurried towards them; with Nate close behind as he realized where his girlfriend was headed.

As soon as Jenny reached Chuck she flung her arms around him. "Oh my God, Chuck, I'm so glad you're still here!"

Chuck looked down at her baffled as Nate came up and patted him on the back. "Glad to see you're still with us man."

Chuck shot Nate the same perplexed look. "What is with you people?"

Jenny and Nate looked at each other, then at Serena, before focusing their attention back on Chuck. Jenny was the first to speak. "We were just worried about you. I mean we all lost her but I guess we all just assumed that you would be well devastated."

That was the first time Chuck had really taken in their appearance. Jenny looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was wearing absolutely no makeup, which only illuminated the puffy redness of her eyes that clearly indicated she had been crying, and her hair was back in a messy bun. Plus she was wearing a SWEATSHIRT with her Constance uniform. Nate looked like he had slept in what he was wearing. Everything was wrinkled and his hair was a mess; parts of it sticking up randomly. He wasn't even wearing his uniform; something that Chuck was sure would get Nate in trouble later in the day. He studied Serena, wondering why she didn't look as disheveled as the other two and realized that she never put much into her appearance so it was more subtle. However, there were small signs like puffy eyes which she had concealed with her makeup. As Chuck was about to comment he noticed Humphrey walking across the courtyard. Even he looked unkempt, with his wrinkled Oxford and tie simply slung on. "Guys she didn't die. In fact according to Gossip Girl she is living the life she was always meant to. Look the latest post says that she's meeting with the Queen."

Dan had a similar reaction to everyone else when he reached the group. They had all been prepared to deal with Chuck Bass. Every single one of them knew what it was that they were going to say to him to help him forget her. They were ready for his attempts at self-destruction, his lashing out. But this was something that hadn't once anticipated because Chuck Bass seemed perfectly fine. This is something they weren't prepared for in the slightest.

Finally Serena snapped. "I don't get it Chuck, why aren't you lashing out, running away, destroying things?"

Chuck looked as though she had just asked him why he wasn't making out with Dan Humphrey. "I already told you Blair is clearly doing fine and I just don't see what the fuss is? So what my ex-girlfriend got married and moved away. I'm moving past it."

Nate glowered at Chuck. "We both know that she wasn't just your ex-girlfriend Chuck."

Chuck glared right back. "I could say the same for you Archibald."

Jenny stepped between the two boys before things began to escalate. But as she did Nate shouted at Chuck. "Damn it Chuck she was the love of your fucking life. You don't just get over that, I would know."

Jenny looked up at Nate, the hurt evident in all of her features. She knew that on some level Nate still loved Blair but hearing him say that felt like someone was ripping her heart out. Nate saw as her face crumbled and immediately tried to take it back. "Jenny, that's not what I meant. I'm over Blair I swear."

Taking a step backwards Jenny locked her jaw trying not to cry. "That's sure as hell not what it sounds like." Then she turned and walked quickly back towards Constance.

"Jenny, wait! Please. At least talk to me." Nate called after her. However Jenny didn't slow her pace. As he looked back towards the group Nate was deciding whether or not to run after her or try to take care of Chuck who clearly needed more help than any of them thought. Serena and Dan were both glaring at Nate while Chuck simply looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I don't have to explain myself to you guys." He yelled in frustration.

Dan who was trying to hold back the anger and judgment that he was feeling didn't quite succeed as he spoke with a voice that showed his emotions were barely under control. "No but you do have to explain yourself to my sister." His fists were clenching and unclenching as he tried not to fulfill the promise that he had made to Nate when he and Jenny started dating that if Nate hurt her he would kick his ass. Serena stood by him rubbing his back trying to keep him calm. Their group was falling apart without Blair. She had been the glue that kept them all together and without her their relationships were crumbling.

"I know." Nate said looking down. When he looked back up he noticed that in the mess over what he said, Chuck had disappeared. Turning to Dan and Serena, Nate said in a voice that was beyond confused. "Uh, guys, where's Chuck?"

Serena and Dan's eyebrows shot up as they realized that while they were talking Chuck had disappeared.

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Chuck smirked as he walked down the hallway of Constance. Sometimes his friends were so dense. As soon as there had been a minor distraction they hadn't even noticed him slip away. He didn't understand why they couldn't all stop making such a big fucking deal out of everything. There was no point falling apart, it wouldn't change anything.

But as Chuck stepped into the Library, Nate's words resonated inside his head. _She was the love of your fucking life. You don't just get over that. _Chuck felt his insides start to knot as his defenses were beginning to shatter. _NO_ Chuck shouted inside his head. This was not happening he was not going to let this destroy him. He was barely maintaining his hold on his emotions as he found what he was looking for near the back of the library.

Jenny was sitting in the exact spot he and Blair had discovered her and Nate earlier in the year, but this time she was sobbing. He walked over and held out one of his monogrammed handkerchiefs. "What to you say we blow this joint?"

Jenny looked up, surprised at first to see Chuck but after a moment of thought she realized she wasn't that surprised; they were friends. So she nodded and accepted the handkerchief; also allowing him to help her to her feet. "Where to Bass?"

"I don't know. Where would Blair take you?" Chuck asked looking straight into her eyes.

At that Jenny actually laughed. "Retail therapy."

"Barney's it is." Chuck said as he took her arm and walked with her out back to his limo.

**Queen B's only been gone two days yet it seems like everyone here's falling apart. N and J seem to already be on the rocks apparently N referred to B as the love of his life and even indicated that he wasn't over her. S and D look like total wrecks as well. Seems like the only one who isn't falling apart is C. Strange things are happening quickly on the UES and I'll be here to make sure you don't lose track.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

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As Blair walked into the Queen's sitting room she couldn't stop her stomach from clenching. But she stayed strong for Marcus, being sure to follow all of the proper protocol. She curtsied and said all the proper greetings; waiting patiently for the Queen to tell them to be seated.

The Queen looked Blair up and down as though to appraise her appearance. "So this is the young American tart my grandson married. They were right you are quite pretty if not gorgeous."

Blair's senses immediately went into overdrive. Her body automatically responded to what it recognized as a threatening situation. She could feel the hairs on her neck and back stand up strait and a cold chill ran down her spine. Blair could feel the blood pounding in her veins as her blood pressure began to rise. Normally, this was the kind of thing that she lived for but this was different; this was the Queen of England. She looked at Marcus who looked absolutely petrified and completely caught off guard. So Blair simply smiled and said. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." She thought perhaps the Queen simply needed to warm up to her.

"Well quite standing there like idiots, sit down." They immediately followed her directions. "So, Blair is it?" Blair nodded. "I must confess I had great hopes for my grandson Marcus. Hopes that did not involve him marrying some trollop from New York City." The Queen said with obvious distaste.

Blair fought to maintain her sense of propriety. Snapping at the Queen was not the best way to win her over. She looked over at Marcus as he began to speak.

"Grandmother, why on earth are you saying such things? You don't even know Blair." Even though Marcus was making an attempt to stand up for Blair, it was clear that he was still terrified.

The Queen shook her head and glared at Blair. "Charles was the same. He was besotted with Diana from the beginning. I've lived through what having a social climbing commoner as a Princess does to the family once before and it nearly tore us apart. This is even worse because this time the little harlot is an American to boot. "

Marcus was infuriated by this point and Blair was doing her best to keep him calm; which was a difficult task when her natural instincts were screaming at her to do what she does best and tear the old bat down. Marcus's nostrils flared as he did something he had never done before and outright talked back to his grandmother. "For once you really don't know what you're talking about. Blair is extraordinary."

"Oh look she's dim witted too." Snapped the Queen. "Must you always speak for her Marcus." She said glancing at Blair once more.

_Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly_ Blair repeated the mantra in her head as she tried her best not to lash out at the Queen. "I'm sorry. I simply didn't think that you would appreciate what I had to say."

Blair swore she saw the Queen smirk as she began to speak again. "Well I don't see why I wouldn't, I haven't said anything that isn't the truth. You can't deny that you are no more than a mediocre American girl, who's trying entirely too hard to work her way up in the world from her lowly origins; plus I smell new money all over you. You just don't have what is necessary to be part of this family."

Suddenly everything Blair had been holding back came pouring forth all at once. "Excuse me." She said in a tone that meant anything but.

Marcus placed a hand on her arm and spoke. "Bla . . ." but he didn't even get her whole name out before she reached up a hand to stop him. When Marcus immediately backed down, the Queen raised her eyebrows. Marcus never let anyone tell him what to do; other than her of course.

Blair turned her attention back to the Queen. "You have insulted me in every way possible yet you clearly don't know me at all nor have you made any good attempts and researching me. I had assumed you would have had a team of investigators working on that. You question my breeding yet my linage dates back as far as your own and quite honestly the money held by my family and the others of my social circle likely greatly outweighs that of your court." By now the Queen's eyebrows had almost disappeared into her hairline in surprise at the Waldorf girl's outburst. "On top of that you have insulted, my looks, called me nothing short of a whore, and insulted my intelligence. The way you have treated me in this short period of time is comparable to the actions of a high school girl. So next time you think to belittle me for mediocrity, perhaps you should first look at yourself." Blair took a breath as she finished. She couldn't believe that she had just said that to the Queen of England.

The Queen was speechless from the shock that someone had had the nerve to actually stand up to her.

Blair stood and Marcus stood with her "Now if that's all, I think I'll be leaving" Then she began to back out of the room, as was customary. Right as Blair reached the door she saw the Queen stand and heard her speak.

"Blair, tea tomorrow afternoon at two. Don't be late."

Blair nodded however she could barely withhold the triumphant smile from appearing on her face. She curtsied one final time, before backing out the door, where she let the smile appear as she turned to Marcus. "We did it." She said, sounding every bit the giddy high school girl that she should be.

Marcus smiled. "You did it. I did nothing." Blair continued smiling at him and he extended his arm. "Come on, I think it's high time for a tour of Buckingham Palace."

Blair raised her eyebrows. "Do we . . . Live here?"

Marcus laughed. "Not right now but quite possibly in the future. After the tour, we can head over to our home. It's not quite Buckingham but it's definitely suitable." Marcus said with a smirk.

At that, Blair took his arm and allowed him to take her on the tour.

**News update from England! This picture was sent to me by a palace insider. Looks like B is actually pretty happy in dreary old England, with boring old Marcus. On a more interesting note, from what I hear the Queen underestimated the value of our B and B had to set her strait. Sorry Queen E, ruling England is nothing compared to being the monarch or the aristocracy on the UES. Cheers B looks like you've already mastered English Court.  
**

**This coupled with all the craziness here following B's departure leaves me wondering, has B's exit ended our games, or has a new level of play simply emerged?  
**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

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**A/N: I hope you all like this new update :) Reviews are always appreciated. **


	34. Moving On?

**IMPORTANT: So I'm still super busy, my classes are drowning me in homework this semester :( but I still intend on writing. I'm trying to update at least one fanfic a week *hugs***

**Remember if it's bold and italics it is just Gossip Girl narrating not a Gossip Girl blast!!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

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_**Well well well, seem as though B and C are done for good because they are certainly moving on; or at least one of them is. I personally thought that it would take a little longer with those two but you never know on the UES.**_

_EARLIER THAT DAY_

Blair laughed as they got out of the town car. When Marcus had said that they weren't living in Buckingham Palace Blair had almost been disappointed. Knowing the size of most homes in England she was a little worried about the size of the house. Plus she knew that she would be sharing it with Marcus's brother, his wife and children, Marcus's father, and finally Marcus's step mom with her other children. But as soon as she saw the house all fears were eliminated.

"What are you laughing about?" Marcus asked smiling. Today had gone better than he had ever hoped possible. Blair had been fun and dare he say it happy. He had taken her on a tour of Buckingham and they had goofed off. As they were leaving they even acted like tourists and tried to make the guards laugh. Something which had made his publicist and other advisors frown but the paparazzi seemed to love it. Now they had finally reached their home and Marcus was very much hoping that Blair would love it. "I know its kind of far out but you and I will also have a city house. It's not so large but it will be all our own and we can stay there as often as you like."

Marcus was babbling and after letting him do so for a minute as she tried to get her laughter under control, Blair raised hand and spoke with a smirk. "Not as large as Buckingham Palace, huh?"

Marcus grinned sheepishly. "Well in acreage it is smaller it's just kind of tall. You know Buckingham is only three floors, well our house has six, not counting the basement levels."

Blair just shook her head. "I have a feeling this tour is going to be a little longer."

"Quite." Marcus said as he extended his arm. "Plus, it will be a little more extensive. This is your home now." Marcus said the last statement cautiously, not wanting to upset Blair.

She did frown slightly and he saw her eyes crinkle but she nodded and took his arm allowing him to lead her inside.

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Jenny laughed as she spun around in a sparkly blue dress. She titled her head back and kept spinning until she stumbled right into Chuck, who was smiling as well, and together they knocked a vase off a table.

The sales lady had been glaring from nearby at the two teenagers goofing of and trying on clothes and saw this as the perfect opportunity to get rid of the two hooligans. So she marched over ready to have them removed from the store.

Chuck raised one hand. "Don't worry I'll pay for it."

The older woman arched her eyebrows severely. "Young man, are you aware of how much that vase costs?"

Chuck narrowed his eyes and laid on his trade mark smirk. "I am aware of the fact that I am Chuck Bass and therefore it doesn't matter."

The woman immediately nodded and quickly cleaned up the mess. "Yes sir, Mr. Bass." She immediately became the most gracious sales attendant ever as she internally scolded herself for not recognizing the young man. He was after all one of the richest teenagers in New York City. "If there is anything else that I can get for you just let me know."

Chuck shot Jenny an evil grin that said go with the plan before turning back to the sales lady. "Well actually, Ms. Humphrey here is looking to try on some more clothing. If you could assist her I would be greatly obliged."

The two had the sales lady running around the store for the next few hours bringing Jenny dress after dress. That on top of shoes, bags, and accessories had Jenny performing in her own personal fashion show through the dressing room. Chuck looked down at his watched and was surprised to see that it was five pm, _how did it get so late?_ he wondered.

The sales attendant spoke just before Chuck was about to. "Mr. Bass, I'm sorry but I'm afraid it's time for us to close. Is there anything that you would like to purchase?"

Chuck looked at Jenny. "Pick what you want." He said matter-of-factly.

Jenny laughed. "Yeah right I can't afford any of this."

The sales attendant looked alarmed. The thought that she had gone through all of this and they weren't even going to buy anything made her want to quit.

Chuck smirked. "Jenny, I assure you the cost is covered. Besides, if we don't buy something I'm quite afraid that we are going to give this Ms. . . " Chuck squinted at her name tag "Smithfield here a heart attack."

"No way am I letting you spend this kind of money on me." Jenny said indignantly.

"Fine" Chuck said. He then turned to Ms. Smithfield. "We'll take the red Gouchi, the long black Channel, the short pink Dior, the Lily sundress, the shoes and bags to match all of these, oh and the sparkly blue

Monique Lhuillier." He turned to Jenny. "Anything else?"

"Chuck . . . " Jenny started.

He turned back to the sales lady. "That will be it." After a pause he added. "She'll where the Monique Lhuillier out so if you could bring it back once you've rung it up that would be perfect."

Ms. Smithfield looked like Christmas had come early. It was rare that a customer bought so much. She smiled and got to work collecting the items for purchase.

When Chuck turned back around Jenny looked furious. "I said no."

Chuck shrugged. "You've had a bad day and for me this is like dropping pennies."

"But Chuck there's no point in me having all these glamorous clothes; it's not like I have somewhere to wear them." Jenny said as the sales lady brought back the blue dress for her to wear.

At that Chuck smiled. "Well you have somewhere to wear the blue one, because we are going to go eat, then head to Victrola and do a little forgetting."

Jenny couldn't help but smile, Chuck seemed to be an expert on how to forget things. That was something that she would have to ask him about later. But for now she nodded and went and put back on the blue dress.

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Blair laughed and Marcus tried to hush her as she slipped into a secret passage way behind a panting in the hallway. "This is so very much like every movie I've ever seen." Blair whispered as she creeped behind Marcus down a small corridor. "Where does this lead anyway and why do I have to be quiet?"

Marcus turned and smiled. "You'll see."

Just then they approached something. A door in the wall. "This is why you have to be quiet." He whispered. "This isn't our final destination but I might as well show you where this one leads."

He opened the door silently and motioned her forward. In front of them lied the back of a painting with what looked like some kind of device near the top and a stepping stool at the base. Marcus walked up , stepped on the stool, and slid up the device uncovering two holes in the painting. "Eye holes?" Blair asked questioningly.

Marcus nodded and said quietly. "Take a look but don't press to hard on the painting. If you do it swings out."

Blair smiled questioningly, she could tell that he knew this from experience and had every intention of getting the story from him later; however, right now she simply stepped up to the painting and placed her eyes where the holes were. Blair nearly gasped as she realized that she was looking into what must be his father's study. She immediately slid down the eye covering and backed away. Looking above the painting she saw an air vent. "You can hear everything from the vent can't you?"

Marcus smirked. "Yep." He motioned her to follow and she did but she continued her questions.

"How many of these are there?" She asked.

Marcus didn't turn his head around but he answered. "Well there's one in the kitchen, dinning room, formal sitting area, our bedroom, the sun room, the ladies parlor, my parents room, my brother's room, the child's playroom . . . "

"Every room in the house, huh?" She said interrupting.

Marcus smiled. "Pretty much."

"And who all knows about this passageway?" Blair didn't say so but she was a little concerned by the fact that someone could potentially see into her bedroom.

Marcus saw the worried look on Blair's face even though she tried to hide it so he stopped. The smile had fallen from his features and he reached out and brushed a lock of hair away from her face. She didn't stop him and he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. She was unresponsive but she didn't push him away. "I'm the only one alive that knows. I promise." He added reassuringly.

"How can you be sure?" Blair asked quietly.

He gave her a small smile. "I know because my grandfather showed me when I was a little boy. I was always his favorite and one day when he was up in his years, I was but eight years old, my parents wouldn't let me listen while they talked to my older brother. Grandfather thought that I deserved to know what they were talking about and he showed me the passageway. My older sister Camille, you've probably never heard of her." Marcus said quietly, "had died in a car accident while she was out with friends. She was my best friend really; when it stormed I always ran to her room and hid with her under the covers. Her room was so close to mine that I would go running up the stairs the moment lightening struck. They didn't think that I was old enough to handle it. I ran from the tunnels and vowed to never go in them again; like it was their fault that my sister had died. I remember that when I would ask about her they would say something idiotic like she's gone away to school. I remember one day when I was a little over nine and I asked when she was coming home" Marcus paused and Blair realized that he was close to tears. "I of course knew that she never was but they told me that it was boarding school and that she would be away a little while longer. I don't know what they were thinking trying to hide it from me but I screamed at them that I knew that Cammie was dead. I yelled that they were a bunch of liars and that I wished it had been them that died instead of her." Blair reached up and pulled him into a hug. He needed comforting and it felt right to offer. After a few moments he drew back and kissed her forehead. "When Grandfather died shortly after that he simply told me to use them well. Those were his exact words, 'Use them well.' Everyone else thought he was batty and had no idea what he was talking about but I knew and eventually I went back into the passageways and they have become my secret hideout over the years. Come on." He said quietly, a smile now returning to his face. "There's more."

They reached what appeared to be the end of the passage but Blair saw the faint outline of a door. Marcus opened it and stepped inside and Blair followed. She looked around completely confused. As the door shut behind her, Marcus let some sort of tapestry fall over it but Blair wasn't sure why. In front of her she saw a window, she could tell by looking out that they were on either the fourth or fifth floor. Behind her was the tapestry, to her left there was a compact yet elegant spiral staircase with a banister that must have been ideal for sliding down but to the right there was nothing but wall. She turned to Marcus. "Is the passageway the only way in here?"

Marcus looked wistful. "It is now. That wall didn't use to exist." He said gesturing to the right. Blair still looked inquisitive so he continued. "Remember what the front of the house looks like?" He asked. Blair nodded. "With the turrets on both sides." Blair nodded again and he could tell she was thinking it over. "Now think about the tour that I've taken you on, I showed you the east tower with the sunroom on the third floor, the sewing room on the fourth, and the guest apartment on the fifth and sixth, but I never showed you the west one."

Blair's eyes lit up. "We are inside of the west tower aren't we? Which means our bedroom is on the other side of this wall doesn't it?" Marcus nodded and she continued. "You have had the same bedroom your whole life and these are the stairs . . . to your sister's room." She said the answer suddenly clear in her mind.

Marcus nodded and motioned for her to follow and she started the climb up the stairs while he started talking. "My parents boarded it up after they found out I knew. They said the reminders were too painful. She was their first daughter and they loved her more than my brother and I combined." They reached the top of the stairs where there was a few feet of hallway and a door. Marcus strode forward and opened it revealing to Blair the thing he had always kept most sacred; Cammie's room.

As she walked in Blair couldn't help but gasp. The girl had had class, that was for sure and money was clearly no issue. The floor was a soft white carpet, there was a gigantic fireplace surrounded by cozy looking red chairs. A window stretched the entire length of one wall and had an extremely long window seat. In one corner was a baby grand piano and above the fireplace there was a tv that was clearly new.

"I added the tv recently." Said Marcus, before adding, "Follow me." Blair didn't know where she was following until she saw a door in the corner that she had assumed was a closet. It instead led to more stairs and soon enough they were in what must have been Camille's bedroom.

Blair looked around the room. The bed was amazing and looked so very comfortable with its huge white comforter and red pillows. There was another huge window with large curtains and bookshelves took up the space of the window seat from down stairs. There was a desk to one side of the room and above it was a collage of pictures. As Blair started to walk over, Marcus walked beside her and took her hand in his. She didn't pull away.

"She was about your age when she died." He said reaching out and touching one of the pictures.

Blair smiled a sad smile. "She was beautiful Marcus." It was the truth, Camille really was gorgeous. She had long dark hair that must have reached her waist and eyes so green that they almost looked fake.

Marcus smiled too. "I know. These pictures don't do her justice though. It's been twelve years now and they are starting to get old." He removed his hand from the wall and turned to face Blair. "You look a little like her, other than the eyes of course."

Blair glanced back at the picture and noticed that he was actually right. The two girls shared some of the same features. She looked back with a question in her eyes and Marcus answered before she had to ask. "Just a coincidence, I assure you."

Blair looked back at the photos one more time and noticed a picture of Cammie with a young boy. She turned to Marcus again smiling and pointing. "Is that you?"

He nodded. "Yes I must say it is not one of my better photos but she loved it. The accident wasn't long after that."

Blair hugged him once more. "Thank you for sharing this with me." She surprisingly meant what she said and they stayed there together holding each other for longer than she could of cared to count.

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Jenny laughed as she downed another drink. Chuck had been right Victrola was the perfect place to go to forget everything. She and Chuck had been downing drink after drink and now everything seemed hilarious to the both of them. "That sales lady's face was priceless when she thought we weren't going to buy anything!" Jenny said doubling over with laughter.

Chuck reached out a hand to steady her but it didn't do much good since he could barely keep balance himself. He laughed hysterically and loudly exclaimed. "I know. It's a good thing I had no intention of allowing that to happen or we might have been permanently banned."

Just then the song changed and Jenny shouted. "I LOVE THIS SONG!" It was Poker Face by Lady Gaga. She started dancing where they were standing and one of the waiters suggested she go up on stage. Jenny thought about it only for a moment before rushing up there.

Chuck watched at first as innocent Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn danced upon the stage. Then her movements became more sexual and she reached her hand towards her zipper on the dress. Chuck instantly flashed back to that night at Victrola a little over a year ago where Blair Waldorf had undressed herself in front of him. He felt the cracking glass in his hand before he realized that he had squeezed the scotch glass that hard. Chuck let the glass fall from his hand to the floor but he couldn't look away as Jenny continued her dance. Blair Waldorf had invaded his mind again and he wouldn't allow it not when it was so pointless.

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Blair laughed as Marcus opened the door to their bedroom.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. My mom insisted on redecorating for you. She said that my bedroom was certainly not befitting of a pair of Newlyweds. You can redecorate however you want, I promise." Marcus said as Blair almost doubled over, she was laughing so hard.

Blair straightened up and smiled. "As nice as your mom is I am going to have to take you up on that." Blair said looking around. The room looked like Martha Stuart and the whole Trading Spaces team had thrown up all over it. Everything was lavishly overdone with a gigantic canopy bed, huge white armoires, a mirror above the bed, overly indulgent chairs and other items; not to mention there were Victorian, Asian, and Moroccan influences all in one room.

Suddenly Marcus was serious, "Thank you for today Blair. You stood up to my grandmother, listened to me whine about my sister, and you are even pretending that you don't hate me. So thank you."

Blair studied Marcus intently for a moment before saying quietly. "I don't hate you."

He stepped closer, "Since when?"

Blair shrugged. "Since today actually. You treat me better than just about anyone ever has" There was a pause and Marcus knew that the person who had treated her better was Chuck, then she continued, "Honestly I had a lot of fun today and I know that you care a lot about me . . ."

She didn't get to finish because Marcus who was now standing dangerously close interrupted. "I love you Blair. There's a difference."

Blair repeated. "I don't hate you."

He leaned in and kissed her and she kissed him back. It wasn't the sparks she had every time she kissed Chuck but it certainly didn't make her nauseous. The kiss was getting passionate when suddenly Marcus pulled back.

Out of breath he spoke in huffs. "Kissing you Blair makes something in my stomach flutter."

Blair straightened and she felt chills run up and down her spine. She felt paralyzed.

Marcus grinned not really noticing the change in Blair. "You know like butterflies. I just wanted you to know." At that he leaned back in.

All at once Blair woke up and pushed him away.

"Blair?" Marcus asked stumbling backwards. "Wh . . . what is it? Did I do something?"

She was crying heavily within seconds as the memory of her seventeenth birthday rushed back at her full force.

_"You sound like a jealous boyfriend" Blair said sarcastically._

_Chuck smirked. "Yeah right. You wish."_

_Realization dawning on her, Blair shook her head disbelievingly. "No, you wish."_

_Chuck scoffed. "You forget who you're talking to."_

_Blair cut him off. "So do you . . . Do you... 'like' me?"_

_"Define like." Chuck added admitting defeat._

_"You have got to be kidding me." Blair said turning away._

_Chuck frustratedly answered. "How do you think I feel? I can't sleep! I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach... fluttering."_

_"Butterflies? Oh no, no, no, no no." __Blair responded._

As Blair came out of her flashback, Marcus was looking at her worriedly. "I'm just not ready."

Marcus nodded disappointed but understanding, then Blair added. "And please never mention butterflies again." She couldn't do this. It was betraying Chuck and the butterflies were theirs and theirs alone.

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Jenny laughed as Chuck carried her into his suite and laid her on the couch. She was way too drunk to send home so he had texted Dan and brought her here. As he laid her down he was sure she was about to pass out. He was ready to head to bed if only to sleep and dream of the thing that was tearing him apart while he was awake. He just couldn't get Blair off his mind but she didn't seem to have any trouble from what he could tell of the GG posts; not to mention he hadn't heard a word from her since she he left her at the landing pad a couple of days ago. As he started walking toward the bedroom he heard Jenny call.

"Chuck, Chuck, come here I have to tell you something." She said softly.

He turned and walked back over. "What is it Jen?"

She smiled. "Sit with me."

Chuck sat down. He was still feeling the effects of too much alcohol and he almost stumbled. Jenny reached over and placed a hand on his arm in an effort to steady him but then she didn't move it.

"Thanks for tonight. I had fun on a night that in all actuality should have been one of the worst of my life." She said laying her head on his shoulder.

Chuck was almost lost in a memory of the last ex-girlfriend of Nate's that he comforted by a trip to Victrola as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You were amazing up there."

She tilted her head up and kissed Chuck. Chuck kissed her back allowing his tongue to mingle with hers. Then all of the sudden he pulled back. "I can't Jen I'm sorry. I'm not ready."

Jenny bit her lip, looking on the verge of tears. "Please Chuck. I need to forget and quite honestly so do you. Nate and I are done and Blair's never coming back."

Chuck was about to turn away he wasn't ready for this but her words resonated with him on a level that he didn't want to admit. Blair wasn't coming back, she hadn't even called, he didn't owe her anything; then abruptly he turned around and grabbed her face pulling her into a kiss. Jenny furiously kissed him pulling him down over her. Chuck suddenly stood up and picked her up to carry her to the bedroom. Jenny leaned up and kissed him as he carried her allowing herself to forget once and for all.

_**Well well well, seems as though B and C are done for good because they are certainly moving on; or at least one of them is. I personally thought that it would take a little longer with those two but you never know on the UES.**_

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A/N: Hope you don't all hate me for this one. Reviews are always appreciated.

Xoxo

Kate


	35. A Wedding Gift

A/N: IT's SUMMER!!!! For me at least. Which means . . . More time for me to write! YaY!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

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Blair felt like she was waking up in a dream or more precisely, like she hadn't actually woken up at all. Her surroundings were whimsical almost like the inside of a Genie's lamp. As if on cue Marcus pulled back one of the curtains to the canopy and sat a tray full of breakfast food on the bed.

"Good morning beautiful." Marcus said cheerily.

Blair hadn't spoken; however, she had managed to recognize her surroundings as the honeymoon suite that Marcus's mother had decorated. She gave Marcus a week smile, knowing that a response was expected. "Thanks." She said quietly.

Marcus gave her a small smile as well, knowing that she needed time.

Blair began to look over the tray and noticed something odd; there was a key on a necklace sitting on the tray. "What's this?" She asked lifting the key.

"A wedding present." Marcus said taking a seat on the bed next to her. Blair continued looking at him curiously and he continued. "It's the key to my sister's rooms."

Blair flipped the key in her hand, running her fingers along it. "I don't understand; I thought we were the only people who could get in anyway."

"It's the only key." Marcus said almost so softly that she couldn't here.

"Oh." Blair couldn't believe he was doing this; giving her the key to his sister's rooms. After everything that he had told her last night she knew that this was a big deal. That's why she held out her hand, holding the key out to him. "I can't accept this Marcus."

Marcus smiled and took her hand closing it over the key. "Yes you can. I know that it's a lot for you to take in; all of this." Marcus said gesturing around. "As large as this house is, there isn't a place that you can call just yours and I want you to have that. You can even sleep there if you want. No one would know that you weren't sleeping here." Marcus looked down at their hands before dropping hers.

She wasn't sure what to say; so she said the only thing that she could think of. "Thank you."

Marcus nodded before standing. "I have some things I need to take care of in the House of Lords since I've been gone for quite some time. I probably won't see you again until tonight. Don't forget you have tea with my grandmother today. I'm giving you my usual driver Roland and I'm taking the new guy, so as soon as you are ready to go to Buckingham, simply call Roland."

Blair sat there eyes wide. This was the first time that she had even noticed that Marcus was dressed. He looked anywhere from five to ten years older than she was used to seeing him look, dressed in a nice suit with his hair combed back. She had never really considered this other side of Marcus. "Okay." She said quietly.

He smiled and brushed a lock of hair off her face before bending down to kiss her. Right before their lips should have met, Blair turned her face and his lips met her cheek.

"Okay." Marcus said pulling back. He looked disappointed but he didn't say so. Then he turned and walked out of the room.

After he left Blair began to eat the breakfast feast that was sitting in front of her. She could tell that Marcus had had a hand in what was on the tray because they weren't very British food items, they were actually all her favorites; berries, an omelet with mushrooms, tomatoes

, and spinach, a glass of orange juice, and she laughed as she saw a plate of biscuits and gravy because Marcus was probably the only person who knew that she adored the southern breakfast dish, other than Chuck. At that thought she started devouring the entire tray; eating everything in sight. As soon as there was nothing left on the plate she ran to the bathroom and threw up the contents of her stomach. When she looked in the mirror afterwards all she could think about was Chuck. She was never going to be able to forget; no mater how great Marcus was to her, she would only want Chuck. With that she went back to the room, grabbed the key off the tray and hurried into the passageway and to Marcus's sister's rooms. When she got there she grabbed a pin and a piece of paper from one of the desk drawers and started writing. Then she grabbed an envelope and wrote the address of the Palace on the envelope before she could change her mind. She hurried to get ready before calling Roland. "Yes, I need to make a stop to mail a letter first. Okay, I'll be out front in five minutes. Thank you."

When she reached the car Roland held out his hand. "Give me the letter Princess. I will have it mailed."

"I need it to get there as soon as possible." Blair said handing him the letter but not being able to help the slight blush at being referred to as Princess.

Roland nodded. "Of course." He then opened the door and helped her in the car. "I will take care of it as soon as I drop you off."

"Thank you." Blair said as he shut the door. She knew that she should be nervous about tea but she wasn't, even as they got closer to Buckingham. When Roland opened the door once more Blair didn't even feel anxious. "Have a nice tea and call me when you are ready to be picked up."

Dealing with the Queen was no more difficult than dealing with high school girls from Constance and at that she was a master so really there was no need to worry. So Blair smiled as she answered. "Oh, I will."

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Chuck groaned as he heard his phone buzzing; alerting him that he had a text message. The light pouring in from the windows made him wince and he quickly moved to shut the curtains. His head throbbed and his stomach churned as he stood. He stumbled over to the counter and popped three aspirin before reaching for his cell phone. A message from Gossip Girl, that was just the perfect addition to his morning or more likely afternoon.

**Good afternoon UES! Sounds like B's tea with the queen went off without a hitch. As for here at home, there's still no sign of C or J and from what I can they don't want to be found. Maybe they are off grieving together? **

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

Chuck rolled his eyes as he started for the bathroom. He definitely needed a shower this morning; he was reeking alcohol. As he opened the door he heard something he wasn't expecting and looked down to find Jenny Humphrey heaving into his toilet.

"Shit" Chuck cursed as he ran a wash cloth under cold water. The events of last night came rushing back to him full force. He had slept with Jenny, at her urging, so that they could both forget. Chuck bent down and gently wiped her face. "Jen, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have . . ."

At that Jenny laughed. "We." She looked into Chuck's eyes. "We shouldn't have." That's when Chuck noticed what was in her hand; her cell phone. "Nate can never know."

Chuck nodded. "Of course." He helped her to her feet. "Have you talked to him yet?"

Jenny smiled. "He filled my voicemail and my text inbox. I texted him and told him that we could go to dinner."

Chuck nodded again. "Nathaniel will always love Blair but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He does love you and I'm sorry that I pushed him until he said something about loving Blair yesterday. I was trying to turn the attention off of me and I didn't think about what that would mean for you guys."

"It's okay. You're going through a lot. We expected you to lash out you know. And anyway this is as much my fault as it is yours; maybe more. I mean I threw myself at you last night." Jenny said before Chuck jumped in.

"I didn't exactly turn you away either." Chuck said looking down.

Jenny gave a half smile. "Well actually you took a little convincing if I remember correctly."

"I wouldn't have if it weren't for" Chuck started and together they said. "Nate and Blair."

"I should get ready, I'm suppose to meet Nate in a few hours. Do you think you could call me a cab?" Jenny asked as she filled a glass of water and took two aspirin that Chuck handed her.

Chuck took the glass as she finished and held out her purse. "If that's what you want I will. If you don't want to go home all of Blair's old stuff is here; shampoo, make up, and clothes I mean."

"You didn't get rid of it?" Jenny asked surprised. Chuck had kept all of her stuff; that was big.

He shook his head. "I couldn't bring myself to do it. So you can use whatever you want." Chuck said gesturing.

"That would be great, thanks." Jenny said as Chuck backed out of the bathroom. "And thanks again for agreeing not to tell Nate."

Chuck gave a half hearted smirk. "I think it would be best if we both just acted as though last night never happened because as pleasurable as it might have been and even though I can't be with her, I'm still very much in love with Blair, as much as I wish I wasn't. You know I wish I'd never fallen in love with her."

At that Jenny frowned. "You don't wish that. I know you don't because as much as it hurts you right now; you'd rather be the person you are today, the person loving Blair made you than the person you were before. Do you even remember that guy? The one who tried to force me to . . . " Jenny trailed off and looked away. She looked back up surprised when she heard Chuck speak again because his voice sounded pained.

"I hate the guy I was. But it hurts so much to know what that kind of love felt like and to have lost it. Blair's fucking moved on, it's not a crime that I did the same." Chuck practically growled.

Jenny smirked. "Then why do you feel so guilty? Just think about that."

With one last look at Jenny, Chuck turned and left; feeling angry at her for saying the kinds of things that made him think, but furious at himself because what she said was true. It was exactly a week after that that Blair's letter came.

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A/N: Sorry for the wait. I promise the next chapter will be longer and it will have some CB interaction :) Reviews are always appreciated.


	36. The First Letters

**A/N: So I know that I said it would be longer but there was a good break in the storyline right here, so I had to take advantage of it. I should have another update soon. **

**xoxo kate**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

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Chuck had been keeping to himself all week; it was easier that way for all of them. He had continued to go to school but he had shrugged off the company of his friends, or simply sat around them without speaking. Things seemed to be better between Jenny and Nate, which was good. Nate never needed to know what had happened between them. Chuck half laughed to himself, if he and Jenny hadn't slept together and if she hadn't said what she said afterwards, he would have probably still walked around pretending like nothing was wrong. He took another swig of his scotch. This was a hardier brand than he usually kept; that was good he wanted to feel the burn. Chuck looked down noticing he had finished his glass. As he stood up he was surprised by a knock on the door. "I don't know who you are, but go home." Chuck growled.

"Mr. Bass, we have a letter addressed to you. It's stamped important." The bellman was nervous, he had seen the young Mr. Bass lately and knew that he could very well be the proverbial messenger that ends up getting shot; but he continued knowing that it could be important. "And . . . well Mr. Bass, it's from London." The door opened so fast after those words that he almost fell into the room in surprise. Sure enough there was Chuck Bass with an expectant look on his face.

"The letter?" Chuck said holding out a hand and running his other through his already disheveled hair.

The bellman recovered and pulled out the letter. "Yes, yes, here it is."

Chuck took the letter almost gently; holding it in his hands and staring at it with wonder. The bellman felt odd looking on, as though he was interrupting an intimate moment; however, he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away. So he looked on as Chuck ran his fingers across the top of the letter, flipped it over and traced the seal.

Suddenly Chuck looked up, as though he was just realizing that the bellman was still standing there. "You can go."

The bellman nodded before quietly leaving.

As the bellman left, Chuck shut the door. He looked back down at his letter, it was from Blair, he had known that in his heart the second the bellman had said that it was from London. Now, he knew it because it was Blair's handwriting on the envelope. Carefully as though he was afraid that he would destroy the letter if he simply tore it open, Chuck opened the envelope and pulled out Blair's letter.

_Tuesday, November 18, 2008_

_Chuck, _

_I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be writing this and more than that, I shouldn't have sent it. It isn't fair to you for me to keep doing this, keep coming back. I should just let you move on, I promise you that I know that and if I don't hear back from you I promise that I won't write again. I can love you enough to do that. _

_However, I am writing to tell you that I do love you and I couldn't stop even if I tried. I've been checking Gossip Girl's website, so I know what she has been saying about us even though my cell doesn't work over here. I needed you to know that as good to me as Marcus has been since we arrived I couldn't do it; I couldn't forget you. You are the love of my life Chuck, I know that now even if I didn't know that before. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize that it was always you and now that I know that I'm not going to give it up._

_Give everyone my love. _

_Love always,  
Blair W_

Chuck didn't realize that he was crying until he tasted the salt.

* * *

Blair was officially worried. It had been two weeks since she sent her letter to Chuck. Two weeks and she was starting to think that he wasn't going to respond. Her first instinct was to send him an email; after all, mail services these day's were unreliable, who was to say that the letter didn't get lost in translation? That thought lasted only a millisecond. Blair knew that she couldn't try to contact Chuck again; she had promised in her last letter that she wouldn't. She had spent last night in Camille's room because she couldn't yet face the reality that Chuck was moving on, that he wasn't going to fight for her anymore. And with that she couldn't face Marcus.

It was almost noon when Blair made her way down stairs to the dinning room. Marcus's mother, Margaret, and sister-in-law, Kate, were both present along with Kate's children. As Blair looked at them she realized for the first time that they were actually her nieces and nephews, Marcus's sister-in-law, was actually her sister-in-law, and Marcus's mother was her mother-in-law. The children saw her first and ran over. Blair had stayed away from the family for the most part so the kids were all excited every time she was around. Mitchell the oldest was about 8, Justine 6, Garrison 4, and little Emma was 2.

"Auntie Blair, Auntie Blair, come sit by me!" Justine said taking one of her hands.

Blair smiled and nodded at the little girl. It wasn't her fault that Blair was unhappy. As she allowed herself to be led to a space at the table next to Justine her Mother-in-law spoke. "Ah, Blair, how nice that you've joined us." She was smiling but there was something about her that screamed that she didn't quite trust Blair. "It's so good that you are here, the wedding planner is on her way over and I would very much like for you to speak with her about your specifications."

For a moment Blair was taken aback, _wedding planner, _why on earth was a wedding planner coming over? Then she remembered, the second wedding for the Queen. It seemed that shutting herself off from everyone had done quite a bit more damage than she realized because she had no clue what was going on. So she simply nodded her head. "Of course."

"Now remember dear that this wedding is to be quite a bit larger than the last one; larger than Kate's as well and there will likely be quite a bit of press since you are the new princess." Margaret said matter-of-factly.

Justine looked up at Blair with huge doe eyes. "Can I be your flower girl this time?"

Blair smiled and tucked a bouncing blonde curl behind the girl's ear, she noticed that the girl had taken to wearing headbands ever since she had arrived. "Of course sweetie." Blair was rewarded by the huge smile that took over the little girl's face as she hugged her tightly.

Margaret's voice broke the bonding moment. "Oh and Blair, I letter arrived for you with the mail this morning."

Blair's eyes widened as she sat up. "A letter."

"Yes girl, a letter." Margaret said, a definite scowl in her voice.

"May I have it." Blair asked, almost afraid to receive it; afraid that it wasn't what she was hoping it was.

Margaret was curious to say the least. The immediate reaction that Blair showed, upon hearing that she had a letter was peculiar. Most people didn't react this way over a silly little letter. "Well of course you can." At that she motioned for a butler to bring it over, which he did on a silver tray.

Blair took the letter and placed it next to her plate. All she wanted to do was get up and run to Camille's room to read the letter; but she knew that she must keep up pretenses and eat lunch. As soon as they were finished eating and everyone excused themselves, Kate pulled Blair aside. "Don't worry about Margaret, she can be a bit much at first."

"What?" Blair asked confused.

Kate gave her a reassuring smile. "I saw how anxious you were all through lunch Blair and I just wanted you to know that I've been there too. You should have seen the horror that the woman put me through before she would let me marry her son. I hope that we become friends Blair, really I do." Kate added sweetly, "I've always wanted a sister."

Blair gave a small laugh. Kate had thought she was anxious about her mother-in-law as opposed to being anxious about the letter. It made since now. But Blair couldn't deny that her heart warmed at Kate's words of kindness. She felt that she should respond in some way. "I hope so too Kate. I hope so too."

As soon as she was away from Kate, Blair practically ran for the nearest entrance to the secret passage. She had discovered that that was always the quickest way to Camille's room. Once there she sat down on Camille's bed and carefully opened the envelope, being sure that she didn't tear the letter. Her hands were shaking and her heart was beating furiously as she unfolded the letter, Chuck's letter.

_Wednesday, November 26, 2008_

_Blair,_

_It killed me to think that you had left without a word. I turned off my cell dreading the text that you would send but when I turned it back on, your's was the only name I looked for. I read Gossip Girl's posts now only to learn what tiny bit of information that she knows about you, hoping that that will be enough to get me through another day without you. I tried moving on when I saw that you were actually happy with Marcus but it tore me apart. Everything simply reminded me of you and afterwards I felt more guilty than you could possibly imagine. I felt as though I was cheating on you. The thought astounded me, how could it be cheating when you are married to someone else? In the end that wasn't what mattered because I realized that whether you are married or not, my heart will always belong to you and me being with anyone else is cheating. _

_I thought about not writing you back. I thought perhaps that if I didn't, you would eventually remember what an awful guy I am and move on with your Prince, have the fairytale you always dreamed of because regardless of how you got there I know that Marcus loves you and would give you the world; but I am selfish. I couldn't not write to you when I knew that doing so would mean that you would write back, that I would get to hear from you once more. I want to know everything that you are going through right now Blair, I want to be there for you now like I wasn't always before. I know that this doesn't sound like me, that I'm not normally this romantic or sappy but I love you; always have, always will._

_Yours,  
C Bass_

As she read his signature, Blair allowed herself to breathe. Chuck had written back. He had written back and it wasn't to tell her not to write again because he couldn't take it or to tell her that he had moved on for real. It was to tell her that he couldn't move on either, that she was his one and only love, and that he wanted to continue hearing from her. Blair couldn't stop the smile from appearing on her face because a city apart or an ocean in between she knew now, with all her being that Chuck Bass was never going to stop loving her, which was good since she seemed to be unable to forget the fact that she was very much in love with him.

**Upper East Siders I think I might die of boredom from the Eurogossip. The most exciting thing that I have to report from across the pond is that B got a letter that she seemed extremely anxious about opening. The rest of her day was hugs and bonding with the new fam and discussions with the wedding planner. Yawn. And here on the UES, it's as quiet as a mouse. But you know what they say, it's always calmest before the storm. Here's hoping the storm comes sooner rather than latter. **

**xoxo **

**gossip girl**

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are always appreciated. **


	37. I Hate Missing You

**A/N: Sorry guys, I know it's been awhile, I sprained my wrist falling down the stairs, stupid me. So typing has been a little slow but it's getting faster and I'm starting to feel better. So without further delay . . . **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

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Blair smiled as she got in the town car. Roland had started collecting her mail for her every morning. Most of the time it was stuff colleges were still sending her, or something from her dad; but sometimes it was the kind of letter that made getting through the day a little bit easier. Today there was one such letter sitting on the center consol. "Thank you." She said with a smile on her face as she got in the car.

"Of course Princess." Roland said shutting the door. As he got in the front seat he turned to face her. "If you don't mind me asking, who are these letters that bring you such joy from?"

Blair smiled again. "A friend from New York. Someone that I miss very much."

Roland nodded. "I'm sure that must have been very difficult for you; leaving all of your family and friends behind."

Blair nodded. "It was." Roland was a nice guy and he treated her really well; but he had no idea what it was like for her leaving New York and he never could.

"So according to the itinerary for this morning. You are meeting the wedding planner and the Queen at Buckingham to work out some logistics. Then you and Marcus are scheduled to meet for lunch before heading to a Gallery opening this afternoon and dinner back at the house." Roland said courteously.

"That sounds about right." Blair said sitting back in her seat. Today wasn't nearly as busy as most had been over the past couple of months. They said the second wedding would be soon but she didn't really know. She had been in London for a month now and still felt completely out of the loop about everything. She had received two letters from Chuck now, this made three. The worst part of all of this was that mail was so slow getting back and forth across the Atlantic Ocean, it was almost a week from when she sent a letter, to when he received it. It was one week until Christmas, her favorite time of year and she was considering asking Marcus to let her spend it in France with her father. But first she opened up the letter.

_Blair,_

_Your last letter made me laugh. The next time the Marcus's mom tries to put you in an ugly wedding dress just tell her where she can put it. If you can stand up to the Queen of England, I'm sure you can take Marcus's mother. The flash drive has on it the iTunes library for your iTouch on it and I added a new song, I think that song conveys my feelings better than anything else could._

_Things here are going pretty well. They tell me that I need to move on but I still haven't told anyone but Jenny about your letters. I think using Jenny as the mail carrier was a good idea though, that way if Marcus sees you can always tell him that they are to and from Jenny. By the way, she says to tell you hello. Jenny and Nate had some difficulties right after you left because she thought he was still in love with you, but they've worked things out. Humphrey and Serena are still doing fine. Although they seem to argue a little more than I remembered them doing before. We've started something new. Every week Nate, Jenny, Dan, Serena, Eric, and myself, get together and go on an adventure of some sorts. Last week we ice skating in Central Park, then yesterday we went to the top of the Empire State Building; none of us had been since we were in first grade. School is going well, Bart's happy because my grades have gone up. _

_I miss you too. I wish I didn't have to miss you. I hate missing you. I sleep a lot now; or so Jenny and Nate tell me. I do it because when I sleep I dream of you and it's almost enough. I love you. _

_Always have, always will,_

_C. Bass_

Blair couldn't stop the single tear that slipped out or prevent Roland from seeing it.

"Princess, is everything alright?" He was concerned. Blair was rarely happy, except for when she received the letters from New York. He wasn't sure of the circumstances but he had known Marcus a long time and with that he had known the kind of things that he was capable of when given proper motivation.

Blair folded the letter, placed it in her purse and put a false smile on her face. "Of course, everything's fine."

As soon as she got back to the house that evening, she practically ran for Cammie's room to listen to Chuck's song. She saw it at the end of her playlist, he had titled it, _I Hate Missing You. _She double clicked and turned up the speakers. Chuck started speaking. "Hey there. I know I told you how much I missed you in the letter but this song says it better. It was hard being back in the studio without you. I know I said this in my letter too Blair, but I thought you might like to hear it from me. I love you." Then he started singing and Blair could tell he was playing the guitar as well.

_**I miss the sound of your voice  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in**_

She had missed his voice, more than she realized; she missed it more than she knew was possible. They had been separated for longer than this before but somehow she had forgotten it's exact sound. Oh God, had she forgotten what he looked like?

**  
**_**If I could walk on water  
If I could tell you what's next  
Make you believe  
Make you forget **_

Immediately, Blair went to her pictures on the iTunes that Chuck had loaded and looked at him. She exhaled. She still knew every curve of his face and with these pictures she would never forget. She listened to Chuck's song over and over for the next few hours, until it was time for dinner with the family.

_**So come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love**_

* * *

"I don't get how you are coping so well." Serena said to Chuck as she walked out of the movie theatre, hand in hand with Dan.

Nate bumped Chuck's shoulder, his other arm around Jenny. "Seriously man. You've dealt with this a lot better than the rest of us. You haven't found a way to talk to Blair in secret have you?" He said jokingly.

"Of course not." Chuck said sticking his hands in his front pockets and avoiding Jenny's gaze.

Eric stopped and turned. "I still can't believe that we are doing this. I know this isn't a big deal for most of you but I'm with Chuck on this one. It's a little too scary for me. Bad things happen down there."

"Come on Eric, it's just the subway." Nate said stepping forward and leading Eric down the stairs, followed quickly by Dan and Serena.

Jenny grabbed Chuck's arm and held him back. "I told you they noticed."

"I'm still not telling them Jenny." Chuck said firmly.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Chuck you are crazy, they won't think that you are weak, they'll understand. What they don't understand is how you are getting by at all. Everyone knows that you and Blair are crazy star-crossed lovers."

"Are you guys coming?" Dan called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah, sorry I dropped an earring; Chuck found it though." Jenny yelled down.

Chuck started to go but Jenny put out her hand. "Wait, this came today." She said pulling a letter from her purse.

Chuck couldn't keep the smile from his lips. "Thank you."

"You could thank me by telling them; I hate keeping things from everyone." Jenny said starting down the stairs.

Chuck followed her. "I'll think about it okay."

"Okay." Jenny said before calling out. "Wait up guys." And both she and Chuck rushed to catch up.

* * *

_**So come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love**_

Blair was listening to Chuck's song again in Camille's room when she saw that it was 9:45. Marcus should be home in fifteen minutes and she wanted to be downstairs in their room when he got home; she needed him in a good mood. She had been waiting on the perfect time to ask if she could spend Christmas with her dad but Marcus had been so preoccupied lately with government stuff that the time never came and now it was only three days until Christmas. So she turned off the computer and went downstairs.

She only had to wait a few minutes before Marcus turned up, ten o'clock on the dot. "You're nothing if not punctual." Blair said smiling.

"Hey, I promised I'd be home by ten tonight didn't I." Marcus said taking off his suit jacket and hanging it up. "I'm sorry I've been so busy lately, I just got really behind on all this mess here when I was in New York." He added, loosening his tie and walking closer to Blair.

Blair smiled again. "It's okay, they've been keeping me on a busy schedule."

Marcus frowned. "It's not okay. I've been neglecting you."

This was it, the perfect opening for Blair to ask for her favor. "Well, I can think of something that you can do to make it up to me." She said batting her lashes.

Marcus sat down next to her on the bed. "Name it and if it is in my power to give it to you, it's yours."

Blair looked at Marcus and spoke. "Let me go spend Christmas with my father in France."

"Blair, I don't think that's a good idea." Marcus said tilting his head understandingly.

Blair's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "But you said anything."

"I know." Marcus said quickly. "I just don't know that I can leave to go to France right now."

For a moment, she had almost given up but then she saw a loophole. "Then let me go alone."

"Blair . . ." Marcus started.

But Blair interrupted. "Please Marcus, I've never spent a Christmas away from my father."

Marcus's nose scrunched up in a way that Blair knew meant he was thinking about it. After a couple of minutes of silence, he spoke. "Okay, but Roland is going with you for protection you know he is a trained bodyguard."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you." Blair squealed wrapping her arms around his neck.

Marcus wrapped his arms around her tightly. God she felt so good. "You're welcome."

"This is the best Christmas present you could have given me." Blair said pulling back a little. She knew what she could do in return so to seal the deal she leaned in and kissed Marcus softly.

He was surprised by the kiss, but he kissed Blair back slowly deepening it.

After a few moments Blair decided it had probably been long enough and pulled back. She smiled before saying, "I need to get ready for bed and can I use your cell to call my dad?"

"Of course." Marcus said handing her his phone. As he watched her get clothes from the closet and walk into the bathroom Marcus couldn't deny the feeling in his heart. The one that told him that he was falling more in love with Blair everyday.

* * *

Chuck sat down on his bed with Blair's letter in hand. It had felt longer this time since her last letter. He opened carefully as always and began to read.

_**I miss the sound of your voice  
The loudest thing in my head  
And I ache to remember  
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said **_

_Chuck,_

_I'll start with the light stuff because it's important too. I love that you guys are doing that kind of stuff. I miss New York almost as much as I miss you. Skating in the Park is one of my favorite parts of winter. I hope you fell on your ass though because you never would go skating with me, so I know you didn't know how. You are going to have to keep me updated on all of you guys' adventures, I miss the normal everyday stuff. It's okay if you want to tell them that you are talking to me. I know that they will understand that I just couldn't let you go. They're all part of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club remember, they won't judge._

_Things here are basically the same as always. They keep me really busy. I'm always going to Gallery openings, ground breaking ceremonies, and royal concerts. Not to mention the wedding plans; which are horrendous by the way. This thing is going to be gigantic; the guest list is like a thousand people long. Marcus hasn't been around much either and I spend most of my time up in his sister's rooms. I usually sleep there and Marcus still hasn't tried to pressure me into anything. _

_The song was beautiful and it was so good to hear your voice again. I know this is hard to believe but I think that I had started to forget what it sounded like. I haven't been letting myself listen to your iPod because I knew it would make me miss you more but you were right; hearing you say that you love me was like heaven. I miss you so much it hurts. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't even breathe. I love you too. _

_Forever,_

_Blair W._

He knew what she meant about missing her so much it hurt. Even reading her letters hurt but this was so much better than nothing because each letter was a little piece of Blair.

_**If I could walk on water  
If I could tell you what's next  
Make you believe  
Make you forget **_

He wanted to go to sleep because like he told Blair, when he was asleep he dreamt of her. That's where he got to hear her voice and see her face. It was as close to the real thing as he could get and he needed it. When he had told Jenny that he slept more so that he could dream of Blair she had thought he was kidding. She had claimed that there was no way that he could ensure that he would dream about her but she was wrong, Blair was all he ever dreamed about.

_**So come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love**_

Just as he was laying down his cell phone rang. Chuck considered not getting up to answer it. He was ready to dream; but at the last second he grabbed for it. "Hello, this is Chuck Bass."

His eyes widened. "Of course. I'll call my driver right now. Yeah, the eleven o'clock is perfect." As soon as he hung up the phone he jumped out of bed. He only had two hours.

* * *

Blair fingered the necklace around her neck as the plane took off. She wasn't good with take-off's or landings and she wasn't very well going to hold Roland's hand for support. At least this time Marcus had let her fly first class. She looked down at the necklace; Marcus had given it to her for Christmas this morning as she boarded the plane. He had been disappointed that he had to give it to her on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas but he knew that she was happy to be going to France. She had to admit the necklace was beautiful, a perfect string of pearls and sapphires fell on her collarbone. It must have cost a fortune; but it reminded her of a very different necklace given to her by a very different guy; a guy, who's song was stuck in her head.

_**So come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love**_

The plane ride went well and Roland was wonderful. He took care of all the luggage and the car service out to the chateau. "Thank you Roland." She said once they were in the car.

"Don't worry about it, Princess, it was simply luggage." Roland said smiling.

Blair gave him a soft smile back. "No, I mean thank you for coming to France with me. I know it was really last minute and I'm sure that you would rather be spending Christmas with your family. And I really wish that you would call me Blair."

_**I miss the pull of your heart  
I taste the sparks on your tongue  
I see angels and devils and god when you come on  
Hold on, Hold on, Hold on**_

Roland nodded. "You're welcome, Blair." He said, saying her name as though he was testing it out. "You should know though that I'm not really deserving of your gratitude. I don't really have any family left, so coming with you, I will likely have more of a Christmas than I would if I had been working at your home or at the Palace."

Blair frowned slightly thinking that he didn't have anyone to share Christmas with. It reminded her so much of Chuck, she was Chuck's family. "Well I'm warning you now, you are going to be expected to partake in all Waldorf Christmas traditions." She was smiling now, they were almost to her father's chateau.

_**hold on, hold on, hold on....  
sing shaa la la la **_

_**sing sha la la la laaa**_

When they were finally there Blair practically ran into the house. She didn't bother knocking because she knew she was always welcome. "Daddy" she screamed running into his arms the second that she saw him.

"Blairbear, I'm so glad you are here. I thought that Roman and I were going to be alone this Christmas., until I got your call last night." Harold said holding her tightly. Before pulling back to look at his married daughter, leaving his hands on her shoulders.

_Come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love_

Blair tilted her head slightly. It was weird, she thought she heard singing. She must have left her iPod on in her purse again.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Harold asked at seeing her confused face.

Blair shook her head slightly. "Nothing, I just thought that I heard something. I should probably go help Roland with my bags."

Harold squeezed her shoulders gently. "No, you sit down relax. I'll go help . . . Roland you said?"

Blair nodded and watched her father leave. She couldn't believe how happy she was to be here.

_**So come on get higher  
Loosen my lips  
Faith and desire  
And the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me  
Drown me in love**_

Okay now she was sure she heard something and it sounded like Chuck's song. There's no way that could be playing here. "Daddy, where's the music coming from?" She called out but her father had already gone outside so she followed the sound.

She walked towards the living room, maybe it was on the TV or something, Chuck didn't write the song after all, it was by Matt Nathanson. She opened the door, for some reason she was tentative.

_**It's all wrong  
It's all wrong  
It's all wrong, its so right**_

As she opened the door the sound got louder, so she knew that she was on the right track. The sight that greeted her almost made her collapse. The TV wasn't on.

Chuck looked up at Blair from where he was sitting on the coffee table with his guitar. He looked right into her stunned, tearful eyes as he finished singing.

_**Come on get higher  
Come on and get higher  
Because everything works love  
Because everything works in your arms**_

Blair walked forward in slow motion, as though she was afraid that if she moved too quickly Chuck would disappear.

Chuck finished his song and sat down his guitar. He was half afraid that Blair was going to faint before she made it to him so he stood up and closed the distance with two large steps. He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

Blair pulled back and there were tears streaming down her cheeks. "You're really here."

"I'm really here." Chuck said before kissing her again. "I love you Blair." He said against her parted lips.

"I love you too. Oh God Chuck I love you too." She said before kissing him once more.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the update. The song is Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson. Reviews are always appreciated. **


	38. Merry Christmas

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait. I got inspired on my other two fanfics and ended up writing a lot for each of them. But no worries, this is the one that I'm really inspired for now :) By the way, I've started a new progress type thing on my profile and I'll be updating that regularly to give you guys an idea of how it's going.  
xoxo Kate.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

**

* * *

**"I can't believe that you're really here." Blair said, pulling away from the kiss and placing her forehead against Chuck's. She felt like she was in a dream. This was so surreal. "How is it, that you're here Chuck?" She had thought the question several times but hadn't wanted to ask it because she hadn't wanted to stop kissing him. She was still afraid that this was only a dream and she would wake up, so she didn't want to lose a minute with him.

Chuck smiled, never removing his eyes from Blair's own dark brown ones. It felt good to look at her beautiful face, to hear her voice which had lately been only in his head, to touch her soft skin, and of course it felt good to kiss her full red lips. This was so much better than any dream of her he had had over the past few months. "When you told your dad it would just be you and a bodyguard, he called me. He had already booked me a plane and I left immediately for the airport. I did leave Jenny a note on my bed, knowing that she would probably be the first to come looking for me. So with the plane ride and the time difference, I got here about two hours ago."

Blair smiled again. This was real, she wasn't sleeping; how could this possibly be real? "How long can you stay?" She asked, dreading the thought that he might not be here long.

"I guess that's really up to your father but as long as he and Roman are okay with it, I'll be here as long as you are." Chuck paused smiling before cocking his head. "Which is how long exactly?" Chuck asked his forehead still resting against hers. Chuck hadn't cared how long it was for, he just wanted to see her. But he had thrown a week or so's worth of clothes into a bag, just in case.

"Right at two weeks." Blair said, bringing her lips back to Chuck's once more and kissing him. She slinked her arms up around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Everything about this felt so familiar, so completely perfect.

Chuck couldn't believe it, two weeks. He was going to be with her for two weeks. That included New Years, one of Blair's favorite days of the year and of course Christmas. He continued kissing her, his hands rubbing her back. They were completely lost in the moment, drowning in each other.

"Well, Princess, this is quite a surprise." Said a voice, in the vicinity of the foyer.

Shit, Blair thought suddenly, pulling away from Chuck and turning to face Roland who was standing in the living room doorway. She had forgotten all about him after seeing Chuck and just like that their cover was blown. Roland would call Marcus and he would order her to come back, or come down and get her himself. "Roland . . . I can explain." Blair said quickly.

Chuck wasn't sure what was going on but he wrapped his arms around Blair from behind, in a protective gesture. He didn't know who this guy was, most likely the aforementioned body guard. How could they have been so careless?

Roland assessed the situation quickly, Blair had been kissing a young man about her age when he had walked in and now the boy was holding her protectively, while staring at him suspiciously. He knew who the boy was immediately if not by name. "So this is the New Yorker who's letters make you so happy." He said as a statement.

Blair however, answered anyway. "Yes. This is the guy from the letters." She felt Chuck's hold on her tightening. She was scared and she could tell he was as well.

"I see." Roland said thinking about what he was going to do next. On the one hand, he should call Marcus and let him know the situation but on the other he really didn't want to, Blair was the one member of the Royal Family that had ever been nice to him and he was scared for her if Marcus knew about this. Plus, he had never seen her _this_ happy before. "You didn't know he was going to be here did you?" Roland asked perceptively. Blair hadn't given the slightest indication that anyone was going to be here other than her father and his lover and he had a feeling that if she had known that the boy was going to be here she would have been unable to sit still on the jet.

Blair shook her head slightly. "No, it was a surprise." She glanced at the various faces in the room, her father and Roman were both present now as well. Chuck's even breathing steadied her.

Chuck leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "If he calls Marcus we will disappear off the face of the earth. We will go somewhere that he could never find us. I'm not losing you again Blair, I won't."

Blair smiled at the thought of disappearing with Chuck. She knew how complicated that would be but it would be their last resort.

Roland looked at the couple curiously, he couldn't tell what the boy had said to her but whatever it was had made her visibly relax. Her eyes no longer held fear and she was even smiling just a little. Roland spoke quietly. "I believe Princess that I was sent as more of a spy than a body guard. My instructions said that I should report to him immediately if you came here to meet someone other than your father and Roman." He noticed Blair inhale sharply at his words but she didn't look surprised nor did she break eye contact. Apparently, Marcus knew about the other boy as well, thought Roland as Blair stood boldly before him. This whole situation was kind of fishy. "However, I suppose that since you weren't actually intending to meet him here, I don't have anything to report. The report never mentioned what to do if someone was here that you didn't know was going to be here." He watched as Blair's eyes suddenly lit up.

Blair quickly detached herself from Chuck's embrace and ran over and threw her arms about Roland. "Thank you, so much."

Roland chuckled as he held the young girl for a moment before she pulled away and back into the safety of the boys embrace, who had since followed her across the room.

The boy reached out a hand to shake Roland's. "Chuck Bass." He said as Roland took his hand. Roland's eyebrows shot up. "THE Chuck Bass? As in the sole heir to Bass Industries?" Roland asked impressed.

"I hope so." Chuck said smiling at the middle aged gentleman. He could like this guy, especially if he was going to keep their secret.

Roland smiled in return. "So does someone here want to fill me in on what's going on here?"

Blair exchanged a glance with Chuck, who shrugged. "Might as well, he is keeping our secret."

That's when Harold Waldorf stepped forward. "Yes, I believe I'd like to know what exactly is going on as well." He looked at his daughter, slightly worried. He had let her keep her secret and hadn't pressed. He had been respecting her privacy, but she was in over her head now and it was time he knew what exactly was going on.

Chuck laced his fingers through Blair's and gave them a reassuring squeeze. It was her decision whether or not she wanted to tell them, but either way he would support her.

Blair spoke assuredly. "Okay, well we better sit down, this might take a while."

Chuck chuckled quietly. "Might."

Everyone did as Blair said and took seats around the living room. Harold and Roman on the couch, Roland in a chair, and Blair and Chuck on a loveseat. After everyone was seated Blair spoke. "I guess for everyone to understand I'll have to start with Bart and Lily's wedding."

Chuck was still holding her hand as he spoke as well. "Actually, a brief summary of before then would probably be best. Do you want me to?" He asked and Blair replied with a nod. Chuck turned back to the group. "Blair and I have always been best friends but she dated the same guy, a guy who happens to be my best friend, until the beginning of our junior year. He slept with her best friend—"

Harold sat forward suddenly interrupting. "Nate and Serena slept together!"

Blair nodded, "Yes Daddy."

"Why didn't you tell me honey? I know how important he was to you." Harold asked concerned. He wanted to wring those two teenagers necks for that but clearly it no longer upset Blair. She seemed as calm as ever. Actually, around Chuck she seemed almost tranquil, which was saying something for a perfectionist like Blair.

"I got over it." She said squeezing Chuck's hand and smiling at him. "Continue."

Chuck nodded. "So they eventually ended things and Blair and I got together. It was good for awhile but Nate decided he wanted her back and I blew it big time. After that I did some extremely questionable things because I was angry and it took us until my father's wedding to Serena's mother to reconcile. But I messed up again. We were suppose to go to Tuscany together before Blair came here for the summer and I got scared and stood her up. I came here because I realized I couldn't lose her but I wasn't allowed to see her." Chuck said glancing at Harold and Roman. Both of which looked slightly guilty. "Blair was seeing someone else, Marcus actually. So I left but when she brought him to the Hamptons I conspired to get her back. She was staying with my step family and I was supposed to be staying with Nate but when I heard she was coming I moved in. I told her that I was sorry, that I did it because I was scared, that I came to France to find her, that I wasn't giving up this time."

Blair smiled and started talking. "He wrote me a song, explained to me why he was scared in the first place, and told me that he loved me and we umm . . ." Blair trailed off looking away as Harold coughed. "Sorry Daddy." He smiled reassuringly and she continued. "Well, I had a date with Marcus that night so I decided to use it to break up with him. He didn't like that and come to find out, he had known about Chuck all along. He had realized immediately that I was using him to make Chuck jealous and he had noticed how Chuck felt about me. He had been tailing us and the maid had told him about what Chuck was planning with the song and he had set up video cameras and filmed us. I asked him not to release the tape and told him that one way or the other it didn't change my decision. He practically laughed in my face, telling me that he was determined to have me."

The entire room, with the exception of Chuck, gasped. Roland was shaken. He knew the kind of things Marcus was capable of and he didn't doubt the girl's story for a moment.

Everyone looked as though they wanted to say something but Blair raised her hand so that they didn't. "It gets worse." Blair said before continuing. "He had set up a crime, fabricated evidence, bribed witnesses and everything, to take Chuck down if I didn't consent to marry him. I reluctantly agreed and he forced me to . . . and Chuck saw." Blair was near tears so Chuck took over.

"I thought she had gone back to him and I shut her out completely. They kept their engagement secret for a while but she knew I was still holding on so at the end of the summer gala's after party, she said awful things to me, broke the necklace I gave to her for her 17th Birthday, and put on his ring. I proceeded to embarrass her in front of everyone and Serena told me what was going on. I didn't believe her but I followed Blair and Marcus anyway and overheard them. I saw him hurt her and afterwards she and I made up and agreed to see each other in secret. Marcus went to Yale and Blair and I worked to find something on him to get us out of this mess." Chuck said, speaking for a while.

Blair knew without him saying to take over. "Marcus came back from Yale claiming that he couldn't be away from me, which made things difficult for us. He was supposed to be in England for a while but found out about the Royal Family debacle and came home, where he caught the two of us. He forbade us from seeing each other and imposed all sorts of rules. Eventually I put a stop to it because he had no way to enforce the rules and still get me to marry him. We were still searching for something to take him down but we didn't find anything."

Chuck interrupted this time. "We thought we found something at the last minute, but it turned out that Marcus had set me up to find it to get me out of the way and distract me. I tried to stop her from marrying him and she refused. I made a huge scene at the wedding, where I was the best man upon Marcus's insistence. Then we said goodbye on the landing pad and I didn't here from her again until she wrote me."

Blair knew that she had to take over again because that was all Chuck knew. "Marcus told me that he loved me and I pushed him away. He has worked hard trying to win me over and I don't hate him anymore. He even gave me my own private rooms in the house." Roland raised his eyebrows. "No one else even knows about them; they belonged to his sister."

"Camille?" Roland asked surprised. "Then he must love you. If I had to guess it was Camille's death that turned him into the guy who did those things to you two. But the fact that he loves you doesn't excuse what he has done. I'm sorry, and you have my word that I'll never tell him that the two of you remain involved. You make Marcus a better man from what I have seen; however, you don't deserve to be miserable in order to do that."

"Thank you." Blair said sincerely before turning to her father and Roman. "Well?"

Harold pursed his lips. This explained so much. "I understand why you didn't tell me. I would have kidnapped the two of you a long time ago and of course I wouldn't have let you go through with the marriage."

"Yes, why don't you just disappear, the two of you together?" Roman added.

Blair and Chuck both laughed but it was Blair who spoke. "Chuck suggested that option just moments ago in the case that Roland wasn't going to keep our secret. But the thing is, I don't want to spend the rest of my life running. To never be able to see you or mom again and all of my friends would be torture. At least right now Marcus is being really lenient but Chuck and I have realized that we can't not be together."

Harold gave his daughter a grim smile. "Okay." Then he stood. "It's Christmas Eve, you're here for two weeks, and I believe that this is a conversation for another time."

Everyone nodded and Harold disappeared for a moment before coming back with five of the large candy canes that had always been his and Blair's tradition.

"What is this?" Roland asked holding up the cane.

Blair smirked a little. "THAT is one of the many traditions that I was referring to earlier." Then she smiled and ran to her father. "Merry Christmas Daddy." She said hugging him tightly.

"Merry Christmas Blairbear." He said in return before whispering in her ear. "I know you and Chuck are going to want to get . . . _reacquainted_, with one another but I need you to wait until after tomorrow. I'm afraid Roman's mother is staying with us tonight, she's been here for two weeks," Blair could hear the exasperation in her father's voice; she knew that he wasn't a big fan of Roman's mother mainly because the woman objected to their sexuality. "And unfortunately she is in the guest room, right between yours and Chuck's. So just put off celebrating for one night, baby."

Blair nodded as she pulled away even though she was blushing furiously. It was strange to have you father know that you were planning on having sex. She turned to Chuck and hugged him to her.

Harold walked over to Roland. "It's getting late and I think I'm turning in. If you will follow me, I'll show you to your rooms."

Roland nodded before turning to Blair, who flipped to face the departing men. "Goodnight Princess—"

"Blair." She corrected him. "At least while we are here, call me Blair."

Roland nodded once more. "Right, Blair. Sleep well."

Blair smiled. "You too Roland and let one of us know if you need anything."

Roland nodded again, before turning to Harold. "Lead the way Mr. Waldorf."

Harold chuckled. "I believe the same rule applies to me. Call me Harold."

"And me." Added Roman.

"Might as well add me to the list." Chuck said as he stifled a laugh when Roland once more nodded.

"Are you turning in as well?" Harold asked Blair.

Blair looked at Chuck who raised his eyebrows, before facing her father. "I think we'll stay up a little while longer and talk." Harold raised his eyebrows slightly and Blair sighed. "Don't worry Daddy, we will behave . . . _tonight_."

Harold groaned a little at the thought of his little girl doing such things but Roman spoke up. "Come Harold, we discussed this, they are young and in love."

"I know." Harold said shaking his head. "But you will always be my little girl." He said to Blair.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Blair said smiling. On doing so she noticed that her jaw muscles hurt from lack of use up until today.

Harold walked over to his daughter and hugged her. "Goodnight Blair."

"Goodnight Daddy." Blair said as Harold and Roland started up the stairs.

Roman walked over and hugged Blair as well. "Goodnight Blair, we are so happy to have you here for the Holidays. And you as well Chuck." He said giving Chuck a nod.

"I'm happy to be here." Chuck said smiling and tightening his arms around Blair once more.

"Goodnight, you two." Roman said before heading up stairs.

Chuck spun Blair around quickly. "Alone at last." He said smiling down at the only girl he'd ever loved. "You know I like your father and everything, but I thought he was never going to leave."

Blair laughed. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you to." Chuck said, no longer joking. "When Roland walked in on us, I thought I'd already lost you again."

Blair exhaled. "I know. So did I. What did you think of Roland?" Blair asked curiously. Chuck was usually really outspoken about people and most of them he found something to fault them with.

Chuck thought about it for a moment. "He seems like a nice guy; he won me over when he agreed to keep our secret but the man nods a lot." Chuck said cracking a smile. "You know, the muscles in my mouth hurt. I feel like I've used them more in the past few hours than I have in months."

Blair laughed out loud. "I thought the same thing earlier."

Chuck started laughing as well before their eyes locked and they realized just how close together they were. Chuck took a hand and brushed her jaw, allowing his hand to continue back into her hair. He brought her head to meet his as he leaned in and their lips touched for the first time since Roland had interrupted them. Her lips were soft against his and he lightly ran his tongue along her lips, asking for her to permit him entrance.

Blair willingly opened her mouth, allowing Chuck to deepen the slow sensuous kiss. As his tongue entered her mouth, she let out a slight moan.

At Blair's response, Chuck turned briefly to check behind him before slowly sitting down on the couch. As he sat, he continued kissing Blair, and with his hands on her hips, he guided her onto his lap. As their kisses intensified, Chuck broke away slightly, kissing his way to her ear. "What do you say we continue this upstairs?" He asked his voice husky.

Blair sighed. "Now that wouldn't be behaving now would it?" Blair asked jokingly.

Chuck groaned. "I want to be with you Blair. I want to make love to you." He traced his finger along her jaw once more, letting it linger over her lip before bringing his mouth to hers.

This time it was Blair who pulled back. "Normally, I would race you there; however, Roman's mother is in the room between ours so my dad asked me to keep it chill for one night."

Chuck grinned. "Oh, I can be very quiet." He said kissing her neck. "She would never know."

As Chuck continued kissing her neck, Blair could hardly speak. "Oh . . . um . . . Chuck, stop it." He pulled back, grinning guiltily. "The point is, that I can't be quiet. You know me."

Chuck smiled. "Yes, I do." The glint in his eyes was still mischievous. "Unfortunately, I would say that we probably need to stop kissing before we break our word accidentally because I haven't seen you in over a month and I'm not sure I can keep my hands off you."

Blair smiled openly before leaning in and kissing Chuck once more on the mouth before pulling away and scooting off his lap. "I think you have the right idea. We have two whole weeks together." She curled up against his side and he wrapped his arm around her.

Chuck noticed the clock and turned and kissed her shoulder. "It's midnight Blair. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, Chuck." Blair said before snuggling back up against him. Most Christmases Blair would be looking forward to lots of gifts so she would be anxious to get to sleep but she had already received the best present she could have ever asked for so she was simply content in the moment. "Merry Christmas to you too."

**

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the update. I've decided to have several of these Holiday chapters so be prepared for lots of CB in the future. Reviews are always appreciated.  
xoxo  
kate**


	39. Bette Davis Eyes

**A/N: It's a little later than I thought, but here's the next chapter :) By the way, I've started a new progress type thing on my profile and I'll be updating that regularly to give you guys an idea of how it's going.  
xoxo Kate.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters**

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

* * *

Blair woke up smiling, but she wasn't entirely sure why. It was of course Christmas morning, but how special could Christmas be when she was locked away in dreary old England with the Royal Family. Then as though she was grabbed by the arm and yanked backwards into a dream, she remembered. She had every reason in the world to smile. She wasn't in England, she was in France, at her father's Chateau and Chuck was here. At that thought she ran to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. A quick glance in the mirror told her that her hair looked fine so she bounded down the stairs to the living room. She was surprised to see everyone was there but Chuck. Suddenly her heart dropped; maybe Chuck being here had been a dream after all.

Harold turned toward Blair with a huge smile on his face. "Merry Christmas Blairbear."

Blair ran towards her father and hugged him tightly. "Merry Christmas, Daddy." It was so good to have some sense of normalcy, even if she did dream one of the most elaborate dreams she ever had. She was too embarrassed to ask her father if it had actually been a dream. If she asked and it had been a dream, her father would think she had gone crazy. On top of that he might feel bad for not being as thoughtful as dream father. So instead she asked with wide eyes, "Is it time for presents?"

Harold chuckled at his beautiful daughter; her eyes were shinning and even though she hadn't really done any preparation this morning, she practically glowed. He hadn't seen her this happy in a very long time, possibly ever. His chuckling was due to the fact that she was so excited about Christmas morning that she didn't want to wait on Chuck. "Well I thought that we should probably wait on everyone to wake up before we started in on gifts."

_**Her hair is not gold, her lips sweet surprise  
Her hands are never cold, she's got Bette Davis eyes**_

"Everyone?" Blair asked softly looking around the room. Was it possible that he meant Chuck? Was last night really not a dream? She decided to risk it. The worst he could possibly say was that Chuck was in New York. "Do you know where Chuck is right now?" Blair asked letting her father interpret the question either way.

"Still asleep I'm afraid." Harold said shaking his head and smiling. He hadn't woken up either of them this morning, thinking that they had both had big days yesterday and most likely needed some quality sleep.

_**She'll turn the music on you, you won't have to think twice  
She's pure as New York snow, she got Bette Davis eyes **_

She was relieved to know that she hadn't actually dreamed Chuck being there. Quite honestly that would have probably sent her spiraling into depression. But since it wasn't a dream and he was actually here and in fact just sleeping, Blair had a plan. She grinned mischievously as she turned and headed towards the stairs. On her way up she called out, "Merry Christmas, everyone."

Everyone downstairs chuckled at Blair as she shot up the stairs and Harold simply shook his head; yes, he definitely had a daughter in love.

_**And she'll tease you, she'll unease you  
All the better just to please you**_

Once Blair had reached the second story once more, she slowed her footsteps, making sure each step was quiet and measured. She crept down the hall to Chuck's doorway, which she opened just a crack to peek in. Sure enough, there Chuck was, sleeping soundly in the plush bed.

Blair smirked before gently pushing the door open and carefully placing one foot inside. She tiptoed her way into the room until she was standing at the foot of the bed. Blair thought for a moment how peaceful Chuck looked. He was sleeping with a smile dancing on his face. Then suddenly she pounced, landing on top of him and rustling his hair. "Wakey, wakey Bass. It's Christmas morning."

_**She's precocious, and she knows just  
What it takes to make a pro blush  
She got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs, she's got Bette Davis eyes**_

"Jenny, Serena, whoever you are get off me." Chuck growled, squeezing his eyes tight.

Blair shook him and bounced. She realized that Chuck was still half asleep and just like her, he had no clue where he was waking up.

Chuck tried to throw her off by twisting his hips. "This better not Eric, Dan, or Nate, because that is a whole different level of bromance that I have never wanted to explore."

_**She'll let you take her home, it works her appetite  
She'll lay you on the throne, she got Bette Davis eyes**_

Blair smiled; Chuck was always like this in the morning. Right as he was about to wake up he seemed to be caught in an almost impenetrable sleep. Throughout the night, he wasn't too difficult to rouse but when it was morning, you almost needed an air horn to get him to wake up, or you just had to let him get up on his own. However, she had learned long ago a few things she could do to speed up the process. She took her right hand and slid it under the covers, down his chest, and into his boxers. As she softly stroked, she leaned forward and placed her mouth right at Chuck's ear before speaking. "Don't worry, I'm not anyone you've named." Then almost as an afterthought she ran her tongue along the outside of Chuck's ear.

_**She'll take a tumble on you, roll you like you were dice  
Until you come out blue, she's got Bette Davis eyes**_

Chuck didn't want to wake up. He had been dreaming one of the best dreams of her he had ever had, so when someone decided to jump on him, he didn't really care for it. He assumed it was Jenny, but Serena was another possibility if she was excited enough; it was after all Christmas morning. Groaning he tired to dislodge the mystery person. If this was one of the guys he was going to kill them, this was pushing the lines of friendship right here. He knew it could technically be any of the five of the group since for some reason the Humphrey duo was suppose to show up for Christmas at the Basses since Lily was the only parent in town. They had planned it so long ago. When he felt a hand go into his pants he knew it had to be Jenny though; no one else would dare. However the voice in his ear claimed otherwise and Jenny would never . . . "BLAIR!" Chuck said sitting up suddenly and remembering everything.

_**She'll expose you, when she snows you  
Hope you're pleased with the crumbs she throws you**_

Blair was now quite tangled up with Chuck due to his abrupt motion. She giggled and wrapped her legs tightly around his torso as she withdrew her hand. "Merry Christmas, Chuck." She whispered huskily before leaning in and kissing him.

Chuck tightly wrapped his arms around Blair as he returned the kiss. His hands moved quickly to the hem of her nighty and quickly traveled up and under. He heard her moan against his lips as he slipped his hands down into the back of her underwear and squeezed. This was by far the best wakeup call he had ever received.

Blair rubbed her body against his. Shifting her hips back and forth gently as she nibbled lightly on his lip before returning the kiss. As she did she moved her hands up his back to his hair.

_**She's ferocious and she knows just  
What it takes to make a pro blush  
All the boys think she's a spy, she's got Bette Davis eyes**_

Chuck was in awe. How had he forgotten how frisky Blair was in the mornings? He moved his head to kiss her neck and felt her fingers tighten in his hair.

Blair broke away gasping. "Chuck as much as I hate to do this, we have to go downstairs. Everyone is waiting on us."

Chuck groaned in frustration. "Blair, I'm going to need a cold shower first." He said gesturing downwards.

_**And she'll tease you, she'll unease you  
All the better just to please you**_

Seated as she was Blair knew exactly what he was talking about. She smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. "I think I can fix that." She said deviously before ducking under the covers.

"Blair, what are you . . . Oh God." Chuck said as he felt Blair's mouth doing just what she said and fixing his little problem. His stamina was never good in the mornings and in this case it was probably a good thing since they were in a hurry. He was growling within minutes. _Damn she was good_.

_**She's precocious, and she knows just  
What it takes to make a pro blush  
All the boys think she's a spy, she's got Bette Davis eyes**_

Everything would have been fine if Harold Waldorf hadn't walked into the room, the moment she succeeded in solving his not so little problem.

Harold's eyes were wide with shock and he flipped around. "Oh God, Blair."

Chuck wanted to say something but he wasn't entirely sure what to say. In all his years of womanizing, the only parents who had ever walked in on him with a girl were his father, and a mother who wanted to join in the fun. This was a whole new level of awkward. "Mr. Waldorf, umm."

Blair quickly withdrew herself from under the covers. "Daddy!" She shrieked. "Why didn't you knock?"

Harold turned around trying to withhold any looks of judgment but still feeling extremely embarrassed and slightly angry albeit not really. "The door was cracked and I assumed you two were just talking or kissing. I didn't realize . . ." He said trailing off.

Blair covered her face with her hands. "We'll be right down, Daddy." As she dropped her hands she climbed off the bed. "I'm sorry you walked in on that." She said, extremely embarrassed. Her father had just seen her giving a blow job to Chuck Bass and she seemed way more upset than he did. What was the world coming to?

Harold smiled a small smile at his daughter and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Don't stress it baby girl, it's fine. Just next time lock the door." He said withdrawing his hands and leaving the room.

"Oh. My. God." Blair said as she leaned back against the now closed door. Chuck had managed to pull on a pair of pajamas instead of boxers after seeing Blair's dad in a pair and was now walking towards her.

"Hey your dad said not to worry about it. Let's just forget it ever happened." Chuck said kissing her cheek, before she nodded. Then as an afterthought Chuck added, "But thank you for the amazing wake up call Waldorf."

Blair smiled and opened the door. "I'll expect you to repay the favor sometime in the future Bass."

Chuck smirked. "Gladly." He said before following her out the door and down the stairs. Oh how he had missed having Blair Waldorf in his life.

* * *

"We're here." Jenny called, using the spare key under the fire hydrant just in case there was no one up yet. "Serena, Chuck, Eric, we're here." Jenny called seeing a coffee pot on and knowing that someone MUST be awake. This was going to be a strange Christmas for sure. Allison was in Europe with her new boyfriend and Rufus had signed up to do a Holiday season tour before he knew about Allison's Europe trip. When Nate found out that his mom was simply heading back to the Hamptons for Christmas and Bart got called off on Business, apparently Christmas isn't a big thing in China, the new crew decided to just have Christmas together and Lily, the one remaining parent, had been thrilled to host. They had set a price limit of thirty dollars on all gifts, which had made things a little bit difficult for Serena, Eric, and Chuck. None of them were used to the thirty dollar rule and Jenny fully expected everyone to cheat. She had even broken the rule on one present.

Eric came bounding down the stairs fully clothed and Serena burst out of her room all within a few seconds of Jenny calling, causing Jenny and Dan both to burst out laughing.

"Anxious to see us?" Dan asked walking over and giving Serena a quick kiss. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too." Serena said smiling and giving him a quick kiss back.

Just then Nate walked through the still open door. "Hey guys," he said setting an arm load of presents on the counter. "I tried to catch up with you in the lobby but I just missed you."

"Sorry man." Dan said turning toward Nate, pulling Serena in front of him and wrapping his arms around her as Jenny walked over and went through the same exchange with Nate.

Dan looked to Eric, "Is Jonathon coming?"

Eric smiled. They were all so great about the whole gay thing. He was kind of amazed that none of them ever gave him crap about it; but then again they were his friends. "Yeah, he'll be by later after he does the morning stuff with his parents."

"Cool." Nate said snuggling into Jenny's neck.

As everyone continued Merry Christmas-ing each other Jenny suddenly realized that someone was missing, Chuck. She hadn't heard a word from him since she had walked in the door and looking around she noticed that he wasn't simply hiding off in some corner. "Hey guys, where's Chuck?" She called out, moving from the hold of Nate's arms.

Eric looked around as well. "I haven't seen him once this morning." This was odd, he figured that Chuck was probably glad that everyone was going to be here, not off hiding away. Chuck had told him a while ago that he wasn't looking forward to Holidays alone, Thanksgiving had been bad.

Serena shrugged. "He might still be asleep. You know how hard he is to wake up." Serena didn't think that there was anything unusual going on, this wasn't a big surprise to her; Chuck was always the last one up.

Everyone nodded, including Jenny, but in that sense she was determined to wake him up. She smiled and headed towards his bedroom. "In that case, I'll fix that."

As she walked in she noticed that the bed was made. "Uh guys, I think you should come in here." She called out as she walked further into the room. The drawers were askew, with random items falling out. Chuck had left to go somewhere and he had left in a hurry. That's when she spotted the note on the bed. She saw everyone pile into the room from the corner of her eye as she began to read Chuck's note. Strangely it was addressed to her.

_Jen, _

_I've gone to spend Christmas in France.  
Not sure when I'll be back.  
Tell the others about the letters.  
Merry Christmas,_

_C. Bass_

At first Jenny was in shock. There's no way that meant what she thought it did; but why else would he have taken off without even a phone call and to France no less. Plus, he wanted her to tell the others about the letters. She could hear the others asking what it was but she blocked them out because that could only mean one thing, Chuck was with Blair! "Ohmygod!" she screamed. "Ohmygod." Then suddenly she was jumping up and down screaming.

"What is it Jenny?" Serena asked rushing forward and taking the letter that Jenny held out to her. Jenny had stopped jumping and watched Serena carefully as her eyes scanned the letter. She looked back up, "So you are excited that Chuck has ditched us to spend Christmas in France alone."

Jenny smiled even larger. She could tell that Serena didn't get it, but she really wasn't supposed to. That was why it had been addressed to Jenny; she was the only one who knew enough to understand what the letter meant. "That's just it Serena, he's not alone."

Nate walked forward and snatched the note from Serena's hand. After reading it he looked at Jenny, "Serena's right Jen, Chuck's just ditched like always. He'll probably spend a couple days in France before heading south to Monaco for New Years. He usually hosts a party there for the event."

Jenny just shook her head still smiling. "You don't get the note guys because you weren't meant to." With that she started walking the room, searching the drawers, the letters had to be around here somewhere, unless Chuck had taken them with him; but from the looks of the room, she didn't think he would have had time.

Dan stepped forward, always the concerned brother. "Jen, I know you and Chuck are friends, but do you really think, it's a good idea to be searching through the drawers of Chuck Bass." It was something that he himself would never dream of doing but Jenny always did have all the guts in the family.

She ignored him as she kept searching. "Think guys, who does Chuck know that lives in France." Before anyone could answer she added. "That isn't a hooker."

Everyone looked at each other puzzled; but it was Serena who spoke. "The only people I know in France are Harold and Roman, Blair's dads."

Jenny smiled. "Bingo." But she was still searching for the letters.

Nate raised his eyebrows. "So you are saying that Chuck is spending Christmas with Blair's dad and his gay lover?" He had a hard time buying into this one.

Jenny laughed. "You still don't get it do you?" She finally spotted what she was looking for and pulled out the small stack of letters, noticing that the note had now been passed all the way through the group. "I'm curious as to why none of you have asked about the letters Chuck mentions in the note?"

Eric narrowed his eyes. "What do you know that we don't?" He was really and truly the smartest of the group, if you didn't count Blair and Chuck but they were mostly just geniuses for scheming.

Laughing again, Jenny earned a few glares. "Quite a bit, from the looks of things." That's when she held up the letters for everyone to see. "Chuck and Blair have been writing to each other, almost the entire time."

Everyone's eyes practically bugged out of their heads and their jaws almost fell on the floor. It was Dan who spoke this time. "I knew it! I knew there was something going on with you two. You've been the middle man haven't you? The other day at the Subway, you were passing him a letter!" The last sentence was more of an exclamation than a question.

Nate looked confused as did Serena but Eric just simply nodded as though things were finally making sense.

Jenny nodded as well. "Blair sent Chuck a letter. He thought it would be best if letters didn't start arriving at her home from him so he gave me the letters and I mailed them to Blair. In return, Blair mailed her letters to me and I passed them on to Chuck. It was insurance so that they didn't get caught. I wanted to tell you guys but Chuck wouldn't let me. He thought you guys would think he was weak for not being able to let go. But the only reason that Chuck would just take off like that for France is if he knew that Blair was going to be there too."

"Oh my God." Serena said softly before running and hugging Jenny. "You are totally right."

Then as though it had finally clicked that two of their best friends had found a way to finally be together, everyone started jumping up and down screaming; even the boys. Suddenly Jenny stopped. "Does anyone know Harold Waldorf's number?" Jenny asked smiling.

Serena nodded. "It's on the emergency contact list next to the phone." And as she left to retrieve it they followed.

Jenny looked at Eric and smiled. "Go get your laptop. You are about to get your present early." Then she turned to Serena, "Can I use the house phone? My cell doesn't go international."

"Of course." Serena said, stepping back to where the guys were standing, watching Jenny go. Eric came down the stairs just as she punched in the number and she told Eric which gift was his, holding the receiver away as the phone rang just in case. It was Harold Waldorf who answered. "Mr. Waldorf, this is Jenny Humphrey. Merry Christmas to you to. I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" She asked grinning as Eric opened his gift and pulled out a webcam.

"What's going on?" Blair asked as she was being led to sit in front of a desktop computer.

Harold just smiled. "Sit right here darling. This is a little unexpected surprise."

She cocked her head slightly and looked towards the screen, which was currently centered on a black box. Suddenly, the box clicked to life and before her stood Jenny, Serena, Eric, Nate, and Dan. Her eyes lit up with surprise.

"Merry Christmas B!" They said, almost all at once.

Blair's face broke out into a gigantic smile. "How did you guys even know that I was here?" She asked mystified.

Jenny grinned. "It took some decoding of Chuck's note but I figured it out about half an hour ago. Then once I explained to everyone about the letters, I realized that we could use the gift I just gave Eric to talk to you, providing that your father had a webcam."

They heard Harold off to the side. "Which luckily I did because of the fashion web show Roman hosts."

Nate, the one who still almost didn't believe that this was really happening, said. "Is Chuck really there with you?"

Blair laughed and turned slightly in her Chair before motioning with her head. Soon enough, Chuck came into view only seconds later. "Sorry for the disappearing act guys." He said taking Blair into his lap.

Nate shook his head disbelievingly. "Wow. This is incredible."

Serena screamed as though she couldn't possibly hold it in any longer. "B!!!! It's so so good to SEE you! I miss you girl."

"I miss you too S." Blair said smiling sadly. "I miss all of you. Even you Cabbage Patch." Blair said jokingly as she looked to Dan who so far had been fairly silent.

He shook his head slightly. "I've missed that you know." It was so strange to be at St. Jude's everyday without being insulted by Blair Waldorf.

"I know." She said, frowning slightly. "I wish I could talk to you guys more but it's hard. I don't have an international cell and no internet in the house."

Everyone nodded solemnly before Jenny bounced in her seat. "Enough sad stuff, it's Christmas and we have presents for you." While they were setting up the webcam, they all realized that not only had every single one of them bought a gift for Blair, they had brought it with them.

Blair smiled. "Gifts? You guys didn't need to get me anything." She couldn't admit she was intrigued. This had truly been the second greatest surprise of her life; the first having occurred last night.

"We'll have to unwrap them for you." Jenny said shrugging. "Anyone want to go first?"

Eric volunteered. He moved to the front where he unwrapped his gift. It took him a minute to complete unwrap it because he was extremely precise with his wrapping technique. Finally, after what seemed like forever he held it up so that Blair could see. I was a head band, but not just any head band. There was something about it that screamed Blair Waldorf. It was black, with small red appliqué flowers attached over the entire surface, with a few rhinestones here and there.

"E I love it!" Blair shrieked, excitedly. It was so her that it scared her.

Next up was apparently Serena. Her unwrapping took only moments as she was always more a make-sure-everything-is-covered-and-go kind of wrapper. Soon enough she was holding up a picture collage of photos from the past eighteen years. There were even some recent ones, without Blair in them.

After that Dan stepped forward. "So this was kind of a surprise find but here you go." Dan said as he unwrapped a book. It was Breakfast at Tiffany's. "It's the novella by Truman Capote published in 1958 with three short stories. I found it in a used bookstore and thought it was perfect." Blair's response told him that it was ideal.

Nate came next. "So I kind of fell back a little and went traditional." Blair smiled knowingly as Nate unwrapped and withdrew from a small box a charm for her charm bracelet that Nate had given her for her tenth birthday. He had given her a charm every year since. This was a charm of the Empire State Building. "For New York you know?" He said as Blair smiled at him enchanted knowing that it very much broke the thirty dollar rule that had been established. "Oooo Nate broke the rules." Blair teased.

Last up was Jenny. "So this definitely was within the rules," Jenny said as she withdrew from a box a dress. It was a deep red, one shoulder silk dress with a crème silk bow around the waist. "I made it." She said smiling at Blair's reaction.

"Jenny it's beautiful and you shouldn't have." Blair said with a smile. "You guys are all so wonderful she said as a tear drop fell down her cheek."

"B don't cry." Serena said quickly, noticing Blair's tears. "Now that we know we can do this we can talk again. How about the same time on Thursday?"

Blair nodded. "Merry Christmas guys."

"Merry Christmas, Blair and Chuck." They singsonged back as Jenny reached forward and turned off the monitor.

Blair watched as the screen went black. "It was good to see them." She said, leaning back into Chuck.

He gripped her tightly to him and nodded.

"You've been awfully quiet." She said placing a soft kiss on his neck.

"I see them all the time." He said placing one of his own on her forehead. "Come on, it's time for your present from me." He said quietly and Blair smiled.

**

* * *

A/N: Don't worry the next chapter is another full of CBness. Reviews always appreciated.**

**Song: Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes (Leighton Meester does an awesome cover of it) I changed like two words :) **


	40. Three Gifts

**A/N: So I just finished What He Can't Have and I would say that meant faster updates for this fic but alas it doesn't because a plot bunny that's been bouncing around in my head for a while has managed to hop right on to the computer screen. So just as I finish one fic, it appears that I'll be starting another. Hope you all enjoy this chapter though. **

**xoxo  
kate**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. The end probably deserves the rating M though because it is rather explicit. Don't say I didn't warn you :) **

* * *

"Where are you going?" Blair asked lightly chuckling, as Chuck handed her over to her father and slowly backed out the front door. Chuck had said that he was going to give her a present and yet he was disappearing off somewhere.

Harold gave his daughter a hug. "Don't worry you'll see him again soon." He had had a difficult time allowing her to go through with her wedding to Marcus and as of right now he was trying to think of ways to keep her from going back to London. One of his issues had been how young she was. How could his eighteen year old daughter really be ready to be married, have found the right guy? But now he realized that she was ready, she had found the right guy, she had simply married the wrong one. He couldn't believe that he was actually admitting that his little girl was ready to be married but she truly was, if that guy was Chuck. He had been noticing it all day. They sat so closely together and if one shifted even the slightest, the other's body did as well. There hadn't been excessive PDA either. A quick kiss on the check, forehead, or lips and some handholding; but nothing ostentatious. They were in love, something that would be obvious to anyone who so much as saw the way they looked at one another. No wonder Marcus was worried that Blair was meeting Chuck here. "Now, here, take this." Harold said passing Blair a note, just like Chuck had instructed.

Blair smiled as she read the note.

_I've made a series of notes to lead you to me.  
So start by going to the closet in your bedroom.  
You'll find your next note there._

Blair looked at the note curiously before shrugging and walking up the stairs. She hesitantly approached her bedroom, you never know what Chuck might have planned. She opened the door to find everything exactly as she had left it hours before. She walked over to her closest and opened the door, to find a garment bag. The garment bag had a tag attached to its zipper, "OPEN ME :)". So she smiled and did as it said gasping at what she found. Inside the bag she found a stunning green silk dress that looked like it fell close to her knees. It was an Alex and Olivia, she knew the second she saw it. On the hanger was another note.

_There are several boxes throughout the dresser to complete the outfit.  
Have fun._

Blair rushed over to the dresser and started opening drawers. One had a pair of amazing shimmery tights. She noticed immediately that a garter would be required to keep these up so she laid them on the counter and kept opening drawers. Soon enough she found them all and a collection of items lay on the dresser. Sure enough there was gorgeous lingerie, all La Perla of course, it was almost gold with small black streaks through it; it looked exquisite and as she put it on she was amazed. She didn't think that she had ever worn such luxurious lingerie and she was Blair freaking Waldorf. That thought made her think that perhaps Chuck had had the lingerie commissioned through La Perla. Everything about it was so intricate. She attached the garter straps to the tights and smiled at her reflection before pulling the dress over her head. As she zipped it she couldn't believe how it felt and looked on. She looked like she had just stepped off the runway of a fashion show for Versace. It was incredible and as she said before she was used to wearing beautiful clothes.

In another drawer she had found a headband. She had been immediately surprised by its weight. Why was a headband, so well heavy? Not that it would be too heavy, just that there was actually substance to it surprised her. That's what made her realize that the light gold band was real gold and in that case, the flowers so intricately placed were probably made of real diamonds. Meaning that there was probably only one place it could have come from; Tiffany. She placed it on her head and it felt perfect. The diamonds shimmered in her hair.

Speaking of shimmering, there was also a bracelet among the gifts. As she put it on Blair couldn't help but think it would have matched the Erikson Beamon necklace that Chuck had given her for her seventeenth birthday perfectly. With that thought she felt a pang in her heart that she had broken the necklace in her plot to get Chuck to give up on her. She missed it more than she ever knew she would because that necklace was like a symbol of what they had. As she looked in the mirror this time she wondered if she should put on the necklace Marcus had given her, her neck looked so bare. But instead she took the next note and followed its instructions.

_Go to the closet by the door. _

She smiled and left her room, descending the staircase in all of her glorious splendor. Harold looked up at her and smiled brightly. His daughter was beautiful and it seemed that she had finally found someone worthy of all that beauty from the way that she was smiling. Right before Blair reached the bottom of the stairs Roland and Roman stepped out of the kitchen. Roman dropped the wine glass he was carrying and Roland's eyes practically popped out of his head. "Miss. Blair I must say, you look fabulous."

Blair blushed deeply. She had never thought that being nice to someone who worked for her would have been repaid with such kindness. But Roland had turned in to much more than an employee of her captors. He took care of her, he was her only friend in London, and most importantly he was now the keeper of her biggest secret. "Thank you." She said sincerely before bending to help pick up the glass from the shattered goblet.

Roman swatted her hands away. "Stop that Blair! Chuck is waiting, go." He said playfully, but Blair stood and did as she was told walking to the coat closet. Inside there was yet another hanging bag, this one containing one of the most magnificent coats that she had ever seen. It was black and to anyone simply looking at it, it might seem plain but that was by no means the case. The fabric felt light in her hands but she could tell that it would have no trouble keeping her warm. There were intricate designs on each of the buttons, barely noticeable to the naked eye and entire inside was lined with red silk. It was simply beautiful. She put it on before reading the next note.

_Come outside. _

Blair looked over at the three men in the room. "Do any of you know what's going on here?" She asked, giving them the look she gave when she demanded an answer to her question. She didn't do well with surprises, even if they were from Chuck. She simply liked to know how things were going to end before she got involved.

Her question was met by smirking faces and vague answers. "No, of course not." Said her father, while Roman shook his head, "What could we possibly know anything about?" He asked suggestively. Even Roland seemed to be in on it as he simply changed the subject, "I believe that a certain young man is waiting on you dear."

Blair just shook her head smiling. "Whatever your roles are in this grand scheme Chuck's cooked up, thanks."

They nodded at her, smiling as well, as she walked out the front door. The cold wind was biting against her skin. She had almost forgotten what winters in France were like; utterly frigid with a bitter wind. As soon as she recovered from the shock of the cold on her face she realized that she wasn't cold anywhere else. The coat was amazingly warm. Moving past the weather she began to notice things around the porch. The front path was lined with luminaries, burning brightly in the dark night. Blair, careful because of the light snow that powdered the ground after the earlier dusting, followed the path off the porch. She was surprised as she came forward to find a horse drawn carriage waiting for her. A driver was there, helping her up and handing her another note.

_There's a warm blanket, bundle up, I don't want you getting sick on me. If you look under the seat, you'll find a thermos of hot chocolate. Go ahead and have some. I'll see you soon._

Blair smiled as she wrapped herself in the blanket and reached under her seat. Sure enough there was a hot thermos exactly where Chuck had said it would be. She poured herself a cup and took a sip, relishing the way that it warmed her as it moved from her mouth down throughout her body; the warmth running through her veins. As the carriage moved, she laid her head back on the old fashioned head rest. This felt like something out of a Jane Austin novel and she honestly couldn't be happier. Blair realized after about ten minutes that she had no idea where they were going; there was no way that they were still on her father's estate. But through the dark, she caught a glimpse of the grape vines. They were traveling out into the vineyard, something that was puzzling to her to say the least. To her knowledge the only thing out here was the large wine cellar that supplemented the one in the house. As though summoning it through her thoughts, the wine cellar appeared in front of her but although the carriage slowed, it didn't stop. That's when she noticed the cottage. She had forgotten it existed since no one ever used it. It was on the edge of the property and Blair had always assumed that her father would use it as a guest house since that seemed to be its previous use. She saw a flash of car lights behind the cabin as a car backed up and hit the main road. Then suddenly Chuck was in front of her. "Merry Christmas, Blair." He said extending a hand to help her down.

Blair took his hand and stepped from the carriage, into his waiting arms. She hugged him tightly, "Merry Christmas, Chuck."

Chuck only held her for a moment this time before taking her by the hand once more and tugging her towards the door. "Come on, let's go in. It's freezing out here."

Blair nodded in affirmation and allowed him to lead her in. The sight that met her eyes, caused tears to suddenly appear in their corners and she swallowed with difficulty, trying to force them down; this wasn't really an appropriate time for tears. The entrance room, which was also the living and dining room, was decorated with candles galore. She allowed Chuck to take her coat as she moved towards a table that he had set with a candle light dinner. She turned back to him, features glowing and eyes sparkling, "This is amazing, Chuck."

Chuck's look was half smile half smirk. "Hold your horses Waldorf, I'm not even done yet." He said pulling back her chair for her.

"You mean there's more." Blair asked awestruck as she let Chuck seat her. "Chuck you didn't have to do all this, I mean I don't exactly have you anything since I didn't know that you were going to be here."

He didn't even flinch, his face didn't fall, his smile staid exactly where it was. He of course hadn't expected anything from her. He had gone out and bought everything that he had given her so far, the minute he got off the plane. One of her remaining presents was something he had been working on for a while, another had practically fallen into his lap, while the other gift had caught even him by surprise. He took his seat across from her. "I didn't expect you to. I've been here longer than you and I knew that you were coming, which is something that you definitely didn't know about me." He gestured towards the food on the table, it was all of her favorites, from broiled scallops, to filet minion, and red skinned potatoes. "Now eat before our food gets cold."

Blair nodded and smiled, as one of her father's butlers came and poured them each a glass of red wine. The talk between them was easy, as though they had never been apart or maybe as though they had been apart for so long that there was so much to say. They covered all the bases, everything that could have never been said in letters. She explained to him how frustrating London was, how the Queen was a constant uphill battle, but Marcus's mother was worse. She did however adore her nieces and nephews and their mother Kate had tried hard to be nice to her. "Kate's my maid-of-honor this time." Blair said neutrally. As for the rest of my bridesmaids, they include Princess Beatrice of York, who I must say isn't very happy with me even though it's not my fault that her dad went off and became Catholic. The Monaco girls Charlotte Casiraghi and her younger half sister Princess Alexandra of Hanover; you know that they are the granddaughters of Grace Kelly. I actually thought that Alexandra was too young to be a bridesmaid but they insisted that if Charlotte was one Alexandra must be as well, or it wouldn't be polite. Similarly, I wanted Princess Madeline of Sweden and once more they told me I had to take all the female siblings regardless of the fact that Princess Victoria is like thirty two and will be Queen one day. And for the seventh and final bridesmaid we went back to the York family for Princess Eugenie of York. Unlike her sister, she has actually been nice to me; after all she is only a few months older than me."

Chuck listened to Blair talk, completely enraptured by what she was saying. Now probably wouldn't be the time to mention his affair with Charlotte Casiraghi two summers ago in Monaco. It was pre-Blair but she didn't need Blair hating one of the only bridesmaids that she actually liked. "Wow." Chuck said as Blair filled him in on all the wedding plans. Soon enough the conversation switched from her to him; about how his life was back home. "Well my grades have gone up. Bart couldn't be happier about that one. For a long time I think that all of the teachers thought that I was cheating because for once I was putting forth effort and doing well."

Blair smiled at Chuck. "I always knew you were the smartest kid at St. Jude's, it's about time everyone else knew too." She couldn't have been prouder of what Chuck was doing with his life. Making good grades, spending time with his family, getting to know Dan and Jenny even better.

"Just about a week ago, we all spent the night at the Humphrey's place instead of going out to celebrate the last day of class. I think Rufus was about to have a panic attack, Chuck said, smiling fondly at the memory. He had told Blair about all of the things that they had been doing together since she had left and he watched her face fall a little.

Blair scoffed. "Sure, you guys get close and do crazy stuff _after_ I'm gone." She said sarcastically.

Chuck didn't laugh at Blair's attempt to lighten the mood. Instead, he reached over and took her hand. "Do you know why we do all this stuff?" He asked softly.

Blair just shook her head. Leave it to Chuck to immediately know that she was jealous of their bonding without her.

He continued, knowing exactly what to say. "You." He said before continuing. "You're the one who brought our crazy group of misfits together and you were always the glue that held us there. Things started falling apart the day you left. We were at each other's throats within days. But then your letter came and I knew that you wouldn't want us to be like that. So Jenny and I started arranging get-togethers with everyone taking turns picking the activity. Now the group couldn't be split up if you tried and that's because of you, so no matter what there will always be a place for you with us."

Blair smiled and squeezed his hand, noticing that he didn't let go. "Oh, look at this, Chuck and Blair holding hands; who would have ever thought that the two of us would be that kind of couple."

"The old us never would have." Chuck said as though it was a simple fact. "We're not those scared insecure kids anymore." As he spoke, he knew those words were true. They were different people than they were back then. This Chuck would never abandon Blair at a helipad, he wouldn't post anything about her on Gossip Girl, and even if he caught her with someone else he would talk to her about it before he reacted. He loved her and he knew that she loved him. What they went through, it built up a certain kind of bond, one that's unbreakable.

Blair knew what he was saying was true, everyone who knew them could tell you that; but there was however an ounce of falsity with the statement. "Chuck, I'm still scared." She said, hating the weakness coating her voice.

Chuck closed his eyes for a moment. It was as though he didn't have a choice, they were so heavy that he couldn't hold them open, couldn't look into Blair's eyes and see the fear that he knew was there. When he opened them once more, he spoke. "I know, I am too. I don't want to lose you Waldorf, not again." He paused and reached under the table. "So I have your first gift." Chuck said pulling up a large jewelry box.

"First?" Blair asked cocking her head slightly. He had already given her so many things tonight.

Chuck smirked. "Well the first of the big three. This is the only one that is really a gift from me to you though."

Blair looked at him curiously as he handed her the jewelry case. It was remarkable similar to the one that he had given her what seemed like five years ago but in reality was just over one. She opened the box and gasped. She reached in and tentatively touched the charms on the necklace; her fingers lightly tracing the heart at the center. Blair looked back up at Chuck as surprised smile forming on her features. "But . . . how . . . this isn't possible." Blair uttered, dumbstruck because truly the necklace she was holding in her hand couldn't exist. It was an exact replica of the one that Chuck had given her on her seventeenth birthday; but that had a special piece by Erickson Beamon. Only one was ever made and she had been the owner until she ripped it off her next at the Gala after party last summer. She looked into Chuck's eyes, her own filled with wonder.

Her reaction was even better than he had hoped. He knew that she would be excited. That necklace was special and she had lost it trying to protect him but her reaction went above and beyond. "I wanted it done before you left, but then you moved the date of the wedding up. I commissioned Erickson Beamon himself to make another one, something he wasn't happy about doing. He claims he never makes two pieces exactly the same. That's why I had him engrave the back of the heart." Chuck explained.

Blair immediately flipped the large center charm to read simply, 'Always have, always will.' It was perfect; something unique to the two of them, just like the necklace itself. "I don't know what to say Chuck. It's beautiful and I couldn't have asked for a more thoughtful gift." She said smiling. That's when she remembered the earrings. She reached up to touch them dangling from her ear. Of course, Chuck had planned that. She smiled again at the realization and lifted her hair; letting Chuck know that she wanted him to put the necklace on her.

Chuck of course complied before helping her to her feet. "Are you ready for present number two?" He asked grinning.

Blair smiled. "Sure." Who knew what Chuck was going to do next.

Suddenly, Chuck threw out his arms as though encompassing the entire house. "This is it."

She looked at him confused. Chuck was never like this. He almost always made sense; even when he was blackout drunk. "I don't think I understand."

"The house Blair." Chuck said gesturing around once more. "Your father has given it to us for the rest of our time here . . . with the exception that we eat at least one meal a day over at the main house."

"Oh. My. God." Blair said quietly at first before squealing. "OH MY GOD!" She ran to Chuck and leapt up; throwing her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Luckily Chuck had anticipated her reaction and was braced and ready to grab on to her. Even with the preparation for the jump, he still stumbled back slightly at the force of her leap. She was nowhere near, containing her excitement. "They've given us our own place? I can't believe it."

Chuck couldn't have wiped the smile off his face if he had tried. "Yep, it's all real. The car lights I'm sure that you saw were your dad's as he brought up all of your things from the main house.

A look of understanding crossed Blair's face; that explained quite a bit even though she had basically forgotten about the car lights. At that she smiled and leaned in, kissing him. She still couldn't get enough of kissing him. Quite honestly, she never could get enough of him, even when they hadn't been separated for months. She was being the aggressive one in this kiss, something that was bothering her slightly. She ground her hips slightly and tugged on his lip with her teeth teasingly.

Chuck chuckled into the kiss. Blair was feisty right now; but he couldn't let her get too carried away before the final Christmas present. He squeezed her ass gently before unhooking her legs from his waist and sitting her down.

Blair looked up at him, her expression a mixture of confusion and frustration. She let out a small whimpering sound.

Chuck reached out and brushed his hand along her face, before speaking quietly. "You know I want you too." He took one of her hands and moved it over the bulge in his pants. "See."

Blair smiled in response, of course she knew he wanted her, but the evidence was nice. She still didn't understand why he had stopped her just then. "Then why?"

"Because, I haven't given you your final gift yet." Chuck said, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs.

When they reached the upstairs bedroom, Blair gasped. The bed was covered in rose petals. A bottle of champagne was sitting on a table next to two glasses and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries. "It's wonderful Chuck." She said, a smile evident even in her voice.

Chuck outright laughed this time. "Please, tell me that you don't think this is your present?"

Blair turned around frowning, "It's not?"

"No it's not." Chuck said seriously as he got down on one knee in front of her and took her hand.

_**So we lie here in the dark  
All the wrong things on fire **_

Blair's eyes went wide with surprise. This was the last thing that she expected, he wasn't proposing, was he?

"Blair, I love you." Chuck began, looking so deeply in her eyes that he could see himself reflected back. "You are the only person that I've ever said that to. I've always thought that I would be a bachelor for my entire life. I didn't want to have to deal with being tied down to one woman. No woman was ever worth the promise of fidelity but something's changed and now I can't even imagine being with someone else. On your wedding day, I would have given the world, to change places with Marcus; to be the guy that you said 'I Do' to. I thought that I had lost you and now that I have you back, I can't let you go; not now, not ever. So I am asking you to give me the greatest Christmas present of all and marry me." Chuck finished as he withdrew from his pocket a small blue box, holding it in his other hand for Blair to open.

Blair took the box, slowly pulling the ribbon. She removed the lid and gasped. The ring was absolutely gorgeous. "The Tiffany Novo ring." Blair said softly. She could tell that the ring was a high carrot count and knew that it must have cost a small fortune.

_**In sickness and in health  
To be with you, just to be with you **_

Chuck nodded. "You deserve one even larger and more expensive but I couldn't imagine you with a ring that wasn't Tiffany."

Blair shook her head. "Chuck, it's perfect; but you know I can't." She looked away. "I'm already married."

Chuck got to his feet and turned her head back to face him, before speaking so close that he only needed to whisper. "I don't care."

His deep voice sent tingles deep down her spine and she listened as he continued.

_**And in your wedding dress, to have and to hold  
Even at my best, I want to let go **_

"I love you and I don't care who the law says that you are currently married to. That doesn't matter to me. The knowledge that you would have chosen me, that you would have married me is enough. And I know you can't go around showing off the ring on your finger," Chuck pulled a white gold chain from his pocket and dangled it in front of her, "So I got you this, so that you could wear the ring around your neck until a time came when you could put it on your finger for real. So I'm asking you again, Blair Waldorf, will you marry me?"

This time she nodded her head, smiling as happy tears ran down her face.

Chucks face broke into a large smile and he closed the distance between them, kissing her. Breaking the kiss, he took the ring from the box before taking her hand once more; however before he could slide it on her finger, she pulled her hand away. "No, Chuck don't do that." He looked at her, eyes full of hurt and confusion. _Hadn't she just said yes?_ "I can't let you put that ring on my finger because once it goes on, I'm never going to be able to take it off. So when you see that ring on my finger you'll know, okay."

_**And you hold me in your arms  
When all that I can see  
Is my future in your hands **_

Chuck nodded and instead took the chain and slid the ring onto it before walking around behind Blair. She lifted her hair and he drew the chain over her neck. After he fastened the clasp, he kissed her on the neck. The kiss was so soft and gentle, Blair might not have felt it; but in fact it sent shivers through her body. She turned her head slightly so that she could see him. "I love you Chuck Bass."

Chuck smiled slightly, kissing her neck once more. "And I love you, Blair Waldorf."  
She turned slowly in his arms until she was facing him, where she placed a kiss directly on his mouth. She started off kissing him softly, running a hand up his arm and wrapping it around his neck until her fingers could tangle themselves in his hair.

_**And all that I can feel  
Is how long ever after is **_

Chuck returned the kiss with every fiber of his being. He would take Blair Waldorf any way that he could have her but when they were together like this, he felt like they were one person, one complete, whole person and that is the only time he ever truly felt that way. She was his other half, his better half and one day he was going to find a way to make sure that everyone knew that. He kissed her deeply, running a hand around to her back where he proceeded to trace down her spine.

Blair pulled away briefly, looking deeply into his hazel eyes and said words that she hadn't said to him since the night he told her that he loved her. "Make love to me Chuck."

_**When it's all that I can do  
To be with you, just to be with you **_

Chuck remembered the significance of those words, remembered how vulnerable they had both been the last time she had said them. By way of answer he leaned back in and kissed her. This time his tongue slid out of his mouth and probed into hers. Blair moaned into his mouth and he felt his pants tighten, not that he ever needed assistance in that area around her. He notice as Blair reached up and pulled off her headband, lying carefully on the table beside them without breaking their kiss. |

She continued kissing Chuck as she reached up and undid the clasp on the Erickson Beamon necklace lying it next to the headband on the table. Her earrings were the next to go and then it would have been time to take off the engagement ring but she chose otherwise. Instead she kicked her feet out of her shoes. Now she broke the kiss, taking a step back and giggling, she raised her arms above her hand.

_**In your wedding dress, to have and to hold  
And even at my best, I want to let go **_

Chuck smirked; he knew just what she wanted him to do. He stepped forward and unzipped her dress before reaching for the hem and pulling it over her head. As he completed the task, he couldn't help but admire his choice of undergarments for the evening. They suited her perfectly, not that it was possible for her to look bad in anything, especially anything this sparse. He looked her up and down with a gaze that could only be described as admiring.

Blair blushed under Chuck's appreciative stare. She took a step forward and slowly unbuttoned each of the buttons on his shirt, kissing his chest at each one she undid.

_**Thought I lost you  
Thought I lost you, I gave you away **_

Chuck simply stood there smiling as his fiancé took off his shirt. God he loved thinking that word. Once she had finished with his shirt she moved on to his pants which she made quick work of. As she stood back up, both of them now in their underwear, Chuck moved towards the bedside table but Blair reached out and grabbed his arm.

"We don't need protection. I'm on birth control." Blair saw the alarm in Chuck's eyes and sought immediately to amend her statement. "I got a prescription just in case Marcus reverts to his old self. I figure, better safe than sorry." Blair said shrugging and noticing the look on Chuck's face that meant he was about to do something devious.

_**Thought I lost you  
Been jealous of the moon for how it moves the waves **_

"In that case . . ." Chuck said bending down and scooping her up into his arms. Blair smiled and leaned up to kiss him as he carried her to the bed where he gently laid her down, climbing in on top of her. He held himself above her, balancing on his elbows as he kissed her more. As he moved his kisses from her mouth to her neck, to her breasts, he reached behind and unclasped her bra. He paused for a moment and placed a single kiss on her engagement ring before moving his attention back to her breasts. Chuck, knew all of Blair's weaknesses and had every intent of exploiting them this evening. With that thought he took one of her nipples in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the little nub until it rose to attention. He could feel Blair shudder under him as he moved his hand up to brush her neglected nipple.

Blair moaned, only Chuck really knew how to pleasure her, she thought as she reached down into his boxers with one hand. He shifted slightly to accommodate her as she began menstruations of her own. She slid her hand up and down his shaft until he started groaning.

_**In your wedding dress, to have and to hold  
Even at my best, I want to let go **_

"Waldorf, if you want me to last more than ten minutes you are going to have to stop that." Chuck said through clenched teeth, knowing that Blair's touch always made his stamina weaker.

Blair giggled but did as he asked. In return he began moving his kisses down her stomach until he reached her garters. He removed them and pulled her stockings down slowly, kissing each piece of newly exposed creamy thigh. He trailed kisses back up her thighs to remove her underwear, the last remaining partition between him and Blair. After removing them, he moved his mouth back up to her mound, finding her clit and flicking his tongue across. He heard Blair gasp and looked up at her from his position. He could tell that she was dangerously close to coming and as he ran his tongue along her slit he was rewarded by her moans.

_**And I want to be somebody else now  
And I want to thicken my skin  
And I want to wish it all, just wish it all away again, again, again **_

"Oh, God, Chuck." She exclaimed as she grabbed onto his head, wrapping her fingers in his hair. She pulled his head back up to her mouth, kissing him deeply before speaking, her voice out of breath from the orgasm she had just experienced. "I need you in me, now!"

Chuck, always a gentleman would never resist the request of his lady and positioned himself at her entrance. Slowly, he submerged himself inside her. She was tighter than he had remembered, not that Blair had ever been loose. He kissed her again, their moans and groans into each other's mouths only making the experience more erotic. As he pushed in to the hilt, Blair wrapped her lithe legs around his torso. He continued slowly moving in and out of her, wanting this moment, this feeling of being with her to last forever.

_**And I want to be somebody else  
And I want to be holding you in  
And I want to be missing you, love, missing you, love **_

Blair gasped as his movements quickened, knowing that he was nearing orgasm and surprisingly enough she was close again herself. As he moved within her, she felt all of the incredible love that she had for him mount. She remembered how amazing the sex had been before they had said their 'I love yous' but now it was even more incredible, now it meant so much, and making love to Chuck was really what the term said. It was as though this was the astounding product of the way they felt about each other. As she felt Chuck reach her special place, somewhere only he seemed to know the location, she began to gasp once more.

He knew he had found what he was looking for when Blair began gasping, so he quickened his pace further, drawing her into him. As he pushed all the way in one more time he felt her fingers claw at his back, before both of them exploded at the same time, releasing all of the passion they were holding inside. As he slid out of her, she moved to curl up against his body and he wrapped his arm tightly around her.

_**With all that I have left to give, to give, to give**_

Blair traced the hair along his chest. "I've missed you." She said quietly.

"I've missed you too." He said, placing a loving kiss on top of her curls, knowing that she was already asleep.

**

* * *

A/N: Sorry guys, I know I'm awful for taking so long. I seem to have difficulty writing fluff. Intrigue and angst come a little more naturally so all of this happy stuff tends to give me writers block :( However I hope that you enjoyed.**

**I put the links to the gifts on my profile because I couldn't begin to do them justice, and the song is Wedding Dress by Matt Nathanson. **

**Reviews are always appreciated darlings.**

**xoxo  
kate**


	41. Surprises for the New Year

**A/N: Sorry I know it took forever and it isn't very long but I'll make it up to you with the next chapter; I promise**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. The beginning probably deserves the rating M though because it is rather explicit. Don't say I didn't warn you :) **

**Shoutout to all my reviewers: EZ11, ana-12, tvrox12, CarolinaGirl21, broadwaybaby4205, damnthatmotherchucker, and deepsea!**

**I write for myself but I post for you guys :) so I'm glad you guys enjoy it.  
**

* * *

Blair giggled as she walked towards the door, walked being merely what she was trying to do as Chuck was down on his knees and had one arm around her waist and the other around her thighs, making every attempt to hold her back. "Chuck, you have to let go."

"No!" Looking and sounding no older than a child of five trying to keep his mom from leaving the house. He clutched Blair's legs tightly and shook his head back and forth.

Blair sighed and stopped trying to walk, realizing that that tactic was pointless. Instead, she reached down to his arms and began to work at detaching him. "I'm serious this time, we are already late." Blair said, trying to do as she said and keep a serious face. It was so difficult with the way that Chuck was acting at the moment. He was never like this, not even with her. She had never seen him so completely free and relaxed before Christmas.

Chuck tightened his grasp before obstinately uttering, "I don't want to." He didn't want to leave the sanctuary of their room, regardless of the fact that they had spent most of the last week there; doing things that Blair's father would likely force them to move back into separate bedrooms if he ever knew.

Chuck's grip was too strong for her, so she knew that the only way out of this was to reason with him. "Come on Chuck, do you want them to make us move back to the main house? We agreed one meal a day and if they were to make us move back, we could hardly carry on with the types of activities that we have been partaking in." Blair said turning her body and shooting Chuck a lascivious gaze that she was certain would make him realize that she was right, and stop acting like a child.

_How did she always know what he was thinking?_ Chuck thought to himself as he considered what she had said. Knowing that she spoke the truth, he nonetheless protested. "But we have to go to that dinner party there tonight, isn't that enough?"

Blair smiled knowingly. And because of this, she knew Chuck, he was worried. She was only going to be here for another five or so days and he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible; but even though she loved him and completely wanted to be with him, she knew that it wasn't fair to her father and Roman to lose herself in Chuck for the entirety of her stay. "Yes, but we promised them one family meal a day and that is a New Year's Eve Party."

Chuck sighed. Blair was right, as he had known from the beginning. He had been trying to convince her to stay in with him simply because he felt as though he was running out of time with her. Soon enough she would be leaving to go back to London, back to Marcus and he was no closer to finding a way out of this mess than he was at the wedding. His best suggestion was still for the two of them to empty their bank accounts and run as far and as fast as possible. He stood up, knowing there was no point in staying on his knees. As he did so, he ran his hands lightly up her sides, managing to lift her dress as he went.

"Chuck . . ." Blair spoke, the warning strong in her voice. If they didn't leave now for the house, they were in grave danger of missing lunch and her father would not be very happy with her if that was the case. So far, she and Chuck had managed to abide by the one meal a day rule but the rest of the time, they had spent sequestered away in their little love nest.

Chuck reached his hand around to the front where he grazed the front of her panties. Regardless of the fact that she was right, he still didn't want to leave. He looked over at the alarm clock. They had twenty minutes. That was plenty of time.

Blair moaned. Oh God, she wasn't going to be able to resist much longer and Chuck knew that a little too well. "No, Chuck, we ca . . .ca . . .can't." She said, her breath catching in her throat, causing her to stutter as Chuck's hand slid beneath the band of her underwear.

Chuck brought his mouth closer to her ear and whispered. "Come on Blair, we have at least a few minutes before we need to leave. You know it's what you want."

Blair could barely keep herself standing as it appeared that her knees had turned to jell-o. "Not enough time." She gasped as she felt on of Chuck's fingers enter her.

Chuck smirked; he knew that he had her. He quickly withdrew his hand before spinning her around in his arms and sliding back to his knees, pulling her La Perla's with him. "I can be quick." He said before placing his mouth in her most sensitive of areas.

"Chuck, that is so not fair." She gasped before a moan overtook her. She glanced at the clock, almost twenty minutes. "Oh, what the hell?" She said before grabbing Chuck and yanking him towards the bed.

* * *

Blair's silverware clinked lightly against her plate as she sat them down post taking a bite of the grilled chicken dish. Chuck's hand was inappropriately running up and down her thigh as she tried to concentrate on making conversation with her father, Roman, and Roland. A couple of times she had removed his hand but this time when she went to move it, she instead just held it, lacing her fingers through his. She spared Chuck a quick glance to see him smiling, before turning back to the conversation. "So, is there any word yet on when the phone lines will be back on?" Blair asked as Chuck traced circles on the back of her hand, with his thumb.

Harold couldn't stop smiling. He had never seen Blair so happy in her entire life. If he could he would do whatever it took to make all of her problems go away, especially the ones involving Marcus. That's what father's were supposed to do, right? But the most he could do would be to help them run and Blair didn't seem at all open to the idea. He sighed in frustration at her question though. Three days ago there had been an awful hail storm that had crashed all the phone lines, including the internet. They still had cell phone service but that only extended within the continent and it was minimal at best. "No, they said it should be fixed by tomorrow."

Blair beamed. "Well then I suppose it's a good thing that all of our guests RSVP'd weeks ago." Even though Chuck clearly wasn't, Blair was excited about the party tonight. She had help put everything together the past couple of days and she knew that everything would go off without a hitch. It had been a while since she had had the opportunity to put her party planning expertise to good use and she had enjoyed it. It had been a little annoying over the past couple of days that she couldn't talk to all of her friends back home though. Every since Christmas morning, they had all been talking over the web came ever day. Unfortunately because of the fallen phone lines she had been unable to get a hold of them.

Harold chuckled at his daughter. He didn't know where she had inherited her wit. He was a shrewd corporate lawyer but Blair had a witty retort for everything and he had never been able to keep up with her. "That it is." He said smiling.

Blair turned her attention to Roman, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. "Is everything alright Roman?" Blair asked sweetly, something that was definitely out of character for her. She liked Roman now, she really did, but she was rarely sweet to anyone. However, Roman looked a little dejected today. He looked up and shook his head slightly, so she probed again. "Come on, Roman, what is it?"

Roman opened his mouth, now all eyes were on him. He hadn't wanted to bring this up, especially not now. He knew that Blair loved Holidays and New Year's Eve was one of her favorites. But he spoke because they had asked. "It's just, you only have four more days here and I know that you can't just go home, but I do not understand why you won't run?"

Blair felt Chuck's hand tighten on hers as gazes shifted in her direction. "Oh." She said softly sitting back in her seat.

"I am sorry Blair, I did not mean to upset you; it's just been bothering me for the past couple of days." Roman started before seeing Blair shaking her head. At that he trailed off.

"No Roman, it's fine, I mean we do need to talk about it." Blair said with a small strained smile. "I can't run because if I run," She looked at Chuck. "If we run. We can never ever come back. Neither of us would ever be able to see New York again, we couldn't come here; we couldn't call and set up a place to meet everyone. Marcus would be furious and he wouldn't give up trying to find us until he did and with the recourses that are now under his command, I don't know that we could ever run far enough. And if he did find us, he would either completely cut me off from everyone, or he would have Chuck sent to jail for that bogus case he set up." She was close to tears simply at the thought of what she was saying. "And I won't take that risk."

Everyone was quiet until Roland unexpectedly spoke. "I think you should run Miss. Blair. I think you should run as far and fast as you have to, to stay away from Marcus."

Blair's eyes were wide as she spoke. "But Roland, you know Marcus, you know the lengths that he would go to, to track me down. And after he did, you know the kinds of things that he would do to punish us. I can't risk making the situation worse than it already is."

Harold and Roman exchanged a glance. They had talked about this before and they wished that Blair would consider running, but she was stubborn and if she refused to consider it, then they couldn't make her.

This time, it was Chuck who spoke, unexpectedly. He was looking directly into Blair's eyes. "I would run with you. Anywhere you are is enough for me."

"I know." Blair's only response was whispered back. After a couple minutes of looking into his eyes she spoke again, not loudly but not quite a whisper. "But I will not run."

Chuck nodded; he had of course already known her answer. So her rejection had not surprised him in the slightest.

The table was deathly quiet until everyone finished eating and left to go begin preparations for that evening.

* * *

Jenny glared at the person waiting on her as she stepped off the plane, as did Serena, Nate, Dan, and Eric in turn. She was more stressed out than she had been in her entire life. This was bad, really bad.

"It's nice to see you all again." Marcus said with a smile at he looked at Blair's friends. He had brought them to France to surprise her for New Year's Eve. He wanted desperately to please her and he knew how much she loved her friends. The only one whose presence he had not requested was Chuck's. That was one battle he didn't want to have to fight during his trip to France to visit Blair. He motioned for them to follow as he walked towards the cars that he had hired. "How have you all been?"

Jenny's eyes narrowed as she and the others followed Marcus out of the airport. There was no need to stop at baggage claim since they were only staying for a couple of days and had brought everything with them in their carry-on bags. "Cut the bullshit Marcus. Don't pretend like we don't know who you really are."

Marcus turned his head so that he could see her. "Really Jenny, you could be a little nicer."

"Yeah, and you could let my best friend come home." She crossed her arms over her chest, ready to get up in Marcus's face, should the time arise when it was necessary.

Marcus's eyes narrowed as well. "I've had about enough of your attitude. I invited you all here for Blair, not because I like your company. Now, if you will just cooperate, I'm sure the Holiday will go just fine."

Jenny's jaw was locked as Marcus turned and began walking once more. The rest of the little group walked up to her, telling her just to stand down for now. There was nothing that they could do for the moment. Nate took her hand and gave it a squeeze just as they were approaching the cars Marcus had hired.

Jenny immediately got in the car that Marcus did not, followed by Nate and Eric. Serena and Dan bit the bullet and rode with Marcus. As soon as she was in the car, Jenny got back out her phone and started dialing once more. They had all heard about the storm and the communication outage that it had caused in Southern France but this was getting ridiculous. She needed to get a hold of Blair, to warn her that Marcus was on his way. Otherwise she and Chuck were about to get caught.

* * *

Blair smiled as she mingled with the guests at the New Year's Eve party. This was the most at home she had felt in so long. She was in her element to say the least. She locked eyes with Chuck from across the room and diplomatically excused herself to go speak with him.

"You look beautiful." He said, handing Blair a glass of champagne.

Blair beamed, she was practically glowing. "You don't look so bad yourself Bass."

With that he leaned down and placed a light kiss on her neck. "You know I love you right?"

Blair looked up at him, an almost confused look present in her eyes. "Of course."

"Good." He virtually whispered. "And you love me?"

Blair tilted her head slightly. "You know I do." What Chuck was getting at, she had no idea. He seemed as though he was about to ask for something; a favor perhaps.

"Then run with me." He said the intensity of his eyes matched by that of his voice. He would give up everything for the girl standing in front of him; including his life, his world.

"Chuck what about . . ." Blair started, but Chuck didn't let her finish.

"Nothing else matters Blair. Everything else means nothing to me without you." Chuck said as he interrupted.

Blair breathed deeply. She didn't want to run. It was too dangerous. It was taking upon themselves unnecessary risks; risks that could be avoided.

Chuck saw Blair's hesitation and spoke once more. "Just promise me that you'll think about it?" He asked softly.

Blair nodded. "Okay." She softly before hugging him to her and whispering once more."Okay." In the distance, she heard the ringing of the telephone. "I'll be right back, I should answer that." She said, giving Chuck a quick peck on the lips. As she made her way towards the kitchen, Blair couldn't help but be distracted by Chuck's suggestion. Could they do it? Could they forget everything else and run? It distracted her so much that she didn't even think about the fact that the phones had been dead for days as she answered. "Hello, Waldorf Residence, this is Blair Waldorf speaking."

Jenny had to withhold a shriek as Blair answered the phone; it was about freaking time she got through and not a moment too soon since the cars were approaching the turn for the chateau according to Nate. "Blair it's Jenny, I don't have time to explain but you have to hide Chuck; hide him, get him out of there, do whatever you have to do!"

"Jenny?" Blair asked confused. "What are you talking about?" Blood was starting to pound in her veins; her body's physiologically reaction to a threat was already beginning.

Damn it, there wasn't time for explanations. "Marcus is on his way, he'll be there in less than five minutes. Hurry Blair . . . You have to hurry!"

But Blair didn't even hear the last part because she had already dropped the phone and started running.

**

* * *

A/N: So I hope you all enjoyed this update. I promise the next chapter will be longer; this just seemed like a good stopping place. I also promise that it won't take another two weeks next time. I want to update again by Thursday. **

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate**


	42. Run With Me

**A/N: Yay for a slightly longer chapter and a much quicker update! This chapter was pretty intense to write, especially the ending. Enjoy lovelies.  
**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Shoutout to all my reviewers:** ana-12, tvrox12, odyjha, ijk*, xoxogossipgirl4lifexoxo, EZ11, joliane, CarolinaGirl21, smartin555, broadwaybaby4205**, and** ggfanfic-fan  
**I write for me but I post for you guys, so it's great to know that you are enjoying it :)

* * *

She was moving as fast as her feet would carry her, out of the kitchen and into the guest filled entrance hall. She came to a sudden halt as she saw her father nearby. "Daddy, we have to find Chuck." She said as she hurried to him. Her voice conveying the urgency of the situation. "Marcus is on his way here, right now."

_**These streets  
Turn me inside out**_

Harold didn't ask his daughter why Marcus was coming or even how she knew this, he simply jumped into action. He reached out for Roman's arm as his lover was passing. "Roman, have you seen Chuck?"

Roman shook his head and looked between the petrified faces of the two Waldorf's in front of him. "No, but we'll find him."

And suddenly the three were combing the party, searching for Chuck, with little success. Blair looked back to where she had left him and came up empty once more. Everything was blurring together, the people, the voices, and Chuck was nowhere to be seen. _Damn it, where the hell had he gone?_ Thought Blair as she maneuvered in and around the party guests. A few tried to stop her to talk but she shrugged them off with apologies and assurances of later conversations.

_**Everything shines**_  
_**But leaves me empty still**_

Blair craned her neck to see over the crowd. _Why did she have to be so f'ing short? If only she were taller, she might see him._ Height became her new mission as she raced towards the stairs, climbing until she reached the first landing. This was perfect; she now had a view of the entire party. Below her she could see the party guests milling around, conversing with one another, and her father, Roman, and now Roland meandering through. But no matter how hard she looked, she couldn't spot Chuck.

The feeling of arms wrapping around her from behind, both startled and soothed her; it was Chuck.

"There you are, I was beginning to think you'd run off on me." Chuck said into her ear.

_**And I'll, burn this lonely house down**_  
_**If you run with me **_  
_**If you run with me**_

But Blair was only half listening as she wiggled out of his embrace and pulled him up the stairs.

"What's going on Blair?" Chuck asked, suddenly alarmed. He had seen the look in her eyes; it was one of a deer caught in headlights. Something had gone dreadfully wrong.

Blair didn't stop, she just keep walking, dragging Chuck behind her until they reached her old bedroom. "You wanted to run, let's go, right now!" She said flipping around to face Chuck.

_**I'll stay with you  
The walls will fall before we do**_

"Now?" Chuck asked anxiously, noting the distress in her voice. "As in right this minute?"

Blair ran to the closet, finding that thankfully some of her clothes had never been moved over. "Yes." She said getting to work on packing everything left in the closet into one of her suitcases that remained behind.

Chuck rushed over to her quickly, grabbing hold of one of her arms and turning her to face him. "Blair, tell me what's going on." He said calmly.

_**Take my hand now  
We'll run forever**_

Blair sighed, exasperated, couldn't he see that it was important that they go immediately. "Marcus, will be here any minute. Jenny just got through on the phone line. Now go to your room, pack whatever is left, and run with me. As soon as we are out of here, will contact Carter and get fake passports, we'll clean out our bank accounts and we'll hide. We will hide so far away from here that no one will ever find us."

It didn't take longer than five seconds but to each of them it felt like hours of looking into one another's eyes, of coming to the same unspoken conclusion. It was time to run.

_**I can feel the storm inside you  
I'll stay with you**_

* * *

Jenny turned to Nate and whispered so that the driver couldn't hear. "We need to buy them time, we are closing in on the house and I don't think Blair could have possibly gotten Chuck out. Any ideas?"

Nate just gave her a confused look. He was never good in these situations, Chuck and Blair were the plotters and after that Jenny was the only one halfway decent at lying, scheming, and manipulating.

Seeing that her boyfriend was indeed useless in these matters, Jenny turned to Eric. "How about you?"

Eric's eyebrows knit together instantly and within the minute he smiled. "Weren't you saying that you always get carsick after eating airplane food?" He said suggestively inclining his head.

Nate's confusion just increased. "What are you talking about Eric? Jenny doesn't get carsick."

With a quick look a Nate to silence the peanut gallery, Jenny turned her attention back to Eric. He was the smartest one of the bunch and they all knew it. "Eric you're a genius."

"I know." He said smiling. "Now do your thing."

As Jenny leaned toward the front seat to talk to the driver, Nate leaned over to Eric. "Man, what's she doing?"

"Stalling." Eric said, before leaning back. "Now let's just hope it's enough."

"Excuse me, sir." Jenny said, tapping on the driver's shoulder. When he turned his head she continued. "I'm not feeling so well, could you pull over." As luck would have it, they were in the front car so if she could just get him to pull over, it would at very least stall Marcus for a few minutes.

"We're almost there Miss." The driver said as he turned his head back towards the road.

Jenny wasn't taking no for an answer and kept tapping his shoulder. "I know, but I don't think I'm going to make it. I think I'm going to be sick all over these nice leather seats." She whined before making a gagging type of sound.

At the mention of the leather seats being ruined the driver jerked the car to the curb and Jenny opened the door.

_What the hell?_ Thought Marcus as the hired car in front jerked off the side of the road and his own car followed suit. "What's the meaning of this?" Marcus called out as the car came to a stop. The driver in the front seat shrugged. And Marcus glared bullets at him before swinging open his door.

Jenny saw Marcus approaching and knew that she was going to have to make this as real as possible so she slammed her fingers down her throat and relaxed her throat muscles. She ignored the burning painful sensation as all of the contents of her stomach began to empty into the grass. With one heave she was able to remove her fingers. She had always been a sympathetic puker and sight of vomit on the ground was enough to keep her throwing up. She quickly wiped her fingers on the grassy roadside to ensure that Marcus didn't see what she'd done.

"What's wrong with her?" Marcus asked approaching the vehicle. The girl was his least favorite of Blair's friends if one didn't take Chuck into consideration. She always seemed to be sticking her nose where it didn't belong and meddling.

Seeing as how Jenny was in no condition to answer and Nate would only muddle things up, Eric took point on this one. "Car sick." He said, forcing his voice to sound apologetic. "Airplane food and curvy French roads don't mix."

Marcus nodded curtly. "Well, tell her to hurry it up. I'm anxious to see Blair." As he walked back to his car and shut the door, he couldn't help but think about how true his first statement was. He was very anxious to see Blair. Anxious because had missed her terribly over the Holidays and anxious because he had a fear deep in his gut that there was something wrong. And if something was off with them, he was most certainly going to find out what it was.

_**

* * *

Fooled by my own desires  
I twist my fate**_

Chuck rushed back into the room, to see Blair quickly scribbling a note on a pad next to the dresser. "What are you writing?" He asked, not knowing what she could possibly say about their future actions. After all, in all actuality, this could be the last words she ever left to her father.

Blair looked up, tears were starting to fall down her cheeks, she wanted to be with Chuck but the price was so high. Unfortunately, she knew that it was a price that she was going to have to pay one way or the other. Either lose Chuck or lose everyone else that was important to her.

_**Just to feel you  
But you, turn me toward the light**_

Chuck moved over and pulled her to him. He knew that they didn't have much time but he couldn't stand to see her in this kind of pain; not ever. "We don't have another choice now." He whispered into her ear.

"I know." She quietly responded, handing him the note.

He read quickly over it, not taking more than a moment to glance at the words, knowing that they were pressed for time.

_**And you're one with me  
Will you run with me?**_

_Roman was right, I'm running.  
All my love,  
Blair_

Chuck nodded his head at the note, it sounded just like her. It was clear that she had left everything in the first person in the case that Marcus found the note first; it was best to avoid giving him the knowledge that Blair was with him. "We need to go." He said softly, knowing just leaving this room would cause her pain. She was leaving her past behind, leaving it behind for him.

_**I'll stay with you  
The walls will fall before we do**_

Blair looked wistfully around the room, this was likely the last time she would step foot inside these four walls. The last time she would be in her father and Roman's Chateau. The last time she would ever see them again. She inhaled deeply, stifling a sob in the process. "What if he finds us anyway? What if we give up everything and he still wins?"

Chuck wiped another tear from her cheek. "He won't, we'll run forever if we have to. He's not going to find us Blair; I swear to you." This was one promise that he was whole-heartedly committed to. No matter the cost, Marcus would never find them, never be able to hurt them again. He had done enough damaged already; Chuck refused to let him do any more.

_**Take my hand now  
We'll run forever**_

After seeing her nod ascent at his words, he motioned for her to follow. He knew that it had to have been longer than five minutes; Jenny or one of the others must be stalling, he thought as he took Blair's hand, leading her out of the room.

They descended the staircase and Blair squeezed his hand, but she stayed strong. They were doing this, they were running; they just had to get out before causing any real attention to be drawn to themselves.

_**I can feel the storm inside you  
I'll stay with you**_

As they walked through the throng of people Blair spotted Roland and they locked eyes. He nodded at her, letting her know that he understood and she smiled a small smile of thanks, knowing that Roland would lose his job over this.

Just as they were about to reach the door her father appeared by her side. "Blairbear?" He asked the question in his eyes answered by the sadness reflected in hers.

_**Now come in from this storm  
I taste you sweet and warm**_

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Goodbye Daddy. I love you." She tried to keep the tears from making a return appearance.

"I love you too Blairbear." He turned his head to Chuck, still holding her tightly. "Take good care of my daughter."

Chuck gave a slight nod and did his best to provide an encouraging smile. "Always."

At that Roman walked up. "Harold, you must let them go. Jenny's just called back; she's stalled as long as she can."

_**Take what you need  
Take what you need  
From me**_

With those words, the hugging ceased, kisses were blown, and Chuck and Blair were out the door. They rushed towards the car. Her father had given it to her for Christmas saying that she needed something to drive when visiting because they were so far out into the country. It had also proved useful for transporting them to and from the guest house.

As they started down the road Blair grabbed Chuck's hand, positioned on the clutch. "We need to stop by the guest house." She said, in a command rather than a question or even a statement.

_**Wake up this world  
Wake up tonight **_

Chuck looked at her incredulously but he could see the resolve seated firmly in Blair's eyes. Whatever she wanted from the guest house was important enough that she was willing to risk everything. As he looked at her strapless dress he noticed that there was no chain. "Blair, we can get another."

"No." She said resolutely. "There is no other." And that was the final word on the subject as Chuck accelerated quickly towards the guest house.

_**And run with me  
Run to me now**_

"Let's do this quickly." He said jumping out of the car and helping her out in turn. They didn't have time for hesitation, they didn't have time for mistakes; they had to do this as quickly as possible.

* * *

Harold answered the knock on the door already knowing who it was and was unsurprised to see Marcus standing in front of him. The surprise lay in the fact that Jenny, Dan, Serena, Nate, and Eric were just behind. He had known Jenny was with Marcus but had possessed no knowledge of the rest of the guests. "Hello everyone." He said in his best attempt at surprise. "Do come in. I know that Blair will be ecstatic to see you all." As he said this he looked at everyone other than Marcus, knowing full well that if he did look at the evil Prince, he would punch him in the face for what he was doing to his daughter.

"Where is Blair?" Marcus asked, stepping into the Chateau for the first time since the prior summer. It was full of people; the party looked simply enchanting.

Harold knew that he needed to stall as well; give them as much time as possible to make their escape. "I know she wasn't feeling well so if you can't find her down here I would try upstairs."

Marcus nodded and looked around the room, not spotting her chestnut curls anywhere. So he made his way up the stairs, remembering the way to Blair's room. When he reached it, the first thing he thought was that the room was a mess; very un-Blair-like. The second thing he noticed was the note.

What was the meaning of this? Why was Blair running and from what? At that he started back down the stairs. The part of him that had thought that something fishy was going on felt somehow validated as he returned to Blair's father, note in hand.

As soon as Marcus had left Jenny leaned over to Blair's Dad. "Did she get Chuck hidden?"

Harold shook his head. "They ran."

At that, Jenny smiled. Chuck and Blair would finally be together. Just as she had had the pleasant thought, Marcus reappeared brandishing a piece of paper.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked, swinging the paper in Harold's face.

That's when Harold realized that his daughter must have left him a note in case she didn't see him on her way out. He quickly read the note before making a nonchalant suggestion. "Well I believe that Blair has been a little tense the past couple of days. Roman suggested she take an evening run out to the guest house to clear her mind and spend the night out there. I suppose that she has taken him up on the suggestion." Harold said with a shrug.

Marcus glared at the man before him, not really believing the words that he was saying but hoping desperately that they were true. With that he stormed out of the house and walked over to one of the hired cars, still there waiting to unload the luggage and be paid. Marcus held out his hand. "KEYS. NOW!" He said barbarically and the driver didn't have the nerve to resist.

Soon enough, Marcus was taking the best short cut he knew out to the guest house, going at least 95 or 100 mph. He needed to know if Blair was there or not; he needed to know, right now.

* * *

Blair looked around the room quickly. She had already grabbed the ring and was looking desperately around to see if there was anything else that was necessary.

Suddenly Chuck appeared in the doorway. "Come on, we've got to get out of here, I saw car lights up at the house from the third floor." He had grabbed a few things to add to his bag and so had Blair but she still seemed to be looking around as though she was missing something.

Half-reluctantly Blair walked forward, thinking that perhaps she did have everything. Just as she reached the door and took Chuck's hand, she realized just what it was that she had forgotten; her Erickson Beamon jewelry.

Blair pulled herself from Chuck's hold and rushed toward the vanity, throwing open her jewelry box and snatching the necklace off its hook before opening the drawer and pulling out the matching earrings.

_**I'll stay with you  
The walls will fall before we do**_

"Just grab the whole box." Chuck said frustrated. They didn't have time for this when Marcus was so close to them. If they didn't get out now, they wouldn't make it.

Blair complied and grabbed the entire thing before joining Chuck at the doorway. They both took one last look at the room that they had shared before turning and exiting for the last time.

They flew through the hallway and went down the stairs as quickly as they could manage; free hand's clutching one another's tightly. Their breathing was accelerated. They were both feeling so many emotions running through their body; fear being chief amongst them, but accompanied by love, excitement, and trepidation.

_**Take my hand now  
We'll run forever**_

It was as they reached the bottom of the staircase that Blair spotted the rapidly approaching lights in the distance. "Chuck take this stuff, run upstairs and hide."

"No!" Chuck whisper-shouted. "We're getting out of here." With that he pulled her back up the stairs and they returned to their bedroom. Chuck ripped the sheet off their bed and made quick work of roping in and tying it to the window seal before flipping himself over. "I'll be waiting at the bottom and when he goes in the house, we'll get in the car and go."

Blair nodded; but as she did, she heard Marcus's voice downstairs; calling her name. Warning her that he was on his way upstairs. She looked back to Chuck, the look in her eyes telling him everything as he hung over the ledge. "Chuck, get out of here before he see's you."

"I'm not leaving you Blair." Chuck hissed reaching for her hand. "I love you."

_**I can feel the storm inside you  
I'll stay with you**_

She grabbed his outstretched hand and squeezed. "I love you too." Then suddenly she let go and moved towards the door. She heard Marcus's footsteps quickly approaching and knew that there was no possibility of them escaping, none at all. With that knowledge at the forefront of her mind, she opened the door and stepped into the hallway, shutting it behind her and moving towards the stairs, where Marcus was just reaching the top.

Chuck climbed back over the window seal. He could hear her in the hallway, hear her with _him_ and he wanted nothing more than to go and push Marcus down the stairs. He would have if he hadn't suddenly been assaulted by the weight of their failure. It was crashing in on him like a tidal wave, causing him to gasp for air. He reached for the closet door and slid inside; shutting the door behind him. He couldn't let himself get caught. But as he did shut the door, the pain completely overwhelmed him, causing him to collapse onto the floor with pain racking his body.

**

* * *

A/N: I know sad chapter :( Sorry about that. I still love you guys and I'm not trying to be mean, I swear. I only had a couple of choices over what to do and I seriously considered letting them run successfully but I plotted it out and that would have caused the story to end in only five chapters and I have some stuff written for later in the story that wouldn't have fit in anymore and it's good stuff. So bare with me here.  
**

**Song: Stay With You: The Goo Goo Dolls**

**Reviews are always appreciated :)**

**xoxo  
kate**


	43. And the Surprises Keep Comming

**A/N: I know it really has been forever. I give you all permission to be very angry with me. Anyways, here is the long overdue next chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

**Shoutout to all my reviewers: ana-12, odyjha, damnthatmotherchucker, EZ11, tvrox12, bomb7979, Butterflies In My Stomach, smartin555, LayRay, CarolinaGirl21, broadwaybaby4205, and bluestriker666**

**I write for me but I post for you guys, so it's great to know that you are enjoying it :)**

* * *

Blair plastered a smile on her face as she saw Marcus. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

Marcus felt thrilled simply by the sight of her. He was beginning to think that that she had run away on him and to see her again made him happier than he could have ever imagined. It was much better this way; after all the consequences that she would have received for running from him would not have been pleasant for her. "I thought you went for a run."

Blair quickly understood that her father had said that her note was about an actual run and bought straight into the story. "I did but I'm feeling so much better that I decided to get dressed and head back to the party. That's why I didn't answer immediately; I was not fully dressed."

Marcus was so relieved at her explanation that he didn't know what to say. "Oh well then perhaps we should head back."

"Yes definitely." Blair said a fake smile still on her face. Marcus was the perfect gentleman, opening her car door when they left and again when they arrived at the house; but it didn't change the fact that she was once again stuck in a relationship that she didn't want to be in. As they walked back in the door she could see everyone's faces fall and tried to give them reassuring smiles. "Oh my god guys!" She exclaimed in a high pitched girly voice, running over to her friends. "What are you doing here?"

Serena was the first to answer. She was so nervous about the entire situation. "Marcus flew us out here to surprise you."

Blair turned to Marcus and beamed. Even though she was angry as hell at him for appearing out of nowhere and making it so that she couldn't run, she had to admit that it was thoughtful of him. As she began her round of hugs she began to struggle to keep the smile in place and it somehow faded from genuine to fake even though she was hugging people that she truly cared about.

The first person she went to was Jenny, who hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.

Blair continued to smile but responded none-the-less. "I know and it's definitely not your fault. In case I don't get a chance to tell Daddy, let him know that he's in the guest house."

Jenny nodded; smiling as well. She was happy to see her best friend but she knew the cost for Blair.

After hugging Jenny, Blair moved on to Dan who was standing next to his sister. Dan immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Hey Cabbage Patch." She said, doing anything not to think about Chuck right now.

Dan smiled as he was supposed to do. "You know, I've missed hearing you say that."

Blair caught onto his game and smiled, playing along. "Of course you have Brooklyn. Anytime I speak to you it's a blessing."

At that Dan laughed and jokingly shoved her away. "Go greet everyone else. We need to talk later though because with you gone I had no one to talk to when it came to literature or other academic pursuits."

"Hey!" Eric said, sounding offended from his spot next to Dan; but Blair could clearly see that he wasn't as his face broke into a smile.

Blair immediately tousled his hair and there was actually a genuine smile on her face as she spoke to him. "You're the smartest of us all and you know it. That being said, you hate reading."

"I know." Eric said before hugging her tightly. "I've missed you Blair."

"You too E." Blair said squeezing him once more before looking next to him at his sister. "Hey S." Her voice was calmer now; not so fake, but not so energetic either.

Serena looked like she was about to cry. The girl who she still considered her best friend was standing in front of her and for once she shouldn't be. She tried to force the tears back as she hugged Blair. "B, I've missed you."

Blair looked at Serena from the corner of her eye as she hugged her; S was never a good actress so she was the most worried about her giving away what had transpired. "I missed you too; sooo much."

As they broke away Blair turned to face Nate, who immediately wrapped his big strong arms around her and Blair relaxed into them. Other than inside of Chuck's arms, Nate's were the safest and most comfortable place that she could think of.

"Hey there." He said softly into her hair. It was so strange. He had hugged Blair thousands of times but not once had she felt so broken.

"Hey." She mumbled into his chest. "I've missed you a lot Nate."

Nate rubbed her back gently. "You too Blair." He held her another moment before whispering in her ear. "Are you okay? Is there something I can do?"

Blair smiled. Nate was so cute when he was trying to be helpful. "Just distract me. Try to keep me smiling because it's really hard to fake it all the time."

"That I can do." Nate said with a reassuring smile before releasing her from his embrace.

Blair knew that she had to hug Marcus now. Most everyone at the party knew that she was married to him, plus she needed to stay in his good graces, things were so much easier when she was. So she walked over and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for bringing all my friends to see me as a surprise."

Marcus was the one who was surprised when Blair first hugged him. He hadn't really expected it and needless to say it pleased him. "You're welcome." He said, still holding her.

Blair couldn't help but think that it felt weird to be in Marcus's embrace for so long but he didn't seem to want to break and right now she couldn't care less, she was so dead to the world; so she allowed it to continue.

Marcus was even further surprised that she continued to hug him. It felt so good to have her in his arms that he didn't want to stop. "I did it because I want to make you happy Blair. I want you do be happy with me."

She knew that she couldn't say what she really wanted to say at that point. She had tried that route before and it did her no good; she wasn't going back there. So instead she nodded her head and with that he let her go.

Marcus looked at the clock above Blair's head before looking back down at her. "Less than one minute before the New Year Blair."

Blair looked behind her, seeing the digital clock that even counted seconds that they had installed for the party and sure enough it was under a minute. She knew that she was going to have to kiss Marcus when the clock struck midnight. She had resigned herself to that fact, the moment that Marcus found her at the guest house. So as everyone began to count down from 10 Blair readied herself.

"10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . . 7 . . . 6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . HAPPY NEW YEAR." Called the crowd.

Blair was ready to kiss Marcus but suddenly she was flipped around and kissing Nate.

Nate had known that Blair was going to have to kiss Marcus so at the last second he jerked her around and placed his lips on hers. After the acceptable amount of time had passed to be kissing one's ex, even on New Year's he passed her to Eric who he knew would follow suit.

At first Eric was hesitant but this was Blair, so he placed a light kiss on her lips before passing her to Dan.

Blair couldn't help but smile at her friends' effort as from Eric she was passed to Dan as everyone throughout the room continued with their rounds of kissing. She looked at Dan with raised eyebrows and he shrugged.

"What the hell." Dan said before pulling Blair's mouth to his. Surprised at the kiss which lasted almost as long as Blair's and Nate's kiss had. It was strange, it wasn't that Dan had really thought about kissing Blair before but the kiss wasn't what he expected. It was softer. When she pulled away he was almost disappointed.

Blair pulled back from Dan, knowing know that she had gotten out of any kind of long term kiss with Marcus and he would now have to be satisfied with just a quick one before everyone started singing Auld Lange Syne. So she turned to Marcus who was waiting rather patiently and placed a hand on his shoulder before giving him a kiss and pulling away as soon as the song started.

Marcus had been disappointed by Blair's friends' display of affection but he reminded himself that she was his wife and before long they would be back in England together and her friends would be on the other side of the ocean and was satisfied.

* * *

As the party continued, Jenny walked over to Harold and started talking about how wonderful the party was. After a moment, when she was positive that no one was paying attention to them, she mouthed, "Kitchen."

Harold nodded and followed immediately. He had known that it would have looked strange for Blair herself to talk to him for a great length when she had so many visitors; so he had been expecting one of Blair's friends to come talk to him with Blair's explanation for what had gone wrong.

As soon as they reached the kitchen, Jenny spun to face him. "Before you ask, I don't know how he caught up to them or any of the particulars. I think it's safe to assume that he didn't actually catch them though because he is in too good of a mood."

Harold nodded again. "I assumed as much. Where's Chuck? Did he leave?"

Jenny shook her head. "No he's in the guest house. Which means that Blair and Marcus are going to have to stay in the main house to avoid encounters."

"I'll have Roland get her stuff from the guest house and bring it over while the party is still going so that Marcus won't realize what's going on." Harold said, thinking quickly. Everything had to be done precisely so that Marcus wasn't tipped off.

"I'll go too. That way Roland will have a reason to be out there. Plus, you can just house, me, Serena, Eric, Chuck, Dan, and Nate out there right?" Jenny said, brainstorming as well.

Harold was surprised by all the ideas the young blonde was throwing. It was certainly different than dealing with Serena; in fact Jenny reminded him a lot of his own daughter. "Yes there are four bedrooms out there and I think five individual beds because one room is twin beds."

Jenny laughed. "I can think of two pairs who won't mind sharing." She said with a wink.

Harold just shook his head. "Crazy kids, I'll go get Roland and you two can head out." Harold said leaving the room.

Jenny followed but split from him when she saw everyone gathered together talking. "Hey guys, I'm beat. I think I'm going to head out to the guest house." She said with a yawn.

Blair immediately saw through the act but played along. "Really J? But I guess you have had a long day." She said hugging her. "I'll see you tomorrow. All of us girls can go shopping in the city!"

Jenny smiled as Roland appeared at her side. "Are you ready Miss?"

"Yes. Thanks for driving me." Jenny said to Roland before waving to everyone else and shooting a glare at Marcus.

As soon as they were outside, she hurried over to the car Roland appeared to have the keys to. "We've got to hurry," she said climbing in. "All of her stuff has to be back upstairs before she and Marcus go up. He can't know that she wasn't living in the main house or he'll get suspicious."

Roland just started driving and before Jenny knew it they were at the guest house. She practically ran from the car, inside. She needed to check on Chuck, he must be devastated. He wasn't downstairs so she jogged up the stairs yelling his name. "Chuck, where are you? CHUCK!"

Eventually she heard someone say from behind a closed door. "In here." And she knew that Chuck was in worse shape right now than he was when Blair first left. She opened the door finding him sitting on the bed amidst three packed bags. "I went ahead and got her things together. I figured someone would be by to get them soon enough." He spoke dejectedly.

Jenny didn't respond to his words, she simply walked over and hugged him. In fact she didn't say anything at all; there was nothing to say to make things better so she was just going to be there for him.

After some time, Chuck spoke. "We were going to run. We were going to get away from all of this crap."

"I know." Jenny said softly as Roland walked into the room. He nodded at Chuck before gesturing to the bags. "Is this all of it?"

Chuck nodded and Roland got the bags and left. As he did, Jenny turned back to Chuck, sitting down next to him on the bed. "Can I tell you something?" She asked timidly.

He looked at her with his ever discerning eyes and nodded. "Always."

Jenny bit her lip and opened her mouth once before closing it and opening it again. "I think I might be pregnant."

* * *

Blair was exhausted. The party was over and all of the guests who weren't now staying with them had gone home. Even the guests who were staying had headed out to the guest house and she and Marcus were heading upstairs. As she walked into her bedroom, she was surprised to see everything back in order and all of her stuff from the guest house back in the closest. Everyone had done well.

Immediately Blair got her night clothes and went to the bathroom to change. She was so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. She almost didn't get out a goodnight to Marcus before her head hit the pillow and she was out.

As soon as Marcus was certain that Blair was asleep, he got the pills out of his luggage. Of course he had wanted to see Blair, he had thought something was amiss, plus he missed her terribly, but on top of all of that, he needed to switch out the pills since it was the start of a new month.

It took some time but he finally found her new birth control pack and switched her pills for simply placebos. Doing so reminded him of the first day he had found her birth control pills. Upon doing so, his first thought was that if she was on birth control, she must be considering sleeping with him, which immediately made him happy. Then the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he would rather Blair not be on birth control when they slept together. Babies did special things to couples; they tied them together in a way that nothing else was capable of doing. So he started replacing her pills with placebo at the beginning of December.

When he finished the switch he was careful to put the birth control exactly where he had found them. He certainly didn't want Blair to realize what he was doing. That would ruin everything.

**

* * *

A/N: I'll have another update sometime around next Monday *hugs***

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo**

**kate **


	44. Sergio Enters Stage Left

**A/N: I know it really has been forever. I give you all permission to be very angry with me. Anyways, here is the long overdue next chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

**Shoutout to all my reviewers: smartin555, ana-12, odyjha, bomb7979, tvrox12, I Love Chair, bluestriker666, Danielle :), broadwaybaby2405, xoxogg4lifexoxo,**** CarolinaGirl21,**** EZ11, annablake, and LayRay. **You guys are so awesome.

**I write for me but I post for you guys, so it's great to know that you are enjoying it :)**

* * *

Blair woke up early on purpose. She wanted to be completely ready and downstairs before Marcus woke up. The less time she had to spend with him the better. So far it was working. When she left the bathroom completely ready to go for the day, Marcus was still asleep.

"Hey." She said quietly as she walked into the dining room where her father, Roman, and Roland were all seated.

Harold immediately stood and walked to her, hugging her tightly. "Sweetheart are you okay."

Blair continued speaking in a soft voice as though she didn't have the strength to talk any louder. "Yes, no, I don't know. I think I'm going to head out to the guest house to see everyone; then me, Serena, and Jenny are going shopping downtown."

"Okay." Harold said, taking a good hard look at her before releasing her. "Have a good day Blairbear." He knew that she must be anxious to get out to the guest house and see Chuck so he tried not to delay her.

Blair waved at the other two men before walking outside. She had called Jenny from the bathroom and she and Nate had driven Blair's car to come pick her up at the main house. "Hey guys." She said, hurrying over and hopping in the car.

"Morning Blair." Jenny said before turning the car around and driving back towards the guest house.

"How are you?" Nate asked, turning around in his seat so that he could see her. She looked as perfect as ever but he could see the sadness in her eyes.

Blair looked out the window before looking at Nate. "I'm dealing." She said, her voice the same tone that it had been all morning.

Jenny ran a hand through her hair as she drove. "Ugh, I just wish I could have gotten a hold of you sooner or stalled longer or something. I feel like it's my fault."

"Jenny, it's not your fault." Blair said automatically. For the first time all morning, her voice held some sort of emotion. "In fact if it wasn't for you we would have been caught red handed. Marcus would have walked in and found me and Chuck together and the shit would have really hit the fan."

At hearing Blair use the old saying, all three laughed even though the laughs were slightly affected. "How is he?" Blair asked, her voice returning to the soft one that she had been using all morning.

Jenny looked at Nate as though seeking help for what to say before looking at Blair in the rearview mirror and speaking. "Not good." She said her tone almost matching Blair's.

Blair nodded. After all, Jenny's response was exactly what she was expecting. So as soon as they reached the guest house, Blair had to hold back from sprinting from the car and into the house. Instead she exited the car and walked her normal brisk pace into the guest house.

Walking in the door, her eyes searched to meet his and instead only ran across those of Serena, Dan, and Eric. "Where's Chuck?" She asked, confused and more than a little worried that he had decided to leave.

"Upstairs." Eric said, pointing up as he did.

Blair simply nodded at everyone knowing that they would understand, before making her way up to Chuck. When she reached their room the door was shut. She didn't bother knocking; she knew that Chuck wouldn't care. Once she had a clear view of the room, she could see that Chuck was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from the door. As she took a step into the room, she heard him speak.

"Whoever you are, you can go. I'm fine I promise." Chuck really didn't want to be bothered right now. Sure they were his friends and he knew that they cared about him; but for at least a little while, he needed to be alone. He had lost Blair again.

Blair smiled a little; that was so Chuck. But when she spoke, all traces of a smile were once more gone from her voice. "That's funny because I'm not."

"Blair?" Chuck asked questioningly as he flipped around to see her standing just inside the door. "I wasn't sure I'd see you again." He said getting over the initial shock and standing, walking around the bed to face her.

"I know." Blair said quietly, before walking into his now open embrace.

Chuck lifted her chin and kissed her. It was a kiss like most others they shared. The passion was there but it was somehow sadder. As Chuck pulled back he whispered. "Where's Marcus?"

"Still sleeping, I think." Blair said, laying her head on his chest and holding him tightly.

At that Chuck shook her gently, excitement filling his voice. "We could run now Blair. Marcus is asleep, we have plenty of time. Let's go."

Blair's eyes widened as the prospect ran through her mind. "We could." She said quietly. This time with a hint of excitement present in her voice. "But what about everyone else? Marcus will blame them." Blair said, thinking aloud.

"They'll understand." Chuck replied, now really excited. He could feel the rush of hope once more and knew that it was dangerous if this didn't work.

Blair bit her lip before nodding. "Okay, let's do it. I know you left my jewelry here so that Marcus wouldn't see and that's all I need. So we can just grab that and go." She said, lacing her fingers through his.

Chuck smiled for the first time all day. "We've got to go now before something else goes wrong."

As though his very words brought it about, there was a knock on the downstairs door. Blair listened to see if she recognized the voice of whoever was there, she was really hopping it was her father, Roland, or Roman; but she couldn't discern a thing. After a moment Jenny called up. "Blair, it's for you."

Chuck began looking worried immediately. Already there was a kink in the new plan. "Don't go." He whispered.

Blair nodded and called in response. "I'm a little busy Jen. Can they come back later?" She hopped that her response sufficed.

"No Blair, I think you need to come down here." Jenny shouted back.

Blair sighed before calling back. "Okay. I'll be right down." She turned to Chuck, who looked extremely disheartened and whispered. "Don't worry, we'll find a way." Before kissing him quickly and leaving the room.

As she walked down the stairs, Blair spotted a large bald man in the main room. "Hi, can I help you?" She asked as she reached the bottom floor.

"Actually I am here for you." The man said unsmilingly. He saw the girl's confused face and continued. "Marcus needed Roland for the day, so he sent me to accompany you on your outing. I'm Sergio."

"Oh." Blair said softly. "Well we should be going anyway. I hope you don't mind watching us shop Sergio. Hopefully it won't be too boring." Sergio did not respond; he simply led the way out the door. Blair turned back to Nate and whispered, tell Chuck, before she, Jenny, and Serena headed out.

* * *

Marcus smiled as Blair walked into the house. He had a nice dinner planned for her and he thought that perhaps afterwards all of the pill switching that he had been doing would pay off. "Good afternoon darling. How was your shopping?"

Blair flashed him a patented Blair Waldorf smile. She had gotten so use to faking being happy over the years that it seemed natural. "Wonderful. It was nice to spend the day with the girls." Sergio was following her in with her shopping bags. When he turned to her she instructed him further. "If you could take them upstairs that would be perfect." Sergio just nodded. Causing Blair to turn back to Marcus, a question now on her mind. "Why is Sergio following me around?"

Marcus knew that she was going to be asking this eventually and he didn't want to say that he didn't trust Rolland but that was turning out to be the case. He was beginning to think that Blair and Roland were getting too close and should she heaven forbid decide to run, he wanted a body guard looking after her that would stop her not help her. "I need Roland with me right now, so Sergio is taking over for him for a while."

"Roland never followed me around like Sergio does." Blair said pouting. She could see right through Marcus and even though she really didn't want to get into an argument with him right now she needed him to have Sergio back off if she wanted another chance to run.

Marcus reached forward and brushed a hair of her face choosing not to think about the fact that she flinched at his touch. "I just want you to be safe. I couldn't handle it if something happened to you."

Blair had tried not to react to his touch, but she couldn't stop herself and now she was getting angry way more quickly than she should be. Usually she was much better at keeping her demeanor icy but right now she felt the extreme need to lash out. "Are you worried about something happening to me or about me doing something?" Blair asked her tone icy.

_Shit,_ Marcus thought to himself. Lately he lying to her had become bloody difficult. He cared too f'ing much. And right now, he had no idea what to say. "Baby, don't say things like that. You know I wouldn't do that."

Blair's eyes flashed. "Please tell me that you did not just call me baby." Her voice was raising decibels per second. "And we both know that that is exactly the type of thing that you would do Marcus." Suddenly, she let it all pour out. "I know exactly what you're doing Marcus. I can see right through you. I know that you don't really trust me. Roland and Sergio aren't body guards; they're prison guards. They are there to make sure I can't get away, right Marcus?"

Marcus just looked at her, unable to speak. She had hit the nail on the head and he had no defense. "Blair I . . ."

"Don't even try to deny it, you son-of-a-bitch." Blair said her face flushed with anger.

There was a time when Marcus would have lashed out in return but right now he just felt defeated. "I don't want to lose you." His voice gained strength. "I refuse to lose you. So I will do whatever I have to, to ensure that I don't."

Blair shook her head slightly. "Just when I think that you actually give a damn about me and what I actually want you show your true colors again Marcus." Blair remembers back to right before she left for France and is suddenly disgusted. "You know, when you told me that I could come spend Christmas here, for the first time I thought that I could maybe live with being married to you. I remember thinking that maybe just maybe, you had a heart and being married to you wouldn't be the end of the world." Even as she said the words, she realized the truth in them. Yes she was as in love with Chuck as ever but if Marcus was going to take a step back and let her have some freedom she would have dealt. Now she realized that it was all a well orchestrated scheme, only Roland had switched sides. "Any chance you had of me ever being happy or letting my guard down again was just blown." Blair said turning and walking away.

Marcus reached out and grabbed her arm. He couldn't believe this. How had everything gone downhill so quickly? "Blair, please, I didn't want that. I just wanted to make sure I didn't lose you."

Blair jerked her arm out of his. "I don't give a damn what you wanted Marcus." She resumed her advance towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Marcus called out, confused.

Blair flipped her head around. "The guest house and I swear to god that if you or Sergio follow me, you'll have to sedate me to get me to go anywhere with you and lock me up once we got there because I would resist you ever step of the way no matter what you threatened to do to me." As soon as she finished, she tore through the doorway, leaving Marcus standing there completely alone.

* * *

Chuck approached Jenny tentatively. Everyone else had gone out for dinner or something but of course he was stuck in the house and Jenny had offered to stay with him. Right now she was making them breakfast for dinner in the kitchen but he knew that they needed to have a serious conversation. "Can we talk a minute?" He asked his voice gruff.

"Sure, just let me finish the waffle mix." Jenny said slightly distracted. After a few moments she turned around. "What do you want to talk about?" She asked almost cheerfully.

Chuck's eyebrows rose. Was she really asking him what he wanted to talk to her about after what she had told him last night? "Jen, you could be pregnant."

"I don't want to talk about that." Jenny said dismissively as she wiped her hands on the apron she had donned and walked towards the sink.

Chuck stepped in front of her blocking her way. "I got that much when you fled the room the second you told me last night; but this isn't something that you can just wish away. If you're pregnant you need to know. Hell, if you're pregnant I need to know because I could be the father."

Jenny looked away. She didn't want to hear any of this. Ever since she had spilled the beans to Chuck, she had regretted it. But when he mentioned that he could be the father she couldn't help but look back at him. "I know. But Nate still can't know about what we did Chuck. So if I am pregnant I'm not . . ."

"Getting a paternity test." Chuck saw where she was going and filled in the blank. He couldn't help but think that the situation felt oddly familiar. Potentially pregnant girl plus a secret affair with Chuck, plus a clueless Nate. It was so similar to what he had gone through with Blair that he was thrown for a moment; but while in Blair's case he would have insisted on the paternity being known, in Jenny's he wouldn't. She and Nate deserved a chance at happy. "I don't blame you." He said quietly.

"So can we keep this between us for now?" Jenny asked. "I'll go get a test done when I get home but right now I just need some time. And if I'm pregnant, I'll decide what to do from there."

Chuck nodded, speaking tentatively. "If you don't want to have the baby and you don't want Nate to know; just tell me and I'll take care of it."

"Thanks." Jenny whispered before hugging Chuck.

They had just broken apart when Blair stormed into the room with a smile on her face. Instantly the all knew that she and Marcus had gotten into it and clearly she was the victor this time. "Hey guys, what's for dinner?" She asked, just as her phone rang. "Hold on one second." She said to her friends before answering. "What now Marcus?"

"Blair I know you said not to but Sergio is coming out there. I swear he won't come in and he won't bother you. He is just going to sit in his car and read or something." He asserted.

Blair hissed through her teeth. She had thought that Marcus would head her warning from before. To hear that he was already going against it pissed her off. "Seriously Marcus, did you think that I was kidding?"

He did his best to keep his voice firm and in control. "No of course not, but I really don't feel comfortable leaving you unattended, for your protection. Earlier it wasn't necessary because you were staying in the main house, as was Roland but I don't want to risk anything happening to you out there alone." He knew it was a weak defense; one that she had already torn down, but it was the best he had.

"Fine." Blair said angrily. "But he better not step one foot inside."

Marcus sighed relieved. "He won't."

Blair huffed in frustration. "Well if that's all . . ."

"Actually it isn't." Marcus interrupted. "I meant to tell you earlier but I didn't get the chance, we need to head back to London tomorrow."

Blair's eyes went wide in shock. "Why?"

"I wanted to stay longer but I have to go take care of something in Parliament the following morning." Marcus said truthfully.

Suddenly Blair was struck with an idea. "Fine, you go, Roland and I will stay on as planned."

Marcus hadn't quite been expecting this response. "Blair, no."

"Why not Marcus? What changed? You came to surprise me right? Well I've been effectively surprised. No need to cut my visit short in the meantime." Blair combated.

He knew that she was right so he relented. "Okay, but I need Roland. Sergio will stay with you."

Blair knew that that was one point that she was going to have to concede in order to get her way. "Deal but I'm staying through Saturday."

"Fine." Marcus relented. "I'll see you in the morning before I leave for the airport."

Blair had to stifle a laugh at Marcus's statement. "Oh no you won't. I'll see you when you get back to England."

"Blair . . ." Marcus started before Blair interrupted.

"It's not negotiable Marcus." Blair countered.

Marcus wanted to see her before leaving but he knew the type of mood that she was in right now and decided that the best way to get back on her good side was to relent. "Alright. Have a good rest of your vacation Blair."

"Thanks." She said before hanging up and turning back to her friends who were looking at her with confused faces. "Good news, Marcus is going home. Bad news, he is switching Roland out for creeper Sergio."

Chuck didn't know whether to be happy or sad. It was great that he would have more time with Blair, but at the same time, Sergio's presence would prevent any chance they had of running. So he simply walked to Blair and kissed her. "We will use the time we have well."

"Oh I know we will." Blair said with a smirk before smiling at Jenny. "How long are you guys staying for?"

Jenny smiled in return. "We'll be here until the Saturday so that should make a pretty good cover for the two of you to spend time together here."

Blair nodded as she walked into the kitchen pulling Chuck with her. Everything that Jenny was making smelled so good. "Okay, now what can I do to help?"

Chuck laughed aloud, wrapping his arms around her. "Blair, you don't know how to cook."

She looked at him skeptically. "Seems like there are still some things that you don't know about me Bass. I'll have you know I am an excellent cook. Dorota's been teaching me since I was little."

"Really?" Chuck asked with a raised eyebrow. He thought that Blair was showboating. "I'll believe it when I taste it."

"In that case," Jenny said interrupting their back and forth. "Do you think that you can manage the French Toast Blair?"

Blair smiled and picked up the spatula, winking at Chuck. "Most definitely. Watch and learn Chuck, watch and learn."

**

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A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this update. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo **

**kate **


	45. Girls and The Boys Who Love Them

**A/N: Yay Update!!! So anyways, this chapter is exploring the various relationships we have going on right now in the story and how they are currently feeling. The next chapter (it was originally one chapter but it got too long) will be a series of short conversations as the NJBC says good bye and gets ready to go home to NYC. Just a note, remember that this story started before season 2 and we didn't know how Chuck's mom died at that point and I said that she died of cancer when he was a kid. Hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

* * *

Serena tucked herself tightly against Dan's side, alerting Dan that there was something bothering her. It wasn't often that she was needy. "What's wrong?" He asked as he ran his fingers through her hair; his voice concerned.

"I'm worried about them." Serena said, her voice muffled slightly by Dan's chest. This was the closest that she had felt to him in a long time; they had certainly gone through a couple of rough patches, but their friends always seemed to pull them back together again. But tonight it wasn't them she was uncertain about; it was Chuck and Blair. The two of them would be separated again tomorrow afternoon and she wasn't sure that they would be able to handle being apart after having time together like they had.

Dan continued stroking her hair. "Me too. They've been through a lot. They deserve to be happy and they've never been given that chance."

Serena nodded almost imperceptibly. "I still don't understand how Chuck's going to get out of here undetected. They are leaving from the same airport and both planes are going to land in London Heathrow at the same time; where Chuck will transfer planes and Marcus will pick up Blair."

"I know, it worries me too." Dan said softly, speaking the truth. He really didn't know how Chuck was going to go unseen by both Sergio and Marcus. It was nearly impossible. "At least Harold had sense enough not to book them on the same flight to London because that really would have been undoable."

"Yeah." Serena said, tightening her hold on his chest.

Dan knew that there was more. Serena was holding onto him like a child would hold onto a parent when they were scared of a thunderstorm. He wasn't sure what to do at first; but then he realized what was wrong. "I'm going to miss her too."

Suddenly Serena was crying and she couldn't stop herself. She knew that her tears were soaking Dan's chest but she couldn't seem to stop.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay." He said soothingly. "It's okay to be upset. She was your best friend for years. If you weren't upset about leaving tomorrow, I would be more concerned."

Serena gave a small laugh. Only Dan would think to say that. "I love you." She said looking up; her eyes meeting his own. "And I can't begin to think what I would do if it was us."

In response, Dan leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Me either."

* * *

Blair looked over at Chuck from her place at the vanity. They had just gotten out of the shower together and she had a feeling that they would be resuming the activities that they had partaken in there in a few moments; but first she really wanted to talk to him. So as he walked towards her from where he was sitting on the bed she held up a hand. "Wait a second."

Chuck sat back down slightly confused but willing to listen to what Blair was going to say. He knew that this night was going to be just as difficult as the last night they were together before the wedding and he was more than willing to do whatever she wanted. After all, she was giving up her life and her friends once more to protect him.

"I'm not going to say this isn't hard for me to say because it is. I've thought about it for a long time and I know that it is the most selfish request that I have ever made." Blair said glancing towards her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't quite look into Chuck's eyes as she was about to say what was on her mind. She was going to ask him to give up everything for her without hesitation. He wouldn't really have time to consider the decision before he made it; the planes left tomorrow. "I was wondering if you would . . ."

But Blair didn't get to finish her sentence as Chuck interrupted. "Yes. Whatever you want, my answer is always yes."

Blair whipped her head around to look at him; she almost laughed but instead she sighed. "Chuck, you don't even know what I want yet. You can't just go around saying that to every request I make."

Chuck shrugged. "Sure I can. No matter what you wanted me to do I would do it. So I can actually say that my answer will always be yes." He actually thought that Blair had learned that by now. Her happiness was always more important to him than his own.

"This time might be different Chuck." Blair said slightly frustrated by the fact that Chuck was willing to commit to doing this when he hadn't even heard what she wanted. She didn't want him to feel obligated to do it if he didn't want to once he knew.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Fine Blair, tell me what you want and then I'll decide." He knew that it didn't really matter. There was nothing that he wouldn't give her.

Blair bit her lip and looked at him. "I was wondering if you would consider staying in London for a while. And before you say yes, I'm going to list the pros and the cons so don't interrupt." She said quickly as she continued talking. "If you did I think Roland would find a way for us to see each other. But that's the only good part. There is only a chance that we would get to see each other at all. Most of your time would have to be spent under the radar waiting around for me never knowing when I'd be able to see you. You would be leaving our friends, school; your family. Your dad would be furious and that could jeopardize all of the hard work you've put in to impress him . . ."

Blair looked as though she intended to keep talking so he raised his hand. "You don't have to continue trying to convince me not to do it. How about I think about it and let you know in the morning?"

Blair nodded. After all that's what she had wanted. She wanted for Chuck to really think about this decision and decide if he could do it; he would be giving up so much.

At Blair's acquiescence Chuck stood from the bed and walked over. "But for the time being I would like to use the time we have together, if that's all right with you."

Blair's answer was clear as she pulled him to her for a kiss. She wanted him to say yes, to come to London but she also knew that it was the most selfish request that she had ever made. She was asking him to give up having any kind of a life just to be a small part of hers. So if this was their last time together for a while she was going to make every moment worth it.

* * *

Nate looked down at Jenny, curled tightly in his arms. It felt as though she was holding him like he thought Blair was probably holding Chuck right now; as though she was afraid that at any moment he might disappear. It scared him because it led him to believe that there was something wrong. "Is everything okay Jen?" He asked softly. His greatest fear was that he had hurt her in some way. He couldn't handle doing that to her, not again.

"Yeah." She answered quietly as she looked up at Nate. The guilt over what she had done and the fact that she might be pregnant had been eating away at her over the past week. Nate had been the perfect boyfriend ever since they had had their big blowout. They hadn't had a single problem since; but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew what she had done. Maybe he was still in love with Blair, maybe he wasn't. It didn't matter because he hadn't acted on it. She didn't even love Chuck like that, yet she had slept with him simply because she was upset and drunk. She had slept with her boyfriend's best friend and that was inexcusable; after all, she was the one who had crucified Blair for doing the same thing. Only what she had done was worse than what Blair had done. Not only was Chuck her boyfriend's best friend, he was her best friend's boyfriend.

Jenny could tell that Nate knew there was something bothering her and there was a large part of her that wanted to tell him so that she didn't feel guilty anymore because the fact was there was no more running from it; she might be pregnant. Not only did she want to tell Nate and get it off her chest, she knew that she should tell Nate, he deserved to know. She knew that if he knew that she was pregnant he would do the right thing but it was so dishonest of her to let him believe that she was pregnant with his child when that might not even be the truth. She opened her mouth about to correct herself and tell him just what was wrong with her; at very least she needed to tell him that she might be pregnant, the rest could wait for later or possibly he never had to know about the rest. That was the other part of her, the part that was screaming that everything could be just fine. She might not even be pregnant and if she was she could always let Chuck take care of things. Then she simply said "Yeah, I'm fine." Repeating herself because the second part of herself had won out.

* * *

Blair was still breathing heavily as Chuck rolled off of her. He was still next to her, propped up on his side as she rolled over and placed her hand gently on his face. She rolled to face him, propping herself up as well. Blair leaned her forehead against his before uttering one word, a word that she knew would make him do what she had asked him to do before. "Please." She said as she leaned her body into his, molding hers to fit the contours of his own and snuggling tightly in his embrace.

Chuck automatically wrapped his arms around her as she fitted herself to him. He could tell how scared she was of losing him again. Along with that, he couldn't help but be thankful that she had given him an option in his decision. He always would want to be where she was but she had shown that she knew just how hard this would be for him, just what he would be giving up if he chose to do what she requested of him. As much as he respected her for it, he also knew how disappointed in him his father would be if he gave up everything for a girl. "It's okay." He said as he held her to him and felt as hot tears started to trickle from her eyes. "Everything's going to be okay." He whispered lowly.

Chuck was saying all the right things but it didn't seem to help, she only cried harder. "I'm sorry for what I asked." She whispered.

"Don't be." Chuck said as he rubbed her back. He thought of something that perhaps would soothe Blair and lowly began to sing.

_**Hush now baby don't you cry  
Rest your wings my butterfly  
Peace will come to you in time  
And I will sing this lullaby **_

Blair felt herself relaxing into Chuck's voice. He hadn't sung to her since she had arrived and his voice was truly calming. Somehow it, along with the words that he was singing told her what his words had been unable to do; everything was going to be okay. Even if he didn't come to London to try to be with her, they would survive this.

_**Know though I must leave, my child  
That I would stay here by your side  
And if you wake and I am gone  
Remember this sweet lullaby **_

As Chuck sang to her quietly, he could feel the tension leaving Blair's body and the tears slowed but did not stop. He continued to sing, doing his best to comfort her with a lullaby that his mother had sung to him when he was a child.

_**And all love through darkness  
Don't you ever stop believing  
With love alone  
With love you'll find your way  
My love **_

Blair could feel herself beginning to fall asleep but as she did she began to shake. She wasn't sure why it happened but she couldn't make it stop.

Chuck immediately noticed Blair shaking against him and was worried. What if everything wasn't really going to be okay? Was it possible that she had really had so much that she couldn't handle any more? He really didn't want to be away from her, but could he really relocate to a city where he would have to stay locked in an apartment all day?

_**The world has turned the day to dark  
I leave this night with heavy heart  
When I return to dry your eyes  
I will sing this lullaby **_

Blair's last thought as she fell asleep was that in his lullaby Chuck said that he would return to dry her eyes. At least she had that; at least she knew he would still be there in the morning, even if he couldn't be there forever.

_**Yes I will sing this lullaby  
Oooooohhh**_

As Blair's breathing slowed and her shaking ceased Chuck sighed with relief. He hated that she was so upset tonight. He was sad too but she seemed to be having a breakdown. He looked down at her sleeping form nestled tightly against him and knew that he couldn't leave her. No matter where she was he would follow her, no matter what that meant for him. He loved her and he would give up everything for even the smallest chance at being with her. She needed him and Chuck refused to fail her this time.

**

* * *

A/N: I know the formatting was a little different; I hope you still liked it (the next chapter is even more different). The song was Lullaby by Josh Groban (but the UNC Clef Hangers [Anoop Desai sang with them in college] do an awesome arrangement of it)**

**Reviews are always appreciated,**

**xoxo  
kate**


	46. So Who Do I Tell Goodbye?

**A/N: Okay so it's been a while and I am so sorry, you have permission to hate me, lol. Anyways yay update. One side note, this is a similar format to the last chapter just based more on friendships than relationships. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** ana-12, bluestriker666, tvrox12, CarolinaGirl21, and broadwaybaby4205.**

* * *

"Where is everyone?" Serena asked walking into the kitchen early Saturday morning. Only Nate was sitting at the kitchen table and the two of them were never the first ones up.

Nate turned to Serena, coffee in hand. "Jenny's in the shower. Where's Dan?"

Serena laughed, "He just started packing. I decided that I needed to get some coffee so I left him there. And Eric stopped by saying something about packing as well. So the only ones unaccounted for are Chuck and Blair."

Nate grinned. "Oh I think they're accounted for."

Serena cocked her head; she didn't get Nate's implication. "I'm not sure I'm following."

This time Nate raised his eyebrows. "What would you be doing if you were about to be separated from Dan for who knows how long?"

"Oh." Serena said, comprehension dawning on her. Of course that's where Chuck and Blair were they were probably in the middle of some extremely explicit activities at the moment.

* * *

Blair tried not to cry as she looked at a sleeping Chuck. They had stayed up for most of the night, making the most of their time together and he was clearly exhausted; apparently so much so much so that he had slept through her singing in the shower. She didn't mind; he needed his rest and she had people that she needed to talk to.

As soon as she was dressed, she walked out of her room and down the hall, thinking that it would be the easiest to start with Serena. As she walked in the open doorway to her and Dan's room she realized that Serena wasn't there, Dan was. It didn't really matter; she wanted to talk to him too.

When she walked into the doorway she propped herself up against the side wall. "Hey." She said lightly, trying to draw his attention from his meticulous packing.

"Hey." Dan spoke, immediately dropping the clothes that he had been folding. "How are you this morning?"

Blair shrugged slightly. "Terrified. It's almost as bad as it was the first time."

Dan exhaled. "I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

"You guys already do everything I could possibly ask." Blair said in response. "But I did want to ask you about something . . ." She said trailing off.

"Go ahead." Dan replied as he turned, giving Blair his full attention. Whatever questions she had, he'd be glad to answer if he could. He now counted her amongst his best friends and it was hard having her so far away all the time.

Blair grinned impishly. "It's about that kiss."

Dan couldn't help but look away. He had hoped that she hadn't noticed the kiss the way he had; he hoped that it had been only him who felt sparks. Things like this just complicated everything. It was the perfect example of why friends shouldn't kiss other friends. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be." Blair replied quickly. "There's nothing to be sorry about, I was simply curious."

Dan nodded. "It wasn't what I was expecting."

Blair smiled. "Me neither. Who would have guessed, Cabbage Patch is a good kisser?"

Dan couldn't help but laugh. "Not you apparently."

Blair was laughing as well; Dan tended to have that effect on her. "It was interesting though. I was caught a little off guard."

"You're not so bad yourself, Waldorf." Dan said with a smile.

Blair grinned in return. "I just wanted to stop by and make sure that everything with us is still cool; that nothing had changed because of that kiss." She spoke, almost nervously.

Dan nodded furiously, "Of course we're still cool. It was just something different and unexpected. No worries about outside attachments, we're both very much in love with other people."

"Good, I'm glad we're in agreement there." Blair said all nervousness gone as Dan reassured her that his overall feelings for her hadn't changed as a result of their kiss on New Year's; regardless of the fact that both of them had sensed a potential there that neither of them would have ever guessed at before.

Dan walked over and hugged her. He was glad that she had noticed the spark too, but he was even gladder that they both agreed that their lives were plenty complicated and they were both very attached to other people. "Now that that's settled, what do you say we go downstairs for some breakfast?"

* * *

Chuck walked into Jenny's room without knocking on the door. He could hear Nate's voice downstairs and Jenny certainly didn't have anything he hadn't seen before. He was unsurprised to find Jenny wrapped in a towel; he had thought that he heard the shower running. "Morning." He said assuredly.

"Knock much?" She replied sighing as Chuck shrugged. She knew there was no point in that sort of thing with him; Chuck Bass did what he wanted when he wanted. "What do you want this morning Chuck? I already told you I'm not telling Nate so you don't have to worry about Blair finding out."

Chuck sat down on the bed. "Actually, I'm here to tell you that I think that you should tell Nate; I think you should tell him everything."

Jenny was taken aback. She had just become content with her last decision; she didn't want to be confused again. "No Chuck, I won't do it. I refuse to screw things up with Nate; especially since I don't even know if I'm pregnant or not yet."

"He deserves to know. We did it and we have to deal with the consequences." Chuck said crossing his arms. "That being said, I want a paternity test."

Jenny glared at him and bit out. "Are you telling me that you want me to be having your kid Chuck?"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Of course not, but if you are and you never get a test or anything, it's not fair to Nate, I can't do that to him." He had thought about this long and hard and he knew that he couldn't do this to his best friend, not again.

"Is that an ultimatum?" Jenny asked jerking her head up from her packing. Chuck didn't say anything and she knew that meant that she had been right. "So either I tell Nate or you do?"

Chuck nodded. "I won't keep this from them anymore Jenny."

She ran a hand through her still wet hair, muttering under her breath. "I can't believe this." Then she turned to Chuck. "Can I at least wait until I know for sure before I tell him? If I'm not pregnant and he doesn't have to know about that part it would be better."

Chuck nodded once more. She was right; the pregnancy thing would probably freak Nate out more than the fact that they slept together. "I'm going on downstairs okay?"

Jenny just sighed and turned away as Chuck left the room. What the hell was she going to do now?

* * *

Blair walked into the kitchen expecting to find Serena; after all she hadn't been in her room so more than likely that's where she was. She felt as though she had yet to have the opportunity to spend much time with the friend that had always been so much a part of her life. However, instead of finding Serena there, she found Nate.

"Up for air?" Nate asked without thinking. It was something he would have normally said to Chuck or Blair but he had forgotten the context with which they were currently in. So instead of making Blair smirk indignantly, he watched her face fall. "God Blair I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." He said, standing from his seat at the table and quickly walking over to her where she had managed to sit down. One look would have told anyone that she was about to cry, so for Nate, someone who knew her so well it was like a flashing sign screaming 'tears ahead, tears ahead.'

Blair hadn't meant to lose it; losing it just wasn't something that she did. But when Nate had made his comment, she fell apart. This was too much for any one girl to handle. She felt Nate's arms wrap around her and relaxed immediately into his hold. It felt so good, so comfortable to just be held by someone who knew her so well. Nate had been such a big part of her life for so long that now that they weren't together it was so easy to just be around him. After a few minutes she whispered. "I'm sorry for falling apart on you."

"It's my fault." He said brushing the hair off her face. "You've got every right to be upset."

Blair nodded a little. He always knew just what to say to make her feel better. "I'm still sorry you know?" She said softly.

"I know." He said gently as he rubbed her back. "You know it's not the same without you back home."

Blair bit her lip to keep the tears from falling again. After a moment she managed to get out a reply that to anyone else's ears would have seemed repetitive but Nate understood. "I know."

* * *

Jenny was packing once more when Dan walked in the doorway. He knocked on the doorframe so that she would know that he was there. "Hey Jen." He spoke as she looked up.

"Hi." She said, still distracted by thoughts of what Chuck had said. She didn't know what she was going to do and she needed help. Lately, of all of the group, she and Dan hadn't been that close, even though he was her own brother. She really missed him in times like these. "What's up?" She asked, avoiding any discussion of herself.

Dan shrugged as he walked into the room. "Not much. I was just stopping by to check on you to see how you were doing. I know this has to be hard for you."

Jenny looked up startled. What was Dan talking about? Did he know? Had Chuck told him? "What?" She asked, trying to hide the worry in her eyes.

Seeing that Jenny was freaking out, he immediately elaborated. "You know, I just figured you would be upset that you had to be away from Blair again." But he could tell that there was something that she was hiding by her first response.

Comprehension dawned on Jenny. Of course that's what Dan meant; he had no idea that she might be pregnant. Something that she found herself wishing that he did know. And somehow she found herself wanting to tell him.

Dan was surprised when Jenny suddenly launched herself into his arms. It was unexpected to say the least but he still wrapped his arms around her. It was a nice change from how things had been between them recently. Being so absorbed within the group they had kind of lost touch with each other. "Are you okay?" He asked as he rubbed her back.

"Not really." Jenny said pausing. "I need to tell you something."

"You know you can tell me anything." Dan replied as he continued to hold his little sister.

Jenny took a deep breath before speaking. "I think I might be pregnant." There she had said it, he knew.

Dan was taken aback. No wonder Jenny had been so skittish and jumpy lately. "Does Nate know?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

Jenny shook her head.

"You have to tell him Jen." Dan said, speaking gently.

Jenny inhaled again, ready to tell Dan the worst part. Pregnancy was one thing, cheating was another. "It might not be his."

Dan knew that his body had immediately frozen. He stopped rubbing her back and stood completely still. Shock radiated through him, Jenny had slept with someone other than Nate? He thought that it was Nate he had to worry about, not Jenny. "Who's?" He asked softly.

"Chuck." It was all Jenny could manage to say at the moment. She hoped Dan understood, hoped that he would still be the big brother he had always been and help her through this.

Dan took a step back to look at his sister. He needed to be sure that she wasn't just kidding around with him. Upon seeing her distraught face he knew that what she was telling him was true. "When?"

"Right after Nate said that Blair was the love of his life. Chuck and I spent the day hanging out before getting really drunk and sleeping together." Jenny said in explanation.

Dan nodded slightly, he remembered that day well. Jenny had been devastated and Chuck was a mess over Blair. The result was surprisingly unsurprising. One way or the other she was still his sister. After a moment Dan opened his arms allowing Jenny to come back into his hold. "We'll figure this out. You aren't in this alone, I swear."

* * *

Chuck didn't know what to do. He didn't like the way that Jenny was handling her situation at the moment but there was nothing that he could do about it unless he forced the issue and told everyone. It didn't take him long to decide that he needed some advice.

Normally, his first pick would have been Blair. Throughout his life she was his partner in crime, his confidant, and now his soul mate no matter how cheesy that sounded in his head. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk to Blair about this, because it directly involved her. Talking to Blair would be spilling the beans.

His next choice would be Nate; his supposed best friend. However, Nate was off limits for the same reason Blair was. The last time a situation like this had happened; Chuck had been afraid for his life. He would destroy a friendship with Nate over Blair but this was a different situation entirely. He definitely couldn't go to Nate.

Jenny would be his next choice and clearly that wasn't working out. There was also her brother Dan but he wasn't going to Humphrey for anything like this. Plus, he would automatically take his sister's side.

These left him with two options Serena and Eric. He and Eric were close but it was possible that Serena would be the better choice; Jenny and Eric were still tight. At that thought he set out to find Serena, which didn't take him long since she was hanging out in her room; seemingly finished packing. "Hello sister." He said walking in with crossed arms.

"Hey." Serena said with a small smile; not even bothering to tell him not to call her sister. This day was hard enough for him; she didn't need to make it worse.

Chuck was nothing if not direct so he cut strait to the point. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

Serena was instantly worried. If Chuck was coming to her then it was important; they weren't that close. "What is it? Is something wrong with Blair?"

"No." Chuck said shaking his head. "I need your word that you won't tell anyone what I'm about to say."

Serena shot Chuck a look that said that he didn't have to worry about that and he continued. "Jenny and I slept together right after Blair left."

Serena's mouth fell open in shock but Chuck continued before she could stop him. "And there's a good chance she's pregnant."

"Oh my God." Serena almost whispered. "What are you guys going to do?"

Chuck ran a hand over his head. "I told her I would support her in whatever she chose but today I told her that she couldn't pretend like this was Nate's kid if it wasn't, it isn't fair to Nate."

Serena nodded. "You're right. You guys are going to have to tell him." She had never seen this coming. Jenny and Chuck, Chuck and Jenny, it grossed her out just thinking about it. Suddenly, Blair came to mind. "Oh my God, does Blair know?"

Chuck shook his head. "No. I think she knows that I was with someone right after she left but she doesn't know that it's Jenny. I think Blair would handle it fairly well anyway, I'm more worried about Nate, who Jenny is refusing to tell."

"She may hang out with seniors but she's a sophomore in high school Chuck, what do you expect?" Serena said emphatically.

Chuck nodded. "Will you talk to her for me? Try to get her to understand that we can't keep pretending like nothing happened. At very least look out for her; almost all of her friends are guys remember."

Serena looked away. "I can try to talk to her but I don't know how receptive she'll be to advice. But no matter what I'll look after her." She couldn't imagine what she would do if this was her. Suddenly she turned back to Chuck. "You know, Blair acted the same way during the pregnancy scare last year. She just wanted to pretend that everything was perfect and nothing had happened."

"I don't think she would be like that now." Chuck said almost reverently. He couldn't help but think about how far the two of them had come. It didn't feel like they were seniors in high school, it felt like they were adults who had dealt with entirely too many struggles.

"Neither do I." Serena replied, her voice soft. "Neither do I."

As Chuck left Serena's room, he went straight up to Eric's. He needed more advice on a different topic of interest. Now that he was certain that there would be someone looking after Jenny should he choose to stay; he needed council on whether or not he would indeed stay in London for Blair.

"Hey little man." He spoke as he walked into Eric's room. Ironically, Eric was the only one without a roommate for the trip as he was the only one here without a significant other.

Eric looked up, giving Chuck a rather sad smile. "Hey, how are you?" He asked concern evident in his voice.

Chuck shrugged. "As well as can be expected." Chuck noticed that Eric was looking at him a little oddly and averted his gaze.

As Eric spoke to Chuck he became curious. Something was troubling him more so than usual. "Spill."

Chuck couldn't help but smirk. Eric was so discerning. Chuck had only been in the room for a few moments and already Eric knew that there was something bothering him past the obvious. "Blair asked me to move to London. She thinks with the help of Roland that we would be able to see each other." Chuck said as he sat down next to Eric on the bed.

"Oh." Eric said. He knew his face must have blanched. That had not been what he had expected to hear. He had been expecting to be told about the Chuck slept with Jenny and now she might be pregnant drama that everyone thought he didn't know about. He was still a younger sibling and still did a lot of ease dropping. He had been listening in on Chuck and Jenny's argument this morning and had immediately assumed that Chuck was coming to talk to him about that. This had been a curve ball. "And what about Jenny?" He asked almost without thinking.

Chuck answered automatically. "I've done everything I can for her and Serena promised she would . . ." Suddenly, Chuck's head snapped to face Eric. "How did you know about Jenny?"

Eric shook his head. "You guys were so loud that I could hear you through the air vents." Seeing that Chuck looking both shocked and alarmed Eric was quick to clarify. "Don't worry no one else would have been able to hear but you are right next to me so . . ." Eric finished trailing off.

Chuck exhaled. It was okay if Eric knew, he was simply concerned about the possibility of Nate or Blair finding out the wrong way.

Eric noticed that Chuck didn't have much to say so he continued. "I think you're doing the right thing there, encouraging Jenny to tell Nate; but ultimately it's got to be her decision." Chuck nodded and Eric continued speaking; Chuck had come to him for a reason and it clearly wasn't about Jenny. "As for Blair asking you to move to London, that's big."

Chuck ran a hand through his hair. "It's not just big, it's huge. I don't really see how I can. I would be leaving behind all of my responsibilities, my father would be furious. I would be spending all day locked away in an apartment and it's possible that I would never get to see her."

Eric knew the answer to Chuck's problem but he couldn't simply tell Chuck what to do; just like Chuck couldn't tell Jenny what to do. Instead he spoke in a way that he knew would hit home for Chuck. "Would Blair do it for you?" He asked in his most mature voice.

It didn't take five seconds for Chuck to comprehend just what Eric was saying. "She already did." He replied softly, almost to himself.

"I think that's your answer." Eric said in return.

Chuck pulled Eric into a hug. "Thanks little man."

Eric smiled sadly. "Anytime Chuck." He knew that this would mean that he would be seeing a lot less of Chuck but at the same time he knew that it was the right thing to do, for Chuck and Blair.

* * *

Blair was sitting on the front porch, watching as the sun continued it's upwards ascent over the vineyard; it was so beautiful that she was able to forget that within an hour, all of her friends, would be heading home and Chuck would be going with them. She barely heard the crack of the porch doors as someone was apparently joining her. She turned around to see not just one person, but two; Jenny and Serena were both walking towards her, wearing the same sad smile that everyone else had plastered on their face all morning. "Hey guys." She spoke softly before turning back towards the view.

Serena and Jenny took seats on either side of her; neither saying a word. They simply sat and took in the view with Blair. So many words were spoken without any of them opening their mouths. They were going to be there for Blair no matter what, she was still their best friend no matter which continent she lived on. After what could have been hours but was likely only minutes Blair spoke. "I miss you guys."

In response both girls reached over and took one of her hands. Once more they found that words were unnecessary. It was some time later that Jenny seemed to snap. "Then don't go back." She said quietly as though the thought was just dawning on her.

Blair and Serena both looked at her in awe, not quite sure that they had heard her correctly. "What did you just say?" Serena asked certain that she had misheard.

"I said, don't go back." Jenny repeated. "You don't love Marcus, you shouldn't have to stay married to someone you don't love. I mean what's he going to do to stop you now? If you make the break up really public it would ruin any chance he had of making you get back with him."

Blair shook her head slowly. "I wish I could Jenny but if I did something like that I can't even fathom what he would do. I have thought about it a hundred different ways and no matter what if I leave Marcus I know he'll make the rest of my life hell."

Jenny stood up suddenly. "I'm so tired of this; it's just not fair. Why do you have to put up with this shit?"

Serena was once more staring dumbstruck and Blair knew that she had to make Jenny understand. "I did this Jen. I brought this on myself. It's my fault that this happened. I played Marcus to get revenge on Chuck and it came back to me tenfold."

Jenny shook her head and Blair realized that she was crying. "I miss you." She said softly through her tears and Blair pulled her into a hug. Within moments Serena was with them, crying and hugging as they said goodbye once more.

* * *

Chuck could see the girls sitting together on the balcony and didn't interrupt. He knew that they needed to talk to say goodbye and he needed to do the same. He was unsurprised to find the guys sitting together in the media room of the guest house; yet he was surprised to discover that they were not playing any of the game systems, only sitting. All of their heads turned in his direction immediately upon his entry.

Eric smiled at Chuck's as he came into the room. He had a feeling that he knew exactly what his brother was coming to tell them; that he wasn't returning to New York with them; which meant that he was coming to say goodbye. Eric knew that Chuck would hate himself if he made any other decision; he loved Blair too much to be without her if there was even a possibility of them being together.

Dan tilted his head slightly at the expression on Chuck's face. After what Jenny had told him earlier, he knew that Chuck had a lot on his mind; and was under a lot more stress than most people knew but there was something a different about him. There was an inner peace behind his eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time, it was as though he had made an important decision of sorts; something final. Dan shook his head. What was with him and all of this philosophical mumbo jumbo lately? But suddenly Dan couldn't stop the word vomit. "Why are you looking at us like that?"

This time it was Chuck who tilted his head; apparently Dan was a little more intuitive than he generally gave him credit for so he simply admitted what was true. "I'm here to say goodbye."

"Oh." Dan replied almost involuntarily. That had been the last thing he had expected Chuck to say. In fact he thought it was more likely that Chuck was coming to spill the beans to Nate about what was going on between him and Jenny; not this. As he looked to Eric he noted a small smile and realized that this was something that Eric already knew or at least expected. However, as he looked to Nate he realized that of the group he had not been the most surprised.

Nate couldn't help but chuckle. "Blair's over there man." Nate said pointing towards the balcony. What was Chuck talking about? He knew the guy was stressed out but this was extreme. It was Blair he needed to say goodbye to. "I mean yeah we're taking different flights back so that you can hop a plan to Monaco and all that in case Marcus decides to check but we'll all be back in the city tomorrow." Nate didn't even notice the looks that Eric and Dan were giving him.

Chuck shook his head slightly; he should have known it would take more than a simple statement to make Nate understand. "Nathaniel, I'm not going back to New York." When Nate simply looked confused Chuck continued to speak. "I'm staying in London with Blair."

Nate's jaw practically fell open before he echoed Dan's earlier one word reaction. "Oh."

"You're giving up a lot for her." Dan said, finally becoming able to form coherent phrases.

Chuck couldn't prevent a sad sort of smirk from appearing on his face. "Not as much as she has already given up for me."

Nate nodded. While it may have taken him a while to understand what was going on, once he did he knew that Chuck was making the only decision that he could; Chuck couldn't live without Blair. Nate couldn't help but wonder how he and Blair had dated for so long when clearly Chuck was her match; or how he had entertained the thought as recent as a month ago that she belonged with him. Blair would never belong with anyone but Chuck and it was time that that was made clear. "New York's going to suck without you. Who's going to throw the lost weekend this year?"

Chuck smiled while giving Nate a shrug. He knew that this meant that Nate supported his decision and it was nice to know that his best friend got it. "I don't know man, but if you could make it look like I was still living in New York, it would be ideal."

"What? You want me to impersonate you?" Nate asked confused yet intrigued at the possibilities.

Chuck nodded. "In a way yes. Ideally I would like for you to go by my suite some, act like you're visiting me. Order room service; throw parties, that entire sort of thing. I'll place a call to the hotel and let them know our arrangement. Actually if you just wanted to move in there, that would work out too." Chuck added with a wink in Nate's direction. That could potentially solve several problems all at once. Since Nate's grandfather had yet to pull through with some monetary help, it wouldn't be long before Nate was going to need a place to crash.

Nate smiled. "That I can definitely do."

Eric stood and gave Chuck a hug."I'm going to miss you. You know that right?"

"I'll miss you too, all of you." Chuck said, returning Eric's hug before looking at his other two guy friends. One of the things that he was about to lose was companionship in general, so he knew that when he said that he was going to miss them, he wasn't lying. They all four continued to sit in silence before Dan suddenly jumped up. "Guy's we've got to go. With the exception of Blair, we've all got planes to catch."

As they each confirmed the time, they quickly scurried out of their room, all knowing that they each needed to be on the plane they were supposed to be on if only to make sure Marcus wasn't getting suspicious. It was an abrupt end to a rather intense conversation but the guys knew that there were things for the group that were more important than anything for the individual.

Chuck simply watched as the rest of the guys fled from the room in a rush; he had made sure he was ready to go before he came to say goodbye. To him, all of this was too important to risk being even a minute behind schedule. As he walked into the living room he noticed a similar rush with the girls. Serena and Jenny were flying up the stairs leaving him and Blair alone in the living room with his bags. He could see the tears in her eyes from across the room and knew just the way to comfort her. "Hey." He said softly as he walked over to her.

"Shouldn't you be saying goodbye?" She asked gesturing down at the bags by his feet.

Chuck was simply thinking of the best way to let her know that he wasn't leaving her but Blair took the silence to mean something else entirely and a tear drop slipped out of the corner of her eye. "Blair . . ." He began as he reached out to brush a tear away.

Blair did her best to smile; she didn't want Chuck to know just how disappointed she was that he was returning to New York. "It's fine Chuck, I understand completely. You shouldn't have to give up everything just for a few minutes with me a week. I mean who even knows if we would be able to get that. Plus it would be such a big risk, it's probably better if you do just go back to New York. . ." Blair said babbling.

Chuck couldn't help the smirk from appearing on his lips. "Don't tell me you've changed your mind now after I've gone through the trouble of sending someone who looks like me back to New York on a plane from London."

"What?" Blair said looking up at Chuck through her latent tears. "But what about all these bags you already have ready to go?"

Chuck smiled their secret smile. "I've still got to do the first leg of the flight from Monaco to London, don't I?"

A hopeful smile appeared on Blair's face and her eyes began to sparkle. "You're with me?"

"I'm with you." Chuck replied with a nod before adding. "I'm always with you."

Blair's face illuminated with her excitement and happiness as she threw her arms around Chuck's neck hugging him tightly to her before pulling back slightly and placing her lips on his.

Nate laughed as he entered the room. "Looks like Chuck made a good decision."

Blair and Chuck broke apart and Blair set her glaring eyes on Nate; but at that moment, not even she could pretend to be angry and burst out laughing. Soon everyone was doing the same until Eric came scrambling down the stairs. "Come on guys we've got to go or we are all going to miss our flights."

After many hugs and goodbyes out on the front porch, they all got into their cars and left. Blair couldn't help the tears that began to fall once more as she watched their cars drive away. Regardless of the fact that Chuck was coming to London to be with her she was still going to miss her friends.

"Good. I'm glad to see that the boy left."

Blair spun on her heels at the sound of a deep male voice; turning around to see none other than Sergio standing behind her. She was startled to the point that her tears abruptly stopped and panic began to set in. "What boy?" She asked tentatively.

Sergio sneered and gave her a look that clearly stated that he wasn't oblivious to who had been staying in the guest house this past week.

Blair inhaled sharply and her nerves went haywire. He knew about Chuck. How had Sergio known? They had been so careful. There was really only one question that she needed answered at that moment and she was more terrified of the answer than she had ever been of any answer before; so she took a deep breath and asked. "Does Marcus know?"

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed :)**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo**

**kate**


	47. Plans and Planes Crash and Burn

**A/N: Yay for a relatively quick update. I intend for this to become a regular thing (i.e. I update on Monday's until this story reaches completion, which will probably be around Christmas time). I will say that there is a LOT of switching points of view in this chapter. I was going for a certain effect that I'm not entirely sure I pulled off. Anyways, I hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** ana-12, xoxogg4lifexoxo, LayRay, tvrox12, ggloverxx19, Butterflies In My Stomach, smartin555, odyjha, CarolinaGirl21, damnthatmotherchucker, EZ11, **

**and **

**Juicyxoxocharm16 **who this chapter is officially dedicated to. Happy Birthday! I hope it's a great one.

* * *

No, Marcus couldn't know, if he did then it was over; everything was over. Marcus would lock her away in their house, no his house, her prison, and she would never see Chuck again. Knowing Marcus, he would probably kill Chuck, or do something to seriously harm him and she wouldn't even know. Blair could feel her pulse racing as her breathing became ragged; she wasn't just scared, she was terrified. Sergio still hadn't answered as she shakily repeated. "Does Marcus know?"

The menacing look on Sergio's face did not disappear and Blair found herself running a hand through her hair repeatedly. She could see it all going down in her head and was truly petrified. She felt as though she would hurl. "Oh God, oh God." She began to repeat.

"He doesn't know." Sergio finally spoke.

It took a moment for his words to breach Blair's state of panic but as they did she froze. "What?" She asked as she looked Sergio straight in the eye.

Sergio crossed his arms. "Marcus doesn't know anything about your lover paying you a visit you little whore." He had no fond feelings in him for the American girl that stood before him. Sure she was pretty but she clearly did not value her relationship with Marcus or the status that it would give her, if she was gallivanting around with some American boy. Sergio respected Marcus, he paid him well to do this job and really the point of his job was to keep Marcus happy. So if that meant keeping the American around, that's what he would do.

Blair's eyes flashed but she kept her calm; she was still in shock. "Why? Why haven't you told Marcus yet?" This didn't make any sense; Sergio hated her, why would he keep her secret? He was probably planning to wait for the worst possible moment to tell him; after all why would Sergio spare her the initial rage that would come from the reveal.

Sergio took a step forward. "There is no yet. Marcus will not find out about this little tryst of yours you ungrateful twit." His eyes remained ever menacing as he took yet another step closer to Blair. "If I told Marcus we both know how he'd react; not to mention that I would likely end up losing my job for not keeping a better eye on you. Telling Marcus would only cause drama when I can simply nip the entire situation in the bud right here."

Blair's eyes grew wide with fear as Sergio loomed over her. She opened her mouth to speak but he placed a finger over her lips and a hand around her neck, silencing her. "You will not see him again; I'll be making damn sure of that."

She bit her lip trying not to cry. She thought that Marcus was scary when he was mad but Sergio could snap her neck with one twist of his wrist.

"You will do as Marcus wants, be a good little wife for him and he'll never need to know about any of this. If things do not go my way, I'll track down your little boy toy and I'll kill him." He said, emphasizing his words with a brief tightening of his hold. "Do you understand?" He asked, still holding her threateningly. He wasn't going to let this situation get out of his control. Marcus would have her and the little bitch would act happy about it.

Blair nodded as well as she could in her current position. What was she going to do? How was she going to warn Chuck? Somehow their situation had just become more precarious than before and Chuck was on his way straight into danger.

Suddenly Sergio let go of her. "You might want to put a rain jacket in your carry on. The weather's nasty in London and we wouldn't want you getting sick now would we Princess."

As soon as his hold released, Blair jerked away. She wanted nothing more than to spit in Sergio's face but she knew that right there that would get her nowhere so she simply turned and went to pack.

* * *

Chuck couldn't help but smile as he got on the plan in Monaco. Blair was going to be getting on a plane in the airport he had flown out of this morning in only a few minutes. She should arrive in Heathrow not too long before him. He knew that he wouldn't see her today but it was still felt good to know that there was a chance that they would be in the same place at the same time. He had been careful when booking his flight into London, he was flying into a different terminal than she was and he had a body double waiting to board the plane to America. The guy he had hired would never even have to pass through security; he would just get on the plane using Chuck's ticket.

As Chuck sat down in the seat on the plane he knew that he had made the right decision. There had never been another option really. Blair had given up everything for him, all to protect him; of course he would do the same for her. Everything was arranged. He had purchased a flat in downtown London under the name of the guy he had hired for the plane. Chuck couldn't help but laugh as he remembered the guy's name, Donald Ross. Poor guy, what had his parents been thinking. Either way it didn't matter, Donald had big plans to become a Broadway star and Chuck had enough connections to get him an audition anywhere. Then there was Nate who would have a lot of fun making sure that it looked like Chuck was still in New York City, just in case Marcus decided to do a little checking up.

Chuck was as determined as ever that nothing was coming between him and Blair; he wasn't going to let that happen ever again. Even as they took off into skies that warned of thunderstorms, nothing could have dampened his mood.

* * *

Blair looked out the window as the plane took off, noticing that the skies matched her mood perfectly. Sergio had been right in suggesting a rain jacket; as dark as the skies were here, she could only imagine what they might be like in London; it was always rainy in London. She frowned as Sergio sat down next to her but tried not to let him see it.

"Cheer up Princess, you're going home." Sergio said with another one of his menacing smiles.

Blair turned her hair and glared. "That is not and will never be my home." Her voice was cold and icy as she tried to suppress the emotions that she was feeling. She didn't want to start crying again; that wouldn't do her any good.

"He's arranged a surprise for you." Sergio said trying to tempt her to be a little easier to deal with. When she didn't respond he continued. "Your mom is going to London to meet with a client and he's arranged a visit." Blair still didn't respond. Sergio shook his head slightly. "Your life would be so much easier if you would just accept all of this."

All of the sudden, it became too much for her to handle without some kind of response. "I had accepted this, I had. I had convinced myself that I could even be happy in London but then Marcus showed me his true colors once more. He doesn't care if I'm happy, he only cares about himself. I gave him my trust and he violated it. He admitted to me that you were a prison guard as opposed to a body guard. How do you think that feels to know that you don't have any choices? I have to ask him before I do anything."

Sergio glared. "You had a choice. You chose to get involved with Marcus." What a stupid child. This girl couldn't be more than eighteen years old and she had married a prince. Why wouldn't she just accept the fairytale?

"I never wanted to marry him; I never wanted to leave New York. No one ever gave me that choice!" Blair practically shouted.

Sergio's eyes lit up as he placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back against the seat; people were beginning to stare. "Am I going to have to sedate you?"

Blair knew immediately that he wasn't kidding and almost welcomed the option. Wouldn't that be easy to just go to sleep and not have to worry about all of this? She knew how to make it happen. "HEL. . ." The needle was in her arm before she managed to get out as much as a word.

Moments later when the stewardess appeared, Sergio had arranged her to look like she was sleeping.

"Is everything alright sir?" The woman asked politely. She knew who the girl was, they had been notified that the new princess of England was on the flight and so she knew that this was a situation that needed to be handled carefully.

Sergio smiled a charming smile at the flight attendant. "Yes. The princess has a fear of flying, she has a tendency to panic but she took some sleeping pills earlier and it looks as though they've finally kicked in."

"Alright then." The attendant replied with a smile. That certainly made her job easier. She didn't really care whether or not the story was true, it wasn't her business. They had simply been told that Princess Rhodes was on board the flight and to ensure that she didn't get off it until they reached London.

* * *

Chuck sighed as he saw the fasten seatbelt sign. Damn it he had to go to the bathroom. Fuck it, he was Chuck Bass, he didn't give a damn about airplane rules. Just as he was getting out of his seat he felt the jerk of the plane, forcing him back into his seat. What the hell was that? He was fastening his seatbelt as the plane jerked again, the turbulence beginning to cause the plane to bounce. Usually, he was calm about this sort of thing but as he looked out the window he realized that he couldn't see anything but rain and lightening; how was the pilot even managing to fly the plane? They were near Heathrow so they should have been landing soon; leaving them in the midst of the clouds.

Chuck had been on enough planes to know what to do to see if the situation was serious and he immediately looked to the flight attendants; their facial expressions would tell him everything. So he sought out the nearest one and one look at her face told him what he needed to know. This wasn't run of the mill turbulence. They looked calm but in their eyes he could see the worry. Just as he got himself properly fastened back into the seat he heard the pilot over the intercom.

"Attention passengers and flight attendants, please stay in your seats with your seat belts fastened for the remainder of the flight. We are encountering severe turbulence; moving around the cabin at this time is not safe. We will land in Heathrow as soon as possible."

* * *

Blair awakened groggily as her head hit the window. What the hell was going on? Her eyes looked around the plane as it jerked around. She saw passengers all over the plane gripping tightly to their armrest and the seatbelt signs on. She looked to Sergio and knew that if she really wanted to know what was going on that she would have to ask. The first few times she opened her mouth, she couldn't seem to manage to get words out, the drugs were still causing everything to be hazy. "What's up with the plane?" She finally spoke to Sergio.

Sergio looked over at her, a little surprised that the drugs had worn off so quickly; he was certain that he was going to have to carry her off the plane. "Look out the window and see for yourself."

Blair looked at him curiously but did as he suggested and couldn't help but gasp. Lightening filled the otherwise pitch black sky and thunder was rumbling through the air. No wonder the plane was jerking so badly. Her stomach was doing flips and she had no idea if it was from the turbulence or the drugs; likely it was a combination. She knew she was going to be sick before it happened and reached into the pouch on the back of the seat in front of her, pulling out the airsick bag.

She could tell that Sergio was disgusted by her display but she really didn't care as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the bag; making sure she didn't get any on herself. As she finished she turned to Sergio once more. "How long has this been going on?"

"About twenty minutes" he said as he gripped the armrest. He actually wasn't a fan of flying in the first place, he did not sign up for a rollercoaster ride. "We're trying to land in London right now."

Blair nodded and gingerly placed the bag into the seat pouch again so that she could hold on.

* * *

It had been a long time since Chuck had actually feared for his own life; but when the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling he was afraid. This was new territory for him; he had never been caught in this kind of storm before; not while he was in an airplane. Chuck had always been one of those people who thought that this was something that happened to other people, not him, so of course he had never paid any attention to the flight safety. It was by sheer luck that he managed to figure out how to operate the mask.

As he braced himself for what seemed to be a likely crash landing; he tried to distract himself, think of other things. Naturally, his mind went to Blair. Beautiful, elegant Blair. She was the one and only woman that he would ever love. Hell, he hadn't known what love was before that night in the limo. He had probably always loved her, Nate had simply been a factor that he was unwilling to bypass but it had taken him so long to finally confess that to her. He had done so much wrong along the way but he didn't regret a moment he ever gave to her. She would be okay without him, he knew she would. Blair was so much stronger than he was. If he lost her he wouldn't want to live anymore, he knew that he would end his own life; but she was stronger than that. She wasn't weak like he was.

Suddenly it was as though someone had put a shock to his brain; Blair was flying into this airport too. If his plane was going through this, so was hers. And just like that Chuck Bass was one thousand times more afraid.

* * *

Blair didn't want to cry. She wanted to be strong; but she was terrified. She had shut the window because she couldn't handle seeing the storm; especially not after the oxygen masks had fallen. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this much adrenaline rushing through her veins. She hated the feeling of being out of control and she had never felt that way more in her life than she had now.

What would happen if she died? There would probably be a large state funeral now, something absurdly grand, even for a Waldorf; but the people in England wouldn't even miss her, except maybe Marcus and she couldn't care less about how he would feel. It was the people back in New York that would really be sad. She thought perhaps they would have their own funeral; just those who mattered to her. What would it be like to be at her own funeral? She was certain everyone would be sad, or at least those who were of consequence. Surely all of her old minions would show up and pretend to mourn her death, but it was those closest to her, the non-judging breakfast club who would be crushed. It was like a movie playing in her head. She could see Kati, Iz, Hazel, and Penelope crying their crocodile tears in one pew. However, in another Serena, Jenny, Nate, Dan, and Eric would be sitting supporting one another. Some of them might say nice things about her; Nate would talk about how she was his first love and both Serena and Jenny would claim that she was their best friend, neither would be wrong. But where was Chuck? Likely over in a corner by himself. No in the movie in her head, the rest of them would have looked after Chuck, taken care of him. Of course the movie was correct; Chuck wouldn't have come to her funeral at all. He would have taken off; telling everyone that he was going on a trip. But she knew him and knowing Chuck meant that she knew his limits. She was one of those. Losing her, really losing her would cause an uncontrollable tailspin. And she knew deep in her heart that the only place that that tailspin would end would be in Chuck taking himself out of this world. She couldn't honestly say that she would do anything different. Well certainly Chuck's exit would consist of more fireworks and it would be quicker but she would still do it. Hers would just be slow and painful. She would try to drink it away; wasting herself away a little at a time until eventually there was nothing left of her.

Like the lightening outside Blair abruptly realized that Chuck was in as much danger as she was right then. Both of them were flying into Heathrow, both of them were in this storm.

* * *

The planes continued to be jostled through the air and on each and every one the lights began to flicker. The control towers had gone out and the pilots were going to have to try to land on manual overdrive knowing that there was no airline control to aide them. Passengers braced themselves as they prepared for the worst. Some prayed, some cursed, and some cried but not a single passenger on a single plane was ready for the sound of a nearby plane being struck by lightning and bursting into flames. Passengers heard the crash, some even saw it, no one wanted to believe it; but as pilots managed to safely land their own planes they each had to make the announcement that made it all real. "Ladies and Gentlemen we have landed safely but it is with great sadness that I inform you that we had a plane go down this evening. As we taxi into the gate, if you have a cellular phone you may call your loved ones and ensure them that you are okay. Please disembark calmly and safely as the gate will likely be chaotic. Thank you."

**Gossip Girl here with breaking and possibly tragic news. It's been reported that a plane has gone down at Heathrow and if my sources are correct, some of our favorite (even if slightly absent) Upper East Siders were landing there today. More to come as soon as I receive confirmation.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

**

* * *

A/N: Don't hate me. You'll learn the result of the crash in next week's update. (as a point of clarification, Chuck and Blair were not on the same plane flight, they were flying out of different places. However, their planes were landing around the same time aka the time of the crash). **

**Reviews are always appreciated**

**xoxo**

**kate**


	48. Who Was It?

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay, I've had paper after paper due recently and now it's exam time but I'll still try to get updates in :) I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** odyjha, Juicyxoxocharm16, smartin555, ana-12, chairlovforver, CarolinaGirl21, EZ11, roonilwazlib93, and tvrox12**

* * *

Marcus was panicking. He couldn't be more thankful that he had arranged with airport security to meet Blair at the gate upon her arrival. With the current chaos he was unsure that even his level of clearance would have been enough to get him inside of the terminal. As it was he was freaking out all the same. He saw Roland rushing over and searched the man's face for some sign of what he had found out. His own emotions were too overpowering for the observation to be any good so he had to ask. "What did you learn?" He had sent Roland to the head of security in an attempt to discover what plane had gone down.

Roland simply shook his head. "Nothing. The head of security wouldn't speak with me."

"Damn it." Marcus roared causing nearby people to turn and stare even more than they already were. "I practically own this bloody country, why can't I find out the simple fact of what bloody plane went down." Everyone around him backed up, his security was well aware of Marcus's temper when it came to something he was passionate about and he had never been more passionate about anything than he was about Blair. They were all scared of what he would do if it had been Blair's plane that had crashed twenty minutes ago. "Hand me the phone." He said to Roland through gritted teeth.

Marcus dialed quickly and waited impatiently for the answer. "Hello, yes, this is Marcus Beaton Rhoades. I need to know the number of the flight that crashed." After a pause he replied. "I don't care how classified the information is, I'm the bloody Prince and it is imperative that I know. So if I am not informed of the flight information and passenger list of the flight that went down in the next five minutes, I will have every employee of this airport fired." With that he hung up and sighed, if that didn't get him the information that he needed, nothing would.

Roland reached over and placed a hand on Marcus's shoulder in an attempt to turn him around but Marcus shrugged him off. Roland replaced his hand once more. "Sir."

Marcus immediately jerked around furious. "WHAT?" But his rage halted as he saw the direction that Roland was pointing; Blair. He immediately started walking towards her, attracting her attention. She nodded slightly in his direction, looking frazzled which was completely understandable as she had just survived a near death experience. Marcus smiled in her direction as he picked up his pace but something else had drawn her attention away from him and her eyes had widened in shock or fear he didn't know. Either way he started to run towards her.

* * *

Chuck sat in his seat, absolutely terrified. He didn't know what he was going to do if that was Blair's plane. Or maybe he did know what he was going to do and that's what made sitting here doing nothing so difficult. He was aware that they were supposed to remain calmly seated but he couldn't know that Blair could be dead. He spotted a nearby flight attendant and motioned her over. As she approached, he spoke. "You know who I am?" He said as more of a statement than a question.

The flight attendant nodded. Of course she knew who Chuck Bass was; every airline attendant knew he was and not just because he was famous for his money. It used to be the case that if Chuck Bass was on your flight, he was going to invite you back to his room later, but that had changed as of late; it was rumored that he had fallen in love.

Good, this would be a lot easier if there was no explanation involved of what exactly the phrase 'I'm Chuck Bass' meant. "Then you know that I am serious when I say that I need to be the first one off this plane and that needs to happen as soon as we get to the gate."

The flight attendant knew that it would be breaking protocol to allow him off the flight but she also knew better than to say no to Chuck Bass. "Of course. As soon as we approach the gate, I'll come by and escort you out."

Chuck nodded his thanks and made a note of the girl's name. He would need to let the airline company know that she had served them well; after all, a recommendation from Chuck Bass was golden. Moments later when she approached him once more and gave him a nod, he immediately got up and followed her. As soon as she led him through the door he started running because as much as he didn't want it to be true, he had to know; he had to know if Blair was still alive. It barely registered in his head that due to the emergency landing, the plane had had to land in the same terminal as Blair's should have. In his mind, it only made his job of finding her easier; Marcus be damned.

As he exited the gangplank still running, he received several looks of confusion and worry from the gate attendants. No one should have been coming off the plane yet so the senior attendant walked over, "I'm sorry sir, but you shouldn't have exited the plane yet. I'm going to have to ask you to wait right here until emergency personal have calmed down the airport."

Chuck could see the chaos swirling around him, but he couldn't see Blair. He looked to her gate, the door was closed, no one had exited. It was of course a possibility that her plane had landed at another gate or that they were holding the passengers on her plane as well; but either way he didn't have time to deal with the gate attendant. So he turned to her and said in a no-nonsense voice. "I'm Chuck Bass; even Europeans must know what that means."

The woman's eyebrows rose. The boy was correct, she did know what that meant; but at the same time she could be fired for this. "Chuck Bass or not, I can't let you run around the airport right now; I'll lose my job."

Chuck shook his head frustrated. "If you lose your job, I'll hire you, now please step out of my way." Just as he spoke he spotted her across the terminal, looking flustered as she exited gate B-27 looking in the opposite direction. Chuck couldn't withhold a gasp as his heart soared; she was alive. He immediately moved around the gate attendant and started walking towards Blair as though it was a dream. His eyes didn't leave her face and it took only moments for her eyes to meet his. The only thing that confused Chuck was the fact that instead of relief in her eyes he saw fear.

* * *

Blair had gotten off the plane as quickly as she could once they were given the all-clear to disembark. In fact she wasn't entirely sure how she had managed to avoid Sergio but she knew that she had to get off immediately; she had to know that Chuck was okay. She practically ran into the terminal and immediately began looking around. After only moments her eyes caught Marcus's, damn it, that wasn't who she was looking for.

As she was contemplating the likelihood that she would manage to get away if she ran she felt something. It was the same feeling that she had every time Chuck stepped into a room; something down in her gut told her that he was with her. Blair followed her instinct and turned her head, her eyes immediately meeting Chuck's. She immediately felt relief wash through her; he was alive. But only seconds later she remembered who else was walking towards her and fear crashed down upon her.

Blair's eyes immediately switched back to focus on Marcus. She knew that they must betray too much because he had picked up his pace and was clearly trying to figure out where she had been looking. He was craning his neck to see over crowds exactly in Chuck's direction. Shit, what was she going to do? Marcus was about to see Chuck! With no alternative options coming to her mind Blair did the only thing she could think of to distract Marcus; she fainted.

* * *

As soon as Chuck saw Blair collapse, he broke into a run. What the hell had just happened? As he got close to her he fell to his knees and cradled her in his arms, "Blair, Blair! Are you okay? Wake up and answer me God damn it!" Had she been on the plane and somehow made it off only to collapse?

At first Marcus thought he had completely lost it. Everything happened so fast. Blair collapsed and fear completely seized his body causing him to run faster than he thought possible. That feeling lasted only a millisecond because almost before she hit the ground Chuck materialized seemingly out of thin air and anger began to rush through his veins. How was it possible? Was he sleeping; was this some kind of nightmare? Upon reaching them Marcus realized that Chuck was truly there even though Chuck seemed not to even notice him. Marcus turned to his security guards and with one quick flick of his head he gave them the order to grab Chuck.

When Chuck felt the first hand close over his arm, he looked up almost in shock. "Who the hell do you think you are? Unhand me before I call airport security."

Marcus smirked and even in his fear for Blair at the moment, he knew she was breathing and had a suspicion that she hadn't actually fainted at all. With another glance at Blair and her poor attempts not to react to what was going on around her, he looked back to Chuck. "I believe my personal security trumps airport security Bass."

At the sound of Marcus's voice, Chuck looked up startled. He hadn't even noticed his presence. As he did, another guard appeared on his other side, grabbing his arms and pulling him to his feet. Chuck immediately started to struggle, "I said get your hands off of me! I haven't done anything that garners arrest. And Blair needs help."

"What an unpleasant surprise finding you here. I suppose it couldn't be a simple coincidence could it?" Marcus shook his head, still smirking. "But Blair doesn't need help, do you sweetheart?" Marcus said in almost a sickly sweet voice as he leaned down by Blair. Then his voice turned harsh. "Stop faking and get up before I have Chuck arrested on actual charges." When he got no reaction from Blair, Marcus stood straight and looked Chuck in the eye. "Hold him." He hissed at his security guards before pulling back and slamming his fist into Chuck's face. He was seething and he knew it and his temper had reached a boiling point."If you ever lay a hand on my wife again, I'll do worst than have you arrested." Marcus threatened before bringing his fist back to accentuate the statement with another punch.

The gasps of the crowd followed by the sound of someone getting punched was enough to make Blair stop faking and shoot up from her spot on the floor. She jumped between Marcus and Chuck without thinking; all she knew was that she wasn't going to let Marcus hurt Chuck.

Marcus almost didn't react fast enough to stop himself from punching Blair as she appeared between him and Chuck; but he somehow managed. "Bloody hell Blair, what were you thinking jumping in front of my fist?"

"I wasn't going to let you punch him. It isn't his fault that we just happened to be in the same airport." Blair snapped.

Marcus scoffed, he didn't believe that Chuck being there was any kind of coincidence but he wasn't quite ready to address that just yet and would be willing to forget about it if she would just forgive him for what happened in France. Instead he found his voice softening. "I could have hurt you." He didn't give a damn about Chuck, he wanted to pull Blair into his arms and know that everything was going to be okay. He was just glad that she was alive; he wanted to erase their fight in France and go back to when things with them were getting better.

Blair noticed Marcus soften so she toned down her voice as well, even though she knew that what she was about to say was going to hurt him. "Hurting Chuck hurts me." As she spoke, she saw his face fall and lowered her voice. "So think about that before you carry out any of those threats you were just making."

Marcus could feel his breath quickening but tried to remain calm as he asked a question that he didn't really want the answer to. "Why is he here? What did you two do?"

Blair shook her head. "Nothing Marcus, we did nothing. I haven't seen him; remember you've had watch dogs on me twenty four/seven. As for why he's here you'll have to ask him." As if on cue Sergio rushed up dumbfounded by the situation at hand.

Marcus glared at Sergio before speaking. "Do you really think I believe that?" Marcus asked, temper rising once more. No matter how happy he was that Blair was alive, he could clearly see that she hadn't forgiven him for what happened in France and if she wasn't going to forgive him, he wasn't going to just let this little situation go. "I had already figured out that you had won Roland over and now it appears you've won over Sergio as well. I didn't even believe that to be possible."

This time it was Chuck who interrupted the conversation. "Drop it Marcus, it's not her fault. I spent Christmas in Monaco like I always do. I was changing planes here on the way to New York and spotted Blair across the terminal. When I saw her pass out I . . . I ran over here." Chuck didn't want to admit the fact that Blair passing out had completely terrified him. When Marcus looked at him skeptically Chuck tried to jerk his arms out of the hold the guards had. "IF you would have these buffoons release me, I'd get out my tickets and show you."

"Fine." Marcus said stiffly. "Release him." The second the command was uttered, the guards freed Chuck's arms and took a step backwards.

Chuck immediately straightened out his suit and shot a dirty glance at the guards upon being let go. But then he reached into his suit pocket and pulled out the tickets that he had feared would come in handy.

Marcus glanced over the boarding passes, hardly believing that it could be possible that this was just a coincidence. He looked back up, glancing between Chuck and Blair. "So you didn't know that Blair was in France?"

Chuck arranged his face in the perfect look of surprise. "You were in France?" He asked Blair, sounding completely awestruck.

"At Daddy's Vineyard." She replied, amazed by Chuck's performance. "And you went to Monaco just like you always do? I thought that you would spend the Holidays at home with your family."

Chuck nodded and looked away from her. He couldn't believe that this was working so well. "Yeah, I wanted Nate to come but he refused to be away from Jenny for the Holidays."

At the mention of Nate, Marcus's head popped up. "Ha, there it is. You had to have known Blair was in France. Nate knew and he certainly would have said something. He's your best friend. Or if not him, one of the others who visited for New Year's most definitely would have told you." Marcus said sounding victoriously vindicated.

Almost thrown for a loop, it took Chuck a moment to respond. "Nate being my best friend is the exact reason he wouldn't have told me that Blair was spending the Holiday's away from you. He knows me well enough to know that I would have tried to see her and he knows me well enough to know that that would have been a bad idea; they all do." Just as Chuck finished he heard Blair gasp.

Blair was hardly paying attention to the back and forth between the guys anymore. Her gaze had wandered to a nearby television as it reported on the airplane crash. As she saw raw coverage of the plane getting hit by lightening, the instant explosion of flames, and the impending crash, she gasped. It was almost as though she couldn't get enough oxygen. Watching that crash made her feel physically ill, that could easily have been her plane or Chuck's.

Upon hearing Blair gasp, Chuck followed her gaze; not paying attention as Marcus continued to argue that Chuck had to have known that Blair was in France. He took in the sight of the plane and began to read the horrifying words scrolling at the bottom of the screen. There were thought to be no survivors of the 120 person flight, but of course with a crash like that how could anyone survive? That's when he saw the next words, so small and seemingly insignificant, yet so tremendously important. 'Eleanor Waldorf and design team reportedly on flight.' Holy shit, Blair. With one look at her face he could tell she hadn't seen it and immediately turned her to him. What was he going to say, what was he going to do? Her mom was dead and no matter how much he might loathe Eleanor Waldorf, Blair loved her mother and needed her acceptance even though she had never seemed to get it. He knew if it was his father who died, he would still be crushed.

"What are you doing Chuck?" Blair asked bemused. "I was watching the coverage of the plane crash." When Chuck looked at her sadly, she kept talking. "What if that had been one of our planes?"

Marcus, fed up with their show of affection, interrupted. "Did you not hear me Chuck? I want you on the next available plane to New York." But he saw the look of terror on Chuck's face and stopped. He might hate Chuck Bass, but Chuck Bass did not scare easily, it was one thing that Marcus found bearable about him. So when Chuck grabbed his collar and pulled Marcus's ear towards him, he didn't fight it.

Chuck knew Blair thought he was insane but right now he didn't care; she couldn't find out about her mom from a television screen. So he pulled Marcus towards him and spoke through gritted teeth. "Get Blair out of here, somewhere private, right now."

Confused Marcus had no idea what Chuck was talking about and pulled away only to see the television screen that Chuck had turned Blair away from. His eyes immediately sought the words on the bottom of the screen to find out just what was going on, but when he saw his heart plummeted and he understood Chuck's fear. However much he despised Chuck he knew that Chuck loved Blair and knew that Chuck was right, Blair couldn't see this. Mere seconds later, his phone rang and as he answered and listened as the words on the screen were being confirmed by the airport security whom he was hassling only minutes ago. "Yes I am aware." He spoke into the phone before hanging up and nodding at Chuck, for once both of them were on the same level, they had to do what was best for Blair, and if that meant working together then they would. "Follow me." He said softly to Chuck.

Chuck took Blair's hand in his and followed Marcus, putting his faith in the man he hated the most. As they walked Chuck had a strange realization, as he surprisingly discovered that the one thing that he trusted about Marcus was the fact that he loved Blair.

The recent actions of the guys only increased Blair's bewilderment. "Chuck, what's going on?" Blair asked as she allowed him to lead her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that something was wrong. Not to mention, Marcus was allowing Chuck to hold her hand in public as they practically raced through the airport. People were staring and pointing making Blair begin to look around for some sign of what was going on. Sure she had gotten used to people looking at her, after all she had just married a prince, their prince, but there was something else in their gazes. The only word that she could find that would fit was pity; but why would crowds of people be pitying her?

Marcus sighed as they came to the VIP Lounge of the airport. It took the security placed at the door one look at who was before him to open the door. The least notable of the group was the daughter of a famous fashion designer who happened to be married to one of the English Princes who was also present and the third of the group was the heir to Bass Industries (the most successful corporation in the United States). Marcus immediately walked over and turned off the TV, after all the rush to get Blair here, he wasn't going to let her find out about her mother from a television now. As he turned around he saw Chuck sitting Blair down on one of the sofas and Chuck running a hand through his hair. Marcus couldn't help but think that he looked broken and wasn't sure what to do.

Blair looked to Chuck and noticed his distress. Why wasn't he answering her? So she turned to Marcus hoping that he would tell her why he and Chuck were seemingly getting along all of the sudden. So she repeated the same question she had asked Chuck earlier. "What's going on?"

Marcus exhaled and looked away, before looked back to Blair's now worried eyes. He began to walk towards her and sat down next to her on the sofa, Chuck still kneeling on the ground by her feet. How do you tell someone that their mother is dead? He looked to Chuck, who met his gaze. For a moment it was as though they communicated without words. Chuck knew Blair better, had known her longer, he would tell her.

Chuck sighed. He didn't want to do this, he didn't even know how; but he didn't have a choice. He knew that he had to be the one to tell Blair what had happened; it had to be him. "Blair"

The sound of her name drew Blair's attention back to Chuck and she had to hold back a gasp at the look of anguish in his eyes. What had happened to shake him up so badly? What could be so horrific?

"It's about the plane crash." Chuck said slowly, gently. His eyes tried to convey what words couldn't seem to and her eyes appeared to respond with some kind of understanding. There had always been that silent communication between them as though their souls were conversing.

Blair did her best to read him through his eyes, read his soul and along with his words, some sort of understanding began to come over her. Someone had been on that plane, someone important. "Who was it Chuck? Was it Jenny and Nate? Serena and Dan?" She knew her voice was getting shrill, she was panicking.

Chuck just shook his head slightly and opened his mouth to speak, dreading the words that he was about to bestow. "It was your mother, Blair."

Blair pulled back slightly. "What?" She spoke slowly, confused. "My mother is in New Yo . . ." She stopped speaking in the middle of her sentence, her mind flashing back to the plane ride and what Sergio had said. _"He's arranged a surprise for you. Your mom is going to London to meet with a client and he's arranged a visit." _ She had been so calmed and subdued but the realization of the truth of Chuck's words, and Marcus's actions came together and woke her up. "No." She shouted. "No, that's not possible, it's not." But Blair didn't even get through the sentence without breaking down. Her tears were streaming down her face as she collapsed into Chuck's arms, simply repeating "no" over and over again to which Chuck could only respond. "I'm so sorry; I am so very sorry Blair."

Marcus stood up from his position on the couch. He wanted to do something for Blair, anything that would comfort her or help her but he knew that the only one who could do that right now was Chuck. So he walked quietly from the room, leaving them there to grieve; knowing he was helping her in the only way that he could.

**Gossip Girl here with tragic news, reports have been streaming non-stop from London that there was a fiery plane crash at Heathrow. Lucky for us, our favorite Upper East Siders who have been frequenting that airport of late, are safe and sound, however, it seems that B's mom was on board the plane. Our condolences to our forever Queen. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

**

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A/N: Hope you all enjoyed. Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate **


	49. Never Quite Perfect

**A/N: Overdue but very long :) Sorry about that though, finals were horrific, then I got caught in an awful snowstorm on the way home and we went for a few days without power :( Everything's good now though but I have a bunch of family coming up so we will have to see how much I will be able to write. Some of you guys may notice the reappearance of a certain character and storyline that disappeared the last time we left New York and was left unfinished so I had to bring it back into the story. I know it was probably a little abrupt but I wasn't sure how else to go about it and as a story comes to a close, you've got to tie up ALL the loose ends right? Anyways enjoy and Happy Holidays. (btw, I will be updating I Can't, You Can't, He Can't, She Won't Tomorrow and hopefully The Reality They Live With on Sunday)**

**xoxo  
kate**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. The end probably deserves the rating M though because it is rather explicit. Don't say I didn't warn you :) **

To my amazing reviewers: **CarolinaGirl21, xoxogg4lifexoxo, chairlovforever, odyjha, smartin555, LitPrincess2787, ana-12, Butterflies In My Stomach, EZ11, tvrox12, R.I.P Casey3, **and **ggff-fan, **This is my Christmas gift to you guys.

* * *

Perfect. It was the one word that came to mind. Each chocolate curl was perfectly in place, her headband sitting exactly where it should amongst them. Her lips just the right shade of red, not a pimple to be seen; her mother would have been pleased. The simple thought of her mom threatened to cause Blair to do something she hadn't done since leaving the VIP lounge at the airport . . . cry. That was seven days ago; seven days that she had frozen her exterior, hardened her heart and forced herself to keep going. Once more, she pushed the feelings away, she wasn't going to let this affect her; she had to maintain her perfect exterior. So she took one last look in the vanity mirror, her vanity mirror.

It felt so strange being back in this room, the room that she had grown up in, the room that held some of her saddest memories and some of her happiest. It was in this room that she and Serena watched Breakfast at Tiffany's together for the first time, it was the room she and Chuck were hooking up in the day before Cotillion when Nate almost caught them, in this room she cried herself to sleep every night for months after her parents' divorce. But as strange as it was to be back, it was even stranger that she felt like she didn't actually belong here anymore. She was a stranger in her own home, if you could even call it that. It was nothing more than an empty house now. Her mom was gone, Dorota was going to work for the Archibald's, and that's why she had finally decided that she was going to sell it. It's not like she needed the money, but really there was no point in keeping it, she was never coming back to New York and it would just sit here completely empty and she couldn't even begin to picture it like that. So instead she would picture her house with another family in it and maybe they would have a daughter whose father wouldn't decide he was gay and leave them, maybe she would rule Constance, find the perfect guy for her (even if he wasn't the guy she had always thought was her soul mate), she'd go to Yale, both of her parents would be there at her perfect wedding to that guy who wasn't perfect, but perfect for her and she would get to live happily ever after. Somebody deserved the happy ending that Blair had wanted for herself right?

The past week had been so odd, trying to look back, everything had a hazy feel to it; time hadn't seemed to pass normally, sometimes it moved rapidly yet others she would look at the clock and no time would have passed at all. Chuck had been around since the accident; Marcus had let him stay at the house in London and had even let Blair and Chuck have some time alone, not that anything had happened between them. Chuck tried to break through her walls but Blair had refused to let him in. She pretended she had, she pretended that she was healing, that she was dealing with everything but Chuck knew her well enough to know that she wasn't and Marcus just didn't know what to do at all; she assumed that that's why he let Chuck stay. Blair hadn't seen Chuck for a few days, he had gone back to put into action the funeral arrangements that she had decided upon back in London. She and Marcus had arrived in New York late last night. Flying in was surreal. She never thought she would see the city again and the buildings were almost comforting but now that she was back everything just seemed so cold, so frozen, and so lonely. Marcus was trying so hard. He had been nice; she knew he was being nice. In return, she had been mean and she didn't care; it felt good to be hurtful to someone because then she wasn't the only one in pain.

With a parting look in her full length mirror, Blair noted that her dress, one that she had bought in London before Christmas, hung loosely on her frame. She placed a hand on her stomach, she looked thin. It was appropriate for the occasion; her mother would have been pleased. At that thought her stomach lurched and she made a dash for the bathroom. Throwing up into the porcelain idol that she had worshiped for so many years as a teenager felt familiar as well. She should have known better than to try to eat anything this morning. As she picked herself up and glanced in the bathroom mirror she shook her head slightly; other than the awful taste in her mouth and the slightly smeared lipstick she still looked perfect. So after fixing herself once more Blair picked up her coat from the bed and walked down the stairs. She couldn't be late for her own mother's funeral.

* * *

Chuck ran his hand through his hair as he waited for his limo to pull up outside of the church, he had sent it to pick up Blair and Marcus this morning and they still hadn't arrived. He hadn't seen Blair since he had left London three days ago and he was worried. Who knew what state she was in at this point? This was Blair Waldorf and as much as he loved her, he knew that she didn't deal with things well, if she chose to deal with them at all. Marcus had been surprisingly tolerable since the accident, he and Chuck had rarely spoken; when they had it was about Blair. There were times that he almost forgot just how much he hated Marcus, of course there were always ways that Marcus found to remind him.

Chuck exhaled as the limo pulled up; he needed to see her, needed to know that she was okay. Chuck's driver got out and opened the door before extending a hand to help the first passenger out of the car. Chuck immediately knew it was Blair as one perfectly gloved hand was placed in his driver's and one delicate foot touched the pavement. As soon as his eyes found her face he felt like he could breathe again. She looked perfect. Ironically, that scared him more than anything. An eighteen year old girl should not look perfect at her mother's funeral. But this was Blair and she was anything but ordinary. His second thought was that she was thin, too thin. She emerged from the car and walked towards the stairs where Chuck was standing; each step intentional, each move measured. All Chuck wanted to do was reach out and pull her to him, but he had learned in London that she didn't want to be touched right now. Surprisingly, Blair continued up the stairs until she was on the same step he was, him still facing the limo, her still facing the church. He noticed immediately that she was shaking and moved his hand to lightly hold hers and for a moment she let him. The moment was simply a moment and soon enough she was pulling her hand away. "Look at me Blair." Chuck said softly, needing to see into her eyes.

Blair didn't respond at first, so Chuck was about to repeat what he said when she slowly began to turn her head to face him. However, even though she was now facing him, her eyes weren't meeting his. "No Blair, really look at me." Chuck said as he reached out and placed his own gloved hand on her face bringing her eyes to meet his. Chuck felt his stomach drop as soon as her eyes locked with his and had to resist the urge to throw up. Blair was anything but okay, the red lines streaking through her eyes told him that her eyes were dry, had been for days. There were bags under her eyes, carefully hidden by make-up, that made it known to him she hadn't been sleeping. Her cheeks looked almost sunken, had she eaten anything? But the scariest part of all was the look in her eyes. There was nothing there, they were completely black. "Blair . . ." He breathed not knowing what else to say.

After a moment she opened her mouth and spoke. "I'm fine Chuck." Her voice was surprisingly strong, too authoritative, too certain, too normal. He still hadn't let her go, nor had he said anything else so she spoke again. "I'm going in now." Immediately, she stepped away from him and walked inside, head held high.

Chuck turned his head towards the limo where Marcus was hanging back, waiting. Once he noticed that Chuck was alone, he approached. He was lost on this one, having no idea what to do, how to help her. It destroyed him inside to see her like this, so in pain yet unwilling to admit it. All he wanted was to be there for her but she wouldn't even let him try, so he did his best and gave her space. He had even allowed Chuck to stay with them in London, gave them time to themselves. He would do just about anything for her and he thought that if anyone could break through her shell it was Chuck. As he came to stand in front of the boy who had once been the sole recipient of his loathing, he exhaled. By the look in Chuck's eyes he knew that he had had no more progress with Blair today but he asked anyway. "How is she?"

"You should know. You've been with her the past three days." Chuck knew he was glaring at Marcus and actually tried to tone it down. "Speaking of which, have you not been making her eat? She looks like she hasn't eaten in days."

"I've tried. I can't very well force food down her throat. Every time I suggest food she ignores me. In fact she ignores me pretty much all the time." Marcus said sighing. "At least she speaks to you like something's wrong. I don't think she's said a word to me in days that was real. There was one day where she tried to act like she was excited about the wedding plans. I was terrified that she had lost it. She seems so together. Like she's over it."

Chuck could feel the anger bubbling up and couldn't stop the growl in his voice. "Blair doesn't deal with things; she compartmentalizes them and files them away in her head, where they eat at her soul until she can't take it anymore and combusts. I've seen it get that bad twice, once when her father and Serena abandoned her and once when Nate and Serena slept together." He said, beginning to trail off.

"Chuck I don't know how to help her. I've tried everything, and I do mean everything to pull her out of this. As awful as it sounds, right now I want her to get angry at me, I want her to cry, because then I would know that Blair was alive somewhere in there." Marcus said, speaking through his teeth. This wasn't a conversation anyone else needed to overhear. It was bad enough that people were seeing him and Chuck talking together.

Chuck looked into the church. He could see Blair inside talking to her father and as Harold's eyes connected with his own, he knew that Harold was just as worried about Blair as they were. Chuck turned his head back to Marcus, his eyes lighting up. "I have an idea." He spoke tentatively, knowing that there was a chance that Marcus was going to shoot him down. He could tell that Marcus was listening and continued. "I'll need to be alone with her and she needs to think that you don't know that we snuck off. So I was thinking Serena could . . ." Chuck said as he laid into his plain, surprised that Marcus was agreeing. After they had their plan set they continued into the church and took their seats with Blair.

* * *

Serena looked at Dan confused as she walked into the church. She whispered. "Is that Chuck and Marcus sitting . . . together?"

Dan's eyes widened as he saw the pair that Serena was referring to. Sure enough, Marcus and Chuck were sitting next to each other, with Blair on the other side of Marcus and her father on the other side of her. "Wow, that's just wow." Dan said stumbling over his words. Marcus was allowing Chuck to sit with them and Chuck had yet to punch Marcus?

Jenny rolled her eyes slightly as she walked past them. "Seriously guys grow up. Even Marcus realizes that today is bigger than the competition between him and Chuck. He loves Blair, there's no way he is going to keep Chuck away from her when she is dealing with this." After speaking Jenny simply took Nate's hand and walked on. "Geez you'd think they were in middle school." Jenny said softly to Nate.

Nate chuckled slightly as he laced his fingers through her own. He couldn't help it, he had fallen hard for Jenny but that didn't stop his heart from breaking as he looked at Blair, even sad she was one of the most beautiful girls in the world. As they took a seat in the pew behind her he placed a hand on her shoulder, just to let her know that he was there.

Blair turned her head at the weight of a hand on her shoulder to see Nate. She couldn't help but give a small smile. "Thank you." She said quietly, not that it was necessary.

Nate nodded and started to remove his hand but she placed her hand on his. He could barely hear her whisper, "Don't." Nate of course granted her request and simply left his hand there reassuringly. At that moment, he looked over at Chuck and saw a mix of emotions on his face. He looked almost angry for a moment and Nate was about to text him some form of explanation when Chuck simply mouthed, "Thank you" and Nate knew that no explanation was needed.

It was strange for Chuck to witness Nate do something for Blair that he had been unable to do for her himself. In the past weeks, his touch had never once been enough to comfort her. Nate had somehow managed to do the impossible. Chuck felt a wave of jealousy, one he immediately suppressed. Blair loved him, he never had to doubt that and if Nate could do something for her could be there for her in a way that Chuck couldn't, then that was great. Nate and Blair were always going to be a part of one another's lives and to be jealous of that was pointless and selfish. So he gave his best friend a smile and turned to talk to Serena.

Blair surprised even herself by telling Nate not to move his hand. She hadn't let anyone near her over the past week but his touch felt so good at that moment and there was a look in his eyes that said that he would always be there. A part of her felt as though their history, their unmatchable familiarity with one another was so comforting. She knew that he knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment and they could sit there, no questions asked and he could simply be there. With Chuck things were different. Nate knew her in a way no one else did but so did Chuck, only with Nate where there was the shared history, with Chuck there was a knowledge of every piece of her soul. She could never lie to Chuck, could never pretend that she was in any less pain that she was. If Chuck was simply touching her, his touch would be enough to cause her to fall apart and she knew that. So they sat there with Nate's hand on her shoulder, not one tear staining her perfect check.

* * *

Blair stood in the doorway of her home accepting condolences as they left the wake. Things hadn't changed much from earlier that day other than the fact that Harold and Roman had already left for France upon her insistence. After all she was only going to be there a few more days herself. So that left Chuck on one side of her, Marcus on the other, neither touching her. Nate still stood nearby, just behind her in case she needed him, a few times already she had allowed him to hold her hand and once she had even allowed a hug. When the next person stepped in front of her she automatically felt the need to have Nate next to her and reached her hand backwards knowing that he would grasp it. "Vanessa?" She asked, the question clearly written on her features.

"Hey Blair." Vanessa said her voice full of sympathy as she stood before Blair at the door. This was even more awkward than she had imagined it would be but she had felt the overwhelming need to be here, not because of Blair, but because of Nate. She thought that he would perhaps be sad, he had known Eleanor well, and she wanted to be able to be there for him.

Blair felt as Nate's hand closed over hers. Blair wanted to remain perfect, wanted to remain calm but she had the sudden need to vent some of her sadness and frustration and Vanessa was the perfect target. "What the hell are you doing here Vanessa?" She spat drawing looks of surprise from both Marcus and Chuck.

Chuck wasn't sure what had awakened Blair but he heard pain in her voice, pain and anger and knew that Vanessa really wasn't going to want to be standing there in about ten seconds when Blair exploded on her.

Vanessa's confidence was shattered, she thought Blair had more propriety than to attack her here, at Eleanor's wake or she never would have risked this. "It's just . . . It's just. I wanted to pay my respects."

Blair's eyes lit up immediately, fury flashing through them. "You wanted to pay your respects." She stated her voice low and dangerous. "You hate me and you never met my mother. So whatever reason you have for being here that's not it." Blair felt a rush of energy, she had no reason to hold back and so she let down the floodgate, releasing Nate's hand and taking a step forward. "Now get out of here before I have to call the garbage man to take out the Brooklyn trash." She said her eyes narrowed.

Chuck saw Vanessa about to lunge and grabbed her. This was the last thing they needed. His eyes connected with Marcus's and they knew that now was as good a time as any for him to head out, so he took Vanessa by the arm and led her out of the apartment. Once in the elevator he turned on her. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? Blair's mom just died and you show up at her house and practically assault her. Don't you have any respect for the dead?"

"Yes I mean I do respect the dead, I just . . . I wasn't thinking." Vanessa murmured looking away, unable to meet his gaze. You knew you were in the wrong when Chuck Bass could make you feel ashamed of yourself. "I'm sorry." She barely whispered.

Chuck shook his head. "I would make you say that to Blair if I didn't think it would just upset her more." Chuck said thinking about how much glee Blair would normally get out of a forced apology from Punky Bruster. After a moment of thought Chuck spoke again. "Maybe I should actually be thanking you. She might have been upset but at least it was open and real."

Vanessa looked at him confused and saw the pain in his eyes, something one rarely if ever saw from Chuck Bass. Blair wasn't opening up to him, she wasn't letting him comfort her and it was killing him. Sure Blair was married to someone else but everyone knew that his and Blair's love was epic. This time she focused her eyes on his and spoke again. "I'm sorry." This time it was in a completely different context and she could tell by the look in Chuck's eyes that he knew and understood.

As they were walking out of the elevator, Chuck looked at her once more his voice calm and sincere. "Really Vanessa, why were you there?"

She was so shocked at hearing her name actual name from Chuck's lips accompanied by such a caring tone that she spoke without thinking. "I needed to see Nate, to make sure he was okay."

Chuck's eyebrows went up in surprise. Was Nate still involved with Vanessa? "Did Nate ask you to come?" He asked, keeping any judgment from his tone. After all, he off all people couldn't say anything about people getting involved with their exes and their exes' friends.

Vanessa looked at Chuck guiltily. "No. But I wanted to be there for him if he needed someone and I really just wanted to see him." She didn't know why she was telling this to Chuck of all people but at that moment she felt like she could talk to him and he would understand.

It was strange that Chuck hadn't realized it but Eleanor's death had probably had a stronger effect on Nate than it had on anyone other than Blair. Nate and Eleanor had been close much closer than Chuck and Eleanor, he had grown up thinking that she would one day be his mother-law. This recognition caused Chuck to realize that Vanessa was probably much more in tune with Nate right now than he was. She was still in love with him, Chuck suddenly understood and gained back a little more of his ordinary self. He felt the need to find out just what was going on here. A girl in love could be dangerous and he could see the potential in Vanessa's eyes. She wanted Nate and if Jenny and Nate didn't know things were going to get messy. "Does he know how you feel?" Chuck asked.

Vanessa nodded. "I think so. I mean he should. I wrote him a note telling him how I felt right after he went through the whole scandal. I haven't gotten the chance to speak to him for so long though. He was so wrapped up in Blair's wedding and her leaving, then we got out of school for Christmas and he went to France so I wasn't even seeing him."

"I see." Chuck immediately noted that Vanessa's eyes shifted at her last statement. That was an interesting development; she had been following Nate, not to mention she had written him a love note. The only note he knew about was the unsigned one that Nate thought was from Jenny, could it have been from Vanessa? This was all getting too weird. He had been right before, Nate and Jenny were going to have to know about this but he had to get back to his place, or else his and Marcus's earlier arrangement wasn't going to work out as planned. So he got Vanessa a cab and saw that she was on her way to Brooklyn and away from Nate before getting in a cab of his own, he was still leaving the limo for Blair's use.

* * *

"Where are we going S?" Blair snapped as Serena led her to Chuck's limo. She was still agitated about Vanessa and was ready for everyone to just leave her alone for a while and Chuck had disappeared to God knows where. Good, that was good, for once in the past two years Chuck Bass was the last person that she wanted to see. He stood the best chance of forcing her to feel something and right now she didn't want to crack the numbness, she wanted to stay like this until it passed.

Serena gave Blair a sad smile. "My house, I have a surprise for you." She was surprised that Blair hadn't already guessed that Chuck had arranged this. It was perfect, Marcus simply thought he was giving Blair some alone time with one of her best friends. He had no idea that she was taking him straight to Chuck.

Blair reluctantly got into the car and flashed a look back at Marcus who was waiting on the curb, waving good bye. At least Serena would stay on the surface with any sort of comforting, she wouldn't try to get in too deep like Chuck or Jenny. Blair would be able to tolerate Serena for a few hours and manage to stay perfectly numb.

Marcus watched on as Serena and Blair got into Chuck's limo and for a moment he wanted to stop her. He had agreed to Chuck's plan because he was desperate to help Blair and he knew that it wasn't something that he could do but right now he knew where this "not-so-secret" meeting could lead and it made him nauseous. He didn't want Blair and Chuck to sleep together, the thought made him want to rip Blair out of the limo and take her back to London. But he loved her and that was enough to stop him.

* * *

Chuck was waiting not so patiently when he finally heard the door open; he was beginning to think that Marcus had changed his mind about going through with this. Serena walked in followed by Blair.

Serena smiled at Chuck before turning to head upstairs. "I'm going to give the two of you some alone time."

Blair glared at Serena. "S, what are you doing?" No, no, no, no. How could she not have realized what was going on earlier? Serena was bringing her to Chuck.

"This is your surprise B. I love you." She said softly before disappearing up the stairs.

Blair turned back to face Chuck, an indignant look on her face. She wasn't going to say anything; one word might be enough to break down her carefully constructed walls and she wasn't going to let that happen. One look at him told her that he was going to try.

_**There's some things we don't talk about  
rather do without  
and just hold the smile  
falling in and out of love  
ashamed and proud of  
together all the while**_

Chuck, who had been leaning against the door frame to his bedroom, took a step forward. "So you don't want to be alone with me?" He asked, masking the hurt from his voice. He knew why she didn't want to be around him, he could see it in her eyes. She knew that he was the only one who stood a chance at breaking through the fortress she had built up around herself and of course that was exactly what he intended to do.

Blair narrowed her eyes; she wasn't giving in; not today, not ever. She never wanted to feel the way that she had that day in the airport ever again, she wouldn't survive it. "I'm calling Marcus to come pick me up." She said defiantly even though she knew she was being irrational.

_**You can never say never  
why we don't know when  
time and time again  
younger now than we were before**_

Chuck rolled his eyes taking another step towards her. "No you aren't Blair. You hate Marcus." The distance between them could be closed in only a few seconds if she actually did try to call Marcus.

"It's better than being stuck alone with you." She bit back, not even knowing where the statement came from. It wasn't true.

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

Chuck took another step towards her. "You don't mean that." He could see her defenses cracking just by his nearness to her.

Blair couldn't even manage to emphasize her statement with a nod. "I do too." She sounded like a child.

Another step and they were almost touching. Chuck reached up a hand to brush her cheek.

"Don't" She whispered, a plea in her voice. He was too close.

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

"Why?" Chuck asked his voice low. Blair didn't answer and Chuck moved his had closer to her face.

Blair bit her lip, knowing that he was going to kiss her one way or the other. "Because you make me feel and I don't want to feel it."

"I know." Chuck spoke, his words vibrating between them in the closed space. "But you have to feel Blair." With that he brushed his hand along her jaw, running it into her hair. He bent head slowly, bringing his lips to meet hers, moving his mouth against hers. Almost instantly, he felt her go weak in the knees.

_**Picture you're the queen of everything  
as far as the eye can see  
under your command**_

The second his lips touched hers, the flood gates burst open. She felt. She felt passion, she felt pain, and more than either she felt loss. Her fists latched onto Chuck's shirt as the tears started falling and she pushed into the kiss, deepening it.

Chuck held her to him, as she kissed him with everything inside of her. She was releasing it, she was using it, funneling it into passion; but that was okay, at least she was feeling it. So Chuck acquiesced and matched her fervor. When she started pushing him towards his bedroom, he complied and yanked off his tie as they went.

_**I will be your guardian  
when all is crumbling  
steady your hand**_

Blair realized that Chuck wasn't fighting her and stopped pushing so that she could undress herself making quick work of her jacket and gloves; she jerked the headband out of her hair and reaching for the zipper on her dress. She was acutely aware of the fact that she was crying but she didn't care, she had to keep moving. As she stepped out of her dress she noticed that Chuck was pulling off his undershirt, only his boxers left. She grabbed for him, knowing he would take care of the rest of their clothes once they were in the bed.

Her kisses were insistent and hungry. She nibbled on his lip before pushing him backwards onto the bed and tearing off his boxers; he did the same with her remaining undergarments and pulled her mouth down to his.

_**You can never say never  
why we don't know when  
time, time and time again  
younger now then we were before**_

Blair dug her fingers into his hair, she was holding on so tightly that she knew it had to be painful. Chuck moved his mouth down to kiss and suck on her neck. He heard her gasp as she he sucked on her most sensitive spot at her neck. He began moving down her body, kissing his way down, sucking on the curve of her breasts, touching as much of her as he could. He grasped her thighs pulling her legs over his shoulders, bringing his mouth down to her.

Blair knew the joys of Chuck's mouth, the pleasure that he could bring her and right now it wasn't what she needed. Instead she tugged his head and brought him back to her lips where she spoke through tears. "I need you inside me Chuck." As she spoke she reached down, guiding him to her entrance.

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

As he entered her, Chuck wanted to give her whatever it was that she needed. He wanted to fill the emptiness that he had forced her to feel. He moved within her as she matched him thrust for thrust. Her tears quickening with their pace. Soon she was sobbing as they continued.

His pace started to slow and he reached down brushing some of the tears off her face. Only then, looking down at Blair did he realize that he was crying too. He leaned forward and kissed her, their tears mingling together as they had done only once before.

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

When he pulled out his heart shattered into what seemed like a thousand pieces. Blair still sobbing tucked herself against him, holding to him as though if she let go, she might die. It was worse this time than that day in the airport. In the airport there had been shock, there had been denial, there had been anger. Now, not even the passion from earlier remained; now there was only grief and loss.

* * *

The first thing Chuck noticed when he woke up was the emptiness beside him, he immediately turned towards the only source of noise in the room. Blair was completely dressed leaning over his dresser writing a note.

"What are you doing Blair? Chuck said, knowing just what she was doing. She looked up at him and gave him the saddest of smiles but didn't answer his question. "You know I have everything set up in London, I'll follow you."

Blair shook her head and sat down on the bed. "No you won't Chuck. I'm not going to let you."

Chuck immediately began reaching for his clothes. "You're crazy if you think I'll let you do this, Blair. I'm not losing you again, not now, not ever."

_**We're pulling apart and coming together again and again  
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again**_

Blair reached out and touched his arm. "You don't have a choice Chuck. Marcus will be here any minute, I called him to come pick me up and I told him about the plan for you to come to London."

Chuck's eyes widened in alarm and anger. "Why Blair, why would you do that?"

She shook her head slightly. "I'm protecting you Chuck. I won't risk you getting caught or you ruining your life here. I spoke to your father at the wake; I know he is going to put you in charge of the Matherson Account." Chuck looked away guiltily; he had been keeping that from her. "And I know you were going to give that up for me, so I made the decision that was best."

"It wasn't your decision to make Blair." Chuck replied furiously. How dare she decide what was best for him? "You're wrong though."

Her look was almost condescending. "Wrong about what?"

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

"You're what are best for me." Chuck replied as he held on to her hand. "And you had no right."

Blair shrugged. "Maybe not but I did it, and I'm leaving for London tonight."

Chuck's jaw clenched. He couldn't remember a time that he was this angry at Blair; he was seeing red at that moment. "Fine." He spat. "You want to leave, leave." When she didn't move he shouted. "I said GET OUT."

Blair looked at him, slightly startled. She hadn't expected him to turn that quickly but she knew better than anyone what Chuck was capable of when he was mad. So she stood from the bed. "I'll write you." She said softly.

_**Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go**_

Chuck narrowed his eyes, all rational thought had flown out the window the moment she told him what she had done and right now he was barely cognizant of what he was saying. "I won't read them."

As Blair continued walking out of the room she turned and said into the room. "I love you Chuck." She ignored the pain that she felt when for the first time, he didn't respond.

Blair wiped the tears from her eyes as she stepped into the town car Marcus had called to take them to the airport. She didn't say a word, immediately looking out the window at the Palace Hotel which currently held a very angry Chuck Bass. But she gained solace in knowing that she had made the right decision, she had done what was best for everyone.

Marcus wasn't sure whether or not he should disturb Blair. He couldn't help but think that her tears were a good sign as horrible as it might sound. Finally he had to ask the same question he had been asking for a week. "Are you okay?"

Blair could hear the sincerity in Marcus's voice and for the first time in days she gave him a true response. "No." She said softly as she looked at him. "Not tonight."

Marcus nodded grimly and placed his hand on her hand. He was surprised that she didn't immediately move hers and more surprised after a few minutes when she turned her hand over in his and held his. "Are you sure you want to travel back to London tonight? We can stay in New York for a few more days; Chuck can even come stay at the house with us." Marcus offered as generously as he could. Now that Blair seemed to be accepting what had happened he didn't want to set her back by pulling her away from everything.

Blair shook her head. They couldn't stay in New York. She needed to make the break from Chuck now or else she wouldn't be able to do it and Chuck would realize that she hadn't actually told Marcus about their plans. "No, I think it's time we go home."

**Gossip Girl here on this dreadfully sad day. Too bad I didn't see a single tear grace our Queen's cheek. What's with the frozen exterior B? Seems like N has been with her more than anyone today, leaving both LM and C in the background. And what's with V party crashing B's mom's wake? Show some respect for the dead V and keep your cat fights for another time. Looks like B is returning to London without C this time. Well we knew the truce between C and LM couldn't last long. Our hearts are with you B. **

**xoxo  
gossipgirl **

**

* * *

A/N: As I'm sure you have all noticed the storyline I mentioned earlier was the one involving Vanessa. I will admit that I had forgotten about her and a certain fascination she had for Nate, along with that note that she had written him. I figured now was as good a time as any to let her back into the storyline (for those that hate Vanessa don't worry she isn't going to be a major character or anything, about like before probably). Hope you enjoyed it, 6 or 7 more to go!**

**The song was Never Say Never by the Fray**

**Reviews are always appreciated**

**xoxo  
Kate**


	50. The Lost Letter

**A/N: I'm back at school, boo. I got accepted at the Business School, yay! Ugh I have a paper to write tonight and did this instead :) So not sure if I like it or not but here it is. Hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** smartin555, ana-12, tvrox12, those3littlewords, Butterflies In My Stomach, LayRay, EZ11, ggff-fan, R.I.P Casey3, KB22, CarolinaGirl22, bluestriker, annablake, **and **LitPrincess2787**

* * *

Blair sighed as she looked out the window in Cammie's room. She had been listening to Chuck's ipod, again even though she knew it wasn't good for her. He hadn't written. It had been a week, plenty of time for a letter to have gotten here but still there had been nothing. She had left a letter with Jenny to give to Chuck to explain to him how hard this decision had been for her and It hurt to know that Chuck was letting his anger stop him from writing her back. Of course he might not have even read her letter. There was just so much going on that she wanted to tell him.

She wanted to let him know that she was grieving now, that every morning when she woke up it still hurt but instead of pushing the pain away she lived with it. She didn't try to overanalyze her mother's death, or dwell on her sorrow but she didn't ignore the fact that she was hurting either. Blair knew that it was what Chuck had wanted.

She wanted to tell him how sick she had been lately. It had gotten so bad that Marcus had gotten suspicious. The strangest part was that she couldn't remember a time when she had been sick like this without making herself ill; but since coming back from New York she hadn't been able to keep hardly anything down. She supposed the stress from the wedding plans was finally getting to her.

This wedding was going to be bigger and grander that the last by a mile, after all it was to be done for the Queen. There were so many details to be taken care of in the next two and a half weeks that she didn't think that all of them could be managed. Her dress of course was beautiful as were the flowers but she felt as though there was so much more that had to be done.

Blair looked down at her calendar on her desk, the only thing that she was supposed to do today had been crossed off. She was supposed to attend a ribbon cutting ceremony together but she needed to go with Kate to make sure that the children's outfits all fit for the wedding. Justine was to be her flower girl as Blair had promised, while little Garrison would be the ring bearer and Mitchell would be one of Marcus's groomsmen, Emma was simply too young or she would have been in the wedding as well. Kate was to be her maid of honor, the other bridesmaid positions being filled by relatives of Marcus, both the Dutchesses of York were included as well as other European notables; but their final fittings weren't until this weekend. Either way, it meant that Blair was busy with alternative things today and Marcus would have to attend the ribbon cutting alone.

* * *

Chuck sighed to himself as he got into his limo. He was going to meet the gang for dinner before some sort of party that Jenny was hosting tonight. It was strange trying to get readjusted with New York when he had made peace with the fact that he wasn't going to be a part of this life for a long time to come. But then Blair had spilled the beans to Marcus and left for London, without him. He had been so angry, so furious with her for making that decision for him that he had done and said things that he would never mean in a thousand years.

As soon as Jenny had brought him Blair's letter he had read it and written her back. He hadn't even let Jenny leave the room before responding and giving her the letter to mail. Blair's message to him had said all he had expected it to say. Of course as soon as his anger had cleared he had understood that she was simply doing for him what he was trying to do for her. He pulled it out of his pocket, silently cursing himself for his weakness and inability to go without reading it every time he thought of her.

_Chuck,_

_I am so sorry for doing that, for leaving you and for telling Marcus about our plans, and I know how angry you must be right now. But know that I did it because I love you. You did so much for me last night, more than anyone has ever done before, you broke through all of my barriers, all the walls and found me when I had locked myself away from the world as thoroughly as possible. I didn't want to feel the pain of my mother's death but you were right, it was something I had to feel. Or else I was going to be walking through life like some sort of zombie. Not only did you help me to feel again, you showed me that it was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay. _

_Leaving you was something that I did in a moment of great strength. You deserve better than what you would get by following me to London and it is the least that I can do for you right now. Know that I'm not giving up on us and that I believe in my heart of hearts that there will be a day when we will find a way to be together but that isn't today. Be safe and take care of yourself. _

_All my love,_

_Blair W_

Even after their fight, Chuck could feel the hope laced within every word of Blair's letter and knew that she wasn't lying when she said that she wasn't giving up. Chuck could see now what he had been unable to see then, Blair wasn't abandoning him she was just saying that they needed to bide their time. So that's what Chuck was doing, he was biding his time until the opportunity arose for them to escape together because just like Blair he knew that one day it was going to happen.

* * *

Marcus could hardly believe how the last week had gone. It had been better than anything he could have imagined. Blair was grieving but she was doing so in a way that was healthy and they were back in London away from Chuck. Not to mention, Blair had been acting like their argument in France had never even happened. It was as though things were back to the way they were right before Blair left for France; he couldn't have asked for more.

Today she was busy with wedding preparations so he was going to some Charity Ribbon Cutting Ceremony alone. He hated these things and Blair made them bearable but all things considered, he understood. He didn't even notice the look of surprise on Roland's face that it was Marcus he was opening the door for instead of Blair.

Roland wasn't sure what to do. He had been expecting Blair not Marcus. Normally this wouldn't be an issue but Blair had received a letter from New York today and it was currently sitting in the back seat of the town car as per usual. He knew if he reached back for the letter it would only make Marcus suspicious; it was better to allow him to think it was simply a letter from Jenny in Brooklyn that he should ignore, rather than drawing special attention to the letter.

Marcus noticed the letter on the center consol as soon as he got in the car. Why on earth did Blair have mail in the back seat of the town car? He looked to Roland, immediately realizing that this was some arrangement of theirs. So Roland gave Blair her mail in the car, but why would that ever be necessary unless there was something they were hiding.

Roland watched Marcus in the rearview mirror to see just what he would do and cringed as Marcus reached to pick up the letter.

Marcus studied the letter closely. It was from Brooklyn which would normally mean that it was from Jenny but there was no reason to keep a letter from Jenny secret now was there. On that thought Marcus flipped the letter over and tore the seal, suddenly infused with a desire to know what it contained.

As Marcus ripped open the letter Roland couldn't stop himself from saying something. "Sir, should you really be opening your wife's mail?"

Immediately Marcus locked eyes with Roland; he was already furious that Roland was helping Blair keep something from him, but that Roland would continue to interfere only made him further incensed. "If you have any desire to keep your job you will sit quietly while I read whatever I damn well please." Marcus said through clenched teeth as he unfolded the letter and began to read. After less than a sentence, his heart was in the pit of his stomach, the letter was from Chuck.

_Blair, _

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never should have said the things I said that night, I was angry and acting childish, but I'll get to that later. Jenny is throwing a Holiday Bash Ball next week that is worthy of you. I've never seen her throw herself into planning a party quite this much but it's going to be crazy. Nate's doing well too, your mom's death effected him more than anyone but you seemed to realize, but he is pulling through just like you will. Something I meant to tell you earlier, Vanessa seems to still be carrying a torch for Nate, she mentioned something about a letter she wrote him anonymously. I'm not certain what's going on with Punky Bruster but I think she might have gotten a little deranged. I am going to have to warn Nate and Jenny about her. Serena and Dan are just fine, you could hardly get them away from one another over the past week, it seems like the Holiday Season is their favorite time of year. _

_Please, don't be sorry, I know why you did what you did and I'm not angry at you anymore; I never should have been. You were always just doing what was best for me. I didn't mean a word I said that night, I wanted to take it all back immediately but you were already gone. Of course I will still read your letters, they mean so much to me, you mean so much to me. I don't even know why I got so angry with you, I think I was still let down that we never got a chance to run away together in France and I thought being together in London was going to work out. I know now that you are right, it wasn't time; but I refuse to let this second wedding happen Blair. One day you are going to put on the ring I gave you for Christmas, I swear to you that you will. We are going to find a way to be happy, a way to be together. I'm never giving up on us. _

_Always,_

_C Bass_

Marcus had barely finished reading when he opened the door and stepped out of the car, he had not given the order to drive so they were still sitting in front of the house, something that turned out to be quite convenient as Marcus marched straight inside. He knew where Blair was but he wasn't quite ready to deal with her, he had some investigating to do first.

Marcus went immediately to his quarters to grab a key that was never supposed to have existed. He had made a copy of the key to Camille's rooms before giving one to Blair. Yes it had been dishonest, since he told her she carried the only copy but he had never intended to use it. It was only there in case Blair lost hers. Right now he felt as though she had violated his trust, for that she didn't deserve a private room.

As soon as he had the key, he went into the secret passageway and up to Camille's rooms. Marcus was angrier than he'd ever been and immediately began opening drawers and searching their contents. From the sound of Chuck's letter there were others and he had every intention of finding them. After opening every drawer and container in the living area he moved upstairs to Cammie's bedroom and started his search. Marcus knew that he was leaving the room in disarray but he didn't give a damn. He was beginning to think that the letters weren't up here when tried to open the desk drawer and found that he couldn't. It was locked. He inserted the room key into the drawer and realized immediately that it would fit, he opened the drawer to find not just one or two but several letters, every single one from Chuck. This had been going on since November and Roland had been helping her keep it a secret. Not just that, Roland must have known that Chuck was in France. How had they even managed that? He showed up without any announcement, unless Jenny and the rest of the New York brats had found a way to call and let Blair and Chuck know; that's why Jenny had been stalling. Damn it, he was a fool, he had allowed Blair to get away with everything because he didn't want to push her away, he was done with that, there would be no more allowances being made.

Marcus was seeing red as he made his way downstairs to the formal living room where they were doing the fittings. He walked in and straight to Blair, who was sitting in one of the chairs watching the fitting. "Come with me?"

Blair looked up at Marcus startled, she gave him a smile. She had forgotten how much he hated ribbon cutting ceremonies. "I can't this time, I need to be here for the rest of the fitting. You'll be fine on your own just this one time."

Marcus reached down and grabbed her arm. "I'm not talking about the ribbon cutting Blair, I'm telling you to come with me, immediately." He tightened his fingers on her forearm and began to tug slightly to pull her up.

What was going on? Blair thought as she looked up at Marcus. She had been surprised before and hadn't noticed his irate tone or the look in his eye. Marcus was infuriated and she had no idea why. "You're hurting me." She said softly looking down at her arm.

At that Marcus jerked her to her feet, paying no attention to the other people in the room. He didn't loosen his hold on Blair's arm he simply started walking, dragging her behind him.

As Marcus started off down the hallway and then into the secret passageway, Blair had no choice but to follow or he would have literally been dragging her. "What's going on Marcus? What's wrong?" She said as she stumbled on a set of stairs and he kept walking, pulling her behind him.

Marcus didn't even answer, he didn't think he could without blowing up at her right there and he didn't want to get so mad that he would do something to injure her. So he simply continued walking.

Blair was scared. It had been a long time since she had actually been scared of Marcus. "Let go of me." She said her voice almost pleading. "Or at least loosen your grip a little, you're really hurting me."

"Good." Marcus spat as he continued jerking her up the last set of stairs to the entrance to Cammie's room.

As they approached the doorway, Blair began to reach for her key, she kept it on a bracelet around her wrist but was startled to see the door open. "I didn't leave that unlocked."

Marcus glanced back at Blair as they stood in front of Camille's rooms. "I know, I did."

Blair inhaled sharply, if Marcus had a key to these rooms he could have seen so much, there was so much she had been hiding from him in there. Oh my God, the letters. That's when she knew, Marcus knew about the letters but how? How as that possible? "So wait you've had a key this whole time?" She asked, getting angry as well as anxious. "Have you been spying on me?"

Marcus narrowed his eyes. "No Blair, I have not been spying on you, the other key was in case you ever lost that one. I trusted you. I gave you your own rooms so that you could have privacy. Yet you used them to keep your little secret didn't you?" He asked rhetorically as he began pulling Blair into the rooms and up the stairs once more. As soon as they were inside of Cammie's bedroom he let go of Blair's arm and slammed the door shut.

Blair couldn't help but jump. He was so angry. The only explanation possible was that he had seen the letters yet as she looked over to the desk, she found it locked. She looked back to Marcus and saw a look on his face that she had never seen before. He looked as though he hated her. "You didn't open the drawer." She said softly.

Marcus almost rolled his eyes. Of course he had opened the drawer, he simply wanted to make her do it. "No I thought I would let you do the honors." He said gesturing. "So go ahead, open it."

Blair knew her hand was shaking as she slid the key into the lock and turned it, pulling open the drawer and revealing the letters.

"Pick one and read it." Marcus said menacingly. "Aloud."

That's when she knew, Marcus had already read the letters, he was doing this to punish her. She picked up and random letter and began, doing her best to keep a steady voice. "Blair, your last letter made me laugh. The next time Marcus's mom tries to put you in an ugly wedding dress . . ."

Marcus held up a hand. "Skip to the good part Blair, the last few lines."

Blair glared at Marcus but immediately complied. "I miss you too. I wish I didn't have to miss you. I hate missing you. I sleep a lot now; or so Jenny and Nate tell me. I do it because when I sleep I dream of you and it's almost enough. I love you. Always have, always will, C. Bass."

"Pick another Blair." Marcus ordered.

Blair did, noticing that it was Chuck's first letter. "Blair, It killed me to think that you had left without a word. I turned off my cell dreading the text that you would send but when I turned it back on, your's was the only name I looked for. I read Gossip Girl's posts now only to learn what tiny bit of information that she knows about you, hoping that that will be enough to get me through another day without you."

"You can stop there." Marcus said laughing. "The poor boy seems to really be pining over you doesn't he Blair. It's too bad you didn't get to see more of each other over the Holiday's isn't it?" He said with raised eyebrows.

Blair's eyes went wide. Marcus knew about Christmas in France; he knew that Chuck was there. "Sergio told you?" She finally asked.

Marcus was slightly taken aback. Sergio had known as well. He thought it had just been Roland. "So Sergio knew too? I guess that means I have two employees to fire instead of just one."

"Marcus don't . . ." Blair stopped as Marcus smacked her across the side of her face.

"I would keep my mouth shut if I were you Blair. You are in no position to be arguing someone else's case at the moment." He said speaking down at her. "Now why don't you read one more letter for me and you can go ahead and skip to the second paragraph." He said as he handed her the letter from today.

Blair noticed immediately that this was a new letter. Her first thought was of excitement that Chuck had written her back yet she realized that this was how Marcus had known, he had gotten her letter. "Please, don't be sorry, I know why you did what you did and I'm not angry at you anymore; I never should have been. You were always just doing what was best for me. I didn't mean a word I said that night, I wanted to take it all back immediately but you were already gone. Of course I will still read your letters, they mean so much to me, you mean so much to me. I don't even know why I got so angry with you, I think I was still let down that we never got a chance to run away together in France and I thought being together in London was going to work out. I know now that you are right, it wasn't time; but I refuse to let this second wedding happen Blair. One day you are going to put on the ring I gave you for Christmas, I swear to you that you will. We are going to find a way to be happy, a way to be together. I'm never giving up on us. Always, C. Bass." Blair finished close to tears. Chuck had written her back but somehow in this one letter he managed to reveal all of their secrets, everything that she hadn't been telling Marcus was in the open.

Marcus looked down at her in disgust. "So lets see, you've been writing letters to your secret lover, you had a rendezvous with said lover in France where you were planning on running away together, he was going to come stay in London where you were going to continue to sneak around with him, he intends on preventing our upcoming nuptials, and he has proposed to you. Is that all?" He spat.

Blair was shaking all over at this point, no wonder Marcus was furious. "That's all." She practically whispered.

"Give me the ring." Marcus commanded as he leaned down and jerked her to her feet.

Blair's eyebrows shot up. No, he couldn't do that, he couldn't take it. "I don't have it. Chuck kept it."

This time Marcus did roll his eyes. "I saw where you placed your hand when you read that part of the letter. Now give me the ring or I'll take it myself."

She didn't have a choice, she knew that Marcus wasn't kidding, so Blair reached up with trembling hands and unclasped her necklace before pulling the chain out of her shirt, along with the ring and placing it in Marcus's open palm. As she did she couldn't stop the first tears from falling down her face.

"Don't start crying now. I'm just getting started." Marcus hissed. "You just thought you were in prison before, your every move is going to be watched for the rest of your life. You can say goodbye to any illusion of alone time you might have had. You've lost that privilege along with any other. Nothing is a right for you anymore. You will do what I want, when I want and nothing else. Now sit down, you're going to write a letter."

Blair looked up at Marcus confused. "I don't understand." She knew Marcus wasn't allowing her to give a response to Chuck's letter so it had to be something else.

Marcus smirked. "You are going to write a letter to Chuck, ending things with him permanently. Make him think that you've decided to actually make things work with me and that writing to him is only going to keep you holding on to the past."

"He won't believe it Marcus, he'll know it's not really me." Blair said shaking her head.

"That's the fun part Blair, you've already taken care of that little problem. From the sounds of that last letter you already got close to doing just that, so I'm guessing Chuck will readily believe you." Marcus said handing Blair pen and paper.

Blair shook her head again. "I won't do it Marcus. You can make me marry you, you can treat me like a prisoner, but you can't make me write this letter. "

Marcus laughed before becoming deathly serious. "Write the letter or I'll have Chuck Bass dead within the hour. One phone call is all it would take Blair, one call."

"You wouldn't." Blair said shaking her head in doubt. But even as she did she noticed the way Marcus's eyes gleamed. The man who claimed to love her wasn't there any more; the monster was back.

"Like hell Blair. Now write the damn letter." Marcus spat.

Blair knew she didn't have a choice. Marcus was serious. He would really kill Chuck. All she could do was comply with his wishes. So she did it. She wrote the most difficult letter that she had ever written before handing it to Marcus for approval.

Marcus read the letter carefully, looking for any sign that she was trying to tip Chuck off in the letter. "Good job Princess." He said before brushing his fingers through her hair and watching her shiver at his touch.

Blair's stomach turned at his touch, afraid of what he might want next.

"Don't worry, I'll save that for the wedding night." Marcus said, openly leering. "Now lets get you back to that fitting shall we."

Blair followed him but she could barely breath. She needed a bathroom and knew there wasn't one, so she picked up the trash can next to her desk and puked up the contents of her stomach. This was hell.

**

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A/N: I know it's kind of short and extremely unhappy. Hopefully another chapter soon!**

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo**

**kate**


	51. The Shut Down

**A/N: I'm back from spring break with an update for you guys. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** RIP Casey3, Stella296, xoxogg4lifexoxo, EZ11, CarolinaGirl21, tvrox12, bluestriker666, LayRay, chairlovforever, ggff-fan, LitPrincess2787, Juicyxoxocharm16, KB22, smartin555, annablake, and odyjha.**

* * *

Chuck was filled with an excruciating happiness the moment he saw Blair's letter, Jenny must have dropped it by the apartment today. A letter meant that Blair had forgiven him for the way he acted, he knew it. So Chuck couldn't stop smiling as he ripped it open. Perhaps had he not been so elated, the letter's contents wouldn't have been so utterly devastating.

_Chuck, _

_This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I wrote my letter to you before we had our confrontation and now the words that I said aren't necessarily the truth. The things that you said to me that night proved something to me that I had long been attempting to disprove. I had built you up in my mind to be this amazing guy who would love me unconditionally, but seeing you like that when I was just trying to protect you showed me that I was wrong. I can't trust that you will always be there for me like I can with Marcus. Even when I really screw up Marcus is there with open arms ready to comfort me. On the way back to London he and I talked and I realized that I have to give my marriage with him a chance if I ever want to be happy. All we have are a few letters that do more harm than good, intermingled with quick meetings that leave be broken because I know that we will never truly be together. I don't see a future with us like there could be with Marcus; we don't live the same life anymore. Please don't try to contact me again Chuck, it's too painful. I need to make a clean break this time. But you should know that I will always love you and I hope that you find happiness._

_Blair W. _

Chuck's hands were shaking as he came to the end of the letter. This had to be a fake, it had to be. But it was Blair's handwriting and everything about it was so her, from the wording to the last line wishing him fucking happiness. Fuck it even smelled like her. Still he couldn't believe it, she wouldn't do this, she wouldn't break things off so suddenly; but after what he had said to her a few weeks ago, could he really be surprised that she decided to give Marcus a shot. He had seen with his own two eyes that Marcus genuinely cared for her and was willing to give her the world without garnering anything in return.

_**I am colorblind,  
Coffee black and egg white.  
Pull me out from inside.**_

That's when he began to feel the heaviness. It was a heaviness that he recognized, one that had been gone since the beginning of junior year when Blair illuminated his world. She had been the one to smash through his carefully constructed fortress and now that she was gone there was no reason for this openness to remain.

He felt it inside as the incredible weight of hard stone began to settle in as he believed the truth of the letter. The weight seemed to crush him, squeezing all his emotions and feelings until they were crumbled into nothing more than dust; a dust that was able to be blown away with a slight breath. And then they were gone.

The coldness that remained after the weight had crushed in upon him was chilling, he felt dead on the inside . . . and it felt good. It was as though he was himself once more without the feelings that Blair had awakened. All the pain, both the excruciating and the delightful was gone; she would no longer plague his dreams or invade his psyche. This relationship was over by her hand and now he refused to feel anything at all.

_**I am ready,  
I am ready,  
I am ready,**_

_**I am....**_

Time passed strangely over the next two weeks. Nate and Jenny each knew that something was off in the group dynamic, Chuck was acting strangely; almost as though he and Blair had never happened. Jenny of course knew that the letters had stopped from both directions but had received no information from Blair or Chuck as to why. The only person she had shared this with had been Nate. Serena and Dan were still in their happy bubble and she didn't want to mess that up unless it was truly necessary.

As they sat in the library working, just Nate, Jenny, and Chuck, she couldn't help but think that Chuck even looked different, there was something missing in his eyes. He looked so much like the old Chuck Bass that it scared her down to her core. When she saw him stand to go get a book from the stacks she stood up and followed him. Once they were near the back of the library Chuck flipped around.

"Want to tell me what you're doing following me Humphrey?" Chuck asked snarkily.

_**Taffy stuck and tongue tied,  
Stutter shook and uptight.  
Pull me out from inside.**_

Jenny was immediately caught of guard; not simply because he had caught her, but because he hadn't called her Jenny. The last time he had called her Humphrey was before she and Blair were friends, before this year even started really. "I'm worried about you." She said honestly as she bit her lip. "You're not acting like yourself."

Chuck smirked and began to walk around her until he had her cornered, pressing his hands on either side of her against the stacks. "Funny, I think I'm acting more like myself than I have in years." He spoke moving his face closer to her own.

Jenny turned her chin up and spoke assuredly. "Cut it out Chuck. You are so much better than this."

Chuck's smirked turned into a sneer as he took one of his hands from the stacks and placed it on Jenny's stomach mockingly. "Does Nate know about our little secret yet?"

_**I am ready,  
I am ready,  
I am ready,  
I am...fine......**_

At that Jenny jerked away. Chuck was a different person, she was sure of it. He wasn't the same guy she had known over the past two years. He was not her friend, he was that guy who tried to force her to have sex with him on the top of the roof. "What happened to you Chuck?" She asked sadly as she looked into his empty eyes, searching for any sign of the guy she knew.

Chuck felt her eyes on him and had to back away or risk her seeing him, seeing the part of him that he had buried away inside the fortress. He felt a spark as she searched his eyes and had to put it out quickly so as not to let it spread. He knew though that he had to tell her something to get her off his case for good. She just needed enough to know that any relationship that he had had with any of them that was more than platonic was officially over. Chuck Bass didn't have friends, he had people that he partied with, he had girls he screwed, he had geeks he cheated off of, and he had enemies. "Blair ended things, for good. Now any reason I would have had to be a better person than I was is gone and I'm done trying."

_**I am covered in skin,  
No one gets to come in.**_

"I'm so sorry Chuck." Jenny said with a small gasp before recanting. "Are you sure she meant it?" Jenny asked trying to comfort her friend while hardly believing what he was saying. Blair loved Chuck, she would never do this. Even as she said the words she thought back to New Years in France. Sure she had spent time with Blair but they hadn't had any of those deep conversations where thoughts like these would emerge, something that was partially Jenny's fault because she felt so guilty for sleeping with Chuck.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Don't be. I'm doing fine."

Jenny was surprised to hear sincerity in his words. In Chuck's mind he really was fine. She knew immediately that there was nothing that she could do for him. This wasn't like the last time, when Blair left and Chuck acted like nothing was wrong. No, that time he had still felt everything he had just been pretending. Now, he truly felt nothing. It was a scary emptiness that Jenny had never before witnessed so closely.

_**Pull me out from inside.  
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding.**_

Jenny was still standing there shocked when Chuck decided that it might be fun to play with her a little bit. Something inside of him cringed, trying to hold him back, trying to tell him it was wrong, that Jenny was his friend; but he knew that if he wanted his old self back he couldn't let old 'friendships' remain. "You know, I think it might be fun to play a little game with Nathaniel. Maybe make a bet on what his reaction is going to be when I tell him about our little indiscretion."

Jenny was opening her mouth to ask why Chuck was doing this to her when she realized that it wasn't about her; none of it was. "You're destroying your life." She stated softly.

Chuck smirked. "It will be fun to watch it all go up in flames. I'm not joking about Nathaniel though. What I said before remains, either you tell him or I'll make sure he finds out and I can guarantee that you aren't going to like how that happens." Chuck said before turning from Jenny and walking away. He looked down at his shirt noting that he had chosen brighter colors than he had in a long time. For a moment it caused reflection. When he had Blair the colors he wore faded, if he had worn something quite this bright back then it would have seemed blinding; now they worked just fine.

_**I am,**_

_**colorblind,  
Coffee black and egg white.  
Pull me out from inside.**_

Jenny had to force herself to move after Chuck's parting comments. He was hurting, he was hurting so badly that he had shut everything down inside. But as bad for Chuck as she felt she knew that he was dangerous when he was like this; he wasn't kidding when he said that he would tell Nate. So she simply was going to have to bite the bullet and do it first. She walked up to the table and placed her hand on Nate's shoulder with this mission in mind. "Can you come outside with me for a minute?" She asked softly.

Nate looked up at her and smiled. "Sure." He spoke before pushing back his chair and following her outside the library door and into the hallway. "What's up?" He asked once they were safely out of earshot.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." She spoke, twisting her hands nervously.

_**I am ready,  
I am ready,  
I am ready,**_

Nate immediately saw the anxiety in her actions and heard the nerves in her voice. Lightly, he placed his hands on her shoulders in attempt to calm her. "Hey, whatever it is it's okay." He said sincerely.

Jenny felt as though she might collapse. What had she done? What she was about to say was going to ensure that she lost Nate for good. There was no way that he would still be looking at her with such loving eyes after what she was about to say. And just like that she couldn't do it, not without at least knowing whether or not she was pregnant. There was no reason to tell him that she thought she was pregnant if she wasn't. "It's Chuck, Blair broke up with him and I'm worried." She knew that that would be a good enough cover for Nate, he cared about his best friend.

"Wow" Nate said softly before he pulled Jenny into his arms. It was sweet how concerned she was about Chuck and this was definitely a big deal. "We'll be there for him any way we can." He spoke after a few moments.

"I know." She whispered as she relished the feel of Nate's arms around her. Who knew how much longer she would have this.

_**I am....fine.  
I am.... fine.  
I am fine.**_

* * *

Blair sat at the breakfast table refusing to show any emotion, any feeling at all. This wasn't like before when she closed herself off because of her mother's death, this was completely voluntary. She refused to be a willing participant in Marcus's game. She was here, he wasn't getting any more from her than that.

Blair took a sick sort of pleasure in watching Marcus struggle with the fact that she was being the ideal political wife; sit still, look pretty, and keep your mouth shut. Blair only ever spoke when spoken to and even then she kept her responses clipped. She knew that the spark was gone from her eyes again, she knew but she didn't care. The only way she could see that she would make it through this is by shutting herself off completely. Any emotions would simply cause her pain.

At the end of breakfast she was walking back up to her room to get ready for whatever today held when she felt Marcus place a hand on her shoulder. She turned slowly to glare at him. "Yes?" She asked demurely without a hint of a smile.

Marcus's grip on her shoulder tightened. "Stop this Blair." How could she act like this? She was like some sort of Stepford Wife, it wasn't normal. "This isn't the Blair I want."

Blair didn't even try to pretend. "You can keep me here, you can make me marry you, you can lock me away and never allow me human interaction other than you, but none of that will ever make me have feelings for you so why pretend otherwise. This may not be the Blair you want, but it's sure as hell the only Blair you're going to get."

Marcus felt his blood begin to heat up as it had done so often as of late. "Fine, but know that I take pleasure in knowing that the real Blair is somewhere inside of this hallow shell and that regardless of which Blair goes down that aisle both are going to be stuck with me."

As soon as Marcus finished speaking Blair turned and marched to her room. She was furious and that made her even more angry. Somehow Marcus had managed to get under her skin today and she really didn't want to feel any emotion at all right now, even anger. To keep busy she walked over to her calendar to see just what event she was getting ready for today. It had been a while since she had taken this close a look at her calendar, that's why the blue stars two rows up from the day's date, caught her off guard. Her period should have been three weeks ago, the week before Marcus found her letter. Blair's first thought was that she was stressed out, but as she recalled the stomach flu that she had contracted she felt a knot in her stomach, what if she was pregnant?

Immediately she started walking towards the main house and over into Kate's rooms. She knew that Kate was trying to get pregnant again, so she had to have a pregnancy test somewhere in her bathroom. Kate was gone for the weekend on a trip with her daughters so Blair didn't even have to worry about getting caught as she searched the bathroom drawers. Finally she spotted a test and for the second time in her life she followed the instructions on the back before sitting back and waiting. After what seemed like a century Blair picked up the test and looked down at the result.

* * *

Jenny's hands were shaking as she waited on the results from the pregnancy test. More than anything in the world she wanted the result to be negative. If it was negative all she had to tell Nate about was her one night stand with Chuck. Under the circumstances of that night, Nate might just forgive her; but if she was pregnant and the baby was Chuck's Nate would break up with her on the spot and who knows what Chuck would do now that he had decided to send his life up in flames. She could potentially be all alone in this, without help from Chuck or Nate. Finally she took a deep breath and looked at the result of the pregnancy test as it gave her her results.

**

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**

**A/N: No results today, you'll find out in the next chapter. Please review, you know I love getting them. **

**xoxo**

**kate**


	52. Blair's Big Disasterous Royal Wedding

**A/N: So I was surprised to find that I had an extra chapter written for this fanfic than I thought, which means you guys get an update! Yay! Bear with me through this chapter and remember what I've said in reviews, not everything is what it first appears to be. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** ana12, Sw33tHeart21, EZ11, CarolinaGirl21, LitPrincess2787, odyjha, tvrox12, smartin555, KB22, xoxogg4lifexoxo, ggff-fan, annablake, **and **EmilyEcstatic**

* * *

Blair stood wringing her hands as she waited for the car to arrive. She looked the picture perfect bride to be. Her sun dress pressed, her makeup precise, and not a curl on her head was out of place; but inside she was in turmoil. It was three days before the wedding and her friends were to arrive any minute. She had been dealing with everything so well but her friends could potentially make this a lot more difficult. They would do everything that they could to try to talk her out of this and if Chuck came who knew what would actually happen. As far as Chuck was concerned, she had been trying to keep herself pessimistic. She had been telling herself for over a week now that there was no way he would come after that awful letter; but her heart wasn't hearing it. Her heart was certain that he would show. Chuck loved her and he wouldn't miss an opportunity to see her, no matter the consequences or her opinion of the situation. Chuck never gave up; not when it came to them. The last song on the original iPod playlist had told her that much. He would always come for her. Blair could see Marcus approach out of the corner of her eye but she remained staring straight forward towards the doorway even when he addressed her.

Marcus wanted nothing more than to shake Blair until she cried; to do something, anything to bring the real Blair back. He had seen glimpses of her over the past few weeks in moments where she was caught off guard but nothing more. And regardless of what he had said to her, he didn't want this Blair, he wanted the real thing. There were a million other girls out there who could fill the role she was filling right now, albeit maybe not quite so precisely, but no one could be his Blair. It infuriated him that she didn't even glance his way as he spoke to her. "My driver just called they're pulling up the drive right now."

Blair gave a curt nod and stood from her place on the settee in the foyer; giving no more acknowledgement that she had heard Marcus at all. She took a deep breath before slowly exhaling. All she had to do was convince them that she was okay, that she had moved on to Marcus. That's why at that moment she reached out a hand and took hold of his, ignoring his curious look. This had to be a solid performance or they would never buy it.

Marcus's eyebrows shot up as he felt Blair's hand close over his. It took him a moment to realize that she was doing this to put up a united front. For whatever reason she didn't want them to think that the letter had been forced; she wanted them to believe that she had moved on and was happy or at very least content. It puzzled him but then dawned on him just how much she cared about her friends being happy and they weren't going to be happy if they thought she was miserable. He would play along, in fact the simple act of holding her hand had his heart pounding as though he were a fifth year school boy. As the door open he braced himself, he hadn't asked his driver whether or not Chuck had come with the group, knowing that dwelling on Chuck's possible arrival wouldn't do him any good.

Blair didn't have to force the smile that lit up her face as Serena stepped through the doorway and a mass of blond hair clouded her vision. "S!" She practically shrieked as her oldest friend enveloped her in a hug.

"It's so good to see you B." She spoke wrapping her arms tightly around Blair. It had been too long since they had seen each other especially if you discounted the funeral.

"You too S." Blair said as she placed her head on her shoulder before pulling away so as to greet the rest of her friends. She was unsurprised to find Dan next followed by Eric, each whom she exchanged hugs with before Nate appeared before her. His hug lasted a little longer as the sadness of their last meeting mingled with the familiarity of the embrace. "How are you?" She asked softly as she pulled back to see into his clear blue eyes.

Nate smiled slightly; Blair always had been more concerned about how he felt than how she did. "I think I'm supposed to be asking you that." He spoke before stepping aside for his girlfriend to take his place.

"Hey Blair." Jenny spoke before pulling her best friend toward her. The past few weeks had been so difficult for her. All she had wanted was to talk to Blair and tell her everything and she couldn't.

Blair was fighting tears as she hugged Jenny. "So he didn't come?" She asked quietly. It had not escaped her that in the group of faces that had walked through the door, none of them had been Chuck's and her heart was breaking at the realization that it had been wrong, Chuck really had given up.

Jenny just shook her head slightly, unable to actually form words. She had been shocked when she had walked into Chuck's room to find him sleeping in bed. When she had asked what he was doing he had responded with a great deal of certainty that he wanted nothing to do with this wedding. Blair was dead to him. Jenny had been unable to persuade him otherwise.

Blair simply shook herself slightly; it was better this way wasn't it? Now she didn't have to deal with him. So she plastered a smile on her face as Jenny tried to change the subject. "Were you holding Marcus's hand when we walked in?" Jenny asked almost disbelieving.

Blair had to force herself to maintain her happy exterior. "Yes, I want to make this work. I want this marriage to work."

"Why?" Jenny asked bluntly as she placed her hands on Blair's shoulder. What was with Blair? One second she was asking about Chuck but now she stood here proclaiming that she and Marcus were going to give this sham of a marriage a shot.

"Because I would rather not be miserable for the rest of my life." Blair retorted taking a step back. She had to stay strong, she had to; but she was losing control. All of her emotions that she had kept so far beneath the cool exterior that she was presenting were beginning to bubble forth in front of everyone present.

Jenny could see the anger and panic in Blair's eyes and knew that she needed to get her away from everyone. They needed to talk in private for so many reasons. Luckily the only people remaining in the room were Nate and Marcus, everyone else had gone to unpack and find their rooms. Jenny faced the boys. "We need some girl time."

Nate simply stood there not knowing what to say or do while Jenny motioned him along and Blair remained stoic, her eyes still angry. Marcus realized that he was going to have to take control of this situation. "Go up to Blair's room, she knows the way." Then to Nate he said. "Let's go, I'll show you to your room myself then we'll find something to do."

As the boys left Blair turned and started walking. Jenny was the singular person she could be real with and right now that was all she wanted, so the faster she got upstairs, the sooner she got to open up about everything that was going on. She traveled straight up to Cammie's rooms knowing that was what Marcus had meant when he was directing Jenny. And flopped down on the bed.

Jenny was awestruck as Blair took her through the mansion and what appeared to be a secret room. Right now though she knew better than to ask questions about something so frivolous, there were bigger things to deal with so she took a seat and said one word. "Spill."

And boy did Blair comply. She talked for what could have been an hour about Marcus finding the letters and how she had been handling everything and that now all she wanted to do was get everything over with. She could live a lie, it wasn't that difficult to do, she had done it for most of her life. She had done it until she and Chuck had become an 'us.' But in order for her to do that she had to be able to get past all of this. In the end she begged Jenny to keep everything to herself, swearing that it was the right thing.

Jenny agreed but as Blair finished she began pacing the room. "There's something I want to tell you." She began as she ran a hand through her hair. She wasn't going to tell Blair about sleeping with Chuck, she couldn't but she could open up about something else, something potentially worse. "I think I'm pregnant." She spoke, looking for Blair's reaction. The shock on Blair's face startled her to the point that she started babbling. "I took a test and it was positive but my period is so irregular that I don't even know and you know my hormones have been messed up ever since I stopped taking those regulator pills so who knows if the test was even right. But I don't want to tell Nate unless I know for sure." She finished, looking back at Blair who was sitting there quietly, simply listening and observing Jenny. Blair could tell that there was more so she didn't speak.

"And there's something else, it might not be Nate's." Jenny looked away, unable to meet Blair's eyes as she almost confessed what she and Chuck had done. "I slept with someone else once when Nate and I were fighting; I don't even really know the guy." She found her last statement was true even amongst the lies; she didn't really know Chuck, at least not anymore.

Blair nodded slightly, the information absorbed. "We'll go get Roland, he'll take us to a doctor and we'll get tests done."

Jenny was the one shocked this time. "You don't have to go with me Blair. I can wait and go when I get back to New York. Besides I don't think Marcus would be too happy about us disappearing . . ."

Blair shook her head slightly, already straightening her dress from where she had been rolling on the bed. "Marcus can kiss my ass and as for going with you, I said _we'll_ get tests for a reason. I took a home test and it was positive."

"Oh my God Blair, you and Marcus haven't . . .?" Jenny asked questioningly.

Blair almost laughed. "No."

"So if you're pregnant it's Chuck's?" She asked completely thrown off guard. If they were pregnant, it was a fifty/fifty chance that Chuck was the father of BOTH of their babies. This was getting more convoluted by the minute. Jenny sighed. "Okay let's go."

* * *

Little more than an hour later, Jenny and Blair sat in the waiting room anxiously. They had already had their tests done; they were simply waiting on the results. Normally, they would have had to go home and receive phone calls but because of who Blair was they were able to bi-pass a lot of red tape, and they were running the tests immediately. They should know within the next few minutes who, if either of them, was pregnant.

As the doctor walked into the room Jenny reached over and clasped Blair's hand. "No matter what happens, I'm here for you."

"You too." Blair said with a strained smile she didn't know whether she wanted a baby or not. Marcus would know of course that it was Chucks but other than Jenny no one else ever would. The thought made her sick but at the same time it would give her a little piece of Chuck to hold on to.

The doctor smiled at the young women."Well ladies I have each of your tests, would you like to do this separately or is together fine."

Jenny spoke nervously after exchanging a glance with Blair. "Together."

The doctor nodded understandingly. "Well I'm afraid I have good news and bad . . ." Each girl tensed knowing that the doctor meant that only one of them was pregnant. ". . . I'm sorry Ms. Waldorf you aren't pregnant, but congratulations Ms. Humphrey, your results were in fact positive."

The girl's hands tightened on each other. Blair was only slightly sad while she knew that Jenny was likely crushed. The girl didn't want to be pregnant. She was just a kid and Blair had been there before with the question of paternity, with Nate ironically enough. She knew how much it sucked and she knew that Jenny's life had just been turned upside down. On the way back to the house they were practically silent; but as they neared, Blair knew she had to ask Jenny something. "When are you going to tell Nate?" She asked softly.

Jenny closed her eyes, removing her head from its place against the window. "I was thinking I do it on the plane on the way home, that way we would have time to talk it out before he got a chance to run off. You know how Nate is when there's a problem; he doesn't deal, he gets high."

Blair couldn't help but laugh. Jenny was right, doing it on the plane would force Nate to be clear headed. "Well once you land, if you need me just call. Marcus is giving me an international cell phone finally so I'll be able to keep in touch easier. I think he's finally secure in that I won't simply call Chuck all the time."

Jenny nodded. "I will." She couldn't help the guilt in her gut because the very person who was offering her council would probably hate her if she knew just what Jenny was going to have to tell Nate. This couldn't have been more twisted and as they walked into the house, Jenny felt as though her life really and truly was starting to crumble around her feet.

* * *

The next two days seemed to pass by in a blur. The wedding plans were coming together all around her and there was nothing she could or for that matter would be doing to stop it. After all this wedding was a mere formality for the Queen. She and Marcus were already legally married. So she filled her days with chats with her best friends and last minute wedding fittings and before she had even realized it, she was standing before the Queen taking her curtsy at her wedding reception. She waited in the receiving line as person after person of importance congratulated her, she ate the cake, she tossed the bouquet and she did it all with a smile on her face. It was almost over, all of the pomp and circumstance and then she could get on with this life that she didn't want. She was ready to simply have everything over with.

Jenny sighed as she watched Blair get ready to toss the bouquet, Blair had given up her life for Chuck and now Chuck hated her. It was a punishment more cruel than either Chuck or Blair deserved for the games they had once played with each other. But none of this would have happened if that hadn't had those games, if their insecurities hadn't led them here. Suddenly it was as though she had been hit by a ton of bricks. She couldn't keep doing this to Nate; she couldn't keep lying to him. The only thing that could come from that was more pain and heartbreak all around. She looked around the room until she found him, her eyes met Nate's and she knew for certain that she couldn't keep this inside anymore. She had to tell him. Jenny stepped out of the hoard of girls and walked over to Nate, placing a hand on his chest. "Hey." She spoke softly.

"Hey there." He replied placing his hand in her free one. "Do you want to dance?"

Jenny sighed, as much as she would love one last dance with Nate, she knew she couldn't hold back anymore. "Actually, can we go somewhere private and talk."

"Of course." Nate replied curious but still gentlemanly. What would be important enough that Jenny would want to leave Blair's reception to talk about it? After all they didn't have much time left here; their plane was leaving in a couple of hours. But since Jenny wanted to talk he led her out on to the veranda, offering her his jacket as he saw her shivering.

"Thanks." She mumbled before meeting Nate's gaze. "I need to tell you something and I need you not to say anything until I finish."

"Okay." Nate said softly, his heart pounding. This seemed serious.

Jenny took a deep breath and started talking. "I took a pregnancy test before leaving New York and it came out positive, so Blair and I went and got an official test done here. I'm pregnant."

As soon as Nate heard the words I'm pregnant, all thought of Jenny's request for him not to talk fled his mind. He reached out and brushed a hair behind her ears as he noticed she was crying. "Hey it's going to be okay."

Jenny exhaled shakily. "That's not all." She forced herself to meet his gaze. She couldn't tell him only part of it, she had to be truthful now or they would never have a prayer of getting past this. "I slept with someone else."

Suddenly it was as though the world blanked out in front of him. Everything was blurry and all he could see were Jenny's eyes. He had been completely blindsided by this. Never in a million years would he have thought that Jenny, sweet, innocent Jenny would have cheated on him. His heart was screaming at him to ask the all important question, so his mouth complied even though if someone had asked Nate wouldn't have remembered actually saying the word. "Who?" He asked, his voice low, the anger in it evident.

Jenny looked away knowing this was the most difficult part of all. "Chuck." She spoke through tears.

Nate hissed through his teeth. Chuck who was supposed to be in love with Blair had slept with his girlfriend . . . Again. "When?" He asked, unable to say more, yet seemingly operating on autopilot

"When you said that Blair was the love of your life, he comforted me, we hung out all day, then we got really drunk and we slept together. Both of us regretted it and you called and wanted to work things out and I didn't want to ruin that by telling you." Jenny said as strongly as she could, unaware of how alike her story was to one that Nate knew so well.

Nate couldn't help but see the similarities. Once more this was being attributed to him, to his wrong doing. Whether it was his inability to get over Serena or now his inability to get over Blair. When Blair and Jenny had each slept with Chuck they had done it because of something he had said to them, and then they hadn't told him because he had called wanting to get back together. But that didn't change the fact that it had happened. "I can't even look at you right now." Nate spoke turning away. Just the sight of Jenny made his stomach turn. Chuck had been inside her and he hadn't even known. How many times had they been together since then with him never knowing, never understanding who had touched her?

"Nate, I'm so sorry." Jenny spoke reaching out a hand and placing it on his shoulder.

Nate's muscles tensed and he jerked away. The more he stood there, the angrier he became. "How could you do that? How could you sleep with him?" Something else dawned on him as he accused Jenny. "That's why you and Chuck have been acting so weird lately isn't it? That's why you have been so close. And that day in the library you were going to tell me weren't you?"

Jenny nodded. "Yeah, I was trying to tell you. Ever since Chuck found out I might be pregnant he has been insisting I come clean with you but I wanted to know for sure before I said something."

Nate narrowed his eyes scoffing. "Why so you could avoid telling me at all? If you hadn't been pregnant you would have never said anything would you?"

"Yes I would Nate; I was going to tell you. I just wanted to know that I wasn't making all of this a bigger deal than it had to be." Jenny tried to explain.

Nate shook his head. "You lying little slut. It's been months since that happened and you've kept everything so quiet. Does Blair even know?"

Jenny inhaled slightly. The last thing that she wanted to happen was for Blair to find out that she had slept with Chuck; that this baby might be Chuck's. "Not that it's Chuck that I slept with. She just knows that I slept with someone." Jenny watched as a plan formed in Nate's head, she could tell that he wanted nothing more than to go tell Blair but then she saw his eyes soften and she realized that he wouldn't cause Blair that kind of pain, not for the world. As Nate seemed to calm down Jenny reached out to touch his hand. "Thank you." She spoke softly.

"Don't thank me just yet." Nate practically spat as he backed away from her. "Assuming you are in fact pregnant, I want a paternity test. If it's mine I'll be in my kids life assuming you choose to keep it or I'll finance the abortion but I want nothing to do with you. If it's Chuck's, then you're his problem and you are out of my life for good got it?"

Jenny was shocked; she didn't know that Nate could be so vindictive, so cold. She remembered back to a time when she had told Nate about Chuck and Blair's involvement and couldn't help but wonder if he had said similar things to her. She had never dreamed that she had caused Blair this kind of pain, knowing now just how Nate handled these things it was a surprise that Blair had ever forgiven her. "Nate I'm sorry, please don't be like this. We can work things out."

This time Nate's rage and anger had built up to the point that he couldn't hold back anymore and he felt himself shouting at a decibel that attracted the attention of the wedding guests who were inside. "Work things out? You think we can just work things out? I never want to see you again. Just the thought of being intimate with you makes my stomach turn. You're nothing but a cheap slut from the wrong side of town, just like everyone else always said." And with that Nate turned and stomped through the party. He was going to be on the next plane out of Heathrow, fuck everyone else. As he passed a shocked looking Blair he turned. He might not have it in him to tell her just who Jenny had slept with but that didn't mean he had nothing to say. "Congratulations, you trained her well Blair. She's turned into a replica of you."

Blair walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his stiff frame, knowing how much he was hurting. "I'm so sorry Nate." After a couple of moments she felt his body relax slightly as his arms encircled her small frame. "Take some time and think about everything. Maybe get a little perspective. It doesn't have to be over with Jenny; you forgave me right?"

Nate exhaled. He didn't want to hear this right now but for Blair he would stand still and listen. It was amazing how much she had calmed him. "Yeah I forgave you. It was impossible not to."

Blair smiled slightly and pulled away as Nate told her of his intention to fly back immediately. Blair simply nodded. "It's probably a good idea. It will give you a little time apart."

Nate nodded even though he had no intention of the time apart only being a little. "Sorry to skip out early. Hopefully I'll see you again soon."

"Promise you'll come visit." Blair said with a small smile at one of her oldest friends.

Nate smiled slightly in return. It was impossible not to when Blair was looking at him like that. "Promise." He said before placing a kiss on her forehead.

The smile Blair now donned was a nostalgic one as she remembered that she had once told Nate that forehead kisses were her favorite because they gave everything but received nothing in return. "Have a safe trip home." She spoke with one last hug before Nate left the ballroom.

She could see Jenny walking toward her crying but she knew it was time for Marcus and her to leave to return to the house before leaving for the honeymoon tomorrow. She faced him, her eyes asking for understanding.

Marcus nodded. "Take care of your friends then have Roland bring you back to the house. I'm trusting you." With that he lifted Blair's chin and lightly kissed her lips before exiting the same way that Nate had.

Blair turned to Jenny and opened her arms. "Sweetie, I thought you were telling him on the plane."

"I was planning on it." Jenny spoke through her tears as Blair lead her to one of the side rooms. "But then I couldn't keep lying to him. I had to do it then or I had a feeling that I never would."

Blair nodded understandingly, sitting down on the couch and allowing Jenny to curl against her, laying her head on her lap. "Trust me I know the feeling. Remember I was in your shoes at one point." Nate's words had reminded her just what this felt like. To possibly be pregnant and to be holding on to such a big secret was more stressful than anything in the world and when everything came out it felt as though the world was crashing down around you.

Jenny frown deepened. "I'm sorry that I didn't give you the time to tell Nate yourself."

Blair shrugged. "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't think it would have made a difference anyway." She spoke as she stroked Jenny's hair. She had forgiven Jenny a long time ago. The Blair that she used to be had probably deserved it anyway.

"Blair there's something else I need to tell you." Jenny spoke making a decision at that point to tell her, no more secrets, no more lies. Afterwards she would salvage what she could of their friendship.

"Okay." Blair said softly, understandingly, continuing to stroke Jenny's hair even as Jenny's mascara tinted tears stained her wedding dress.

Jenny inhaled. "Remember how I said that I didn't know the guy that I slept with?"

Blair nodded even though Jenny couldn't see her at that point. "Yeah." She spoke a question in her voice yet still a gentleness that few ever saw from Blair.

"I lied." Jenny said trying her best not to shake as she spoke. "The guy I slept with was Chuck." When Blair didn't say anything, didn't start screaming, didn't push her off the couch Jenny became worried and she glanced up at Blair who didn't even look mad, not to mention Blair hadn't stopped stroking her hair. Jenny was actually surprised that she even still had hair at this point; she was surprised that Blair hadn't ripped it out.

As Jenny looked up at her, Blair knew she had to say something so she spoke the only words she felt were needed. "I know."

Jenny had trouble absorbing what Blair had just said but as soon as the words soaked in Jenny sat up, staring at Blair. "What do you mean you know?" Jenny's first thought was that Chuck had told Blair in one of their letters but Chuck had made it clear that he didn't see a point in that.

Blair couldn't quite smile but she felt calm and peaceful. This wasn't news to her and if it was she still wasn't sure how upset she would be; both of them had been going through a rough time when it had happened. "I've known since New Year's. I had been talking to Dan earlier and I realized that I had left my purse in his room so I went back to get it and overheard your conversation. When I walked away I heard a similar conversation between Chuck and Serena so I knew that I hadn't simply misheard."

"And you're not mad?" Jenny asked cautiously, barely believing that this was possible.

Blair shrugged. "I've got no reason to be angry. You guys were comforting each other. Chuck thought it was over for good with us and you thought that Nate still thought of me as the love of his life. I understand. Besides I had encouraged him to move on. Ideally it wouldn't have been with you but the fact that he turned to someone he trusted made sense to me. I guess it also helped that I knew that he had tried being with someone else and it had only made him miss me more."

Jenny couldn't believe it. Blair was so calm about all of this. Never in a million years would she have guessed this reaction. "You might be the best friend ever."

"I know." Blair said with a smile as she gave Jenny a hug. Part of the way through the hug, Serena, Dan and Eric appeared in the doorway.

Serena gave a sad smile. "We've got to go or we're going to miss our plane." She didn't want to leave but they had to catch their flight and Blair had things to do.

Blair nodded as she stood up, pulling Jenny with her. She said all of her goodbyes, whispering to Serena to look out for Nate, knowing that Dan and Eric would take care of Jenny. She gave Jenny one last hug before whispering. "It's going to be okay. Things have a way of working themselves out."

Jenny nodded, trying to smile at her best friend before hugging her tightly once more.

* * *

Marcus paced the room nervously. He was anxious for Blair's arrival. He was finally going to have her in his bed, in every sense of the word. This was a moment that he had been longing for, for so long. They had of course been together before but they were truly married now and things were somehow different. At the same time he was scared. He didn't want to force her. He wanted her to want to be with him but he was worried that that would never happen.

His nerves had him wringing his hands in anticipation. The room looked like a true honeymoon suite. He had scattered rose petals from the floor to the bed and there was a tray of chilled champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. He had done everything right down to the silk sheets and the light music in the background. There was no set up more romantic than this one.

Marcus sat down on the edge of the bed; he needed something to do with his hands. He began running his hand over the side table and decided to explore a little. It was strange, this was his room but he had no idea what was inside these. The top drawer was unexciting as he sifted through it; picking up a couple of pins, a telephone book, and a small note pad. Nothing really interesting. The next drawer down was slightly more amusing, there were a couple of magazines, a Nicholas Sparks book and what appeared to be an iPod. Marcus withdrew the last item curiously. He recognized this. It was the iPod Blair used to listen to all the time. He remembered her listening to it the entire way to London after the first wedding. It was strange; he hadn't seen her listen to it for weeks, probably not since he discovered the letters.

Marcus looked toward the door, considering what Blair would think if she walked in but his curiosity outweighed any sense of propriety and he slid the ear buds in his ears; beginning to scroll through the iPod. He noticed the amass of pictures almost immediately; they were all of Chuck and Blair with occasional appearances of some of their other friends. Marcus only became more curious as he began to sort through her playlist coming across one titled Always Have, Always Will. Marcus could feel his heart pounding furiously as he pressed play, knowing that there was no going back from this.

_"Blair, if you are listening to this I am so sorry, I failed you in so many ways if you are actually hearing me right now. Now enough of that, that isn't what this playlist is about; it's about us; our story. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride."_ Marcus was surprised as Chuck's voice began and he couldn't prevent the sense of foreboding he felt. The track switched from the Intro to The Beginning and he heard Chuck's voice once more.

_"I could never in my life manage to forget this song. It was a wild night at Victrola and this girl that I had always thought was the perfect lady got up on stage and danced. If I could pinpoint the moment that it happened I would say that this is the moment that I fell in love with you."_ Marcus's heart clinched as he heard Chuck begin to sing a song he knew to be by the Sohodolls. He had only heard it a couple of time before, once when Blair was singing in the shower.

When Chuck started speaking again, he had an incredible sense that he was listening to something so utterly private, so intimate that he could hardly bear it. Yet he couldn't stop; it was like an awe inspiring insight into Blair's heart; almost as if he was reading listening to the Book of Blair. _"When you danced on that stage that night I was more in awe of you then I ever thought I could be. Then in the limo you kissed me. You were the first and only girl I have ever asked if they were sure. I didn't want to mess things up with you."_

The words of the song that played stung him to the core. He had never shared something so strong with Blair. He didn't have a single moment with her that she would ever want to hold on to. What had he done to her? As his soul began to ache he heard Chuck's voice. _"I still feel that way you know."_ The voice recording was husky; it was obvious that Chuck was emotional. _"The next song is a little funnier. I remember pulling up next to you the day after while I was listening to this in my limo. This song had always been the way I thought of girls so I thought that maybe if I listened to it; I could make myself think of you like that. Instead it turned out that everything was the opposite. You wanted to forget that night and I wanted a relationship." _

Marcus didn't know the song or the one that followed, but it was the words that were killing him. "_So this song is one that sticks out particularly in my mind. If you remember, it was the first time that you had ever mentioned anything about us being more that just friends with benefits. At the time I went with you when you said that I didn't want people to know either but right then, I would have traded Nate for you in a heartbeat."_ There was so much emotion there, so much love in every word.

As yet another song began Marcus could barely believe it. Chuck had done this for what seemed to be thirty songs maybe more. _"Now we have come to the part in our story in which I start screwing up. The Debutante Ball. I was so bent on keeping you that I plotted and schemed to do it. I tried everything in my power to make sure that I didn't lose you to Nate. But of course you being you and knowing me as well as you do you figured out what I had done and told me that we were through. Looking back now it is almost funny to me that I was so terrified of losing you that I couldn't see that I was the one pushing you away. This playlist isn't just about our good memories; it is about everything, our entire story. So here is the point where I lost control." _

At the end of Three Wishes, Marcus pressed pause and slid the iPod into his pocket. He couldn't listen to anymore right now, it was too difficult. He needed time to think about this, to absorb just what he had discovered. No matter how much he had thought about it, never in a million years had he ever dreamed that Blair and Chuck truly shared so many feelings, they were just kids right?

The doorknob began to turn, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up to see Blair standing before him, in complete bridal lingerie; she had clearly been ready to give herself to him. He looked at her face; it looked as though she was resigned to her fate. Marcus's heart clinched, she was never going to feel the way about him that she felt about Chuck. He needed time to think.

So as Blair stood before him and shrugged. "Well?" She asked, confused that she had been standing there for several minutes and Marcus had simply stared at her.

"Go upstairs to Cammie's room." Marcus said, his voice coming out raw. This was difficult but right now he couldn't be around Blair, not after what he had just done.

Blair tilted her head curiously. "Are you going to be joining me?" This was strange; she had expected him to be angry for taking so long, not dismissive. She had taken special care with her appearance to avoid his anger; this was out of left field.

Marcus shook his head. "Not tonight."

After a few moments of silence Blair picked a robe out of the closet and left the room to go upstairs. Once she was gone, Marcus stood and locked the door; he didn't want to be disturbed. Removing the iPod from his pocket, he slipped the ear buds back in his ears and lay down on the bed, not bothering to knock off the rose petals.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: I actually have the next chapter written as well (like I said I didn't realize I had two in reserve when I went to publish this one) but I didn't want to double update. I want to give everyone a chance to read and review before posting again. So I guess you can see this as a bribe for reviewing, the more I get the faster the next chapter is going to go up and I promise that's one you want to read. **

**xoxo  
kate**


	53. Lost and Found

**A/N: If any of you read The Reality They Live With, the Chuck/Victorla scene may seem slightly familiar. I actually wrote it here first and reused part of it there. There's a good chunk of this section that has been written for a very long time, since back around the time of the first wedding. Anyways, some of you can probably guess what's coming here, we still have three chapters left to go. Btw, the song is You Found Me by the Fray and I do actually suggest listening to it while you read, it works I promise. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support:** CarolinaGirl21, Sarah 3's You, EmilyEcstatic, ggff-fan, annablake, LitPrincess2787, Cascia, odyjha, tvrox12, Krazy4Spike, KB22, Sw33tHeart21, SouthernBelle88, smartin555, LayRay, and elli. **You guys are what keeps me inspired.

* * *

Marcus listened to Blair's iPod all night long, completely unable to sleep. Even after he had finished listening to everything on it, Chuck's voice in his head haunted him. He had never guessed the depth of their relationship nor all that they had been through. What he had put her through made him sick now; he could never have grasped just what he had done to her until now. When Chuck recalled seeing him hit Blair it had made him outwardly cringe. He couldn't believe that he was that guy. He wasn't that guy anymore. Blair had done that. Blair had made him into a better person; she had reminded him of the kind of guy he used to be before everything else overwhelmed him. Before the loss of his sister and all the responsibility that had come crashing down around his feet, he hadn't been an awful person. He had destroyed Blair's life; taken from her everything she valued the most. She was eighteen years old, married to a man she hated, she had lost her mother and she had lost the guy who had loved her enough to put his heart and soul into this iPod.

His hands were shaking as he picked up his cell phone and called Roland. He spoke to the only driver who he trusted with this particular mission. "Yes, I know what I'm doing and yes I'm sure. I'm having the papers brought up in ten minutes. Yes so if you could be ready in about half an hour that would be perfect. Thank you Roland." He finished before placing the call to his lawyer. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it all in one fell swoop. There was no point in waiting around on any of it.

His lawyer worked quickly and the papers were in his room within ten minutes. As he was as ready as he would ever be for what he was about to do, he and the lawyer walked up stairs; after all there had to be a witness.

Knocking gently on Cammie's door or Blair's as he had come to think of it, he waited impatiently for Blair to open it. He knew that she must be confused. His behavior last night had been beyond strange. She had been expecting him to force her in his bed not send her away.

As the door tentatively opened, Marcus was unsurprised to find Blair completely dressed and ready for the day. Good, it would make this easier. She looked as though she was about to speak but Marcus raised a hand and held out her iPod. "Your bags are already in the car; Roland is taking you to the airport." He spoke handing her a small piece of carryon luggage. "Put anything else of yours in here, you won't be back." He spoke quickly, assuredly. He had to or he wouldn't say it and this was something he had to do. He had to let her go.

Blair's eyes went wide with shock. She couldn't begin to comprehend what was going on. What had changed in one night's time and why did Marcus have her iPod? "What are you doing Marcus? Is this some kind of trick?" She asked too scared to even reach for the items he was holding out to her. This seemed too good to be true. It seemed too perfect. This wasn't like Marcus. She was expecting any minute for him to laugh in her face.

"It's not a trick." Marcus said finding that he hated himself for making her believe that the simple act of letting her go wasn't something he was in capable of doing. "I'm loving you enough to let you go. Now sign this paper so that my lawyer sees you." When Blair looked at him questioningly as he handed her the pen he clarified. "They're annulment papers. Since the marriage was never consummated it is in fact null and void. I am truly letting go of any and all claim I might have on you."

Blair remained standing there shocked. Marcus had to force himself to keep going and placed the iPod in the bag and placed the bag at her feet as she signed the papers. When she handed him the papers back he leaned down and kissed her on the lips one last time. After that last kiss he took Blair's hand and placed in it the one object he had left of her. "Roland's waiting." He spoke, closing her hand over the object before turning and leaving.

Blair continued to stand in the doorway, trying her best to absorb what had just happened. She looked down at her hand, opening to see Chuck's ring, her engagement ring, still on the chain. Without a moment's thought she slid it into her purse and started filling the bag. She didn't know if Marcus was just playing her or if he was serious but in the case that he really was letting her go, she didn't want to waste a moment more here. She was going home to Chuck. She had so much to explain.

* * *

Chuck had been sitting in their booth in Victorla for what seemed like days. Nate had stopped by upon returning from the wedding and dealt him a punch eerily reminiscent of the one from a year ago when Nate had punched him upon finding out that he had slept with Blair. Whatever, he didn't care anymore. Jenny had stopped by too, with news that she was pregnant as though Nate hadn't already been here to tell Chuck this himself. He had sent her away in tears. It surprised him how easily he had retreated back to his old self. The changeover had been seamless.

Now he sat at Victorla alternately nursing his bruised jaw with his glass of scotch and sipping it. This time he took a hard gulp, hoping for the release the burn of scotch generally provided but his throat was numb after a night of indulgence. Victrola always brought back so many memories. This was the worst place he could have gone but he wanted the pain, he wanted to feel something. It was like he was indulging in his worst nightmares by sitting here. After all, Blair had been the first to know that he wanted to buy the place, she danced on that stage, and it was after that night at Victrola that they slept together for the first time. Victrola started it all, he should just torch the place.

_**I found god  
****On the corner of first and Amistad  
Where the west was all but won**_

He could hear echoes of her ring throughout the club. _"I'm just saying I have moves" _seemed to reach him through the loud music, through the dancing girls, penetrating reality. He looked to a girl walking up to the bar, getting lost in the brunette curls that dangled down her back, dancing as she walked. She brushed them aside, revealing her neck and Chuck tensed. _"I know what you're doing Bass." _The air vibrated with memory of her. The girl at the bar turned to him and winked. She was dressed demurely for one of these girls, donning a simple slip, her makeup understated. The world was taunting him. _"You really don't think I'd go up there?"_

_**All alone, smoking his last cigarette  
I Said where you been, he said ask anything**_

Chuck was beginning to shake, what the hell was going on. The girl sauntered past him and he would have sworn he heard her say _"Guard my drink," a_s she set down a glass of champagne in front of him before walking on toward the stage. As she posed on stage and the music began he felt as though he was convulsing.

The song through the speakers wasn't real; it had to be in his mind. But as the words began he knew he was really hearing the very song Blair had danced to that night. He had to get out of here; he couldn't handle this, not the girl on the stage with those brown doe eyes and chocolate curls, not this music, not this at all. He felt the glass shatter in his hand, unaware that he had been gripping it so tightly.

_**Where were you?  
When everything was falling apart**_

Chuck stalked over to the bar and knocked everything off the counter, sending shards of glass flying everywhere. He knocked over the cash register which hit the ground with an echoing crash as its contents went soaring. It wasn't enough, not enough to take away this pain. This was Blair's place, it was tainted with her. He took his forearm to the bottles behind the bar smashing everything, leaving nothing undestroyed; why should they be spared when he had not been.

As he walked from the bar, Chuck tossed a table across the room, loving the sound of splintering wood and the clang of metal on metal. He kicked a chair scattering a group of dancers as the chair went flying . He slammed his palms into the door, causing it to swing open violently.

_**All my days were spent by the telephone  
It never rang**_

Climbing into his limo it didn't stop, it felt as though she was with him, surrounding him. Damn it Blair was supposed to be dead to him. He couldn't do this though, he couldn't be the guy that he used to be, Blair had changed him, she had ruined him. Now she had left him. He barked an order at the limo driver, refusing to allow himself to indulge in anymore memories of the past. He had dulled the pain, he had thought that he had destroyed any part of himself that tied him to her after receiving her last letter but he was wrong. She was there; she was always going to be inside his head. That breakdown at Victorla had made him realize that.

_**And all I needed was a call  
That never came  
To the corner of first and Amistad**_

As they pulled up at the church, ironically the same one that Blair had gone to the morning after sleeping with him, Chuck stumbled from the limo. It was a challenge, struggling up the stairs and inside. He drug himself down the aisle to the front where he lit a candle, the same candle he lit every time he was here. He lit the candle for his mother, then almost as an afterthought he lit a second one.

_**Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me**_

Once satisfied he drunkenly staggered to the pew second from the back. It was the same one he always chose. He collapsed on the bench, leaning on the pew in front of him and relaxing his head into his hands. He couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't be without her. All he wanted was to forget but he couldn't even do that properly, she was too much a part of him. She had invaded his heart, mind, and soul and there was no ridding himself of her.

_**Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded**_

He began talking, speaking to his mother. This was the only place he felt close enough to her to do so and he needed her right now in a way he had never imagined he would. "Mom, I need you." He paused taking a ragged breath. "My life is in shambles. I can't keep doing this I just couldn't keep up the façade that I am the same as before because god damn it I'm not. I'm not Chuck Bass without her." His fingers clinched the bench in front of him so hard they turned white as his voice broke. "I don't know how to go on without her." This was an agony that he had never felt before, never comprehended even existed.

_**Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you? Where were you?**_

The priest heard the sounds of talking and began walking the pews soon spotting Chuck sitting near the back. He was startled. It was not quite time for Chuck to visit. Every year on his birthday which he shared with the death of his mother Chuck visited the church. Every year he lit the same candle and took a seat in the same pew and sat there for an hour. Every year, but that was on May 19, that was still months away. Why then could Chuck be here. The priest looked to the front and noticed a second candle lit next to the one for Chuck's mother. His heart clinched as he walked to Chuck.

_**Just a little late  
You found me, you found me**_

"Son, would you like to speak with me." Generally it was their custom to have a conversation after Chuck had been sitting there for a while. Why should today be any different? When Chuck looked up with a tear streaked face, the priest was startled. "In heaven's name what's happened?"

Chuck shook his head slightly as he stood. "I can't talk; I've got to take care of something." He had reached a decision. He wouldn't live with this kind of pain. He would eliminate it for real this time.

_**In the end everyone ends up alone  
Losing her, the only one who's ever known**_

The priest reached out a hand and placed it on Chuck's shoulder. "Do you want to tell me who the candle's for?"

"Me." Chuck said softly as he walked out of the church and back to the limo, leaving the priest standing alone wondering what Chuck could possibly mean.

_**Who I am, who I'm not, who I want to be  
No way to know how long she will be next to me**_

Chuck returned first to his old suite, there were things that needed arranging. He put together the papers, placing them securely in the safe that was behind the portrait of his mother, before continuing on to the Van der Woodson's. As he walked in the door, he was met with silence. That wasn't good; he needed someone here for this to work. Slowly he began to search the rooms, grateful to find that Jenny was sitting in his room, likely waiting on him to come home. He made his presence known, walking into his room, finally beginning to sober up. "Hey." He spoke softly.

Jenny looked up him, surprise and relief each flicking over her face. "Thank God, I was so worried about you." She said sitting up from her place on the bed. It didn't escape her that he looked more like himself in that moment than he had since Blair's mom's funeral.

_**Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me**_

"I'm leaving town." Chuck spoke firmly but not with any anger. He got out his check book. "This is a blank check. Take as much as you need to take care of the baby." After a moment's hesitation he wrote another. "Just in case the first one runs out." He said handing her the checks.

"Chuck I can't accept this." Jenny started. As she stood from Chuck's bed. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, not ask for money."

Chuck nodded. "Yes you can. I won't be here to take care of you, so my money's going to have to do the job for me." Jenny looked like she was about to protest. "Don't. I don't want to be talked out of this and I don't want to be followed or found. I need to disappear for a while, I can't be here, I can't be in New York without her."

_**Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded**_

Jenny wanted to speak but instead listening then nodding her agreement. This was harder for Chuck than anyone realized. She might want to turn to friends in times of heartache but that wasn't Chuck. Chuck dealt with things in his own way, by himself. "I'll tell everyone." She said softly.

"Thanks." Chuck said with a nod before picking a bag from the closet and packing a few things.

"Is that all you're taking?" Jenny asked curiously noting that someone with the style of Chuck Bass would obviously need more clothes than a simple satchel.

Chuck nodded. "I'll buy anything else I need." With one last chin tilt at Jenny he turned and walked out of the room. His first stop was a bank where he cashed out enough to make any purchase he would need in the next few days.

_**Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you?**_

Next a young man on the side of the street who looked down on his luck, to whom he gave his jacket filled with his credit cards, all of his identification. "My only request is that you get out of town, travel, and use the cards a lot." Chuck spoke to avid nods from the young man before getting back in his car and telling the driver to take him to the nearest car dealership where he dismissed his driver, sending him home with a hefty severance check. Once his driver had departed Chuck continued with the plan he had formed in the church and purchased the most expensive, most ostentatious Ferrari on the lot, paying in cash.

As Chuck stepped behind the wheel he relished the feeling of the smooth leather. It had been a long time since he had felt the way the gas pedal felt under his foot, the rush of air as the top rolled down, the thrill of driving high speeds. He drove out of the lot, speeding as quickly as he could further out of the city. He needed to get away from New York to do this, far enough away that people wouldn't guess, wouldn't think.

_**Just a little late  
You found me, you found me**_

Blair looked out the window of the plane as they neared New York. The buildings were coming closer and all she could think was that it was bringer her closer to Chuck. She hadn't thought that this would ever be a reality but she had signed the papers, she had packed her bags, and Marcus had let her walk out the door and get on a plane. She had left him the jewelry he had purchased her, not thinking it right to keep it and even written him a note saying goodbye. As the plane descended on JFK her heart began to pound, she was almost there.

_**Early morning, the City breaks  
I've been calling for years and years and years and years**_

As he drove into the now early morning light he allowed thoughts of her to fully penetrate his skull. The scent of her hair as she turned her head, the presence she had just walking into a room, the smirk that appeared not only along her ruby lips but in the sparkle of her eyes when she was scheming. He remembered their first time in the limo, how glorious she had been and how careful he had been with her. The first time he had told her he liked her at her seventeenth birthday party. The day they almost got caught by Nate, how much it had hurt when she had gone back to him.

_**And you never left me no messages  
You never send me no letters  
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want**_

Blair stepped off the airplane and breathed in the New York air. She was home. She ran through the airport, skipping the baggage claim; she would send someone else to claim her numerous pieces of luggage later. Noticing the long line for a taxi, she bypassed it, stepping out in the road and raising her hand, hailing a cab much to the irritation of those waiting in line none of whom had no qualms about shouting such at her. But she was deaf to them as she slammed the taxi cab door shut and gave him the Van der Woodson's address. She didn't have time for propriety, she needed to find Chuck and explain. They had lost too much time already.

_**Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me**_

He even remembered the words he had said to try to humiliate and hurt her, not wanting to be second place after Nate had abandoned her. Oh how he regretted that day, much like he regretted leaving her to go to France by herself. But he couldn't be swallowed by the bad when the sparkle of her eyes at his father's wedding always seemed to infiltrate his mind. He remembered telling her he loved her, the turmoil last fall, and the heaven that they had claimed over Christmas. Chuck thought back on the day he had asked her to marry him and back to that day this summer when he was missing her, that he had sworn that one day he would marry her. That was never happening, she was moving on with her husband. Chuck scoffed at the words even as he let the tears fall freely. But even then he didn't stop thinking about her.

_**Lying on the floor  
Where were you where were you?**_

As the taxi pulled up, Blair threw a hundred at the driver and jumped out, maneuvering into the apartment building where she made no pleasantries with the several tenants she recognized, barely even waving at Vanya only doing enough to gain clearance to the top floor. In the elevator she slammed on the close door button and waited impatiently as the elevator climbed the floors to the Van der Woodsen penthouse. There was a sense of increased urgency as she moved; an urgency she couldn't quite place.

_**Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me**_

There was the way she moved under him, the way she cried out as they came together, the way that they fit as though they belonging interlocked with one another, as though they were two halves of one person. Their movement together the most fluid the most intune he had ever felt. She was the only one who knew him, really knew him and he was the one who knew her. Without her he was nothing more than a shell, an empty shell. She was the one that made him whole. Without her he would have gone through life not knowing love, not knowing what perfection was. But God did he know it now. Perfection was her ruby lips moistened by her tongue, perfection was her chocolate curls cascading down her back, perfection was her supple body bending and molding to his until they were the same.

_**Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded**_

Blair rushed into the apartment, going straight to Chuck's room, praying to God he was there. When it was a shell shocked Jenny she found instead, she almost tripped from stopping her run so fast. "Where's Chuck?" She asked, skipping any and all formalities, there would be time for that later.

Jenny asked still sitting frozen on the bed cell phone in hand. "He left about an hour ago." She answered seeing the intense look in Blair's eyes and forgetting to ask what she was doing here. Too much had happened today for her mind to be properly functioning. The real Chuck was back, but then he left, Blair was back, and then the phone call she had just made. It was all just too much.

"Left?" Blair asked waiting for more information. "Where did he go?"

_**Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you?**_

Soon the memories were too strong as he had been doing nothing but think of her for the eight hours he had been driving and Chuck was overwhelmed with the tears and the anguish. He found himself beating the steering wheel in anger as he finally saw what he was looking for in a lone tree off in the distance. As he pressed his foot firmly down on the accelerator he closed his eyes pressing his foot as far down as it would go, aiming, and gripping the steering wheel as tightly as he possibly could.

_**Just a little late  
You found me, you found me**_

Jenny shook her head slightly. "I don't know. He didn't want anyone to follow him. He said he was leaving town." The shock in Blair's eyes scared her as it looked as though Blair was ready to chase Chuck to the end of the earth. "Wait, there's something else." Jenny started causing Blair's movements to cease. "I just got my period and I called the clinic in London. They think they switched our results." As Blair stood there jaw open Jenny summed up what she was trying to say. "I think you're pregnant."

_**Why'd you have to wait?  
To find me, to find me**_

The cop who arrived at the scene shook his head. The car was totaled. Whoever had been driving that Ferrari had managed to wrap itself around the only tree for probably a hundred miles.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: I cried so if you did the same don't feel bad or alone in that. This chapter was an emotional drain for me. So review if you liked it, review if you didn't, I want your opinion either way and no this isn't the end of the fanfic, I would never do that to you guys.**

**xoxo  
kate**


	54. The Differences Between Alone and Lonely

**A/N: I know you guys are all wondering whether or not Chuck survived and I'm afraid this chapter is not going to give you any answers. You'll understand what I mean when you read. Originally it would have but this chapter got so long that I split it into two separate ones as did a later one, which means there's still four more chapters to go. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

My reviewers are definitely my favorite people in the world**: ggff-fan, Juicyxoxocharm16, EmilyEcstatic, SouthernBelle88, xoxogg4life, EZ11, Krazy4Spike, CarolinaGirl21, elli, wrighthangal, schizoOntheDancefloor, RIP Casey3, LitPrincess2787, ana-12, odyjha, tvrox12, smartin555, Gem15stone, and LayRay **you guys are more awesome than words, sorry I didn't respond to all of your reviews this time, I wanted to get this up instead. And to **Sw33theart21**, aka my beta Lisa. You are absolutely wonderful and I'm glad you've started an account on ff so I can properly thank you.

* * *

Blair looked out the window at the people walking down the street and sighed. She was in a coffee shop in Brooklyn meeting Jenny for brunch, but the younger girl was over twenty minutes late. Not that that particularly bothered Blair, she liked being alone. That was probably the one thing that she had gained from her time as Marcus's wife, an appreciation of what it means to be alone and have your thoughts all to yourself for a short time. It had been a full month since she had arrived back in New York and alone time was rare. She had sold her house right after the funeral so she didn't actually have a home here anymore; she was staying in Chuck's room at the Van der Woodsen's. That was the most prevalent source of her inability to be alone; between Serena, Eric, and Lily she had constant company and Dan practically lived in Serena's room. She'd seen both Nate and Jenny every day as well, but never together. Nate wouldn't even talk about her; if Blair brought her up he glared and changed the subject.

Her first Sunday back Lily had hosted her a welcome back brunch and everyone who had ever mattered in Blair's life was there, except one. All of her old classmates came to dote on her and tell her how lovely she was; Penelope mainly just smirked, smugly placing a couple of comments that Blair had been ousted by Marcus, but Blair had barely noticed. The girls at school were of little consequence to her now. She looked around the room, missing Chuck more than ever as she saw all of the couples. Penelope's comment might not have bothered her but the girl seemed to have finally gotten one thing up on Blair, a Dalton boy who adored her. Then there were Serena and Dan, the resident blissfully ignorant couple. Lily and Bart were nearing time for their nuptials and couldn't be happier, neither were worried about Chuck's whereabouts. Even Eric had found himself a new guy. The one couple who had worried her the most was Nate and Vanessa. They had pawed each other through the whole brunch, so much so that Jenny had excused herself and gone up to Eric's room. It was overwhelming for Blair too, all of it and she had slipped out discreetly; unable to handle being around so many people.

She had simply started walking, not really knowing where she was going. She just needed to get some air for a while. Right then she would have given just about anything not to be staying with the Van der Woodsens but she didn't actually have another viable option that made her feel close to Chuck. So that day she followed her feet, seeing where they would lead her. She had wandered past the school, unable to omit a sigh. At that point, school was only a day away from her and that hadn't been something that she was looking forward to. But she had kept walking until she found herself at her old building and had even wandered in only to find that the doorman was unable to give her any information about the new owners. Soon she found herself walking through Central Park, passing her favorite fountain. Blair didn't even realize that she was taking the short cut through to the Upper West Side until she was coming out on the other end.

As she walked inside the Palace, she couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't thought of this before. She had a key to Chuck's suite of course and it was somewhere isolated that would still let her be with Chuck. She didn't even bother stopping at the front desk, instead she walked straight up to room 1812 and slid her key in the lock. Blair smiled as the familiar green light appeared and she opened the door. Everything was just as she remembered it from the last time that she had been there. She ran her hand across the bar, her smile broadening as she noticed to assorted scotches on display. She had walked into the bedroom and looked around, allowing herself entry into Chuck's closet where she fingered his old scarf, the one he never used to be without. After being there for a few minutes, she walked over and climbed into his bed, relaxing amongst the covers not even realizing that she had fallen asleep until she had woken up. She had looked at the clock, surprised to find that she had been out for four hours. It was the most consistent sleep she'd gotten since she had been back. Blair could have stayed there forever but she knew that at some point she had to return back to the van der Woodsen's so she had forced herself to get out of bed and catch a cab back home.

Upon arriving back at Serena's she discovered that everyone had been extremely worried. Apparently, she was a runaway risk. Ever since then they had kept an even closer eye on her; loser than she would have liked, especially since none of them were even a little worried about Chuck. She was sick and tired of hearing about that 'Chuck always does this' and 'just give it time, he'll come back eventually.' She didn't want to wait and she didn't believe that this was just Chuck's normal running away. She had called the bank and was well aware of the amount of cash that he had withdrawn the day he left town, not to mention the fact that he had permanently dismissed his driver. If that wasn't bad enough, all of the PIs that she had hired kept finding his cards being used in the most random places. No one else thought it was strange, they all just placated her, not getting that she was scared.

Her mind had started to go somewhere quite dangerous when Jenny appeared, quite flustered. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I overslept." Jenny spoke, sliding into the chair across from Blair.

"It's no big deal." Blair replied with a small smile as the waitress sat down their coffee orders that Blair had placed earlier.

Jenny laughed after taking a sip. "Wow you're good." Blair had gotten her order perfectly.

Blair smirked. "I know." And both girls dissolved into giggles. As they composed themselves and Jenny ordered her food Blair began to talk. "I have a second ultrasound next week."

Jenny's head popped up. Sometimes she forgot that Blair was pregnant; it was so strange the way things had turned out. "Do you want me to go with you?" Jenny asked setting her menu aside. Blair was her best friend and with Chuck currently not in the picture she was most definitely willing to do whatever Blair needed as far as the pregnancy was concerned.

Blair shook her head slightly. "Nate actually offered to come with me yesterday and I don't know that that would be a great idea for you both to come." She had actual been grateful when Nate had offered; it would have been embarrassing to show up alone without a man even if said man wasn't actually her baby's father.

Jenny nodded understandingly, Blair was right if she came things would just be really awkward. "You're right; things with Nate are just getting worse by the day."

"Worse?" Blair asked questioningly. She wasn't sure how things could get much worse than they already were. After all, Nate had discovered that Jenny and Chuck had slept together. Blair herself was well aware of just how bad that situation was to be in.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Yeah, apparently Nate thinks I'm sending him these crazy love letters. I swore I wasn't but he says that they match the letters that I sent him after the Penelope debacle; but I don't even know what he's talking about. I never sent Nate any letters."

Blair's eyebrows rose slightly. "You weren't the one who sent Nate the anonymous love note last fall?" Jenny shook her head. That was interesting. Even though she had never thought that the letter sounded like Jenny, Nate had told her that he had asked and her friend had confirmed that she had been the one to write the letters. Suddenly the pieces of information she had been given clicked together and Blair's eyes popped open. "Vanessa" She spoke without thought.

"Ugh, don't even say that name right now." Jenny spoke flipping her hair over her shoulder. "She and Nate have been all over each other every time I've seen them recent . . ."

Blair shook her head. "That's not what I meant. Vanessa is the one writing the letters, she always has been." Blair was marveled that all of these things were coming together in her mind now of all times. She should have realized what was going on a lot earlier.

Jenny looked at Blair curiously. "How do you know?" Granted if it was Vanessa who was driving Nate crazy with letters and Nate found out, this could potentially be fantastic.

"Chuck told me in one of his letters, his last letter actually." Blair paused for a moment letting the details come back to her. "That day when Chuck followed Vanessa after the wake, she told him that she had been sending Nate letters anonymously. Chuck had said that he was going to warn you guys about her, he was worried she was obsessed. I guess he never got around to it."

Jenny ran a hand through her hair; there were a lot of things coming together. That letter that Nate had received, Vanessa's strange behavior the entire year, all of it. "I don't think there's anything that I can do about it now."

Blair reached out a hand and placed it on her friend's arm. "If it helps I don't think he's serious about her." She had a sneaking suspicion that Nate didn't actually want to be around Vanessa at all she was just easy to use to make Jenny angry because Nate had never dared to bring Vanessa around her and quite honestly Blair was with Nate a large chunk of the time.

Jenny smiled slightly. "It does a little." She needed to change the subject quickly to something that wasn't related to her Nate problems. "So how are you doing? I mean you said you're keeping the baby but what if Chuck doesn't come back?" Jenny's words startled even herself. This had been the first time that she had admitted that it was possible that Chuck would never come back. Always before she had been so optimistic and adamant that Chuck would return. But honestly that depended on so many things. No one knew where Chuck had gone, no one could tell him that Blair was here and single. Otherwise nothing would have been able to keep him away. Jenny had been stupid for not telling Chuck about Marcus forcing Blair to write the letter; if she had maybe Chuck wouldn't have left to begin with.

Blair had been surprised, this was the first time someone other than herself had mentioned Chuck not coming back. Everyone else thought she was crazy the way she had every PI in Chuck's employee, hunting him down. When she had asked Bart why he wasn't worried, Bart had laughed in her face. This was Chuck after all and Chuck ran away when things got tough. "I'm as okay as can be expected. The morning sickness has finally dissipated. The doctor says I'm nearing twenty weeks."

"WHAT?" Jenny nearly spit out her coffee in surprise. "How is that even possible?" Twenty weeks ago was not that long after Marcus and Blair had gotten married. There was no way that Blair could have been pregnant from Chuck during that time.

Blair shrugged slightly, she had been surprised too. "You count from the date of your last period. My last period was December 11. I conceived on Christmas Eve. The doctor says I haven't been on birth control for a really long time. Apparently Marcus was switching out my pills."

Jenny just shook her head. "Wow, so when are you due?"

"August." Blair said softly. It had been a surprise to her. She had been sure that she had gotten pregnant when she was home for the funeral not over Christmas. But that wasn't something that actually mattered to her. All she wanted was Chuck back. "As for Chuck, I'm worried that he's not okay."

Jenny gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "It's Chuck, he always gets by. Plus didn't you say that he was in Dubai last week?"

Blair nodded. "Something's not right though. Just yesterday Mike called to tell me that Chuck's card had purchased a supersized Big Mac with extra onions, fries and a Coke; in Tokyo no less."

Jenny crinkled her nose slightly. "Doesn't Chuck hate McDonald's?" She remembered suggesting as one of their weekly adventures once and he had refused. Chuck hadn't even refused the subway, but he had refused McDonald's.

Blair nodded again. "And that's not the strangest part. Chuck's allergic to onions. I don't know what's going on but someone else is using Chuck's card."

Jenny bit her lip, her brow furrowing. For a long time she had agreed with everyone else that Chuck was just being Chuck; but this was fairly strong evidence that Chuck wasn't just being Chuck. And Jenny had seen Chuck before he left, he looked completely defeated. "Maybe it's time we filed a missing person's report and start looking a little closer to home for clues about his whereabouts."

Blair nodded once more, beginning to feel a little like a bobble-head but right now she was thankful that someone had believed her. "Thank you." She said quietly.

"No, I'm worried too." Jenny spoke, taking hold of her friend's hand. There was more to this than anyone else had believed. Blair had been right all along, there was cause to be worried. "We'll find him B, I promise."

"I know." Blair said strongly as their food finally arrived. "Now let's talk about this fabulous shopping trip that we are taking this afternoon."

* * *

Blair smiled at Nate as he extended his hand to help her out of the car, ever the gentleman. "Thank you Mr. Archibald."

"Of course." Nate spoke with a jesting bow to Blair. "You know, I always imagined I'd be taking you to ultrasound appointments one day but not under quite these circumstances." He said as he led her into the hospital.

Blair laughed because it was true. "Quite honestly I always thought it would be you too." After a pause she looked up at Nate with a nostalgic smile. There was a time not so long ago that everything was much simpler. "It's funny how things don't work out."

"It's funny how they do." Nate said with a glance down at Blair's stomach that was starting to swell.

Blair couldn't help but agree. Even now after everything that they had been through she honestly wouldn't have done things differently if she could go back. Every step of the way she had done what she thought was best, now she just had to have faith that Chuck would come back to her; her and their child because she couldn't do this alone. After a moment of silence, Blair spoke. "So what's Vanessa up to today?"

Nate groaned. "Please don't even say her name." Unaware that he had had the same reaction as Jenny when Blair mentioned the name.

Blair raised her eyebrows. "Trouble in paradise, Natie?" She used her old name for him on purpose, knowing that Nate had broken up with Vanessa this summer because she went a little nuts calling him that.

Nate glared slightly. "She's driving me crazy. Honestly, I can't stand pretending that I'm into her. You know I only bring her to things when I know that Jenny's going to be there."

Blair shrugged as she took a seat in the waiting room. It was just as she had suspected; Nate wasn't into Vanessa at all, he was just using her to make Jenny jealous. "Why bother? Jenny knows you guys are finished."

Nate shook his head. "I'd believe that if she would quit sending me those annoying letters. They've gotten psychotic."

There it was again, the mention of 'the letters.' She wanted to say something but honestly she didn't know if it was her place to interfere. Sometimes it was just better to let relationships work themselves out. Nate would forgive Jenny in time without any pushing for her and Jenny would still be waiting because she loved him. But sometimes neutrality just isn't meant to be.

"What do you know?" Nate asked tilting his head. After all the years that he and Blair had known each other he had begun to pick up on when Blair knew more than she was saying or in this case wasn't saying.

Blair shook her head. "I don't know anything." She spoke but she didn't even come close to sounding convincing.

"Blair, really I can tell that you know more than you are saying. What's Jenny told you?" Nate furrowed his eyebrows in his best attempt to look serious when he wasn't really. It turned out looking like a strange mix between confusion and anger.

Blair couldn't help but laugh at Nate's facial expression but at the same time she realized that Nate wasn't just going to drop this. "Fine. Jenny's not the one who said something, well she did but it wasn't anything I didn't already know. She wasn't the one who's been sending you letters, Vanessa is. And before you ask, Chuck told me this a long time ago."

Now Nate really was confused. "What?" Blair was talking nonsense right now. None of what she was saying added up.

Blair rolled her eyes. She so hadn't wanted to get involved in this. "Apparently, Vanessa never quit obsessing over you. That anonymous letter after the scandal with Penelope was from her not Jenny, as was each subsequent letter. She came to my mother's wake to see you and that's when she broke down and told Chuck about her little obsession. He wrote me in a letter afterwards that he thought she'd gone off the deep-end."

Nate's eyes widened in alarm, this entire thing was getting bizarre. "Maybe I should tell Vanessa that I'm not interested and end things for good." He was still absorbing all of this information. He wouldn't have believed it from anyone else but Blair had no reason to lie to him about any of it. Sure she was Jenny's friend but staying away from Vanessa did not mean that he had forgiven Jenny and he knew that Blair knew that.

"I think that's probably a good idea." Blair said as they called her name and they stood to walk back for her appointment.

Nate watched with a smile on his face as one of the most important people in his life got an ultrasound but he couldn't quite suppress the fear that was building on the inside. He would be there for Blair any way he could through this pregnancy but he knew that that wasn't going to be enough for her; she was going to need Chuck. So no matter how angry at Chuck he was right now for what happened with Jenny, he wanted him back for Blair's sake and he was scared that that wasn't going to happen. Chuck had been really messed up the last time that he had seen him; he hadn't been himself and he wasn't actually that mad at Chuck for what had happened. It was right after Blair had left; the guy was understandably messed up. If he was honest with himself, he wasn't that mad at Jenny either. He didn't trust her and he didn't want to get back together but he wasn't exactly angry at her for what had happened. Nate was so lost in thought that he barely noticed the doctor motion him out in the hall while the nurse and Blair did a couple other tests; but he followed like the good friend that he was.

"I'm Dr. Hanson." She spoke extending her hand which Nate shook before she continued. "Now it's my understanding that you aren't the father?" The doctor said in a low voice after they closed the door to Blair's room. Really it was more of a question than a statement.

Nate nodded. "I'm their best friend." Probably one of the truest statements that he had ever made.

Dr. Hanson nodded rather clinically. "That's what I thought I heard. So far as doctor patient confidentiality goes I shouldn't be asking you the questions I am about to ask you but since I gather the father isn't in the picture . . ." She paused for confirmation and Nate nodded. "Then you are the next best option."

Nate was instantly worried. Was there something wrong with Blair? The baby? "Whatever it is you can ask."

The doctor gave a curt nod and looked down at Blair's chart in her hand. "I understand that Blair has suffered from bulimia," She hadn't meant to pause but she did as she saw the young man cringe, recognizing that he needed a moment. "That's something that puts the baby at quite a risk." Nate nodded, he knew this already, but he waited patiently for the doctor to continue. "Is Blair undergoing any additional stress right now?"

Nate knew immediately what the doctor was getting at, if Blair was too stressed it wasn't good for the baby. His worry caused him to speak without actually thinking, which always led to saying things he shouldn't. "She's a high school senior, who was blackmailed into marrying a British Lord, her mother died three months ago, and the father of her baby and the love of her life is missing. Stressed would be an understatement though she hides it well." Nate was instantly ashamed that he had said so much. Blair would kill him if she knew he just told the intimate details of her personal life to anyone, even her doctor.

Dr. Hanson's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline; but she recovered quickly. "I need you to do whatever you can to ensure that she feels as little of this stress as possible. The baby's heartbeat isn't as strong as I would like at this stage of the pregnancy and with her medical history that's not a good sign. If she is going to come out of this pregnancy healthy and with a healthy baby, she is going to have to take it easy and follow the instructions that we have been giving her."

Nate wasn't certain what came over him but the condescending tone in the doctor's voice made him angry. Blair was doing everything that the doctor's had been telling her to do, she was a perfectionist like that; yet the doctor was insinuating that she wasn't doing just that. "The mother of that unborn child will do everything necessary to take care of herself and that baby because that's who she is so honestly you don't need to concern yourself with that. What you should worry about is that the father is Chuck Bass and when he does turn up God help you if anything has happened to his child." Nate could tell that Dr. Hanson was doing her best to appear as though she wasn't intimidated but Nate knew that the name of Chuck Bass was enough to strike fear into the heart of anyone who valued their life or their career.

After a slight huff the doctor turned and walked down the hallway and Nate let himself back into the room. He was surprised to see that the nurse had disappeared out a side door and Blair was sitting fully clothed on the examination table. "Ready to go?" He asked, plastering a smile on his well chiseled face.

_**Hello world  
Hope you're listening  
Forgive me if I'm young  
For speaking out of turn**_

Blair, who had been looking away, looked back to Nate with tears in her eyes. "I heard what you and Dr. Hanson were saying."

Nate's eyes widened and he looked at her gently. "Blair I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm just looking out for you."

"I know." Blair spoke softly. "And I'm not mad at you, I'm just sad." Blair paused looking down at her hands before looking back up at Nate. "I need Chuck."

Nate took a couple steps toward her and sat down next to her on the examination table. "I know. And I'm sorry he's not here." This time it was Nate who paused. This wasn't fair, it wasn't fair for Nate or Chuck. They had been through so much they deserved the chance to be together. "You know if he knew he would be."

_**There's someone I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me**_

"I know." Blair repeated as she laid her head on Nate's shoulder. "You know I didn't even know I was pregnant until I got home. I would have told him if I had known."

Nate nodded. "Why did you break up with Chuck?" It had been a question that he had wanted to ask for a long time but he had never been able to bring himself to ask. He had his suspicions that maybe she had wanted Chuck to move on with his life but he never knew for sure; just like none of them had known that Marcus would let her go.

Blair couldn't stop the tears that were slowly sliding down her face. "Marcus found the letters and made me. I wanted to tell Chuck the truth but I couldn't and he didn't show up at the wedding so I never had the opportunity."

_**They're in their own place trying to make it right  
But I'm tired of justifying  
So I say to you**_

Nate sighed, that explained a lot. "And then when you got home he was gone."

Blair nodded slightly. "I miss him. And I can't do this without him." Blair paused wiping at her tears, voicing her thoughts for the first time. "I thought I could but I can't. I'm not strong enough."

Nate turned to face Blair, taking her chin in his hand. "Blair you're the strongest woman I know; you're a Waldorf remember."

_**Come home, Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long, For so long**_

"Being a Waldorf doesn't make things like this easier. I need Chuck." Blair spoke unable to stop the never ceasing flow of tears.

Nate held her small form to him. "You'll get through this and Chuck will come home."

Abruptly Blair broke away from Nate and stood. "I think I just need to be alone for a while."

_**And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home**_

Nate furrowed his brows but nodded. He was worried about leaving her by herself but he was more worried about crowding her. He knew Blair in a way that only a few people did and he knew that she needed her space. That was one of the ways that they were alike. He might have called her a needy girlfriend more than once but while that might have been true, he knew that one thing Blair Waldorf had always valued was time to herself. Lately he had a sneaking suspicion that she was feeling smothered by people, no matter how well intentioned those people might be. He couldn't fault her for that he would have felt the same way himself. Besides he didn't want to stress her out any more than she already was because he was telling the truth when he had said that he would do what he could to reduce her stress."Take the car, I'll catch a cab back."

_**I get lost in the beauty  
Of everything i see  
The world ain't as half as bad  
As they paint it to be**_

Blair nodded and walked out, continuing through the front of the hospital to the street where she climbed into Nate's town car. She needed to go somewhere she felt safe and told the driver to take her to the Palace. She wasn't sure how she was still capable of tears at that point but somehow the rivers down her face continued. She felt bad for abandoning Nate, leaving him at the hospital by himself but she couldn't be there anymore. She knew that Nate was doing and would continue to do everything he could for her, all of her friends would, but it wasn't enough. They weren't Chuck. Once more she had gone straight up to Chuck's suite, shutting and dead bolting the door. Everything about the room still reeked of Chuck's presence even though it had now been well over a month since he had left. Blair had been unable to change anything because she couldn't stand doing anything to take her further away from Chuck than she already was. She had spent a considerable amount of time here since discovering that that she could. It had given her a place to be alone and relax. Now she had even started to keep a few things here, especially clothes. So she had simply pushed Chuck's clothes to the back of his expansive closet to add a few of her own.

_**If all the sons  
If all the daughters  
Stopped to take it in**_

Now she was glad that that was all she had done as she reached into the depths of the closet and removed one of Chuck's favorite shirts, donning it instead of the clothes she had been wearing. She inhaled the collar deeply, it smelled of Chuck but it was losing its scent. To remedy this, she walked to the bathroom and picked up his cologne, spraying the collar of the shirt lightly. Blair inhaled again and sighed, much better. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, noticing the dark rings under her eyes from her lack of sleep. Of course she wasn't sleeping she was too busy worrying about where Chuck was and why he hadn't come home to her yet. It wasn't until she looked in the mirror that she realized that she had stopped crying. She still felt the same, still felt as though tears could and should be running down her face, so she reasoned that she had simply run out of tears in her eyes. She couldn't escape the fact that this wasn't like Chuck. He wouldn't be able to just leave and not have a single PI reporting back to him about how she was doing. And if he had been doing that he would have known that she was home and she was carrying his child. Chuck would have come home.

_**Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin****  
It might start now  
Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud  
Until then**_

Blair walked back into Chuck's bedroom and crawled under the covers of his bed, snuggling into the covers and allowing herself to get lost in all things Chuck. This was not the first time that she had enveloped herself in his covers; not the first time that she had buried herself in everything that was Chuck but it wasn't something that she allowed herself to do often. She looked back to the closet noticing that the amount of clothing that she kept here had steadily increased over the past few weeks, just as the amount of time she had spent here had increased. It probably wasn't good for her but she felt so much closer to Chuck in his suite than she did in his room at the Van der Woodsen/Bass apartment. And as she increasingly felt his absence, she felt the need to be closer.

_**Come home, Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long, For so long**_

As she lay there her mind began to wander back to the phone call she had gotten from Mike last week. She had received a similar one this morning. Chuck's cards had been used to purchase not onions this time but white wine. Chuck Bass did not drink white wine and it would have been understandable if he was buying it for a woman but it was wine tasting for one. She and Jenny had filed a missing persons report but without the support of Chuck's father, the NYPD didn't exactly take them seriously. After all, everyone had a point, Chuck Bass ran away all the time; add that to the fact that he had a pregnant girlfriend at home and a policeman is immediately going to think that he had simply run off. But there was a feeling deep in her gut that told Blair that everyone else was wrong.

_**And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all i see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known, ever known  
So come home**_

Suddenly she was struck by an idea. Blair through off the covers and moved quickly back into the bathroom, allowing her eyes to roam around. As she looked in the mirror, Chuck's mirror, she felt a certain panic begin in her stomach, his tooth brush was still sitting by the sink and the tooth paste cap was off the bottle something that had always infuriated her, much like Chuck's tendency to squirt the tooth paste from the top instead of the bottom. Where would he go without his tooth paste? Her hand was shaking as she opened the medicine cabinet. Chuck's pills were still inside. Why had she not thought of this before? She had been convinced that there was more going on than Chuck gallivanting around the world, she should have checked to see if he had taken the things with him that he never went anywhere without, like his pills. Chuck was on medication for a minor genetic heart disorder that he had inherited from Evelyn, it wasn't a big deal as long as he stayed on his pills. Chuck had left his pills behind and his prescription was there as well, right under the bottle.

_**Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here**_

The panic began to spread throughout her. The reality of what Chuck had done was sinking in and her whole body began to convulse. She knew, she knew in her gut what had happened and the tears that she thought had run dry were falling again. She should have known he reached this point, she supposed she had known that he was there, that's why she kept asking everyone to look out for him. Everyone said that when people's souls were connected like she knew hers and Chuck's were, one person knows when something happens to the other; they feel it. Why hadn't she felt when it had happened? Why hadn't she known the moment that Chuck had made the decision to do this? Why didn't she know the moment he had decided to end everything?

_**Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here  
So hear this now**_

Chuck would have done this, he would have wanted to get rid of the pain and if he couldn't drown it in liquor, smother it with sex, or subdue it with drugs; he would have sought to end it all. They had talked about this once; they had talked about suicide. A socialite had killed herself when they were fifteen and it had started a debate amongst the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, Serena and Nate had said that you had to have a strong will to kill yourself. On the other hand, she and Chuck had thought that suicide was the easy way out. At the same time they had each acknowledged if only to one another that should something bad enough happen, they didn't see themselves above it; they were not self-confident enough even then to believe that they were strong enough to withstand everything.

_**Come home, Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long, For so long**_

Blair found herself sliding a hand into her purse, lying next to the bed. After a moment's shuffling she found what she was looking for and removed a thin chain holding Chuck's ring that he had given her on Christmas. Slowly, she wound the chain around her fingers, tangling them amongst the golden chain before closing her hand on the ring. She ran her fingers over the smooth band, as she did she noticed something that she never had before. She felt a light inscription on the inside of the ring. Surprised Blair lifted the ring to see what the inside band said, although she had a pretty good feeling that she already knew. Bringing into the light she looked and sure enough, in lovely cursive was inscribed, _Always Have, Always Will. _Always. He had said always and she wasn't about to let him out on that now. If Chuck was out there, she was going to find him, no matter the cost.

_**And right now there's a war between the vanities****  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known, ever known  
So come home**_

Blair reached back into her purse and picked up her cell phone, almost laughing when she saw what time it was or more what time it would be where she was calling. Opening her contacts she called the one person she never thought she would again. He answered on the first ring. "Blair?" His answer was more of a question than anything.

"Yeah, it's me. I need your help." Blair spoke softly, knowing that she was playing a dangerous game. "I think you owe me that much."

"What is it?" He asked seriously. He wouldn't have denied her anything even before she mentioned what exactly he owed her.

Blair exhaled slightly knowing that the hardest part was over, now she just had to ask her ex-husband to help her find her lover. Easy right? "Chuck's missing, I've done everything I can to find him but I'm scared. I wouldn't have called you if I wasn't, you know that. So please just do what you do and find him."

Marcus found himself nodding slightly, regardless of the fact that it was two in the morning and Blair couldn't even see him. "Okay. I'll let you know when I find something out." As he was hanging up he heard a soft. "Thank you" on the other side of the line.

_**Come home**_

* * *

A/N: No Marcus is not going to be a part of the story again, only ever over the phone, I promise. Next chapter we'll see more Dan and Serena and we'll find out just what happened to Chuck Bass. And the song is Come Home by OneRepublic.

I Reviews

xoxo  
kate


	55. Only Blair Could Know

**A/N: So here it is, chapter 55. You can all thank my betas for this one because they got this back to me during finals! Sorry if the Darena is a little on the cheesy side - I think I just feel like they are kind of a cheesy couple. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

My reviewers are definitely my favorite people in the world**: ana-12, CarolinaGirl21, EmilyEcstatic, schizoOntheDancefloor, annablake, LitPrincess2787, Jolianne, xoxogg4lifexoxo, Sw33tHeart21, ggff-fan, EZ11, tvrox12, smartin555**, and **Ggfanficfan09 **you guys are more awesome than words.

* * *

Serena looked to Dan with possibly one of the most serious looks he had ever seen her give. They were sitting on the bed in her bedroom doing nothing more than waiting; which he truly thought was all that he could do. "I just don't know what to do Serena."

Serena ran a hand through her already tangled locks. "But we have to do something. We can't just let things go on like this."

Dan shook his head slightly. He knew how Serena felt. After all, he was in the exact same position. Each and every one of their friend's lives were so f'd up right now but they were virtually helpless; forced to stand on the sidelines and watch."I don't think there's anything we can do." Dan spoke emphatically.

Serena shook her head. "There has to be. I mean Blair is pregnant and more depressed by the day. Chuck is nowhere to be found, God only knows if he is even still alive. Nate, is hooking up with Vanessa to piss Jenny off because he is still too in love with her to forgive or forget what happened. And Jenny, well she pretends to be okay but it's obvious that not being with Nate is killing her. I can't just let all of my friends deal with this on their own."

Dan was still shaking his head. "I can't bring Chuck back, no one can but him. If Chuck doesn't want to be found he won't be. Blair just has to have faith that he'll come home on his own because what she's doing right now, throwing herself on every lead that the private investigators come up with and putting all of her hope into that, is not helping. Plus now she is on this kick that there is something more than just a runaway Chuck going on and she's roped Nate and Jenny into believing her."

"If it were you I would be doing the same things." Spoke Serena softly. She couldn't blame Blair, she loved Chuck and of course she was willing to do whatever it took, that's what love meant.

Dan ran a hand over his head. He didn't quite understand the women in his life. "You would never have to do that for me Serena because I'm not Chuck Bass. I don't run off like that. That's what everyone has started to forget. This isn't just anyone, it's Chuck Bass. I mean don't you think Lily and Bart would be more worried if this wasn't typical?"

Serena took Dan's hand. "That's what I thought at first too. In fact I was sure of it; I was as sure as everyone else that Chuck was just off gallivanting around the world like he usually does. But this is different. Blair knows Chuck, she's seen him run off before and she's always been the first to dissuade anyone from looking. She always used to say. 'Leave him be, he'll drink it off and put a few whores through college, then he'll come home, bow tie perfectly knotted and head clear. And if you ask him what he was doing he'll say, 'I'm Chuck Bass' suggestively and go on with his life.' But she isn't saying that. She's scared."

Dan absorbed Serena's words and even though he still didn't put much stake in them, he could see that she believed in them and that's what mattered to him. "I still don't see that there is anything that we can do for her or Chuck for that matter."

Serena bit her lip tentatively. "I think she needs to know that we believe her and that we don't think she's crazy. I think that would help."

Dan nodded. Regardless of whether or not he thought Blair and now everyone else was over reacting, he could support her in this.

Serena didn't really give Dan time to recuperate from their last topic of conversation before moving on. "And as for Jenny and Nate, I think we need to just get them in the same room and make them talk it out."

Dan physically rolled his eyes this time. "Serena we can't fix everyone and we shouldn't have to."

"They're our friends Dan! You should want to help them." Serena exclaimed passionately. She was a meddler, she knew that; but she also knew that it was all well intentioned. And if she didn't meddle she would just worry herself to death over all of it. Whereas if Dan had his way he would just sit back and stay out of all of it. She knew that this part of her frustrated him, but she also knew that he loved her enough that if she asked he would meddle for her.

Dan sighed knowing he would give in eventually but feeling the need to hold out at least a little longer. "I know they are our friends but at some point they have to have agency over their own lives. You can't do things for them Serena. And honestly I don't understand why you feel the need to."

"I feel guilty okay!" Serena practically shouted before quickly retreating. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you."

Dan looked at her curiously. Perhaps this did involve them after all. It appeared that this desire to help fix all of her friends stemmed from something deeper for Serena. "Why do you feel guilty?" Dan asked softly as he brushed a wayward strand of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

Serena averted her eyes before meeting Dan's. "I don't know why we get to be happy and problem free when all of our friends are plagued with such serious issues. It makes me feel guilty."

"Their problems aren't your fault Serena." Dan said softly, moving his hand to cup her cheek. "We've had our problems too if you'll remember." He spoke thinking back to last summer and fall. When Serena didn't say anything he spoke quietly again. "And I know that neither Blair nor Jenny would fault your happiness either. They would want you to be happy just as much as you want them to be happy."

At this Serena gave a slight smile. "I know." She practically whispered leaning her forehead against Dan's.

Dan leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips, one that was soft and sweet, showing her just how much he loved her. When their lips broke away, he left his forehead close. "Now what is it that you want to do for Jenny and Nate?"

At that Serena really smiled. "Thank you Dan for being the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for."

"I would say you make it easy but . . ." Dan said jokingly with a shrug.

Serena laughed as she playfully hit Dan on the shoulder. "DAN!"

His smile faded and he gave an almost unnoticeable shake of his head. "So what's the plan?"

"I was thinking we just need to get them both together, you know. I think they just need to talk things out. So maybe you get Nate to meet you somewhere and I'll bring Jenny." Serena said with a bright smile.

Dan only nodded. "Let's give them a few more days, wait until after Nate's calculus test next week and then I'm in."

Serena wrapped her arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you too." Dan said, unable to stop thinking about what Serena had said earlier about being guilty. With all of the problems that his friends were having with their relationships he knew he was lucky. He didn't feel guilty like Serena did but he certainly felt grateful.

_**

* * *

**_

_**April 23, 2009 — Van der Woodsen Penthouse, NYC**_

It had been over three weeks since she had called Marcus. Three weeks and not so much as a word. Things had been better lately. Now it wasn't just Nate and Jenny who didn't think she was crazy, Eric had believed her within a moment and Serena and Dan had even come to accept that she might be right that Chuck wasn't just being Chuck. On the other hand none of the supposed "adults" put any stock into what she said; they all kept referring to her as a hysterical teenager.

Determined that she needed support from someone older than the age of eighteen to convince the police that there was something to be worried about she had pleaded her case to Lily thinking that Lily could convince Bart.

Knocking on the door to Lily's room, Blair had been certain that this was going to work. Lily cared about Chuck and she trusted Blair probably more than she trusted her own daughter.

Lily had been surprised to see Blair standing before her. It was a Saturday and they had just finished eating lunch all together. "Blair darling is there something wrong?"

Blair had almost laughed; of course there was something wrong. "Lily, I wanted to talk to you about Chuck."

Lily motioned the young girl inside her room, taking a seat next to her on the window seat in the room. "Of course. I know you must miss him terribly."

Blair wanted to roll her eyes at the way that Lily was placating her, but she had withheld her baser instincts and simply continued. "Yes of course I do. But it's more than that Lily. I'm really worried that he isn't okay."

Patting Blair's hand gently, Lily tried to reassure the girl. "Sweetheart, you know Chuck. He'll clear his head, engage in some of his worst habits and . . ."

"And be back, tie perfectly knotted. Yes I know that was the old Chuck Bass, but he's different now, this is different." Blair interrupted. "I promise Lily, there's something more going on and I'm scared that he's done something dangerous."

Lily shook her head almost imperceptibly, looking at the girl pensively. Serena had been right, Blair wasn't looking healthy. A pregnant woman should have a certain natural glow but Blair looked dimmer. Blair might be worried about Chuck, but Lily was worried about Blair. "I know you do sweetie, but I assure you that if something had happened to Chuck we would know."

Blair couldn't stop the tears that sprung to her eyes as she began to realize that Lily still wasn't concerned. "You don't understand. He didn't take his medication with him or enough clothes to last Chuck Bass two days. And it's been two months."

Upon seeing Blair's tears, Lily felt a tug on her heart strings for the poor girl. Being pregnant was difficult enough without having to be pregnant alone. "Blair darling I know all of these emotions you are feeling are hard. I've been pregnant before too and sometimes we think irrationally when our hormones are acting up."

"These tears might be because of my _hormones_ but my fear that Chuck has hurt himself is not." Blair spat angrily. How dare Lily suggest that she was letting something as silly as her pregnancy hormones drive her to this point?

Lily placed a hand on Blair's back, who immediately flinched away. "Darling you need to calm down. So much stress isn't good for the baby."

Blair realized her folly in believing that Lily would be of any assistance and stood up. "This baby needs his father and since I'm the only one who seems to be concerned about looking for him I am going to remain stressed. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if Bart will show any more concern for his son than you apparently do."

As Blair walked out she slightly regretted her harsh words. It wasn't Lily's fault that she was so upset and she felt a little ashamed for her actions but she was also angry at the accusation that she was being driven by hormones to worry about Chuck. Sure she might be more emotional because of the pregnancy but one way or the other; she would have been worried.

The cab ride to Bass Industries was long enough that Blair formed an adequate game plan and she exited ready with quite the speech to convince Bart of her concerns. Blair had been unable to resist an eye roll as the secretary told her to go right in; Bart was expecting her. Of course Lily had called him telling him she was on her way. She walked into Bart's office to see him sitting back in his chair, presumably waiting on her arrival.

"Good afternoon Blair. I presume you've been taking good care of that grandchild of mine." Bart spoke in his normal authoritative voice. Glad that Lily had called ahead and he had been prepared for her visit.

Blair nodded slightly. "Of course but that's not what I'm here to talk to you about, although I assume Lily's already told you that." As Bart tilted his head in acknowledgment she continued. "We need to discuss the fact that your son is still missing. It's been months Mr. Bass."

Bart's face didn't change but he sat up a little straighter. He had always been impressed by the fact that Blair was in control of the situation around her; she had reminded him a lot of Evelyn in that way among others. "This is Chuck we are talking about Blair. We know all of his tendencies."

Blair bit her tongue, she was getting tired of hearing about Chuck's 'tendencies' like he was still the same boy he was a year ago. "Yes but none of this has made sense. The PI's I have tracking his cards said that he's been ordering food with extra onions and going white wine tasting. Chuck doesn't drink white wine and he's allergic to onions. I'm worried that he's not okay and it's not him using his card."

"So my son's developed a taste for white wine? So what? It's about time he learned to appreciate something other than scotch." Bart spoke before continuing. "And I think I would know if my son were allergic to something as basic as onions."

Blair shook her head. "With all due respect sir, I would have to disagree. Chuck always had to pick the onions out of his food growing up, the nanny had already told you of his allergy and he didn't want to have to remind you. Luckily he only had a reaction in high quantities. And Chuck would rather drink an entire bottle of mouth wash than a sip of white wine."

Bart simply stared at the teenager in front of him, realizing that placating her wasn't working and he found her insolence unnerving. "I'm sorry Blair but I believe I know my son better than the newest girl the boy knocked up, even if you are a Waldorf." Blair's eyes had shot open at the open insult and Bart had continued. "I mean you don't honestly believe that you are the first do you? You are simply the first who has insisted on keeping the child."

She had come within a baby's breath of smacking Bart across so hard that she would have been permanently banned from his office. Instead she had calmly composed herself and spoke again. "You and I both know that Chuck's different with me than he is with other girls. And quite honestly I don't think you know him at all." Bart had continued staring at her with the same facial expression. "For instance, did you know that Chuck proposed to me over Christmas? Or that he was willing to move to London to be with me? Did you know that every year on his birthday he goes to St. Patrick's Cathedral for an hour and lights a candle for his mom? Did you even know that she passed down a heart condition to him that he has to take daily medication for? A medication that he left sitting in the cabinet in his suite at the Palace."

Bart suddenly slammed his hand down on his desk, startling Blair and even himself, he never lost control. "That's enough. I've heard enough of your reasons and I am telling you for the last time that Chuck will be fine. Now if you want to continuestaying in our house, you need to accept this and go on with your life."

Blair's jaw was locked. "Actually I don't. You forget I don't need your money or your shelter Mr. Bass. I was staying there to be close to Serena, I won't inconvenience you with my presence any longer but know that I will find Chuck, without your help." With that she turned and walked out of his presence.

Blair returned to the van der Woodsen/Bass penthouse only long enough to pack up her things and have them brought down to the car; much to Lily's chagrin. Serena tried to stop her as well but one look from Blair had silenced her; she knew when to just let her friend be. From there Blair had moved all of her things to the suite at the Palace, she could of course get her own suite but what was the point?

Almost as soon as her bags had arrived upstairs she heard her cell phone go off. Blair rolled her eyes even as she searched for it in her purse; it was likely someone trying to convince her that she was being irrational. Surprise filled her as she saw the caller id and suddenly she couldn't open the phone fast enough. "Marcus? What is it? What did you find?" She asked suddenly breathless. Blair heard the sharp intake of air on the other end and felt her stomach drop even as her heart soared. Marcus had found something and even as she was filled with hope there was a sense of dread creeping up on her as well.

When Marcus spoke it was slow and labored. "I found Chuck. But Blair, it's not good."

_**

* * *

**_

_**April 23, 2009 — Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

Holly, the head nurse on the curious case, looked on anxiously as the young man everyone had been so curious about recently turned up his nose at the hospital food. He had only emerged from the coma a few weeks ago but his body had mostly healed during the time he was asleep. He was perhaps one of the luckiest boys alive; the kid had been driving unheard of speeds on the highway and had slammed his fancy sports car into a tree, perhaps intentionally, and had not broken a single bone. However, he had suffered serious head trauma including swelling in the brain that had led to his comatose state. Now that he was awake they had expected all of their questions to be answered, the main one being who the hell he was but there had been nothing, the boy had no memory of who he was.

While the young man could describe parts of his life in great detail, in referencing people it was always just descriptions never names. The most prominent characters in his plots were three other teenagers for whom common nicknames had been established: the Golden Boy, the Party Girl, and the Queen B -- the last being the girl they all suspected he was enamored with. The tales were so lavish and intricate that the majority of the nursing staff thought that he had suffered more brain damage than originally thought though the doctors insisted that was not the case. He had seemed to believe that he was a junior in high school, which was believable enough, only there was the slight problem that he also believed that it was November of 2007. His pattern of storytelling had continued these past weeks but they had yet to receive any clue as to the boy's identity, not even an actual location of where home was for him -- though most assumed New York City from a slight northern accent and a few of his most detailed tales. They also knew that he was quite the charmer as he had every female in the hospital eating out of the palm of his hand.

All of that was true until today when they had received a phone call from a man with a British accent inquiring about the young gentleman. Whoever the man who had called was he had power because within an hour he had been faxed photographs, x-rays, and charts. In response he had only informed them that they should expect a visitor for the boy in the very near future. Now the entire hospital was in a tizzy over just who this boy was as they anxiously awaited the arrival of the person who was supposed to be able to fill in the gaps and tell everyone just who the boy was.

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A/N: Yay Chuck's alive but with some serious problems . . . Three more to go! Next one will finally have some N/J interaction as well as Blair's visit to Chuck.

Reviews are love :)

xoxo  
Kate


	56. Some Feelings Can't Be Forgotten

A/N: Hey guys, so this time I do owe you guys an apology. My computer underwent major hardware failure and I lost everything on it and my hard drive decided to pick now to fail as well so I lost all my fanfiction stuff. I've been working on getting everything going again but it's been tough going because my betas became unavailable.

That being said I owe a huge thanks to several of my readers for offers to help out with the beta work in my time of need. You guys really stepped up and I just wanted to say that I couldn't do this without you :-) That being said for those of you who read my other stories I am going to get back to those I promise, things have just been rough.

For more exciting news: There are actually three more chapters AFTER this one. It seems that they all just get too long and I have to split them up. Before anyone asks, I chose Duke Hospital because it's a respectable hospital in an area that I know about it (I go to UNC). However, Durham (the location of Duke) isn't exactly the safest city so Blair's staying in Chapel Hill which is an area I know really well (that's where UNC is).

To my lovely reviewers: **ggff-fan, annablake, LayRay, Krazy4Spike, smartin555, odyjha, tvrox12, wrighthangal, LitPrincess2787, EZ11, Juicyxoxocharm16, ana-12, :D, SouthernBelle88, Stella296, and KB22.** You guys are so amazing thanks so much for all the inspiration and for sticking with me for two years!

Disclaimer: I own more SillyBandz than a girl my age should but I do not own Gossip Girl.

Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time.

Thanks to **EmilyEcstatic** for beta'ing this chapter! You're awesome.

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_**April 23rd, 2009 - The Palace, NYC and Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

Blair had packed quickly and taken a taxi to the airport as soon as she ended her phone call with Marcus, who had already booked her a flight direct from LaGuardia to RDU that night. As many things as he did wrong to her, she could never say that Marcus didn't care about her and didn't know her well enough to know that she would want to get to Chuck as soon as possible. As she landed at RDU her thoughts were immediately on finding a cab or hiring a car but as she exited baggage claim she found a driver already holding a sign with her name. Knowing this was once more Marcus's doing she walked up to the man and spoke. "Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf."

The older man smiled at her. "Follow me. Prince Marcus has secured my services for as long as you're in need of them. Here's your hotel information; you'll be staying at the Franklin Hotel in Chapel Hill, about a ten minute drive from Duke Hospital. That's where we're going now."

At his last statement Blair started to interrupt, she wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible. She needed to see Chuck, to know he was okay. But the driver held up a hand silencing her.

"With all due respect, visiting hours are over and you need to get some sleep. I'll drive you to the hospital first thing in the morning. Now here's my card with my number on it. My name's Harrison."

This time Blair simply nodded. As much as she wanted to see Chuck, Harrison was right, going and camping out at the hospital wasn't going to do anyone any good. So she agreed to go back to the hotel, where surprisingly she slept better than she had in months. The next morning she assumed it was because she knew that she was close to Chuck, the nightmare that had been consuming their lives for the past year was finally about to be over. So she got ready, taking her time to make sure that she looked perfect; not that Chuck would care, she just knew that she would remember this moment forever and certainly didn't want the memory tainted with tangled hair. This was the moment that they got their happily ever after. Once she was completely satisfied with her appearance she called Harrison to take her to the hospital.

Blair wasn't stupid, she had heard what Marcus said on the phone; she knew that Chuck had been in a terrible car accident, she knew he had been in a coma for over a month, and she knew that he had amnesia for the past year and a half at least. He wasn't supposed to know her name but her heart told her that wasn't what was going to happen; her heart told her that at the sight of her, carrying his child, he would remember everything because it was about damn time they got to be together and fate wouldn't be cruel enough to put another obstacle between them.

That's why she walked into the hospital with confidence. She wasn't going to let anything stand in her way from being with Chuck. In comparison to everything else they had been through, this was nothing. She walked immediately up to the nurse's desk and spoke in the most Blair voice she could manage. "I'm here to see a young man. He's been here for a couple months and doesn't remember much."

The nurse's eyes went wide. She of course knew the patient that the girl was referencing she simply couldn't believe that someone had actually shown up. The past few weeks he had quickly become the favorite patient of the nurses and the fact that this girl was standing here asking to see the patient no one else seemed to know existed was surreal. So as she signed the girl in and provided her with a visitor's pass and the boy's room number she paged Holly.

Holly spotted the girl the moment she stepped off the elevator; it was almost blatantly obvious who the girl was. The natural grace with which she walked, the soft brown curls, the headband in her hair like a tiara, yes Holly knew the girl who got off the elevator, she simply just didn't know her name. As the young woman walked down the hall there was one thing Holly noticed that the young man had never mentioned in any of his stories; the girl in front of her was pregnant, probably close to five months. When the girl got closer she couldn't help the words that left her mouth. "You're the Queen Bee."

Blair found herself smiling nostalgically. "No one's called me that in a long time." And it was as though time was nothing, she felt herself flash back to a time not so long ago when being called Queen B was something she expected on a regular basis. Subconsciously she reached up and touched the headband on her head; they used to be symbolic of a crown for her, now they were like a safety blanket, her favorite accessory but nothing more. Bringing herself back from the past she smiled at the nurse. "I'm Blair Waldorf."

The nurse returned the undeniably beautiful girl's smile. "I'm Holly, the head nurse on his case." She was still wondering about the pregnancy; was the child the young man's or was it the golden boy from his stories. In all actuality it could be someone else's entirely who even knew how long it had been since this girl had last seen the young man.

Blair gestured slightly to the room behind the nurse. "Is he in there?" She should be nervous, but she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't allow herself to feel anything but hope. This was the moment when everything was going to be right with the world again.

Holly nodded. "Yes, are you aware of his condition?"

"I am." Blair spoke allowing confidence to fill her voice as she began towards the door; just as her hand began to turn the handle the nurse placed a hand on her arm, causing Blair to turn her head back.

Holly bit her lip slightly, she found the brunette intimidating even though the girl had done nothing to cause this; yet she still found herself treading carefully. "Wait, I just have one question." She paused for a second. "Who is he?"

This time Blair couldn't help but smirk. "He's Chuck Bass." And with those words she turned the handle and entered the room with Holly hot on her heels. The second she saw him her mouth fell open slightly and she heard her strangled voice speak. "Chuck." She had to mask her reaction quickly. It wasn't that Chuck looked bad, honestly he didn't. He was wearing what appeared to be flannel pajamas that reminded her of the Humphreys but there was nothing that appeared physically wrong with Chuck. Still something seemed off; there was something in his eyes, something missing. There was a certain coldness there that she hadn't seen in a really long time. She probably would have continued standing there for several more minutes without saying a word but Chuck's voice broke her out of her reverie.

"Blair Waldorf!" Chuck said a hint of excitement in his voice as he sat up straighter in bed and allowed his natural smirk to grace his features. "How did you find me?"

Instantly Blair's heart soared. Chuck remembered her. Chuck had remembered her name. Everything was going to be okay. In two strides she was at his bed side reaching for his hand. "Oh Chuck, I'm so glad you're alright." But as she reached for his hand he pulled it back, moving away from her and looking at her as though she had done something unusual.

"What are you doing?" Chuck asked as a strange look came over his features. This was Blair Waldorf and they didn't have the kind of relationship where affection was the norm. As much as he might wish that they did, she was his best friend's girl and neither of them would ever do that to Nate; even if Nate didn't deserve her.

Blair could feel the first rush of panic and tried to mentally reason with herself. Chuck knew her name, he knew her; whatever was going on they could work through. "Chuck, it's me Blair, remember? I love you."

Chuck's eyebrows shot up. He was fairly certain no woman had ever said that to him outside of the bedroom. "You what?"

"I love you." Blair said this time taking his hand against his will and squeezing it lightly.

Chuck could feel his heart beating rapidly as he looked up at Blair then down at their hands. What the fuck was going on here? He began looking around the room frantically, drawing his hand from hers and leaning forward to see into the hallway; now with a smile on his face. "I get it; this is some sort of practical joke. You guys heard about my amnesia and decided to see if you could trick me; well too bad Waldorf, I'm not that crazy." Then he raised his voice, smiling as he shouted into the hallway. "COME ON IN NATHANIEL. JOKE'S OVER."

Blair shook her head slightly and biting her lip, she had to stop the tears that were threatening to fall, now was not the time. "Nate's not here Chuck."

Chuck looked at her disbelief. "Since when do you go anywhere without your perfect boyfriend?"

A feeling of dread started to wash through Blair. There was something really wrong here. Chuck thought she was still dating Nate. Chuck clearly thought that nothing had ever happened between them. "Nate's not my boyfriend Chuck. He hasn't been for a long time."

"Then who knocked you up?" Chuck asked snarkily. "Which by the way, you must have been pregnant already the last time I saw you which is a surprise since I was under the impression you were a virgin."

Blair felt a gasp escape her throat as she sat back into the chair that was behind her. Her head fell into her hands and she wiped quickly at the tears that were falling. You have to pull yourself together she thought to herself before looking back to Chuck. "You. You're the father of my baby."

At that Chuck burst out laughing. "Very funny Waldorf. I'm guessing this is all part of your's and Nate's little joke; well you've taken it far enough." He said as he reached over to place a hand on her stomach. "I'm guessing this is one of those fake pregnancy bellies." But as his hand touched her only slightly protruding stomach he was hit with a wave of shock. Blair Waldorf really was pregnant. He couldn't help but notice a slight pang in his chest at the thought that that made her Nate's for good. "You mean you're actually pregnant?"

Blair nodded slowly as one single tear escaped her eyes. "Chuck what's the last thing you remember?" She asked looked directly into his eyes.

As Blair looked at him, Chuck saw something in Blair's eyes that he didn't like, something that he was all too used to seeing there; she was sad. But this time her sadness seemed to be overwhelming her as she so rarely allowed for it to do. "I don't know. I mean I remember being punched by Humphrey at the Kiss on the Lips party."

Blair felt the overwhelming urge to vomit. All she wanted right now was to purge. Chuck was stuck two years ago. His last memories were from a time that they didn't even exist yet. "What after that?"

"Humphrey showed up at my father's brunch and I told him about Nate and Serena after you caught Nate meeting Serena in secret after I had tried to help you lose your virginity." Chuck felt his nostrils flare slightly at the memory.

Blair nodded slightly. Maybe she could coax him through this. "Then what?"

"The Ivy League Reception?" Chuck was almost asking her if this was correct, she gave a nod and he continued. "We were scheming together to get back at Serena. Then that weekend was the lost weekend and I had to rescue dear Nathaniel from Carter Baizen."

Blair nodded encouragingly. "Keep going."

Chuck furrowed his brow in concentration, what had happened after that. "The Masquerade Ball. Jenny Humphrey tricked me into losing my clothes and Nate kissed Serena when he was supposed to be looking for you."

"Right." Blair said with a smile. He was so close, they were almost there.

Chuck smiled at his next memory. "I brought you to Victrola to show it to you before I presented my proposal to my father. You said you were proud of me. Bart rejected the proposal at first but then he reconsidered and allowed me to purchase it." Things were getting fuzzy quickly. It was a struggle to keep going in his memory. "I remember being inside enjoying the party when I got a call from my driver saying that he was dropping you off."

Blair's heart soared. He remembered! Still she needed him to say it. "What happened when I got to Victrola? Come on Chuck; tell me what happened that night."

This time Chuck felt his eyebrows furrow even more deeply as he strained to think what had happened after his driver had called; but try as he might he was drawing a complete blank. His memory ended right at that moment, there was nothing else. As he met Blair's eyes, he saw the hope reflected in her own and didn't want to say what he was about to say; he didn't like hurting her even if he did think she was crazy. "I don't know."

Blair felt her heart stop. She literally felt it stop beating. "How can you not know? You remember getting the phone call, yet you don't remember seeing me that night?"

Chuck ran a hand up and gripped his hair tightly as though he could pull the memory she was searching for out of his brain. "I'm sorry I don't remember anything else." He said finally, an air of disappointment in his voice.

Blair found herself collapsing backwards into the chair. How was this possible? Chuck literally remembered everything up until the point at which they started. She found herself chuckling darkly and noticed Chuck look over at her strangely.

"What is it?" He asked curiously. He had never seen Blair like this. Honestly she looked a little unhinged.

Blair shook her head slightly. "You remember everything but us. How can you not remember us?" She asked finally meeting his eyes.

Chuck felt something in him stir. Blair being in pain was causing him pain and he didn't like that. It was a strange feeling, Blair was the one girl he considered a friend, the one girl he respected and the way she was looking at him right now was causing him physical pain. He couldn't handle seeing her like this. "I want to but I can't." She ran a hand through her hair and he narrowed his eyes in concentration. "Tell me what happened that night at Victrola, maybe it will jog my memory."

Blair looked to him, sitting there in the hospital bed looking so earnest; they had to try, they couldn't give up now, not after everything. "Right after I got there I told you that Nate and I had broken up and you promised to help me forget. You dared me to dance on the stage but didn't think I would do it; I did." Chuck raised an eyebrow but she continued. "In the limo on the way home I kissed you, you asked me if I was sure, and I lost my virginity to you."

Chuck could see that Blair was serious so he tried his best to hold back a snarky comment. "I think I like this story." Suddenly, something struck him. "Is that how you got pregnant because I always use protection?"

Blair shook her head. "Oh no that was almost two years ago."

"Not that I think you would let me remove your chastity belt in the back of my limo, but do go on." Chuck spoke now quite intent on listening to the story Blair had to tell; regardless of whether or not he believed it.

Something in Blair told her this was her only chance at getting her Chuck back so she did as he asked. "You schemed to make sure Nate and I didn't get back together and gave me an Erikson Beamon necklace for my 17th Birthday, which you crashed by the way. We carried on our affair until Cotillion when Nate wanted me back and you manipulated me trying to keep me. I found out and dumped you and slept with Nate. You saw and left town."

Chuck's eyes narrowed involuntarily. "I didn't react well to that did I?"

"No. You blackmailed me to stay away from Nate but I realized you had no proof and Nate and I started dating. I thought I was pregnant and you told gossip girl about the pregnancy scare and that I'd slept with two guys in the same week." Blair said quickly, wanting to get through this part.

Chuck nodded his head slightly. "I went after your reputation. You must have hurt me pretty badly for me to do that."

Blair nodded. "And that's not all. Nate found out it was you and you two got in a fight so everyone found out you were the other guy. After I lost everyone, I went to you and you turned me away comparing me to your father's Arabians. You told me you didn't want me anymore."

"I was tired of being picked last." Chuck said looking away from her.

Hope filled Blair as she reached for his hand. "You remember?"

Chuck shook his head. "No. But if what you were saying was true, that's how I would feel. That's the only thing that I could think would make me turn you away."

Blair couldn't deny the disappointment she felt but she did her best to hide it. "It took us months to get past that. We schemed together to get rid of Georgina, then you made your best man's speech at your dad's wedding about me and you won me over. We were happy for a week; we had plans to go to Tuscany together but you never showed."

"I'm sorry." Chuck said softly noticing that Blair brushed over the words meaning that they still hurt her.

Blair didn't acknowledge his words, knowing the tears would start falling if she did. "We spent the summer apart. I brought a British Lord to the Hamptons with me to make you jealous. Which turned out not to be necessary."

Chuck was nodding again and found himself making excuses for the Chuck in her story. "You know I was just scared right?"

"That's what you told me." Blair said softly. "You sang to me and told me that you love me."

This time Chuck bolted upwards in bed and looked at her eyes wide. Up until this point there was still a part of him that thought that this was all a joke, that Blair was just making this all up but the singing, was something she couldn't be making up. "I didn't. I wouldn't have." Chuck spoke without thinking.

Blair's eyes widened. Chuck was denying that he had told her he loved her. Of course he was, the old Chuck would have never admitted to loving her and sitting in front of her was the old Chuck as much as he might be trying not to be. "Actually you did. You told me you loved me and we made love."

Chuck's eyes sufficiently widened but he started shaking his head. "As hard as that might be to believe, that wasn't actually what I was referring to. What could you have done that would have made me sing for you? No one knows that I sing."

Blair laughed slightly. "Actually quite a few people know that both of us sing. You sang at my wedding."

"You're wedding?" Chuck asked now more sure than ever that this was all some kind of sick and twisted dream and at any moment he was going to wake up and Blair would be gone.

Inhaling deeply, Blair continued. "I'll get to that soon enough. Lord Marcus filmed us having sex and built a bogus case against you. He forced me to marry him."

Chuck shook his head violently. "No. If I loved you like you said I did I wouldn't have let that happen. I would have gone to jail for something I didn't do first. I would have stopped him."

"You tried. We all did. Even the Humphreys. But it wasn't enough. Something happened in the British ascension line and Marcus's brother became next in line for the thrown making him second and making me a Princess. It was strange. You and I wrote each other constantly and at Christmas you surprised me by showing up at my father's in France." Blair paused and gestured towards her belly. "That's when this happened. Marcus had switched my birth control for sugar pills hoping that I would eventually sleep with him and get pregnant. On Christmas Day, you proposed to me. We were going to run away but Marcus showed up. Then you were going to come and stay in London so that we could be together but my mom died in a plane crash." At that her voice broke.

This time it was Chuck who reached for her hand. Whether he believed any of this or not, remembered this or not, Blair's pain was real and they were still friends. "I'm so sorry."

Blair nodded, brushing away a stray tear with her free hand. "You helped me through it and that's why I wouldn't let you come to London. I lied to you, telling you I had told Marcus our plan but I hadn't. Then when I got back to London, Marcus found our letters and he made me write you this awful letter ending things for good. I did the royal wedding thing and everyone came but you. Marcus found a gift you gave me and let me go home but I wasn't soon enough. When they got home Jenny said you were acting weird and told her you were leaving town. I got there about an hour later but I was too late you were gone. It was then that I found out I was pregnant. We had thought it was Jenny but it turned out to be me. I knew something had gone terribly wrong with you and I called Marcus. He found you."

Chuck leaned back against his bed and sighed; he was still straining his mind trying to remember any of this, trying to feel any of what Blair said he should feel. If what she was saying was true he had tried to kill himself because he couldn't have her. Chuck couldn't even comprehend that kind of emotional attachment; he had never experienced anything like that before. He closed his eyes tightly and when he spoke again it was with immense effort. "Bring the doctor in; see if he can figure any of this out."

Blair looked backwards to where she knew Holly was still standing; the girl was already exiting to page the doctor. Blair looked back to Chuck, knowing that she must look desperate because he was looking at her with a gaze that Chuck Bass rarely wore; he was looking at her with a gaze filled with pity. "Don't look at me like that." She spoke softly but with an obvious command in her voice. "Please don't look at me like that." This time her voice was gentler.

"I'm sorry." Chuck spoke in response as he looked away from Blair's eyes. He knew what she must have seen in them and her response caused yet another tightening of his chest.

Blair swallowed. "You say that a lot now."

Chuck brought his shoulders up in a sort of half shrug. "I don't know what else to say."

Blair was opening her mouth to speak when the doctor walked in. She stood and backed away so the doctor could get closer. She stood there for the better part of an hour as the doctor asked Chuck question after question but she realized almost immediately that the doctor was just as perplexed by all of this as she was. He wasn't going to be able to give them any more answers than they already had. "I'm afraid this is as much a puzzle to me as it is to you Chuck. Seeing Miss. Waldorf has seemed to trigger your recollection of names but you don't seem to have remembered anything that you didn't before. Amnesia can be a tricky thing and sometimes its effects are irreversible. You might want to consider going home and living your life." As he was about to leave he pulled Holly aside and whispered something in her ear.

Chuck nodded as the doctor spoke; nodded but wasn't certain that he understood. How was it possible that he remembered their names and nothing else? Why did his memory stop where it did? Why couldn't anyone tell him what was wrong with him? Damn it he was Chuck Bass; he got what he wanted when he wanted it so why couldn't anyone answer his fucking questions?

After the doctor left Blair returned to her seat next to Chuck's bed. "So what do you think? Do you want me to have them prepare your release papers?" Blair couldn't deny that that was what she wanted; maybe if she got Chuck back into his own environment things would start coming back to him.

Chuck could feel the panic rising up in him. It was the kind of panic he felt when he accidentally slept with a stage 5 clinger. It was like the walls were closing in around him and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't go back to New York. He wouldn't know how to function in this world that Blair had described. He wasn't the guy that she wanted him to be. He didn't feel the way about her that she wanted him to feel. He was a different Chuck Bass and he couldn't pretend otherwise. "I'm not ready to go home." He said finally.

Blair smiled understandingly. "Okay that's fine. We can stay for a couple more weeks. Maybe you'll remember something else and I'm sure there are more tests that the doctors can run."

Chuck shook his head. "No I think you should go back to New York." She didn't get it. He could tell with one look that she didn't get what he was trying to say to her.

"I'm not leaving you here all by yourself." Blair spoke as she reached out to take his hand again. Normally, Blair Waldorf could read Chuck Bass like an open book. She knew him better than he knew himself; but this wasn't the Chuck Bass that she knew, at least not anymore. That made things a little more difficult.

Once more Chuck moved his hand away. "You're not understanding me. I want you to go back to New York and I want to stay here; alone."

Blair felt herself draw backwards. The intensity in Chuck's gaze let her know how serious she was and suddenly she felt like one of his one night stands being asked to leave his suite after sex. So this is what that feels like? She thought to herself as her heart broke. "Why?" She asked, hearing her voice break.

"Because I'm not the Chuck Bass that you want me to be. I don't know how to be that guy." Chuck spoke steadily.

Blair shrugged slightly. "That's okay. We'll work things out and maybe eventually . . ."

This time Chuck let his frustration and panic escape into the tone of his voice as he interrupted her. "You don't get it. I don't want to be that guy. I like who I am right now. I like this Chuck Bass. I don't want to go back to New York where there will be all of these expectations for who I am supposed to be. I'm not ready for that and honestly I don't think I ever will be."

Blair felt as though she had been slapped across the face. Chuck had just blatantly told her that he had no interest in being with her, maybe ever. That he didn't care if he ever remembered what they meant to each other. How was that even possible? How could he . . . "I love you." Blair said, her voice interrupting her own thoughts. "And you love me. I know you do. The first time you told me you said that you always had and you always would. This is still always Chuck."

Chuck shook his head again. "I'm sorry Blair but I don't feel that way about you. I don't feel that way about anyone."

The tears running down her face felt like acid as they burned their way down her cheeks. She wanted to hit Chuck, to hurt him, to make him feel the kind of all consuming pain that she was feeling right now. "I need you Chuck. Our baby needs you. I can't do this without you."

Chuck was uncomfortable. He wasn't used to Blair pleading with him and crying; he wasn't used to emotions at all and right now he was being hit with an onslaught of them, both his and hers. "I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't. Just go back home, go back to Nate."

At the sound of Nate's name Blair threw the clutch in her hand against the wall. "How many times do I have to say it, Nate and I aren't together anymore and we never will be again?"

"I don't know what else to tell you. If you aren't going back to Nate then just go back to New York and find someone else to take care of you because I can't do it. I don't want to do it." Chuck shouted.

Blair jerked at his harsh words; this was so unlike the Chuck that she was used to, this wasn't her Chuck at all. She shakily regained her composure. "You don't understand anything." With that she stood, walking over to collect her clutch and walking out of the room.

As Blair walked into the hallway, wiping her tear stains away with a tissue, she felt someone place a hand on her shoulder. She placed her hands by her side as she turned around to see the nurse, Heather, Hannah, Haley, whatever her name was, standing in front of her. "Yes?" She asked, trying to remain composed.

Holly looked at the young woman in front of her and couldn't help but think that she had the saddest eyes she'd ever seen. The girl looked absolutely heartbroken and she knew that there was nothing that she or anyone other than Chuck could say to make any of it better. "The doctor wanted to talk to you before you left. He's on his way."

Blair nodded slightly; he probably just had a couple questions to ask her that he couldn't in front of Chuck. "Thank you . . . Holly." She spoke, finally remembering the name of the young nurse. Within a minute the doctor was approaching her from down the hallway. "You wanted to talk to me?" She asked as he approached.

"Yes. Miss. Waldorf was it?" He asked, receiving a nod of confirmation. "I was informed that your relationship with Mr. Bass might have been the catalyst for his accident?" Again Blair nodded. "And that his memory seems to stop at the beginning of this relationship?" Once more Blair nodded. "This leads me to a rather disturbing conclusion. Now before I tell you this I want you to know that I'm not one hundred percent certain, one can never be with matters such as these; however my gut instinct as a physician has led me to believe that perhaps his amnesia is somewhat voluntary."

Blair had been standing there thinking that the manner in which all of the doctor's statements were actually questions was annoying when he spoke his last statement causing her mouth to fall open in shock. "Are you suggesting that Chuck is forgetting our relationship on purpose?"

The doctor tilted his head slightly. "Not exactly. What I'm saying is that it's probable after the trauma of the crash, Chuck's brain and heart for that matter couldn't handle any more stress or trauma and it chose to forget what was causing him to feel these emotions." Seeing the set of the girl's jaw, he could see that she wanted to march right in there and tell Chuck what the doctor had just said to her so he continued speaking in order to prevent this from occurring. "Now it is my professional opinion that Chuck would not benefit from knowing this, that it might hinder his recovery so I am going to ask that you don't tell him."

Blair inhaled deeply; she didn't know how much more of this she could handle. "What does this mean?" The doctor looked as though he was about to re-explain everything so Blair rephrased her question. "I mean, what does this mean for me, for Chuck? What difference does it make?"

Understanding her meaning, the doctor shifted his glasses down on his nose as though he wanted to look at her over the rim, as though he wanted to examine the girl before him with his own eyes. "It means that there's nothing I, or any of my colleagues can do for him. There's no test to be done, no medicine to use. The patient won't recover any more of his memory until _**he**_ is ready to do so."

All Blair wanted to do was scream. Inside she was doing just that. Inside her screams were echoing around her brain and through every single cell. The only thing she wanted more in that moment than to scream was for Chuck to be Chuck again. So while her internal screaming was so loud that she couldn't hear anything else she turned away from the doctor and walked out of the hospital.

* * *

_**April 28, 2009 - Van der Woodsen Penthouse, NYC**_

__"Dude, remind me again why we're at the Van der Bass apartment?" Nate asked as he spun the soccer ball currently in his hands. He and Dan were supposed to be going to the park to play soccer but Dan had asked Nate to meet him in the lobby of the Van der Woodsen's building.

Dan grimaced; he sucked at this plotting business. "I left my tennis shoes in the media room upstairs." As he lied he slipped out his phone and quickly texted Serena.

**In the elevator, should be in two minutes.**

Nate nodded. "Right." He was distracted and anxious. He knew that Jenny didn't live at the Van der Woodsen's but with Eric there; she could potentially be there at anytime. "And your sister is where?"

Dan didn't know how he'd even gotten Nate this far, it was a weak excuse to start with; even the Humphrey's had more than one pair of tennis shoes. He quickly looked down at a simply okay from Serena before speaking again. "My sister is out shopping with Serena." Dan spoke as the elevator doors opened and they stepped out. "I just have to run upstairs and grab my shoes; we'll be out of here long before they get back."

Again Nate nodded tentatively. "I'll wait here." He couldn't explain his anxiety; there was something that just felt off with all of this. He was tentative as he sat down on one of the living room sofas; he needed to chill the fuck out.

As Dan started up the stairs he pulled out his phone and sent one last message, then his role in this was done.

**ShowTime**

When Serena saw the code word appear on her phone she walked out of her bedroom, knowing that Jenny would follow. "So you really haven't heard from Blair?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Not for almost a week." Jenny said as she followed Serena back out into the expansive living room. "The last time I talked to her was the day she convinced me that there was something more going on with Chuck."

Serena might have used the currently MIA Blair Waldorf as a reason for getting Jenny over here but she really was concerned that no one had seen or heard from Blair in days. She was about ready to kill both her mother and Bart for chasing her away. "So that means that the last person to hear from her was . . ."

"Nate" Jenny breathed as she came to a sudden stop, spotting Nate standing up in the living room. She was frozen, she didn't know what else to do or say, she wasn't ready for this, wasn't ready to see him.

Serena started backing away. "I'm just going to go upstairs and let the two of you talk."

Nate experienced several emotions in only a short time span. Surprised at seeing Jenny, validation for his feelings of anxiety, and anger at the realization that he had been set up. "Not so fast Serena. I don't have anything to say to her." Nate spoke not even looking at Jenny.

Serena didn't pay much attention to Nate's words as she continued to back up the stairs to where Dan had emerged on the upper landing. "We just want the two of you to talk." He spoke placing a hand on Serena's back to support her.

"I don't want to talk to her." Nate shouted towards Serena and Dan before turning his hand towards Jenny surprised to see that she looked shell shocked. His first thought was that she had been in on this but maybe she had been just as blindsided by all of this as he was. "I don't want to talk to you." He spoke, his words still harsh.

Jenny still stood there frozen staring at Nate. At least her mouth finally seemed to be working or perhaps it was just now that she had been able to think of something to say. "Nate, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Something in her words set him off and Nate found himself directing the anger pulsing through his veins at her. "Sorry for what Jenny? Sorry for sleeping with my best friend? Sorry for lying to me about it for months? Or just sorry for being here?"

"All of it." Jenny said as she took a step forward, towards Nate. Serena was standing on the stair case encouraging her with her eyes and hand motions.

Nate immediately backed away. "God Jen, don't you get it I'm not ready for this and there's a good chance I never will be."

Jenny sighed slightly as she closed her eyes and pursed her lips. "I know. I just miss you."

Serena and Dan looked at one another each knowing what the other was thinking; _perhaps things were working out after all._

The first words Nate wanted to say were, "I miss you too", but he knew that that would only lead to things he didn't want to happen; things he couldn't let happen. So instead he spoke words that he knew would hurt her. "You did this. So don't stand there looking at me with those innocent eyes acting like I'm putting you through something terrible by staying away. You're the one that whored yourself out to my best friend."

Jenny's mouth fell open, not quite believing that Nate had the gall to say what he just had and spoke her next words without thinking. "Because you had just told everyone that Blair was the love of your life."

"So you bang the first guy you can find?" Nate asked taking a step forward, a menacing look twisting his features. "When we got back together I did everything in the world thinking that I had something to make up for, little did I know you were sleeping with my best friend! You let me go on for months thinking that everything was finally good between us again but really you were playing me all along. God Jen you thought you were pregnant and you didn't even tell me."

"It was one time Nate, one moment of weakness." She pleaded knowing that she was about to start crying. "And I'm sorry."

Nate shook his head. "Sorry isn't good enough." He spoke backing away suddenly. He looked up to find Dan and Serena still standing on the landing. "I'm out of here and next time the two of you should leave the plotting to Chuck and Blair, they would have found a way to manipulate us back into a relationship."

Jenny just stood there watching Nate walk away. She shook as she heard him bang on the elevator doors while he waited on them to open. Once he was gone she felt Serena put her arm around her, attempting to pull her into a hug. Jenny spun around, jerking herself away. "Don't touch me."

"Jenny we were just trying to help." Serena spoke softly, taking a step towards the younger girl as Dan appeared at her side.

Jenny shook her head furiously, letting the anger that had been building during her conversation with Nate explode. "This is all your fault! Why couldn't you just mind your own business?"

Dan placed an arm protectively around Serena. "Jenny that's not fair, we were trying to get you guys back together."

Jenny sighed infuriated. "I am well aware of what you pathetically attempted to do. Do you honestly think that I haven't had the opportunity to talk to Nate since we've been back from London? It's been months. I know where he lives and we go to the same school. If I had thought he was ready to talk I would have gone to him. But I knew he wasn't ready, not after what I did. He needed more time, we both did; but you just had to force us to confront our issues. Now after that he may never want to talk again."

Serena reached to touch Jenny's shoulder but she backed away. "Jenny . . ."

"Just leave me alone and mind your own business." Jenny shouted as she turned and walked to the elevator, glad when it came quickly and she was able to escape.

As Jenny left Dan looked at Serena. "Well that went well." He spoke sarcastically, earning him an immediate smack on the shoulder from Serena. "Really though it could have been worse."

"How could that possibly have gone worse?" Serena asked crossing her arms irritably.

Dan gave a small smirk. "He still calls her Jen." Serena raised her eyebrows in a gesture he knew meant 'so what.' "That means he still cares."

_**

* * *

**_

_**May 3, 2009 - Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

"I still can't believe you just let her walk out of here. I mean Jesus Christ Chuck she's carrying your baby!" Emma exclaimed adamantly as she sat down in the chair next to Chuck Bass's bed. Emma was a candy-striper at the hospital when she wasn't at school and over the time that Chuck had been there he had intrigued her. Now anytime she could get away with it she hung out in his room. The back-story was what attracted her, the charm and good looks drew her in, she had stayed for the amazing tales he told of the city and what it was like to have that kind of money, now she considered him a friend and had just asked for the third time to have him repeat Blair Waldorf's story.

Chuck shook his head tersely. "It's not that simple. I don't know for sure that it's my kid that she's carrying. I told you, the last thing I remember; she was my best friend's girlfriend. That's why I can't believe her story Em; I wouldn't do that, not to my best friend. If there was one line I wouldn't cross, it's that one." Many things had changed since Blair visited. He was no longer wearing the flannel pajamas Holly had acquired, instead he now donned a silk robe and pajama set imported from France, the sheets were different too, and the food he ate was catered. Honestly he might as well just get a room somewhere but he couldn't bring himself to leave the hospital and he was funneling enough money into this place that they weren't about to kick him out. He had called his lawyer and had his credit cards terminated and had checked the state of his bank account; no real damage done. A couple million missing at the most but percentage wise that was like dropping a couple of pennies. Something else that had changed was his contentment. Before Blair's visit, everything had been perfectly fine. Sure he didn't know who he was but mentally he was fine. Now he was restless all the time. He felt like there was somewhere else he was supposed to be and the thoughts that assaulted his mind at all hours were mind boggling and he couldn't even begin to sort through them. Yet even with his mixed up thoughts he knew he'd done the right thing in sending Blair away; that was one responsibility that he wasn't anywhere near ready for.

Emma sighed dreamily as she clasped her hands together. "But Chuck, what if it is true? I mean come on it's like the most romantic story ever. It's like your very own fairy tale."

Again Chuck shook his head, Emma had gotten really wrapped up in all of this over the past few days and he wanted to say that it was grating on his nerves but in truth it was good to have someone to talk to about his feelings that didn't judge him and didn't expect anything in return. Just as he was about to speak, Holly walked in and crossed her arms. "Emma what did I tell you about pestering Mr. Bass?"

Chuck shrugged slightly, trying to not look too invested. "She's fine and you know you can call me Chuck."

Holly sighed slightly as the younger nurse shot her a smirk but she found herself taking a seat as well; she couldn't deny that she was immensely curious about Chuck's past and his relationship with the girl who had visited a few weeks ago. "Well then do continue."

Chuck smirked; he could tell that Holly was as interested in what he was thinking as Emma even if she didn't want to admit it. "What I was about to say was that is just what it sounds like; a fairy tale. It can't be true."

Emma found the excitement of the situation getting the better of her again and spoke passionately. "What if she is carrying your baby Chuck? Are you really prepared to just walk away from that?"

Chuck shook his head. "I'm not walking away from anything I'm not the father of that kid. Maybe the Chuck with a memory is, but I'm not. Even if it is my child I would be an awful father, the kid deserves better, so does Blair. She'll find somebody to take care of her and the child and they'll make her happy in ways I couldn't."

Emma threw her head back and sighed loudly. "But don't you like her? Don't you care about her?"

Chuck pursed his lips, something he rarely did. He didn't want wrinkles. "Yes I care about her." He replied honestly.

"Then what's the problem? If you care about her go be there for her." Emma said matter-of-factly.

Chuck averted his eyes from the honest trusting ones of the young girl in front of him. "I think I want to be alone to think." He heard Emma sigh and leave as he remained facing the other wall but he knew there was still someone else in the room. He waited for a moment expecting her to leave as well, when she didn't he spoke. "You too Holly."

Holly had remained standing there getting her thoughts in order, preparing to make a case that she had been building for the past few days. She had been waiting for the perfect time to talk to Chuck and this was it. "Don't talk, listen." She spoke as she walked to the other side of the room where Chuck was still staring, knowing that Chuck could very well just turn the other direction and block her out; but she had a feeling that he wouldn't, she had a feeling that he would hear her out. When Chuck didn't look away and she was certain that she had his attention she began to talk. "Over the time you've been here, I've gotten to know you pretty well. You more than care about Blair Waldorf. I knew that before she came here and after seeing the two of you together I'm more certain of that than ever. If you are still trying to convince yourself that she was lying to you about any of what she said you need more than a CT Scan to help you out. She flew here from New York to see you, to bring you back. And you treated her like shit, sending her away in tears."

Chuck felt himself flinch at her words. "You have no right to speak to me like that, I am a patient here and you are interfering in matters where you don't belong." There was a hard edge to his voice, one he found he didn't particularly like. He found the edge ebb away as he spoke again. "Besides, you don't understand, the Chuck Bass that Blair Waldorf knows might be in love with her, but that's not me. I can't just manufacture those feelings."

Holly laughed lowly. "No you don't understand." Then in a whiney imitation of Chuck she continued. "I'm Chuck Bass and she's too good for me. I couldn't possibly be in love with her because she deserves better." Her normal voice returned. "Seriously Chuck? Do you even hear yourself? All I've heard from you is how badly Nate treated her and side comments about how you would never treat her like that. This is your chance to do that. She loves you; she'd be patient with you. And that's not the only thing you're getting a chance at. From what you've said about your father I know that he wasn't a great one, every time you spoke of him you said that when you have a son that you're going to make sure he knows that you love him; yet you are about to let Blair go carrying your child. Get your thoughts together Chuck, write a journal, use that lap top you've brought in and do a blog; just do something to work this stuff out in your head because if you don't you'll regret it."

Chuck didn't know why he felt so angry but Holly's words made him want to punch someone. "How dare you presume to know my feelings about anything! Get out of my room and do your job before I have you fired because trust me it would only take one phone call."

Inhaling deeply Holly started walking out of the room she knew that Chuck was serious but right before she walked out the door she couldn't help a parting remark, if it got her fired she'd deal with it. "Grow up Chuck."

At first Chuck could only think of the anger and righteous indignation he felt at Holly's words, especially her last comment. She acted as though she didn't know who she was speaking to, not to mention her words definitively placed him in the wrong. Holly was acting like she knew his feelings better than he did which was simply ludicrous. He knew how he felt and he knew that what he felt for Blair wasn't love. Sure he hadn't been able to get her out of his head lately but that was just because she had visited and told all of those ridiculous stories. So what if they were true, that wasn't him and she wasn't his responsibility. As Chuck thought the words they didn't sit easily within his mind; it was as though his brain was rejecting the thoughts, screaming at him that Blair was his responsibility, in some ways she always had been. It was true, he had always worked to make Blair happy when Nathaniel did something to disappoint her which he inevitably always did, when her mother told her she was fat, when her father left, when Serena left, he was always the one she turned to; Blair's happiness was his responsibility.

As he came to that new conclusion Chuck began to ponder just why Holly's words had gotten to him. Why should he care what some vapid nurse thought? So she thought that he was already in love with Blair and she made presumptuous statements in relation to his father and his past relationships, so what? The only reason that was fathomable was that on some level he was afraid that she was right. It would explain his unrest of the past week as well as explain the pain he had felt upon hurting Blair. Now the real question was whether or not this realization changed anything.

**

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**A/N: Remember Chuck is the Chuck from circa episode 1.06 BEFORE Blair ever happened. So while I sure as hell hope his actions in the chapter are out of character for my Chuck (and the Chuck of the show now) he isn't that guy (yet). Just in case anyone cares I have pictures of what I think of as the nurses on my profile. **

**Reviews are love **

**xoxo  
kate**


	57. Worth Not Giving Up

**Hey guys. I've apparently been lying, I have three more chapters planned after this one (they keep being too long and then I have to split them). Another note, my friend Katie does actually work at the Carolina Coffee Shop and is quite obsessed with the British royal family which worked out well for this story. So shout out to Katie who's kind of psyched about her cameo. Also, I totally made up the address for Bass Industries that I use; if someone knows an actual address for it I'll be glad to change it. One other thing, since I started writing this before we ever actually met Lord Marcus I just wanted to remind everyone that I've been using Marcus's name from the books. Lastly to any of you who read my other stories particular What We Don't Remember, I will be returning to those I swear I just need to be in one place for more than a week so that I can sit down and devote some time to my fanfics.  
**

To my reviewers: **smartin555, Krazy4Spike, tvrox12, CarolinaGirl21, ggff-fan, kitkat0425, LitPrincess2787, LayRay, and annablake. **You guys have been with me through FIFTY SIX chapters. That's totally major and yet you continue to inspire me with each and every review. I love you guys! Also to those who recently favorite'd this story and put it on story alert it is wonderful to still be getting new readers this late in the story but I'm so glad you all tuned in. Enjoy. And to **miragrace93 **for all of the offers of support and help, I truly do appreciate it .

Last but not least, thanks so much to my wonderful betas for this chapter **EmilyEcstatic **and** ggff-fan**. You guys save my tail and keep me from looking like an idiot on a regular basis and I love you for it!

**Disclaimer: I own more SillyBandz than a girl my age should but I do not own Gossip Girl.**

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time. **

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May 8, 2009 - The Palace Hotel, NYC**_

Blair sighed from where she was seated on Chuck's bed as she looked down at her phone.

**Gossip Girl here, but someone isn't, or perhaps we should make that two someones. First C went missing, now B; where are all of my lovely UES's running off to? There's been no sign of B in almost two weeks, and C's been gone for two months. My guess says Queen B is searching for her rightful King. In other news, J and N are still on the outs and we hear it might have something to do with little J spreading her legs for someone other than N, gasp! Gossip abounds on the UES and you know I'll be here to spill it all. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

Gossip girl was making her life more difficult by the day as it seemed that she and Jenny were the only two people doing anything interesting lately, or in her case doing nothing, which had somehow become interesting. All she had wanted to do was keep a low profile for a few days while she recovered from seeing Chuck but gossip girl was making it difficult for her to even leave the Palace without alerting her friends of where she was staying and that she was in New York at all. She was lucky that seniors were expected to skip class otherwise she would have had to deal with crap from Constance too, if they even knew where to reach her anymore.

When she had left Chuck's hospital room she had been devastated. She had stayed in the waiting room the rest of the day, unable to bring herself to actually leave, or even simply move from her position in the uncomfortable plastic chair. When she finally managed to call Harrison and return to her hotel room she certainly couldn't bring herself to go back to New York. At the same time she wouldn't degrade herself by going back to the hospital. Instead she had wandered around in Chapel Hill, surprised to find that as small as it was she enjoyed it. It provided her with a certain amount of solace, she was able to relax and just think without having to worry about gossip girl or anyone else for that matter. She'd also never been to a city that seemed to be solely populated by college students and it was different and she found herself truly enjoying it. But from the beginning she had known that she couldn't stay there forever; if she wasn't going to go see Chuck again, there was no reason for her to remain in North Carolina at all. There was simply a very large part of her that didn't want to be away from him again even if he didn't want to see her and New York felt like too far too soon.

She had a favorite cafe on the main street of Chapel Hill that she had begun to frequent, the Carolina Coffee Shop. The servers knew her by name and knew to expect her every morning at nine, at the table by the window. Sitting at her table she looked out on Franklin Street at the college students passing by, some of them holding hands and felt a pang of sadness in her heart.

"So who's the guy?" The waitress asked as she filled up Blair's cup of coffee.

Blair looked up at the waitress, noting that her name tag read Katie. "No guy." She said with a shrug. She wasn't quite ready to start talking to strangers about her relationship with Chuck. Blair was a private person even with her closest friends and this was a subject she was nowhere near ready to share with them, much less someone she barely knew.

Katie shook her head knowingly. She was young too and she knew the signs of heartbreak, all of which were written plainly on the brunette's face. "Whoever he is, he isn't worth it." However, as she said the words she noticed the girl's reaction and became uncertain. "Or is he?" She asked setting down the coffee pot.

This time Blair smiled. The girl was friendly enough and seemed willing to listen, plus after she left Chapel Hill she would never see her again so why not just talk to her? After all, it might help her sort some things out. "I think he is. Or maybe I should say I know he used to be."

Katie raised an eyebrow intrigued. "I have a break in five minutes, I'll be right back." Precisely five minutes later, Katie was taking the seat across from Blair. "Okay so he used to be worth it, what changed?"

"He did." Blair said her voice strangely strong. "My name's Blair by the way."

"Katie." The waitress replied with an encouraging smile.

Blair nodded and continued. "Our relationship has been complicated. When we started seeing each other he wasn't a good guy, except to me. Things went sour and I tried to use a guy to get back at him but from there things got worse." She bit her lip slightly, knowing just how crazy the next part of her story got. "The guy, Chuck, told me he loved me but the guy I'd brought home to make him jealous, Marcus, turned out to be a bad person to use. He's kind of powerful; a British lord at the time. He blackmailed me into marrying him."

Katie's eyes shot open as she spoke abruptly. "Are you Blair Waldorf? I knew you looked familiar." As Blair nodded her head a little shocked at being recognized in North Carolina of all places; she had been of the opinion that she was completely anonymous down here. How was it possible that a simple peon from the south knew who she was simply by hearing a smile portion of her life story? But then again everything about North Carolina had been surprising her. She was about to say something else but Katie kept talking. "Then you're talking about Marcus Beaton-Rhodes. I can't believe he forced you to marry him, I thought you guys were the perfect couple and oh my God I want your second wedding dress, the one you wore for the queen."

Now Blair was almost weirded out, or maybe the right word wasn't almost but definitely. "How did you know any of that?" She asked skeptically.

"I follow British tabloids." Katie said with a shrug. "I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that he had blackmailed you into marriage. Now continue, please."

Blair tried to shake her surprise as she continued. "Chuck and I tried to be together anyway; we tried to find a way out of the engagement to but as you know we didn't. We wrote each other the entire time I was in London and over Christmas he surprised me while I was visiting my father in France, he proposed and we were going to run away together but Marcus showed up. We went back to London but Marcus found the letters and forced me to end things with Chuck for good. Then after our wedding in London, Marcus realized what he'd done to me and let me go; but it was too late. Chuck had disappeared, presenting an elaborate scheme that had us all thinking he had just left town; but I knew differently. It turns out he bought a car and drove far away, to North Carolina where he wrecked it on purpose." Katie gasped and Blair kept speaking. "He's okay physically, but he doesn't remember any of our relationship. He's back to being that guy that he was at the beginning and trust me, that Chuck Bass was not worth it." Blair finished, leaving out some of the finer points in their relationship turmoil, there were things that strangers simply didn't need to know.

Katie exhaled. "Well I'd definitely say there's a guy." She said referencing their first words to one another. "Is the baby his?" She asked, sparing a glance towards Blair's stomach.

Blair nodded. "Marcus and I never, so it only could be his."

"Did you tell Chuck all of this?" She asked sympathetically.

Again Blair nodded. "All of it and more. But he doesn't believe me. Like I said, this Chuck is a total Basshole." When Katie looked confused she realized her use of her old nickname for Chuck and filled in the blanks in what Katie must be missing. "He's Chuck Bass which leaves lots of delightful ways to twist his name. Basshole, Basshat, Chuck Basstard, and Mother Chucker, to name a few."

Katie nodded, stifling laughter. "So what was his response?"

"It was my worst nightmare." Blair began. "The things he said were horrible, even for him and he made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be a part of mine or the baby's life; that he didn't care about us in the slightest."

Katie could see her boss looking agitated out of the corner of her eye; her break was almost up so she didn't have much time but after listening she thought she at least owed Blair some advice. "You have to remember that the real Chuck is worth it. After everything you've told me I can see that you love him and that you'd love him no matter what. You can't give up on that, no matter what. Even if he never remembers the things that he's forgotten, he's clearly cared about you from the start; you said he was different with you even then. Just do whatever it takes to help him realize that you're not going to give up on him." With that, Katie stood. "I've got to get back to work but I'll pray for you."

Blair smiled in return. Until she came to North Carolina she'd probably heard the phrase 'I'll pray for you' once; since being here it seemed to be what everyone said. Oh the joys of the Bible belt. She continued sitting there for a while, thinking over what Katie had said, as well as the things that Chuck had said to her and she realized something important, Katie was right, Chuck had always been worth it, she just hadn't realized it; no one had. Smiling, she realized that she had come to a decision; now she just needed to go back to New York and take care of some things. Most importantly there was a slight matter of the fact that the only place she had applied to college was Oxford. She most definitely had no intentions of returning to London, so something had to be done about that. And there were other things that she needed to arrange before she came back to prove to Chuck, that she wasn't going anywhere. When Blair left she placed a hundred on the table and used the back of her receipt to write the waitress a quick note.

_Katie, thanks for listening. This is for your advice._

Now, as she sat on Chuck's bed two days after her conversation with Katie, she realized that there was more to take care of than she thought; she had someone that she needed to visit. Gathering what she needed, Blair exited the hotel and walked out to the curb where she quickly hailed a cab; Harrison was probably the part of North Carolina she missed the most, cabs were annoying when one was trying to keep a low profile. Climbing in she spoke "Bass Industries, it's 47th and 6th."

The cab ride was short as she was already only a couple blocks away. Normally Blair would have just walked but she thought a cab would be a slightly less conspicuous mode of transportation. Arriving at Bass Industries, she walked in with her head held high. She was glad that Bart had no prior knowledge that she was coming or he might have barred the door this time with what she had to say. Approaching Bart's personal secretary's desk she spoke very little. "Is he in there?" She asked gesturing towards the grand doors guarding Bart's office.

"Yes but . . ." The secretary began but Blair paid her no attention as she strode by her desk and opened the grandiose doors. Walking in she saw Bart look shocked for perhaps the first time in her life. He was on the phone and his eyes were wide with her unannounced intrusion.

"Bradley let me call you back, my . . . daughter in law has just walked in." Bart spoke, quickly finishing the conversation as best as he could.

Blair raised her eyebrows as she walked towards Bart's desk. "Daughter in law?"

Bart's face was back to its normal emotionless state as he spoke again. "I'm not sure 'mother of my son's child' is a politically correct term or one that would engender much respect from my current and Chuck's future business associates. I improvised." As Bart spoke he rearranged the papers on his desk before leaning back, fixing Blair with a hard glare. "Now that you've stormed into my office unannounced, is there something I can do for you Blair?"

Inhaling Blair continued to walk forward. "I found Chuck."

Bart's lips twisted into a slight smirk but none of the rest of his face moved. "Excellent. See what did I tell you, it was only a matter of time. Where was he this time? Thailand, Dubai, Barbados, or his old favorite Monaco?"

Blair was standing directly in front of Bart's desk when she finally answered his question. "Chuck's in North Carolina."

At Blair's words, Bart's eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't quite sure what the situation was at the moment and that wasn't something he liked. Bart Bass always had the upper hand and at the moment he was somewhat painfully aware that the young woman carrying his grandchild, the same young woman he had practically thrown out of his office and home, knew something that he did not. "That's . . . different. Why, pray tell, is my son in North Carolina?"

"He tried to kill himself." Blair spoke, staring down at Bart Bass in a way few others would dare to do; but if there was one thing Blair had learned in the past few weeks it was that she didn't fear a man like Bart Bass. Some might find him intimidating but she found him weak.

This time Bart looked down right affronted. "Bullshit. My son wouldn't have tried to kill himself and in North Carolina of all places."

Blair reached inside her large designer bag and pulled out the files that she had received from the doctor in North Carolina, placing them on the desk in front of Bart. "Don't believe me? Read these. As far as I can tell, Chuck bought a car with the money he withdrew from the bank the day he left before giving his cards to someone with instructions to spend his money. He proceeded to drive south for hours before driving his car into a tree. He didn't have any identification on him and he thought he was far enough away that no one would think to look; but he wasn't counting on me coming home or he would no doubt have gone further. Chuck would have known that I would have never stopped looking. Chuck was the love of my life and I was his; he didn't want to live without me."

Tentatively reaching for the files, Bart looked up at a still standing Blair. "You said he tried to kill himself, I take it that means he failed." Blair gave a single curt nod. "Then why do you refer to him in the past tense?"

"It's all in the file." Blair spoke with a slight eye roll before deciding to continue. "Chuck has amnesia. He doesn't remember the past two years. He's not the same Chuck we know, not that you would notice a difference."

Bart who had become engrossed in the files before him allowed his head to snap up. "Don't try my patience Blair."

Inhaling sharply Blair slammed a hand down on Bart's desk before she realized what she was doing. "Don't try your patience? Don't try YOUR patience? Do you realize that if I hadn't known something was wrong we would have lost Chuck for good? You were content to sit here and wait for a century if it meant that you didn't have to act like a concerned father."

Bart stood to meet Blair eye to eye, knowing that height gave you the illusion of power and for some reason when facing off with the young brunette he found he needed that illusion. "I'm a businessman, I use more than my heart and hormones to make my decisions. I use facts and data on past trends. Any facts or data concerning my son would insinuate that Chuck was off partying and would return within a few months. I don't blame myself, I blame Chuck's past actions."

Blair crossed her arms over her chest. "If you want to continue deluding yourself into thinking that you did nothing wrong, deluding yourself into thinking that as a father you didn't totally suck, then be my guest and go right ahead. I'm done trying to convince you otherwise. I just came by because I thought that as a father you might want to know where your son was and just what kind of trouble he was in. You don't know your son at all and you almost missed out on any chance you had to remedy that." Blair took a step back from the desk noting that while furious Bart appeared properly chastised. Whether it made a difference or not, Blair was filled with a rush of warmth simply knowing that she had tried to shove Bart in the right direction. Without even knowing what she was saying, Blair found her mouth opening again saying words she would have never in a million years thought she would say; especially not to the great Bart Bass. "And you know what? I'm going to pray for you." The words surprised her as she wasn't even religious though she found herself meaning them. She had turned and was walking from the room when she heard Bart's voice.

"Where are you going?" Bart asked, surprising even himself.

Blair turned and looked over her shoulder to answer. "I'm going to bring Chuck home."

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_**May 10, 2009 - Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

Emma wasn't paying much attention to what was going on in front of the nurses' station as she rearranged the charts currently in disarray on the counter. She likely wouldn't have looked up if the young woman in front of her hadn't spoken, but the second she heard the girl's words her head snapped to full attention.

"Is Chuck Bass still in room 418?" Blair asked keeping her voice calm. In truth she'd already been by room 418 and there was someone who was very much not Chuck Bass residing there.

Emma's eyes were wide, Chuck Bass had had exactly one visitor the entire time he had been here and this girl certainly fit the bill. "Are you Blair Waldorf?" She asked rather in awe of the beautiful young woman in front of her. Honestly, she felt like she knew her already from all of the stories she'd heard. When Blair nodded, Emma's eyes lit up. "I'm so glad you came back! Chuck's been moved to a better room just follow me." Emma spoke as she walked around to where Blair was standing.

Blair looked strangely at the enthusiastic young girl in front of her but she did as she was requested and began to follow her over to the elevators. "Why are you glad I came back?"

Stepping into the elevator, Emma smiled nervously, realizing that she was being a little overenthusiastic. "I'm sorry, you must think I'm some kind of nut job. It's just I think Chuck's making a terrible mistake by not being with you! It's like he has the perfect fairy tale at his feet but he's refusing to see it."

Blair smiled reassuringly at the young girl, finding that she liked her even with all of her bubbly excitement. "I don't know about it being a fairy tale but I suppose I'm happy that someone doesn't think I'm crazy."

Emma spoke again, eyes still wide as she led Blair down the tenth floor hallway. "No I don't think you're crazy at all, I just think Chuck is being a stupid boy. This is his room." she said as she came to a stop in front of room 1040.

"Thanks." Blair spoke with yet another smile before opening the door. As she walked into the room she saw surprise on Chuck's face and full blown shock on Holly's, who was in the room dropping off Chuck's food.

Holly's eyes immediately found Emma's and her look of shock turned to one of fury. "EMMA! You know that she's not supposed to be here. Chuck doesn't want to see her. What were you thinking? Are you trying to get me fired!" She lowered her voice near the end and Blair realized that she had missed something fairly major in the last three weeks.

Emma had started to speak when Blair interrupted, practically spitting fire at Chuck. "You had me barred from visiting you?"

Chuck's eyes narrowed slightly. "I thought it would make things easier for you if you couldn't see me. Don't worry, it's not just you, practically everyone I know is on the list."

Blair crossed her arms angrily as Holly attempted to take her by the elbow. "Miss. Waldorf, you'll need to come with me, you really aren't allowed to be here."

Blair simply turned the full force of the Waldorf glare on the blond nurse, daring her to do something. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Then I'll have to call security." Holly spoke her voice small, that really wasn't something she wanted to do and Blair Waldorf's current glare was damn intimidating; so that's how she'd been the Queen of the Upper East Side, Holly found herself thinking as she withered under Blair's defiant stare.

Blair averted her eyes from Holly, only to lock them with Chuck's. "Go right ahead. I've already faced off with Big Bad Bart Bass, I think I can handle his son and whatever security this hospital might throw at me." She was well aware of the effect that her words would have on Chuck and knew that there was no chance that security was about to be called.

Neither Holly nor Emma had a clue what Blair was talking about or what it had to do with the situation but Chuck sure as hell did. "You went at it with my father?" He asked incredulously, a mix of skepticism and pride in his voice.

Blair nodded, a slight smirk forming on her face. "For the second time actually."

"Why?" Chuck asked finding himself sitting up in bed.

This time as Blair looked at Chuck she wore an expression that screamed 'do you really have to ask that?'

Chuck's eyes widened again. "You confronted my father because of me?"

"Of course." Blair said with a shrug as though it were the most mundane thing in the world. Breakfast with Serena, shopping at Bergdorf's, confront Bart, spa appointment at Sephora; all just a part of the ordinary life of Blair Waldorf.

Holly and Emma were both still standing there clueless as to what was going on when Chuck turned to them. "You ladies can go. And Holly, don't worry about calling security." Holly nodded and taking Emma by the shoulder she exited quickly, relieved that the situation had been diffused and she still had her job, if only temporarily.

Once they were gone Chuck turned back to Blair. "You can sit down." Blair immediately complied as her feet and ankles were rather sore; as she sat, Chuck spoke again. "Now tell me why exactly you faced off with my father." It was something that he had never truly mustered up the courage to do so that she had not only done it, but done it twice meant the world to him.

Blair shrugged. "The first time I was looking for help finding you. I lost that one." Blair's eyes met Chuck's as she smiled ruefully. "I can't believe he still doesn't know that you're allergic to onions."

This time it was Chuck who shrugged. "I'm over it."

But Blair could see that he wasn't as she continued to speak. "Two days ago I went to see him to tell him that I found you."

"I'm sure my fath-Bart didn't appreciate being told 'I told you so' by an eighteen year old girl." Chuck commented in all seriousness.

Blair kept her eyes on Chuck; she had noticed that he had almost called Bart his father. She had never known Chuck to call him that. It was always Bart, unless he was using the name in satire. "I wasn't there to say 'I told you so.' I was there to tell him what happened to you because he's your father and he should care."

Chuck looked at Blair searchingly needing to know the result of this confrontation more than he was willing to or capable of admitting. "And who won this round?" He finally asked, unable to keep it in any longer. Right now, he didn't know who the girl standing in front of him was to him; but she had always been his friend and she would be honest with him.

"The verdict's still out but I would say the score's now Blair 1, Bart 1." She noticed Chuck smile at her words and it warmed her heart. "I would wager that I'm now officially his least favorite person."

Chuck shook his head slightly. "Impossible." He spoke, his voice soft. Blair looked at him with furrowed brow and he continued in his most impenetrable voice. "That is an honor reserved for me alone."

Blair felt her heart breaking at Chuck's pain and she acted without thinking, reaching out a hand and placing it on the side of his face. "Chuck, your father loves you; whether he realizes it or not."

Chuck felt lost in her eyes, unable to look away. A certain shock in his system had occurred the moment her hand touched his skin. The place where her skin touched his was on fire but he didn't want her to stop. Instead he found himself leaning forwards towards her, wondering what it would feel like to taste her. As his lips met her own, her hands moved to his hair grasping tightly to him. Almost instinctively as though he had done it a million times before, Chuck's hands moved to hold her, to bring her closer as their kiss deepened; his fingers twisted in her hair, relishing the feeling of her body pressed against his. Suddenly, as though someone had sucked all of the air from his lungs, he was forced to break away to breathe. As he did, he saw Blair gasping for air as well and the reality of what he had just done hit him full force. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He said looking away.

"Why not?" Blair asked, still out of breath. "I clearly didn't mind."

Chuck shook his head. "That'll just give you the wrong impression. I haven't changed my mind." He spoke as he looked back at her but as he did he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he had changed his mind. He knew he had feelings for her, he had come to that conclusion over a week ago, but she was Blair Waldorf, of course he had feelings for her. In that same sense, because she was Blair Waldorf, she had needs, lots of needs and expectations and he wasn't the kind of guy who could fulfill those. "Why did you come here?"

Blair was doing her best to steel herself when she realized that being open and honest with Chuck was when she had gotten the closest to getting him back so instead she risked everything and left her heart wide open. "I came to bring you this." Blair said as she withdrew the iPod Touch from her purse.

"What is it?" Chuck asked, knowing that she would understand that he knew it was an MP3 player and that he was really asking her why she brought it.

Blair smiled wistfully. "You gave this to me the night I married Marcus, so that I would always have a piece of you and never forget our story. It's been updated several times since then." She handed the iPod to him. "I think you need it more than I do right now. There's pictures too." She added as almost an afterthought. She almost added that the playlist was called _Always Have, Always_ _Will_ but she noticed that Chuck had already turned on the iPod and found it.

Chuck looked at her strangely, not sure what else to say or do. "Is that all?" He asked almost hoping that she would refuse to leave. He didn't understand it but something in him desperately didn't want to lose her.

Blair shook her head reaching once more into her purse. "No, there's still this." She said withdrawing her engagement ring from her bag and holding it between her fingers. "When you gave this to me I refused to put it on my finger saying that when I put this ring on, I was never taking it off." As she finished speaking, she slid the ring down the bare ring finger of her left hand. "I'm not giving up on you Chuck, not now, not ever." She leaned forward and placed another kiss on his lips, one which she was delighted to find him deepening; but this time it was Blair who pulled away. She stood, maintaining direct eye contact. "Listen to the playlist, remember us, and come home to me; I'll be waiting for you." With those words she turned and walked from the room, with one last lingering glance at Chuck from the doorway.

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**Sorry this chapter was a little bit shorter guys, I thought the next part needed its own. Btw, I swear I'm not trying to convert anyone with my "I'll pray for you" catch phrase, I'm from North Carolina and people legitimately say that all the time (and no I'm not converting Blair either lol). Three more to go!**

*****IMPORTANT POLL ON MY PROFILE ABOUT NEXT CHAPTER*****

**I love reviews of course!**

**xoxo  
kate**


	58. You've Gotta Start Somewhere

**Hey guys! So I'm just going to stop saying how many chapters are left because honestly I don't know. I keep thinking I'm at the end but then another chapter gets too long and it has to be split. For instance the next three chapters were supposed to be one (all three are written and beta'd so I'm thinking I'll post every couple of days). I will say about this chapter that Chuck doesn't just skip through the songs or anything I just think you guys get the idea of the lyrics by now. Thanks to all of you who helped me out by voting, you guys rock and your opinion really helped out. Also another reminder even though I've mentioned it before but remember that my Chuck's mom died when he was like seven b/c I had already published that long before we knew otherwise. **

To My Reviewers: **smartin555, Juicyxoxocharm16, LayRay, CarolinaGirl21, tvrox12, odyjha, LitPrincess2787, ggff-fan, Krazy4Spike, GGfanficfan09, mrschuckbass94, and SouthernBelle88. **Thanks so much, I do this for you guys.

Special thanks to **miragrace93** for beta'ing this chapter at lightning speed! You are awesome. Thanks to **ggff-fan **as well for the advice on this chapter.

**Disclaimer: I own a lot of TY Beanie Babies left over from the 90s but I do not own Gossip Girl.**

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time. **

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_**Sunday, May 10, 2009 - Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

Chuck still lay in bed several minutes after Blair had left the room. Her words were still echoing in his ears. _I'm not giving up on you Chuck, not now, not ever. _He still remembered the feel of her lips on his, something he had only dreamed of experiencing in the past. And as it turned out reality was so much better than anything he might have imagined. She tasted incredible and her scent was intoxicating, Chanel mixed with something uniquely Blair Waldorf. God he had wanted her so much when she kissed him the second time. He would have done anything in that moment to have her and that's why he followed her next instructions. _Listen to the iPod, remember us, and come home to me. _She made him want to be with her more than he had ever wanted anything, more than he wanted freedom, and if there was a possibility that everything that she had told him was true, that Nate was out of the picture and she was really all his; then he had to try. Not to mention he was increasingly curious about the iPod and what it contained. _I'll be waiting for you. _With Blair's last promise still ringing in his hears he placed the earbuds in his ears and pressed play.

_"Blair, if you are listening to this I am so sorry, I failed you in so many ways if you are actually hearing me right now. Now enough of that, that isn't what this playlist is about; it's about us; our story. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride."_ Surprise hit him like a brick upon hearing his own voice. He wasn't sure what he had expected as he pressed play but this wasn't it. Blair had said that it was his wedding gift for her when she married Marcus so it made sense that it would be his voice and not hers but it was still a shock to hear oneself, especially speaking in such a romantic fashion. _"I could never in my life manage to forget this song. It was a wild night at Victrola and this girl that I had always thought was the perfect lady got up on stage and danced. If I could pinpoint the moment that it happened I would say that this is the moment that I fell in love with you."_ Chuck felt the irony of his words because he had indeed forgotten the significance of this song, to him it was just a song that the dancers at Victrola danced to. From his words he assumed that Blair had indeed been telling the truth when she said she danced for him that first night. Hearing his own voice say that he was in love with her was further shock, something he couldn't seem to get over as he listened to himself sing Stripper by the Soho Dolls. As the song finished he heard Blair's voice. _"I remember that night perfectly. Sure I was drunk the entire time, but when I was on that stage my entire body tingled with excitement. I'd been free and dare I say it, I'd been happy. I remember the entire experience as though it were yesterday: the lights, the other girls, and most of all your eyes_. _You watched my every move. You toasted me because I had taken your dare and proved you wrong."_ He came to the sudden realization that she had added this for him, to help him know her thoughts and their actions and found that it gave him a pleasurable feeling in his gut how much she did care about him; no one cared about him like that. He continued listening to her speak as though it were the most interesting thing in the world and to him it was. _"I wasn't in love with you yet but you were one of my best friends and looking back I can see that this is where it happened for you. This is where you went from respecting me to caring about me as more than a friend, more than all of those other girls you toyed with."_

The next words he heard were once more him. It was a strange feeling to truly know that everything that Blair said was true. There were still incredible feelings of doubt inside him because even though Blair told him all of this and now he was hearing it from his own voice, so much of it was still unbelievable. Blair wasn't meant to be his, she was Nate's, he wasn't supposed to interfere no matter how much he might have wanted to. Yet when listening to his own voice recount their past, it became a past that he could no longer deny. Instead he was left trying to decipher and believe it because there was a difference between denial and belief. _"When you danced on that stage that night I was more in awe of you then I ever thought I could be. Then in the limo you kissed me. You were the first and only girl I have ever asked if they were sure. I didn't want to mess things up with you." _He knew in his heart that he would have asked Blair if she was sure, he wouldn't have wanted to lose her or allow her to do something that she didn't want to even if it had meant getting to have sex with her. He just wouldn't do that to Blair. For him, she wasn't a conquest, she wasn't just another ass to tap; she mattered. The words of the song that followed his speech made him tremble. _**I don't want this moment to ever end, where everything's nothing, without you. I'll wait here forever just to see you smile, cause it's true I am nothing without you. Through it all I made my mistakes. I stumble and fall, but I mean these words. **_He wasn't familiar with the song With Me but the words felt so true that it scared him. Just like it scared him to think that without her he really might be nothing; he certainly didn't feel like Chuck Bass. _**I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul, I hold on to this moment you know. Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show and I won't let go. **_It was as though the song were written for him . . .written for him to sing to her. He could only imagine actually getting to be with Blair Waldorf at that moment and he knew that if he could remember it, it would be a moment that he would treasure and he would never want to let go of it or her_**. Thoughts read are spoken, forever in doubt. And pieces of memories fall to the ground. I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go. Cause it's true, I am nothing without you. And all the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go have come to an end. **_The song continued through another verse and chorus but to Chuck it was all the same as he was caught up in the idea that he had truly been Blair Waldorf's first. It was almost inconceivable, yet it had to be true. As the song finished he heard Blair once more.

_"I don't know that I can put into words how I felt that night. To my surprise, you made me feel wanted, desired, appreciated; all things that I hadn't been feeling from Nate in so long. I loved that feeling; almost like it were a drug. That's why I had thanked you for the ride home. I thought that maybe, just maybe you would say something to make me feel like that again and you delivered saying. 'You looked amazing up there tonight.'" _Chuck found himself smiling, from the sound of things he'd done well; he'd been a good guy for once. That fact alone made him feel good; he had been the good guy when it counted. _"You fed that thing inside of me that needed to be wanted, desired, appreciated. Wanting more of the feeling I moved closer to you, my eyes told you to close the distance to which you of course complied and I kissed you. That kiss will remain seared in my memory for the rest of my life simply because of the amount of passion that was behind it. It was the first kiss that I had ever received that made me feel truly desired and not like some kind of obligation. So when you asked me "You sure?" I fed the hunger and responded with another kiss. It felt so good to be wanted. You pulled me to you, pressing your body firmly against mine, communicating just how much you wanted me and I allowed myself to become completely engulfed by you, allowing you to swallow me whole. We flipped and twisted in the limo, kissing each other with ever increasing passion. I remember you putting on protection before entering me only because I tried to stop you; I was so impatient. You shot me a look and spoke firmly. 'I won't risk putting you through that.' It was one of the best nights of my life." _Blair concluded, leading once more into his own voice.

Chuck felt his body lurch at the sheer volume of emotion in his voice as he spoke again. _"I still feel that way you know. The next song is a little funnier. I remember pulling up to next to you the day after while I was listening to this in my limo. This song had always been the way I thought of girls so I thought that maybe if I listened to it; I could make myself think of you like that. Instead it turned out that everything was the opposite. You wanted to forget that night and I wanted a relationship." _Chuck felt a slight pain in his chest at hearing that Blair had wanted to forget about their night together after he had just admitted to himself that a night like that with Blair would have meant so much to him; but he had to smile at hearing himself sing the song he knew so well. The words of One Week of Danger were words that he had lived his life by **Come on baby, we get along, please don't just spoil it, don't steer us wrong. Let's get together and get it on, let's get those clothes off, before I'm gone. **That he had been unable to forget Blair was interesting but not surprising; you didn't just forget Blair Waldorf no matter who you were. As the song finished Blair spoke again as he had come to expect. _"Believe it or not I had gone to confession that morning. You pulled up next to me as I was walking out of St. Patrick's. I remember that this song was always your philosophy, use 'em and lose 'em and that had been exactly what I had wanted you to do to me. I asked you to pretend it never happened but you of course refused. I was the exception to your rule. You invited me to breakfast that morning, BREAKFAST! I was so stupid thinking that all I wanted was to get Nate back when we could have had something then and there. I pushed you away but you pushed back buying me the Erickson Beamon necklace and telling me that you liked me that night at my party. I have to admit that I wasn't so receptive to your feelings at first. I had practically tricked you into admitting that you liked me which only happened because I'm as perceptive as you are and when I reacted you responded with 'How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach . . . Fluttering.' When I called you out on your butterflies you responded with, 'I assure you, no one is more surprised or ashamed than me.'" _Chuck had had a difficult time accepting Blair's sequence of events but her use of his words showed him that she was still being truthful as that would be precisely how he would respond. Just like him admitting that he liked her would have taken someone as perceptive as Blair to coax it out of him. "_You comforted me when Nate didn't show up, which you orchestrated. You told me I was beautiful and you were the first person to really make me feel that way. Butterflies are and will always be a symbol of us to me."_

Leading into the next song Chuck found his words gripping. _"So this song is one that sticks out particularly in my mind. If you remember, it was the first time that you had ever mentioned anything about us being more that just friends with benefits. At the time I went with you when you said that I didn't want people to know either but right then, I would have traded Nate for you in a heartbeat." _Chuck found himself startled once more by his words. He had admitted that she was worth more to him than Nate. That was big. The song itself, You're A Wolf, was one he didn't really know but the concept that he had spoken of was riveting as were Blair's words. _"This song was playing one day after Cotillion practice. We were in the midst of foreplay when Nate interrupted us. He didn't catch us, Dorota called me downstairs and he tried to talk me into going to Cotillion with him; he succeeded."_ Chuck frowned realizing they were getting close to Nate and Blair's reunion and he found himself and his heart inexplicably linked with the Chuck of the past, this would hurt; but his hopes were bolstered by her next words. _"But that's not what I remember about that day. I remember that this was the first time I considered the possibility of what we had turning into an actual relationship. You suggested that I was only an accessory on Prince Theodore's arm and on you I would be so much more. And for the next few days I found myself seriously considering the possibility."_

Chuck couldn't seem to wipe the dopey smile off his face from Blair's last words until he spoke again; which wiped his smile away in an instant, leaving him wincing even though he knew it was coming. _"Now we have come to the part in our story in which I start screwing up. The Debutante Ball. I was so bent on keeping you that I plotted and schemed to do it. I tried everything in my power to make sure that I didn't lose you to Nate. But of course you being you and knowing me as well as you do you figured out what I had done and told me that we were through. Looking back now it is almost funny to me that I was so terrified of losing you that I couldn't see that I was the one pushing you away. This playlist isn't just about our good memories; it is about everything, our entire story. So here is the point where I lost control." _The song that followed was one he remembered from Cotillion practice; something that started back in June prior to each Debutante Ball, it was called Three Wishes and there was surprising truth in the words. _**You say you want to know her like a lover and undo her damage, she'll be new again. **_Finally accepting that he and Blair had had something, he was doing his best to place himself in each of these situations, thinking what he would have done with the opportunity to be with her. For instance, in this case he knew that he would want to know absolutely everything about Blair that he didn't already know, if there was anything he didn't know. He knew that she was damaged from Nate; that she would have had to have difficulty trusting again after what Nate did to her. _**Soon you'll find that if you try to save her, it renews her anger, you will never win. **_The line that followed was just as true because obviously he had just been trying to save her, to keep her safe; yet his scheming to keep her from Nate had completely blown up in his face, sending her fleeing from him. This time he was looking forward to the close of the song because he wanted to hear Blair's voice even more; he was becoming addicted. _"I love your version of this song, it sounds so dark and husky in your low voice. You cued it right after Nate had been thrown out. I walked over to you and as you pulled me into a dance I didn't stop you. After what Nate had pulled I was angry and was about one minute from making our relationship public just to punish Nate; that's when I realized that you had set the entire thing up. Looking back I realize that you did it because you loved me so much you didn't want to lose me but all I saw then was that you had betrayed me, manipulating me like you would anyone else, I was so hurt that I ran to Nate to get back at you. You tried to pull me back and kiss me in front of everyone but I ran away, straight to him."_ Chuck found himself gripping the bed sheets so tightly that his knuckles were white; of course he had screwed up and lost her; screwing up was what he did best.

_"So Blair there is something I have to confess before this next song, I saw you and Nate that night at the Cotillion. I followed you out of the ballroom and watched from the stairs as you pulled him into the bedroom. I'm sorry I never told you but that's why I left for Monaco. That was the moment that I didn't just know that I wanted you but that I was genuinely in love with you." _So it took losing her to realize that he was in love with her, that figured, Chuck reasoned as the lyrics of Apologize began to ring through his ears. He found himself hoping that at some point he had apologized for ruining her Cotillion, he knew it was important to her. Once more he found the lyrics fitting. _**You tell me that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say that it's too late to apologize, it's too late. I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you, I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothing new. **_He knew that he would never have done whatever it was he actually did to ruin her Cotillion if he'd known it would hurt Blair so badly that she wouldn't forgive him because after all the entire point was not to lose her. As the song came to a close he found himself trembling, waiting for the words that she was sure to say. _"That song was playing in the ballroom when Nate and I slept together upstairs. I wanted so much to prove to you that you couldn't control me and I saw it as a way to get my perfect life back. Looking back it makes me nauseous. I had everything I want now then and I threw it all away."_

Blair's words soothed him and he found himself relaxing his hands, letting the silk sheets slide through his fingers. At his next words, the fabric was once more twisted around his fingers and his blood pressure shot up. _"Ah yes, My Worst Mistake. Unfortunately not all of our memories are fond ones and since I'm really trying to tell our whole story; I've got to tell even the things that I regret and believe me I regret this more than anything I've ever done."_ Looking down at the list Chuck saw that this was a song called Happily Never After and could tell immediately that whatever Blair said afterwards was going to be bad; really bad. The words of the song did nothing to dispute this_**. I don't think I want this anymore as she drops the ring to the floor, she says to herself, 'You've left before' this time you will stay gone that's for sure. **_His words hadn't given much as to what exactly he had done but whatever it was sounded like he had done something awful to make Blair want to leave and give up on them. _**No happily ever after that just ain't for me because finally I know I deserve better after all; I'll never let another teardrop fall. **_Throughout the chorus his suspicions that he had done something truly terrible grew. From the sound of it, he'd done something that caused her to realize that she did deserve better than him. He wasn't wrong, there were tears in her voice. _"Remember how I glazed over you blogging about me to gossip girl and me almost running away to France?"_ She paused and he found himself nodding even though he knew there was no way for her to see him. _"The reason I almost left for France wasn't because of my ruined reputation, it was because of the words that you said to me. I remember them as though you just said them."_ Blair stopped for a moment and he hoped against all hope that she wouldn't say the words, he didn't think that he could handle them but he knew she would. _"When I said, 'I have no one to turn to but you,' your response was. "Actually you don't even have me,' You knew I was going to call your bluff so you elaborated, saying. 'I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched; but now you're like one of the Arabians my father used to own, rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.'" _Chuck felt the vomit rise in his throat on hearing what he had said to her, it was worse than he could possibly imagine. At his most hurt he couldn't see himself being that cruel; not to Blair, never to Blair. _"That's why I almost left for France. Not because I lost Serena, or my reputation, or the girls at school, or even Nate; I almost left for France because I lost you. I don't know that you ever knew that." _

Chuck looked down at his hands which were now facing palm up. How had she ever forgiven him for those words? How had he ever forgiven himself? _Had_ he ever forgiven himself? He knew about her eating disorder, he knew about her insecurities about not being good enough, he knew her greatest fear was not being wanted. It wasn't that she'd ever told him about her disorder (that he knew of), or that she made it obvious but he'd studied her enough to realize what was going on. Anyone close to Blair wasn't really seeing her at all if they didn't know; which made him wonder if he was the only one who really did see Blair for who she was. Which made it all the worse that he hadn't just gone after her reputation, he had said the very words that were needed to break her. What kind of person was he? Chuck likely would have continued to contemplate these things if his own voice hadn't cut in. _"Sorry for that last one. I know how hard that had to have been to listen to. This song is one I've included because of the date I heard it more than what was actually going on during the song." _Everytime. It wasn't a song he knew. He hadn't even heard of the band Lincoln Hawk; but right then he didn't care, he didn't really listen to it, he was too focused on the words he said and he needed to hear Blair's voice, to tell him that he had made up for it and that she was okay. When her voice finally spoke again he heaved a sigh of relief remembering that she wasn't experiencing this as he was, to her this was the past; but apparently she knew him better than he thought she did. _"Yes you apologized and yes I forgave you. I know you didn't mean what you said. I know you only said it because you were hurting. This song is actually Dan's father's band if you can believe that; apparently they were cool once. We went to one of their concerts to track down Georgina who was attempting to ruin Serena's life with a crazy sex tape that ended in a drug overdose. You and I talked for the first time in months and of course it was to scheme and plot the downfall of the crazy bitch."_

He was smiling at Blair's words because of course Georgina Sparks was a crazy bitch. He would never admit this aloud but his first time had been with her and she had practically sexually assaulted him. _"Blair, the wedding was one of the most important days of my life. Whether you know it or not, it was the first time I ever told anyone that I was in love with you. I told Nate and then I realized that I didn't want to be without you so I told you so in my best man speech. When you took me back I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. I am so sorry for screwing everything up." _So he won her back and threw her away, why was he even surprised anymore? For now he focused on relishing in that he'd won her back as he relaxed to an old Death Cab song, the Ice Is Getting Thinner that wasn't particularly relevant. He was ecstatic to hear Blair's voice once more, realizing that he was dangerously close to becoming addicted to the simple sound of her speaking. _"Your best man speech was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard and it was all for me, I'd known that from the start but afterwards you made sure I knew. You apologized for everything, telling me that I didn't belong with Nate, telling me that you wanted a relationship. The way you kissed me that night claimed me as yours forever. You said you wanted to take it slow; our version of such meant that we didn't rip each other's clothes off at the wedding reception. In fact we made it all the way back to your suite." _Blair paused and when her voice returned Chuck realized that there had been a change in it. Before she had sounded as though she was remembering things fondly now she sounded hurt and he immediately knew that this was the part where he screwed up. _"We were really happy for that one week but then I went to Tuscany and you were supposed to join me but you never came." _

Chuck was about to go to the next song desperate to learn why he'd abandoned her to go to Tuscany all by herself after he'd just gotten her back, when Holly walked into the room, surprised to find him still awake. "What are you doing up Chuck? It's three in the morning." She had come in just to check on him and couldn't believe he was still up and alert.

Chuck looked at Holly strangely. How was it possible that it was three in the morning? He looked over at the clock finding that she was correct and couldn't have been more surprised. He had gotten so wrapped up in the iPod that he didn't realize how much time had passed. He slipped the earbuds out of his ears and wrapped them around the iPod which he placed on his bedside table. "I didn't realize how late it was, I got distracted."

Holly nodded even though she didn't quite understand anything other than whatever Blair had said and given Chuck must have had quite an impact for him to still be up thinking about it. She left the room quickly, knowing he needed to sleep.

After Chuck watched Holly leave, he laid his head down on the pillow and wrapped the covers around him tightly. He had assumed that sleep wouldn't come easily as he hadn't even known how late it was but apparently Chuck hadn't realized just how exhausted he was and within a few minutes he was fast asleep.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed. I've included the song list again down below. Thanks for reading. If I feel like everyone's read this chapter I'll go ahead and post the next and the best way to know you let me read is to review :)

xoxo  
kate

_**The Beginning: Stripper - Sohodolls  
****You Sure: With Me - Sum 41****  
Role Reversal: One Week of Danger - The Virgins  
Sneaking Around: You're A Wolf - Sea Wolf  
Losing Control: Three Wishes - The Pierces  
Losing You: Apologize - One Republic  
My Worst Mistake: Happily Never After - Nicole Swartzenager  
Finding My Way Back: Everytime - Lincoln Hawk  
The Wedding: The Ice Is Getting Thinner - Death Cab For Cutie**_


	59. The Broken Vow

**Sorry guys, I meant to have this up earlier, I was going to post Friday but before I did I noticed some things that I want to change so it took me a couple days to do that. For those of you who aren't a fan of the song fic style I do understand I promise and there's only one more chapter of it after this. After that I don't know that there is another song lyric in the entire thing (maybe the Epilogue which is going to be EPIC by the way). That being said, do enjoy. (Also, there's another poll on my profile)  
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**To my reviewers: **annablake, kitkat0425, The Truth In Fiction, CarolinaGirl21, ana-12, GGfanficfan09, LitPrincess2787, and ggff-fan. **You guys totally rock my socks and I ADORE YOU!**

**Disclaimer: I own a ridiculous number of DVDs but I do not own Gossip Girl. **

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time and I'm liberal with my language usage. **

**Thanks again to miragrace93 for the beta work!**

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Chapter 59: The Broken Vow

_**Monday, May 11, 2009 - Duke Hospital, Durham NC **_

Upon waking up, Chuck's first thought was a question. Where the fuck was he? He looked around the room taking it in. It looked suspiciously like a hotel room but there were monitors beside him. The moment of confusion lasted probably less than a second before he knew exactly where he was but when he did, Chuck couldn't help but think that just for a moment he had woken up with his memory back, just for a moment he had been the real Chuck Bass again. That thought made him laugh. A few weeks ago he had resisted Blair saying that the real Chuck Bass was who he was now, not the guy she claimed he was; right now he wasn't so sure, especially after the way he had felt upon waking up. He missed her.

He shook his head slightly realizing that he had practically had this hospital room converted into a hotel, even the bathroom was high tech and for a moment he thought, what the hell am I still doing here? Almost immediately he reminded himself that he was here because the only real alternative was New York; staying here was his best excuse for not going back there because he could remain here under the pretense of having more tests done. If he left he knew not only would Blair track him down but this time his father would likely play a role as well. So instead of going back home like he probably should, Chuck Bass was being a coward and living in a hospital. If he kept this up much longer, by the time he was done renovating this was going to be the nicest hospital in the world or at least the most luxurious; he'd already had them build a library complete with a computer lab he was thinking a new cafeteria was about to be in order, with chefs. He was tired of having to have his food catered in.

Chuck dressed, resigned to finding somewhere in this hospital more interesting than his room to listen to the iPod today. Knowing that they had just finished with the remodels he had paid for on the library he wandered there, finding a chair in the corner hidden by the stacks. Sitting down he pulled out the iPod and pressed play; hearing his voice once more. Even after a full day of listening to the iPod he couldn't get used to hearing his own voice. _"I wish you weren't crying right now. I wish that I hadn't screwed up so much that you were reduced to tears at this point. I messed us up Blair and as much as we've discussed it and you've tried to take some of the blame, you did NOTHING wrong. It was my fault that you were left alone in France, my fault that you had to turn to Marcus; I pushed you right into the bastard's arms. As you can see from the title we are to my little confession. I should have said it sooner you know. I should have told you what was going on with me. If I had everything could have been different. But I didn't and that can't be changed. So I'm going to quit talking about what I wish had happened and continue on our little journey. So here's Confessions." _As the song started Chuck smiled, he knew this one well. It was one of his favorites to play on the guitar. He was unsurprised to discover that of all songs the one he had chosen to sing to Blair to tell her that he was in love with her was Whatever It Takes. After what he had heard about their story it seemed to fit better than any other might. _**It kills me that I hurt you this way. The worst part is that I didn't even know. Now there's a million reasons for you to go but if you can find a reason to stay I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around. I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down. And if you give me a chance, believe that I can change, I'll keep us together, whatever it takes. **_Abandoning her in France must have killed Blair and he wished he'd known why he'd done it; he knew he was scared he'd surmised that much but what could he have been thinking, putting her through that? Clearly the old him knew that it had hurt her badly if he'd known that she'd be crying when she got to this song. _**You said if we're gonna make this work, you gotta let me inside even though it hurts. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see, you said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be, you gotta love yourself if you can ever love me. **_Those lines made him curious as he began to wonder if Blair had said something of the sort to him. As far as he knew no girl ever had but he had a sneaking suspicion that Blair would. When the song finished and Blair started speaking he realized that it was even more perfect than he had originally thought. _"You sang this to me while we were in the Hamptons on the night you confessed that you loved me. The night before at the pool you had kissed me and told me you weren't giving up, that you were going to do whatever it took to show me that we were meant to be. I turned it around on you I accused you of being the one standing in our way because you wouldn't let me in. This song was your response. We made love afterwards that was the happiest I ever remember being_, _it was only hours later that Marcus gave me the ultimatum." _

Chuck found himself holding back tears of his own at those that had appeared in her voice and thought he was glad when the voice switched to his own again but his own words made him cringe; this wasn't getting happier anytime soon. _"Blair, this next song kills me to sing. I thought that everything was finally right with us when I came home that night to see you and Marcus together. I should have trusted then that you wouldn't do that to me. I was just so damn insecure that I didn't even think before reacting. I'm so sorry for that Blair. What you were going through was awful and I made it so much worse. That night when you came to my room I lashed out, saying things I never wanted to say. Things just went So Wrong, So Fast." _He didn't know the song, Goodbye; he was only slightly familiar with the band Secondhand Serenade. He couldn't understand why these words would ever be part of his story with Blair_**. I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive, cause everything we've been through and everything about you, seems to be a lie a guiltless twisted lie. It made me learn to hate you or hate myself for letting it pass by. All I have to say is goodbye, we're better off this way. **_He didn't want to hear what she said next, didn't want to know what he had done. At the same time he couldn't bring himself to skip her words._ "That night after Marcus blackmailed me into agreeing to marry him he forced me to . . ."_ Chuck winced in pain at Blair's inability to say the word; he understood immediately just what she had been forced to do and it made his gut twist in a way that was extremely uncomfortable. With a sick feeling he remembered that he'd done that to girls in the not so distant past, one almost being Jenny Humphrey. He felt sick as she continued speaking. _"Marcus left the door open and you saw. I wanted to go to you but Marcus wouldn't let me. Later that night I snuck into your room. You were understandably angry and I couldn't tell you the truth. I tried to tell you that I loved you and you told me never to say those words to you again because I didn't mean them."_

Chuck wiped a furious tear from his eye. If someone had seen he would have sworn that his eyes were simply dry but in his heart he knew that it was Blair's words and the reality of what she'd been through to protect him. His gut was still twisting and turning painfully not only at what he'd done to Blair but at the kind of person he'd been when he heard his voice again. _"Serena told me that you were listening to this song while you got ready for the Gala. When she told me, the first thing I thought of was back when we were in middle school and you and I were the only ones who understood the lyrics. I felt them for you at that point. I always thought it would be best if you hated me; were disgusted by me because I was poison for someone as perfect as you. To find out that you used this song to get you through that time really resonated with me. I had a feeling that when you told me I was worthless it was because you wanted me to hate you but I didn't know for sure until Serena spoke to me later. And I wanted to hate you, so much; but I couldn't because as hard as I tried to let go I knew somewhere inside that you would always be a part of me." _Chuck knew the song that he was singing; of course he knew the song. It was his anthem for Blair while growing up even now, it was so much better for her to hate him then have to hurt because of him. It was easier for him if she hated him too because if she hated him there was never a chance of them betraying Nathaniel though it seemed as though that hadn't quite worked out. _**Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you, Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow, Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you. **_The chorus still meant the same as it always did to him; hating made things easier but now the second verse made him think so much more than it used to. _**In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night, while I was busy waging wars on myself you were trying to stop the fight. You never doubted my warped opinions on suicidal hate, you made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take. So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind. **_He couldn't help but wonder if these lines were meant in reference to Blair's eating disorder. Had she told him? Had he helped her with it in some way? But when her voice returned he didn't get his answer. _"This song, these words, were my source of strength when I needed it the most. I pushed you away that night at the gala saying words that I knew would kill you. I wanted you to hate me, I wanted you to just let go of me so that everything would be easier. I told you that you were worthless, that you meant nothing to me, that you weren't good enough, all to make you give up. I didn't mean a word of it and doing it killed me inside." _

Chuck was breathing heavily, it seemed like all he and Blair ever did was hurt one another. When it was him speaking again he realized how true that was; they caused each other such pain. _"Ahh, Revenge. It's supposed to be sweet isn't it? I thought I was getting you back for all the pain you had caused me. At that time I really believed that it had all been an elaborate plan to get back at me for leaving you earlier that summer. I can't believe I ever thought that you were that petty. All I could see was what I wanted to see. I made you out to be the villain in my mind but even that night as I tried to punish you for what I thought you did to me, it was a constant struggle not to let my feelings show"_

'Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off' began to blare through the earbuds and his stomach gave a sudden lurch. These words were awful to sing to someone who was going through what she was going through, yet at the same time he knew that it would have been how he felt at the time, not knowing the truth. _**Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed? When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress? Then I think of what you did and how I hope to God he was worth. When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin. **_As if the first verse wasn't bad enough when she was being raped by the guy he had to continue on with the teasing, angry chorus. _**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me. Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of exchanging body heat in the passenger seat? No, no, no you know it will always just be me. **_The song made him feel physically sick to the point that he had to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on his face. He jerked the iPod out of his ears and laid it on the edge of the sink, leaving his hands free to grip the sink as he stared down at the water. This was harder than he had ever imagined was possible. How had the two of them survived such a tumultuous relationship? He asked his reflection, as he looked up. A dark laughter overcame him as he realized that he had an answer for his question. They didn't survive this, at least not intact. He'd tried to kill himself and now had no memory of the relationship at all. Really it was quite ironic.

Taking a deep breath he looked down at the iPod contemplating throwing it into the toilette behind him and being done with all of it. But he couldn't be done with it all, not now not ever; the way he was feeling right now was proof of that. These feelings were going to haunt him for as long as he lived. Taking a shaky breath he looked into the eyes in the mirror, the eyes that he didn't quite recognize. He had been looking at this same reflection his whole life but something looked different. The eyes that stared back at him now had seen more than he'd realized before today. He no longer knew himself; he had these feelings that he wasn't used to. He wasn't Chuck Bass anymore, rather a love drunk perversion of himself, or perhaps love hungover. In which case this was one hangover he had no cure for. Slowly he reached down and picked up the iPod placed in front of him, he didn't have another choice, he couldn't stop listening. Carefully he placed the earbuds back into his ears and walked this time to his room.

Blair's voice was in his ears again before he realized he had pressed play. _"Quit blaming yourself." _Chuck found himself chuckling darkly, apparently Blair knew himself better than he did if she knew what his reaction to the last song was. "_Public embarrassment was nothing in the grand scheme of things besides if you hadn't pulled me onto the dance floor and played this song, virtually exposing our prior affair to everyone, Serena wouldn't have tracked you down and told you to go after me and figure out the truth which you of course did."_ Chuck's own words followed and he breathed deeply, preparing himself for whatever came next.

_"I hate to think where we would be today if Serena had never told me what she knew. Maybe we would be in the exact same place we are now, or maybe we would be in this place only without the knowledge that we weren't trying to destroy each other. Sure it would have been easier that way but at the same time we wouldn't have all of the memories of the past couple of months. They would be replaced by memories of plotting and destruction; so I could never wish not to know. But Blair when I walked up to that door and saw the way that Marcus was treating you, I had to restrain myself from killing him. I wanted to, more than anything at that moment. I wanted to rip him limb from limb. But I knew at that moment that you needed me more than I needed to kill Marcus. So I went to you and you told me that you were doing all this for me. I still think that you were wrong to do that Blair, so very wrong. I'm not worth it. That night burns into my memory though. I had missed your taste so much, I had missed you."_

Chuck resisted the urge to agree with himself, resisted the urge to acknowledge that he wasn't worth it, that he didn't deserve Blair's love. Instead he closed his eyes and listened to another song by Secondhand Serenade. _**Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again, don't make me change my mind or I won't live to see another day I swear it's true, because a girl like you is impossible to find. **_The realization that what Blair had done, likely had made him fall for her all over again made him feel as though he was falling again, right now. He was right, a girl like Blair was impossible to find, there was no one that came close to measuring up. There was further truth in the words, as there had been with almost each of the songs. _**This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed but I have loved you from the start. **_He had failed her for not stopping Marcus, for not realizing what was going on behind his back. He was supposed to know her better than anyone but he hadn't seen what was hiding beneath the surface. This time he longed for her words as he knew that she would be once more reassuring him that she didn't hate him for what he'd done and when she spoke he found himself sighing in relief. _"You were worth it Chuck and you still are or I wouldn't still be fighting for us. And you didn't fail me Chuck. I know you think you did, but you didn't. I didn't want you to find out and as well as you know me, I know you just as well. I knew just what to do to keep you at arms length and ensure that you didn't find out what was going on." _

Chuck's next words came almost immediately and he was glad to find it wasn't more of him messing up. _**"**__I almost didn't add this song on here but I decided that it was indeed a part of our story. We were so frustrated at this point because we knew that we were giving up a chance at being together more to protect Nate. It was an intense fiery culmination of our feelings and in the end I just couldn't leave it out." _As he listened to All Around Me he couldn't help but notice that desire was the predominant emotion, not frustration. _**My hands are searching for you, my arms are outstretched towards you. I feel you on my fingertips, my tongue dances behind my lips for you. The fire rising through my being burning, I'm not used to seeing you. I'm alive. **_The way both he and the lyrics described the sexual intensity made him want her quite a bit more than he should for someone who wasn't supposed to care. He felt a trembling throughout his body as he continued to listen. _**I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing, holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing. **_It was almost too much for him to take as he found himself squirming on the bed uncomfortably. Once more he was glad when the song ended as it was causing too many emotions to rush throughout him. _"I think you're probably confused about your own words here as I didn't really mention the whole thing with Nate before." _Blair's words caused Chuck to realize for the first time that he really hadn't known what he was talking about at the beginning of the song; he'd simply gotten too caught up in the sexual energy of the song to think about it. Now he listened intently as Blair continued. _"Nate had a little bit of a personality crisis last fall. Serena, who he'd been dating, ditched him for Dan and he slept with Jenny, who was really messed up about it afterwards. Nate continued down a really bad path, sleeping with every girl he could. He slept with Penelope behind the school and someone tipped off gossip girl about it but she didn't know it was Nate. Gossip girl held a competition to see who could figure out who the guy was; the prize was immunity." _Chuck inhaled sharply; gossip girl never did things like that. _"For us, immunity would have been the perfect solution. Marcus was off at Yale but we still had to sneak around because we didn't want it to get back to him over gossip girl. We figured out that it was Nate and we just couldn't do it to him. That's when this happened. However, earlier that day, we'd saved Jenny from a forceful Nate. She'd been video tapping a project and had an entire conversation between the two of them on tape, including a confession about Penelope. She turned it in to gossip girl for us; making gossip girl promise not to print anything about our relationship."_

Chuck couldn't help but be surprised about Jenny's gift to them. He didn't realize that she cared about them but it was evident that somewhere during last fall, Blair and Jenny had formed some sort of bond if Jenny was willing to give up gossip girl immunity for them. He eagerly went on to the next song as he was becoming completely, wrapped up in the story of Chuck and Blair. _"It took me a lot longer than I would have liked to figure the whole relationship thing out. I wanted for it to be simple and easy, I just wanted to love you and let that be enough. You had to teach me so much. Like for instance, you had to teach me that you weren't perfect, even though I stand by the fact that regardless of whether or not you are perfect, you are perfect for me. BUT as you so clearly stated the night that you introduced me to this song, you aren't an angel." _As he listened to Halo he couldn't help but shake his head upon learning that he had apparently learned quite a bit about how to be a good boyfriend. Some of his modified lyrics particularly spoke to him as he felt that they truly showed that he knew Blair and accepted her for who she was. _**You always said that you would make mistakes, you're only human and that's your saving grace. You fall as hard as you try so I won't be blinded. I see you as you really are, you have flaws and sometimes you even sin. So I'll pull you from that pedestal, you don't belong there. **_Her next words however serious they were, made him laugh near the end. _"The night Nate was exposed to gossip girl, he texted me and asked me to come see him. I lied to you about where I was going because I didn't want you to worry. Nate kissed me and told me that he wanted me back, needed me back and while I agreed to be there for him I refused his advances. You showed up around that time, apparently you'd known where I'd gone all along but wanted me to know that I could trust you not to overreact. You did punch Nate but that was really overreacting at that point. I took you to Nate's living room and played you this song, telling you that I had messed up by lying to you and that you should be mad at me for what I'd done. You still weren't mad because you said that I didn't have any reason to trust you. After that you resolved to try harder not to place me on a pedestal and told me about what Jenny had done for us (she'd come by the apartment and told you while I was gone). We got a little carried away and almost christened Nate's living room." _That's where Chuck laughed aloud because the thought that he and Blair were so caught up in each other's bodies that they almost partook in sexual activities in that stuffy room of antiques was beyond hilarious.

As Blair continued to speak he became even more wrapped up in their past. _"This doesn't really have anything to do with the song Halo but I wanted to fill you in on some stuff before the next song. Serena came with you to Nate's that night and apparently they had words. The next day, she told gossip girl that Nate's family was broke because his father had been involved in an embezzlement scam the year before then run off and the police had taken everything. You had known, I hadn't. I called a meeting of those I considered important at the steps including the NJBC as well as Jenny and Dan (Nate was quite smitten with Jenny at this point and Dan and Serena were going strong). We became a team to support Nate." _Chuck was shaking his head in wonder at the thought that not only had he worked with Jenny and Dan but that Serena would do something like this to Nate. _"Apparently Serena was feeling jealous. She thought she'd lost my friendship and lost Nate's adoration so she was trying to get the gang back together by hurting our reputations so we'd have to come together to fix things. We later discovered she'd posted stuff about us too. Dan figured things out and told Serena to tell us, when she didn't he went to gossip girl. It was a month after that before we fixed things with S." _Chuck continued to shake his head in shock as the next intro began.

His heart began to pound loudly in his chest with worry at his own words. _"Blair, when I got a phone call from you the night that Marcus came back I was more scared than I think I've ever been in my entire life. Your voice on the phone was terrifying. I didn't tell you this then but I actually ran about eight blocks to get to your apartment that night and if it wasn't for Mr. Jamison, the bellhop, I probably would have had some kind of aneurism because I couldn't get upstairs to you. I was so relieved when I reached you and you were okay, so relieved. I have a favor to ask you Blair. Try, for me, not to make yourself sick because I can't be there to take care of you and I can't live knowing that you are hurting yourself. I love you too much."_ So sometime she had come clean and told him about her disorder, he'd likely been right before about him already knowing when she used the song Hate Me to help her get through. For a moment he wondered when she had actually told him but he pushed the thought from his mind as Beautiful Disaster played, it didn't matter when she'd told him only that she had trusted him enough to tell him. And the music, the music was heartbreaking to think that Blair felt this way about herself. _**She swears that there's no difference, between the lies and compliments. It's all the same if everybody leaves her. And every magazine tells her she's not good enough. The pictures that she sees make her cry. **_Blair was the single most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, that she could think of herself as anything less than perfect astounded him, it always had. _**She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant. Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long, assuming that she'll get it wrong. Perfect only in her imperfection. She's not a drama queen, she doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but so tired**_. That was Blair though to a T. She was always trying to put up this perfect indifferent image so that everyone was pleased with her and no one ever realized how much she hurt on the inside. But he'd known, he'd always known, even if he'd never said anything_**. She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between a beautiful disaster but she just needs someone to take her home. **_Blair's voice entered his conscious as the music stopped and he couldn't help but think that for once he had done something right. _"I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up that night. I had purged of course but I was so out of it, I don't even know how I managed to call you. Your words that night are the ones that I play in my head every time I want to purge. I force myself to look into a mirror and tell myself that I'm beautiful and that you love me and it's good enough." _

From there Chuck settled in listening to some happier memories; laughing as he learned that Blair sang in the shower, laughing harder as he realized that he had been caught listening to her in the shower. He found it interesting that he had used such to predict her mood every morning. And that her favorite song was one called Breakfast at Tiffany's was only too fitting. The record studio was a surprise to him as he was unaware that his father owned one but it made sense. Taking her to the record studio and having her sing though was something that he would have done anyway if he had known that she sang. His favorite times that he could remember with Blair were the ones that were just the two of them, like the morning he showed her Victrola, or the day they were scheming to bring down Serena. Being with her had always made him a happier version of himself.

But the happy memories couldn't last forever as Chuck knew that eventually the wedding would be there._"So, this next song will always remind me of those few frantic weeks before the wedding. They seemed to be flying by. In our whole relationship we never seemed to have enough time. I hope you know how hard I tried during this time. All I wanted was to find something to stop that wedding from happening." _ He listened intently to Over My Head by the Fray and couldn't help but wonder if there was more he could have done? How could he have lost her again. _**And everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my head. With eight seconds left in overtime, she's on your mind, she's on your mind. **_As he listened on Chuck couldn't help but hold onto hope that he had done something to stop the wedding; swept in like some kind of white night on his gallant steed and saved the day, saved Blair. But he was being foolish; he had already read the end of this story, he was living it. So of course he knew that he hadn't saved her. _"Chuck we did everything we could. YOU did everything you could. Don't beat yourself up over any of this because there's nothing we can do now to change any of it and there was nothing more we could have done then." _

Chuck shook his head, not accepting that they had done everything, thinking that there had to have been something even then that they could have done but he pushed it from his mind as he listened to his next words. _"I promised you, the night before your wedding that I would always remember you and I will Blair. I tried my best to meet your every want and need that night and I hope that I succeeded because what I wanted more than anything was to give you a night that you could keep."_ Chuck couldn't help but scoff because he couldn't remember her, or what they'd meant at all_**. I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by weep not for the memories. **_The entire song felt so ironic because even after making it this far through the iPod he still had no memory of the events. _**Remember the good times that we had? I let them slip away from us when things got bad. **_And that line was true, regardless of his lack of memory, he knew from the iPod that he had let their good memories slip away on more than one occasion. And then there was the second verse which summarized perfectly the position that they had been trapped in. _**I'm so tired but I can't sleep, standing on the edge of something much too deep. It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word. We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard. **_They had been dealing with things that no seventeen year olds should have been dealing with and they had had no way out. As the song came to an end, the third verse gave him a strange kind of hope that he'd given her everything she wanted that night as she prepared to sacrifice herself for him. _**I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose; clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose. Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night, you gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light. **_Or if those lines were meant about him he could discern that they were the truth as well because he had been scared to love her, God he was _still _afraid to love her, but he could feel the fear of losing her too, it was what kept him listening to this iPod. And she had changed him, taking him from that awful place he was in, the place he still remembered being in, to this guy who was so happy and in love, the guy he didn't remember. Her words to him were once more a comfort but suddenly became something else entirely. _"You'll remember one day Chuck, I know you will because I know you. The doctor asked me not to say anything but he told me that the thing that was blocking your memories was you. You were hurting so badly when the car crash happened because of us, the memories of us were destroying you so when you suffered minimal brain damage in the car crash, your brain needed to heal and to do that it couldn't handle dealing with the other things hurting you, so it got rid of the memories of us. As awful as it sounds, the doctor said that this means that you can remember, you have the ability you just have to really be ready for it, you have to really want it."_

Chuck was dazed as he reached I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, so much so that he almost didn't find it funny that he had gotten up in front of a crowd of people to sing at Blair's wedding, almost. That must have been quite a scene, one Marcus likely wasn't too happy about. _"What was I thinking getting on stage today? It was probably a bad idea from the start; but I suppose I just wanted to feel a part of your wedding and give you something else because I could never give you as much as you deserve." _As he listened to the song, Blair's words from before kept slipping back into his head instead of the lyrics to the song he already knew so well. How was that possible, that he'd been the reason he couldn't remember. That entire theory had to be ludicrous because he wanted to remember, didn't he? For a girl that he felt the lyrics of this song for, he had to want to remember. _**I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, cause I'd miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing. Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing. **_He was missing things with Blair right now because he couldn't remember, he had to want to remember, he just had to. _"Don't beat yourself up about not remembering Chuck. You'll remember when you can. As for singing at my wedding, it was a great gift that you gave me; one that meant more than I could explain to you with words." _

It appeared as though he had carefully selected each song he sang for Blair at the wedding, all of them seemed to be connected to what they were going through and what they meant, he thought as When the Stars Go Blue's intro began. _"I hope that this song is in the right spot. It's the recording that we made that day at the record studio; but if things went as planned, we sang it together this afternoon at your wedding reception. I hope it was the latter." _ Chuck wasn't familiar with the song but the entire duet felt right to him, it felt perfect. _**Where do you go when you're lonely, where do you go when you're blue, where do you go when you're lonely. I'll follow you.**_ He had a feeling that the old Chuck, the one that remembered everything, would have followed Blair across the world if he could. _"Thank you Chuck, for making me get up on that stage and sing with you. I never realized how much I loved singing until then and singing with you, is one of the moments I felt the closest to you." _

Chuck couldn't have turned off the iPod now if he had tried. Especially now that he was equipped with the knowledge that he was the only one who could help himself remember, he knew he had to keep going. _"I want you to know Blair that in all of these songs I chose for your wedding, I mean every single word. Like this next one, no matter what happens, how far away from me you are you will always be a part of me. I couldn't stop you from getting married but I know you and I know that you will never forget what we've had together." _ The words of the song made Chuck smirk slightly because he saw things in them that he couldn't have known of when he chose songs for Blair's wedding. _**You'll always be a part of me, I'm part of you indefinitely. Girl don't you know you can't escape me ohh darling, cause you'll always be my baby. And we'll linger on, time can't erase a feeling this strong. No way you're ever gonna shake me ohh darling cause you'll always be my baby. **_He might have professed it to Blair then but he knew now that she was really and truly inescapable and that there was a part of him that belonged to her or else he wouldn't still be listening to this iPod or entertaining thoughts that she was where he was supposed to be. _"I hope I still have a part of you because damn it Chuck you have my whole heart, not just a part and it's really difficult functioning without my heart."_ Blair's words made him tremble. The thought that the Blair Waldorf had chosen him to give her whole heart to was something inconceivable to him in so many ways yet now he had no other choice to believe it, just as he had to believe that she had a part of him.

_"Blair this song always reminded me of us because anytime that we are together I feel like we are all that matters. Time freezes and it's just us and I can't ever stop looking at you."_ As You and Me, an old Lifehouse song, began to play Chuck realized that he had always thought about this song in reference to Blair, even before the accident. _**All of the things that I want to say, just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning, I don't know where to go from here. **_Pretty much summed up how he always acted around her. Something about her always had him stumbling around and acting in ways he wouldn't have acted with anyone else. For a long time when they were children she probably had thought that he wasn't nearly as intelligent as he was because he was always tripping up around her. _**Something about you now I can't quite figure out. Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right. **_ She'd always knocked him off of his game though he never could identify why, which the song also addressed. There was a level of perfection to Blair Waldorf that he had always believed to be unattainable, unachievable. _**I don't know why but I can't keep my eyes off of you. **_There was a spark that always had him gazing at her and he'd never known why. It was clear just why he'd chosen this particular song to sing to her as for him it represented the way he'd always felt about her. As the song closed, he looked forward to hearing what Blair had to say about it since he suspected that she wasn't aware of the likely reason that Chuck selected this particular Lifehouse song. _"This was the fifth song you sang at my wedding and the last one that was appropriate for the occasion as you'll soon see and this song means as much to me as any of the others because as you said yourself when we're together it really is just us, no one else matters." _

The previous wedding songs already had Chuck in a somber mood when he learned just what Blair was meaning about the next song not being appropriate for a wedding as Goodbye My Lover came up. _"I don't know what to say as an intro to this song Blair. I think the lyrics pretty much say it all." _Chuck had already had a weak hold on his emotions before the song started but as he listened to the lyrics he lost any illusion of control he had as the tears began to cloud his eyes as he felt emotions that he had always believed were not meant for him.

_**Did I disappoint you or let you down?****  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won**_

_**So I took what's mine by eternal right  
Took your soul out into the night  
It may be over but it won't stop there  
I am here for you if you'd only care**_

Chuck could hear the pain in his voice, the pain in every word. He meant what he had sung and it made him feel these things that he didn't know how to feel. Had he disappointing Blair? God knows he had let her down in so many ways. He was certain that he had blamed himself for all of this, as well he should; he had a unique knack for screwing things up. His pursuit of her was so like this, this song could have been written by the Chuck who had all of these memories, it was that true.

_**You touched my heart you touched my soul  
You changed my life and all my goals****  
And love is blind and that I knew when****  
My heart was blinded by you**_

_**I've kissed your lips and held your head****  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed  
I know you well, I know your smell  
I've been addicted to you**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

The words of the song were killing him. Even without actually remembering any of their relationship, he knew that Blair had changed him irreparably. He couldn't be the old Chuck Bass even if he tried. He wasn't the same person, not anymore. Blair had made him different, made him better he assumed. Even if he never remembered anything he couldn't go back to who he was. His heart seemed to know how he felt about her, even if his mind didn't. He was also fairly certain that his heart would know Blair's scent anywhere, if only his mind could recall it.

_**I am a dreamer and when I wake  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take  
And as you move on, remember me  
Remember us and all we used to be**_

_**I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile  
I've watched you sleeping for a while  
I'd be the father of your child  
I'd spend a lifetime with you**_

_**I know your fears and you know mine  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine  
And I love you, I swear that's true  
I cannot live without you**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

It was almost ironic that in the song he was telling her to remember him, it should have been the other way around it seems. With his heart clearly telling him that it belonged not to him but to someone else, if he could remember what they used to be he had a feeling that nothing would keep Chuck Bass from Blair Waldorf. The engagement ring was proof that he was more than willing to spend his life with her,

_**And I still hold your hand in mine  
In mine when I'm asleep  
And I will bear my soul in time  
When I'm kneeling at your feet**_

_**Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me**_

_**I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow  
I'm so hollow, baby  
I'm so hollow  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.**_

Chuck was breathing heavily as the song neared its' conclusion, he didn't feel hollow right now, he felt full of an emotion he refused to label. How could he feel this way without any memories to guide him? It wasn't possible, was it? Could she really have this hold on him when he didn't even remember lov- caring about her? Chuck would have remained lost in thought if Blair's voice hadn't brought him back to reality. _"This song applies more to me right now than it does to you. I need you Chuck, I need you to remember." _He heard her voice break and winced in pain. It was as though his heart was being torn in two.

It surprised him that she didn't say more and that it was once more his own voice talking. _"This song isn't one you probably know, it's on here because it's the truth. I've done some stupid things in our relationship Blair and I'm sorry. Know that this is all true and that this song is my promise to you." _There were big promises made in the chorus of this song _**I'd come for you, no one but you, yes I'd come for you but only if you told me to. And I'd fight for you, I'd lie it's true, give my life for you, you know I'd always come for you. **_And there were words with an even grander meaning in the verses. _**I finally know just what it means to let someone in, to see the side of me that no one does or ever will. **_Letting someone in was a big deal to him, a really big deal because he'd never done that before. One more set of lines seemed to worm their way into his brain before the song finished, _**If you're ever lost and find yourself all alone, I'd search forever just to bring you home. Here and now this I vow. **_He had the distinct feeling that it was Blair who had ended up honoring this last promise instead of him as she was the one who had to track him down instead of the other way around. Eventually Chuck heard the words of the Nickelback song fade into his own voice again. _"Blair, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you so I need you to remember that. Remember that no matter what happens as long as you call me, I'll be there, I promise. I wanted you to have this, to be able to listen to it, whenever you want, so that you will never forget that I love you, always have, always will."_

The first thought that came to mind was that he'd broken his promise to her. She had come to him and asked him to be there for her and he hadn't; but he hadn't even known about the promise so did he really break it? But now he did know about the promise and Chuck Bass always kept his word. But where did that leave him? One thing was for certain, he needed to get his memory back. The Chuck Bass that made this playlist seemed to know exactly how to handle the kind of emotions he was feeling, he on the other hand did not. Looking around the room he was surprised to discover that it was once more night. He needed to figure out what he was going to do next, what his next step was, as well as listen to the remainder of the playlist; which it appeared was going to have to wait until tomorrow.

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**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed, songlist is as always included. Thanks for reading!**

**Reviews are always appreciated!**

**XOXO  
kate**

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**Confessions: Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse  
So Wrong, So Fast: Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade  
I Could Never Hate You: Hate Me - Blue October  
Revenge: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - PANIC! At the Disco  
The Truth: Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade  
Loving You: All Around You - Flyleaf  
Still Learning: Halo - Bethany Joy Galeotti  
You Are Beautiful: Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin  
Singing in the Shower: Love Story - Taylor Swift  
Getting Caught :) :Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something  
And She Sings: Breathless - The Corrs  
Time Passed Too Fast: Over My Head - The Fray  
Always Remember: I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan  
The Wedding Singer: I Don't Want to Miss A Thing - Areosmith  
Sing With Me: When the Stars Go Blue - Bethany Joy Galeotti and Tyler Hilton  
Part of Me: Always Be My Baby - David Cook  
Just Us: You and Me - Lifehouse  
You Have Been the One: Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt  
My Promise: I'd Come For You - Nickelback**


	60. Finding Home

**So yay! Next chapter within the same week **** Here's the last chapter based off the iPod and there's plenty of accompanying stuff not connected to the songs. As I said before, new poll on my profile that you should all check out! **

**To my reviewers: **annablake, ana-12, LitPrincess2787, ggff-fan, GGfanficfan09, freaky-chick-108, and CarolinaGirl21. **I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I have a hard back copy of every released Harry Potter book, but I do not own Gossip Girl. **

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time and I'm liberal with my language usage. **

**Thanks again to miragrace93 for the beta work!**

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009 - Duke Hospital, Durham NC**_

As Chuck woke up, he found his neck was stiff. He was so tired of being cramped up in this hospital room. Chuck Bass wasn't meant to be contained. He toyed with the cell phone placed amongst some of his things on the bedside table. The cell phone was filled with contacts; Nate, Eric, Blair, Serena, Lily, his father, his lawyer, and several PIs. It was something his lawyer had dropped off immediately after he had discovered he was Chuck Bass but he had a feeling that the cell phone was Blair's doing; honestly it was a good thing that he'd had his lawyer's number memorized before the accident, he'd had to use it as his one phone call enough that it shouldn't be a surprise. There was only one other number he had memorized and this was one that wasn't located in the phone; Andrew Tyler, the single best PI in the continental US maybe the world. If there was something to be found, Tyler found it. Chuck had Andrew Tyler on permanent retainer and had called him immediately after Blair's first visit, ordering him to tail Blair without really knowing why. Now he knew. There was an ache deep in his gut that needed to be close to her, needed to be connected. That's why Chuck dialed Tyler's number and relaxed against the bed frame. After one ring, Tyler answered. "Is she still in North Carolina?" He asked, bypassing any greetings and cutting straight to business.

"No, she left yesterday afternoon." Tyler responded, momentarily worried about what Chuck's reaction might be. The young man was volatile on his best days and when it came to Blair Waldorf, Chuck Bass was damn near insane whether he remembered it or not. Chuck had hired him to tail Blair a few weeks back and it had been a surprisingly boring job, especially since this was the first time Chuck had called for an update other than one call a few days after the original order was placed.

Chuck nodded slightly; he hadn't expected her to still be in town. "What did she do before she left?" Chuck asked curious of what Blair had done all of Sunday and Monday if she only left Monday night.

Tyler withheld a sigh of relief, for once Chuck didn't seem angry. "She checked in at the Franklin Hotel before coming to the hospital to see you. After which she came back to Chapel Hill, ate lunch at the hotel restaurant before wandering around the college campus. She was back in her room before dinner and slept late the next day. Monday afternoon she went to the Carolina Coffee Shop, the same cafe she frequented on her previous visit, before going to the airport. She had a car waiting at LaGuardia when she got here and went straight home emerging today to have brunch at Gemma down in the Bowery. Right now she's feeding the ducks in Central Park."

Chuck narrowed his eyes slightly realizing that not once had Tyler mentioned that Blair had any company. "Has she spent any time with Serena or Nate?" Chuck asked knowing that those would be the people Blair would go to first; after all the four of them together compiled the Non-Judging Breakfast Club. Although, even as he said it he remembered from Blair's comments on the iPod that things had changed quite a bit. Jenny was a bigger part of her life now than Serena was, so he added a few other names to his original list. "Or Jenny, Dan, and Eric?"

"No, she doesn't talk to anyone. She's always alone." Tyler's response was direct and this time he knew that Chuck was going to react.

But Chuck surprised him. "Okay, that's all." He said before hanging up. It bothered him that Blair was spending so much time by herself; that wasn't good for her, she needed her friends. His mind made up about what he was going to do today; Chuck showered and put on a pair of actual clothes. As he pulled on a pair of khakis and a button down he couldn't help but think that he never dressed down this much; however a man wandering around Durham and Chapel Hill in a purple suit might attract a little too much attention. Chuck called a cab to the hospital before pocketing his cell phone, his wallet, and the iPod. Checking the hallway quickly and seeing that the coast was clear Chuck strode confidently out of the room, walking straight to the stairs. He needed to get off this floor quickly before someone recognized him. After all, he was still officially a patient of the hospital; therefore he shouldn't simply walk out. But he was Chuck Bass, which meant he didn't care.

Getting in the cab he gave the driver his destination, The Franklin Hotel, and placed his iPod earphones in, hearing his own voice once more. _"Hey there. I know I told you how much I missed you in the letter but this song says it better. It was hard being back in the studio without you. I know I said this in my letter too Blair, but I thought you might like to hear it from me. I love you."_ For a moment he had to remind himself that this was to Blair because it was weird hearing himself say those words. The song playing wasn't one he knew, he assumed then that Come On Get Higher was recorded after November of 2007. It wasn't necessarily the type of music he would normally listened to but the beats felt right to him and the lyrics expressed the art of missing someone in a way that he had never once experienced, not even for his mother_**. I miss the sound of your voice, I miss the rush of your skin, and I miss the still of your silence as you breathe out and I breathe in. **_He didn't know that it was even possible to articulate that kind of absence, that kind of ache. Additionally, his affinity to the song was added in that it was rather sexual and he'd begun to think of Blair in a much dirtier way than he'd ever allowed himself before.

As the song closed he smiled because he knew that he was about to hear Blair's voice and he had discovered that the simple sound of her voice did things to him that the touch of another woman couldn't dream of doing. _"Hey there yourself. If you remember, I told you that we were exchanging letters back and forth across the ocean, using Jenny so that we had a seemingly unrecognizable address to send to and from. Near Christmas you sent me a jumpdrive with this iTunes on it with a letter and you'd added this song to it to articulate the way you missed me. This song is especially special to me because it's not just what you sent to me, it's what you were playing when I arrived at my father's house and you surprised me there. That was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I convinced Marcus to let me visit my dads for Christmas and they had tipped you off and you had shown up. I had missed you so badly and then you were there and we were in love and everything was perfect. And on the topic of missing you, to quote one of my favorite movies. 'I think I'd miss you even if we never met' because I have to think that I would always feel the empty ache inside me that only you have ever been able to fill. So I guess I'm just hoping you miss me too."_ Chuck couldn't deny that he knew the ache that Blair was referencing. It was deep down in the very recesses of his being and if he allowed himself to pay heed to it, it was capable of causing indescribable pain and loneliness. It was the feeling that he drank to assuage since the time he was thirteen and he had the feeling that for Blair it was what drove her to her sickness.

Ready to forget his thoughts of the lingering ache that Blair claimed that he filled for her and she for him, Chuck was more than happy when the next bit of dialogue began; however he was expecting to hear his own voice again, leaving Chuck surprised that the voice was Blair's once more. _"This is a song I've added into the mix. I recorded it last week. It's called Bette Davis Eyes and I've titled it Waking Up With You because this is the song that was playing on the radio when the alarm went off our first morning together in France. It sent me running to your room to wake you up, which I did in my own unique way; something my dad happened to walk in on. It's a special memory to me, so enjoy." _Chuck could hear the smile in her voice and as the song played he knew that there must be a smile on his face as well. She had the most beautiful voice, it sent tingles up his spine and her threats in the song of what she was capable of had his mind thinking of her sexually all over again. _**She'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you. She's precocious and she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush. **_He of course considered himself a pro and this song most definitely insinuated that Blair was just as good at the game of sexual escapades as he was. Lines such as _**She'll take a tumble on you, roll you like you were dice until you come out blue **_even led him to believe that she might be even better at the games than he was and he was the master; yet he knew that if any girl could leave him blue it would be Blair Waldorf. The entire song had his body in state of arousal and he was forced to shift to hide the tent forming in his pants from the cabbie.

With nothing more to add to what she said before, Blair didn't speak again at the end of the song; instead it was Chuck introducing yet another one of his. _"This song represents the single happiest moment of my existence. It's the song I was playing when I proposed to you and you said yes. You are my life Blair, I hope you know that. There's no other woman I would ever even consider monogamy for much less marry but with you I picture that future, the white dress, the big church, all of it. I love you, God I love you." _Chuck was shaking as the song began, him singing yet another song by Matt Nathanson, this one entitled Wedding Dress. His own words had his insides so twisted that he wasn't certain what to do. This wasn't a game, this wasn't a lie, this was real. There was a very real part of him that believed that Blair Waldorf was everything; he just wasn't sure where that part was. When the song finished Blair had another recap of sorts at the end. _"I hesitated. When you asked me to marry you I hesitated because I didn't think it was possible, I thought we were in an inescapable situation. You convinced me otherwise and now it's my turn to convince you Chuck. We can get through this. Our love is strong enough to survive anything, even this. You said to me that night when you proposed that the knowledge that I would have chosen you was enough and you gave me the chain to wear the ring around my neck until the time came to put it on my finger. You wanted me to wear it that night but right then I made you a promise that I've likely already repeated to you. I promised that once that ring was on my finger I was never going to take it off. I told you that when you saw that ring on my finger you would know that it was time. The ring's on my finger Chuck. And for the record, you and this baby are my life too." _

Chuck had to pause the iPod momentarily to pay the cab driver and get out, which he thought was probably a good thing. He was having quite the physiological reaction to Blair's words. He was breathing heavily, his hands were trembling and his heart was pounding furiously. A break of some sort was necessary. He looked up at the Franklin Hotel observing it for the first time; it was no Palace but he supposed that it was adequate for this . . . town. He thought deciding that town was the best word to use to describe Chapel Hill. Looking right he saw that the street entered what appeared to be a progressively rough part of town, looking left he saw what appeared to be the start of a college campus. He began walking in the latter direction, doing his best not to turn up his nose in the small town; though not quite understanding what exactly Blair saw in the place. Soon enough it was clear that he had entered the main street area of the campus as the street was filled with restaurants and bars, behind which was the college campus. He passed the Carolina Coffee Shop making a mental note to come back later in the day but continuing on as he thought he had finally seen what it was that Blair loved so much. Chuck had approached what appeared to be some kind of large grassy area with beautiful blooming trees and delicious architecture. He knew better than anyone how much Blair appreciated this sort of thing, add that to the solitude of the small town and this would be the ideal location for Blair to escape away from the crowding of their family and friends and the bustle of the city.

Walking over to a bench Chuck took a seat, unable to stop himself from wondering if Blair had sat here herself during the time she had stayed in town after her first visit. Relaxing with the knowledge that he felt close to her he mustered a bit of courage and pressed play again. _"I failed you, again. I should never have had to record this song because we should be together by now. If I had been faster, if I hadn't been upstairs when the phone rang and you hadn't had to look for me; we could have made it. We could have run away from everything and escaped Marcus's clutches. I would have run with you forever if that's what it took. You are all I need." _Once more Chuck was intimidated by the sheer emotional baggage that lay in his words. They were so heavy, they meant so much. And it wasn't only his words, it was the lyrics. _**I'll stay with you, the walls will fall before we do. So take my hand now we'll run forever, I can feel the storm inside you, I'll stay with you. **_The words were laden with promises that he didn't imagine he would ever make. He had told her that he would never abandon her, never want to leave her_**. Now come in from this storm and I taste you sweet and warm. Take what you need, take what you need from me**_. He offered her himself in a way that appeared unconditional and he knew by now that he'd meant every word he sung. And as the song concluded he realized that they meant just as much to Blair. _"So that was Stay With Me by the Goo Goo Dolls. It was playing at a party my dad's were hosting for New Years when Jenny called to tell us Marcus was coming. We'd spent a full week together in blissful happiness and you had suggested more than once that we run. I had considered it but I thought that I still had plenty of time to decide. Then suddenly it had come crashing down around us when Marcus decided to bring all of my friends from home to France to surprise me for New Year's. It's unbelievable just how much the song worked for us in that moment. Looking back it's probably the words that made me think that running was the right thing to do. I still remember what you said to me to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. You said 'We'll run forever if we have to. He's not going to find us Blair; I swear to you.' If we had gotten away then, everything could have been perfect but he got there before we made our escape because I insisted on you driving me to our guest house on the vineyard where we'd been staying because I'd left my ring. I know it was stupid of me but I still can't bring myself to regret it, especially now when we have this chance again. I can sense that storm inside of you just like you could sense the one inside of me and I know that together we can work through this."_

Chuck found himself wishing to God that they had made it out without being caught. If that had happened, if they had been successful, he would have his memory and everything would be okay right now because they would be together. Chuck was coming to find that being with Blair might be the most essential thing about his existence. Thoughts of her haunted him and right now when he felt close to her was the only time he'd felt at peace in weeks. _"I don't know if you remember this song or not. I sang it to you when we were in bed together in the guest house the night that you were so scared. It was right after you had asked me to come to London with you. I don't know why your question ever made me hesitate; I would do anything for you. This is a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me when I was a baby when I was upset. I hope that it soothes you as well." _Chuck recognized the song immediately and felt instantly calmer. The storm of worry inside him that had just been raging seemed to have slowed to a near standstill as the words and memories he had of them eased his mind. _**Hush now baby don't you cry, rest your wings my butterfly, peace will come to you in time and I will sing this lullaby. Know though I must leave, my child, that I would stay here by your side and if you wake before I'm gone remember this sweet lullaby. And all love through darkness, don't you ever stop believing. With love alone, with love you'll find your way my love. The world has turned the day to dark, I leave this night with heavy heart, when I return to dry your eyes, I will sing this lullaby**_. Even as the song soothed him he recognized lines that made him uncomfortable and couldn't help but wonder if this had been a message to him from his mother. Did she truly believe that love was the only way to find his way? Because he didn't know love, he had no memory of experiencing that feeling and if that was the only way to find his way he might be lost for good. Once more Blair spoke at the end of the song but he was surprised to find that it was not what he had been expecting. She made no comment on the song itself, instead she spoke of something different.

_"That was the last time you updated the iPod, so the rest was left up to me. This next song that I've recorded is one I doubt you'll recognize as it's fairly new even now. It's one by the Fray called Never Say Never. I know at the last song you mentioned that I had asked you to come to London to be with me. It's the single most selfish request I'd ever made. I wanted you to give up your life to try to see me maybe once a week and I made it in a moment of weakness. Forgive me. Yet even though you agreed, that never came to pass because of something directly connected to this song. I told you earlier of my mother's death, well afterwards I shut down completely; shutting out everyone other than Nate. He was the safe choice, the easy choice, and likely the only one of our friends who was there to mourn Eleanor as much as he was to comfort me; which gave me a certain level of comfort. Even Marcus was great during this time, allowing you to spend as much time with me as I would allow. In the end he became desperate for me to be okay and allowed you some time with me completely alone. You played this song for me as you broke through my defenses and forced me to feel again. It was one of the defining moments of my life. The only way I knew to repay you was to give you your life back; I lied to you, claiming that I told Marcus about our plans for you to join me in London so that you couldn't give up your life for me. When I left you were so angry that I feared you would hate me but I left you a letter and you did in fact reply." _When Blair finished Chuck sighed. What had they done to the world that they deserved this kind of heartbreak over and over again. In this song lay more promises designed specifically to comfort her_**. I will be your guardian when all is crumbling steady your hand**_. Even though he had apparently been the one successful in breaking through Blair's barriers, it didn't change what had happened. Blair had lost her mother, a woman that Chuck was not under any circumstances fond of. She treated Blair almost as badly as Bart treated Chuck, the difference lay in the fact that Chuck at least did something to earn his father's ire; Blair was never anything other than perfect. Though that didn't stop her mother from wishing that she were more like Serena and less like herself. But Blair needed her approval, needed her love and with Eleanor dying when she did, Chuck can only imagine that Blair was never able to receive that approval. Eleanor never got the opportunity to correct her mistake. Damn it, it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. It didn't seem to matter how much they loved each other, there was always something stopping them from being together. Like the song said, _**we're pulling apart and coming together again and again, we're growing apart but we pull it together, together again. **_Were they destined to forever be trapped within this tug of war of pain and suffering if he went back? Or was it finally their turn to be happy?

As the song ended, Chuck was once more greeted by Blair's voice. _"I'm sorry for this next one lover. I wouldn't have put it on here but I thought it was important to tell the whole story just like you did. After Marcus and I got back to London he discovered our letters and he forced me to write to you and end things for good; he didn't give me another choice. After that I shut down my emotions and listened to this song over and over again; it seemed to be how I was feeling. According to Jenny you were listening to the same one so I thought it was only fitting to represent our time apart. It's Colorblind by Counting Crows."_ As Chuck listened to the song's lyrics he felt his head spin_**. I am covered in skin, no one gets to come in. Pull me out from inside, I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding. I am colorblind. **_He could only imagine the pain he must have felt at that letter; a pain that would have driven him to do almost anything to ensure that he didn't feel it anymore because he knew what it was like to feel this way, he knew it all too well because it was the way he'd felt for seventeen years. He'd put up barrier after barrier to ensure that no one broke through but someone had, Blair had and he couldn't comprehend the way it would feel to have the world illuminated by her and then to lose it and have to return to the way that things were before. The next song proved he was correct.

_"Jenny told me that you reverted to the old you. The one that hurt everyone and cared about no one until you just couldn't handle it anymore. She's also the one that told me that you were listening to this song, You Found Me by the Fray, while you were telling her that you were leaving town; which we all know now isn't exactly what you were planning. Instead you bought a car, gave away your credit cards, and drove aforementioned car into a tree in North Carolina of all places. I arrived only a few hours after you left. Marcus had listened to this iPod and realized he couldn't keep us apart, not if he really loved me, so he let me go. That was a long day for me, plane flight home, found out you left, and then Jenny told me that I was pregnant instead of her. It was too much to handle and I couldn't seem to function. If I'd only been a couple hours earlier you would never have left and we would be together right now; but there's no use bemoaning the past. We only have the future and I want my future to be with you."_

While the song played Chuck felt the kind of pain he had to have been feeling; to have had Blair as completely as he had had her and then to have lost her seemingly for good was a pain too great to bear. The words were sad, hungry, desperate words_**; lost and insecure, you found me, you found me, lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded, why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late you found me, you found me**_. It was as though he'd been in terrible pain, begging for someone, anyone to recognize what he was going through and do something to pull him out. _**In the end everyone ends up alone, losing her the only one who's ever known, who I am who I'm not and who I wanna be**_. Some of these lyrics were so true that it caused even more pain. From what he learned through this iPod Blair was the only one who knew him, really knew him and he'd lost her. But it didn't have to be this way. Blair was in New York and she wanted him, she felt things for him that no one ever had and he knew that he felt for her he just wasn't sure what he felt right now, not certain of the depths of his feelings. As the lyrics near the end of the song rang in his ears Chuck came to a startling realization of who the song and likely he had been pleading to. _**Early morning the city breaks, I've been calling for years and years and years and years and you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters, you got some kinda nerve, taking all of my world. **_He had been pleading with God, he had been angry at God for all of this mess, for taking his world because clearly this Chuck believed that Blair Waldorf was his entire world. In truth Chuck Bass had been angry at God his entire life. God had taken his mother from him when he was so young, God had given him a father that didn't love him or didn't know how, God had then let him taste complete perfection in the form of Blair Waldorf, then he had let Blair be taken away from him too, and now he'd taken away his memory when Chuck needed it the most. Not once had they ever been at peace with each other except perhaps when Chuck was with Blair but he couldn't really know for sure as he didn't remember that time in his life. Although he suspected for once he might have been at peace not just with God but with himself; he suspected that Blair could have had that effect. And just like that he knew he loved her, he knew that there was a part of him that did the part of him that lay dormant inside due to the amnesia; he couldn't deny that. He simply needed to find that part of himself and tap into it.

When her voice began to speak again, there was a determined set to his jaw. _"So this next song is called Come Home by OneRepublic. It represents a low point in my life, a very low point. It was my own conversation with God. It was my plea to him and to you to bring you back to me. I was alone in my suspicions that you hadn't simply run off; it felt like everyone was against me. In some ways they were. No one believed me that something had happened to you, they all thought I was crazy; sometimes they even made me doubt myself and my intuition. I felt closed in and completely surrounded by people yet so alone. I sort of ran away to your suite where I found your medication and that's when I knew for sure that whatever had happened to you wasn't good. That night I was so desperate that I called Marcus and begged him for his help and that's how I found you. The song is still true, I still want you to come home to me. I promise you that we can work all of it out, together." _Chuck listened to her words and the song with a new resolve, a resolve to fix this and to be there for her like she needed. One line in particular struck him as he listened as there was a quality of pure truth in her voice as she sang them that imbued them with a certain essence that only something so true could. _**The fight for you is all I've ever known, so come home**_. Chuck knew from the iPod that they had been fighting for each other for longer than most even knew and now he could only imagine the pain she must have been in during this time. He knew their friends and family and their approval was everything to Blair; it must have been so hard for her to fight them. But she had for him. How could he not fight to regain what he had lost when she had already done so much? That's what they did, they fought for each other. It was his turn to fight for her; fight to regain his memory, fight to be the guy she needed. He would fight.

As the song came to a close he looked down seeing there were only three more left on the list and stood, beginning to walk back towards Franklin Street. His stomach was growling and he had absolutely no idea how long he'd been sitting in the quad. Chuck was unsure of what songs might be left because it was clear to him at least that all of their time together was now in the past. She had found him and there hadn't been any other memories together. But Blair knew what he was thinking as she always seemed to do and answered any questions he had with her next words_. "Since I'm sure you're wondering 'what else could be on this playlist' I thought I'd let you know that these three songs are songs that I've added as my messages to you. Each of these says something different about how I feel about our relationship and since you've gotten this far in the iPod, I'm sure you'll understand. This first song is Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. For me this explains better than anything else ever could the way that I feel about us and our relationship. When we first got together I would have done anything not to fall in love with you and it took me so long to admit it. Everyone was against us but I need you, you are what keeps me going and without you it's like I'm slowly dying. So here's my first song to you." _ Chuck couldn't help the rush of hope and something akin to pride in himself that he felt at her words. Blair needed him and he should be fighting for her and what they had. He wanted to be her guy, he did. The song began and he focused on her beautiful voice singing the lyrics.

_**Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain  
Once or twice was enough, and it was all in vain  
Time starts to pass  
Before you know it you're frozen, oh**_

He didn't need the iPod or Blair to tell him that she had been closed off from love before they got together. He knew from years of quiet observation that things with Nathaniel had been bad. Nate had treated her like no one deserved to be treated and she had convinced herself that she had loved him; she had convinced herself of a broken heart. Truly her heart was probably broken by Nathaniel's betrayal with Serena but not because she really loved Nate, because yet another person in her life desired Serena more than her. Chuck had decided long ago when Blair first told him of their affair that if she had come to him it would have been because she thought that she was done with love.

_**But somethin' happened for the very first time with you  
My heart melted to the ground, found somethin' true  
And everyone's looking 'round  
Thinkin' I'm going crazy, oh **_

Though as the lyrics stated, Chuck knew that something had changed for her when they were together. Blair herself had said it; she was freer, happier. Yet another rush of pride filled him; he had been good to Blair, good enough that she had fallen for him. He could only imagine the reactions of people as they found out. He would pay money to remember what Serena had said when she found out. The girl who was apparently his step sister, had always had a strong distaste for him, tolerating him because of Blair and Nate; she couldn't have been pleased by Blair's choice.

_**But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'  
You cut me open and I -**_

_**Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love  
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
You cut me open '**_

If Blair truly meant the lyrics of the song, which he assumed she did by how honest and raw everything on this entire playlist had been, then she had not only fought for their relationship as hard as she had claimed, but she had truly stuck around for all of the pain and heartache he had caused her. She had fought to be with him just as much as he had apparently fought to be with her.

_**Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud  
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt  
Yet I know that the goal  
Is to keep me from fallin', yeah yeah, oh**_

_**But nothin's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace  
And in this world of loneliness, I see your face  
Yet everyone around me  
Thinks that I'm goin' crazy, baby, baby**_

As Chuck continued to listen, he couldn't get over how well the song fit Blair's situation. From the beginning of the song which fit their initial sexual relationship to this part of the song which could have been a summation of Blair's innermost thoughts over the last few months. She had already told him how everyone had told her to quite searching for him and even though they had meant well, Blair had known better. And through all of the loneliness she had believed that being with him was worth not only the pain but everything else as well.

_**But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'  
You cut me open and I -**_

_**Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love  
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
You cut me open**_

_**And it's drainin' all of me  
Oh, they find it hard to believe  
I'll be wearing these scars  
For everyone to see **_

Chuck wished with all his heart that he could stop her from hurting anymore. He could hear in her voice the truth of the line saying that it was all draining on her. She needed him to be strong for her; she had been the strong one long enough.

_**But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closin'  
Oh, you cut me open and I -**_

_**Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
I keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love  
Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love (love)  
Oh, you cut me open and I -**_

_**Keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love  
I keep bleedin', I keep, (oh, keep bleedin' love) keep bleedin' love  
Keep bleedin', (I keep) keep, keep bleedin' love  
Oh, you cut me open and I -**_

_**Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love**_

Chuck was approaching Franklin Street as Blair quit singing and started talking once more. _"My next song to you is on here to give you courage. At least that's what I hope it does. It's my song to the Chuck that I know is inside of you; the one that remembers everything that we've been through. This is telling him that I'm going to be here, believing in him, no matter what happens. He will always have me and so will you. So here's Aftermath by Adam Lambert."_

_**Have you lost your way?  
Livin' in the shadow of the messes that we made  
And so it goes  
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow  
Take a step before you leap  
Into the colors that you seek  
You give back what you give away  
So just look back on yesterday**_

An internal shiver ran through him as Blair was once more singing to him; or more she was singing to something inside of him. Now that he was certain that there was a part of him that knew all of this, that remembered everything, he couldn't help the indescribable need for that part of him to hear what she was saying. He wasn't a metaphysical kind of guy but right now he felt like he need a shaman or something to do the antitheses of exercise that part. But the words of the song were true, that part of him was lost and they were all living in the shadow of their mistakes.

_**Wanna scream out  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath**_

Blair was virtually promising him the world. She was reassuring him that no matter what happened next she was going to support him and be with him. When he went back and dealt with everything, his dad, his friends, his lack of memory, he wasn't going to be doing it alone. He couldn't be afraid of the part of him that remembered. He couldn't be afraid to feel.

_**You feel the weight  
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day  
It's not too late  
Think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play  
Take a step before you leap  
Into the colors that you seek  
You give back what you give away  
So don't look back on yesterday**_

_**Wanna scream out  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath**_

It was like she knew what he was thinking all the time. She knew that he was scared, she knew that he needed reassurance, he needed her. If he put his faith in her and took the giant step forward to go home, perhaps everything would be alright and if it wasn't, he would still have her there when everything was over.

_**Before you break you have to change your own mind  
Take a trip and fall into the clear  
Tell a stranger that their beautiful  
So all you feel is love love  
All you feel is love love**_

_**Wanna scream out  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Wanna tell you you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath**_

_**Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath**_

Chuck felt a surge of hope as the song ended. She believed in him, she loved him, she would stand by him through anything. Even if he never got his memory back, Blair was going to stay with him, it would be alright. And maybe then one day he would remember. Even if he didn't she wasn't going to abandon him. He had her, always. The feeling that he had felt growing gradually in his chest was stronger than ever as he felt things that he had never dreamed he would.

Approaching the Carolina Coffee Shop Chuck walked in and took a seat by the window, pausing momentarily so that he could have a chance to focus on the menu and order lunch. Quickly deciding what he wanted Chuck sat down his menu and began to flip through the photos absentmindedly as he waited for the waitress to come by the table. Within moments she approached. "Hi I'm Katie, what can I get you today?" She asked, her sweet southern accent matching her genuine smile.

Chuck sat down the iPod on the table, as he looked up at the young girl. "I'll have an Irish coffee and the Crumbled Blue Cheese Burger with a side of fries, no onions." As he finished, he expected the waitress to write down his order and leave but she stood before him seemingly frozen in place. He followed her gaze down to the iPod on his table which was currently fixed on a photograph of him with Blair in bed then back up to the girl. About to make a snarky comment about minding her own business Chuck was shocked at the words that came out of her mouth.

"You know Blair Waldorf." She spoke, her voice not sounding like her own. As the obviously handsome guy in front of her was ordering, Katie had unwittingly glanced down at his iPod spotting a picture of the client in front of her with none other than the stunning brunette who had frequented this very table only a few weeks prior.

Chuck narrowed his eyes, his suspicions instantly piqued. Once more he was about to make a remark characteristic of the Chuck Basshole he was so used to being when he remembered that Blair was the reason he had chosen this particular restaurant. Tyler had informed him that she came here almost every day and he had come here to feel connected to her. Of course someone here would recognize her picture. These thoughts seemed to settle him down enough that when he spoke his words were calm and smooth. "Yes, I do."

Katie blinked a couple of times as her gaze transferred from the picture to the strikingly handsome young man in front of her. "You're Chuck Bass." She said, certain of her words. She could clearly see him being to boy that Blair was so desperately in love with.

This time Chuck's eyebrows rose. It was unlike Blair to converse with strangers about private matters and he was 99% sure that he had never bedded the girl before him. "I am." He responded cautiously. When the girl said nothing more he spoke again, this time with a slight edge to his voice. "And might I ask why you know that?"

Katie inhaled quickly, remembering that the guy in front of her was the one that Blair hadn't thought was worth it; he was the not so great version of Blair's Chuck . . . Unless he had gotten back his memory. "Blair and I talked for a while." She could see the skepticism in Chuck's eyes and chose to explain further. "I think she needed someone to talk to and I had asked her if she was okay. I feel the need to ask you the same thing."

So Blair had spoken to the girl before him about their relationship; that was interesting thought Chuck as he studied the brunette. "How much did she tell you?"

"Enough." Katie replied with a slight lift of her shoulder. "I don't think she ever expected you to show up here."

"Neither did I." Chuck spoke quietly.

Katie however heard his words and tried to smile reassuringly. Clearly Chuck didn't have his memory back or else he wouldn't still be here in North Carolina; he'd be back in New York with Blair. "She loves you a lot you know."

Chuck looked up at her, this time with pensive, guarded eyes. "I know." After a slight pause in which Katie began to turn to put in Chuck's order, Chuck spoke again. "What would you do, if you were in my position?"

Katie turned back around to face Chuck and bit her lip uncertainly. Chuck Bass was obviously a powerful and wealthy guy, he had to have plenty of people he could go to for advice yet right now he was asking her and out of respect for Blair she was going to do her best to answer honestly. "I'd go home." She replied certain of her response. Not waiting for Chuck to say more, she walked towards the counter to turn in his order.

As Katie walked away Chuck found his that his breath was quickening as lyrics to an old Deep Blue Something song entered his head as though the speakers of the restaurant were playing the song.

_**If I woke up one morning with my memory gone  
I'd pick out some clothes and I'd put them on  
Then I'd walk down the street and find a cafe  
And I'd order a Guiness and I'd sit there all day**_

Maybe they were, maybe the song was actually playing, that would make more sense than his current predicament. The song was one that reminded him of Blair since he had listened to a few of Deep Blue Something's other songs after learning that Breakfast at Tiffany's was her favorite.

_**Then some kids would come in and start a fuss  
About how great their weekend in New Orleans was  
I'd look down and smile like their tale was my own  
I'd be drowning in memory, and then I would know**_

This particular song by the band, appropriately titled Home was also appropriately about a boy who's lost his memory, finding home. Yet the song itself, while pertinent, wasn't what had his heart rate accelerating to an almost alarming speed.

_**How it used to be in summer, so many years ago  
When we really didn't worry, or care to know  
Where we would be, or how old we had grown  
Then I'd open my eyes and I know I was**_

Rather, it was the fact that Chuck was remembering something that in all actuality he should have no recollection of as the first Deep Blue Something song he had ever heard was after Blair, he'd never even heard of the group until he heard her singing in the shower. And it was easy to open his ears and know that the song playing in the restaurant wasn't the same as the song playing in his head.

_**Home****  
Where my friends are  
Even when I'm not  
I wish you were here**_

Chuck felt his hands go numb as he came to the staggering realization that he remembered something. Not something necessarily important, but something . . . and that was everything. That meant that all hope wasn't lost. If he could remember this song, no matter how trivial it might be, he could potentially remember it all.

_**Then it would rain, like it sometimes does  
And if we were bored it wouldn't bother us  
We'd just get in the car and drive through the night  
And get lost in East Texas, but no one would mind**_

The rush of hope and happiness that ran through him was greater than anything Chuck had ever experienced before; so great in fact that he couldn't help himself from standing from his seat with a smile on his face; very unBasslike actions. He threw a couple of large bills down on the table, grabbed the iPod and made his way towards the exit, calling a cab to collect him as he walked.

_**'Cause we'd find our way home like we always do  
Funny how the time flies in our youth  
But with darkness approaching, we will all grow close  
In that place we call heaven but for now, we'll just call it**_

As he stepped out onto the sidewalk Chuck's smile couldn't seem to dampen because it wasn't only that he remembered something that had him so ecstatic; no, it was the realization that he knew where his home was. He knew where his heart belonged, he knew the place he would call heaven and it wasn't New York City. Chuck Bass's home was Blair Waldorf. Wherever she was, was where he belonged, where his heart lay even when he was here in North Carolina.

_**Home  
Where my friends are  
Even when I'm not  
I wish you were here**_

_**I'll see you at home**_

Climbing into the cab before him, Chuck already knew that he was going home to Blair, but now he just wanted to hear her voice again and hear what else she thought that he needed to hear to bring him home to her. _"This last song is to the Chuck that I left in the hospital and that's really all there is to say about it. It's called Come Back to Me, by David Cook." _Chuck sighed at the sound of her voice singing the song, he had to restart the song almost immediately as he found he was getting lost in thoughts of her voice rather than what she was actually saying.

_**You say you got to go and find yourself  
You say that you're becoming someone else  
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you**_

When the song started over, he allowed every word from her lips to sink in. Whatever her message was, Chuck wanted to make sure he understood it; regardless of the fact that his mind was made up and he was already going home. Her words had a ring of truth that made Chuck cringe because he hadn't even been able to give the face in the mirror a name until she'd arrived.

_**You say you're leaving as you look away  
I know there's really nothing left to say  
Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I will wait for you**_

He frown deepened as he listened to the first stanza or so of the song. He was someone else the first time Blair had come to see him and he'd been awful to her, truly awful. Now thinking back he couldn't believe the things he'd said. . .he'd sent her fleeing in tears. How could he be so cruel. Yet still she promised to be there for him, not only on her second visit but in the song Aftermath that she had sung just before this. She had promised over and over to wait for him as he'd once sworn to her when he proposed. _If only he could remember._

_**So I'll let you go, I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you,  
Come back to me**_

She'd done just as the lyrics said she would. She'd let him go in every way she knew how, leaving him with her messages to figure things out for himself. She gave him the time and distance that he'd asked for. Chills shot up his spine as she sang those lines _**when you find you, come back to me**_. Because there was a surging in his gut that told him that even though he hadn't recovered his memory, he had found himself again. Somewhere in the heart that only Blair seemed to know he possessed he knew that he wasn't that guy that she had visited the first night in the hospital and even if he wasn't quite yet the guy she deserved, the one she loved, he knew that he was getting there.

_**Take your time, I won't go anywhere  
Picture you with the wind in your hair  
I'll keep your things right where you left them  
I'll be here for you**_

A smirk appeared on his face through the next stanza for more than one reason, most of which being that she had not changed the lyrics to fit her purposes as they had each done in previous songs in the case of picturing the wind in his hair which made him wonder if there was ever an instance that she did remember the wind in his hair - perhaps the view of him as her helicopter left after the wedding or maybe them driving through her father's vineyard in her bright red sports car. The image flashed through his mind and he knew immediately that it wasn't something imagined; no one had ever mentioned a red sports car. It was a memory as it was complete with every sensation from the moment, every sound, every feeling, every touch. It was only a flash, yet it filled him with so much hope along with a much warmer feeling that had been growing inside.

_**Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you,  
Come back to me**_

The other thing that that verse had informed him was of where to find Blair when he reached home. If she had left his things where he left them then she must be staying where his things were. And from the descriptions she gave of wanting to get away from everyone, he felt it safe to assume that the home she was staying at was his suite in the Palace. His smirk turned into a full on smile as he realized that he would be able to find her so much faster.

_**And I hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here, waiting to see  
If you find you,  
Come back to me**_

That she was waiting for him, hoping that he would be ready to come to her, saturated him with a certain sadness at the thought of her waiting for him all of this time, never knowing if he was going to come back. Yet her faith him made him feel as though he were the luckiest guy in the world. And he had found what he needed. He had discovered that the only thing that he really needed was her which was a startling revelation for the womanizing playboy of the Upper East Side.

_**I can't get close if you're not there  
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bare  
I can't fix you  
I can't save you  
It's something you'll have to do**_

These words explained why she had let him go, why she had been_ able_ to let him go. Blair being the intuitive genius that she was had realized that never leaving his side and trying to push her thoughts and feelings on him would never crack him. It would have only made him resent her for crowding him and turn him against her in the long run; he would have hated her neediness, it would have terrified him. But Blair knew him . . .she knew him well enough to know that the only way to get him back was to let him go and give him what he needed to know what she meant to him.

_**So I'll let you go, I'll set you free  
And when you've seen what you need to see  
When you find you,  
Come back to me  
Come back to me**_

But there was something that Blair was wrong about. She was the one that fixed him and she was and always would be the only one who could save him. She'd been the one to give him the iPod and infuse it with all of her memories of them. So yes she had fixed him and the one untainted memory he now possessed, the flash of them in the car, promised him that she could save him. He was beginning to discover that he needed Blair like he needed oxygen. He had been incapable of staying in that hospital for another moment today when it was so far from where she was. He'd come to Chapel Hill because he had to be close to her presence.

_**So I'll let you go, I'll set you free  
And when you've seen what you need to see  
When you find you,  
Come back to me**_

As the chorus repeated, the words became background noise for his thoughts, which were churning full force. Chuck had chilling thought as he realized just how much he needed her. He was already thinking of her as his greatest strength and because of this she would also have to be his greatest weakness. To be so utterly dependant on another person meant that she could hurt him as no one else could hurt him. She was his kryptonite. This fear shook him to his very core as he realized that losing her could destroy him like it almost had this time. The fear was so great that he almost wanted to make a U-Turn and try once more to forget her. What if someone tried to hurt her to get to him? He was after all Chuck Bass, this was not out of the realm of possibility. The thought of someone laying a hand on her created a monster in his gut, that threatened to boil to the surface and rip to shreds the hypothetical perpetrator. These thoughts led him to even worse ones; what if he hurt her? As these fears threatened to consume him the swelling in his chest shouted to him that it was nonsense. The only way he could protect her was to be with her. The same feeling promised him that he would never hurt her, that doing so would be so painful to himself that he could never bear it.

_**And I hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here, waiting to see  
You find you,  
Come back to me**_

In a sudden and rather disquieting way he found that he could identify the feeling that had been growing in his chest; the one that tightened when he sensed that Blair was sad, the one that soared at hearing about their best moments together. This continuously escalating sensation was what made him believe that Blair was his oxygen and his kryptonite; his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. Right now, in this very moment, Chuck Bass -not the Chuck from before the accident, the Chuck Bass that was currently in existence- was completely and irrevocably in love with Blair Waldorf; the feeling in his chest was love.

_**When you find you,  
Come back to me**_

"I love her." He said almost so softly that he couldn't even hear himself. He was testing the words on his tongue, tasting them, analyzing the way that they felt on his lips and coming to the staggering realization that they felt like the most natural words he had ever said. "I love her." He said this time loudly and with a smile beaming from his face.

The cabbie looked at him curiously before nodding. "That's great." He spoke even though he thought that the kid in his backseat might be crazy.

Chuck leaned his head back against the headrest of the cab. He didn't care what anyone else thought about him because God he loved her and in a matter of hours he would be home again with her by his side. Realizing then that he had paused the iPod at the conclusion of the song he pressed play, knowing that Blair would have had parting words for him. He was surprised at how brief those words turned out to be as he was half expecting a monologue. At the same time he wasn't entirely sure that Blair didn't have some form of precognitive abilities, at least when it came to him. _"You know where to find me. So, I'll see you soon then?" _

Chuck could hear the smile in her voice at her last words. Blair had known that if he had made it to this point in the iPod that he would come home and that was exactly what he intended to do. Sparing a quick glance out the window to see just how close to the hospital he was, Chuck was astonished to realize that not only was it night, but they were coming to a stop in front of the hospital at that moment.

He quickly handed the cabbie a hundred and hopped out of the cab, shouting "Keep the change" as he fled. Swiftly making his way through the hospital doors, Chuck was done with all forms of pretense. Now he simply wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible. He might not even have stopped back by if he hadn't left his heart medication and his recently purchased lap top; both were replaceable but he'd rather not bother.

Walking straight into the main corridor of the hospital and entering the elevator, he passed several workers and was slightly surprised that none of them seemed in any way alerted by his presence. It wasn't that it was unusual to see him wandering around in full clothing, but he assumed since he'd been missing for several hours that there would be at least a smattering of whispers at his arrival; yet everyone seemed nonplused. This puzzled him slightly until he walked onto the tenth floor where he spotted Emma at the nurse's station. The second her eyes had locked on him they had become as wide as saucers and Chuck found himself smirking slightly; at least someone had noticed his absence.

"Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! Thank goodness you're back, Holly's been trying to keep anyone from noticing and I think she's about to have a panic attack." Emma whispered in harsh tones as she rushed around the counter and took hold of Chuck's arm before proceeding to drag him down the hallway toward his room.

Chuck didn't struggle as that was his intended destination but he couldn't help but find the situation amusing. He didn't find it quite so amusing when Emma tugged him into his room to be greeted by an irate looking Holly. "Lookie what I found." She said with a smile.

Fire flashed through Holly's eyes as she rose to her feet. "Where the hell have you been?" She spat venom, voice full of venom.

"Out." Chuck said with a slight shrug, attempting to feign nonchalance. He was actually quite frightened of Holly's impending outburst; he'd seen them directed at others and wasn't thrilled at the prospect of having one directed at himself.

Holly felt her jaw clench as she crossed her arms in front of her. "How dare you just walk out of here without telling someone; without telling me!"

Chuck furrowed his brow slightly. "I don't see what the big deal is, we all know I'm not really a patient anymore. It's not like I actually need medical care."

"You don't see the big deal. YOU don't see the big deal? I'll tell you what the big deal is, you see technically YOU are still a patient here. Which technically makes us, and more importantly ME, responsible for you. And you aren't just any patient now are you? NO, you're Chuck Freaking Bass, the single most high profile patient to grace this hospital with their presence. Do you understand what would have happened had someone realized you were missing?" Holly paused for a brief second noting that Chuck had been stunned into an unresponsive silence before continuing. "I would have been fired on the spot; most likely Emma too. Add that to the fact that I had absolutely no idea where you were or what had happened to you and yes I'd say it was a big deal."

As Holly finished her rant a pregnant pause seeped into the room that wasn't broken until Chuck responded. "I want to check out."

Holly's eyebrows rose, unable to pretend that she wasn't completely shocked by Chuck's response. "I didn't mean you have to leave Chuck. It's not like you're not paying to stay here." She responded her temper cooling off.

Almost simultaneously, Chuck's temper seemed to heat up and boil over, catching him and the nurses completely unawares. "I'm living in a fucking hospital! Do you realize how pathetic that is? I was too much of a coward to go home and face my past, face what I can't remember, that I turned a hospital into a fucking hotel! I'm done being a coward! I'm done being weak! And I want to fucking check out." Holly and Emma both looked as taken aback by Chuck's outburst as he was. The next words he spoke were back under his control, his voice more gentle and at the same time more guarded. "I just want to go home . . .to Blair."

At those words both Holly and Emma gasped, exchanging a quick glance before Emma spoke. "Do you remember?" She asked, her voice full of astonishment.

Chuck inhaled before he gave a slight shake of his head. "No." After a brief pause he continued. "But I'm starting to." He paused again, considering whether or not his next words were appropriate. "I love her." He said softly, reverently.

Emma looked as though she would pass out and this time it was Holly who spoke uncertainly. "We already knew that you loved her. We all heard Blair say it."

Chuck shook his head with more vigor this time as he corrected Holly. "No,_ I_ _love her_. As in right now, I am in love with her."

"Oh." Holly spoke as her mouth formed a small 'o'. Once more they all fell into silence and Chuck began to gather his things together; placing them in a duffle he had had brought to keep his clothes in. "Stop" Holly said after a few minutes. Either Chuck didn't hear her, or it didn't register, so Holly repeated herself more loudly. "I said STOP."

Chuck immediately froze and looked up at Holly, not certain what to expect this time.

"You can check out tomorrow morning." Holly spoke as she ran a hand through her hair. "I'll fill out the release papers and have them ready then." Chuck looked as though he was about to protest and Holly held up her hand, walking forwards and placing it on his shoulder. "Save it Chuck. You can't be released unless I sign the papers. I would sign them now but it's late and you should sleep. Leaving now will have you in New York no earlier than three a.m. and you'll be no good to Blair at that hour. So take your time, gather your things and I promise I'll release you in the morning?"

"First thing?" He asked calmly.

Holly nodded. "First thing."

Chuck found a rather complacent look had taken over his features and he gave a single curt nod. "Okay then."

_**

* * *

**_

_**Thursday, May 14, 2009 - Chuck's Palace Suite, NYC**_

Blair sighed as she walked into Chuck's suite. Every time she opened the door she couldn't help but get her hopes up that perhaps Chuck had come home but every time she was disappointed. She knew she shouldn't think of things like that but no matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the fact that she had done everything she could to bring him home she always felt like she could have done more. Walking in she knew that she was only going to be disappointed again. She was shocked to see a jacket laying over one of the bar stools.

"Chuck?" Blair spoke tentatively into the seemingly empty apartment. Chills ran down her spine and she wasn't sure whether or not they were the good kind or the bad kind. Someone was clearly here in the apartment or had been here. It could have been Chuck. There was evidence to suggest that that was the case, part of which being the freshly opened retainer of scotch sitting on the table. Yet the smell in the room was all wrong; it didn't smell like Chuck at all.

"Nate?" She called out her voice growing with false strength. Her words were simply grasping at straws because she knew that the person in the suite wasn't Nate or Eric. Any normal person would be terrified at this point: she was an attractive, rich, female who was close to five months pregnant and there was an intruder in her suite. And she was definitely alarmed but not because she didn't know who was in her suite. When she had noted that it didn't smell like Chuck, she hadn't been entirely sure. Chuck had been wearing Armani Code since he was eight and deigned himself cultured enough to select his own scent. On first whiff she had told herself that it could be Code or it could have been a new scent Chuck was trying out but after a few moments she realized that she did recognize the scent and her odor confusion had been a result of the lingering Code fragrance mixing with an aroma that Blair knew too well; Armani's other scent, Acqua Di Gio. No Blair Waldorf knew exactly whose jacket was laying across the bar stool and that's what scared her most of all.

Blair walked into the room refusing to speak the name of the man she knew must be present until she was firmly standing with a hold on the bar. "Marcus." She finally called, this time not a question.

Immediately a presence darkened the doorway of Chuck's bedroom as Marcus leaned against the doorframe. "Third time's a charm darling." He spoke as he lifted the glass of scotch in slight toast.

**

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! The song list is below as always.**

ETA: Yes I know I said that Marcus was out of the picture but there was a slight change of plans along the way as I decided i left his character hanging. I promise he isn't going to hurt Blair or anything though. That isn't why he's here. 

**Reviews are always appreciated (I've re-enabled anonymous reviews again so we will see how that goes), **

**XOXO  
Kate**

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**

**I Hate Missing You: Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson (Chuck)  
Waking Up With You: Bette Davis Eyes - Leighton Meester (Blair)  
The Best Christmas: Wedding Dress - Matt Nathanson (Chuck)  
Trying to Run: Stay With You - Goo Goo Dolls (Chuck)  
Sleep Well: Lullabye - Josh Groban (Chuck)  
Grief And Love: Never Say Never - The Fray (Blair)  
Without You: Colorblind - Counting Crows (Blair)  
Lost and Found: You Found Me - The Fray (Blair)  
I Need You: Come Home - OneRepublic (Blair)**

**New Additions  
Blair's Story: Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis  
Message to the Old Chuck: Aftermath - Adam Lambert  
Message to the Chuck Now: Come Back to Me - David Cook**

**Chuck's Memory: Home - Deep Blue Something**


	61. Past Meets Present

**Hello lovelies. So really the only thing I need to tell you about this chapter ahead of time is that there's a new character that comes up. She's going to be important enough in these last five chapters that I've put her picture on my profile; her name is Jocelyn.**

**To my reviewers:** CarolinaGirl21, wrightangal, Butterflies In My Stomach, GGfanficfan09, Reader, freaky-chick-108, smartin555, SouthernBelle88, ana-12, EdLeighton3, and LitPrincess2787. **Your reviews for the last chapter were so amazing! Especially some of the anonymous ones! Thanks for all the support, much love!**

**Disclaimer: I have a hard back copy of every released Harry Potter book, but I do not own Gossip Girl. **

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time and I'm liberal with my language usage. **

**Thanks again to miragrace93 for the beta work!**

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_**Thursday, May 14, 2009 - Chuck's Palace Suite, NYC**_

Blair could feel her heartbeat racing as she gripped the bar in sheer terror. Questions fled through her mind rapidly as she narrowed her eyes at the very unwelcome intruder. What was he doing here? Why now after everything? He'd let her go, he promised he was going to leave her alone, had he changed his mind? How'd he even manage to get in? She knew immediately her last question was ridiculous, he was one of England's Princes, he was more powerful than Chuck Bass. Yet with all of the questions, one simply kept popping back up in her mind. Masking her emotions, Blair put on an air of completely nonchalance. "What are you doing here?"

The frown that crossed Marcus's face could be considered playful and there was even a bit of a laugh present in his voice. "Aren't you happy to see me?" Blair narrowed her eyes and Marcus shrugged. "Blair darling, I'm hurt." He acted as though she had actually pained him.

Blair inhaled deeply and tried to lessen her hold on the bar. Being tense wasn't going to get her anywhere, she needed to know what Marcus was doing in New York and then she needed to deal with it. She knew him well enough to know that whatever he wanted he would get it; but she also knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't hurt her. . . she thought. "I repeat, what are you doing here?"

"Can't I just be here to check up on my lovely ex-wife?" Marcus asked.

Blair shook her head slightly. "No."

Marcus shrugged again, still nonplused by Blair's noncompliance. "I wanted to see how you were doing after . . . everything."

"And a phone call wouldn't have sufficed?" Blair asked with raised eyebrows. "I'm still not buying it, try again."

Marcus couldn't help but crack a smile. He'd forgotten what it was like to banter with Blair; she was like no one else. "That's partially true you know," Blair gave him the patented Blair Waldorf stare down. "It is." He spoke, his voice actually quite believable. "Whatever, if you don't want to believe me that's fine." Blair smiled involuntarily at his use of 'whatever' knowing he'd picked it up during his time with her. Marcus was bolstered by Blair's smile, however brief, and continued on with an explanation. "I want you to know that I've spent the past few months feeling guiltier than you can possibly imagine. I don't know how I became the type of person who would do what I did to you. And I'm sorry, I don't think I ever actually said it but I am so sorry for everything. I know I ruined your life, I know that what I did was unforgivable. I . . ." Marcus was going to continue but Blair interrupted him.

"I forgive you." Blair said softly as she took a seat on a bar stool.

Marcus's eyes went wide and he noticed that Blair's had as well. It appeared that she was as surprised by her statement as he was. Marcus was further surprised when Blair turned to sit down, she was pregnant. The baby bump was large but it was undeniably there. They sat there for a moment, staring at each other, neither saying a word.

Blair inhaled and exhaled a few times surprised by her own words. _Had she really just said that she forgave him? _How was that possible after what he'd done to her, after what he'd done to Chuck? But as much as the statement surprised her, it wouldn't have slipped out if it weren't true. She knew that Marcus cared about her, loved her even and in the end he'd not only let her go, but he had helped her find Chuck. "I do. I forgive you." She spoke after she got her thoughts in order. "Without you I would have never found Chuck."

Marcus's immediate response was that without him Chuck wouldn't have needed finding but he didn't want to remind Blair of that after what she had just said. "Thank you." He spoke, almost reverently. "Chuck's part of the reason I came today. I've actually been in town for a few days."

Blair tilted her head curiously. "What are you talking about?"

Marcus's eyebrows furrowed with worry and he began to panic. Why didn't she know what he was talking about? That didn't make any sense. "I've been keeping tabs on the hospital in North Carolina. I wanted you to be in a good mood when I asked you a favor so I wanted to wait until Chuck came home."

"Chuck's not home." Blair spoke, eyes filling with worry and a certain amount of fear. "Why would you think he was?"

As much as Marcus didn't want to say what he had to say now, he knew there wasn't another choice. "He checked out of the hospital yesterday. I assumed he came here."

Inhaling sharply Blair stood transfixed. Swallowing she prepared to speak, unsure of what she was going to say. According to Marcus, Chuck had checked out of the hospital and yet he wasn't here. How had he left and not come home to her? Did he run away for real this time? How could this have happened? She'd thought that giving him the iPod would help him remember or at least bring him back to her. She'd been prepared for what would happen if he never listened to the iPod, she was prepared for him never leaving that hospital. What she was not ready for was this, she was not prepared for him to listen to the iPod and then leave the hospital and still not come back here. What had gone wrong? All of her questions suddenly became too much and she felt a gasp escape her as tears rapidly began to fall from her eyes.

Marcus's heart broke as he watched Blair. After everything that he'd put her through, he never imagined that this news about Chuck would do this; he hadn't thought that it would be news at all. He was next to her with his arms around her before he even knew what he was doing. His urge to comfort her was stronger than it had ever been. He was more than surprised when instead of pulling away she wrapped her arms around him and buried herself in his chest.

For those minutes that she spent in Marcus's arms, Blair didn't care that it was Marcus who was comforting her; in fact, she was glad that it was Marcus and not someone else. Other than Chuck, Marcus had seen her lower than anyone, some of those times were due to him, but still he'd witnessed it. He'd been there when she broke down after the wedding when she'd had to say goodbye to Chuck, he'd been there when she found out that her mother died, and he'd been there at possibly her lowest moment ever when she'd called him and begged him to find Chuck for her. She knew that he would be there for her now. "I'm sorry." She gasped as yet another strangled sob was pulled from her body. "It's just, it's been so hard and I've tried to be so strong but I can't anymore." Choking sobs overcame her once more as she tightly held on to the guy that she once would have done anything to be away from.

Marcus was in shock, but he did his best to comfort her. "Shhhh, it's okay. It's going to be okay. I know Chuck or more, I know how much Chuck loves you. He'll be here; I know he'll come home to you."

Blair pulled back slightly and looked into Marcus's eyes. "But what if he doesn't? What if he remembered and doesn't want to be with me and sees this as his way out?"

Marcus placed his hands on either side of her face, fixing her so that she couldn't look away. "Bollocks! That man followed you to France and would have followed you to London. He'd go half way around the world to be with you. If he remembered, nothing would keep him away."

"Then why isn't he here?" She asked her voice small.

Marcus closed his eyes tightly as he pulled her back into a hug. "I don't know." He paused before speaking again a certain amount of excitement filling him. "Did you give him the iPod?" Blair pulled back and nodded, which he had expected. She knew how much the iPod made a difference where he was concerned so of course she would have given it to Chuck to help him remember. "Then maybe he listened to it and decided that he owed you more than the guy he is right now. Maybe he wants to remember before he comes back to you, or at least figure out what made him a better guy first."

Blair felt her brows relax as she contemplated Marcus's theory. "Do you really think that's what happened?" She asked. Trying to sound unaffected though she knew that there was more than an ounce of hope in her voice. She reached up and used her thumbs to rub away the mascara that she knew was running under her eyes.

"I really do." Marcus said, taking a step backwards. Now that Blair had calmed down, he didn't want to invade her personal space. Trying to get her mind off the current situation he gestured towards her stomach. "Speaking of something happening, when did this happen?"

Blair smiled slightly, there was no use worrying about where Chuck was now, she'd done everything that she could already; the rest was up to him. "Over Christmas or maybe after my mom died." Almost playfully she smacked his shoulder. "Because someone switched my birth control for sugar pills."

Marcus looked down sheepishly as a blush rose to his face. That was another of his actions towards Blair that he rather regretted.

Blair reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. I think everything worked out like it was supposed to." As she spoke, she moved her hand to her stomach. "But look at your shirt! I think my eye makeup has probably ruined it." She spoke, with a smile on her face that was only half fake.

Marcus glanced down at his shoulder before lifting his shoulders in a shrug once more. "It's not a big deal. I have plenty of shirts."

Blair nodded before standing. She linked her arm with his and started walking towards the couch. "Now that you've seen me have a mental break down, why don't you tell me what you're really doing here." As she spoke she sat down on the couch, allowing Marcus to help her before taking a seat himself.

Marcus looked at her carefully, judging to see just exactly where her mind was at the moment. He could still see signs of her tears but she appeared to be strong and even confidant at the moment. He would never get over the amount of resolve that Blair possessed. The girl had more determination in her 115lb frame than anyone he knew. "I need your help." He spoke after taking a seat.

"With what?" Blair asked, surprisingly feeling as though she owed Marcus something, which was completely ridiculous. Yet she still found herself open to helping him.

Marcus sighed in relief. He knew Blair Waldorf so he knew that the hardest part of this plan was going to be getting her to give him the opportunity to plead his case. He wasn't going to be asking her to do something particularly difficult but it did require her participation. "It's about my PR agent. I've kept our annulment quiet up until now even from most of the family . . . including grandmother." He added pointedly knowing that Blair knew that this wasn't just any regular grandmother he was speaking about, he was referring to the Queen of England. "But people have started asking questions. As royalty, we generally are granted quite long honeymoons but right after you called me people started getting nosy. I was hiding out in Bora Bora where we were supposed to be but Jana tracked me down and had a bit of a panic attack when she realized you weren't with me." Blair couldn't help but giggled at the thought of Marcus's publicist having an anxiety attack; Blair hadn't been fond of the woman ever since she forced them to fly coach across the Atlantic Ocean. Marcus smiled slightly in return, knowing that Blair was enjoying his PR representative's misery. "I knew I was going to have to return to England soon to be able to effectively delegate the search for Chuck anyway so I returned with her and kept an extremely low profile."

"So what does this have to do with me?" Blair asked, slightly confused. Usually she was quick on the uptake but she thought everything was taken care of with Marcus, she didn't know what more there was to do.

Nodding understandingly, Marcus folded his head in front of him and continued. "Jana is of course worried about my public image. My idea was to make some sort of formal announcement saying that you and I had been waiting to consummate the marriage until our formal marriage before the Queen; however, after the wedding we realized we'd made a terrible mistake as you were still in love with a former boyfriend and I was too committed to my work. So we had the marriage annulled."

Blair nodded thinking that this sounded like a sensible plan. "That's fine with me, I don't see the problem."

"Neither did I." Marcus replied. "However, there's been a little snag or two. . ." Then with a look at Blair's small baby bump, he added. "Or three." Blair nodded encouraging him to continue, which he did obligingly. "First, Jana is worried about the paparazzi hounding you and figuring out the various holes in our story. She says that we need to present the story together and give them all the facts that they could think that they want. Maybe even over share to ensure that they've had enough. Additionally, she thinks it would be good if we pretended we were intending to stay friends since we supposedly parted amicably. "

Blair was once more nodding. "All of Jana's points make sense and I don't see any of that being too big of an issue or something we can't take care of. As for the baby bump, it's still small enough that I shouldn't have a problem finding a baby doll dress to hide it. Even at full term it probably won't be much of a problem, I've got a small frame and the doctor told me not to expect to show much. So I'll keep things under wraps and try to keep the birth quiet until the paparazzi have cleared out if it takes that long to get them gone. What else?" Blair asked, knowing there was more. After all Marcus had yet to mention the second snag.

Marcus smiled, remembering just why he'd come to Blair with his problem, not to mention remembering why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place; Blair was one of the most manipulating, conniving, and ingenious women he'd ever met, in other words she was perfect. "I've met someone." He replied tentatively watching for Blair's reaction. He saw that she was surprised but she also seemed to be supportive as she had a small smile on her lips. "It's actually someone you know; Jocelyn Forbes."

At that Blair's eyebrows really did raise; how did Marcus meet Jocelyn, much less become involved with her? Jocelyn was one of Blair's oldest . . . acquaintances. "How do you know Joss?" She asked instinctively. Jocelyn Forbes was a former Constance Queen, the one directly prior to Blair Waldorf herself. She'd been the one to crown Blair Queen at the end of her sophomore year. Joss had been a bit of a role model to Blair, she'd been the one to 'train' Blair; not that Blair had ever needed training, something Joss had realized quickly, as she had treated Blair as an equal from the second month of Blair's freshman year of high school. Blair smirked slightly as she remembered the way that Carter Baizen used to chase the girl, never quite catching her. Jocelyn was supposed to be at Yale, living the life Blair had always wanted, which once more begged the question: how on earth had she become involved with Marcus. "She and I have known each other for a long time. God I remember the first day she talked to me."

_Blair glared at the girl in front of her as though she was a miniscule piece of dirt on the bottom of her shoe, worthless and annoying. "I thought I told you to stay away from my boyfriend." She said, with venom hidden in her sickly sweet voice. _

_"Y-You did." The girl before her said with a slight stutter. "It's just Nate's my lab partner. The note I was passing him was about our lab report." _

_Blair softened her gaze slightly and at first the girl thought she was backing off, but then she realized that the fire was still in her eyes. Blair Waldorf was mocking her. Slowly she withdrew the note she'd collected from one of her followers from the pocket of her purse. "This note?" She asked innocently. "Why don't we read it?" _

_The girl cowered, shaking her head furiously. "No, please. I'm sorry. You don't have to read it." _

_Blair raised an eyebrow at the girl as she unfolded the note. "Yes I think I do because you clearly didn't get the point the first time." Blair looked down at the words and began reading. "Nate, I know I shouldn't be doing this but I can't hold it in any longer, I like you. A lot. If you ever want to go out, just know that I'm available. 3 Always, Carrie" Blair's eyes once more met the girl in front of her. "Aww how cute." She said sweetly before her voice changed drastically. "This will not be tolerated any longer." _

_"Blair please." Carrie spoke, starting to shake, she knew what Blair was capable of, or at very least she'd heard tales of what Blair was capable of. She knew better than to cross her but she'd done it anyway. She tried to reach out and grasp Blair's hand to plead with her. "I won't ask him out again, I promise."_

_Blair just shook her head, backing away a few steps. "Leave." She spoke and the girl immediately scampered off. _

_Jocelyn had been watching from around the corner, observing the girl that everyone had been talking about, the one that could potentially threaten her rein. But Jocelyn hadn't been watching to see whether or not Blair Waldorf was a threat, no she was watching to see just how good she was. She needed to begin to think about her successor and none of her current followers would do. Not to mention, she could use some help with a little problem. As the smack down finished, she was fully planning to step out and introduce herself, then she saw Blair pull out her cell phone and remained where she was, curious._

_Blair withdrew her cell phone, using *67 to block her number before dialing Carrie's house, hoping her mother would be home. This was always more effective to an actual parent rather than an answering machine. Blair smiled menacingly as Carrie's mom answered the phone politely. Blair disguised her voice and began to speak. "Hello, this is Marci of Planned Parenthood. I'm calling to speak to Caroline Sutherland. Her test results are in." _

_She listened to the obligatory freak out of Mrs. Sutherland. Followed by the demand that "Marci" tell her what kind of tests these were and to give her the results. "I'm sorry, I'm not authorized to distribute information about any of our clients. I'll call back at a more convenient time." She hung up to the continuous sound of Mrs. Sutherland's ranting with a triumphant smile on her face. _

_Jocelyn stepped out from around the corner clapping. _

_Blair looked up surprised. She of course knew who Jocelyn was. The junior was legendary and she'd only been Queen for a year. She still had two left. Secretly Blair idolized her just as every other girl in this school did. _

_"Blair Waldorf, freshman, daughter of Harold and Eleanor Waldorf, girlfriend of Nate Archibald, best friend of Serena van der Woodsen, close ally of Chuck Bass, and the only freshman girl to dare to sneak into the masquerade." Jocelyn said as she walked closer. _

_Blair inhaled sharply, but maintained her cool. So that's what this was about, Jocelyn knew that she and Chuck had snuck into the Masquerade even though freshmen weren't allowed. She forced her face into an expression that said and your point is? She responded in a similar manor, almost mocking Jocelyn's speech. "Jocelyn Forbes, junior, daughter of Michael and Simone Forbes, Queen of Constance, holds court on the steps of the met, adored by Carter Baizen, and the only girl to ever be crowned as a freshman."_

_Jocelyn cracked a smile. "I'm surprisingly not angered by your impertinence." Blair felt herself relax slightly as Jocelyn continued. "That take down was a classic." _

_Strangely calm and composed Blair shrugged lightly. "That was amateur stuff." She wasn't lying, for her that was about as tame as it could get. It was nothing near what she was capable of, especially if she enlisted the aid of one Chuck Bass. She should be terrified, standing before the most powerful girl in Constance history yet Blair found herself strangely at home in the situation. _

_Jocelyn tried not to show surprise on her features. If that was amateur she couldn't wait to witness the real thing; perhaps Blair Waldorf was just what she was looking for. "Did you get it from Mean Girls?" She asked recalling the scene in which Regina George takes down a girl in a similar fashion. _

_Blair rolled her eyes, surprising even herself with her cavalier attitude. "No, they got it from me." _

_By the look in Blair's eyes, Jocelyn certainly believed her. Blair Waldorf was a force to be reckoned with. "I'd like to see just what you're capable of." She said as she crossed her arms. _

_Blair recognized instantly that this was a test. Jocelyn was vetting her to see if she was worth her time and interest. "Who's the target?" Blair asked, unwilling to fail. _

_"Viviane Fitzgerald." Jocelyn replied simply._

_Blair's eyes widened in shock, this time she didn't even try to hide it. Viviane was supposed to be Jocelyn's second in command, it had been that way since grade school. Normally to act against one of the girls of the steps was to act against Jocelyn herself which meant immediate social destruction. This was an unprecedented situation leaving Blair to wonder if Jocelyn was using this as a reason to destroy her, remove any potential threat before Blair gained any further social status. "Are you setting me up?" She asked her eyes full of a cynicism unknown by most fourteen year old girls. _

_Jocelyn shook her head. Blair was even smarter than she'd thought. Most girls wouldn't think for a moment that she was trying to trick them, most would think that this was simply their chance to get in her good graces but Blair's mind seemed to work at a mile a minute and she had already discovered the potential threat to herself; messing with a girl of the steps was considered a cardinal offense at Constance. However, this wasn't trickery and she honestly did need Blair's help, this one was too complicated to take care of on her own; in order to gain Blair's trust though she was going to have to open up, make herself more vulnerable to Blair than she'd ever made herself to anyone. "She slept with Carter Baizen." She said, knowing that with her words she was admitting the one thing that she'd sworn never to admit to anyone. _

_Blair's eyebrows furrowed. "What? I was under the impression that you weren't interested in Carter Baizen. I thought he was just your little lap dog, your ever faithful servant." _

_Jocelyn pursed her lips slightly, she didn't want to say more, she was vulnerable enough. It was just that Blair looked like she might get it, might empathize with her. "That's what I want everyone to think. Carter and I have an interesting relationship. I don't want people to know he's my weakness so I keep him chasing me but in private things are different. We aren't really together but we banter and flirt and eventually I was going to give in. Viviane knew that Carter wasn't just a game to me, not quite to the extent of what I just told you but she's known us both long enough to know." Jocelyn straightened up. "Besides want him or not, Baizen is mine to do with as I see fit. The girls of the steps knew he was off limits, Viviane most of all." Jocelyn's voice cracked at the very end at Viviane's name._

_Blair realized then just why Jocelyn was using this to test her. While Jocelyn wanted to be part of the takedown she was too close to the matter at hand to do this completely by herself. Viviane was her best friend and Carter was her. . .well whatever Carter was. Blair nodded, there was a plan forming in her mind already. A perfect one that involved the trifecta of what made a good take down; public humiliation, social destruction, and irreparable damage. "I think we can work something out."_

_Jocelyn nodded curtly, her face back to its perfect mask, no trace of vulnerability left. "Lunch on the steps. We'll talk then." _

_"I can't, I have plans." Blair spoke, remembering that this was still a test. She couldn't let Jocelyn think she was too willing to become part of her group. After all, while she might be aiming for the crown one day, she didn't want to go through the training period and in order to skip that she needed to make Jocelyn want her as a friend and ally, not just a minion. _

_Jocelyn raised an eyebrow. No one had ever turned down an invitation to eat lunch with her. "Then cancel them." She said, a slight amount of her natural cruelty slipping into her words. _

_For a moment Blair worried that she'd overstepped her bounds, maybe she'd pushed Jocelyn too far. "Sorry, I already have a public humiliation scheduled with Chuck Bass during lunch. It's time sensitive. Besides, we can't really talk at lunch Viviane will be there." Jocelyn's eyes let Blair know that she was backing down so Blair continued. "So how about right after school? We can hit Bloomingdales and discuss it then."_

_Nodding slightly, Jocelyn took one step backwards. "Alright Blair Waldorf, but tread lightly." She paused letting Blair know what she meant before speaking again, this time there was a storm brewing in the depths of her grey eyes. "While a certain amount of impertinence will be tolerated and even applauded at times; there is a line. Today you've toed the line, I don't suggest you cross it unless you'd like to start a war the likes of which Constance has never seen." Another pause, as her eyes seemed to shimmer and fade. When she spoke again her voice was lighter and much less terrifying. "By the way, I adore the headband." With that she walked away. _

_During lunch, Blair had gone to Chuck for help. Since she hadn't actually had anyone to humiliate but they'd taken care of that problem and picked a girl on a list that Chuck was keeping of future destructions by sending the gossip girl blast that she had made a donation to a fund for teens with herpes 'due to her recent struggle with the disease' just before senior lacrosse captain Michael Fischer asked her out. In reality they'd made the donation in her name. After the takedown occurred, Jocelyn had met her eye across the hallway and nodded in satisfaction. That afternoon they'd gone shopping at Bloomingdales and Blair had presented the plan, a plan that Jocelyn heartily approved of. That night it was time. Blair and Chuck had shown up at Butter at ten just like she and Jocelyn had discussed earlier. When Jocelyn saw her arrive, Blair nodded that everything was in place and Jocelyn stood, pulling Viviane with her towards the bar. _

_"Come here a second Viv." Jocelyn said taking Viviane's hand and leading her away like she often did. "You know I think your hair would look better down with that dress." Jocelyn said reaching up and pulling the pins from Viviane's hair.  
_

_Viviane laughed as her dark curls tumbled down around her head as Jocelyn fixed them. "Stop it." She said still laughing. Things had been strained with Jocelyn lately, not because of something Joss had done, but because of what Viviane had done. About three weeks ago, she and Carter Baizen had slept together and she'd been terrified ever since that Joss was going to find out. The worst thing was she didn't even have a good reason for why she'd done it. She knew Carter was off limits and she knew that Carter liked to play games and flirt; as long as it stayed at flirting Joss didn't care but Viviane had been drunk and bored and Carter was there and he was horny after Joss had kicked him out of her apartment and it had just happened. _

_"There, perfect." Joss said with a smile, knowing that her face was a perfect mask of fun drunkenness when inside she was boiling over with anger and pain._

_Viviane just smiled, this was the most normal things had felt in so long. "So what's this about Joss, what are we doing over here?" _

_Jocelyn's mask changed instantly to one of anger, the storm in her eyes brewing once more. "Only my friends call me Joss and you Viviane Fitzgerald are no friend of mine." With that she met Blair's eyes over Viviane's shoulder, the signal that it was time. _

_Instantly, Viviane's eyes went wide. Jocelyn knew and that wasn't all, she'd already placed Viviane in position for a takedown. Fear shot through her. "Jocelyn please." She spoke but she knew it was already too late._

_On the sign from Jocelyn, Blair approached Viviane from behind, the Nair-tini already in hand. Tipping the glass over completely, Blair managed to pour its entire contents on Viviane's scalp. There was no point wasting it on her curls, Nair was only effective at the scalp. For good measure, Blair forced some over her forehead in hopes that it would reach her eyebrows before Viviane was aware of just what had been dumped on her. _

_Viviane turned around suddenly to see who was behind her that had dumped something on her head. At the sight of the usurping freshman that she had been warning Jocelyn about only days ago, with a darkly handsome boy behind her, she flipped back around to Jocelyn. "How could you? I'm supposed to be your best friend and you put me in position so that this little twit could pour yogurt on my head, humiliating me in front of all of our friends." _

_Jocelyn wanted to keep her talking, giving the Nair-tini plenty of time to take effect and hopefully dispose of her eyebrows as well. "I think you know why I did it. Would you like to leave it at that or should I tell everyone who you slept with?" Viviane was still too shocked to answer and began to shake her head. Something Joss was glad of, she wanted it to remain a secret that Carter was her weakness. _

_"But her?" Viviane asked flipping around once more towards Blair and the boy she thought was Chuck Bass. Viviane felt a slight tingle and begin to wonder if she'd developed some kind of allergic reaction to yogurt. "She snuck into the masked ball and she goes around conducting her affairs as though she doesn't have to answer to you."_

_"That's precisely why I chose her." Joss spoke matter-of-factly. "Someone has to fall so that she can rise. Turns out that someone was you." Jocelyn added before turning around to face the crowd of people that had gathered. "Let it be known, that those who cross me in the future will face a similar fate. No one, is exempt from this." Flipping back to Viviane she put a triumphant smirk on her face. "And that's not yogurt sweetheart."_

_Fear seized Viviane as she felt the tingle on her scalp and forehead turn into a burning sensation. Knowing now exactly what had happened Viviane reached up and wiped her hand over her head, screaming as her long gorgeous hair slid off her scalp in her hand. _

_Chuck swaggered to the front and pulled out his camera. "Smile for gossip girl." He said with a click._

_Viviane continued to scream as she realized that the Nair had coated almost all of her scalp as well as her eyebrows. She ran to the bathroom crying as the shocked crowd began to erupt in laugher and whispers.  
_

_Blair realized immediately that people were looking at her, whispering about her and the whispers were growing louder. She saw something in the eyes of everyone gathered that she'd seen from people on occasion, after all she was Blair Waldorf, but never had she seen it on this grand of a scale or with students years older than her; they were afraid of her. Slowly, she began to panic. That's when the gossip girl blast came through. And the poor girl was practically bald before she'd made it to the bathroom; something that made Blair's stomach twist with regret._

_**Gossip girl here and what an eventful night it is. V got herself into a Nair-iffic situation after crossing Queen J. But as exciting as this is, what might be more interesting is the rise of freshman Blair Waldorf. B may be young but after her debut tonight I wouldn't dare cross her and from the sounds of it, J is priming her to take her spot as Queen when she graduates. Either way this was a debut the likes of which the Upper East Side has never seen. I'll be watching you B, we all will. **_

_Without another word Blair turned and left the bar, walking quickly. _

_Jocelyn followed behind her slightly worried about the change in Blair. As she stepped outside she saw her leaning against the wall, seemingly trying to suck in air. "What's wrong? That went brilliantly and the eyebrows were an ingenious touch." _

_Blair looked over at Jocelyn with tears in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "It was just a little intense, maybe too intense. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. When we left everyone was whispering about me, about what I'd done and then this." She said holding up her cell phone. _

_Jocelyn sighed as she read the blast, she hadn't wanted it to come to this, she'd thought that Blair was stronger than this. "If you want to be part of this world Blair, people will talk and you need to decide if all this is worth it." _

_Blair looked down at her hands; doing everything she could to make them stop shaking. She wanted this, she was meant to do this, but yet she hated the feeling she had back there, that everyone despised her. "Everyone was afraid of me and those who weren't were even worse; they despised me. And I've done bad things to people, but that was over the top even for me. Nate is going to think I'm an awful person when he sees that blast." _

_And then Jocelyn knew exactly what to say to convince Blair of who she was supposed to be. "That's the thing; you need to be cold to be Queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off, so her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man, she married her country. Forget boys; keep your eye on the prize Blair Waldorf. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you."_

_When Blair, looked back up at Jocelyn, her eyes were filled with something new. They were filled with determination. She could do this, she was strong enough, and like hell she would allow herself to be bowed to someone else's will should they get Queen over her. "Okay." She said simply._

_Jocelyn relaxed, smiling. "Okay."_

Blair shook her head slightly. "She created me. Well her and Chuck because I turned out to be even colder and crueler than Jocelyn when I was Queen." Blair shook her head more violently, disposing of the memory. "So tell me how you know Joss?"

"Through you actually." Marcus said as a smile appeared on his features at the thought of the girl. "She's been studying abroad in London this past semester and we ran into each other in a coffee shop downtown quite literally as she knocked my coffee all over my shirt."

Blair burst out laughing, unable to contain herself.

"What is it?" Marcus asked, instantly curious. After all, Blair had known Jocelyn quite a bit longer than he had. It was entirely possibly she knew more about the girl than he did. What if she said something about Jocelyn that he didn't like? What if she said that Jocelyn was playing him? He had only recently gotten over losing Blair, he wasn't sure he could handle betrayal so soon.

Blair stifled her laughter, composing herself before she replied. "Let me guess, as soon as she spilled her coffee she said, 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe I just did that. Sometimes I can be so clumsy; you'd never guess that I took ballet for twelve years.' Then when you responded that it was perfectly alright, she said, 'You at least have to let me buy you another cup.' After which she enchanted you with her charming personality over a cup of coffee."

Marcus was in shock, he wasn't sure how Blair had known any of that but that was precisely what had happened, almost every single word was right on point. "Seventeen years."

Blair nodded smirking fondly at a past memory. "Right, it would be seventeen now. It was five years ago that she taught me that trick. I was a freshman in high school and she was a junior. I was sure she knew everything there was to know about catching boys and it appears she's caught you." This time it was Blair giving Marcus the pointed look. Realizing suddenly that she had caused Marcus to stress out slightly she reached out and lightly placed a hand on his arm. "Don't worry, it means Jossie thinks you're hot and totally worth her time. You have to meet at least eight out of ten first glance items on her check list to get the 'Soak to Snag'." Marcus sighed, appearing relieved and Blair continued. "Now tell me how exactly I brought the two of you together."

Marcus nodded, unable to resist a sigh of relief that Jocelyn hadn't been playing him. After losing Blair, he had thought it would be a long time before he found someone that he cared about but then Jocelyn had come along. He would have been crushed if it turned out that she was playing him all along. Marcus zoned out as he recalled for Blair, his meeting with Jocelyn.

_Marcus did his best not to look impatient as he waited for his coffee. His baseball cap and sunglasses, paired with a pair of torn jeans and an old Yale t-shirt were doing a good job of disguising his identity. It had been working to his benefit that he was relatively unknown to the paparazzi at least in his dressed down wear as he was known for his outlandish attire pre-Blair. Besides they were still getting used to the fact that Will and Harry were no longer the princes anymore as were the people of Great Britain. But it was still important that he kept a low profile for Blair's sake. He needed to work out how he was going to go about announcing the annulment before he was spotted back in London and he wanted to find Chuck before that. _

_Midterms had Jocelyn way more strung up that she normally would so she probably shouldn't be waiting in line to buy coffee but she knew if she didn't get her daily dose of caffeine, a headache was sure to ensue. Tired of studying, she needed a good distraction and as the guy two people in front of her began to place his order she decided that she might have just found one. They were in a coffee shop so 'soak to snag' could be easily instituted IF he met at least eight out of ten items on her at a glance check list. Hot . . . definitely check, confidant . . . from the way he carried himself that was another check, smile . . . oh yeah, style . . . the clothes were a little dressed down for her tastes but still fashionable so check, in shape . . . from the looks of the tight arm muscles that was a check as well, accent . . . British so check, eyes . . . covered but done so with designer sunglasses giving him another check, payment method. . . Platinum American Express a classic which meant check. No wedding band. . .he was available which was check number nine. He'd already scored a nine out of ten so she was already planning on doing the catch, when he helped a woman with a baby get the lid back on her coffee giving him the check for respect, which was of course check number 10. It had been years since she'd found a perfect ten on the 'soak to snag' scale and even more interesting, the guy had on a Yale shirt which was just an added bonus. Yes she was definitely going to be instituting the 'soak to snag' as soon as he stepped into position._

_Really it was a crime against his country that he'd picked up the coffee addiction while in the states, thought Marcus as he did his best to wait patiently for his drink. He should be drinking tea but he found coffee so much more invigorating. Finally hearing his number called, he picked up his iced coffee, taking the lid off as he turned towards the cream and sugar. A swash of blonde hair filled his vision and milliseconds later he felt an icy cool spread down his shirt. He involuntarily shivered as he moved to steady the blonde who'd bumped into him. "Are you okay?" He asked as he righted the young woman. _

_Jocelyn looked up, her eyes full of feigned surprise as though bumping into him had been complete happenstance. "Oh my goodness, I can't believe I just did that. Sometimes I can be so clumsy; you'd never guess that I've taken ballet for seventeen years." The bit about ballet was her favorite addition to the fool proof guy trap; it told the potential boyfriend three things all at once, that she was flexible, that she was poised, and that she was dedicated; which were all traits that a good girlfriend should have. _

_Marcus smiled down, his tense posture softening as he met her shockingly grey eyes, though his own were shaded. He felt an intense desire to protect the girl before him as though she needed taking care of. There was also something familiar about her, something he just couldn't put his finger on. "Oh, don't worry, it's perfectly alright. I shouldn't have turned around so quickly." _

_Jocelyn smiled up at him brightly, shooting him her most winning smile. This one was definitely a keeper. He'd scored 10 out of 10 on the first impression list, with a bonus for the Yale T-shirt. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "At least let me buy you another cup." _

_"Okay, sure. Why not?" He responded, feeling completely charmed by the petite blonde. As they stood in line, they began to chat amicably. _

_"I'm so sorry about your shirt." She spoke, looking up at him flirtatiously. Making sure to angle her body to show off all of her greatest attributes, she collected a few napkins and insisted upon wiping off his shirt._

_Marcus shook his head slightly, wondering what sort of spell this girl had cast over him. His heart was racing and he found himself suddenly very glad for his glasses which shielded his eyes from her own, giving them free reign to travel over her body. "It's fine, I'm sure the stain will come out and if it doesn't I have other shirts." _

_Jocelyn smiled up at him coquettishly."Did you attend Yale?" She asked as she brushed her fingertips across the words on his shirt while she continued to soak up the spilt coffee. _

_Marcus could feel a tingle rush through him as the blonde continued her ministrations. "I did for a while. I've transferred back to Oxford. I was only in the states with my fiancé." _

_Jocelyn stiffened suddenly. So he was engaged, of course. He was almost too perfect of a male specimen not to be. How disappointing. On the other hand, engaged wasn't married. It had been a long time since she'd gone after a soon to be unavailable man and this could be the perfect distraction to keep her sane through midterms. In the world of Jocelyn Forbes a man was fair game until 'I Do' but marriage was the one line she wouldn't cross. "Oh." She replied softly, shocked at the fact that she sounded slightly wounded. _

_Noticing the sudden change in the girl's demeanor Marcus realized his mistake and felt the unexplainable urge to correct himself; it was too soon to be thinking like that wasn't it he and Blair had only ended things a month or so ago. But he did it anyway. "No, that's not what I meant." Jocelyn looked confused and he felt it was necessary to be able to meet her eyes without the shield of his glasses so he took them off; forgetting about the threat of paparazzi. "She and I aren't together anymore." _

_His last words were almost lost on Jocelyn as she recognized the man standing before her the moment she saw his blue eyes. Her own iced coffee slid right through her hands as though she weren't touching it at all. "Oh my God. Marcus?" _

_Marcus recoiled slightly, looking around to see if anyone had heard before quietly shushing her. "I'm trying to keep a low profile." He replied eyebrows furrowing. How had this girl recognized him when all paparazzi had been unable to do so? He was about to ask but the young woman in front of him wasn't done yet. _

_"Did you just say that you and Blair were over? What the fuck happened?" She couldn't quite contain herself or her questions but she did follow his wishes as she lowered her voice. "I always thought that Blair would marry once and that would be it. Blair Waldorf a divorcee. . .how weird is that?" _

_Marcus found that her babbling only endeared him further towards the blonde yet he was increasingly worried about where she knew him from. Clearly she knew Blair, so that would mean that they met in New York. "Have we met before?" He asked rather than answer one of her questions. _

_"At the wedding." Jocelyn said with a nod; still in shock. "You and I had a conversation out on the balcony." _

_Marcus let his head tip backwards in realization. Of course. That's why she looked so familiar. "You're Jocelyn Forbes." _

_"In the flesh. Most of my friends call me Joss." She said with a slight lift of her shoulder, indicating that he could number himself amongst her friends if he so desired._

_Marcus gave a slight nod as he took her hand in his and lifted her fingers to his lips. "Well Joss, it's very nice to make your acquaintance . . .again." Jocelyn laughed and Marcus noted that it was one of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard; he liked making her laugh. _

_"So it looks like my prediction was right after all." Jocelyn spoke with a smirk. _

_Still looking at her in bewilderment, Marcus shook his head confused yet still enraptured by the girl in front of him. "What prediction?" _

_Jocelyn smiled flirtatiously once more. If he was on the market, she was definitely back in the game. "So it looks like you didn't just forget me, you forgot our conversation as well." She said pointedly before giving a teasing smile and continuing onward. "During our conversation I congratulated you, saying that you were a lucky man to have snatched such a catch from the clutches of Nate Archibald and Chuck Bass." _

_Marcus nodded, recalling the memory vividly now that she had mentioned it. They'd talked during the duet between Blair and Chuck and into the song that followed. "You told me you hadn't seen me coming, accusing me of throwing a wrench in what might have been perfect predictions." _

_"So see I was right." She said smugly._

_Marcus smiled in response. "That you were." He looked at her, almost unable to look away. She was mesmerizing, not a Blair carbon copy like every other girl who'd caught his eye recently but she possessed the same spark that had made him fall for Blair. There was an air of entitlement, mixed with a desire for control, and an affinity for manipulation present in her presence. Yet it was obvious that she had good breeding and excellent poise. Add that to the yearning to protect her that she inspired and you had an incredibly intriguing girl. _

_Jocelyn ran a hand through her hair, almost nervously. Marcus seemed to be lost somewhere else, leaving her wondering if she'd caught him quite as well as she'd originally thought she had. Of course the Blair connection did complicate things; that would have to be navigated carefully as the younger girl was perhaps the one person that could cause Jocelyn to pause and consider the possible ramifications that could ensue. Any other girl's revenge would have been something to scoff at but Blair was someone you didn't want to be going up against; even if you were Jocelyn Forbes. "So what happened with you and Blair? Why the divorce?" _

_Inhaling pensively Marcus considered the options. He could of course tell Jocelyn what had happened but it wouldn't be the smartest decision. On the other hand, having someone to talk to would be nice and she'd have to know eventually if he wanted to have any kind of future with her . . .FUTURE where had that word come from, they'd just met. Yet already Marcus knew that he wanted to spend more time with Jocelyn. Now he just had to trust that he wouldn't scare her away. "Why don't we both get a new coffee and sit down. This could take a while." _

Blair let out a sigh of realization. "Of course! Joss was at the wedding, fully prepared to step in as bridesmaid if I needed her to. She caught the bouquet if I remember correctly."

"She did." Marcus spoke, with a slight nod. He hadn't remembered that Jocelyn had caught the bouquet but it had been something that they had discussed in their time together since. It had come up along with the fact that Joss was quite superstitious. It had been the closest that they had come to discussing a future together. Neither of them had said the word marriage but he had known that they had both been thinking it. Drawing himself back from the place in his mind devoted solely to thoughts of Jocelyn, Marcus forced himself to be in the present; they still had a lot to work out. He did however, completely expect for her to talk for a while to work all of this out in her head, so he wasn't surprised when Blair took another walk down memory lane.

When Blair spoke again, she was heady with memories of a time that felt so long ago. "I'd forgotten that Joss foresaw the triangle breaking out between Nate, Chuck, and me long before we did. She said from the start that I needed to watch out for Chuck Bass."

_Blair placed a chaste kiss on Nate's lips sending him off to lunch with his lacrosse buddies before turning and heading towards the steps. She'd officially been a 'girl of the steps' since October. She'd been anxious at first, nervous even. Jocelyn's obvious favoritism towards her was something she relished yet at the same time, she didn't like the envy it inspired in the other girls who were all older than Blair. But now it was April, freshman year was almost over and she no longer held any fear when it came to the other girls; they'd all seen her in action before, they knew she could destroy them as quickly or more so than Joss. So with her head held high she made her way up the steps, past the other girls to sit one step below Jocelyn. She could have sat next to her, Jocelyn wouldn't have stopped her, rather she sat a step below as a sign of respect for the monarchy. _

_Jocelyn smiled down at Blair, forever impressed by the girl's sensibilities. "Nate's definitely a keeper, how many years has it been now?" _

_Blair tucked a stray curl back into place as she opened her fruit parfait. "To be honest, I don't actually know. He asked me to be his girlfriend when we were in kindergarten and it's been that way ever since." _

_The other girls sat there quietly eating their yogurts, none of them daring to interrupt a conversation between the Queen and her obvious favorite unless they had something truly remarkable to add. Instead it was Jocelyn who spoke once more. "Don't you ever wonder what it's like to kiss another guy?" _

_Blair shrugged her shoulder's slightly, looking up to meet Jocelyn's gaze. "Not really. Nate's it for me." _

_"Are you sure?" Jocelyn asked, sounding almost concerned. "If you'd like someone else, you know I can arrange it." _

_This time Blair shook her head rather energetically, sending her curls bouncing. "Joss I assure you, things with Nate and I are perfectly fine, wonderful even. He's the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with."_

_Jocelyn tilted her head slightly, as though examining Blair before suddenly laughing; going from serious to joking in a matter of seconds. "God the thought of only having sex with one man for the rest of my life is fucking terrifying. How can you not wonder what sex is like with someone other than the golden boy, with someone more mysterious?" _

_Blair's cheeks colored immediately. She and Nate hadn't gone that far yet. In truth they hadn't even made it past second base; she was a little scared, not that she would admit it to anyone except maybe Serena. Before Blair could say something witty and distracting Joss cut in._

_"Oh my God! You and Nate have been dating since infancy and you still haven't done the deed . . . have you?" She exclaimed, more surprised than she'd quite possibly ever been. _

_Blair recognized Jocelyn's tone of voice. She may have been surprised but her question wasn't an optional one; something that angered Blair quite a lot. Rarely if ever was she subjected to Jocelyn's authority; that only occurred when the older girl really wanted to know something. "JOSS!" She exclaimed through clenched teeth, averting her eyes to the other girls perched around them; all of whom were now leaning forward intently. _

_Jocelyn looked up as though surprised to still see the other girls there; Blair was a smart girl, of course she didn't want to talk about her personal life in front of the entire court, that was the fastest way to end up on gossip girl. With a flick of her wrist Joss spoke to the girls. "You're dismissed." When they all looked rather stunned she flicked her wrist again. "Well scurry along." _

_The girls all knew better than to ignore a direct order and disappeared from sight quickly, leaving Blair and Jocelyn alone on the steps. Jocelyn looked at Blair expectantly, waiting for the details; but found her mission thwarted once more as a darkly handsome boy sauntered up. "To answer your question my queen, dearest Blair and my best friend Nathaniel have yet to how did you say it 'do the deed.' It seems as though my best friend is not competent enough to know that when you have a beauty as magnificent as Blair Waldorf as your girlfriend that you don't deny her one of life's greatest pleasures." Chuck glanced at Blair lasciviously. "I know that I would have no qualms about ravishing her were she on my arm." _

_Blair reached over and smacked Chuck's thigh as it was as high as she could get without moving herself. "Perverted much, Bass? You are utterly revolting." _

_Jocelyn watched on with an eyebrow lifted as their banter continued. "Please Waldorf, you know you like it." _

_"I most certainly do not!" Blair exclaimed with just the right amount of indignation. _

_Chuck smirked. " I could make you like it. I could make you beg for it." _

_Blair's cheeks flamed once more. How dare he and in front of Jocelyn. "You are heinous and I hate you." _

_"Do not." Chuck said teasingly. Before toning down the smirk and straightening up slightly. "Now I'm actually only paying my respects to make sure that we're still on for this afternoon." _

_Blair nodded, realizing that the time for banter had come to an end, they had moved onward to shop talk. "Yes I'll meet you by the limo after school and we'll take care of the little problem." _

_Chuck gave a curt nod. "I'll see you then." He started to walk away before turning back slightly. "And I was serious before Nate's a lucky man to have you; he doesn't know what he's missing not having all of you."_

_Blair was almost too shocked by the obvious sincerity in his voice to comment and she was a millisecond away from letting Chuck get away with his parting statement when she snapped out of it. "Neither do you Bass. And the diference is, you never will." _

_"You say that now Waldorf, but we'll see." He replied with a parting smirk. "Like I said, one day I'll have you begging for it." _

_Blair arched an eyebrow, a hint of a threat in her eyes. "I wouldn't bet on it if I were you." _

_Chuck gave a slight shrug. "But you aren't me and I'm a gambling man. Especially when the victory is certain and the prize is so utterly delectable." With that he sauntered off, leaving Blair stewing in his wake. _

_She turned to Jocelyn furious. "Can you believe the nerve of that Mother Chucker? I mean seriously how dare he say those things to me? Nate would not be happy." If she were smart, she would tell Nate of the things Chuck said to her. Sure Nate would probably say 'that's just Chuck, you know how he is' to her face but sometime in private he'd make Chuck stop. But the truth is, that's why she didn't tell. Chuck's attentions made her feel good, wanted, something Nate had begun to fail at lately. And truth be told, she enjoyed their banter far too much for it to stop. _

_Jocelyn's grey eyes narrowed in thought before she spoke. "Watch out for him Blair." _

_Blair looked at Jocelyn, surprise replacing indignation on her face. "Chuck?" She asked slightly confused. She realized that Jocelyn must know Chuck's reputation and be worried about her, something Blair was quick to correct. "Don't worry, when it comes to me, he's harmless. He wouldn't lay a hand on me that I didn't ask him to."_

_"That's what I'm worried about." Jocelyn replied softly, concern still present in her voice. "I'm not worried about him laying an unwanted hand on you, rather I'm worried about the day you do want it; the day you do ask for it." _

_Blair shook her head. "That will never happen. I'd never cheat on Nate."_

_This time it was Jocelyn who shook her head. "Things change Blair, including your feelings." _

_Blair almost laughed. "Even if I did feel something for Chuck, which I don't, he'd never reciprocate so it doesn't matter. I do not hook up." _

_"On that I know you're wrong. If you don't see the way that boy feels about you, then you are a lot more oblivious than I realized Blair." Jocelyn spoke, her voice becoming slightly patronizing. _

_Blair rolled her eyes. "You cannot possibly be saying that Chuck Bass likes me." _

_Jocelyn nodded. "Oh yes, that is exactly what I'm saying." _

_At that Blair did laugh. She laughed so hard she ran out of air. That was rich, Chuck Bass liking her. The day that happened was the day she'd actually consider sleeping with him. In other words, never. _

As Blair finished her own walk down memory lane Marcus smiled. "Sometimes I miss those days; things were so much simpler then. I mean, that was before the baby, before you, before Chuck even. Back then I thought I knew everything that was going to happen to me, I knew my plan perfectly and I thought I was well on the way to happily ever after. God I was so stupid. I didn't know anything back then." She paused briefly, gazing at Marcus. "But then I have to think that things have a way of working themselves out." Marcus gave her an appreciative smile knowing that she was once more telling him that she had forgiven him. "So just how much did you tell her?"

"Everything." Marcus replied simply. He hadn't had much of a choice if he wanted to be close to someone. He couldn't keep the things he'd done hidden forever. Just as Blair had said that things have a way of working themselves out; secrets have a way of reemerging. The past never stays buried for long.

"You didn't!" Blair said, raising her eyebrows as she angled herself forward. That had completely thrown her. Not only had Marcus opened up to someone he barely knew about his most personal secrets, he'd told a girl he was interested in about his dirtiest laundry. Things that most sane girls would run away from; but Jocelyn never was most girls.

Marcus gave her a half smile. "I did. Well I didn't tell her about the way I treated you after we first got engaged, the abuse and the assault; both of which I'm sure I'll rot in hell for. Additionally, instead of using the word blackmail when referencing how I got you to marry me, I said that I coerced you with something very appealing." Blair found herself nodding understandingly as Marcus continued and was surprised to find that she had truly forgiven him. Yes the memories still caused her pain but she didn't feel any of that animosity towards Marcus, not anymore. "I know it's surprising but I needed someone to talk to about all of it and she was so willing to listen."

"I'm happy for you. Both of you." Blair said, with a somewhat bewildered smile. After everything that Marcus had done, she was shocked to find that she was happy for him and was okay with the fact that he was dating a friend. Even if she and Joss weren't as close as they once were, she did actually care about the girl. "So how did the 'soak to snag' turn into a relationship?"

Marcus smiled at the memory."Our coffee dates became a daily event at first because I really needed a friend that understood what was going on in my life, not just parts of it; a friend who wasn't on the royal payroll. Then it became more." Marcus looked away clearly lost in thought. "We've been officially dating for a month and I'm falling fast. It wouldn't be a problem but if I emerge from this amicable annulment with a new girlfriend the press isn't going to buy our story."

Blair knew Marcus was right, so she set her brain to work thinking of ways to work this out. There were only so many ways they could work this. She thought she had a plan but she would need people, people that she trusted, in place for it to work. "What if we purposefully get photographed with me introducing you to my good friend Jocelyn?" Blair asked, a smirk rising to her features. "That way, you two will be free to spend more time together, with my blessing of course. She is back in town for the summer right?"

Marcus nodded his head enthusiastically. "That's perfect! You are twice the PR rep as Jana and it's not even your job."

"I haven't even told you the best part." She said, the smirk still present on her features. "Dan was published in the New Yorker once before and he had some kind of summer internship with a famous author, I can get him to do the original story; that way we can be sure that everything is run exactly as we want it to be. There's another guy, Aaron Rose, who I met at my mom's funeral. His dad and my mom were apparently seeing each other around the time of her death. He's an amazing photographer, so he can shoot the pictures. What do you think?"

"I think that you Blair Waldorf are a goddess!" Marcus said with a smile.

_**

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Thursday, May 14, 2009 - Unidentified Palace Suite, NYC**_

Chuck sighed as his phone began to ring. He knew without a doubt who was calling and he had grown to depend on the moments. He hadn't seen Blair since he'd returned to New York City determined to be with her. Andrew Tyler, who was currently calling him, was his only connection to her at the moment. "Chuck Bass speaking." He spoke as though he didn't know who was on the other end of the line.

"Mr. Bass, it's Andrew Tyler. I'm calling in to give you a report on Blair."

Chuck nodded though he knew Tyler couldn't see it. "Go on." He said, since of course he'd known already why Tyler was calling. Anytime he had a phone call it was Blair; it was always about Blair.

Tyler frowned on the other end of the line not quite wanting to do his job at the moment, yet he knew that if he didn't report what he'd seen to Chuck then when Chuck found out he'd be in much more trouble than he would telling him now. So bracing himself for the impending wrath of Chuck Bass, Andrew Tyler spoke. "Marcus just left Suite 1812. He was already in there when Blair arrived. He looked happy or at least content."

Chuck's slight smile at news of Blair frosted over as he realized just who Tyler was talking about. Marcus was the man who'd taken Blair from him; the one who'd set this entire debacle in motion. What the hell was he doing back in New York? Chuck felt his blood boiling. If Marcus had laid a hand on Blair he'd kill him. "And Blair?" Chuck asked through gritted teeth.

"Is still in her room." Tyler replied. "She called the maid for turn down service a minute ago so I assume she's fine."

Chuck nodded, still frowning. "Let me know when you know more." Hanging up he lay back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He was not in the least happy about this turn of events. If Marcus was back in town it could only mean trouble for everyone involved, particularly Blair. What if Marcus had come to take her back? What if Blair had given up on them and went willingly? No, that wasn't possible, he'd listened to the iPod and he knew the way Blair felt about him and the way she felt about Marcus, she wasn't going anywhere. However, he began to think that his current course of action might not be the right thing to do anymore.

When he'd originally returned to New York, Chuck had had every intention of going straight to Blair but the entire trip back had been like a stroll down memory lane. It never came at a predictable time; only when something really needed remembering that a new memory surfaced. None lasted very long, they were all brief flashes of memory that he knew were real and not figments of his imagination by the feelings that went along with them. He remembered looking over Blair's shoulder at a group of their friends on a webcam, he remembered swimming with her in a pool each of them circling each other, he remembered seeing her in a wedding dress, he remembered dancing with her at a Gala to one of the songs from the iPod, he remembered touching her stomach accusing her of being pregnant back during junior year, and his favorite of all, he remembered kissing her shoulder on what he assumed was her seventeenth birthday. But that wasn't everything, it wasn't close. He wanted to remember before he went back to her. He wanted to go back to her a whole man, not some pathetic broken down version of himself.

So he'd gotten a suite at the Palace and was trying to stay under the radar; the last thing he needed was someone knowing that he was back. Right now he was biding his time, waiting for Blair to go out so that he could sneak into his suite and look around. He'd missed his chance earlier when she'd gone to Central Park (according to Tyler) but he'd been asleep. It turns out it was a good thing he hadn't gone since Marcus had shown up.

Right now it was simply the waiting game to get the opportunity to sneak upstairs again. He wanted to have a look around, to see if there were any clues that would trigger his memory. He couldn't help but think that if there was anywhere that would trigger his memory, his old suite was the place. Now all that was left to do was wait.

**

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A/N: So first off, I hope you enjoyed learning a little about Jocelyn. I've posted pictures of her on my profile if you want an idea of the actress I cast as her. You'll be meeting Jocelyn in the next few chapters as she's going to help close out the story, brining in a little bit of perspective. I've written most of the remaining chapters but I don't want to post them all at once mostly I want to finish the whole thing so that you guys don't have to wait on updates. **

**Reviews are adored!**

**xoxo  
kate**


	62. Coming Together

I wasn't going to post this chapter until Thursday night but I'm leaving tomorrow for California and I'll be gone until Sunday, most likely without internet. Therefore I wanted to give you guys another chapter before I left. I hope you enjoy it.

**To my reviewers:** SouthernBelle88, LovelyLydia, freak-chick-108, Krazy4Spike, ThunderChild94, ana-12, smartin555, wrightangal, CarolinaGirl21, GGfanficfan09, LitPrincess2787, and angeractress11. **I seriously love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I have an orange cat named Charlie but I do not own Gossip Girl. **

**Rated: T because I let things get smexy from time to time and I'm liberal with my language usage. **

**Thanks again to miragrace93 for the beta work!**

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Friday, May 15, 2009 - Van der Woodsen Apartment, NYC**_

Nate sat back in his chair his star burning a hole into the wall across from him, to say that he was uncomfortable would be an understatement. The room was filled with people he knew, Dan, Serena, Jenny, and Eric and Eric was the only one he was willing to talk to right now. He couldn't help but remember almost exactly a year ago when Blair had called him for help with Serena and he had gotten here to discover that she had called Chuck as well. That was when they had all hated each other. This time Blair had called them all here for her; she said it had something to do with Chuck. Blair was the only person that could have persuaded him to come here today, the only person that he would have endured the company of the others for.

Dan and Serena shifted on the couch exchanging uncomfortable glances with one another. Neither Nate nor Jenny were speaking to them and the way Eric was looking at them told them that he had taken Jenny's side as well. Serena looked at Dan, "I've had enough of this." And with that she stood and walked over to where Jenny was sitting scraping the paint off her fingernails. "Get over it."

Jenny looked up in surprise. "Excuse me." After what Serena and Dan had done to her last week, Serena had no right to speak to her like that.

"You heard me." Serena spoke sternly taking all of her pent up emotions from the past few months out on Jenny. "Now get over yourself and deal with it."

Eric placed a hand on Serena's shoulder gently but when he spoke there was a warning in his voice. "Serena . . ."

Serena's head snapped towards Eric. "Stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you." She then turned back to Jenny. "We were trying to do something nice for you guys, it's not our fault that you two were too immature to work things out from there."

Jenny didn't know what to say to any of this, a verbal assault from Serena had been the last thing that she was expecting and regardless of the fact that on a normal day she could reduce someone to tears within a few seconds she found that she was off her game. The person who did speak was a surprise to everyone.

"Hey, back off." Nate said angrily as he spun Serena around. He had acted without thinking, reacting to Serena's harsh words on instinct.

This time it was Serena whose mouth fell open in utter shock. "What?" She hadn't been expecting that, not from Nate and from the looks of it, he hadn't expected that of himself.

Everyone was frozen, staring at one another with their mouths open when it seemed that Nate came to a decision. "I said back off."

"Great now you're ganging up on me too. All I wanted to do was fix things for everyone; yet somehow I always end up getting blamed for everything." Serena shouted when really she felt like crying. Dan stood up and found himself beside Serena supporting her even if he thought that this argument might have been the most pointless one to date.

Jenny stood up herself, placing herself next to Nate, facing off against Dan and Serena. "Oh please, I'm poor little Serena I can't mind my own business and everyone's always mad at me." Jenny spat mockingly. "Well maybe if you learned to stay out of things that didn't concern you, you wouldn't have that problem." As she finished she and Nate exchanged a quick look reminiscent of the one he had given her the day she dumped yogurt on Blair's head, as though she had said it so much better than he could.

Dan stepped forward and tried to push Serena back. "Guys this is getting out of hand."

"Shut up Dan, you were as much a part of this as she was." Nate said gesturing towards Serena.

Eric stood by doing his best to act as a referee but they were making it increasingly difficult as their voices rose. The only good thing that he could see coming out of this was the fact that Jenny and Nate were working together.

All of them were so wrapped up in the argument that no one noticed that Blair had arrived and was standing in the foyer watching them. "What the hell is going on here?" Every head in the room turned towards Blair, taken aback by her entrance. She walked forward, her steps and voice filled with mild anger. "How is it possible that Nate and Chuck were able to be in the same room for hours when they weren't on speaking terms last year but I am ten minutes late and I walk in on World War III?"

All at once they all started making excuses causing Blair to roll her eyes and hold up a hand. "Stop, I don't want to hear it. Whatever it is we can sort it out in an orderly fashion not involving shouting later. Right now there's something else I need to talk to you about, so if you guys could separate and sit down that would be fantastic."

Immediately, everyone returned to the seats they had been in before the arguing had begun and Blair perched in the remaining chair. She was about to speak when someone else beat her to it.

Nate, who currently was feeling better than he had felt in months, had his chin sitting on his hand, his elbow resting on his knee. "Does this have something to do with the fact that none of us have seen or heard from you in three weeks?"

Blair's head snapped toward Eric. "You didn't tell them what I was doing?" Her voice wasn't angry this time, rather surprised. She hadn't instructed Eric to tell anyone what she was up to and in all actuality he hadn't known much only that she had a lead on Chuck that she was exploring in North Carolina, she was just surprised that he hadn't. Blair had gone to him because of everyone he was the one who she believed to care the most about Chuck and she thought that if there was anything, then he would want to know.

Eric shrugged embarrassed by the sudden attention that was directed at him. "I was busy with other things, I'm seeing someone." Eric paused as once more the faces of the room were shocked and a few of them looked actually angry. "Besides no one asked." He rationalized.

Blair could see that both Serena and Jenny wanted to say more so she took control of the situation before it became World War IV. "On the first point congratulations. Now for your question Nate, yes this has to do with where I was. You see all Eric knew was that I was exploring a possible lead into where Chuck was. I actual knew for sure before I left but I was concerned about his possible condition so that's all I said at the time."

Jenny reached over and squeezed Blair's hand. "You found him?" She paused letting excitement creep into her voice. "How did you find him?"

Blair had been contemplating for days whether or not she was going to come clean about just how she discovered Chuck's whereabouts and came to the conclusion that they were still the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, there were no secrets between them. Then when Marcus had shown up at her suite yesterday that had pretty much put an end to the debate. "I was desperate and I called Marcus to ask for help. He found Chuck for me and arranged all of my travel and accommodations so that I could decide what to do next."

Serena shook her head slightly. "So I get that Marcus is the one that found Chuck but what do you mean when you say condition? You're acting like there's something wrong with Chuck."

Blair pursed her lips this was the part she was least looking forward to. You'd think that the more she said it the more comfortable she would get with the truth but the reverse seemed to be the case. "Chuck tried to kill himself. He bought a car and drove to North Carolina where he crashed it into a tree." Further shocked sounds resounded around the room so Blair continued; knowing that it wasn't quite as bad as it sounded. "Physically he's doing fine; he was in a coma for almost a month that helped with the healing. The condition I was referring to - I assume that I use that word because that's what the nurses called it, a condition - is that he suffered some fairly serious brain damage; damage that caused some memory loss." Blair paused, needing a moment before she continued.

"How bad is it?" Eric asked, voice full of concern for the only brother he'd ever had.

Blair pulled herself together quickly. "He remembers everything, everyone, up until November of 2007. He was having trouble with names but as soon as I arrived he called me by name, all previous trouble gone."

Serena and Dan looked at one another, communicating without actually speaking, and found that they were happy. Chuck had been found and everything was seemingly okay. Serena turned to Blair. "This is great right? I mean two years of memory that's not bad in the grand scheme of things."

Dan smiled as well. "Right, and besides his memory will probably come back over time."

Jenny took Eric's hand quietly. She could see that Blair didn't find any of this anywhere near okay but she couldn't quite put her finger on why. Eric faced her attempting to communicate the feeling in his gut that there was more and saw it reflected back at him in Jenny's eyes. Neither could identify it or even really say where the feeling came from but both of them realized there was something bigger that was wrong. Jenny looked over at Nate whose eyes connected with her own. Jenny watched as the light bulb went off in the eyes of her ex as he suddenly understood what none of the rest of them had been able to comprehend.

Nate looked at Blair tentatively. It had been minutes without words and Serena and Dan were the only two who looked excited. Eric and Jenny had looked confused and Blair had simply looked sad. It had taken a glance exchanged with Jenny to confirm what he was feeling and identify just what was causing Blair's distress. "He doesn't remember you." Blair's eyes met him surprised and he could sense that others throughout the room were on him as well even if he couldn't see them.

Serena shook her head, still smiling. "Don't be silly Nate, Blair already said that Chuck knew who she was as soon as she walked in."

Nate found himself swallowing as Blair continued to stare at him with a shocked look on her face. He assumed that of all people, he was not the one that she would have thought to guess her distress. "She knows that's not what I meant." He spoke calmly as all eyes once more traveled back to him. "I was referring to the fact that Chuck doesn't remember their relationship. He doesn't remember being in love with her. He's still the womanizing playboy of Manhattan."

Blair simply nodded, as all the eyes transferred to her. When no one else spoke she knew she had to say something so she asked the first thing that came to her mind. "How did you . . .?" She asked trailing off.

Nate's smile was wistful as he spoke again. "We broke up in November of 2007. That's when you and Chuck started . . . seeing each other." He spoke finding the best euphemism possible for just what Chuck and Blair were doing back in November. "So when you specifically said November of 2007, I assumed that was what you meant."

Understanding washed over the faces of everyone in the room but it was Blair who spoke again. "He remembers everything up until the second I arrived at Victrola."

Serena was anguished, especially recalling the way she had been acting today. Blair had called them here for something that was excruciatingly important to her and they hadn't respected it in the slightest. They were the Non-Judging Breakfast Club and they were better than this. "I'm so sorry B."

Blair nodded at Serena trying to offer her the slightest of smiles, trying to seem strong and courageous; but she knew that her guard wasn't really up and even if it had been these were the people in the world that were the most likely to see through the Blair Waldorf facade.

"Do they know why?" Dan asked, always the first to look for the practical solution.

Blair responded keeping her emotions in check. "They think they do. The doctor told me that knowing mine and Chuck's complete history there is a good chance that the amnesia is somewhat voluntary." Serena, Jenny, and Nate all looked as though they were about to say something but Blair continued forward. "Before you ask, no he isn't doing it on purpose and no it's not something he can just fix; I thought the same thing." She said, meeting their eyes so they each knew that she didn't think they were acting like idiots and asking questions that were inconsequential. "It means that the amnesia isn't caused by the brain swelling that resulted from the car accident, at least not anymore. It's quite possibly the result of the trauma of our relationship. The doctor said that his brain couldn't handle any more stress or turmoil so it eliminated the cause."

No one spoke for a few moments as they tried to digest what Blair was saying. It was Eric's voice that finally broke through the silence. "In order to heal, his brain had to shut something down so it chose the thing that was causing Chuck the most pain."

Blair nodded saying nothing; more importantly, knowing that nothing needed to be said.

Jenny, who had yet to let go of Blair's hand, felt her heart smash against her chest painfully at the look on Blair's face. Chuck was Blair's life; he meant everything to Blair. Without Chuck Bass there was no Blair Waldorf, at least not really. So if Blair's Chuck was gone, there was a damn good chance that they had lost them both for good. Jenny had just gotten her best friend back; she didn't want to lose her again. "So how do we fix it?" She asked, a determination in her features that wasn't entirely out-of-character yet still surprising in the moment.

Blair bit her lip; this was the hard part. "We don't." She paused and no one spoke, knowing that Blair wouldn't stop there. "I've done everything I possibly can do, now it's up to Chuck. His mind will remember when he's ready to let it."

"What did you do?" Eric asked not an ounce of skepticism or judgment in his voice, only compassion for their current predicament.

Blair could see the kindness and wisdom reflected in Eric's eyes and had the not so uncommon feeling that Eric was older than them. "I started by telling Chuck everything and he was skeptical to say the least." She looked to Nate, a hint of a smirk on her features. "He was convinced that you and I were trying to play a trick on him and that we were still together." Addressing the room once more, she forged onward, knowing that she owed them all the truth if only because Chuck was their friend too. "He kicked me out of the hospital that day. I lost hope but after an interesting conversation came back to New York convinced to fight for him. I went to see Bart, we had it out again." She said with a glance at Serena, knowing the other's feelings for her step-father. "I basically told him that as a father he really sucked."

At that Eric snorted, imagining that Blair saying that to Bart would have been something spectacular to witness; there were so many days in which he wished he could tell Bart where to shove it and it appeared as though Blair had gotten to live the dream so to speak.

Blair smiled at Eric before continuing. "I went back to North Carolina and I gave Chuck the iPod."

"The iPod?" Nate asked, suddenly confused.

Blair was surprised, not realizing that there were very few people who knew of the iPod's existence; being Jenny's boyfriend, Blair had assumed that Nate would have been one of them. She opened her mouth, recovered from the surprise and ready to answer but found that Jenny was better prepared to do it for her.

"Of course." Jenny spoke as a smile graced her features. "That's perfect." She glanced around the room, realizing that no one else was following what she was saying and looked to Blair in question. Blair nodded encouragingly, so Jenny continued. "Chuck gave Blair an iPod for her wedding gift. The iPod details their relationship through the songs that represent their time together. Chuck's the one singing most of them and they're intermingled with heartfelt monologues from him."

Blair smiled slightly at the description; she couldn't have said it better. "Chuck wanted to make sure I never forgot us. So I thought that there couldn't be a better way to help him remember." Everyone nodded, slightly shocked at Chuck's act of pure romance. That was a side of him that Blair alone was privy too; it was strange for someone else to bear any sort of witness to it, even through words. As they continued to absorb the gift, she continued. "He kissed me before I gave him the iPod but he broke it off. Afterwards, when I put on this ring," Blair held up her finger when she spoke. "I told him that I wasn't giving up on us, that I would be waiting, and I kissed him one more time; before walking away. The ball is completely in his court, there's nothing more I can do."

Within seconds Blair's vision was clouded by a wave of golden hair as she was enveloped in a hug by Serena. "He'll remember B, he has to." And just as suddenly, her vision was clouded by something else, something far more dangerous. Blair had refused to allow herself to cry since leaving the hospital other than the breakdown she had had yesterday with Marcus. She had refused to be weak. That wasn't her; not anymore. That's when the realization hit her that being surrounded by her friends wasn't going to help her right now, it was going to make her fall apart. The pressure she was under started crashing down around her and she felt every defense she had ever built begin to crumble in the face of her friends. No, no, no, no, she couldn't afford this right now. She had to be strong, for the baby, for Chuck, and for herself. "I can't do this." She spoke as she shook Serena off, abruptly standing. Blair looked around the room, eyes darting quickly from face to face. "I'm sorry guys, I thought I could do this but I just can't. It hurts too much."

And as quickly as Blair Waldorf had entered the room she was gone; their protests falling on deaf ears. Knowing that Blair was gone, they all simply sat there stunned by the surprising turn of events. Not a one could quite digest everything that had just happened. It was Serena who finally spoke, knowing that they would each understand what she was talking about. "I'm sorry guys."

"We know." Jenny and Nate replied in almost perfect unison. Jenny could still sense a certain amount of tension in the room and knew that right now, what they each needed was some time alone to sort out what they were feeling about the current situation at hand. So she stood slowly and moved slightly towards the door. "I should go. I have designs to finish at the atelier."

Everyone nodded as Jenny made for the exit. They all understood that alone time was necessary right now. However, as Nate watched Jenny leave he was struck with the sudden urge to talk to her; away from everyone else. "I should go too." He spoke almost as an afterthought as he got up to follow Jenny out.

Those remaining in the room looked at each other with raised eyebrows; that had been unexpected. Unconsciously Serena began to smile as she looked over at Dan. "You were right."

"Of course I was right." Dan replied smugly before allowing his face to fall slightly. "Now would you mind telling me what exactly I was right about?"

Serena could hear Eric laughing to their left and her smile broadened slightly. "He does still love her."

Outside of the living room, Jenny felt her hands begin to shake. She needed to get away from everyone, if only for a while. Unexplainable relief washed through her system as the elevator came quickly, pressing the button for the lobby she found herself exhaling a breath she didn't know she was holding when suddenly a hand shot through the rapidly closing doors and Nate slid in. "Hey." He spoke quietly as he pressed the 'door close' button.

"Hey." Jenny replied, feeling her shaking suddenly cease at Nate's nearness. It was strange. In Nate's presence it was as though half of her was exhilarated, completely on fire as passion and love washed through her veins; yet the other half of her was completely still, completely calm, completely at peace.

Nate stuck his hands in his front pockets, not entirely sure what he was doing running after Jenny after everything. But that was just it, he hadn't thought at all before following her out, he had simply listened to his instincts. "So you're headed to the atelier? I didn't know you were still working there after Eleanor . . ."

Jenny bit her lip slightly but shook it off quickly. This was Nate, her Nate, there was no reason to be nervous, especially when discussing something so infinitesimal. "Died." She finished softly as Nate nodded his head. "I wasn't at first. Everyone was in shock after her death and no one knew what was going to happen with it. Blair refused to deal with it, not that she should have had to with all she had going on," Jenny amended quickly. "But as you know the company went public last year. Eleanor Waldorf Designs is a corporation not just a person so the show must go on so to speak. I got a call right after we got back from London asking me to come back to work." Jenny stated even though she thought of it more as getting a call right after they had broken up. "I'm not an intern anymore either."

"They made you a designer?" Nate asked with raised eyebrows.

Jenny shook her head slightly as they walked from the elevator. "Not yet but I am a Junior Designer which is kind of exciting. Things are really different now though. As you know several members of the design team were with Eleanor on the plane, including Laurel. The woman over everything now's name is Claudia and she's actually super nice. She likes my designs a lot and since she has final say on everything, that's good." Jenny's smile was almost rueful as she spoke again. "In all actuality everything should have to be run through Blair since she technically owns the company but as of yet she is standing by her initial reaction."

Nate found himself not wanting to end their conversation, not yet at least, and continued asking questions as they began to walk down the street, towards the atelier. "You should talk to her about it. The company is her legacy. Blair might not be one for designing herself but I know her mind is business geared. She could run things."

Jenny nodded. "I know. I really want to talk to her about it but things have been so crazy the last few months, I wanted to wait until things settled down a little."

This time it was Nate who nodded. "So what exactly do you guys do without Eleanor there cranking out designs?"

Jenny actually smiled at this. "Well Eleanor had already finished all of the designs for all of the men's fashion weeks this summer so those just need to be cut and styled. She also had plenty of things ready for Fall Fashion Week but styles change around a lot so we've had to do some modifications already and I'm sure we'll be converting more as time goes on. Eleanor had notebooks of designs she never used so there's plenty to work with."

Nate nodded once more, acting as though he understood what Jenny was talking about. When she came to a stop he found himself smiling as he realized just how much he had missed her. "Sounds like you've had your hands full lately."

Jenny smiled in return. "I have but from what I've been hearing, so have you?" Nate looked at her curiously and she continued. "With Vanessa I mean. I heard the two of you got back together." Jenny had been fishing for information and when she saw Nate's face fall she realized that Blair had been right all along; the only reason Nate was messing around with Vanessa at all was so that he could make her jealous.

"Things with Vanessa are weird." He spoke almost without thinking. However, Nate was cognizant of his sudden change in mood at the mention of the brunette.

"How so?" Jenny asked in her most supportive voice. Right now she needed to establish a friendship with Nate before they could go back to being more and if she found out information on his relationship with Vanessa in the process, so much the better.

Nate shrugged slightly. "I don't know. It's a lot of things I think. For one there's these letters I keep getting; the one's I used to think were from you. Blair told me that they're from Vanessa. I brought them up with her thinking we were going to have a fight and she just smiled at me. She had this crazy look in her eyes as she said something like 'you just realized those were from me?' It was just weird." Nate said shaking his head. He looked at Jenny, noticing the way she was looking at him and really listening, not just pretending to listen. She was looking at him like she honestly cared what he had to say. Perhaps that's why his next words slipped out. "And I don't love her, not like I . . ."

Jenny who was already alert, felt her entire being begin to hum with exhilaration. Her mind, her body, her heart, her very soul were all screaming out to her; screaming the words that Nate had left unsaid. Nate's sentence hadn't finished. "Not like you what?" She asked breathless.

As Nate stared at Jenny he felt something snag. He knew that if he finished his sentence, saying the words he really meant, there would be no going back. He would be saying that he was ready to forgive her, ready to move forwards. A balance scale in his head was tilting back and forth, weighing the pros and cons of the decision. On one level he loved her, he knew he did, but on the other he didn't know that he was ready, he was so uncertain. "Not like I should." He finished lamely as he looked away, the balance still tipping back and forth in his mind. He could see the atelier ahead and was glad to have a reason to leave. "Look, I've got to go. There are some things that I need to take care of."

Jenny nodded, trying not to let it show just how disappointed she was. "I've got to go too, I'm late." Nate was lingering and she didn't want to leave. "Thanks for walking me here." She spoke softly as she found herself giving Nate an almost shy hug. She felt a wash of cold run over her as Nate was stiff in her arms and heard herself babbling as she pulled away. "It was nice talking to you. You know that's what I've missed the most, talking to you. I miss my friend Nate." She finished seeing the conflict raging in Nate's eyes. She didn't want to do this to him, she didn't want to push him before he was ready, so Jenny turned and walked away.

Nate felt his heart slam against his chest as Jenny turned away from him and it was as though the balance collapsed, weighing fully on the side of him loving her. He reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her around and pulling her to him. "I've missed this." He said before slamming his lips onto hers.

Jenny was breathless as she found herself grabbing onto Nate, wrapping her fingers tightly in his hair, drinking in every single part of him. Her mind was numb and she could feel the blood pounding in her veins, sending electricity throughout her body. But when the electricity finally hit her mind it came alive causing her to realize just what was going on and she found herself breaking away.

"Jen?" Nate asked uncertain of what had just happened, why was Jenny stepping away from him? He still held onto her fingertips, which he ran through his own fingers as he waited on her answer.

Jenny looked down at their intertwined fingers and felt her mind working in overdrive. She looked up at Nate, whose innocent eyes were staring down at her as though she had just killed his puppy. Knowing that what she did next would hurt him she took a step backwards tugging her hand from his.

As Nate felt Jenny's fingers slip through his own he only had one word on his tongue. "Why?" He asked feeling like once more he had put himself out there again only to have his heart smashed by the girl who had torn it to shreds before.

"You're not ready." Jenny spoke softly, pain evident in her voice. "You were right before. There are things that you need to take care of."

Nate looked at her questioningly. "I wouldn't have kissed you if I weren't ready for us to be together again."

Jenny shook her head. "You may be ready to be with me physically but you haven't forgiven me yet, I can see it in your eyes." Jenny added when Nate looked as though he was about to protest. Her heart hurt only a little with his curt nod. "And technically you're still dating Vanessa. Finish things there, then when you've forgiven me, you'll be ready and I'll be waiting." With that she turned and walked away.

Nate stood there and watched as Jenny walked away from him and through the atelier doors. He couldn't have been more surprised by her reaction. He had thought that she was willing to do whatever it took to have him back. As he turned and walked toward home he realized something important. Jenny was doing just that. She didn't want him back only for a little while and that's what she knew it would be if they returned things to the way they were too soon but if she waited and gave him the time he needed then when they got back together, he would be hers for good. Nate smiled, he had a lot of thinking to do; but that could be done after he paid a visit to Vanessa he thought, suddenly changing directions and heading for the subway. He was going to Brooklyn.

**Gossip Girl here and oh how I've missed the drama. B returned in spectacular fashion just in time to prevent any major fireworks from going off between an unlikely pair of warriors, S and little J. Guess who's side N took? Maybe not who you think. Sources say things are on the mend with N and little J but we'll just have to wait and see.**

**xoxo  
Gossip girl**

* * *

As Dan exited the penthouse alone he pulled out his phone; he wanted to call his dad and check in since he'd left so early this morning. He was surprised to see that he had a missed call from Blair Waldorf. First he thought that she had been calling him earlier to say she was running late but the call had gone through at 11:17 a.m. and it was just now 11:30 a.m. which meant that Blair had called him after leaving the penthouse. Immediately concerned, Dan picked up his phone and called Blair. "Hey, what's going on? Is everything okay?" He asked quickly, wanting to ensure that his friend was safe.

Blair sighed. "So you finally called me back? Took you long enough Humphrey. And yes everything's fine, but I need your help with something. Can you meet me at the Palace?"

"Sure, I'll be there by twelve." Dan said, instantly curious over what exactly was going on. What did Blair want his help with that she couldn't have asked for at Serena's?

Just as Blair was about to hang up, she thought better of it. What if someone saw them at the Palace. The last thing she wanted right now was for it to get out ahead of time about what she and Dan were up to; assuming after all that he agreed. "On second thought, can we meet at the loft instead?"

Dan was shocked. Even though he and Blair had now been friends for almost a year, the only times that she had been to his house were on Thanksgiving junior year and when she threw the surprise party for Jenny. "My loft?" He asked, the disbelief apparent in his voice.

"No the loft of Georgina Sparks." Blair spat sarcastically. "Yes Cabbage Patch, your loft."

Dan just shook his head at her insults, she was sounding more and more like the old Blair Waldorf. "I'll meet you there Waldorf."

Blair smiled slightly forgetting how much fun it was to exchange words with Dan, he was witty but surprisingly slow on the uptake. "Great. I'll pick up sandwiches on the way."

Almost an hour later, Dan sat at the bar in the loft waiting on Blair to arrive; knowing it should only be a few more minutes. Just as he was thinking that it was taking Blair quite a bit longer to get here than it should she walked through the unlocked door.

"Hello Cabbage Patch! I see the loft hasn't changed much from the last time I was here." As she spoke, she shut the door behind her and placed the bag with their sandwiches on the counter.

Dan glared slightly knowing that Blair didn't mean anything by it, not anymore at least. "It's true Waldorf we can't all have interior decorators change the décor every few months."

Blair smirked. "Touché. Now dig in and I'll tell you why I wanted to meet privately."

Dan did as she asked, getting out the sandwiches and handing her one while waiting on her to talk.

Not certain where to start, Blair decided to begin by explaining her visitor yesterday and work from there. "So you remember how I said that Marcus was the one who helped me find Chuck?"

Dan nodded, his mouth full. At the same time, his gut began to fill with worry. If this was about Marcus, he wasn't certain that he would know how to handle the situation.

"Well, Marcus came to visit me yesterday and it seems as though we've reached a pseudo-friendship." Blair watched Dan's eyes go wide with alarm but she didn't stop talking. "Marcus needs my help taking care of something. We had the marriage annulled but we didn't announce it to the British media. The paparazzi over there are a little insane over celebrities, including the royals. Marcus was worried about how we could present our 'amicable' annulment while hiding the fact that I'm pregnant and he's seeing someone." She paused, taking in Dan's shocked features. "It turns out the someone he's seeing is an old friend, I don't know if you remember her, it's Jocelyn Forbes."

Dan wouldn't have thought that his eyes could grow any wider but at the mention of Jocelyn Forbes, the former Queen of Constance, dating Marcus, the former and apparently current royal pain in their asses they widened beyond belief. "What? How did that happen?"

Blair shook her head slightly, she probably shouldn't have mentioned Joss just yet; she knew that would bring about questions that she didn't want to take time to answer. She wanted to get this over and done with. "It's not important to our current dilemma but Joss and Marcus met at the wedding then ran into each other in London. So the issue here is, how we release news of our breakup to the press without letting on that I'm pregnant as well arranging for me to publically introduce Joss and Marcus." She paused and looked at Dan to see if he had perchance caught on to her meaning and she saw understanding in his eyes. He already knew what she wanted him to do but she went on anyway. "I was thinking that you could write the story and we could sell it to the most reputable magazine that we could manage. You've still got connections at the New Yorker right?"

Dan nodded, actually starting to get into the idea. This could work, plus it would be good for his career. "I do. I'll give them a call and offer them an exclusive on you and Marcus, I'm sure they'll bite."

"Great." Blair said smiling. "Now I have another favor to ask. I remember at my mom's funeral, you knew Aaron Rose; the photographer who's dad was dating my mom."

Dan nodded again. "Yeah, he's one of the artists whose work was featured in Dad's gallery a little while back. We're still in touch."

Blair smile brightened, that had been exactly what she wanted to hear. "Do you think you could contact him for me? Whoever does the photos for the article has to keep hidden that I'm pregnant; that can't get out right now or it will be the downfall of life as we know it because anyone connected to me will be hounded by the British paparazzi. I'm serious, they are intense."

"I'm sure he'll have no problem doing it and Aaron's a dependable guy. We can trust him." Dan said definitively. "I'll give him a call and see what we can work out. When do you want to do this?"

At this point Blair bit her lip slightly, as she was a little nervous about Dan's reaction to what she said next. "I was kind of hoping we could do it today."

Dan knew he looked as though he'd just seen something crazy even though he couldn't see his own face because of Blair's facial expression. He sighed, what Blair Waldorf wanted, she usually got. "I'll go call Aaron."

_**

* * *

Friday, May 15, 2009 - The Palace Hotel, NYC**_

As soon as Chuck had gotten the call from Tyler that Blair had left the suite and was subsequently arriving at the Van der Woodsen-Bass penthouse, he knew that this was the best opportunity that he was going to have to explore the suite without interruption. So he'd made his way upstairs, leaving behind the room service that he hadn't really been eating, and moving quickly. Regardless of the fact that he had plenty of time before Blair would be back even if she left the penthouse immediately to come home, Chuck felt an intense need to rush as though his mind wanted him to hurry up and remember.

The call yesterday that Marcus had been in the suite had left him unnerved; so unnerved that he had intervened in an area that he would have normally left alone. When Blair was plotting and scheming he rarely involved himself unless asked but this was different. Immediately after Tyler's phone call he'd placed another call, to another PI and hired him to look into what Marcus was doing in New York. When the scheme about the New Yorker story surfaced Chuck relaxed. They should be more cautious if they wanted this to go off as planned; his PI had taken no time at all to find out the connection between Marcus and Jocelyn Forbes. They needed to be careful, but just in case Chuck had taken measures to ensure that they didn't have to be. He would be careful enough for all of them. As he thought of being careful, an unexpected thought entered his mind that caused him to pick up his phone and dial I number he hadn't used since the days he could remember, literally.

Jocelyn heard her phone ringing as she stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her. She seriously hoped that that wasn't Marcus calling to say that they wanted to do a late lunch instead of an early dinner for the article since she'd allowed herself to sleep late and was just getting out of the shower. She picked up her phone quickly, trying to avoid dripping on it, but was surprised when she didn't recognize the number. "Hello?" She said into the receiver, almost cautiously.

"Forbes, how are you?" Chuck said, speaking sincerely and doing what he could to ensure that his voice wasn't overly anxious. He had reservations about letting anyone know that he was back.

Jocelyn felt the phone slip through her wet fingers and only barely managed to keep hold of it, but she knew it had nothing to do with the water on her hands. "Chuck Bass?" She asked, shock filling her voice. She might have only heard Chuck's voice a few times in the past few years but he was the only person who called her Forbes, ever.

"The one and only." Chuck replied his voice rather grim. Perhaps this was not the best idea he'd ever had.

Jocelyn thought she might fall over, so she sat down to ensure that she didn't. Chuck was pretty much the last person she expected to hear from, now or well ever. "What are you doing calling me? I thought you were you know . . . out of it?"

Chuck sighed, not particularly interested in getting into this. "I was . . . I am, ugh" Jocelyn could hear the frustration in his voice and didn't say more. "It's not important, what is important is why I'm calling. The photo shoot that you three are doing this afternoon is now for Vanity Fair rather than the New Yorker. I want you to look out for Blair, make sure she doesn't get too stressed out; Vanity Fair is a much bigger deal than the New Yorker and stress is bad for the baby."

"How do you know about the photo shoot?" Jocelyn asked, any ounce of awe she had left in her system, finding its way into her voice. "And what the hell are you talking about a baby?"

"Blair's pregnant, Marcus didn't tell you that?" Her lack of response was enough of an answer but Chuck only shrugged. The inner workings of Marcus and Jocelyn's relationship weren't of his concern as long as Marcus didn't try to interfere with Blair. Once more Chuck sighed, "Don't worry it's mine. As for the rest, I'm Chuck Bass, I know everything. And since I felt as though this scheme of Blair's is particularly delicate, I'm taking measures of my own to ensure that everything goes well, I just need you to be looking out for her. I know she hasn't been talking to her friends lately, maybe she'll open up to you."

This time it was Jocelyn who sighed. "I don't know Bass. This is Blair we're talking about. The last time I saw her crack was the night after she poured the Nair-tini on Viviane Fitzgerald's head freshman year."

Chuck shook his head, knowing that Jocelyn couldn't see him. "All I'm asking is that you try Forbes. There aren't many people I trust with Blair; you are one of the select few. You are the reason she is the way she is, you taught her to build the walls; it should be fairly simple for you to help her break them down."

"You're as infuriatingly confidant now as you were when you were fifteen years old and quite a bit more demanding . . . but I'll see what I can do." Jocelyn said in way of agreement.

Chuck couldn't help the small snort that seemed to come from his mouth. "I'd be a lot more confidant if I could remember what I've forgotten; I'm kind of sifting through the muck in my head right now." Chuck said, coming to the sudden realization that Jocelyn could help him out with something else as well. "Speaking of my attempts to regain more of my memory, I'm going to be in Blair's Palace Suite today looking for clues; make sure she doesn't come back for any reason."

Jocelyn felt like she was processing too many things at once as that statement revealed so much to her that she hadn't known. "Whoa you're in New York and Blair doesn't know? And jeez breaking and entering is a little intense even for you isn't it Bass? And speaking of regaining your memory, you happened to say 'more' of your memory, does that mean you've already recovered some?"

"I've never known you to be so inquisitive Forbes." Chuck said, his voice low as he had grown tired of this conversation, Jocelyn Forbes had that effect on him. He imagined she was likely rolling her eyes about right now.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes regardless of the fact that he couldn't see her; knowing Chuck he probably knew she was doing it anyway. "I've never had cause to ask so many before."

With one last sigh, he decided that there was really no reason not to answer her questions as she was about to do him a favor. "First, yes I'm in New York, I've been here since I checked out of the hospital. Second, it's not breaking and entering when it's my suite. Ironically, Blair's the one that broke in after I disappeared. And lastly, yes there are things that I'm beginning to remember. But it's not enough, it's not good enough. She deserves better than this, and it's my fault she doesn't have it."

"You're being too hard on yourself." Jocelyn spoke without thinking. "Go to Blair, she'll want to be with regardless of what you remember."

Chuck practically growled she didn't know; she had no idea. "You don't understand what you're saying Forbes. Over the past month I've fallen in love with Blair Waldorf all over again but we can't move on, can't move forward until I can remember, I have to come to terms with how I really feel before she and I are going anywhere and to do that, I need to remember. What I feel now, while strong isn't enough for Blair, whether she knows it yet or not. You I remember, you I can trust, so all I'm asking for is your help."

Jocelyn smiled slightly, unable to hold it in because whether Chuck realized or not he was very much in love with Blair Waldorf. "I'll do what you ask, good luck in the apartment."

"Thank you." Chuck said softly about to hang up when he heard Jocelyn's voice again.

"And Bass, if it helps at all, you always loved her. For as long as I've known the two of you, you've loved her." Jocelyn said, shaking her head slightly.

Chuck was the one who was surprised this time, of course he'd come to that conclusion himself but how had Jocelyn known? "How could you possibly know that? You didn't even know us anymore when we became involved."

Jocelyn's laugh rang through the phone. "Are you kidding? I called the two of you hooking up within two days of tapping Blair to be the next Queen. The look in your eyes as she dumped that Nair-tini on Viviane's head said everything. You were already a complete goner when it came to Blair."

Chuck just shook his head, had everyone know but them? "Just take care of her okay?"

Reaching suite 1812, Chuck hung up the phone as he realized that there was a damn good chance that his key wouldn't work. Jocelyn's comment about breaking and entering had brought that particular fact to his attention. If he were Blair he would have had it changed by now but technically the room was still in his name so she shouldn't actually be able to make changes. Thankful at this realization, Chuck confidently slid his key into the lock and waited with bated breath for the green light to flash. When it did, he took a deep breath, swung open the door and stepped inside.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The first half has been written for a long time (it was originally part of an earlier chapter) but it ended up here. Anyway, thanks for reading and there is a photo or two of Joss on my profile if you want to check it out. **

**Reviews are love **

**xoxo  
kate**


	63. Almost Isn't Enough

**La la la, only two chapters and an epilogue to go after this one! Hope you love it!**

**To my reviewers, **CarolinaGirl21, LitPrincess2787, CrazyBitch10, LovelyLydia, SouthernBelle88, smartin555, ggff-fan, HnM skinnys, tvrox12, ThunderChild94, annablake, CBBW3words8letters, and GGfanficfan09 **umm wow you guys are so amazing. Seriously you're the reason I update so quickly well you and my awesome beta ggff-fan (*hugs*)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, if I did I'd most likely fire Jessica S. (Vanessa) and have V move to Hati permanently. **

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_**Saturday, May 16, 2009 - Brooklyn, NYC**_

Blair sifted through the racks at the mall she'd had Dan take her to. It was a mall out in Brooklyn and she wouldn't normally be caught dead there, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She needed a dress for her outing with Marcus and Jocelyn but she didn't want to go back to 5th Avenue to buy something and risk getting seen when they were so close to getting this media nonsense over with. The mall did have a Nordstrom where she'd found several acceptable outfit options. Coming out of the dressing room to where Humphrey was sat, typing furiously on his lap top, she span around. "I think this is the one."

Dan looked up and the usual look of wonderment at Blair Waldorf's immaculate appearance rose to his face. She was wearing a strapless cornflower blue dress that nipped in at the waist before flaring. It was accentuated with appliqué flowers. "I'd never guess you were pregnant. And you look beautiful, yet classy. It's perfect." Dan said, sitting back from his laptop.

Blair smiled, who would have ever thought that one day she would be shopping with Dan Humphrey and not be miserable? "You know, I think I'm going to go ahead and get the others. It will give me something to wear before I have a chance to go shopping again." As Blair spoke, she felt a slight tingle up her spine and looked around warily; she knew that feeling, the feeling that there were extra pairs of eyes on her and she didn't like it one bit. She looked back at Humphrey. "Do you ever get the feeling that we're being watched? As in like right now?"

Dan looked at her surprised, he'd been thinking about the article and the pregnancy, not paying all that much attention to what was going on around them. "No, do you think we're being followed?" Something he had learned about Blair Waldorf early on was that when it came to her intuition, she was rarely, if ever wrong.

"Maybe." Blair spoke softly, looking around once more. "I just had this sudden feeling that there were eyes watching me. It's not the first time I've felt this way lately. It seems to happen every time I leave the Palace Suite. And then on our way here today, I thought that I saw a black car tailing us." Blair might have been speaking honestly but she could see that she was worrying Dan so she backtracked slightly. "I'm probably just being paranoid, worrying that the pregnancy will get outted or something."

Dan looked at her, his gaze now doubtful, perhaps Blair had a point. He'd noticed the black car this morning as well; but he didn't want to stress her out further so he made a point to return to their original conversation. "Remind me again why you can't be pregnant?" Dan asked shaking his head. He had a list of all of Blair's specifications for the story and that one was underlined several times.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Because if I'm pregnant than it _should_ be Marcus's and that would be a world of complicated that I don't want to enter."

Dan ran a hand over his head, pausing to rub his eyes which were growing tired from staring at the computer screen for so long. "But what happens when you have a child? People can do math Blair."

"Hopefully, the media won't care anymore by the time I actually have the baby. They should be on to the next big story and I can go back to being just a regular girl." Blair said, smoothing the dress down in the mirror.

Dan gave her a look that almost made her laugh. It was a strange judgmental look that only Dan Humphrey would be capable of giving. "Blair, you were never a normal girl. Do you honestly think that gossip girl is just going to let this slide?"

Blair huffed. "I know, but I'm hoping I can keep this pregnancy concealed enough that when I do have the baby we can say that I was early. The date of conception isn't clear, we know it was sometime between Christmas and my mom's funeral, which is almost a three week time lapse. I'm really irregular so that's no help, the doctor thinks it might have been as late as January 11th, which means I was just over a month pregnant when Marcus and I split and since part of the official story is that we knew it was a mistake and that I was still in love with someone else it wouldn't be out of the question for me to become pregnant soon afterwards. So as long as the baby isn't really early, we can just say that it is."

"That sounds complicated." Dan sighed, looking back down at the words on the screen as he typed bits of his 'exclusive interview with Blair Waldorf.'

Blair turned to the sales lady and handed her the rest of her purchases as well as the tag off the dress she was wearing before responding to Dan. "It is. Life is complicated." Dan didn't have much of a response for that, so Blair asked another question. "So how did it go with the New Yorker when you called?"

At that, Dan smiled. "Better than I expected." Blair gave him a look that clearly meant 'go on' but he wasn't sure how happy she was going to be about what he had to say next. "When I first said I wanted to write a story to be released in Monday's issue they laughed, loudly. More because I was calling them one day before the magazine went to press to say I wanted story space with room for six color pictures than that I, Dan Humphrey, wanted to write something, I hope. When I told them I wanted it to be the cover story they laughed so hard I thought that they were going to hang up. When I said it was an exclusive with Prince Marcus and you it got so quiet on the other end that I thought they _had_ hung up." Blair looked tense, as though she thought that the article wasn't going to happen, something that made Dan want to laugh out loud. "Then they told me they were going to connect me to higher management. That's how I ended up on the phone with S.I. Newhouse Jr.; the owner of Conde Nast Publications. If you don't know, Newhouse is a big fucking deal. . ."

Blair's eyes were wide. "I know who Newhouse is. Conde Nast owns Vogue and Vanity Fair." She waited with bated breath for Dan to continue.

Dan nodded. "Exactly and speaking of Vanity Fair, they have an issue coming out Monday and he wants to scrap the current cover article and give it to you."

Blair's jaw dropped, that was not what she had been expecting at all. "Why are you telling me this now, as opposed to I don't know, two hours ago?"

"I didn't think it mattered." Dan said with a slight shrug, even though he knew it did matter, he just hadn't known exactly how to breach the subject. "There is one thing though, since this will be a cover story in Vanity Fair, we'll need twelve photos instead of just five. They are actually blocking space for eighteen but I thought we could use wedding photos and some of the ones from last summer to take care of that." Blair nodded, doing her best not to hyperventilate as Dan continued. "There is some bad news though. They have already sold designer space for the cover so you have to wear some of these designers' clothes in some of the shots. You'll still use this dress for the meeting with Marcus and Joss but anything we shoot in studio has to be done in their clothes."

Blair nodded in shock as she felt her heart rate speed up. "Oh my God. Oh my God. This is so out of control Dan!"

Dan sighed. "I know and I tried to fight them on a lot of it. They are making compromises, they are going to let Aaron shoot all of the shots except the one for the cover which we'll do at their New York office this evening after everything else is taken care of."

"Okay." Blair said, breathing deeply as she began to pace. "This can still work, this can still work."

Bracing himself for Blair's reaction Dan opened his mouth once more. "There's more." When he knew Blair was giving him her undivided attention he spoke. "They don't just want to use it as the cover for Vanity Fair; they want to have it as the cover story for the U.K., Italy, and Spain additions as well."

Blair clenched her eyes shut, realizing that she was about to have a panic attack when suddenly a light bulb went off. Her eyes snapped back open, a smile forming. "Actually, that's fantastic." She spoke, her mood lifting immediately.

"It is?" Dan asked skeptically.

Blair nodded. "Yes, don't you see it's perfect! We wanted our side of the story to be what everyone heard and we wanted it to close off any loop holes so people would talk about it until it was talked out and they had no other stories to run on us. We thought that the New Yorker would have to be good enough to do this and then people would only have that story to report on but if our story is out internationally, people won't have anything else to comment on at all. Our story really will be what everyone hears."

Dan nodded, thinking that she actually did have a point, when something else from his conversation with Newhouse came to mind. "Would this be a good time to mention that Newhouse called me back and wants you and Jocelyn to do the cover for next month's vogue. It would be released next week while the hype is still big. He wants to play off the idea that the two of you have more in common than Marcus and focus on style." Blair looked hesitant at his suggestion so he spoke again. "Newhouse said it would be the perfect transition. This week they break the story that you and Marcus split two months ago and you introduced him to his new girlfriend. Then next week will be capitalizing on you while you are still a hot commodity and giving the people reason to transfer their attentions to her as she is the new girlfriend of the Prince."

Blair couldn't deny the logic behind the idea, it was actually perfect but there was something suspicious about it. "How much exactly does Newhouse know?"

Dan felt his cheeks redden at Blair's observation. "He doesn't know you are pregnant but he knows there is something fishy behind all of this, something that we aren't saying. He's agreed to go on contract with us that this is all he will run without our further consent if you'll do the Vogue cover."

Blair felt a thrill of excitement. Contracts were good, contracts were very good. If they had Newhouse on contract concerning this then they virtually had everything under lock and key. It was strange, she couldn't deny thinking that this sounded exactly like a plan Chuck would concoct; thorough and air tight, no mistakes. "I'll do the Vogue cover. Are we shooting it tonight as well?"

Dan nodded, feeling the relief wash over him. Blair actually seemed to be happy about all of this, so perhaps he hadn't screwed up too badly. "Yes. But while they've agreed to let Aaron do the shots for the Vanity Fair shoot, they want to see how they turn out before they agree to let him do the ones for Vogue."

Blair nodded understanding; that was of course practical. "And the writing?"

"It will be a joint article." Dan spoke matter-of-factly. "Someone else is going to be writing with me, she'll do the fashion stuff and I'll do the other. I'll have final say on everything though."

"Good." Blair said as the sales woman brought her back her shopping bags and her credit card. "Now what time are we meeting everyone?"

Dan looked down at his watch. "Tavern on the Green in exactly one hour."

"Then we'd better hurry." Blair said walking quickly from the store and hailing a cab.

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_**Saturday, May 16, 2009 - The Palace Hotel, NYC**_

Walking into the suite, Chuck couldn't seem to hold back his excitement. Everything was exactly the same, only different in a way he couldn't identify. In his memory this room was practically the din of iniquity but that's not how it looked now. The alcohol was still there behind the bar, but it looked less like the bar was a main feature of the room. There were flowers on the table, pink peonies from the looks of it. The kitchen looked as though it had actually been used to cook something from time to. He walked over and opened the refrigerator, an aspect of the suite that he could only remember using for beer and the ingredients of his hangover cures. Now it contained groceries as well as take out food.

Walking over to the television he found Blair's personal DVD collection, all of the Audrey's and Grace Kelly's, along with a few other classics, Casablanca, All About Eve, An Affair to Remember, The African Queen, Singing in the Rain, The Graduate, It's A Wonderful Life, Wuthering Heights, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Titanic, Moulin Rouge, The Notebook, The Phantom of the Opera, and of course Gone With the Wind because if Blair wasn't Audrey Hepburn she was most certainly Scarlet O'Hara. Seeing that the shelf below was filled is well, he knew it likely held her Cary Grant Collection as well as her set of Disney movies. Fingering the Breakfast Club he couldn't help but think about Blair's pet name for their group, The Non-Judging Breakfast Club, and found himself removing the movie and placing it in the DVD player. It would make good background noise for his further examination of the apartment.

Standing, Chuck continued to look over the room. The feeling that it was the same but somehow different was back and he'd finally put his finger on it. It looked like it was lived in as opposed to a hotel suite. His first thought upon this realization was whether this change had occurred before or after he'd had his car accident. Finished with the living room, Chuck made his way through the French doors and into the bedroom. It looked exactly as it always had other than Blair's cell phone charger next to the bed and a photograph of them on the bedside table.

Chuck walked to the closet, unsurprised to find that even though Blair's clothes were occupying the front half of the closet, his had simplly been pushed back. He filtered through Blair's things, recognizing some of them, but not many. Near the front of his closet he spotted his scarf, it hadn't been pushed back with his array of multicolored suits. Almost nostalgically he wrapped it around his neck before exiting the closet, pulling the door closed behind him. The top of his dresser looked quite different now as several of Blair's things were placed across it. A hairbrush, a makeup set, and a jewelry box. He knew that the jewelry box was a family heirloom, he didn't know the complete history but he knew that it involved the Astor's, whose lineage was connected to the Waldorf's, and the Titanic. This particular antique was something that had always been off limits to all of them, even Nate; he didn't know if he'd ever earned access to the magnificent antique or not but no matter how much Blair might love him he felt as though it was unlikely.

Curiosity got the better of him and he found himself opening the elaborate box in front of him. There were so many compartments, some deploying from hidden locations. Sifting through the jewelry he found what he was looking for, a particular necklace that he'd been dying to see. It was a delicate piece of silver with several charms hanging from it. Chuck reached out and touched it, fingering the heart shaped charm in the center; there was no doubt in his mind that this was the Erikson Beamon necklace that he'd given Blair for her 17th Birthday. He'd hoped that seeing the necklace would have triggered something, but no matter how long he played with the charm in the middle, nothing happened. Reluctantly, Chuck placed the necklace back in the jewelry box and closed it. The only other pieces of jewelry he wanted to inspect weren't there, but he hadn't expected them to be. The first was Blair's ruby ring, something she never took off, and the second was the engagement ring, something else he knew she was wearing.

This time when he walked back into the living room, Chuck knew exactly where he was going. If there was anything else to see, he knew where it would be. Approaching the built in cabinet in the living area, Chuck lifted the smallest candle stick, looking for the key to the lockable drawer. His heart stopped when it wasn't there. _Shit. _Where the fuck was it? Think Chuck think, did you move the key before or after the memory loss. Suddenly it hit him, the lost weekend junior year. He'd locked the watch and Babe Ruth's called shot in there and Nate or Carter one had stolen them. He'd moved the key after that. He'd kept it on him for a long time but there was no way he'd planned to keep it on him forever, it had to be somewhere. He picked up the various items on the counter but found nothing. Would he have separated the key from the cabinet? An unlikely thought crossed his mind, but it was all he had to go on, so Chuck walked back into the bedroom to the photo frame he'd seen earlier that contained a picture of him and Blair. He opened the frame and sure enough there was the key; perchance he knew himself better than he thought.

Back in the living room Chuck inserted the key into the drawer and turned it. He had absolutely no idea what he might find and the thought was unnerving. Looking in, it seemed that the drawer contained more than he ever remembered placing there. There was a folder, what appeared to be a photo album, a stack of letters, a small box, an iPod, and on top of it all a note. He lifted the note first, surprised by what he read.

_Jenny, If you're reading this it means you've done quite a bit more digging than I anticipated. Make sure everything in here goes where it belongs when the time is right.  
C Bass_

Chuck was puzzled, why had he written that note to Jenny rather than Blair. It took him a few minutes to remember that at the time he left he thought that Blair was moving on with Marcus for good, he'd had no idea that she was on her way back to New York. Placing the note on the counter he withdrew the photo album and the letters, saving them to look at later. Next he pulled out the iPod; turning it on he realized that it was a replica of the one he currently had in his possession, the one Blair had given him, only this one didn't have the songs that Blair had added near the end or her voice, it was just him. He set the iPod down with the note to Jenny and pulled out the folder, surprised at what he found inside. First there were college acceptance letters, not just for him but for Blair. For him there was one from Columbia and one from NYU, clearly he'd anticipated staying in the city. Yet there were also two for Blair, Columbia and Yale. It was strange as he could have sworn that Blair had said something about only having been accepted at Oxford. He must have applied for her; that was surprising, he had even been surprised that he had applied to college himself. Next he found a deed to a house, Blair's house. Once more Chuck knew that this shouldn't have been possible. Hadn't Blair sold her mother's house after the funeral? So not only had he applied to college for her, he'd also bought her house. The last set of papers in the folder were warranties for various items of jewelry, the Erikson Beamon necklace and matching pieces, a Tiffany headband, and Blair's engagement ring, as well as a certification of antique status for another ring that he recognized even better than the others, his mother's wedding ring.

He now knew exactly what was in the small box but he opened it anyway. He didn't know when or how it had happened but Chuck had indeed procured his mom's wedding ring. He could only assume that he'd done so with the intention of putting it on Blair's finger one day. Closing the box he put it and the papers back in the drawer but he kept the letters and the photo album, walking over to the couch where he sat, prepared to stay there for hours if he needed to in order to sort through these items. Even then, he couldn't deny that he felt a pang in his heart that he had yet to remember anything; though as he selected a letter from the top of the stack he reminded himself that there was still a chance that something might be triggered. He wasn't done here yet; not by a long shot.

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Saturday, May 16, 2009 - Central Park, NYC  
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Walking through Central Park, Marcus and Jocelyn were careful not to touch. The likelihood of someone recognizing him here of all places was slim, especially with his shades on. He looked at her, the smile slipping off his face. "Now you're certain that you're okay with this?" He asked for probably the thousandth time.

Jocelyn sighed exasperated. "Yes Marcus, as I've told you over and over again, I am okay with this. In fact I'm more than okay with this. I want us to be able to be together in public and for that to happen something like this has to go down first." Besides, if I don't do this, Chuck Bass might have me murdered…she added silently to herself.

Marcus still wasn't smiling as he stopped on the sidewalk and turned to face her. "I know what you've said Joss but honestly this is rather major. Especially now that this isn't just for the New Yorker, this could turn your life into a media circus. We can find another way."

This time Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "My grandfather is Steve Forbes, CEO and Chairman of_ Forbes, _consequently I am the great-great-granddaughter of BC Forbes, the man who founded the family business. The men of my family have spent their entire lives thrusting themselves into the media, they don't know any other way, which means I've become rather good at dealing with it. Everything will be fine."

"Okay." Marcus replied softly, always surprised by how quickly she could calm his nerves. "If we are going to go through with this there are a few guidelines we should stick to. First, don't ask Blair about the pregnancy, not in public at least, we need to keep that quiet. Second, don't ask Blair about college as that is a point of contention due to my interference in her life. Third, do not under any circumstance ask Blair about Chuck Bass."

Jocelyn huffed, blowing a piece of blonde hair away that had gotten caught in her gloss. It was as though Marcus was doing his best to make it difficult for her to do as Chuck had asked. He hadn't even told her about Blair's pregnancy until he'd told her not to ask about it earlier in the day. "Fine. Though I don't see why I can't ask about Chuck."

Marcus sighed. "Joss we've been over this; Chuck is currently missing in action, even after Blair did everything that she could to get him back. Asking her about him is only going to cause trouble."

Sighing, Jocelyn nodded in agreement, all the while wanting to scream that Chuck wasn't missing, he was in New York City being Chuck Bass and manipulating this entire operation. "Alright, well I suppose I'll go on to Tavern on the Green from here while you go meet Blair." When Marcus looked tense at the mention of her leaving she placed a hand on his arm. "Marcus baby, it will be fine; Blair and I are pros at this sort of thing, we have this all under control." As Marcus walked away, Jocelyn couldn't help but wonder if she had anything under control at all.

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A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed my twists and turns. I know this chapter was a little short but the next one is super long and super special to make up for it. By the way, Blair's sundress is on my profile under The Games We Play Extras and I still have a poll up if you haven't voted.**

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo  
kate **


	64. Tomorrow's Another Day

**Not going to lie guys this is a major chapter! Several of the events you've been asking me for are about to happen that lead up to the grand finale in the next chapter. So I hope you have fun with this one :) Happy ending is only a few thousand words away! I must warn you that I'm about to head back to school so I'm going to be a little busier than I have been. **

One Note: I do suggest listening to Enrique Iglesias's Addicted when you read Chuck's scene. I was listening to it when I wrote and something about the writing fits the grove of the song.

**To my reviewers:** GGfanficfan09, CrazyBitch10, SouthernBelle88, tvrox12,LitPrincess2787, ggff-fan, CarolinaGirl21, LovelyLydia, ana-12, CBBW3words8letters, annablake, and Taiyo To Tsuki No Megami. **You guys are absolutely incredible. Thanks so much for the reviews, I adore them!**

**Special thanks to ggff-fan for beta'ing this chapter for me. 3 you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. But I do own a mild obsession for Vitamin Water just like the show. **

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_**Saturday, May 16, 2009 - Brooklyn, NYC**_

Sighing slightly, Nate walked into the Humphrey's Art Gallery. He knew Vanessa was here working . He just wanted to get this over with. Luckily the café was empty so he wouldn't have to deal with breaking up with her in public. This was ridiculous, what had he gotten himself into in the first place hooking up with Vanessa to make Jenny jealous; it was all a bad idea from the start. Now, if he wanted to move forward with Jenny he had to end things here first. "Hey." He spoke, mustering up all his confidence as he came and sat before Vanessa at the bar.

"Nate!" Vanessa spoke, a mega-watt smile appearing on her features. "I'm so glad you stopped by! Today's been so slow and I've missed you."

Nate couldn't shake the feeling that she was almost too happy to see him. It weirded him out. "I was actually hoping we could sit down and talk for a while."

Vanessa continued smiling brightly. "Of course. It's almost time for me to close up anyway, twenty minutes early won't hurt." She said as she walked around the bar and flipped the sign on the window. "So what'd you want to talk about?" She asked, taking a seat next to him on the bar. Immediately, she reached over and placed a hand on his. "Gosh, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

She was making this easier by the minute, Nate thought to himself, slowly extracting his hand from under hers. "Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

Vanessa's brow furrowed and the smile slipped slowly from her face. "What's going on Nate?"

Nate could hear the distress in her voice and whilst he didn't want to cause her pain, it was time this ended. "I don't really think we should be seeing each other any more."

"What?" Vanessa asked, alarm filling her voice. "Why?"

This was the part that Nate was dreading the most, he knew this would likely ruin whatever friendship Jenny and Vanessa had left. "I'm still in love with Jenny." He spoke directly, he at least owed her a straight answer.

The fire that filled Vanessa made her want to scream and throw things but she forced herself to remain calm. After all this time, all the love letters and the devotion from her and the lying and cheating from Jenny, he still only wanted Jenny. "Get out." She said, her voice dangerously low.

"I'm sorry." Nate said as he stood from his bar stool. Walking from the coffee shop he could hear Vanessa crying. He wished there were something he could do to comfort her but he knew that right now the best thing for everyone was if he simply walked away. As he left the Gallery, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was only one place he wanted to be right now, so he picked up his phone and dialed.

As Jenny saw the caller id on her phone, she couldn't help the rush of happiness she felt. "Hey Nate, what's up?" She asked, doing her best to keep her voice nonchalant.

Nate inhaled contentedly, just the sound of her voice made him happy. "Not much, where are you?"

"I'm on my way to Serena and Eric's. Dan's going to be out all night working on this thing with Blair and Marcus. . ." Jenny said, trailing off as Nate realized that she'd just said Marcus.

"What!" Nate asked bursting in. "What do you mean Blair and Marcus? What's he doing in New York?"

Jenny found herself giggling slightly at Nate's reaction. The only one that had been stronger was Serena's. "Don't worry, Blair's fine, everything is fine. They are just doing a little media blitz to announce their split. And apparently Marcus has a new girlfriend, one everyone appears to already know."

Nate breathed a sigh of relief, the last thing they needed was Marcus back in their lives. "Who's stupid enough to get involved with Marcus?"

"Jocelyn Forbes." Jenny said a smug smile on her face because she knew that once more Nate was going to be thrown for a loop.

Nate shook his head. "No way. Joss would never go for . . . " Nate trailed off, considering the situation. "Okay, so maybe Jocelyn would." He spoke, beginning to see that Marcus and Jocelyn could be the perfect match; each of them had a twisted sort of perversion about them in the way they looked at other people; besides they'd both always found themselves to be outside of the rules. "So Sunshine's hooked herself a Prince huh? I hope she knows what she's doing."

Jenny found herself nodding on the other end of the line. She didn't actually know Jocelyn personally but she knew enough to know that Nate was probably right. Jocelyn was enough like Blair to be able to handle Marcus. "From what I heard, I think she knows exactly what she's doing. Dan says they're cute together."

Nate found himself rolling his eyes. He didn't want to imagine Marcus being cute with anyone. "Hey, do you mind if I come over?" He asked, knowing he was changing the subject.

"That's fine. We're ordering in Thai food." Jenny spoke, trying her best to contain her excitement that Nate actually wanted to be around her.

Nate smiled. "Sounds perfect. I'll see you in a bit."

As Jenny hung up the phone, she couldn't resist doing a slight happy dance in the middle of the street. Things were finally getting back to the way they were supposed to be.

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Saturday, May 16, 2009 - Central Park, NYC**_

Finally arriving at the entrance to Central Park, nearest to Tavern on the Green Blair checked her compact quickly, not failing to notice the car in the reflection once more; she just couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. "Here goes nothing." She said towards Dan before hurrying out of the cab with him hot on her heels.

As they stepped out, Marcus was there, holding the door and assisting her; a bright flash of light alerted her to Aaron's presence as well. Going along with the plan they'd rehearsed Blair wrapped her arms around Marcus's neck and hugged him, smiling all the while. Pulling away she kissed his check before leaning back in to another hug, while Aaron continued to snap photographs from all angles. They began to walk through Central Park, smiling and talking amicably with one another though not touching; neither wanted the photographs to tell the wrong story.

Coming up on Tavern on the Green, Blair spotted Jocelyn instantly. Her blonde hair the color of honey bathed in sunlight and her grey eyes so light they almost appeared blue, which would have been a perfect match for her polo T-shirt dress. Approaching Jocelyn she smiled brightly kissing the girl on each cheek before taking the girl's hands in hers as though she were looking her over, which in fact she was. "Joss, it's been too long."

"It truly has!" Jocelyn replied with a smile because in truth she had missed Blair Waldorf. The girl was as much a little sister to her as she'd ever had.

Blair then turned to Marcus, she knew that this was the important part this is what had to work out and it had to look just right in the photographs. She spared a quick glance at Aaron who encouraged her to proceed with a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. Placing a hand on Marcus's upper arm she made a show of introducing him to Jocelyn who reciprocated perfectly. Joss turned on her charm just as she had that day in the coffee shop.

They sat through their early dinner together; Jocelyn's chair purposefully closer to Marcus's to give the appearance of familiarity. Truly New York was the only place that they could get away with this. Any other town, people would have been looking around to see what the fuss was about as they had a photographer following them around but the same was true for three other tables at Tavern on the Green. They actually blended in.

Once dinner was over and they began to walk back out of Central Park, Jocelyn locked her arm with Blair's while Marcus walked along a step behind them. "So my little ingénue how are you?"

Blair looked at Jocelyn and smiled ruefully. She knew that Joss's question was purposefully loaded as she was well aware that Jocelyn already knew the details of her personal life. She was actually asking Blair how she was handling things and she wanted an honest answer. "I'm not sick anymore." Blair said softly, knowing that Jocelyn would understand that she was referring to morning sickness, "and this whole debacle has given me something to think about other than Chuck, which has actually been good for me."

Jocelyn nodded, well aware that she was technically breaking almost all of Marcus's rules of conduct at the same time. But she'd given Chuck her word that she would try. The strange thing was that it didn't seem nearly as difficult to get Blair to talk as Chuck had seemed to think it would. The walls weren't quite so sturdy as they once were. "So still no word from Bass?" She asked, her voice full of empathy.

"No." Blair replied curtly as she broke eye contact. "Not a word."

Jocelyn reached over and brushed a lock of hair behind Blair's ear before speaking quietly. "You are the strongest person I've ever known and whether people know it or not, you're also one of the best people I've ever known. You deserve so much and I have complete faith that you'll get all of it. He'll come back."

Blair smiled. Joss was truly her mentor. The older girl had always known just what to say. She was about to respond when Aaron approached them.

"Hello ladies." He spoke, tilting his head in a mock bow.

Blair smiled up at him. From what she'd heard recently, Aaron had almost ended up as her step brother. It was funny to think that she'd been so close to being related to him when she'd spent more time with him today, than she had in all the time their parents had been dating. Truthfully she hadn't even known her mother was seeing someone until the funeral, she'd been too caught up in everything else. "So where to next Mr. Rose?"

Aaron returned her smile. Blair Waldorf was a fascinating creature, as was her friend and whether she knew it or not, she was doing him a major favor with all of this. To be printed in a magazine such as Vanity Fair and being given the opportunity to earn a spot in Vogue was a huge deal . "I thought we'd go to Barney's where the two of you could pick out new outfits and we'd take a few pictures of you shopping around afterwards before you each got some coffee at Fred's Diner."

"That sounds perfect." Blair spoke with a smile. Blair pulled out her phone about to text Jenny and let her know that she probably wouldn't be making it over at all tonight. "Shit, my phone is about to die. We're going to have to run by the Palace so that I can get my charger."

"No!" Jocelyn spoke forcefully without thinking how that might sound; but she couldn't let Blair go back to the Palace, not right now. "Let me see that phone." She said reaching over and taking Blair's cell from her hands. Looking at it briefly, she picked up her own phone and dialed Chuck, crossing her fingers that this would work. Hearing Chuck say hello, she quickly began her spill. "Hi this is Jocelyn Forbes, Ms. Waldorf is going to need a charger for the Verizon Blackberry Curve delivered to the set of the photo shoot this afternoon." Hearing Chuck's acquiescence she immediately hung up rather than risk Blair hearing his voice. "There, now it's all taken care of." She spoke as she handed Blair's phone back.

Blair shrugged slightly. "Thanks, but you didn't have to do that. I don't even know who you called."

Jocelyn smiled. "Ahh but I wanted to darling. Why do something yourself when you can make other people do it for you?" She spoke, purposefully avoiding Blair's question concerning the identity of whom she called. If Blair didn't ask directly she wasn't going to answer, that way there were less lies to keep track of.

Blair smiled and turned to Dan. "Since my phone's dead can you take care of the Gossip Girl blast?"

"It's already done." Dan said, returning her smile. Moments later their phones began to beep.

**B, and M, and J oh my! And by this we mean Queen J. Our long lost comrade seems to be back and stirring up the pot faster than you can say Prada. B and M were seen gallivanting in Central Park (was I the only one that thought that relationship had evaporated into thin air?) before having lunch with J at Tavern on the Green. It looks as though B was setting up her ex-hubby with none other than our former Queen. My how the tables do turn. And that's not all the juicy gossip I've heard, it seems as though eNVy has called it quits and N is on his way to see Little J. Sounds like my earlier prediction was right on target. It appears as though our two months of boring have come to an end and I for one couldn't be happier.**

**XOXO  
Gossip girl **

A few hours and a few outfit changes later, the entire party arrived at the Vanity Fair headquarters for the photo shoot. Dan stood by on set, discussing the article with the editor and making a few minor changes, while Aaron worked with the photo specialist and later the editor on which photos they were going to use. On the other hand, Jocelyn, Marcus, and Blair were in make up, getting ready for the series of cover shots as well as a few more for the articles. Each of the Vanity Fair covers were to have a different shot featured, using a slightly different concept for each. In each cover, Blair's attire was changed from Diane Von Furstenberg, to Monique Lhuillier, to Michael Kors, and finally Missoni. The US cover was to be a shot of a smiling Blair on the back of Marcus, with her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. The UK cover featured Blair and Marcus smiling with her back against his chest and his arms around her. The Italian cover was to be a photo of them sitting down, back to back and the Spanish one with him facing the camera straight on while her body faced him, but with her hand on his chest, and her upper body turned to look at the camera. Even with the different poses, each headline conveyed approximately the same message: The marriage was finished but they were still friends.

Looking at the finished products Blair found herself partial to the UK cover's photo but she liked the US headlines better. These headlines read, _**Royal Marriage Annulled and They Couldn't Be Happier, **_followed by smaller headlines underneath including, _**Exclusive interview with Blair Waldorf and Prince Marcus about their unexpected marriage and quick annulment**_, as well as_**, Staying Friends With an Ex Can Be Easy, **_and _**Prince Marcus's New Girlfriend a Friend of Blair's. **_Overall, it seemed to have the perfect coherent effect. She didn't mind the others though, except perhaps the Italian one which seemed to ride too much on the idea of fairy tales. When she saw each of the final issues' contents she couldn't have been happier, everything was perfect and their plan had gone off without a hitch.

_**

* * *

Saturday, May 16, 2009 - Van der Woodsen-Bass Penthouse, NYC**_

Nate looked over at Jenny who was wrapped snuggly in a blanket on the couch and couldn't stop the smile that rose to his face. This evening had been normal, the most normal that anything in his life had been in months. They'd all sat around eating Thai and watching movies, action since Blair wasn't here to insist on the classics. It didn't take much to make Nate realize that this was what he wanted, time to spend with his friends, time to spend with Jenny.

Everyone else had gone to bed a few hours ago but she and Nate had stayed up watching another movie. They were planning on sleeping in the media room anyway since neither felt right sleeping in Chuck's bed and Nate didn't feel like going home this late. Jenny knew that he was watching her right now as the end credits rolled on the Bourne Ultimatum. "So are we watching another movie, or are you ready to go to sleep?" Jenny asked, breaking the strange stillness that had settled between them.

Nate rested his head back against the couch. "Do you think we could just talk for a while?"

"Sure." Jenny said, with a small smile. What she'd told Nate earlier wasn't a lie. She'd missed talking to him more than anything. He was one of the few people who seemed to really get her.

Nate had thought, or at least he'd hoped that Jenny would say that, but after her refusal earlier on the street he hadn't really known for certain. There were so many things that he found he needed to say to her. "I broke up with Vanessa today."

Jenny's eyes went wide. When she had named that as part of her requirements for them to be together again, she hadn't expected him to manage to do it quite so quickly. "Already?"

Nate nodded. "Things have been over there for a long time." He inhaled, knowing that he was about to make a fairly large admission to Jenny. "I was only hooking up with her to make you jealous."

Jenny couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face, sure she'd surmised that much herself by now but it was still good to hear it from him. "Well it worked." She said with a lift of her shoulder.

"Good." Nate said, sounding relieved and at the same time like a stubborn child. Both of them were laughing within seconds, neither seeming to be able to stop.

Finally catching her breath, Jenny spoke. "You know, I really am sorry, for everything."

Nate looked over at Jenny, meeting her eyes. "I know. But really the only thing you should be sorry for is keeping it from me for so long. You should have told me what happened with you and Chuck so much sooner."

"I know." Jenny said, echoing his first statement. "I was scared." It was the truth, she'd been terrified of losing him and now that she'd been through that, she was even more terrified of never getting him back. "What I did with Chuck was wrong and it was eating me up inside and I just didn't want to lose you."

Nate couldn't say that she shouldn't have been scared, as much as he might have wanted to. He was the one who'd chased her into Chuck's arms, just like he'd chased Blair the year before but he knew that his reaction wouldn't have been an easy one to handle, even if she'd told him immediately. "I pushed you to what you did with Chuck. I never dealt with my feelings over Blair."

Jenny shook her head, picking up the second Nate's sentence finished. "But I should have known that what you felt for her was in the past."

"Why?" Nate asked with a shrug. "I never gave you reason to."

Jenny closed her eyes, her heart pounding furiously. "Yes you did. Every single day you showed me and told me how much you loved me. I was just so insecure. I thought I didn't compare to Blair."

Nate who was fully facing Jenny now, reached over and brushed her hair behind her ear, tracing her jaw. "You don't have to compare to Blair. For me you're perfect."

"I love you." Jenny said, her voice pained as though the words hurt to speak them.

Nate lifted the blanket Jenny was wrapped in and slid next to her, pulling her to him in a tight embrace. "I love you too. And I forgive you."

Jenny's eyes looked up and met his, seeing the truth there. She didn't know how but something that had seemed to be warring inside of him this afternoon was suddenly so still. For a moment she thought that she would kiss him but decided that now was not the right time. Right now everything was perfect, there was no reason to change anything. So instead she tucked her head into his chest and inhaled deeply.

Nate leaned his head forward and placed a gentle kiss on her head. Within a few minutes both were sound asleep.

_**

* * *

Saturday, May 16, 2009 - The Palace, NYC **_

Chuck looked up at the TV screen in front of him, his eyelids growing heavy. Scarlett had just created a dress from curtains and was trying to swindle Rhett Butler's money. Chuck could identify with Rhett, forever chasing the one woman he wanted, the one woman he'd be willing to settle down for. It was a movie he'd seen before, though he wasn't sure when; he knew it must have been with Blair. Chuck sighed. He'd been sitting here for hours, only occasionally moving to change the movie. He'd read every letter and looked through the entire photo album. There were photos there that hadn't been on the iPod; but here he still sat, remembering nothing more than he did when he got there. Except that wasn't entirely true. He'd gotten a flash earlier in the day of watching Nate and Blair kiss, in which Blair looked up and met his eyes.

_**Have I told you how good  
It feels to be me  
When I'm in you**_

He groaned in frustration and turned off the TV. Looking longingly at the bar, he finally decided he couldn't resist the pull of such exquisite scotch. He'd been avoiding it all day, believing that drinking might pollute his mind and prevent him from remembering. Pouring himself a glass of the amber liquid, he took his first sip, relishing the way it burned his throat. He stood there like that for a few minutes, casually sipping the liquid from the tumbler. When he reached the bottom of the glass, his first instinct was to refill the glass and continue to drink himself into oblivion. He chose instead to set down the glass and go to bed. There was nothing more to do here.

_**I can only stay clean  
When you are around  
Don't let me fall **_

Walking into his bedroom he saw something on the floor that he hadn't seen before, one of his button down shirts. Lifting the fabric he had the distinct sensation that Blair had been sleeping in his clothes. The thought made him smile as he pulled on one of the robes from his closet and climbed into the bed. Jocelyn had texted him earlier saying they wouldn't be done with the photo shoot until six or seven then they were all going for breakfast; so he didn't have to be out until eight. Laying his head down on the pillow, Chuck could feel the disappointment radiating through him. He'd thought that exploring the suite was the answer but he'd come no further today than he had the past few days; the suite was not the key to his memory. He turned his head into the pillow, about to allow his tired eyes to shut when he caught a whiff of something; something lavender. The scent caused a tugging deep in his core as though his body were responding to it.

_**If I close my eyes forever  
Would it ease the pain,  
Could I breathe again?**_

Chuck buried his face in the pillow and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes tightly. It was like a shock to his senses, a shock to his whole body; it was Blair, the key to everything was Blair. No sooner had he really smelled the scent before the memories began to rush through as though he were fast forwarding through a movie of their relationship.

_**Maybe I´m addicted  
I'm out of control  
But you're the drug that keeps me from dying.**_

_Thanks for the lift home, you were amazing up there, you sure? _The limo, the scent the taste, invaded his being as his memories continued to flash through his mind.

_Do you like me? Define like. Something this beautiful deserves to be worn on someone worthy of it's beauty. _That kiss he'd placed on her shoulder as she intertwined her fingers with his.

_**Maybe I'm a liar  
But all I really know  
Is you're the only reason I'm tryin'**_

_Is that what I am to you . . . Just an accessory? On him yes, on me you'd be so much more. _Blair's red tights, her lips tugging on his. The way her body felt in his hands. Nate interrupting.

_This thing between us, is over, for good. BLAIR! _Her retreating back, in that beautiful silver dress at Cotillion after he'd screwed everything up.

_Enough with the blackmail, aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever. I didn't say forever, just until the sight of you two together doesn't turn my stomach. Don't you have someone else you can torture? Yes but I choose you. _Memories that weren't on any kind of iPod, ones that had no trigger.

_**I'm wasting away  
I've made a million mistakes  
Am I too late **_

_I'm not pregnant. So goodbye mistake so far in my past I can hardly remember it. You cannot be serious. You can't be touching me. Look if you were going to tell Nate you would have done so in Monaco but you don't want him to hate you. Game over. Game's not over until I say it is. Have fun playing with yourself. _And with each memory came the feelings, in this case, it was the hurt and the pain at her rejection. She'd pushed him so far that he'd gone over the edge.

_You're like one of my father's Arabians, rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would. _Some were memories he'd rather forget.

_I slept with him in the back of a limo. Several times. _And some he wanted to relish.

_**There's a storm in my head  
And it rains on my bed  
When you're not here **_

_Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us. I still have the scars on my back to prove it. You know they say when you love something you set it free. They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face. I love it when you talk dirty Blair._

_Lets take it slow this time. Do it right. Chuck Bass is a romantic, who knew? Now you do and that's what matters. _Some he would replay in his head over and over again if he had the choice.

He remembered leaving her to go to Tuscany alone, trying to see her and her fathers not letting him and the long miserable summer without her.

_**I'm not afraid of dying,  
But I am afraid of losing you**_

_You need to know that I'm not giving up. I'm not going anywhere. If you want to be with Lord Marcus, that's fine but I'm not going to crawl away with my tail between my legs like I did last time. I'm going to fight for you, and Blair, I'm going to win._

_I thought if I could prove to myself that I didn't love you, then I wouldn't lose you. I know that it's backwards but I've never let myself love someone before. But Blair I love you, I love you so much that I can't be without you. _God he loved her, he loved her so much it hurt.

_What do you say we continue this upstairs? Now that wouldn't be behaving now would it? I want to be with you Blair. I want to make love to you. Normally, I would race you there; however, Roman's mother is in the room between ours so my dad asked me to keep it chill for one night. Oh I can be very quiet. She would never know. CHUCK stop it. . .the point is, I can't be quiet. You know me. _That had been at Christmas when Harold had asked them to hold off on the sexual activities for one night and somehow they had managed to do so. He could still fill that want and desire invading his senses and the love, so much love.

_**Maybe I'm addicted  
I'm out of control  
But you're the drug that keeps me from dying**_

He had his memory back, all of it. The good the bad, the best, he thought as his proposal came to mind. _Blair I love you. You are the only person that I've ever said that to. I've always thought that I would be a bachelor for my entire life. I didn't want to have to deal with being tied down to one woman. No woman was ever worth the promise of fidelity but something's changed and now I can't even imagine being with someone else. On your wedding day, I would have given the world, to change places with Marcus; to be the guy that you said 'I do' to. I though that I had lost you and now that I have you back, I can't let you go; not now, not ever. So I'm asking you to give me the greatest Christmas present of all and marry me. I love you and I don't care who the law says that you are currently married to. That doesn't matter to me. The knowledge that you would have chosen me, that you would have married me is enough. _

_**Maybe I'm a liar  
But all I really know  
Is you're the only reason I'm tryin'**_

_We'll run forever if we have to. He's not going to find us Blair; I swear to you. _Chuck remembered them trying to run and failing. He remembered the intense emotion of the moment. The intense emotion that came from that failure.

He remembered the agony of Blair's mother's death and the grief that followed as he forced down her walls only to have her leave him again. But none of that compared to the abject agony he felt when Blair ended things for good and he realized that he couldn't live without her. _Blair ended things, for good. Now any reason I would have had to be a better person than I was is gone and I'm done trying._ When he'd told Jenny that, he'd thought he'd hit his lowest low but that would come a week later in the church when he'd prayed to his mother to save him.

_**When you are lying next to me  
Love is going through to me  
Oh it's beautiful**_

His eyes snapped open as he sat up in bed, he was gasping for air. It was as though he'd been drowning, unable to breathe, unable to see, but someone had suddenly jerked him out of the water and placed him on the beach. In some ways it was true. Without Blair he had been drowning. She was his everything and that he'd forgotten it for even a minute was incomprehensible. But he'd never really forgotten what she'd meant to him, he'd felt it even when he remembered nothing but now he had the memories to go with the feelings.

_**Everything is clear to me  
'Till I hit reality  
And I lose it all  
**_

There was no way he was going to sleep now. Not after he had gotten his memory back. He had to go to Blair. Chuck was already out of bed when he remembered the way he'd treated her back at the hospital. He owed her more than simply showing up and being back. He owed her a grand gesture. Then he really remembered. He remembered something he'd allowed himself to forget. He'd slept with Jenny. That was something he was going to have to tell Blair. So tonight wasn't the night he would go to her, first he had to do something, think of something to make all of this up to her.

_**Maybe I'm a liar  
But all I really know  
Is you're the only reason I'm trying **_

Conscious that sleep would not be coming for him tonight, Chuck eventually did stand and exit the bedroom before taking a seat in front of the TV; settling in to watch as Rhett continued his pursuit of Scarlett. Maybe it wasn't a grand gesture he needed after all, maybe it was almost the opposite. He needed something simple, something open and honest. Then it would be real.

_**

* * *

Sunday, May 17, 2009 - Conde Nast Studios, NYC (early morning)**_

Aaron's photos were so good, Newhouse personally hired him to do the shots for the Vogue piece featuring Blair and Jocelyn. Blair and Jocelyn were now preparing for the final photo shoot, finished with all the internal Vogue shots even a few on "location" which really meant rooms inside the building that happened to look like they weren't indoors. Blair stood and walked over to the dressing rack realizing that her last dress was one she recognized instead of the others in which she had mostly just known the designers (even though the article was supposed to be based on their shared personal style). But the dress in front of her was different; it was a Waldorf Original and Blair remembered it well as she'd seen Jenny modifying it slightly only a few weeks ago for a Vogue shoot; it was funny mostly because at the time the dress hadn't been for her and she'd envied the girl who would wear it. Running her fingers over the garment, Blair had to fight back tears. Her fingers continued to trace the fabric, surprised when they landed on a slip of paper pinned to the hem. Blair lifted it to her eyes and smiled; however Jenny had discovered what was going on today she didn't know but the note was encouraging.

**Your mom always said that you were her best advertisement. Prove her right.  
Love you - Little J**

Blair was smiling as she pulled on the lovely dress and the assistants zipped her up. Looking in the mirror she couldn't help but think that her mom would have been proud, which brought an extra glow to her skin. Taking a hold of Jocelyn's arm, they walked back out on to set, arms linked and smiles on their faces. Blair looked at the set critically, she wasn't a fan of most of the props that were set out around for their use and that wasn't all. There was something else that just didn't feel quite right. Suddenly, she was struck with an idea, one that was possibly one of her most ridiculous ever, she didn't know fashion or design, so she should be leaving it up to the professionals but something about this idea just felt right.

Extracting herself from Jocelyn, Blair walked over to Aaron who was fiddling with one of the cameras. They'd been working all night and were all worn out, but Aaron seemed to have born the brunt of it. She and Joss were kept up on caffeine but Aaron was so used to caffeine that it wasn't really strong enough for him, he was starting to look exhausted. "I have an idea." Blair announced in a low voice.

"And what would that be?" Aaron asked as he rubbed his eyes vigorously; doing his best to wake himself up. Glancing over at the clock he wanted to groan, they were closing in on six am.

Blair smiled slyly. "Let's go do the shoot outside, on the steps of the Met." She'd felt empowered by the dress and Jenny's note and something about the idea just felt right.

Aaron gave her a critical look. It had been a long night and despite the opportunity that this had been he was ready to get home. Photography, something he normally loved, for the first time felt like a job. He looked out the dark window wondering how to make this feel less like a job and more like fun again. Perhaps Blair was right, maybe they needed a change of scenery. "Okay, let's do it."

Blair's smile widened as she turned and walked over to Jocelyn who looked like she was about to pass out on the floor while Aaron announced the change of plans to everyone still hanging around the shoot which surprisingly still consisted of about thirty people. Some of them like Dan were working to finish the stuff with Vanity Fair which was due at press in two hours, others were stylists, helping her and Jocelyn, some were working with Aaron. Then there were those like Newhouse, who no one had expected to show up at all, who were standing around simply observing. Something about him had become increasingly unnerving. He'd come to sign the contracts with all of them earlier, contracts that she had had sent to Chuck's lawyers and returned a few hours later. She wasn't about to be tricked in any way. Though even after the contracts had been signed, Newhouse remained.

After Aaron announced the location change and the crew got to work relocating things, Newhouse walked over to where Blair and Jocelyn were standing. "So my lovely cover girls, how are you this morning?"

Blair looked at him discerningly, unable to quite put her finger on what was unnerving her about the situation. "You know I still don't quite understand why you wanted us on the cover of Vogue."

Jocelyn looked over at Blair, a look of shock on her face. Normally, Blair was one of the most sane, instinctive people she knew but Joss had noticed something different about her these past few days. Blair was more of an adult than she'd ever been but there was also a bit of cynicism there that hadn't been there before. The girl trusted no one other than herself. But as she looked into Blair's eyes she realized that the brunette might be onto something. Everything about it was kind of suspicious and she knew that with Chuck Bass back in town, things could get out of hand quickly. Turning her head back to face Mr. Newhouse she spoke, her voice steady and clear. "Blair has a point sir. We may not be nobodies but we don't have the kind of status to warrant the cover of Vogue. Vanity Fair, is understandable as it's mainly an article about Blair and Marcus's annulment but this is about our personal fashion, our friendship with each other, and only briefly touches on our respective relationships with Marcus. Yes the British people know who Blair is and soon they'll know who I am; but to the American public I'm a B-level socialite and Blair is just the daughter of fashion designer who happened to marry Marcus. So that begs the question, why do you think we'll sell magazines?"

Newhouse sighed slightly. "Can't you just believe that your beautiful faces will be enough to sell every copy of the magazine that we print? Must you question everything?"

Blair nodded. "Yes." She spoke definitively. "Sure if these Vanity Fair articles take off, the Vogue issue will be popular but if they don't the Vogue cover will flop and you aren't even waiting to see what happens to make the final decision. That is suspicious."

Running his hand through his grey hair, Mr. Newhouse looked away before looking back at the girls, almost as though he was looking over his shoulder. "If it will make you feel better, I can say that this has nothing to do with money. Should the Vogue issue not sell as many covers as our average issue the difference and more, has been taken care of."

Blair's mouth fell open as she realized just what Newhouse was saying. Someone had paid him money, quite a bit of money, to do this cover of them. "You've been paid off?" She asked an accusing but airy quality to her voice. Newhouse gave only a slight tilt of his head in indication that this was the truth. And suddenly the puzzle pieces began clicking together in Blair's head, the car she'd noticed following their cab earlier, the pink peonies in her dressing room at the photo shoot, and someone paying off Mr. Newhouse; all only days after Chuck checked out of the hospital. "Chuck." She barely breathed before finding her voice and meeting Newhouse's eyes. "Chuck Bass is the one who paid you off."

"Now listen here young lady, I didn't name any names." Newhouse was frozen. Chuck had been explicit about the Waldorf girl not finding out about his part in the Vogue cover or the contractual agreements. He couldn't deny that Bass's plan to follow up the Vanity Fair magazine with the Vogue article, was one that would likely make him a lot of money, and the money Bass had offered in case it didn't had been more than enough to get him to agree.

Jocelyn gasped. Of course that's what Chuck had meant over the phone. He'd had a hand in all of this. She knew she could have confirmed Blair's suspicions but she suspected that Blair didn't actually need confirmation from her; besides, she didn't exactly want to face the firing squad from Blair Waldorf concerning Chuck Bass due to the fact that she'd kept his phone call and return to New York a secret.

Blair narrowed her eyes. "The fact that you didn't simply say no he didn't confirms my suspicions sir. However, I also know that Chuck Bass is the only man who has enough money that would be willing to fork it out for something like this; except maybe Marcus." She said, inhaling slightly. Could it be that she'd wanted it to be Chuck so badly that she'd forced it to be him without considering the possibilities? She turned towards Marcus who was standing about ten feet away and called out. "Hey Marcus!"

He turned to face Blair, taking a step towards the trio. "Yes?" He asked curiously.

"You didn't happen to shell out. . ." She paused looking at Mr. Newhouse and taking him in for a moment while she contemplated her next words, finally settling on a sum she found likely. "I don't know, around five million dollars to convince Mr. Newhouse here to do the Vogue article did you?"

Marcus furrowed his brow in a concerned manner. "No. Do I need to?" He asked earnestly as though he was ready to pull out his check book.

Blair smirked. "No, someone's already done that for us." She faced Newhouse once more. "Now that we have that established I think we should finish up this photo shoot, I'm rather exhausted."

Newhouse nodded and turned deciding that this was probably not the best place for him to be anymore. He'd only stayed out of curiosity and he was exhausted as well. Saying his goodbyes he headed out the door as the rest of the crew began the relocation process, loading into large trucks and driving several blocks up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

As they arrived at the Met Jocelyn squeezed Blair's hand. "It feels like coming home." She spoke quietly for Blair's ears alone. Blair smiled, it was true. Emerging from the Van that she, Jocelyn, Dan, Marcus, and Aaron had been driven over in she was surprised to see Jenny, Nate, Serena, and Eric waiting on the steps while the camera crew stepped up around them. "What are you guys doing here?" She asked, both surprised and excited. She'd intended to tell them all later about the photo shoot, not thinking they would actually be game for it considering the fact that it involved Marcus.

Jenny smiled brightly. "I was staying at the Van der Woodsen's since Dan was going to be out all night doing the shoot and I'd told everyone why I was there. Dan called me about half an hour ago saying that you guys were coming here to shoot and since we were only a few blocks away we all decided to come watch."

"And were you at the Van der Woodsen's as well Nate?" Blair asked coyly.

Nate grinned sheepishly, a blush rising to his cheeks. "Possibly."

Blair raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She didn't know the circumstances and it wasn't her place to interfere. Noticing that the van had emptied and only a few people there actually knew each other, she made quick with the introductions. "I'm sorry, Jocelyn this is Jenny and Eric who you might have met and you of course know Nate and Serena."

Immediately Joss exchanged hellos, surprised when she was met with coldness from Serena. "Jocelyn, how wonderful to see you." Joss, hadn't failed to notice the formality with which Serena spoke to her; her words were almost clinical. She and Serena had frequently butted heads during Serena's freshman year, before she left for boarding school. Serena had wanted Blair to party more and care less about what people thought about her. She had thought that Jocelyn was a bad influence on her best friend just as Blair had thought Georgina Sparks was a bad influence on Serena. Jocelyn had thought that all of that would have been water under the bridge by now but apparently not. "Serena! Lovely to see you as well. And Eric how you've grown!"

As Jocelyn was speaking to Eric, Blair leaned over towards Jenny whispering in her ear. "So Nate spent the night?"

"Just talking, we're taking it slow." Jenny replied with a smile as she watched Jocelyn greet Nate.

"Hello Sunshine." Nate said, resisting the urge to rumple Jocelyn's perfectly coifed hair. Her hair had earned her his nickname for her but it also had something to do with her ability to brighten any room.

She'd leaned forward into Nate's arms and gave him a hug. "And here's the golden boy, you know even though I thought Chuck would one day come between you and Blair, I did think you were going to end up getting the girl."

"I did." Nate said confidently as he looked directly at Jenny.

Jenny couldn't hide her embarrassment as a blush rose high on her cheeks. She looked away without responding.

Jocelyn followed Nate's gaze and raised her eyebrows. "I see." She said smiling as she turned to Jenny. "So you are the incredible Jennifer Humphrey."

Once more Jenny found she was struggling with her emotions. This time, it just so happened that she was dealing with one she hadn't felt for a while; intimidation. The girl before her might be several inches shorter but there was something very powerful in her presence that made you crave her acceptance. She had known of Jocelyn Forbes when she was in school but the girl was four years older than her and they'd never actually shared the same school. Yet it was impossible not to have heard of her. "Incredible, now that's a word I could get used to." Jenny said jokingly before adding. "And you can call me Jenny."

Jocelyn cracked a smile, the younger girl was amusing. "Well Jenny, you can call me Joss."

Blair smiled at Jenny slightly surprised, for as long as she'd known Jocelyn, she'd never taken to a girl quite that quickly. Blair heard an audible gasp from Serena, who she knew had never heard that phrase from Jocelyn; wouldn't those two ever quit butting heads? Blair then turned and introduced Aaron who gave a curt nod to everyone there. Dan, climbing out of the van walked over immediately and stood behind Serena, giving her a quick kiss on the neck. It was then that Marcus approached, looking extremely sheepish. "Hello everyone." He spoke timidly.

Jocelyn reached over and laced her fingers through his, giving his a slight squeeze. She knew that he had unpleasant history with Blair Waldorf's friends due to the nature of his relationship with Blair Waldorf, but he wasn't that guy anymore. She knew that and Blair knew that and that was what really mattered.

Marcus was bolstered slightly by Jocelyn's reassurance and gave the group a small smile. "It's good to see you all again."

"Sorry, I can't say the same thing." Serena snapped as she crossed her arms. She felt Dan tense slightly behind her. "Be nice." He whispered in her ear and she tried to calm herself but she honestly couldn't even handle being in Marcus's presence after what he'd done.

Nate was grimacing but managed to force himself to shake Marcus's hand. "I still don't like you." Nate said, Marcus's hand still locked with his.

"I don't expect you to." Marcus responded sincerely earning a grim nod from Nate. Turning toward Jenny he expected the worst reaction and was surprised at a slight smile on her features.

Jenny had been watching Blair who was calm next to Marcus, even comfortable. She wasn't sure what had changed there but if he had gained Blair's trust and forgiveness, then she didn't know why she couldn't forgive him as well. "I don't know that I would say it's good to see you but I don't hate it." She said with a slight shrug, earning shocked stares from several of the group.

Marcus was perhaps the most shocked of all. "Why?" He asked completely taken aback.

"You let Blair come home, you helped her find Chuck, and you're here now going along with this crazy scheme so that her name doesn't get dragged through the mud." Marcus looked like he was going to correct her on the last statement but Jenny held up a hand. "Don't even try it, I know that you could have simply announced whatever you wanted, you could have made Blair sound like the bad guy in all of this and you are going to quite extraordinary lengths to prevent that. I'm not saying I forgive you for what you did do to all of us but I'm going to work on it."

"Thank you." Marcus replied sincerely before Aaron began to fuss.

"I hate to break up whatever this is going on but we need to start shooting if we want a few shots before it starts to get light."

Blair nodded, looking quickly amongst their friends, allocating glares and smiles where necessary to ensure a catfight would not break out without the presence of Jocelyn and herself. Then she and Jocelyn each walked to the steps, taking their place in front of the camera. Aaron started with traditional poses, many of them looking serious or regal. As the sun began to rise, Aaron began shooting like a madman, saying that it was all too perfect he didn't know how they would select just one later. When daylight began to set in he allowed the girls to loosen up and get silly with it, knowing he already had his shot.

The rain caught them all by surprise. Aaron was fully ready to pack up and was calling out the orders when he turned and saw them. Jocelyn and Blair each had an umbrella and they were. . .dancing. Water was splattering around them, pouring off the edges of the umbrella but the girls were singing and dancing, kicking up the water at each other. Aaron was back at his camera before any of the crew could blink. Within minutes we was calling out orders. Shot after shot was coming out as pure gold and he just couldn't stop shooting. "Lose the umbrellas." He called out after several minutes.

Jocelyn sat her umbrella to the side timidly, as though she was uncertain that she was okay with the idea and might snatch it back up at any moment. Blair took one look at the intensity of the passion in Aaron's eyes and tossed hers to the side, embracing the rain.

_**

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Sunday, May 17, 2009 - Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC**_

Chuck sighed as he watched the photo shoot occurring from his place in the shadows across the street. His first sight of Blair since remembering was like water to the main dying of thirst. He couldn't get enough of her, he couldn't stop staring. His eyes had long since watered and stung from his inability to blink but it didn't break his gaze. She was the most beautiful woman in the world and she was the mother of his child. There was nothing more important or more unbelievable. He was filled with love, every part of his being ached with his undeniable, unavoidable love for her. But he would never want to avoid or deny his love for her again. She was his life.

He wanted desperately to get closer to her, to touch her, to feel her, to taste her; but right now he couldn't. She was happier in that moment than he'd seen her since Christmas and he wouldn't tarnish that. He knew she'd be happy, even ecstatic to see him there were things that the two of them needed to discuss and not all of them were entirely pleasant. After everything he'd put her through, everything he'd said to her when she found him in the hospital; he owed her the truth about everything. So he would stand back and let her remain happy for now. It wasn't that he was afraid that she would 'break up with him' for what he'd done with Jenny; he wasn't worried at all about such a thing. There was no breaking up for them, if they hadn't learned that by now they were both damn idiots; but at the same time it would be painful, becoming yet another obstacle that they had to get through.

Today was Sunday, graduation was tomorrow afternoon. They had a tea beforehand and there was to be a reception at the Van der Woodsen-Bass house after followed by a party at Nate's. He wanted to catch her between the reception and the party and he knew just the way to do it. So regardless of the fact that his entire body ached to be with her, this morning he would leave her be. They had all the time in the world, tomorrow. After all, tomorrow was another day.

**

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A/N: So there you go, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And yes the last line is a Gone With the Wind reference. I have another poll up that some of you may be interested in. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo  
kate**


	65. Comencement

Sorry for the delay, I'm back at school and I have crazy amounts of work. So here it is the LAST chapter! Following this we'll have a two part Epilogue but this is the OFFICIAL end. Thanks to each and every one of you for staying with me over the past two years. This was my first fanfiction (not the first I've completed but the first I started) and it's kind of like my baby so as sad as I am to finish it up, I'm happy to see it completed. It's been a crazy ride, thanks for everything and don't forget to vote in my new poll! Also if you're interested the dresses that the girls wear in this chapter are featured on my profile under The Games We Play extras :)

To my awesome, amazing, completely indescribable reviewers: **ggff-fan, CarolinaGirl21, LitPricess2787, ana-12, smartine555, Taiyo To Tsuki No Megami, GGfanficfan09, CrazyBitch10, LovelyLydia, SouthernBelle88, CBBW3words8letters, UnwrittenGirl, freaky-chick-108, annablake, and tvrox12. **I love you, I love you, I love you!

Special thanks to **ggff-fan** for her awesome beta work, you rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip girl or the show wouldn't go off during the summer!

**

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Monday, May 18, 2009**

**Spotted: Chuck Bass exiting the Palace Hotel this morning. We knew you couldn't say away for long C. Welcome home. Now the question begs, why isn't he at the Constance Billard - St. Jude Comencement Ceremony starting in exactly five minutes? In other news did anyone else see the cover of Vanity Fair featuring B and M? There are even some shots of J in with the article. Here's a short summary of what I've read: B and M are officially no longer married, in fact it legally never happened, they had a quickie annulment. The marriage was "a mistake" and she still has feelings for an ex (C I presume). Yet B and M remain friends, she even introduced him to his new girlfriend. So that explains what B, M, and J were doing in the park together yesterday. Hmm, I'll be keeping a close eye on this one kiddies it seems a little too sugar coated, for now enjoy your Graduation. Congratulations you're officially adults. **

Blair exhaled roughly, feeling all of the air fly from her lungs. She'd ducked into the bathroom so that she could absorb the gossip girl blast in peace, away from all the photographers. The Vanity Fair article had hit the shelves this morning and the paparazzi had been up and raring to go the moment she walked out of the Palace. As if that wasn't bad enough, she now had to deal with this gossip girl blast.

You already knew he was back, this isn't news to you, this shouldn't hurt, she told herself as she stared at her reflection. But of course it did still hurt. Before, she could continue to tell herself that Chuck wasn't actually back in the City, just out of the hospital -even though she knew differently. But now, she couldn't do that. Gossip girl was rarely wrong. If she said that Chuck was back, Chuck was back; and he hadn't come for her. Still this was better than nothing right? He'd come home which made him a lot closer to her than he was when he was in North Carolina. Slowly, she placed the graduation cap on her head, fixing it in front of the bathroom mirror just as Serena rushed in the door.

"Come on B, we're lining up." Serena said, walking over to the sink where her friend was standing. She saw the perfectly formed mask on Blair's face instantly; it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what was wrong. So as she took Blair's hand and led her from the bathroom she asked a question that she knew might break that mask. "I saw the blast. Are you okay?"

Blair swallowed, forcing the chance of tears back. "Yes." She spoke, even finding that it was true. She was okay. She wasn't great, she wasn't fine, but she was okay. "But I just feel like he should be here." She finished just after they reached the place where the rest of the group was standing.

Jenny had been waiting with the graduates so that she could make sure that Blair was okay. "I know. So do I." She felt Nate squeeze her hand as she spoke and knew she'd said the right thing.

"It does seem wrong without him doesn't it?" Nate said with a slight frown. "Especially if he's back in the city."

Even Dan seemed to have something to say about Chuck's absence. "It's Graduation, you'd think this was the day that Chuck Bass had been looking forward to his whole life. No more school, no more grades, no more homework."

Dan's comment was actually able to draw a small smile from Blair. No one knew it, but Chuck really didn't hate school, homework maybe, but not school itself. "Plus it's his birthday." She added quietly.

Everyone other than Nate looked at Blair strangely and it was Serena who broke the silence that followed Blair's astonishing statement . "It is?" Serena asked, her mouth open slightly in surprise. Sure she and Chuck were never particularly close but surely she knew his birthday though as she thought back certain that she must know it, she couldn't name the date.

Nate just nodded. "Blair's right it's his birthday. May 18th." He confirmed.

"How come he never told anyone?" Jenny asked softly, a cautious note to her voice.

Blair shook her head, not sure what she should say but then she remembered that they were still the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, they shouldn't have secrets. "Chuck doesn't celebrate his birthday. His mom died on his fifth, you know she never really got better after the pregnancy. She was always sick and I think Chuck blames himself to some extent. The only thing he does to commemorate the occasion is to light a candle at St. Patrick's. Other than his dad, Nate and I are probably the only two people who even know." She was about to open her mouth to say more when a teacher rushed over and shooed them into line. Dan and Nate went to the left with the boys, and Serena and Blair to the right with the girls while Jenny and Eric went to find Jocelyn and Marcus who were supposed to be saving them seats.

Walking directly past their gesturing parents, Jenny spotted Jocelyn and slipped in the aisle with Eric quickly behind her. She risked a quick glance back to see what Lily, Bart and Rufus's reactions were and couldn't help but frown. She knew they'd be upset at her and Eric for choosing not to sit with them but she had no idea that they would look quite so infuriated, or was it worry that was lining their faces? She nudged Eric quickly, "Look at our parents. Your mom looks like she's about to have an aneurism. They all look worried. I don't get it."

Eric looked at Jenny strangely. "We're sitting with Marcus, of course they look worried. They probably didn't even know he was in town." He muttered back at her.

Jenny pondered that for a moment. It was true, upon Blair's return the parents had discovered part if not all of the situation that had occurred between Blair and Marcus, which would be a likely cause of their current distress. "Lily must not have seen Vanity Fair yet." She spoke in a whispered voice before adding. "But they look like they think we're up to something."

"We are up to something." Eric said before running a hand through his hair. When Jocelyn had called him this morning he'd been surprised to hear from her. They were really nothing more than acquaintances but upon her request, he and Jenny had met her and Marcus for brunch while the four graduates did their own thing.

Jenny sighed. Eric had a point but this was nothing that the parents should be concerned about. She was strangely unafraid of Marcus now. He didn't even seem like the same guy anymore. Besides, they were up to something good. She turned to Jocelyn. "So we're leaving graduation with you guys right?"

"Precisely." Jocelyn said with a smirk. As soon as Chuck had called her yesterday and told her his plan she'd been wondering why of the six of the group he'd told her to involve Jenny and Eric. They were the youngest and she knew them the least; but the moment she spoke to them at brunch she realized what Chuck must have known all along; these two were manipulative. They made the best scheming team she'd seen since Chuck and Blair. Jenny was as much of a plotter as Blair had been at that age and Eric's intelligence balanced her out perfectly. Besides, their lack of involvement in the Graduation that was occurring made helping her that much easier for them. After all, she was going to need as much help as she could get to pull off Chuck's plan.

Jenny shrugged slightly. "I'm still surprised that he isn't going the grand gesture route. That's much more like him. Usually when Chuck fucks something up he goes all out trying to fix it. I'm talking jewelry, roses, songs…the works."

"Yeah but this time he didn't really screw up." Eric said pointedly as they all stood while the graduates entered to Pomp and Circumstance. Once the music died down he added. "Chuck's not looking for some kind of reconciliation, he just wants an appropriate reunion. One that doesn't include paparazzi, since they seem to be intent on following Blair everywhere right now."

Jocelyn smiled with a slight nod. "The kid's right. From what Chuck's said to me, he just wants Blair, that's it."

Without even realizing what she was doing, Jenny found herself snapping at Jocelyn. "I still can't believe you've been in contact with Chuck for days and you've kept quiet about it."

"Chuck asked me not to say anything, what was I supposed to do?" Jocelyn asked, finding herself on the defensive. There weren't many people who could put her there but Jenny appeared to be one of them.

Jenny shook her head before speaking in a hushed voice. "You should have told Blair."

Jocelyn made a strange face, appearing slightly surprised. Jenny was about to ask why before she realized that Jocelyn wasn't looking at her, she was looking at Eric. Flipping around to face her friend Jenny narrowed her eyes. "What?" She hissed at Eric who had his eyebrows raised.

"Are you saying that you would have told Blair?" He finally whispered, just loudly enough for Jocelyn and Jenny to hear.

"Of course." Jenny responded back instantly. "She's my best friend and this is the love of her life we are talking about."

Eric raised his eyebrows further, looking doubtful. "Because you've never kept secrets with Chuck before."

"That's different." Jenny replied quietly, but uncertainty filled her voice. Even as she spoke she had to admit that that wasn't entirely true. She and Chuck had hidden their fling from everyone, including Blair, she'd kept the letters a secret from everyone too, and way back when Chuck was hunting for something to take Marcus down, she'd known where he was and hadn't told Blair because he'd asked her not to. "Okay fine, so I would have done the same thing." She finally admitted with a shrug before sitting back to watch the rest of graduation, crossing her arms as a message to the other two that she was done talking.

Jocelyn leaned forward slightly around Jenny to meet Eric's gaze before whispering a quiet "Thank you." As the first of the speeches began.

Walking out of the auditorium a little over an hour later, Jenny linked her arm with Eric's. "I'm sorry for earlier." She spoke softly, not particularly wanting Marcus or Jocelyn to overhear as they followed them a block or so to where Jocelyn had parked. The blonde had taken to driving ever since she'd gone to college.

"Don't apologize to me, I'm not the one you snapped at." He said, glancing ahead at Jocelyn. "Besides, I know why you were angry in the first place . . .she doesn't."

Jenny looked at Eric, strangely. "What are you talking about? I was just being a self righteous hypocrite saying that Joss should have told Blair."

Eric shook his head slightly. "Yes, but my point is why were you being a self righteous hypocrite?"

Jenny's brow furrowed. Eric was right, why had it bothered her so much that Jocelyn hadn't told Blair the truth. After all, as Eric had pointed out, she'd kept things from people for Chuck before.

Eric could see that Jenny was having trouble sorting out her own feelings so he decided to help her out. "You're jealous."

Now Jenny truly did look confused. "Of who, Blair?"

"No, of Jocelyn." When Jenny still didn't seem to get it Eric continued. "You're jealous because Chuck's always come to you in the past when he needs help with something or has a secret."

Jenny laughed. "No I'm so not."

"Oh yes you are." Eric said pointedly. "And I mean, it makes sense. You're used to being the girlfriend's best friend, not to mention that you and Chuck have been intimate together; so it's only natural that he would go to you for advice. I'm sure it seems like he's passed you up for a better option."

Jenny winced at Eric's mention of their intimacy, it wasn't something she liked to think about, let alone discuss. It had almost cost her her relationship with Nate and it was something she'd rather forget altogether. Though she listened while Eric spoke and as he finished she found herself closing her eyes as realization overtook her. "You're right, I am jealous." Then after a pause she added. "Do you really think Jocelyn's a better option than me?"

Eric just rolled his eyes, preparing to explain his theory. "No. You know Chuck and Blair as well as anyone. His past track record has proved that Chuck does go to you because you are Blair's best friend and the two of you do have a bond; but this Chuck doesn't remember that. This Chuck remembers a time when Jocelyn was Blair's best friend. After all, when Serena was at boarding school in a lot of ways Jocelyn was her only girl friend. This Chuck thinks of Jocelyn like our Chuck thinks of you."

Jenny nodded, understanding exactly what Eric was getting at. He really was the smartest of all of them. "So you think Chuck still hasn't found a way to get his memory back."

Eric shrugged. "I don't know. If he has, it has to be recent. Jocelyn said when he first called a few days ago he hadn't."

Once more Jenny found herself nodding. She thought as much but this time she was hoping that Eric disagreed. Then another more disturbing thought hit her. "You said that this Chuck thinks of Jocelyn like our Chuck thinks of me, do you think he's been. . .intimate with her?"

Eric tilted his head to the side, considering the possibility. "I don't know. It's not outside the realm of possibility but back then Chuck was much more promiscuous. If they ever did sleep together I would wager that it didn't mean anything to either of them. They certainly didn't do it for the reasons that you and Chuck did."

The conversation was quickly going somewhere that made Jenny uncomfortable but it was her fault so it was up to her to get out of it and the only way she knew to do that was to change the topic to an equally interesting subject. "So do you think this plan of theirs is going to work?"

"That depends." Eric spoke plainly once more. "The goal is of course to create confusion. Jocelyn and Marcus will help with that and then you have us. . ." He spoke trailing off knowing that Jenny knew the plan as well as he did. "That should do the trick."

Jenny gave a slight shrug accompanied by a sigh. "I don't know, it just has so much potential to go wrong." She said, furrowing her brows.

Eric frowned. "I know. If anyone has forgotten anything at home then the whole plan is ruined. Everyone was supposed to bring their stuff over to our apartment this morning because after the reception everyone is supposed to get dressed and go to Gramercy Tavern for dinner before heading to Nate's for the party."

"Right." Jenny replied slowly. "But if things go according to plan, Blair won't be going to dinner with us."

Eric nodded. "You know, I've just realized that this isn't much of a plan at all. We are rather playing by ear and that's dangerous when it comes to this group. Maybe we should discuss something more concrete."

Jenny ran a hand through her newly cut locks, surprised when her fingers ran out of hair so quickly; it was almost down to her waist before she'd cut it for Graduation. "That's kind of what I've been getting at." Jenny related her new plan to Eric.

"We could work with that." Eric said with a nod that quickly turned into a smile. "In fact, that's almost too simplistic to fail."

"Let's go tell Marcus and Joss of the change." Jenny said, picking up her step to catch up with the older pair. Already she was feeling so much better about this whole thing. For the first time all morning she felt like she could breathe. This could work.

* * *

Nate groaned as he walked up to where most of their group was standing. "Is this thing ever going to end?" He asked as he tentatively wrapped an arm around Jenny's waist.

Jenny looked up at Nate and smiled reassuringly. She could feel that he was a little nervous. This was their first day publically back together and things were still kind of touch and go. "I don't think it's that bad. Think about our parents, it is an absolute wonder that this is all they've insisted on." Jenny said gesturing around the room at the formal reception.

Blair nodded in agreement. Granted, she didn't actually have any parents there; Roman and Harold had been coming but they'd gotten stranded in France due to some Volcanic Eruption that had sent so much ash in the air that it had grounded all air travel, so she valued parents a little more than the rest of them since hers couldn't be there. "True, they are letting us go to dinner without them, Bart's even footing the bill."

Serena smiled. "Speaking of Bart, I would give money to see his face one more time when Marcus walked into the room a few hours ago. That was priceless."

"I know! Remember when we thought Bart only had one facial expression?" Eric spoke, completely serious. "Apparently, shock does not in fact look the same as disappointment, anger, and happiness."

Marcus laughed along with the rest of the group, almost not believing that this was happening. These were people whose approval he'd been craving the entire time he was involved with Blair and now all of the sudden they seemed to accept him. "I'm glad to be of at least some service."

Jocelyn gave Marcus's hand a light squeeze. "You know we should probably start getting ready soon if we want to make our eight o'clock reservation."

"Too bad it doesn't look like anyone is nearly ready to clear out." Dan said as he walked up to the group from a conversation with his parents who were surprisingly getting along well today even though his mom had brought her new fiancé with her. "And you heard all the parents earlier, we have to stay until this is over."

Almost as if by magic the room began to clear out as people drifted towards the exit. Most of them probably had dinner plans of their own that they had to get ready for. "Looks like it's time to go get ready." Blair said only ten minutes later.

Serena turned to catch Lily's eye, looking for some sign that they were dismissed. The second Lily gave a nod of consent they scattered, the girls heading to Serena's room and the boys to Eric's.

Just over an hour later, Blair stood in front of the mirror, smiling as she straightened her dress. The light pink silk fell perfectly from her waist, disguising any baby bump that might chose today to make its presence known. The faux sweetheart neckline accentuated her growing breasts perfectly, adding to the overall effect of the garment. She'd spent the past twenty minutes arranging her mass of curls on the back of her head but on a whim she tugged the pins out, allowing the chocolate waves to tumble loose.

"I don't know how you do it?" Jocelyn spoke as she approached her, their reflections standing side by side.

Blair looked at her curiously. "Do what?"

"Look so perfect all the time." Joss said with a slight shrug as though she was attempting nonchalance.

Blair couldn't help it, she laughed out loud. "Me, perfect?" She said incredulously, "I spent my entire young adult life trying to be as perfect as you."

Jocelyn just shook her head. "I try to be, but I'm not. Truth be told I was terrified most of junior and all of senior year that you were going to wake up and realize that if you snapped your fingers you could replace me as Queen."

"I realized that myself sometime at the end of junior year; but I didn't want to take Queen from you. Especially after Serena left, you were my only real friend other than Chuck and Nate." As she spoke, Blair slipped her hand through Jocelyn's and gave it a slight squeeze. "And look at us now, trading guys and moving on."

Jocelyn leaned over, placing her head on Blair's shoulder. "And yet I'm still envious of you."

Blair shook her head. "I just don't get it Joss. You are every girl's idea of beautiful. I mean look at yourself, and that dress! I couldn't pull off that dress even if I wasn't pregnant."

Jocelyn found herself smiling as she looked down at her own dress; she did like her selection for the evening. It was an off-white lacy dress, silky smooth with a deep V-neck, crossover tulip skirt, and a pleated sash at the waist. It made her feel confidant; but she was supposed to be the confident one, the one in control. She shouldn't need a dress to make her feel that way. These were all things she'd spent two years teaching Blair; but at the same time, Blair was the only one she'd ever allowed to see her vulnerable; so being so open with her wasn't completely out of character. She probably would have said more but Jenny walked up, placing herself in the frame.

"Blair's right, you look beautiful. The dress looks as though it was made for you." Jocelyn looked as though she was about to protest when Jenny continued. "Trust me, I designed it."

Jocelyn's eyes widened. "That's not possible; I got it at the photo shoot for Vogue. It's a Waldorf Original." She said sparing a quick glance at Blair to test to see if she'd gone too far. She knew about her mother and didn't want to bring up any unpleasant thoughts when they were supposed to be celebrating.

Blair smiled at Jenny. "I didn't know you were designing entire dresses by yourself now."

"You would if you'd take over the role of CEO for Waldorf Designs." Jenny said almost teasingly. It seemed like the perfect opportunity and she couldn't let it go to waste.

Blair shook her head slightly but she her smile remained. "I'll think about it." Then she turned to Jocelyn who was looking confused. "Jenny used to intern for my mother, doing much more than her share of the work from what I heard. After the accident she was promoted, so to speak."

Jocelyn nodded and looked at Jenny impressed. She'd thought upon meeting Jenny that something about her commanded respect but she hadn't been able to put her finger on it. Now she thought she could. It appeared as though Blair had trained Jenny as Jocelyn had trained Blair, add that to Jenny's high profile boyfriend and a talent for design and you ended up with an impressive individual. "I don't admit this often Jenny but I'm impressed and I'm honored to be wearing one of your designs."

Jenny smiled even as she watched Blair slip away towards where Serena was standing. "Thank you. From you that means a lot."

"From me?" Jocelyn said, adequately shocked.

Jenny furrowed her brow slightly. "Oh come on, you have to know that all through middle school I idolized you and Blair too, of course. I wanted to be the two of you."

Jocelyn couldn't seem to comprehend it. It seemed so long ago that she'd been really looked up to. College was different. She wasn't Queen of anything anymore. Granted life was still fabulous. She was the leader in her group of friends, a member of Kappa Kappa Gamma Women's Fraternity, and had every indication from a reliable source that she was in line to be tapped for the Skull and Bones at the end of junior year. But there was something about the rush that one gets from being at the top of the social hierarchy that you can't get anywhere else. "Things change."

"Not that much." Jenny said with a shrug. "You know gossip girl still calls me Little J out of respect for you."

Jocelyn smiled sadly. "I don't even know what's wrong with me today. I guess being at Graduation and then that reception just showed me that you can't go back again. Has Blair officially crowned you yet?"

Jenny shook her head slightly. "No, but I don't think it really matters. I've basically run the school these past six months anyway."

Joss laughed. "Don't kid yourself Little J, it matters. It always matters. She'll probably do it tonight at Nate's; that's when I did hers. Somewhere that everyone who matters will be present and see it and know that it was final." After a pause, Jocelyn spoke again. "You know, I think I know what's really been bothering me today. It's not just that I miss the thrill of being Queen, I think I'm jealous of you."

This time it was Jenny who laughed. "Funny then that I realized earlier today that I'm jealous of you. What do you have to be jealous of me about?"

"Your relationship with Blair." Jocelyn answered honestly. "She and I were like that once, a long time ago. What I don't understand is how you could be jealous of me? I'm an outsider in this group."

At that Jenny actually snorted. "Chuck called you. For almost a year, it's always been me that he's gone to when it comes to Blair and I don't know, it kind of hurt my feelings."

"Don't let it. He told me himself that he called me because I was someone he remembered, someone he knew he could trust without a shadow of doubt. I would think he would call Serena but it sounds as though from what Chuck actually remembers they weren't that close anymore" Joss replied, voicing her suspicions. She and Blair were never as close as Blair and Serena. Sure Joss and Blair had a lot in common, they saw eye to eye on a lot of things and were probably more alike, which meant they were also both a lot like Chuck; but Serena and Blair were like sisters. As she finished she turned to Jenny and straightened the large black bow on the younger girl's dress. "Is this one of yours as well?"

Jenny smiled as she ran her hands along the black fabric, following it as it flushed outwards. "Yes, I didn't design it for the company though, just for me. As for Serena and Blair, I don't think things have been the same since Serena and Nate slept together, even though they mended their fences. Then last fall, Serena betrayed all of us because she was jealous and trying to cause a disaster. Blair forgave her but I don't think she ever forgot the disloyalty."

Jocelyn had to fight back several memories of Blair at that moment. Now was not the time for a stroll down memory lane. "Blair always was ferociously loyal to her friends; she could never understand why someone would betray a friend. It's one of the things I came to admire about her."

Jenny nodded, unsurprised by the older girl's respect for Blair. It was difficult not to have respect and admiration for Blair, even if you didn't like her. "I don't think Marcus is a bad guy. He's done some bad things but I think he has a good heart and I think with you, he's finally learning how to use it." Jenny spoke, surprising herself. "I don't think you're crazy for getting involved with him."

Surprised at the abrupt change of subject, Jocelyn was nevertheless pleased by Jenny's comment. She knew that a lot of people around here thought she was nuts, especially Serena, to know that someone other than Blair might see what she saw in Marcus gave her a warm feeling inside, and she found herself pulling the young girl into a hug. "Thank you."

Pulling away, Jocelyn spotted the clock in the back ground and gave a small gasp. "Shit Jenny it's already seven thirty. We've got to go."

Jenny nodded and just as she did, she noticed something else. Blair's handbag was sitting on the ground, this could be perfect. She gave a quick secretive smile to Jocelyn before giving a light kick to the bag, sending it scooting it under Serena's bed. After exchanging a scheming look with Jocelyn, Jenny hurried forward and slid between Serena and Blair. "We've got to go or we are going to miss our dinner reservation." She spoke linking her arm with each girl and walking them towards the exit. As they walked, Jenny knew it was her responsibility to keep Blair distracted long enough that she forgot her bag. So she turned to Serena. "I see that you are the only one who chose to wear a dress that I didn't help create?"

Serena smiled and gave a slight shrug. "It's DVF, do you like?" She said with a quick gesture at the tight black and pink dress that accented her curves.

"I love it!" Jenny exclaimed as they walked down the steps where they immediately saw the guys waiting in the living room. Jenny laughed at the realization that they were playing Halo; they must have been ready for a while. Hurrying everyone along and exclaiming that they were going to be late, Jenny did her job sliding over to Nate, Serena, and Dan as everyone exited the elevator.

Nate looked at her with a smile. "You're riding with us right?"

"Of course." Jenny replied before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I just have to go tell Blair something." Turning away from Nate she backed up to where Blair was near the back. "Where's your purse B?" She asked quietly, she knew that it wouldn't work if Nate, Dan, and Serena heard since they hadn't been informed of the plan.

Blair placed a hand to her forehead in realization. "I left it in the bedroom! I knew I was forgetting something. I'll be right back." She spoke before turning and slipping away.

Jenny smiled, the only other person who'd seen was Jocelyn who returned her smile before gathering Eric and Marcus and hurrying them along as well.

* * *

Ugh, how could I be so forgetful! Blair thought to herself as she hurried up the stairs in the Van Der Woodsen-Bass apartment. They were going to be late and Gramercy Tavern wouldn't hold their reservation for long. She looked about the room frantically. Where the fuck was her bag? She was starting to get frustrated as she got down on her knees to check under the bed. FINALLY, she thought, spotting her black clutch just under the bedding. Grabbing the bag, she fled from the room, maybe they'd still make it on time.

When she arrived in the lobby, Blair noticed immediately that it was empty. She shrugged, they must be waiting outside; but when she walked out the door, she was startled to find that there was no one there. Glad she had her bag now, Blair slipped out her phone and dialed the one person she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt would have their phone on and waited for him to pick up.

"Blair?" Marcus asked, doing his best to sound confused. "Is everything okay in the other car?"

They didn't know they'd left her. If Marcus thought she was in the other car, then that car probably thought she was riding with Jocelyn and Marcus. "I'm still at the apartment."

Marcus had to hold back a chuckle, their plan had worked perfectly now Blair would have no choice but to take his car. "What? How did that happen? I thought you were riding in the other car? I'll have Joss turn around and come get you."

Blair shook her head slightly ready to laugh. This was so like something that would happen to them. "I assume that they thought I was with you guys, I had to run upstairs and grab my purse. But you guys don't need to turn around, I can just hail a cab and meet you at the restaurant."

"I have a better idea." Marcus said, doing his best not to sound too excited. "Roland is still at the hotel I'll just give him a call and have him pick you up." Blair considered saying no but in her pause Marcus spoke again. "Don't argue Blair, I insist. After all it's our fault you got left behind."

Blair found herself smiling as she relented. "Okay fine. Besides I'd like to see Roland." Marcus had rehired Roland the day that he'd sent her home to New York; Roland was the one who'd driven her to the airport, but she hadn't seen her old friend since.

"Brilliant. We'll see you soon then." Marcus said before snapping his phone shut and immediately dialing Roland. "Yes, it's time. Blair's waiting out front." As he closed his phone once more he looked at Jocelyn and Jenny. "It's up to Chuck now."

* * *

Blair smiled brightly as Roland opened her car door. Immediately she wrapped her arms around him. "It's good to see you."

Roland returned both her smile and her hug. "It's good to see you too, Princess."

Blair shook her head slightly, still smiling, as she allowed him to help her in. "I'm not a Princess anymore." She spoke teasingly.

"To me, you will always be a Princess." Roland spoke just before he closed her door. He was so happy he could hardly stand it. When Marcus had informed him of the plans for tonight he could hardly believe it and right now, he was bursting at the seams to tell her what was going on but he knew he could not. That was up to Chuck. He started driving immediately, talking amicably with Blair along the way. His goal for the moment was to keep her as distracted as possible since they were going in the opposite direction of the restaurant that she thought they were headed for; however, it wasn't long before she realized something was up.

Blair looked out the window, noticing that they were passing the Met,_ what the fuck? _"Uh Roland, where are we going?"

Roland glanced back at Blair through the rearview mirror. "Relax, Princess, everything is exactly as it should be."

Blair couldn't deny that terror was beginning to fill her. Of course she thought Roland was her friend but he was still under Marcus's employ, what if Marcus was having her kidnapped? This was her worst nightmare come true and now Roland was speaking in riddles. "Stop the car and let me out immediately!" Blair cried, knowing that she was nearing hysteria.

Roland almost laughed. "I'm not kidnapping you. Just sit tight for five more minutes and we'll be there."

Blair began to squirm in the backseat trying not to panic. She'd try the door handles but she knew this car model, the backseat doors only opened from the outside. With nothing left to do, she sat still, crossing her arms over her chest. When the car stopped her jaw dropped open. "What are we doing here?" She asked, her voice filled with worry and awe.

Roland got out of the car and opened the door. "Go inside and find out. I'll be waiting out here." As he spoke he smiled reassuringly and he could tell that it calmed Blair.

Her heart was pounding as she looked at the building before her. It was a building that she hadn't been inside since February, a building she never thought she'd be inside again. It was her childhood home; the one she'd sold after her mom died. The situation no longer felt particularly fishy, she trusted Marcus now and she definitely trusted Roland; so she turned to the driver and gave him a slight nod before turning and walking towards the grand glass doors of the building.

"We've been expecting you Miss. Waldorf." The doorman spoke, as Blair walked through the doors of her building once more. Surprise hit her as she realized that Mr. Jamison was still the doorman, for some reason she thought that things would have changed while she was gone; yet she couldn't spot a single difference.

Blair smiled at the doorman in wonder as she continued to walk forward. Passing the doorman's station Mr. Fredrickson smiled as well. "I've already buzzed you up Miss. Waldorf."

* * *

Serena looked down at her watch frustrated by the traffic. "We're going to miss our reservation."

Dan squeezed her hand. "Too bad Chuck isn't here. We all know he'd just whisper a few words in the hostesses head and all would be forgiven."

Nate smiled, Dan was so right it hurt. He missed his best friend. He'd forgiven him for what happened with Jenny probably before he'd forgiven himself and now he just wanted his friend back. "None of us ever had the kind of persuasive power that Chuck possessed."

"Chuck was always the one we went to when we really needed something to get done. He'd always know how to handle the problem." Serena spoke, a certain sadness in her voice.

Jenny had been sitting there quietly so as not to spill the secret she was helping to keep too early but she couldn't hold it any longer. "Stop it. Just stop it." Everyone's eyes flew to her immediately. "You keep talking about him like he's dead. Chuck's not dead."

Nate pulled Jenny closer to him. He could see that she was upset. "Hey it's okay. I mean we know he isn't dead we just don't know that we're every going to get our friend back."

Jenny shook her head, knowing she was about to spill their secret when she saw Gramercy Tavern ahead. Thank God. She thought to herself as she climbed out the car. The plan was for everyone to tell them together. She didn't want to be responsible for the backlash by herself. Rushing in to the restaurant she found that the rest of their party had already been seated.

Nate was the first to notice who was missing. "Where's Blair?" He asked looking across the table at the other car load, noticing that there wasn't even an empty seat; clearly she wasn't coming. "What the fuck is going on?" He asked looking from Joss and Marcus to Jenny and Eric realizing that whatever this was, it was connected with Jenny's erratic behavior in the car.

Serena and Dan walked into the back room just in time to hear Nate's questions but neither had anything to add. Eric knew it was supposed to be him who said the next part but all of the sudden, he lost his words. He had this elaborate speech planed about what had happened but now he could only say three words. "She's with Chuck."

Nate, Serena, and Dan's jaws dropped. As they looked at the rest of the group they realized quickly that everyone except for the three of them had known. "Explain." Dan spoke, being the first to manage words.

Jocelyn nodded, she was up. "Chuck contacted me a few days ago, asking me to look out for Blair and help keep her away from the suite so that he could search it for help regaining his memory. The next time I spoke to him he asked me to arrange a way for him to see Blair completely by herself. He had this whole plan worked out, he told me to involve Jenny and Eric, said that they would help out."

Realization hit Dan like a truck. "Chuck has his memory back."

"We don't know that." Spoke Jenny softly, even though it pained her because really she wanted Chuck to remember everything so that he and Blair would be okay again.

Dan nodded looking around at everyone else, his face perplexed. "You really don't see it?" He asked waiting to see if any of the rest of them might catch it. When everyone gave negative responses Dan laughed a little. "The old Chuck Bass hated you Jenny, I think we all remember the Kiss on the Lips Party and he barely knew Eric, he didn't remember that Eric was ever his step brother. For him to have indicated that Joss should include them he would have to trust them or at least know what those two are capable of." He said gesturing towards the two younger members of the group.

Serena looked at Dan with an awed expression on her face. "You're right. You have to be right. For him to have thought about them, he'd have to actually know them!" The smile on her face was so bright. It was as though everything was finally falling into place. Jenny and Nate were back together, she and Dan were great, Chuck and Blair would get their happily ever after, she was even happy for Marcus and Jocelyn and she didn't actually like either of them.

"Oh. My. God." Jenny said, shaking her head as a smile formed on her face. "Oh my God." The tears that were suddenly sliding down her face weren't tears of sadness because she was fairly certain she'd never been happier. And then she was laughing and crying and everyone was laughing and crying and it was all like it was supposed to be; or it would be, soon.

* * *

There was nothing she could do but smile as she stepped into the elevator. She would say that she had no idea what was going on but her heart was saying otherwise. Her heart was telling her that she knew exactly what was happening. As the elevator doors opened she smiled at the familiarity of everything. It all looked exactly as it had the last time she'd been here; but there was a vase filled with fresh pink peonies on the table in the foyer. Walking forward she couldn't help but laugh as happiness began to fill her. The deed to the apartment was on the table in front of the flowers. "Chuck." She called out, laughter still filling her voice. Her heart soared as Chuck stepped into view at the top of the stairs.

"God you're beautiful." He spoke the second his eyes landed on her. His entire body was filled with so many emotions, all of which he wanted to show her, to experience with her. He had to or he would never manage to fill the Blair Waldorf shaped hole in his heart.

Blair smiled as knowledge of their current circumstance seeped in. Her heart slammed against the walls of her chest in excitement, as it screamed that he had remembered; he had to, why else would they be here in her house. But Blair Waldorf's brain had always managed to overrule her heart. It was that fact alone that prevented her from leaping into Chuck's arms and caused her to ask questions she would otherwise have left for a later time. "I know that you paid off Newhouse, it was fairly obvious." She spoke, completely off topic from what she wanted to say.

Chuck's eyebrows rose, that was not quite the reaction he had expected. Blair's walls were up, he mentally kicked himself for being surprised about that. He shrugged at her statement, he didn't really care if she knew about his deal with Newhouse, after all, he'd done it to help her. "Well, Newhouse was easy to buy off and I wanted to make sure your plan was successful. Was it?" He asked, although he already knew the answer from Tyler.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Please Chuck don't play ignorant. We both know you already know how it went. That being said you should fire Andrew Tyler. I realized he was following me three days ago."

Chuck actually laughed at Blair's suggestion. It was funny that she had finally caught Tyler, perhaps she was being more observant since she was on the look out for media or perhaps Tyler had gotten too complacent with his assignment. "That's almost good news actually. Since he kept himself hidden from view for almost an entire month, I think his job is safe."

"You've been having me followed for a month?" Blair asked, her mouth dropping open. Even if Chuck remembered now, he certainly hadn't a month ago. That meant he started having her followed before he knew anything.

Chuck simply nodded. "Since the first day you visited me at the hospital."

At the mention of the hospital, Blair was uncomfortable and felt the need to change the subject once more. "What are we doing here in my old house?" She asked, her hands still resting on the deed.

Chuck smiled slightly, swaggering down the stairs. "I bought the apartment when you sold it. I couldn't imagine anyone living here other than you and I thought that if you ever came home you'd need somewhere to go. All I wanted was for you to come home."

"How do you know that?" Blair asked her voice shaking slightly, "Because I can assure you I didn't know so it wasn't something I've told you."

Chuck smirked slightly as he reached the landing and instead of answering her question he gestured to the deed. "Under the papers for the apartment you'll find acceptance letters from Yale and Columbia."

Blair's eyes widened as she moved the apartment papers to the side. Just as promised there were letters of acceptance from both schools. "But. . .how?" She asked in wonder. "I didn't apply anywhere other than Oxford. I thought it would only give me false hope; more reason to be angry at my circumstances. I didn't even know that you knew."

"Of course I knew Blair." At this Chuck smiled, rather proud of himself. "I never gave up hope Blair, not until that last letter. So I applied for you."

Blair's eyes were still open in amazement, her lips slightly parted. "Thank you, for everything." Her earlier attitude was gone, her defenses beginning to lower.

Chuck ran a hand over his hair, tousling what was once perfectly coiffed before speaking in a low voice. "I'm the one who should be thanking you."

Just as Blair was about to step forward and ask the question she was almost dreading she saw something else under her own acceptance letters. Picking up three sheets of paper she found acceptance letters from Princeton, NYU, and Columbia for Chuck. Her eyes looked up to meet his. "You're planning on staying in the city."

Chuck nodded, almost nervous about everything he still had to tell Blair. "Before I became a little unhinged, my father and I discussed it and decided it would be best if I stayed here or just across the turnpike at Princeton to begin learning the business."

"But you still applied to Yale for me, knowing that I would be several hours away?" Blair asked, fully aware of the kind of sacrifice that was for Chuck.

Chuck nodded once more. "Yale was your dream Blair. If it was what you wanted, you deserved the option. Plus there's always the Bass Jet."

Her mind was still telling her to hesitate, to take things slowly and figure out whether or not he remembered before jumping in; but her heart was pounding and pleading with great desperation for her to surge forward and throw her arms around his neck. So she compromised, taking a tentative step towards Chuck as she spoke. "Do you remember?"

"What do you think?" Chuck asked, a slight smirk appearing on his face once more.

Blair shook her head slowly as she spoke. "That you remember everything, but I don't know how it's possible." Her mind was still telling her heart that it was wrong, speaking in such a loud voice that her heart couldn't quite drown it out.

When Chuck spoke again the smirk grew as he allowed himself to adopt the mannerisms of a time he'd once forgotten. "You know they say if you love something you should set it free." Though instead of backing up as he had done the first time he said the words he was slowly walking forward. "Though if I remember correctly a wise woman once claimed that if you hate something you should slam the door in its face."

Blair's jaw had slipped open as comprehension filled her; he remembered…he really remembered. And with two quick steps he was in her arms and she was laughing. "You're really back. How? How did you do it?"

Chuck didn't answer, instead he just nuzzled her neck as he gripped her tightly. He inhaled deeply absorbing her scent before he told her of one more obstacle that they were going to have to overcome. He never wanted to let her go. As greatly as his body was crying out for him to press his lips against her waiting ones, he didn't because it wouldn't be fair to her. He would be kissing her under false pretenses. He wasn't afraid of losing her; he knew now that that was impossible. Nothing they ever did would be enough to separate them. Perhaps because they each knew that the other would never intentionally cause them pain. So it wasn't losing her he was afraid of; it was taking advantage of the moment, of Blair, when there were still things, terrible things, that she didn't know.

"I mean I thought you were in New York days ago but I wasn't certain until the Gossip Girl blast came this morning." Blair spoke, still holding him tightly, almost not believing he was really in her arms.

Chuck pulled away just enough to look at her, a confused expression on his face. "How did you know? I was so careful."

Blair rolled her eyes. "First mistake, you were staying at the Palace. I saw you once at the bar. Second mistake, Andrew Tyler is not even inconspicuous when he follows people around; even Dan Humphrey knew we were being tailed. Third mistake, you contacted Jocelyn."

"Forbes told you?" Chuck asked cutting in out of surprise by their old friend's betrayal.

Blair simply shook her head. "Of course not. But Jocelyn's eyes widened a little too far when I needed to come back for my charger and later when your name came up she got too quiet. So I put the pieces together around the time I found out you arranged for the Vogue shoot, something that was completely unnecessary."

Chuck smirked. "You can't deny that it was a good idea though." Blair smiled slyly and Chuck added. "It wasn't that I thought you needed me . . ."

Whatever Chuck was going to say, he didn't get to finish as Blair interrupted. "I always need you." She spoke softly before placing her hand on the side of his face. She hadn't failed to notice that Chuck had yet to kiss her and she knew there was something holding him back. He shouldn't be able to keep his hands off her, she knew that she was having a hard time restraining herself. Not wanting to come out and ask what the problem was now she resolved to probe around and find out. "I still don't know how you got your memory back." Blair chided as she led him to her favorite settee.

"Don't you?" Chuck asked with a curious tilt of his head as he sat down, pulling her back flush against him. She shook her head as though she was at a loss. "It was you." He supplied finally.

Blair turned from her position until she faced him. "You mean me giving you the iPod." She spoke in a correctional manner.

Chuck shook his head. "No. The iPod helped, but in the end it was simply you." Looking into Blair's eyes, he saw wonder, love, and a desire to understand, so he continued. "As you've already surmised I went to the Suite at the Palace on Saturday while you were at the photo shoot. That's where I found the deed and the acceptance letters. But that didn't help me to remember. It wasn't until I was going to sleep on the pillow that you'd been sleeping on that it happened."

"What happened?" Blair asked, her voice soft, probing.

Chuck smiled slightly as he leaned forward and inhaled her once more. "I smelled you." He pulled back again. "I smelled you and it all came rushing back."

Blair felt a shiver slide up her spine as Chuck spoke and her heart filled with everything she had been missing. "God I love you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't remembered."

Chuck smiled the smile he reserved for her alone as he brushed his fingers along her jaw, her face melting into his hand. "You'll never have to find out."

"Promise." Blair spoke, reaching her hand up to cover his.

Chuck flipped his hand, lacing his fingers through her own as he brought her hand to his lips. "I promise."

Blair leaned forward , pulling herself into his lap, her lips inching closer by the second. Chuck shivered as her fought the urge to press his lips against hers. He was losing the fight when he felt a sudden surge of love for her that made him strong enough to pull away. "Wait." He spoke, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

She'd been assiduously ignoring the abnormalities in Chuck's behavior. The Chuck she knew would have already had her clothes torn to shreds or if they were important enough he would have delicately removed them, but the point was the same, Chuck would have already been inside of her, he wouldn't have been able to keep his hands or his lips off her own. Yet today, on the day of their reunion Chuck was completely avoiding touching her anywhere that might have been construed as inappropriate. She could no longer ignore or deny it; there was something off with him. "What's wrong?" She asked, her voice soft, compassionate perhaps there was something wrong with him, what if something had changed?

Chuck leaned forward and placed his forehead against her own. "I have to tell you something." Chuck could feel his heart pounding against his rib cage, he didn't want to do this, he didn't want to cause her pain, the simple thought of doing so was causing excruciating pain for himself.

Blair heard the raw pain in his voice and was consumed with worry. What could possibly have him so anguished? "You can tell me anything." She spoke her voice sincere because it was the truth. No matter how bad it was she could take it, they would survive, they could survive anything.

Chuck closed his eyes and swallowed, his throat raw. When he spoke again his voice was low, but quick. He had to get it out before he changed his mind. "In my first letter to you, you probably remember me mentioning an attempt to move on and get over you."

And just like that Blair knew what Chuck was about to tell her. Her first instinct was to laugh, something she knew she would do as soon as he had finished but she resolved that she owed him more than that. From the sound of his voice, Chuck's conscience was eating at him about his night with Jenny and she knew from experience that he needed to tell her himself before she could absolve him of his guilt or else he would forever feel as though he'd betrayed her, as though he'd gotten off easy. "I remember. But I forgave you for that a long time ago." She spoke, her words true.

Chuck nodded as he took her hand in his, flipping it over and tracing the lines on her palm before placing a kiss on her wrist. "The person I slept with was Jenny." His eyes were still closed and Blair had yet to say anything but he could feel her shaking, so it was with great trepidation that he looked up from her wrist and met her eyes. What he saw there was the greatest surprise of his life. The shaking he'd felt in her wrist and assumed was crying was actually silent laughter. "I'm serious." Chuck spoke, his tone almost angry that she wasn't taking him seriously as he was determined to do this right.

Blair couldn't help but smile as a not so silent laugh escaped. Chuck was beginning to look agitated at what he assumed was her disbelief of the situation, so she knew that she had to say something. Taking the hand that Chuck wasn't currently holding and placing it against his face. "Oh Chuck, I know you are."

"What?" Chuck asked jerking back slightly. "Then why are you laughing?" Realization hit him, she'd already known which could only mean that Jenny had told her. "Jenny beat me to it?" He asked his voice containing a mystified quality.

Blair nodded slightly. "By a couple of months actually." She chuckled.

Chuck's eyes were wide. "And you let me agonize over it anyway?" He asked, slight indignation filling his senses at Blair's seemingly stoic face as he spoke.

"You needed absolution and I couldn't give it to you any other way." She spoke a smile lighting her features.

Chuck just shook his head. "I should have known you knew when Nate came home and punched me after he found out at the wedding but I wasn't thinking. That is when you found out isn't it, the wedding?"

Blair gave a noncommittal gesture. "Yes and no." She paused but continued when she saw the confused look on Chuck's face. "Jenny told me at the wedding but I've known since Christmas."

Chuck's eyes shot open. "CHRISTMAS? You've known since Christmas? Why didn't you say something? Or for that matter confront me about?"

"I overheard Jenny tell Dan and then I heard you telling Serena." Blair said with a slight shrug. "I don't think I was ever mad. I was surprised at first, yes, but never angry. I think I felt grateful that you'd both had someone to comfort you. I was worried about both of you and that you were there for each other was actually almost a relief. I didn't see a point in bringing it up."

Chuck just shook his head in wonder. "It's been killing me ever since but Jenny had begged me not to tell her secret. She wanted to be the one to tell Nate and I didn't want to hurt you when we weren't even together. . ."

Chuck likely would have continued for another couple of minutes so Blair decided to save him the trouble and finish any remaining pardoning him for what he considered to be a mistake. "I know, Jenny told me everything and like I said before I forgave you for that a long time ago. In all actuality there was nothing to forgive."

"You're an angel." Chuck spoke leaning forward, placing both hands on either side of her face. He brought his lips in to place a single kiss on her lips, one that could only be considered chaste.

Pulling back she spoke, her lips moving against his. "I'm no angel."

Chuck smirked his lips touching hers once more. As he pulled away he spoke his voice low. "You're my angel."

Blair kissed him again, this time allowing the kiss to deepen. Kissing him now was different than kissing him in the hospital. That had been almost experimental on his part, this kiss was filled with the passion and love that only resulted from sharing a history like theirs. Pulling away she looked into his eyes. "I'd settle for just being yours."

Looking desperately into her eyes Chuck saw everything he'd missed when he'd lost his memory, and everything he'd missed when she was married to another man. "You are mine. And God Blair I hope you know I'm yours."

She nodded, snaking her arms around him. "I know. We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. We could never belong to anyone else."

Chuck sat there drinking her in, her sight, her smell, the feel of her under his fingertips. His hands grazed down to her stomach where he could feel the bulge. He looked down at his fingers. "And we're having a baby."

Blair found herself smiling. She could hear happiness in Chuck's voice and it was all she could ever want. Her biggest fear was that Chuck wouldn't want her to keep the baby but she could tell simply by the placement of his hands that the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "We're having a baby." She repeated in affirmation.

Chuck's eyes returned to hers, filled with all of the love he possessed. "You're incredible. You did this all on your own."

"Actually, it required quite a bit from you." Blair said with a coy smile on her face.

Chuck shook his head with a smirk. "That's not what I meant and you know it." He paused, his fingers tracing lines on her belly. "You've dealt with this by yourself the entire time I've been gone."

Blair just smiled softly as she leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. "Happy Birthday." She spoke, her voice as soft as her smile. "I'm sorry I don't have you a gift, I didn't think I'd be seeing you today."

Chuck shook his head. "You've already given me the greatest gift anyone could give. I have you, I have my memory, and you, you beautiful woman are carrying my child. There's nothing else I could want."

Blair's soft smile broke out all across her face at Chuck's happiness. "You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. I didn't know how you'd feel about the baby."

Chuck felt angry indignation slide into his conscious at the thought that there was still a part of Blair that might doubt him; but he wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself. "Anything that's a part of you I would love." He spoke looking into her eyes, needing her to understand more than he needed to breathe. "And this baby is a part of us. It's something we created together, a symbol of what we mean to each other. I haven't stopped thinking of baby names since I realized what you meant to me, which by the way was before I remembered."

"It's a girl." She spoke quietly, imparting him with knowledge she'd only learned a few days ago herself.

Chuck couldn't help the unguarded smile that filled his face. "In that case I have a proposition." Chuck paused, watching as Blair tilted her head to the side, ready to hear what he had to say. "What do you think of naming her Eleanor after your mother? We could call her Ella."

Blair felt the tears spring to her ears before she could get a word out. She didn't try to stop them as they slid down her face and she wrapped her arms around Chuck. "Oh, Chuck. I love you. I love you so much."

Chuck rubbed her back as he held her close, never wanting to let her go ever again. "I love you too Blair and I want to marry you and have as many children as you want, I'd be okay with an entire houseful if it's what makes you happy." He was babbling and running out of breath and all he wanted to do was kiss her, when he said something he'd promised himself that he wouldn't. "Go to Columbia." He paused, surprised at the words that had slipped from his lips, as well as the desperation he heard present in them. "Please." He found himself uttering.

Blair pulled back to look at him, he was hers all hers, how could he think that she could bear to be away from him ever again? "I couldn't leave if I wanted to and I don't want to."

"But Yale was your dream Blair." Chuck spoke, ashamed at what he was asking her to give up.

Blair just shook her head. "Yale _**was **_my dream. Dreams change." She gave a shrug. "Now all I want is you. Of course I'll go to Columbia. I was even thinking I might defer for a semester or even a year to be with you and . . . Ella. I don't want our children being raised by nannies like we were. As much as I love Dorota, her love couldn't replace my mother's."

Chuck nodded resolutely. "If you defer, so will I. As for the kids I wouldn't have it any other way. They will never doubt how much their parents love them."

Blair's heart soared as she leaned into Chuck. "Marry me . . . right now."

"You don't want another big wedding?" Chuck asked his voice questioning. He didn't care himself but he wanted her to be happy and if she wanted the big church wedding again it was hers. Anything she wanted, it was hers.

Blair shook her head. "I just want you. We could go somewhere tropical and bring the people that matter with us. That's all I want."

Chuck smiled. "We'll get it all sorted out tomorrow. For tonight, I think we need to get properly reunited." He spoke, leaning forward and kissing her, his tongue flicking across her lips asking for permission to enter. As she granted him such, he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into her mouth. Without warning he rearranged himself, taking her into his arms as he stood, carrying her with him bridal style up to her bedroom.

Blair moved her kisses to Chuck's neck so he could see as he climbed the stairs but when they reached her room she gasped aloud. It was the most romantic setup she'd ever seen, complete with rose petals and candles. "It's beautiful."

"Yes you are." Chuck said looking down at her as he walked to the bed, gently laying her down.

Blair reached out to him, pulling him down with her, where they slowly, agonizingly removed each others clothing piece by piece; placing kisses on each patch of newly bared skin as they proceeded. They were reacquainting themselves with one another's body in a way that was completely different from anything either of them had experienced before. Everything was a rediscovery of something special and tender. Chuck fluttered kisses along her jaw as she tightened her hold on him. "I love you Chuck, so much it hurts. I'll never stop."

"I love you too Blair." Chuck said kissing her deeply. He pulled back slightly to look in her eyes as he whispered his next words against her lips. "Always have, always will."

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**THE END! Oh my goodness. Granted I still have my epilogue to post but this is a crazy moment for me. I hope you've enjoyed this fanfic as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Reviews are of course appreciated. And the four girls' dresses are all on my profile if you want to check them out. **

**Thanks again guys!**

**xoxo**  
**kate**


	66. Epilogue: The First Day of Forever Pt 1

AHHH so here it is, the Epilogue presented in two parts! I would have had it up earlier but sorority rush has been rough since I live in the house now and have basically practicing 24/7. BUT round 3 is today so only one more left to go! So I'm posting part one tonight and part two next week then hopefully I will be caught up enough with my class work to update another fanfic the following week. It's been a long journey more than two years in the making but we've finally reached the finish line. I hope you like the concept since it's what I eventually with it. I told the rest of their stories through weddings which was a little more dicey than I expected. Anyways, enjoy and seriously thank you for sticking around.

**A note:** I have photographs of Jocelyn's dress/bridesmaids, Serena's dress/bridesmaids, Jenny's dress/bridesmaids, and Blair's dress on my profile, you pretty much know the drill with that by now. They're under The Games We Play Extras. Also for anyone who's curious about the ages (I did this using a character from each group): Jocelyn's wedding: Jocelyn's 22, Blair's 20, Jenny's 18: Serena's wedding: Jocelyn's 25, Blair's 23, and Jenny's 21: Jenny's wedding: Jocelyn's 28, Blair's 26, and Jenny's 24. (Blair's is kinda self-explanatory: Jocelyn's 20, Blair's 18, Jenny's 16)

TO MY ABSO-FREAKING-LUTLY AHHHMAZING REVIEWERS: **ana-12, xoxogg4lifexoxo, CBBW3words8letters, tvrox12, LitPrincess2787, SouthernBelle88, annablake, Taiyo To Tsuki No Megami, CarolinaGirl21, LovelyLydia, wrighthangal, GGfanficfan09 and smartin555.** You stuck with it all the way through to the epilogue and I couldn't be more grateful. I don't believe there's a more wonderful set of reviewers out there! I love you guys!

And to my AMAZING beta **ggff-fan **I couldn't do this without you! Seriously!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl

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Blair looked at her reflection in the mirror and smiled. She loved the way the long dress flowed. Today would be perfect. The decorations were perfect, the dresses were perfect, the entire wedding would be perfect. She smiled as she felt a kick to her abdomen. The baby was so strong and getting livelier every day. She turned, hearing the door to the dressing room open to reveal Jenny. "Hey." She said with a smile at her friend.

Jenny returned her smile. "So what do you think of the finished product?" She asked gesturing at hers and Blair's dresses. Blair's a floor length red dress with a low cut bodice and thicker straps adorned with rhinestone detail and hers a strapless dress that flared near the waist and ended well below her knees, it had intricate detailing around the midsection.

"I think they're beautiful Jenny, you did a fabulous job." Blair replied earnestly, looking between Jenny and her own reflection in the mirror, "I saw Serena's earlier." Blair added, remembering the red halter dress that was form fitting on the curvy blond. "Jocelyn looks beautiful too."

Jenny smiled her thanks before looking around the room in confusion. "Where is the bride to be?"

Blair gave a slight lift of her shoulders, sending her curls bouncing. The bridal party had all opted to wear it down. "She went to find Kate and Justine. Kate's already dressed; her gown is beautiful too by the way." Blair spoke of the other bridesmaid's dress. It was similar to hers only not so low cut, more of a tank top style.

"Her dress took more hours than I want to count." Jenny spoke, speaking of Jocelyn's 'Waldorf Original' gown. She had slaved away over it for days on end but the dress had turned out perfectly so she was satisfied.

Blair walked over and hugged Jenny. She knew the younger girl was worn out after doing the dresses for the bridesmaids and the bride by herself in only a few weeks' time. Jocelyn was so fickle that she had changed what she wanted so many times they'd almost run out of time to get everything done. "Everything's turned out beautifully my little designer. I'm sorry I couldn't help more, I'm just not very artistic."

Jenny shook her head. "No, you're really not." Both girls laughed. Blair had tried to help where she could, the rhinestone placement had been her idea and while accessorizing and fashion knowledge were weapons in her arsenal, actual designing was something she was an abject failure at, though it seemed that the business aspect of the company was her forte above all else. Since she'd taken over control of Waldorf Designs, the company had shot to one of the biggest names in the fashion industry. It didn't hurt that she had the Bass name as well as her own now; she knew it held clout in the business world. While not quite the head designer, she had Jenny doing a lot of the official design work and things had been going brilliantly.

Blair pulled back as a tiny child came rushing into the room, her dark blonde curls bouncing free of her headband. "Mommy!" She cried running straight to Blair.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing here? Where's Daddy?" Blair asked lifting her little girl up into her arms. She could hardly believe that Ella was about to turn two, it didn't seem so long ago that she'd been pregnant with her. Ella shrugged the picture of innocence as she shook her short curls back and forth.

Blair's answer came in the arrival of an out of breath Chuck. "Eleanor Charlotte Bass! Running away is not something we do."

Ella frowned at the use of her whole name and looked as though she was about to cry, turning her head into Blair's chest and away from her father. Blair looked at Chuck pointed, hissing. "What was that? Remember we don't yell at our children unless it's really serious."

Chuck's features softened but remained stern. "I wasn't yelling. . ." He started but a look from Blair made him backtrack. "Okay, I was, but I just got scared. She just ran off."

Blair knit her eyebrows. "It's a church full of friends and family. Where did you think she was going to go?"

"Yeah it's a church this time. Next time it might be Central Park and then what? What happens when are little girl runs off somewhere we can't catch her?" He paused, watching Blair's face soften in understanding. "I don't want to lose her ever. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her. I'm sorry, she wanted to see you and I said you were busy. The next thing I knew she was running."

Blair sighed slightly as she realized why Chuck was so angry. Lifting her daughter's chin to check for tears she realized that little Ella was sniffling but her eyes were still dry. "Do you think that you can apologize to Daddy for running off?"

Ella looked up at her mom, biting her lip slightly in a way that Blair did herself when making decisions before giving a curt nod. "I'm sorry Daddy. Don't be mad at me I love you."

"I love you too. And I'm not mad, I was just scared because I didn't know where you went." Chuck replied, placing a kiss on his daughters forehead. "Promise you won't ever do that again."

Ella smirked. "I promise, if you won't tell me I can't see mommy ever again."

Chuck sighed audible, backing down.

Jenny laughed darkly. "Ahh the terrible twos." She laughed harder at the look of death Chuck shot her.

Blair just shook her head at the two of them and snuggled her daughter. "I'm never too busy for you Ella."

Ella smiled holding tightly to her mother. "I know, that's what I told Daddy but he said I had to go sit with Grandma Lily."

"You should have let her be the flower girl." Jocelyn said, rolling her eyes as she marched into the room.

Blair shook her head. "She's much too young Joss or you know I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Besides I'm sure Justine will be just as perfect for you as she was for me."

Jocelyn crossed her arms with a huff. "If you think she's going to be so perfect, you go get her to put on her dress."

Blair sighed, balancing Ella on her hip as she reached into her reticule to call Kate. If she wasn't the Maid (or Matron) of Honor she might complain. "Kate darling, it's Blair, just bring Justine in here. Yes I'm sure." She then walked over to Jocelyn and placed a hand on the anxious bride's shoulder. "Don't worry sweetie, everything is going to be fine."

"That's easy for you to say. You've done this three times." Jocelyn said, her nerves that everything wasn't going to be perfect were beginning to get the better of her.

Blair smiled in response, keeping herself cool and collected. "Which is exactly why I know that everything will be perfect. You look beautiful, the church looks amazing, everyone's here. It's all going to be perfect."

Jocelyn placated as Blair turned toward her little girl. "Do you think you're ready to go sit with Grandma Lily?" She asked, her response was a bouncy nod. Blair gave Ella a quick kiss on the forehead before handing her to a waiting Chuck.

Jenny immediately stepped in. "You should be ready up front with Marcus, Nate, Eric, and Marcus's brother or did you forget that you agreed to be the bestman again?" She asked Chuck reaching for Ella herself. "I'll take this little angel to Lily."

Chuck relinquished his daughter to the waiting blond. "Be good for your Aunt Jenny." Chuck spoke to his little girl. It was no secret Ella had him wrapped around her little finger from the moment she came into the world. She was the spitting image of Blair, except for her eyes; she had his eyes, his mother's eyes. And the hair of course. It was the same texture as Blair's but it was dark blonde, something no one had expected. When they'd asked around they found out that both of their father's had been blond in their youth and it was something that sometimes skipped a generation.

"Of course Daddy." She said giving him a kiss as she went willingly to her Aunt Jenny's arms.

Chuck turned to Blair, kissing her lightly on her lips. "You my wife, look beautiful." He said as he pulled away, Blair grabbed tightly onto his tie pulling his mouth back to hers. She deepened the kiss quickly, snaking her arms around Chuck's neck and wrapping them into his hair. Their display would likely have continued for several more minutes if Jocelyn hadn't cleared her throat.

As the pair broke apart Jocelyn made a show of rolling her eyes. "I guess I get why you two are always pregnant. You can't keep your hands off each other." She said, not failing to notice that Chuck was still practically groping Blair.

"You look magnificent Forbes." Chuck said, tearing himself away from Blair and turning on his normal suaveness. "I should be going anyway, I was due at the front of the church ten minutes ago."

Blair gave Chuck a quick kiss goodbye and a whisper of a promise of what the evening would hold. Sometimes she had trouble realizing that all of this was real life, that she and Chuck were really married with their second child on the way. And after everything that had happened two years ago, Chuck and Marcus were actually friends now. It had taken longer with them than it had with everyone other than Serena who was still holding out; but when Chuck and Marcus had been left alone one night back in New York something happened that no one could quite explain and now while not the best of friends, there was a strange understanding and kinship between them.

As Chuck fled the room, Jocelyn did not miss the fact that he gave Blair's ass a squeeze but this time she kept her mouth shut as Kate walked into room carrying Justine's dress, and tugging Justine herself along behind her. Jocelyn watched the change that came over the eight year old's features the second she spotted Blair. "Auntie Blair!" She cried rushing into Blair's arms.

"Hello sweetie." She hugged the little blond before pulling back slightly. "Now what's this I hear about you refusing to put on your flower girl dress?"

A frown appeared on Justine's cherubic features as she spoke. "I don't want a new aunt. I want you to be my aunt not her." She said gesturing towards Jocelyn who was doing her best to look angry rather than upset.

Blair frowned. "Darling, I still love you just as much as I always did and I'll always be your aunt." She had never realized quite the effect that she'd had on the little girl until now. She didn't know how much Justine cared.

Justine just shook her head stubbornly, the smallest signs of a tantrum emerging. "But why doesn't Uncle Marcus love you anymore? Why is he marrying her?"

Blair brushed a lock of hair behind the girl's ear. "Oh Justine, Marcus and I will always be friends but he loves Joss now and I love Chuck. Do you remember when Chuck and I came to visit last spring with Ella?" Justine nodded reluctantly and Blair continued. "See, we'll always be in your life and now you get to have _another_ aunt." She could see a little bit of the sparkle returning to Justine's eyes and turned her so they could both glance at Jocelyn. "Do you want to know a secret about Aunt Joss?" When Justine nodded adamantly Blair smiled. "She taught me everything I know about pretty much everything, boys, clothes, and of course headbands." She added with a wink even though she'd actually brought headbands to Jocelyn not the other way around.

"Really?" Justine asked with wide eyes as she gave Jocelyn an appraising look.

"Really." Blair affirmed nodding. "So do you think you're ready to get dressed and be her flower girl?" Justine nodded with a smile at Blair. "So what do you say to Aunt Jocelyn for the way you've been acting?" Blair knew she was pushing her luck but she was fairly certain that this would work.

Justine turned towards the blond bride and smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry Aunt Jocelyn, I didn't mean to be mean or anything, I just like Blair a lot."

"So do I." Jocelyn said with a smile. "And you can call me Aunt Joss if you'd like. It's what my friends call me, that is if you want to be friends." Jocelyn spoke as she extended a hand to the little girl.

Justine smiled, walking away from Blair and towards the pretty blond. "I want us to be friends." Justine looked at Joss's extended hand and instead gave her a hug, smiling. "You look very pretty."

Jocelyn smiled rather amazed. "Thank you sweetheart. Now do you think you might want to go put on the pretty red dress so that you'll match Aunt Blair?"

Justine nodded avidly and left with Kate to go get ready. Once they were gone, Jocelyn turned to Blair. "You know if I didn't love you I'd probably hate you. But as it is I can't even resent you regardless of the fact that Marcus's whole family adores you and hates me."

Blair walked, placing a comforting arm around her friend and smiling sadly. "They don't hate you, you just have to give it time. Besides you've already won Justine over, Kate will love you for that, and you are the love of Marcus's life; you aren't going anywhere." She assured.

"You say that but his Grandmother won't even talk to me and his parents don't acknowledge my opinion in anything." Jocelyn spoke frustrated, she had hoped that over time things would have changed but everything was exactly how it was when she and Marcus first started dating. Even his publicist wished she was Blair.

Blair stroked Jocelyn's hair gently. "Be your normal bitchy self to the Queen, she respects assertive women who aren't afraid to put her in her place. His mother hated me too and I didn't really know his father very well; so I can't be of much help there. But Kate is the key to Marcus's brother Jeffery and Justine will convince the other children. Just be yourself and they will all love you."

Jocelyn shook her head her frustration getting the better of her. "You don't get it. Even Marcus's mother compares everything about me to you. You said to give it time, I've given it two years. You were with Marcus for no more than seven months and I've been with him for more than two years but nothing seems to get them to realize that I'm not you. And don't think I didn't notice the fact that the Queen specifically asked to sit by you at dinner last night."

Blair sighed, unsure of how to explain to Jocelyn what needed to be said. "You don't know what Marcus was like before me. He wasn't the kind of person you would want to be married to. His whole family knew that, his family attributes the changes in Marcus to me. I gave them their Marcus back instead of the twisted guy he'd become. I think they are afraid that without me he'll eventually lose that." She paused seeing that while Jocelyn didn't like what she was saying, she seemed to understand it. "You don't need to get them to forget me or replace me with you, you need for them to see how wonderful you are on your own, you need them to see why Marcus loves you."

Jocelyn pulled Blair to her, hugging her. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You are the best maid of honor ever."

"I know." Blair replied with a smile. "You and Marcus deserve it." She looked at Jocelyn who was shaking slightly. "You aren't getting cold feet are you?" She asked, surprised.

Jocelyn shook her head. "No, of course not. I just want to get this over with. I want what you have." She said with a small smile at the brunette.

Blair returned her smile, only a little brighter. "Don't worry, you and Marcus are the real thing, just enjoy the wedding. After all, this is the just the first day of forever for you guys."

Jocelyn smiled at what was now a familiar saying of Blair's as Serena walked into the room. Jocelyn turned toward the door smiling as she saw the tall blond enter. "Oh brilliant you're here, I was worried." Serena had had been dealing with getting the men dressed and ready to go and there had been a few wardrobe malfunctions.

Serena rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I agreed to do this." She spoke sitting down. In truth she had known. The only one of their group that wasn't in the wedding was Dan and that was mostly because he was on a promotion tour for his book about what else, an outsider getting in. She knew he was a brilliant writer but she wasn't sure where his career would go after this, Dan was best when he was writing what he knows and he'd done that with this book. So without Dan there, if she wasn't in the wedding party then she would have been left out and that was still her greatest insecurity; she didn't want her friends to leave her behind. "Why did you ask me to be one of your bridesmaids anyway? Don't you hate me?" Serena asked as she looked at the pixie like blond.

Jocelyn walked towards Serena, a girl who she'd always thought was so different from herself, but she knew that they shared a lot of the same insecurities. "I've never hated you Serena. I didn't understand you when we were in high school and I hated your friend Georgina. But I never hated you. As for why I asked you to be one of my bridesmaids, it's partially because I want us to be friends and partially because I think there's something important that needs to happen today." At that she looked at Blair. "I think the two of you need to remember what you mean to each other."

Blair looked at Jocelyn shocked. "What are you talking about Joss? Serena and I are like best friends."

Jocelyn snuck a peak at Serena's face and noticed she didn't hold quite the look of outrage that Blair did and knew that her suspicions had been right. This had been something that she had wanted to do for a long time, ever since she talked to Jenny Humphrey on the day the rest of the group had graduated high school almost two years ago. "The 'like' is the part I have a problem with. Back when we were all in high school there was no 'like' about it. You two were the two best friends I knew. Yes I know things happened between now and then but you can't forget about that Blair. You two were practically sisters; don't let anything change that."

Blair was still shaking her head until she looked over at Serena. When she saw the look on Serena's face, the look of sadness and regret she realized that Jocelyn wasn't entirely wrong. There was something wrong with her relationship with Serena. "I love you, S, you know that right?" She asked almost pleadingly.

"Of course I do B." Serena responded almost too quickly. As both of the intimidating girls in front of her turned their gazes on her she sighed. "I know you love me, but Jocelyn's right. Things haven't been the same since I slept with Nate. Then you replaced me with Jenny."

Blair wasn't sure what to say, she had no idea that Serena still felt this way. It was Jocelyn who seemed to find the words. "Didn't anyone ever tell the two of you that you can have more than one best friend?"

Blair closed her eyes tightly feeling ashamed at her foolishness. It wasn't that she thought that she had to pick Serena or Jenny it just had seemed to happen that way. And then she didn't even realize what she'd done or what she'd forgotten. When she opened her eyes again there were tears in them. "Serena I had no idea." She walked forward and wrapped her friend in a hug. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Blair." She responded, returning the hug as her own happy tears appeared.

Jocelyn just smiled at the two girls before her, she knew that they would be okay, they all would. Jenny appeared in the doorway in that moment. "Did I miss something?" She asked, noting the tears.

Serena looked up smiling. "Get over here." She exclaimed expanding her arms to include others in the hug. "Both of you." She said with a pointed look at Jocelyn who eagerly complied.

"Thank you girls, for everything." Jocelyn spoke hugging them tightly.

"No, thank you." Serena replied in a whisper.

The ceremony itself passed in a blur of formalities for Blair. She couldn't help but smile at the look on Marcus's face as Jocelyn walked down the aisle. He was so in love with her, thought Blair happily. The only other part of the ceremony that really registered were the vows which were touching. The rest of the time she was lost in Chuck's eyes, as they held promises of what was to come later that evening while Ella was with Lily and Bart.

Following Marcus and Jocelyn out of the church Chuck leaned over to Blair. "Our's was better." He spoke with a smirk.

"Chuck!" Blair scolded playfully.

"What? I'm just telling the truth." Chuck said quietly as he placed a kiss next to her earlobe. "You can't honestly say you don't agree."

Blair rolled her eyes to cover the fact that they were already rolling back into her head from Chuck's actions. "Okay maybe I do, but you can't say that to anyone else."

Chuck placed another kiss along her ear. "Don't worry Mrs. Bass, you have my word."

**Spotted: Queen J and Prince M walk down the aisle. Can I say I'm actually happy for them? I've posted pictures of the nuptuals. Any guesses who'll be next? S caught the bouquet so perhaps Lonely Boy will work up the courage to finally pop the question? Guess away my dearies but only time will tell.**

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Chuck looked at his reflection in the mirror realizing that this was the first wedding other than his own, he'd ever been in that he wasn't the best man for. Today that was Nate. It would be strange because Nate would be escorting Blair, who was once more maid of honor, Chuck would be escorting Jocelyn down the aisle, and Marcus would be doing the same for Jenny. Eric was going to be busy giving the bride away as Dr. Van der Woodsen was still MIA.

Chuck laughed at a 'kill me now' text from Blair; Serena had turned into bridezilla which had thrown all of them for a loop, normally she was so relaxed. He just shook his head as he shut his phone. Surprisingly, there'd been nothing from their old friend gossip girl today. Lately she was more obsessed with the set currently in college, like Jenny who was studying at Parsons, and Eric, who'd joined Nate, Blair, and Chuck at Columbia, but she tended to report on the recent graduates every once in a while; especially on big occasions such as this. It was strange, that it took almost two years after Gossip Girl's text about Dan being a coward for him to actually propose and another year before the actual wedding. Chuck had thought at the time that it would be enough to jar Dan to finally marry Serena but it was just now that he was realizing that it probably had the opposite effect. Dan was one to not do something just because someone said he was supposed to, besides he probably didn't want Serena thinking that he was only proposing because gossip girl had told him to.

Nate walked up beside him, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Where's the little man? Is he still hiding under Blair's skirt."

Chuck knew that Nate was referencing Evan's episode from last night in which he'd hidden underneath Blair's dress for the entirety of the rehearsal dinner and she hadn't told a soul. "No, he's with Marcus trying to master the art of keeping the ring on the pillow. I still can't believe we agreed to let him be the ring bearer. This has the potential to go horrible wrong."

Nate just smiled encouragingly. "Don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll do fine. Besides, we all know Ella will keep him in line."

Chuck nodded with a smirk, it was true, Ella was just like her mother, a perfectionist. He knew she wouldn't let Evan get out of hand which is why he and Blair had agreed to allow him to be ring bearer. Ella had grown to look more like Blair every day but she still had Chuck's eyes. He could hardly conceive of the thought that she would be starting school this fall, it was surreal how quickly the time had gone by; but Evan was further proof of that. He was turning into a little gentleman so fast. Once more the little boy had Blair's looks, her smile, her nose, her ears, and her curly hair; but also like Ella he had Chuck's eyes and that strange dark blond hair. They'd named him after Chuck's mother, changing the name Evelyn to suit a boy and coming up with Evan.

Chuck smiled then as Evan walked in the door, Marcus hot on his heels. "Look what I can do Dad!" He exclaimed as he proudly balanced the pillow with the ring on it.

Immediately Chuck swept him off his feet. "I knew you could do it. You are a Bass, and Bass's can do anything."

Even clung firmly to his father, acting every bit his age. "Dad, how come you're married, and Uncle Marcus is married, and Uncle Dan is getting married, but Uncle Nate isn't?" He asked. "Does he not love Aunt Jenny?"

Chuck laughed slightly shooting Nate an almost teasing though still sympathetic look. His son had developed a knack for asking questions that were better left unasked. "Well, Uncle Nate wants to marry Aunt Jenny, she's just not ready yet." Chuck said doing his best to be diplomatic. Nate had already proposed and Jenny had been adamantly against it. In fact she had gotten up and walked out of the restaurant, calling Nate a selfish jerk as she went.

Evan furrowed his brow. "How can she not be ready? Mommy said that when two people love each other they get married and then that's how they make babies."

Chuck's face blanched, he did not see this turning into a birds and the bees talk. Now it was Nate who was chuckling in the background at Chuck's newfound situation. It wasn't that it would be difficult when the time came for the talk with Evan, not like it would be with Ella, but he wasn't sure Evan was quite old enough to hear his take on 'making babies.' He also wasn't looking forward to the conversation about contraception when the time came; he was going to feel like a hypocrite. He and Blair were not exactly the King and Queen of contraception as evidenced by the fact that they had only been married five years yet had two children with twins on the way. "Aunt Jenny's younger than Nate and she's still finishing design school at Parson's. She's not ready to settle down yet." Chuck spoke, skillfully avoiding any mentioning of making babies, but what he said was true, Jenny was terrified of getting married, they all knew it. Nate was preparing to run for congressman and Jenny kept saying that she wasn't ready to be a politician's wife and have everything in her life scrutinized. He could see his son was about ready to ask another question so he interjected. "Are you ready to go with Eric back to where Ella and Mommy are?" He asked. When the child looked stubborn Chuck added. "You can ask Mommy all the questions you want."

At that Evan's brow furrowed again. "But Mommy's the one who told me to ask you."

Realization hit Chuck. Blair had set this up, of course. Evan wouldn't ask these kind of questions of his own accord, Blair was creating a little game out of this. "She did, did she?" Chuck asked a smirk already forming on his face as a plan formed in his head over how to get her back later.

Nate laughed again. "Sounds like Blair got you man."

Chuck nodded. "Yes Nathaniel she did, but as always revenge will be sweet." He had been planning to send Evan to the back of the church with Eric but now he felt the need to have a quick talk to Blair about using their son in games against him.

Nate just shook his head. "You two haven't changed a bit you know."

Chuck just shrugged. "You know I think I'll go take Evan to the girls. I'll be back." Nate gave him a stern look of warning but it did no good as Chuck walked to the front of the church, using side doors. Arriving at the ladies dressing room he knocked. "Delivery for Blair Waldorf."

Blair rolled her eyes as she looked at the other girls. "I should have known this was coming." She spoke her voice low.

Serena laughed, something that was difficult in her tight wedding dress. It was long, white, and outlined her figure perfectly. "Blair regardless of the fact that Chuck Bass is your husband, he's still Chuck Bass. You have to know by now that when you play games with him he's going to play back."

Blair just smiled grumpily. Of course she'd known there would be retribution for her actions she just didn't want to deal with them right now. They were Chuck and Blair and games, would always be part of their relationship. Granted now their games were generally sexual or playful as opposed to the vindictive, destructive games they'd once played; but the innocent ones were still there. Like today, she'd set up Chuck to have to deal with sex questions from Evan not to mention a difficult topic concerning their friend's relationship.

Chuck laughed, this was getting funnier by the minute. "Don't delay the inevitable Blair. Let me in."

"Better get it over with." Jocelyn said as she adjusted the neckline of the flowing rose colored halter dress in front of the mirror. For the first time, each of the bridesmaids was wearing the same dress. Blair rolled her eyes at Jocelyn but she knew the other girl was right.

Blair sighed, standing up with a wobble. "Geez no one said twins were going to feel like this." She grumbled aloud.

Jenny rushed immediately to her aid as Serena moved to open the door, waiting for Blair's signal. Blair nodded and Serena opened the door, revealing Chuck, with little Evan beside him. "Hello ladies." He spoke walking directly past them to Blair. He was about to say more when he noticed a look of pain on Blair's face and a worried Jenny beside her. "Are you okay? Is it the babies?"

Blair winced slightly. "I'm fine." Though as she said the words there was another tightening in her abdomen that caused the words to sound strained.

"You're not fine." Chuck said firmly, taking her arm and helping her sit down, kneeling in front of her. "Are you going into labor?" He asked knowing that Blair had done this twice and would know.

Evan rushed over to his mother, with Ella quickly following. "What's wrong with Mom?" She asked insistently.

Jocelyn saw what was going on and knew that the best thing she could do would be to take the kids somewhere else, somewhere out of the way. So she whispered to Jenny that she was taking them up to where the guys were standing in the vestibule. "Come on guys, we're going to go check on Dan." They were still protesting and asking questions as Jocelyn led them from the room but she was now beginning to be an expert at such things as she'd been around Kate and Blair's children a lot, knowing that it wouldn't be long before she too would be having children. She hadn't told Marcus yet but she thought that she was pregnant.

Serena and Jenny were left standing nearby, trying not to crowd Blair. Both looked immensely worried.

Chuck took one of her hands and placed his other on her face, brushing his thumb lightly on her cheek. "Are you going into labor?" He asked, this time softly.

Blair bit her lip slightly trying to hold back a scream of pain. She shook her head as she finally managed to speak. "No." She said with a slight jerk. "It's too early."

"Sometimes twins come early B." Jenny said taking a step forward. "And you're already at eight months. You had Evan just over eight."

Blair just kept shaking her head as what she was beginning to assume were in fact contractions hit once more, so painful she barely muffled a scream. "No." She said again.

As a slight scream finally broke through Blair's resolve Chuck stood pulling out his cell phone. "That's it, I'm calling Arthur and we're going to the hospital." He shot a reluctantly look at Serena at having to do this at her wedding but she just nodded understandingly; Blair and the babies' health were more important.

I'm not in labor. I command myself not to be in labor. Blair repeated in her head as she tried to breathe deeply. Her water hadn't broken, it wasn't too late, she could stop this. She would not ruin Serena and Dan's wedding. Blair's hand shot out and grabbed Chuck's arm as she leveled him with a glare that would freeze hell. "Chuck I said no!" She spoke forcefully as she took control of her body. "Besides, they've stopped."

Chuck looked at Blair warily, doubt and worry still present in his eyes. "Blair . . ." He started to speak.

But she of course interrupted. "I said I'm fine." This time she stood as she spoke, refusing help. "Though perhaps we should go ahead and get this wedding underway."

Each of the three wanted to protest more but they could see the look in Blair's eyes; she'd made her decision and she was more headstrong than any of them except perhaps Chuck, but for Blair even Chuck would fold. "Okay." Chuck spoke, anxiety clear in his voice. "I'll send Eric, Forbes, and the kids back here and we'll head to the front of the church."

Blair nodded relieved that Chuck was going along with this. As he left she sat back down, it probably wasn't a good idea for her to be standing.

Serena immediately approached Blair. "I do not agree with this Blair. You know I'd understand right? Dan and I both would." She was much more concerned for her friend that for her wedding.

Blair leveled her gaze on Serena. "It's already been decided Serena. Besides I wasn't lying before, the contractions really have stopped."

"So you admit they were contractions?" Jenny asked, taking a seat next to her.

Blair nodded rather gravely. "Yes, but I've got them under control and I'll keep them that way until after the wedding."

Serena just shook her head. "Promise me that if you feel more contractions during the service, you'll slip out and go to the hospital with Chuck."

Before Blair could answer Jocelyn opened the doors. "Ready girls?" She asked, giving a reassuring smile.

"Ready." Blair said smiling confidently as she stood.

Serena tried to take her arm, but Blair kept walking. "Blair Bass you did not answer my question!" She practically shouted after her.

Blair didn't even turn around, she just kept walking. "It wasn't a question Serena." She said with a smirk. "Now come on, you don't want to miss your own wedding. After all, it's the first day of forever and forever can't start until you walk down that aisle."

Serena sighed in frustration before slapping Jenny's shoulder as the younger girl was stifling laugher. "Has everyone forgotten this is my wedding?" She asked marching forward. "You'd think Blair was in charge. Who made her the boss of me?"

Jenny just laughed harder. "Have you met Blair Waldorf? She's the boss of all of us." Jenny said echoing one of Nate's trademark Blair phrases. "Now seriously, let's get this show on the road."

As Chuck arrived back and sent the others on their way, he answered the guys' questions, letting them know that they had about five minutes. Chuck wasn't certain what the guys had been talking about but he caught on quickly. Clearly there had been mention of Jenny.

"You know she'll come around eventually. She's just still got a lot of independence and rebellion left in her." Dan spoke placing a hand on Nate's shoulder.

Nate's eyes opened in wonder. "How did you know . . ." He asked trailing off.

_Or perhaps, that wasn't what they'd been talking about. _Thought Chuck as he looked between the two. Clearly Dan had picked up on the remnants of his and Nate's earlier conversation concerning Dan's little sister.

"She's written all over your face Nate." Dan replied. "You know for her it's protecting you from any drama or bad publicity she might cause you don't you? She doesn't want anything crazy she might do to sully your name."

Nate squeezed his eyes shut as though he was in pain. "You know I want to be married to her so much more than I want to be in politics."

"Of course we do." Chuck said interjecting himself into the conversation.

At that Marcus walked over, just looking up from his watch. "It's about that time." Marcus said, handing the men the flowers to be pinned to their suit.

Chuck looked to Dan to see how he was feeling and couldn't help but think that Dan looked dopey, like someone had given him drugs. "You going to be alright Humphrey?" He asked placing a hand on Dan's shoulder.

"Great." Dan replied with a huge smile. "I've never been better."

Nate just laughed as he began to lead Dan to the front of the church. Marcus on the other hand walked up to Chuck. "I was happy on my wedding day don't get me wrong but have you ever known someone that happy to be married?"

Chuck looked at Marcus and smirked. "I was that happy. If you didn't know me, you wouldn't have realized due to the determined look on my face in the photos but I was that happy; happier even."

Marcus nodded. "I almost forgot, Blair practically leapt into your arms at the end of the ceremony." Marcus spoke as they walked to the front of the church to stand next to Dan.

The wedding went beautifully. But Chuck spent the entire time scrutinizing Blair for the slightest hint of pain. If he'd seen her so much as wince he would have taken her to the hospital even if he had to carry her down the aisle. But the wedding went quickly enough and Blair was still seemingly fine. As soon as they entered the reception hall Chuck stalked over. "Okay, let's go now. The wedding was fine, but now it's time to take care of yourself."

Blair just shook her head. "I'm completely fine Chuck. I promise, the pain's stopped completely."

Chuck looked at her with narrowed eyes but couldn't help to think that she sincerely looked better. She was practically glowing. "Okay, but at the first sign of pain, we're going to the hospital. Deal?"

"Deal." Blair replied sincerely. Now that the wedding was over she would be able to leave guilt free if she had to go. "You know Bass, I hate to say it but ours was better."

The ice was suddenly broken as Blair repeated his words from a few years ago when Forbes married Marcus. "Of course it was Mrs. Bass. But look who's being improper now."

"I know, I know." Blair said with an eye roll. "I disapprove of my own statement, but I just couldn't help it. Nothing will compare to our wedding."

Chuck smirked. "Of course not. I'll go get us a couple drinks."

Blair was still smiling and laughing as Chuck walked back towards her with two cups of punch when she felt it. It literally took her breath away. "Shit." She spoke looking down then back up at Chuck.

"What is it?" He asked running forward.

Blair's eyes were wide as she spoke just as Chuck slid on the floor. "My water just broke."

**Gossip girl here, oh what a lovely wedding for S and Lonely Boy. Seems like he finally got the idea and put a ring on her finger. Now all we have left is Little J and N, I hear he's proposing again tonight after she caught the bouquet today, perhaps she'll finally break down and say yes? I'll be the first to know, and you'll be the second. But in more exciting news, B's water broke at the wedding and we hear she's ready to deliver the twins. I'll post pics of the babies as soon as I can get my hands on them.**

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

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**Epilogue part 1 is complete! I know it wasn't the ideal place to stop but you'll see why I stopped there when I post the next chapter in a few days. **

**Reviews are always appreciated,**

**xoxo  
kate  
**


	67. Epilogue: The First Day of Forever Pt 2

**This is it! The very last chapter of The Games We Play. I've enjoyed this journey with all of you so much. Thanks for everything! PS: I've added a Blair/Chuck family tree to my profile if you get confused at the end.  
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**A note:** I have photographs of Jocelyn's dress/bridesmaids, Serena's dress/bridesmaids, Jenny's dress/bridesmaids, and Blair's dress on my profile, you pretty much know the drill with that by now. They're under The Games We Play Extras. Also for anyone who's curious about the ages (I did this using a character from each group): Jocelyn's wedding: Jocelyn's 22, Blair's 20, Jenny's 18: Serena's wedding: Jocelyn's 25, Blair's 23, and Jenny's 21: Jenny's wedding: Jocelyn's 28, Blair's 26, and Jenny's 24. (Blair's is kinda self-explanatory: Jocelyn's 20, Blair's 18, Jenny's 16)

TO MY ABSO-FREAKING-LUTLY AHHHMAZING REVIEWERS:** CarolinaGirl21, wrighthangal, annablake, Taiyo To Tsuki NO Megami, Krazy4Spike, ggff-fan, HnM skinnys, LitPrincess2787, SouthernBelle88, tvrox12, and CBBW3words8letters.** You stuck with it all the way through to the epilogue and I couldn't be more grateful. I don't believe there's a more wonderful set of reviewers out there! I love you guys!

And to my AMAZING beta **ggff-fan **I couldn't do this without you! Seriously!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl

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Chuck stood next to Blair in the mirror, both of them smiling at their reflection. His arm wrapped around Blair's waist, his tie perfectly matching her strapless pink dress. "So this is a lot more informal than the last two weddings." Chuck said softly into Blair's ear. They were with all of the rest of the wedding party in the dressing tent outside the botanical gardens. The old rule book on weddings had practically been tossed out the window for Jenny and Nate's, particularly the age old rule of not seeing the bride before the ceremony as Nate and Jenny were standing to the side, where he was adjusting the silk bow on her flowing white gown.

Blair smiled as she leaned back into Chuck. "No kidding. It's about time someone other than us had their wedding outside though."

Chuck nodded in agreement, stepping behind her and putting both his arms around her still tiny waist. "You know I think this is the first wedding you've been in that you weren't pregnant." Chuck spoke, completely serious.

Blair frowned slightly. The delivery with the twins had been rough and the doctor had told them she shouldn't have any more children, that any other pregnancy would be high risk. Blair had wanted to try again anyway, she'd always wanted a big family, but Chuck had been insistent that it wasn't worth risking her to have more children. They had their hands full as it was. Ella had just turned eight, Evan six, and the twins had had their third birthday only a few months ago. While Ella and Evan had retained their dark blond locks and the looks that combined both Blair and Chuck, the twins couldn't have been more opposite, little Scarlett was the spitting image of her mother, while Clark looked exactly like his father. So far they had noticed no exceptions to this, it was almost eerie. Chuck had wanted to name them after themselves but Blair said that that was tacky when Ella and Evan's middle names were Blair and Charles respectively. Chuck had settled for Blair's choices however, remembering how he watched Gone With the Wind the night he remembered everything. The movie now held a special place for him so the names of the protagonist and lead actor seemed to fit. Blair loved all of her children more than she could have thought possible and she knew it was the same for Chuck, so she quickly replaced the frown with a smile; she had so much to be thankful for. But she was pregnant again, a couple of months along according to the doctor. She knew that she needed to tell Chuck but she didn't know how; she knew he'd want her to have an abortion so she knew it would only cause a fight. Looking around at Jocelyn in her green dress and Serena with her blue each accompanied by their matching husband, she stifled a laugh. "However, it appears that I'm the only bridesmaid not pregnant."

Chuck looked at what Blair had seen and couldn't help but join her laughter. This would be Serena and Dan's first child as they had wanted to wait until they were settled in L.A. before they started a family. They'd been relocated for over a year now due to the fact that Dan's publisher was West Coast based and Serena could be a publicist just as easily there as she could in New York. Then there was Marcus and Jocelyn, who were on their second child. Their first child Thomas wasn't at the wedding as he was at the summer home with Kate and her children. In truth, Chuck hadn't even known that Jocelyn was pregnant again but he now noticed the slight bulge under her dress. Both couples had flown in a couple of weeks ago to help prepare for the wedding. The group didn't see each other as much as they used to but they did usually manage most of the major holidays as well as one group vacation every year. Then Chuck's eyes shifted to where Eric was standing with his partner Christopher, both wearing suits with lavender ties, and his laughter grew. "You know if you count Eric then you aren't the only bridesmaid who isn't pregnant."

Blair just rolled her eyes. She'd completely supported Jenny's decision to have Eric as part of the bridal party and his boyfriend Chris as one of the groomsmen. "You Chuck Bass are incorrigible."

"But you love me anyway." He spoke with a smirk. He couldn't deny that his life was as perfect as it could get. He had Blair, the one woman he'd ever loved as his wife and they had four beautiful children whose closest thing to a nanny was Dorota who was really part of the family. Bass Industries was thriving under his hand, he'd taken over the helm three years ago when his father had suffered a heart attack. Bart Bass wasn't in the grave yet (a simple heart attack couldn't do him in) but it'd made him realize that it was time to retire and spend his time with Lily while Chuck took over the business, while he was still around to guide him. Waldorf Designs had continued to grow into a major fashion house, with Blair controlling all of the business ventures and Jenny now as head designer, Blair had even made the younger girl a partner. While his friends weren't all on the same street anymore, they were no more than a ride on the Bass Jet away and Jenny and Nate were permanently residing in New York as Jenny wouldn't leave the fashion house and Nate was preparing for his run as Congressman in the next election. There was nothing in this world that could have made him a happier man; they truly seemed to have it all.

Blair just smiled as her mind ran away with itself, doing its best to wander back to her own wedding and she found herself speaking without really thinking. "You know this dress kind of reminds me of the one Jocelyn wore to my wedding." Her voice was almost dreamy and she was surprised when it was Jenny who responded.

Jenny laughed at Blair and Chuck, really that was the only thing to do with those two. They were pretty much in their own world 75 percent of the time. "The color's the same actually, the style itself was more similar to the blue one Serena has on. I was inspired by your wedding when I was designing the dresses for mine."

Blair turned to face her friend and smiled. "These are all beautiful Jenny. You did a wonderful job."

"I kind of went all out for my own wedding I suppose." Jenny said with a smile. Blair's wedding had been the only one that she hadn't done the bridesmaid's dresses for. She'd made Blair's dress but the girls had just worn dresses of their own as the wedding was fairly casual and definitely short notice. All of the other girl's weddings had been completely her. The sounds of children's laughter wafted through the tent as Lily led her grandchildren inside. "Oh no, here come the holy terrors." Jenny said in a voice clearly exaggerating the situation.

Blair laughed shaking her head. "Don't even go there Jen. I was against this from the start and you know it. I would be perfectly content with my children sitting in the audience with everyone else. You're the one who insisted that they ALL be in the wedding." Once more Blair had thought the twins too young but Jenny had insisted that Evan and Clark be ring bearers together and Ella and Scarlett share the duties of flower girl. She designed lovely canary yellow dresses for the girls and adorned the boys with matching ties. The children looked like angels, too bad they'd been acting crazy for the past forty eight hours at least. They were all as stubborn as Chuck and Blair themselves so they didn't do well with following any orders not given directly by their parents. "I'll take care of it." Blair said rolling her eyes as she collected her children and gave them specific instructions on what to do until the start of the ceremony.

Jenny remained standing there with Chuck. "So we finally made it." She spoke with a smile, letting her fingers run through the gauzy fabric of her dress.

"We finally made it." Chuck repeated taking Jenny's hand placing a kiss on it. "You are a beautiful bride."

Jenny smiled at Chuck. "Thank you." She turned and looked at her figure in the mirror, knowing that it wouldn't be too long before she lost it the same way her friends had. She and Nate had waited so long to get married, he'd waited for her for eight years, and they weren't waiting for anything else. She'd gone off birth control just over a month ago, they were officially trying to have a baby. "I can't wait to be pregnant." She spoke, excitement in her voice. "I never thought I'd say that but I want to have a baby."

Chuck returned her smile squeezing her hand. "It's pretty amazing. Those kids and Blair, they're everything."

"You know, there was a time when I thought none of us were ever going to be happy." Jenny spoke as she began to fiddle with her hair. She was wearing it shorter now than she used to, in a style she hadn't worn it in since her freshman year of high school. Almost absentmindedly she began to pin it up, before snatching a flower from the flower arrangement on a nearby table and placing it in her hair. Perfect, she thought to herself.

Chuck nodded solemnly in response. "I know." He looked over at Blair with his children. "We had to grow up too fast. I don't want that for them."

Jenny turned smiling softly. "Those children are going to have everything and you and Blair, you're great parents, I've watched you. You guys are not going to make the same mistakes that your parents did."

Chuck shook his head. "That's easy for you to say. As far as parents come, you and Dan had it the best. Sure Rufus and Allison are divorced but they always cared. What if Blair and I get to a point that we don't know what to do, or how to do it right?"

"I know." Jenny said as she fixed Chuck's tie. "Dan and I were lucky. But you and Blair have been doing this for eight years now, I've never seen better parents than the two of you. And you know what, one of the things that makes you great is the fact that the two of you are so determined not to make those mistakes. You know what not to do, and everything you guys have been through has made sure that you don't take anything for granted." Jenny spoke reassuringly. She knew that this would always be a struggle for Chuck, the one struggle he kept quiet from Blair. He never wanted her to know how much he feared that he would turn into his father. So he shared this with her and she in turn shared with him the one thing she could never share with Nate.

"So you're still not wearing the Vanderbilt Diamond I see." Chuck said gesturing at her hand which instead held a simple skating ring. Jenny had refused the diamond from the start, much as she had refused the proposal.

Jenny simply shook her head. "I will never wear that ring. It's not anything against his family or the Vanderbilt's, I actually adore his grandfather but I'm not accepting anything from them. I won't be made their puppet and the first step towards that is that ring." She spoke reaching up to take the pins out of her hair as a way to express her mild bout of frustration.

Chuck reached up and stilled her hand. "Leave it up, it's beautiful." That was however all he said as he knew that Jenny had more to say herself.

"I will always support Nate in whatever he wants to do. And I will do what I believe is necessary to help him, but I will not become a Stepford Wife." She said adamantly. She knew that Chuck already knew that she'd rejected the proposal until the day that Nate had stopped proposing with the Vanderbilt Diamond.

Chuck turned Jenny toward Nate. "That guy over there waited eight years because he wants you as his wife not some perfect Stepford version of you." Of course he knew all about Jenny's fears concerning the Vanderbilt's but he also knew that she'd held off for so long because she didn't want to damage him while she was still in the process of growing up. She needed to be settled, she needed her life to have order before she could really marry him.

Honestly Jenny had no idea what had made Nate go out and buy a regular ring, maybe he was desperate enough to try anything; but the day he had was the day that Jenny realized that Nate didn't want a Stepford Wife, he just wanted her. "You're right. I know you're right. But thanks for reminding me anyway." She said with a smile before leaving Chuck's side to go help get the flowers pinned in Ella and Scarlett's hair.

"Anytime." Chuck returned a smile as Jenny walked away. Turning back towards Nate, his best friend, he walked over. "So man, how's it going?"

Nate smiled at Chuck and shook his head. "You know, I really just want to get this going. I'm still a little afraid she'll walk out and won't go through with it."

Chuck shook his head. "Jenny's not going to walk out. She wants to marry you more than she wants anything."

Nate sighed, leaning his head back. "Easy for you to say, you didn't propose five times before Blair said yes. Hell Blair was married to another man when you proposed to her and you still got a yes."

Chuck put a hand on each of Nate's shoulders and leveled him with a stare. "You Nathaniel have nothing to worry about. She wouldn't have said yes the fifth time if she didn't want to marry you. She would have just said no again." He said with a classic Chuck Bass smirk.

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "You know, you have a point."

"I always do." Chuck said backing up. "Now perhaps we should go out and get this party started?"

Nate smiled, motioning Marcus, Dan, and Christopher over. As Marcus approached Nate just shook his head. "Remember the day you exited the van at the photo shoot and I said, 'I don't like you?'"

Marcus nodded. "Of course. And I didn't expect you to."

"Things have changed a lot in the last eight years. Because seriously, I like you now." Nate said, ever having trouble organizing his thoughts.

Everyone burst into laughter at Nate's words and the men turned to leave with parting glances at their ladies, or in Christopher's respect their man.

Jocelyn and Serena had been left just the two of them as Dan and Marcus walked away from the foursome that they had had going. "Well, looks like this wedding's finally going to happen." Jocelyn spoke, adjusting the green straps of her dress. Even with as much as they had in common now, friends, pregnancy, marriage, all included, they still found that they didn't have so much to say to each other. So while friends, they were better when operating within the group dynamic.

"It's about damn time." Serena said with a smile. "Let's go see if Blair or Jenny need any help." They were walking towards the girls when Eric intercepted them. Serena smiled, it was good to see her brother after so long apart. He'd grown up so much in the last couple of years. After graduating from Columbia like the rest of them, he'd gone into law school at Harvard. It had taken him away from them for a good portion of the year anyway and with Serena out in California with Dan, they had gotten to see very little of each other in the past few years. "Eric!" She exclaimed, hugging him with a big smile on her face.

Eric beamed in return. His life as of late was completely golden. He and Christopher had a good thing, they'd met at Columbia and both were now at Harvard law. They'd just moved in together. He did miss his sister though. Even with pretty much unlimited access to the Bass Jet, he didn't see her as much as he would like. "I think they're ready to start."

The girls nodded, a little relieved. As much as they'd all been saying that there was no chance of Jenny calling this thing off, they were all still a little worried deep in their gut. The girl was still fiercely independent. Jocelyn walked quickly over and placed her arm around the waist of the girl who had at one time succeeded Blair; that all seemed so long ago now. "So little J, are you ready to join the ranks of the married women?"

Jenny looked at Joss and smiled. Up until she'd realized that she was called little J in reference to Jocelyn, she'd hated the name; but now she adored it, especially when it was used by Jocelyn herself. "I'm ready." She spoke, her voice and smile confident. She turned back to Blair. "You should tell Chuck soon you know. It's not fair to keep this from him."

Jocelyn was suddenly aware that she had no clue what they were talking about. Apparently she'd walked in on quite the conversation. "Whoa what's going on here?"

Blair sighed and looked up at one of her oldest friends. "I might be pregnant."

"Oh." Jocelyn spoke rather at a loss for words. "Chuck's not going to be happy about that."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of." Blair replied, placing the last flower in Scarlett's hair. "I want another child and I know what Chuck's going to want me to do. Either way, it's going to lead to a fight."

Scarlett turned her head to look at her mother. "Why doesn't Daddy want me to have any more siblings?" She asked, the picture of innocence.

Blair's eyes went wide. _Oh shit. _It was Jocelyn who spoke Blair's thoughts out loud. "Little pictures have big ears."

Blair lifted Scarlett in her arms and placed her on the table in front of them, kneeling so that they were at eye level. Luckily Scarlett was the only child who was paying attention. "It's not that Daddy doesn't want you to have a little brother or sister, he's just worried about me because the doctor thinks it's a bad idea. The doctor thinks it might hurt Mommy."

"But I want a little sister." Scarlett said, crossing her arms.

Jenny chuckled slightly, knowing the situation was serious but unable to refrain from her next statement. "Little pictures have big mouths too."

Blair sighed, knowing this could get out of control quickly. It had been the terrible twos with Ella and Evan but for Scarlett and Clark it had been the terrible threes. "I know you do sweetheart. I need to ask you a favor though. Can you do a favor for Mommy?" Scarlett nodded repeatedly. "Okay, then I need you to promise me you won't talk to anyone about this, especially Daddy. Can you do that for me? Can this be our little secret?" Scarlett looked at her with critical eyes as though she were considering the pros and cons of the deal before nodding again. "Thank you, now go with Ella and your brothers with Eric, I'll be right behind you." With that she lifted Scarlett off the table sending her scurrying behind her siblings.

As Blair looked up, she noticed that Jenny, Serena, and Jocelyn were all looking at her. "I'll tell him tonight." She said with a sigh. The girls all visibly relaxed. Even after eight years they knew Blair and Chuck still had their little games, but Chuck wouldn't see this as a game. Even if it wasn't something he felt as strongly about as this particular issue, after an unfortunate incident involving a surprise party they'd agreed never to have their children keep secrets from each other for them.

"Good." Serena said, giving Blair a hug before following Eric out.

Jocelyn walked up to her next. "It'll be okay Blair, you guys will figure something out. You always do."

"Thanks." Blair spoke as Jocelyn turned and followed Serena. Blair then turned to Jenny only to see the panic they'd all been praying wouldn't come in her eyes. "Hey, hey, stop this. You're ready for this remember."

Jenny nodded inhaling deeply but her insecurities suddenly began to spill out. "What if I screw up? What if I do something to damage Nate? What if his family is right to think that I need to be more like them?" And then she was gasping for breath.

Blair could see that Jenny was having a panic attack, and she knew that Jenny needed one thing right now and that was Nate's reassurance. So she sent Chuck the S.O.S. text she was afraid that she would be sending. "Just hold tight." She said placing a hand on Jenny's shoulder.

"What the fuck Blair?" Chuck said, walking into the tent tugging Nate behind him. "We were already at the front of the audience. Two minutes more and the kids would have started down the aisle . . ." When he saw Jenny he stilled but pushed Nate forward.

Nate's eyes widened and his stomach dropped as he saw his bride sitting with her hands on her knees practically hyperventilating. He rushed forward and kneeled at her feet, taking her hands in his. "Hey, hey Jen. Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Jenny looked up at Chuck pleadingly, he knew what she wanted him to say. He walked forward to stand closer to the other three. "She's scared that you want a Vanderbilt wife rather than her, she's scared that your family will want to change her to make her into the kind of wife they think you need." Nate looked at Jenny imploringly and Chuck knew there was more that needed to be said, more that Jenny hadn't actually voiced to him. "But more than that, she's scared that they are right." At Chuck's words, three pairs of wide eyes turned to him and just like that they all knew he'd hit the proverbial nail on the head.

Nate reached up with one hand, and lifted Jenny's eyes to his. "I want you. I've wanted you to marry me for eight years. I would never want you to change. As for my family, they love you the way you are and if they didn't then I still pick you. I'm asking you to be an Archibald not a Vanderbilt. I thought we were past that when I put the Vanderbilt ring in the safe and proposed with a ring that was just for you."

Jenny's eyes lit up at Nate's admission. So it hadn't been something he'd done on a whim. He knew what he was doing when he stopped using the family ring, he was actually aware of the fact that Jenny didn't want to be a Vanderbilt at all.

Before Chuck and Blair could blink, Jenny was in Nate's arms and they were hugging and kissing happily. "Okay, okay, we are officially behind schedule." Blair spoke to break them apart. "You guys have forever to do that after the wedding."

Jenny looked at Blair, her happiness evident in her smile. "Cause today's just the first day of forever right Blair?"

"Right." Blair spoke before her face blanched. "Oh my God I have a catch phrase. That is so not okay."

Chuck laughed and pulled her to him. "At least it's a cute catch phrase."

Blair simply groaned in response.

Once more the wedding was beautiful, Jenny's earlier breakdown excluded and the cake at the reception was the most magnificent anyone had ever seen. Scarlett was particularly enamored with it. Chuck realized this right before his little girl tried to touch it and rushed over, lifting her into his arms. "Wait just a minute there missy. There's no messing with the cake."

Scarlett simply crossed her arms and leveled him with a stare that was more like her mother's than any he'd ever seen. Seemingly he'd made his daughter quite angry.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked turning her to face him.

Scarlett just shook her head. "I'm not talking to you. I'm mad at you."

Chuck lifted an eyebrow. "For taking you away from the cake?" Chuck was proved wrong about Scarlett's earlier stare, when she gave him an 'are you stupid' look that had to be straight out of Blair's arsenal. "Then what my little princess is the matter?"

Scarlett opened her tiny mouth to let him have it before remembering her promise to her mother and shutting it once more. "I can't tell you." She said finally. "Mommy made me promise not to."

Worry invaded Chuck like a parasite, what could Scarlett know that Blair didn't want him to know? Chuck could only think of one thing, it was the only thing that Blair would keep from him. Setting his daughter down, his eyes immediately sought Blair's. On instinct his gaze drifted toward her stomach. If she was pregnant she wasn't showing, but that wasn't saying much for Blair. She'd gotten away with no one knowing she was pregnant with Ella for a long time and with Evan she didn't have to start wearing maternity clothes until the seventh month, even with the twins you couldn't tell until well into the second trimester. Walking over, he tried to force himself to stay calm. Wrapping an arm around her waist he whispered in her ear. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Blair nodded, excusing herself from her current conversation before leaving with Chuck. She'd heard the tone in his voice, she knew what was coming. She shot a quick glance at Scarlett who was watching them with wide eyes and her suspicions were confirmed.

As they came to a stop in the corner Chuck took one of her hands in his. "What does our daughter know that I don't?" He asked, rather than accusing her of keeping the one thing from him that he would ever be truly angry about.

Blair inhaled, not quite meeting Chuck's eyes. As she looked back, she unconsciously placed a hand on her stomach. Chuck looked down, then back up at her face. "Are you pregnant again?"

Blair bit her lip and nodded.

"How long have you known?" Chuck asked trying to keep his cool. He didn't yell at Blair, ever but right now the temptation to do so was more difficult to resist than ever before. Didn't she see she was being stupid? Nothing was worth risking her own life.

Blair exhaled. "I wasn't sure until yesterday when I got the test back from the doctor. I'm two months along." Chuck inhaled sharply and she continued, holding his hand tightly in hers. "The only reason Scarlett knows is because she overheard me and Jenny this morning. I was going to tell you I just didn't know how."

Chuck heard her voice break on her last words and pulled her to him, placing his forehead on hers. He was scared. More scared than he'd been since the birth of the twins when she'd gotten so sick. He didn't want to lose her, he couldn't lose her. "Please don't do this Blair. Please. I'm begging you."

Blair swallowed. She loved Chuck with all her heart but she wanted this baby, she had thought that she could be okay with not having any more children but once it was inside her she couldn't destroy it; she already loved it. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Chuck sighed. "You're not going to change your mind are you?" He asked sadly. Blair just shook her head. "Then we'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you and the baby are both healthy."

Blair sighed in relief and wrapped her hands tightly around Chuck. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"I love you." He spoke softly into her ear.

"I love you too." She said pulling away and looking around the room. "You know what?" She started.

Chuck just smiled. "Ours was better."

At that, Blair began to laugh, hugging Chuck to her once more.

**Hello my lovely UES, what a beautiful day for a wedding. After a slight hiccup this morning our Little J and N made it down the aisle and what's this I hear, B, S and J are all pregnant? Hmm, perhaps Little J will join their leagues before much longer. I wish all of you the best. In other news I'm happy to announce my retirement. This is officially my last official post, I'm passing the torch along to someone quite a bit younger as it seems I've outgrown the gossip. So adios my darlings, I think it's time for what is it that Blair says? Oh yes, the first day of forever.**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

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_**8 years ago**_

"You should have waited a week and let me do the bridesmaids dresses too." Jenny spoke, adding a couple of last minute touches to Blair's dress.

Blair looked at the younger girl and smiled. "I don't want to wait any longer. Chuck and I have waited so long already. If you remember, I wanted to get married in a white sundress, it was a big concession to let you make me another wedding dress."

Jenny nodded, it was true, she'd had to beg Blair to let her do the dress, so when Blair had said that she just wanted the girls to wear nice dresses to the wedding, they'd all agreed. After all, the only people who were there were Chuck, Blair, Jenny, Nate, Serena, Dan, Jocelyn, Marcus, Eric, Harold, Roman, Bart, Lily, and the preacher. Graduation had only been a week ago. Jenny smiled as she looked out the window of the cabana, she'd always heard that St. Thomas was beautiful but she'd never been before. When Chuck and Blair had decided that they wanted to do a Destination Wedding to avoid any potential press issues, they'd narrowed a quick list of island locations down to St. Thomas and Figi. St. Thomas had won so that they could take the Bass Jet without having to stop and refuel. "You're right of course. There I'm done." She said, standing and letting the decorative hem of Blair's dress fall to the ground. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." Blair said with a smile. "Where are the rest of the girls?" She didn't really have bridesmaids, there were the girls at the wedding and then there were the guys. That was basically it.

"I'm right here." Jocelyn said, slipping into the cabana. "Sorry I went to grab the flowers." That's when she caught sight of Blair. "Oh my little ingénue you look absolutely gorgeous."

Blair smiled brightly to see that Serena was in the doorway behind Jocelyn. "Thanks Joss." Then shifting her gaze to Serena she smiled. "Are we ready?" She asked.

Serena shook her head. "Actually there's someone here who wants to see you."

Blair looked at her curiously, but all of her questions were answered as Bart Bass walked into a room. Blair inhaled quietly, trying to hold back her surprise.

Bart was confident in his gate but there was still a certain amount of hesitance in his features; he knew that Blair didn't like him, and she had every right not to after some of the things that he had said to her but he wanted to change that. "These ladies are correct Blair, you look beautiful."

"Thank you, but I have to ask Bart, what are you doing back here?" She asked, unafraid.

Bart nodded, the girl always got straight to the point. "I wanted to apologize, for the things I've said to you in the past few months. You were right and I didn't want to hear it. You were right about everything."

Blair nodded slightly. She was thrown by Bart's admission; this was not a man who admitted when he was wrong. "Thank you but I'm not the one you need to apologize to." Blair said, knowing he would get her meaning.

"I know, but you must know that this is difficult for me." He spoke looking away. "I want to be part of my son's life. You accused me of not caring, I do, I just don't know how to show it." He paused swallowing and for the first time Blair could remember, Bart Bass looked uncomfortable. "So I guess what I am asking for is your help."

Blair's jaw dropped open. Not only was the great Bart Bass standing in front of her humbling himself, he was asking for her help. She couldn't deny him that, not when he was saying that he wanted to be a part of Chuck's life. If there was one thing she'd learned from the death of her mother it was that you had to make amends with your parents while you still could. "I'll do what I can." Blair said with a slight nod.

"Thank you." Bart spoke appearing relieved. "You don't know what that means to me."

Blair smiled. "I think I do. Maybe after the wedding you could tell Chuck how you feel, tell him you want to change. He'd appreciate that." Bart looked like maybe she was asking too much but seeing this she spoke again. "You asked for my help, this is me giving it to you."

Bart nodded, she was right. That's why he'd come to her, he'd known she wouldn't go easy on him. It also didn't hurt that in getting to know Chuck, he wanted to get to know her too. He wanted to be part of his granddaughter's life and to do that he had to make amends with the mother. "Thank you." He said again before turning and leaving.

As he left the girls stood around the room in shock. Jenny looked at Blair both of them still gaping. "That was pretty much the last thing I expected." The blond said finally finding words.

"No kidding." Blair replied just as her father walked into the cabana.

He smiled brightly. He'd been ecstatic when Blair had called him just over a week ago. This is what he'd always wanted for his little girl, the good man, the good marriage, the children. He'd been so happy he'd managed not to give a piece of his mind to Marcus who had come at Blair's behest. Harold had been surprised to see him there, surprised to find that he and Blair were apparently friends. So he'd instead settled for a few pointed looks in Marcus's direction, he would never forgive that man for hurting his daughter like he had. But today was about Blair. "Are you ready BlairBear?"

Blair nodded, smiling brightly. "I've been ready. I've been ready for so long." She couldn't believe it was really happening now.

"Then let's do this." Jocelyn spoke a huge smile on her face.

Blair could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she followed the girls out of the cabana and down the steps to the beach. She gasped at seeing the decorations. A pathway had been made through the sand, lined by stones and wildflowers, ending in an archway. "It's beautiful." She spoke softly.

Harold just smiled in return. "I wish your mother could be here to see this."

"She is." Blair responding, tears glistening in her eyes as she looked briefly up at the sky. She knew her mom was watching and she had to think that she'd be happy for her.

Harold took his daughter's hand gently and placed it on his arm. "You couldn't be more right." As they approached the walkway he leaned over and whispered in his daughter's ear. "I feel as though I have to say that I'm happy to be giving you away to someone who deserves you, someone you love."

Blair turned her still sparkling eyes on her father. "You don't know how much that means to me Daddy. Thank you."

Harold placed a quick kiss on her cheek before they started down the make shift aisle, the sound of the ocean the only music. His eyes were immediately drawn to Chuck's face where he saw a look that made his own heart soar. That young man loved his daughter, it was evident in the way he clasped his hands, the way he smiled, and most definitely in the intensity in his eyes. He looked like he believed he was the luckiest man in the world. Harold knew he couldn't in good conscious part with her for anything less, he'd learned that the hard way as he'd regretted walking her down the aisle to Marcus every day. Giving Blair another kiss on the cheek he left her there with Chuck and went to stand with Roman as the ceremony began.

Blair knew the minister was talking, she knew on some level that she was speaking but she didn't really register any of it. All she could see was Chuck and he was all she wanted to see.

Chuck was lost in her eyes. She was finally standing before him at the alter, she was finally marrying him. He'd known, he'd known for years before they were together that she was it for him, that no other girl warranted more than a one night stand and now she was about to be his and his alone, for the rest of their lives. As it was time for the vows he began to speak from his heart, much as he'd done with his best man speech at his father's wedding. "I think everyone here can testify to the fact that no one ever thought I would get married, and honestly neither did I until you. I thought that marriage was the end of so much; I thought that my life would be over if I were tied to one woman for the rest of my life. But now I can't imagine ever being with someone else. You Blair Cornelia Waldorf are it for me. This isn't the end of anything, it's the beginning of everything. I love you Blair, every day I think it couldn't be possible to love you more, but every day I do. And as I watch you grow with my child, our baby girl, my love just continues to grow. I am going to love you every day for the rest of our lives. Come what may, always and forever, you will never have to doubt that I love you. I always have and I always will."

Blair smiled with tears glistening in her eyes. "I wanted to start by reading you something." Blair spoke as she pulled out a slip of paper that she had tucked inside her bouquet. "Oh, why you look so sad? The tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now. Don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through 'cause I've seen the dark side too. When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do, nothing you confess could make me love you less. I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, I won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you. So, if you're mad get mad, don't hold it all inside come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too, well I'm a lot like you. When you're standing at the crossroads and don't know which path to choose, let me come along 'cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you. Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you, I'll stand by you. And when the night falls on you baby, you're feeling all alone, you won't be on your own. I'll stand by you."

As Blair spoke, so many things, so many memories ran through his head. It was all so true. Blair had seen him at his very worst, she'd been with him on more than one of his birthdays when he was at his lowest. She'd faced the brunt of his darkest most twisted depths in the form of a few choice words about his father's Arabians or when he abandoned her in Tuscany or even when he'd dismissed her after he caught her with Marcus the first time. And when he confessed his affair with Jenny, she'd stayed true to those words to the point that he truly did believe that there was nothing he could say that would deter her love, it was unconditional. As she spoke the second verse of the song he couldn't help but remember their fight and subsequent make up in Nate's living room when she reminded him that it was okay for them to get mad at each other, okay for them to fight. And he knew that sometime down the road there would be decisions that he would have to make, decisions that would be difficult and he would lean on her for support. God he loved her.

Blair finished reading the lyrics and slipped them back into her bouquet as she spoke the rest of her vows. "The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I'll stand by you through anything Chuck because I love you. I love you more than life itself. You complete me. I'm not Blair Waldorf without Chuck Bass and I wouldn't want to be. What you said earlier is true. This isn't the end of anything, it's the start of everything. This is the first day of forever and I want to spend every single day of forever with you."

The priest turned to Chuck. "Repeat after me." As the priest spoke, Chuck repeated.

"I, Charles Bartholomew Bass, take thee, Blair Waldorf, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love honor and cherish; from this day forward, until death do us part." As Chuck spoke, he relished the words as they slipped from his tongue, he relished the way the felt, the way they sounded, and everything they meant.

The priest turned to Blair and spoke the same.

Blair smiled. "I, Blair Cornelia Waldorf," She paused for only a second knowing that in only a minute's time she would no longer be Blair Waldorf, "take thee, Charles Bass, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love, honor and cherish, from this day forward until death do us part." Blair exhaled as she finished waiting excitedly for the priest's next words.

Nate stepped forward presenting them with their rings. Blair looked into Chuck's eyes and smiled, happy tears glistening as they slid down her cheeks as she took the ring from Nate and placed it on Chuck's finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Chuck picked up his own ring, rubbing it between his fingers before taking her left hand in his. "With this ring, I thee wed." Chuck repeated waiting for her to notice, and notice she did.

Blair gasped as she saw what was on her finger. She knew what it was because on one birthday Chuck had pulled it out of his safe and shown it to her; they couldn't have been more than thirteen at the time. It was his mother's wedding band a perfect ring of diamonds. As it slid onto her finger her eyes connected with his and she was lost. So lost she almost didn't hear what the preacher said next.

The preacher smiled, seeing the excitement and intensity in both of their eyes. "With these vows spoken and symbols of love exchanged, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." He took half a step back as the young couple practically jumped into each other's arms, sharing a kiss that would have been entirely inappropriate if they had been in a church. Watching as they broke away he spoke to the few witnesses they had gathered. "Friends and Family gathered, I take great pleasure in introducing for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Charles Bass."

Blair's heart soared and she looked at Chuck seeing that he felt the same. Pulling him to her once more, she placed a kiss on his lips, a kiss that promised many more to come. Pulling back slightly Chuck gazed into her eyes a smirk on his face. "Mrs. Bass, I believe we have an aisle to walk."

Blair couldn't help the beaming smile that appeared at the sound of her name. "I love you Mr. Bass, every day of forever." She whispered before taking his and walking through their friends only to be embraced by hugs all around. She looked around her friends and then back at Chuck, a big smile forming on her face, they'd finally made it.

_**

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50 years later (from wedding date)**_

"Granddaddy, Granddaddy, tell it again!" Blair Gemma Astor giggled. "Please Grandpa Chuck, please!" She added earnestly.

Chuck shook his head slightly. "Not tonight Blair Bear. Tonight it's time for bed."

Gemma's youngest daughter pouted, she wanted to hear the story again, it was her very favorite because it told not just about her grandparent's wedding but of how she came to be because if Grandpa Chuck hadn't let his Blair have the fifth baby, she wouldn't be here. However, she knew that Grandpa Chuck was intractable, from what she'd heard, he was quite the business man in his day, maybe even better than her own daddy or Uncle Evan and Uncle Clark. They had taken over Bass Industries from Grandpa Chuck only about ten years ago, while Aunt Ella, Aunt Scarlett, and her mommy had taken over Waldorf Designs with Nana Jenny's daughter Kathryn. "Fine." She said, easing her pout and allowing Grandpa Chuck to tuck her into bed.

Chuck smiled at the ten year old. Gemma's family was staying with them in the brownstone they'd lived in for the past thirty years, not seeing a point in putting them in a hotel room when there were plenty of rooms here. All of the family had come into town to celebrate their special occasion and Chuck had the pleasure of tucking in his youngest descendant for the night Just as Chuck was tucking his youngest granddaughter under the covers, Blair snuck her head in the room. "Goodnight Little B." She said with a smile and a kiss on the young girl's forehead.

"Goodnight Grandma B." She said back, her eyes closing sleepily. Right as the young girl's eyes closed, they snapped open with the beep of a cell phone.

Chuck withdrew his old phone slightly confused. It was a text message, something that was practically archaic in their current times. The only reason he kept the old phone around was because of his generation's inability to catch up with all of the new technology, especially Former Senator Nathaniel Archibald. Opening the phone he couldn't help the smirk that lit his face. He flipped the phone towards Blair, unable to stop the smile that was quickly forming. In turn Blair laughed, allowing her eyes to scan the text message and absorb its information.

"What was that?" Little Blair, asked curiously.

Blair simply smiled in return, watching the little one's eyes begin to close once more. Nothing could keep her awake for long when she was tired. "Just a message from an old friend."

**Gossip Girl here . . . the original one for those of you too old to figure that much out for yourself. I'm signing on for the first time in several years to wish Class of 2009's Queen and King of the Upper East Side a Happy Golden Anniversary. You're one of very few who's made it to the big five oh without at least a divorce or two. Cheers! Remember, your adoring fans continue to love you; always have always will. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

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A/N: So that's all folks! I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Thanks for sticking with me! Reviews are especially appreciated this time as it's my very last chapter of my baby. Hopefully, I'll see some of you soon on one of my other fanfics.

xoxo  
kate


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